Fears about lymphoma scared lumps [Archive]

scaredandalone1995

25-06-21, 02:41

To start im 26 and male and ive had on and off HA for around 6 years. So ive had some lumps that ive found due to obsessive searching it started with a lump in my groin which i went to the doctors and he said he thought it was a cyst but have an ultrasound just to be sure which obviously set me off, so i booked privately to have a scan and paid and they determined it was a cyst i felt better but i was already onto the next thing which was a feeling my neck obsessively for lumps i could find when one came up red and big on the right side of my neck i was obviously scared but it was mainly from me poking around and annoying it paired with the fact i have not slept at all. All this time im constantly googling symptoms and looking for things and always coming to the conclusion that it must be cancer etc. I had this lump checked which was the 3rd time ive been to see my gp in 2 weeks ive also had calls he said it felt normal nothing to worry about but to have a neck ultrasound for peace of mind and a blood test. Unfortunatly i wont be able to have that for at least a month so im very scared ive also now found something weird on my collar bone which feels like a bump im not sure if its meant to be there and i have no idea if i can feel the same on the other side its just messing with my head and its driving me mad. The left side of my collar bone in the middle just feels smaller and more bumpy at the end then my right one just little things like this can set me off how do i get over this again im so terrified its gonna be something serious and i will die and like i dont wanna go back to the doctor again as its embarrasing at this point.

scaredandalone1995

25-06-21, 15:30

I’m really struggling here guys I can feel stuff moving on my collar bone at the end of the left side of it. I’ve been messing with it so much it’s painful to touch it just doesn’t feel the same as the right side it feels a lot more bumpy.

Fishmanpa

25-06-21, 15:55

Perhaps you should stop poking and prodding? :whistles: If you poke and prod, you're bound to find lumps and bumps. that's just the way we are. We're not made of porcelain you know :winks:

FMP

scaredandalone1995

25-06-21, 17:49

If it was something serious would you have to really look for it or do you think it would be obvious? I’m really struggling and appreciate the reply living with the uncertainty is what I’m really struggling with and I’m very depressed just been moping around everyday for about 2 weeks now.

Fishmanpa

25-06-21, 18:33

I'm a Stage IVa Head and Neck cancer survivor. I had a sinus/throat infection and had visibly swollen glands on both nodes of my neck. It wasn't resolving so I went to the doctor and got antibiotics. The nodes and infection resolved but one remained on the left side of my neck. A month goes by and it's still there and larger. Again, it was visible. You didn't have to poke and prod to find it I assure you. Another round of meds and still nothing. The thing is it grew! By the time I went in for surgery, it looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck and I was in pain and discomfort 24/7.

Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.

You also don't have to poke and prod to as it makes itself known. You're exhibiting a very common HA trait of self examination, googling and rumination. Continue to poke and prod and the node can become shotty (permanently enlarged). You've been cleared medically so it's time to look at treating the real issue (your HA).

FMP

scaredandalone1995

25-06-21, 22:20

Yeah like I’ve said I’ve suffered from HA for years and years and it comes back but it never gets any easier to beat each time feels more real. I just can’t seem to stop feeling around for stuff in my neck so much that I’ve made it red. I have a scan for it in a week and a blood test and I’m so scared I’m delaying it. I keep asking my family to feel when I’ve found something and they always say they can’t feel it or that it’s normal but I can’t seem to accept it. I really don’t know what to do I am basically doing nothing at the moment aswell I just sit feeling for stuff or google symptoms idk how to get out of this.

scaredandalone1995

26-06-21, 01:02

I’m just really panicing it’s something serious I find these small soft lumps on my chest and collarbone and I’ve read there lumps in that area are normally bad news and obviously I can’t go back to the doctor until Monday. Do cancer lumps always get bigger or can they be small. It’s gonna be a long weekend…

NoraB

26-06-21, 09:02

Do cancer lumps always get bigger or can they be small.

Cancer grows and keeps on growing...

It’s gonna be a long weekend…

That depends on you..

You've become obsessed with lumps, but the human body is naturally lumpy and bumpy and you'll get lumpier as you get older!

Most lumps are nothing to worry about. They're rarely cancer, but even when they are, it's not 'game over'.

Fishmanpa had cancer (your worst fear) and he's still here.

Do something nice over the weekend. Just decide to do it regardless of how shite you feel with your anxiety. You'll feel better for it. Sitting there over-thinking and catastrophising won't help you at all, and your body will be dealing with the stress hormones long after you've been given reassurance from your doctor..

scaredandalone1995

26-06-21, 11:56

Cancer grows and keeps on growing...

