My father in laws funeral today

[angiebaby]

Well, it was today and i went! But i could not go in his house and i drove my own car, hubby and boys went in one of the cars, daughter stayed with me. I followed the cars to the crem and parked up, but then my legs went and i couldn't get out of the car. I only buried my dad 5 weeks ago and i just couldn't get out. My daughter went in to the others and i stayed in the car and waited. I felt guilty, but at least i went, didn't think i would have managed that really.
The service was only about half an hour and then i drove us to the wake. I managed to go in and we stayed all afternoon, 3 hours. I did well, but i didn't feel well at all. Had severe waves of symtoms which was nasty, but i am back home and i survived, just. I am glad that i went, for dad and my family, but everything is just so hard for me at the moment. I am not coping with just living never mind anything else. My symptoms are very severe in all cases and just feel like i can't face another day like this. Nothing makes me feel better, just feel so ill all the time and can't do the 'accept and float' over it bit even though i try like crazy. I have tried to accept the unreality and dizziness, feeling like i am going to faint, my ears going funny and making the fear of fainting worse, the fast heart beat and ectopics, but things don't seem to improve, they have just got worse. I just want to feel like me again and not like a zoned out lunatic who doesn't even know or understand what is going on around me.

[Bill]

Hello Angiebaby,

Today Must have been very difficult for especially so soon after. But as you say, but i am back home and i survived. You survived so don't be hard on yourself. You didn't let anyone down. It would have been difficult for Anyone to cope with.:hugs:

You've been through a lot and you're bound to suffer effects as a result but things do improve even though it probably doesn't feel like it at the moment.

Don't give up on hope. Get through this period first until things settle and then it'll be time to think about how to learn to cope better daily.:hugs:

I know how you've felt today and I know how difficult it must have been for you but give yourself credit for getting through it.:hugs: My heart goes out to you.:hugs:

[angiebaby]

Thankyou so much for your kind reply. Yes i am struggling with everything right now, feeling so ill and not with it at all. You just feel like there is no way out don't you? I don't think i have ever felt so bad as i do right now and it is very hard. Your kind words mean a lot, thankyou again.x

[yorkylover]

Hi Angie,its not a surprise you are feeling so rotten at the moment.You have had so much to cope with.You did really well going to the crematorium,and going to the wake and staying for so long.Well Done.
You will start to feel better soon,when things start to calm down a bit.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[manmoor]

Angie I just want to send you a big hug from me hun :hugs: :hugs: xxx

[lesleyB]

Well done for what you achieved, you didn't let anyone down.
Big hug.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
look after yourself
Lesleyb

[Lindalou64]

LESLEY WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW HOW SORRY I AM FOR YOUR LOSSSES YOU BEEN THROUGH ALOT AND YA DIDNT LET ANYONE DOWN .TAKE CARE OF YASELF............LINDA XX

[youaremysunshine]

Angiebaby,

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad and your father-in-law, but I really think you were brave by managing to go, so don't feel bad about staying in the car, everyone will understand. But you did well in the crematorium! You didn't run out from having those symptoms did you? That's really great.

I understand the feeling of 'nothing is helping' and it feels like it's only going to carry on being this bad, or even worse.

So you're feeling quite negetive and 'not with it at all' even when you're not having a panic attack, right?
I think you should just take a few changes, small steps, to perhaps make your life a little less stressful. Your famiyl sound very supportive, thats a great start. You should all maybe go out somewhere, go to Wales for the day! Doesn't take long to get there, loads of beautiful quiet places to go for a walk. It doesn't even have to be as far as Wales, look in your local areas and you'll be surprised by the quiet places you can find. Just the other week I found two nature reserves within 10 minute walk from me. Being in such places can make you feel at ease, and even more so when you're with family.

Replace your tea and coffee with something like green tea, some sort of tea which encourages to destress because it's all natural. I noticed you said you kept sipping at tea, but I heard caffiene isn't going to help your panic/anxiety.

Then maybe to relax your muscles you and your husband should take half an hour - an hour out of each night/morning/afternoon to give each other a nice shoulder and back massage. This will help relax your muscles so much and you may find yourself feeling just that little bit less tense. Plus, you can have a nice conversation with your husband, play some calming music in the background, or take advantage of the situation and make it more romantic and throw in a romantic candle lit dinner/supper when the kids are in bed.

If you're feeling quite pessimistic I'm sure little changes in life like this, to make you feel happier, even if it's just for a little while, will help a great deal. You'll feel more content with your life.

Do things you enjoy doing. Eat things which are good for you, and which taste yummy. Watch your favourite movies, listen to your favourite music. Do everything you enjoy doing as much as possible in your free time.

It may not be that much of an impact, but if it helps you feel just that tiny bit less bad when you do get panicky, then thats a result.

I really hope you start to feel much better soon, it's not fun :( <3

xxx