That depends on you..

You've become obsessed with lumps, but the human body is naturally lumpy and bumpy and you'll get lumpier as you get older!

Most lumps are nothing to worry about. They're rarely cancer, but even when they are, it's not 'game over'.

Fishmanpa had cancer (your worst fear) and he's still here.

Do something nice over the weekend. Just decide to do it regardless of how shite you feel with your anxiety. You'll feel better for it. Sitting there over-thinking and catastrophising won't help you at all, and your body will be dealing with the stress hormones long after you've been given reassurance from your doctor..

Yeah I’m just scared I mean I know deep down these lumps are probably nothing but I can’t accept the uncertainty as these ones on my collarbone have not been checked and I seem to have them on both sides they are small and squishy and move when I press them. Idk what to do for the best

scaredandalone1995

26-06-21, 18:12

I’m really worrying about it now I tried to keep myself busy today but I just got home and it’s all come flooding back what could these lumps be and why are there so many there small and I can press them in and they move

Fishmanpa

26-06-21, 19:24

Idk what to do for the best

You've been cleared medically. STOP. POKING. AND. PRODDING! Put on a pair of mittens if you have to! You're doing this to yourself for no reason :lac:

FMP

scaredandalone1995

26-06-21, 22:27

Yeah I understand what you’re saying I just need to stop looking at stuff on google and wait to see the doctor on Monday and for my scan and blood test next weekend. It’s like you said it I keep looking around I will keep finding stuff and that’s what it’s like I just keep finding stuff that’s scaring me and everyone in my family that has felt it has said it’s tiny and not to worry and the lumps they are concerned about are a lot bigger and don’t hide. I have most likely had these lumps all my life without knowing. I don’t even know if there lymph nodes they seem more like fat in the chest area but who knows I think that’s the part that I’m struggling with is the uncertainty of having to wait for the scan. I really appreciate your replies though it has made me feel better in some ways.

scaredandalone1995

27-06-21, 18:20

I’m really struggling today last night I felt a very hard lump to the right of my Adam’s apple and my heart sank as I finally believed my worst fears had come true. It’s sort of around the right side of the Adam’s apple a little bit above it and I’m going to go to the doctors tomorrow to get it checked but I’m very worried mainly as it doesn’t move and it feels almost like it’s in my neck possibly it’s just normal most likely it is but I can’t shake the worrying. Anyone had anything like this before I can feel a similar lump on the left side but it definitely feels more prominent on the right my throat is also really hurting to touch on right side due to me feel around in there so much.

Fishmanpa

27-06-21, 19:00

Might want to read this again.

I'm a Stage IVa Head and Neck cancer survivor. I had a sinus/throat infection and had visibly swollen glands on both nodes of my neck. It wasn't resolving so I went to the doctor and got antibiotics. The nodes and infection resolved but one remained on the left side of my neck. A month goes by and it's still there and larger. Again, it was visible. You didn't have to poke and prod to find it I assure you. Another round of meds and still nothing. The thing is it grew! By the time I went in for surgery, it looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck and I was in pain and discomfort 24/7.

Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.

You also don't have to poke and prod to as it makes itself known. You're exhibiting a very common HA trait of self examination, googling and rumination. Continue to poke and prod and the node can become shotty (permanently enlarged). You've been cleared medically so it's time to look at treating the real issue (your HA).

FMP

Justme1970

27-06-21, 19:21

scaredandalone1995

27-06-21, 19:43

Hi scared and alone - my first ever cancer HA was caused by these lumps near my Adams Apple. Turns out they were salivary glands. Leave them alone!!
BTW HA is very hard to live with, always one thing or another that plays on your mind. I wish you all the best in learning to overcome/live with it

I mean I’m going to try and get a doctors appointment tomorrow just to make sure the think that has scared me is it’s hard. It’s above and to the right of my Adam’s apple it moves when I swallow.

Fishmanpa

27-06-21, 19:50

scaredandalone1995

27-06-21, 20:01

Frankly, it sounds like you're feeling your hyoid bone. It sits above your Adams apple and moves when you swallow. Doesn't matter if you can feel it more on one side. It's just the way they are. let us know what the doctor says. I have a gut feeling I already know :winks:

FMP

I will do I hope I can see him tomorrow it always very busy on a Monday but we will see I’ve also asked my mum and she said it feels more like a thickening and like you said that if I’m having to dig in to find it it’s nothing to be concerned about. I’m just worried cause you hear so many things about people being miss diagnosed and I am young but you read things about people being around my age and having Hodgkins lymphoma (26) and it has just scared me. I even look at the statistics on cancer research uk to see what the odds are of me having it and it’s most diagnosed in my age group idk how to get past this fear this is the worst one yet. I don’t mean to be disrespectful in anyway either it’s all just fears I have and my way of coping with it I think I’m getting to the point of accepting the uncertainty and just trying to get on with stuff.

scaredandalone1995

28-06-21, 16:53

So I saw a different doctor but I do trust her and like her as I’ve seen her many times before. She examined my neck and checked it before I even showed her where the lump I thought I felt is and she said it all felt normal I then showed her the area and she felt around there and said it all feels normal and she couldn’t feel it basically. She then checked the other area I was worried about and said she couldn’t feel any issues. The issue is I didn’t really feel very reassured and I know that is probably the anxiety talking as I also had a thorough examination from the doctor I saw last week on my neck and he also could not feel anything. I said to her that I hope the scan will make me feel better and she said well if there is anything of concern it will show up on there. We then talked about therapy and she gave me some good options I’m still very worried but I’m trying to tell myself like I’ve been checked just wait for the scan now.

scaredandalone1995

28-06-21, 19:51

Scaredtoo

29-06-21, 18:08

I’m trying to tell myself all is ok but I just keep finding stuff now I’ve found what feels like a hard lump under my chin above my Adam’s apple that I’m worrying about trying to tell myself it’s nothing but it’s not really working I can’t wait till Saturday so I can get some answers as this worrying is killing me

I feel for you. In terms of your anxiety. I’ve been on a bad spell for two months. Two months of hell. All because I cannot let things rest. I cannot let things lie. I found two lumps on my body. In my mind they could be nothing more than sinister. My point is our minds are deceiving us. Which in turn makes us fear more. It’s a vicious cycle. One I’m still in. I’m still on meds but have had an HA relapse. My advice is to get through this day by day. Don’t feel your neck. Tell yourself if you feel your neck bad things will happen. Believe me this has helped me tremendously. Our Minds become addicted to the feeling of fear. I’m convinced of that. Wanna know why? Because the relief of being told it’s okay is a high to us. Trust your doctor.

scaredandalone1995

29-06-21, 20:53

I appreciate the message man it helps a lot I’m trying my best to trust the doctor the doubts are there but I’m trying to ignore them. Also trying not to check and Google stuff and trying my best to keep busy it does help I have the scan on Saturday because even when trying to do stuff that I normally enjoy my mind is saying what’s the point cause you have cancer etc etc it’s horrible

scaredandalone1995

30-06-21, 21:08

I just keep finding stuff and now I’m having like constant ache I’m my armpit and I’m worried there is a lump there I’m trying not to check and I’m trying to make myself do stuff even though I feel very depressed I really hope the scan makes me feel better

Fishmanpa

30-06-21, 21:36

I really hope the scan makes me feel better

Time will tell....

FMP

scaredandalone1995

03-07-21, 14:22

Well they have delayed my scan to Tuesday and ive been feeling better but last night i found another lymph node very small and i can only feel it when i turn my head to the left, its just above the enlarged one i seem to have which has shook me up as i feel fine apart from being tired as i have not been sleeping well at all. Idk im trying to tell myself everything is ok and i have not got any other symtoms but my head is going nuts telling me its something serious. Ive also had my blood test now so i guess its just a waiting game i have been trying to keep busy and it seems to be helping i also have not gone back to my doctors and have some cbt booked on Tuesday also so good things to come hopefully just trying to stay stong. Thanks for all the replies also guys it made me feel a lot better and has helped me to get through this tough time.

scaredandalone1995

06-07-21, 12:22

So I had the scan she checked both sides of my neck and the front and virtually found nothing and then she went over the lymph nodes and she said there so small that she can barely see them on the scan and said they just look normal and there doing there job. I do feel relieved but can they always see lymph nodes on ultrasound or only when they are up?

NotDeadYet

06-07-21, 14:10

“BUT can they always see lymph nodes on ultrasound or only when they are up?”

I understand why you are asking this. HA is still raging and you’re brain is still falling into the rut it’s been in. I’m not answering this and nobody should because you’ve received the best possible outcome for your scan. When a question like this comes to your mind you need to quickly challenge it with a thought like “I had a clean scan, the doctor says everything is great, I’m healthy and can move on.” The only way to overcome these thoughts is to challenge them.

Best Wishes