Here we go again with Leukemia....

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So life's been going okay and then bam, health anxiety strikes again...

This time (again) it is Leukemia. I am not new to this fear, last time this popped up it was about 3 years ago and I had ALL the symptoms and yet, no leukemia. The doctor was so sure that he didn't even test me. Maybe that was unwise but after all the talks with him, the symptoms disappeared.

Fast forward until now because I am having it pop up again. It started a few months ago when I started to feel overtired. Like I would get to work and want to go back to bed. That's a little uncommon for me, especially since a few months before that I was popping out of bed as soon as my alarm went off and I would head to the gym. Now I cannot wait to sleep...I've been pinning it to my job where I do almost nothing all day but sit at my desk for 9 hours. I've even started taking naps in my car at lunch which seem to really help. But it's still weird. And I have my fitness watch which tells me I only get 4-5.5 hours of sleep per night and it's a low quality sleep (where as a few months ago my percentages were in the 80-90's. Now it's maybe 60 on a good night.)

I have no aches or pains, hell not even any bruises outside of the ones I knew were there (from bumping into things or having the dog on my lap.) My appetite is good and I'm not losing weight. But for some reason with me being more tired it has sent me straight back to this hellish routine. Top that off with the fact that I have a cold now, which is the second one I've had in three months and that makes me anxious that my body isn't working properly.

I'm scared to go to the doctor because the last time I did, I was right in my diagnosis and was then sent to emergency surgery....

Just looking for assuring words or something. I'm now 3000 miles away from home and all alone in this. Just want to talk to similar people...

[NoraB]

Just looking for assuring words or something.

Respectfully, it's not reassurance that you need. It's therapy..


I'm scared to go to the doctor because the last time I did, I was right in my diagnosis and was then sent to emergency surgery....

Can you elaborate?

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Should have added that too...I do need therapy BAD. And I've been seeing a wonderful therapist for years, but now she can no longer see me since I am out of state. I have gone to three others in my area but they have not worked out for me unfortunately...Treated me like a number with 60 minutes to talk.


And as far as my other scenario. I had my appendix out. I woke up feeling off and I was worried it was my appendix. To be fair I didn't have enough time to worry since my anxiety was pushed aside by the pain. I went to see a doctor that dismissed everything I said and was so unbelievably rude to me. I ended up going to the ER and again was treated rudely. But ended up having an appendicitis and was rushed up to surgery that hour. Was a very overwhelming situation...

[NoraB]

And as far as my other scenario. I had my appendix out. I woke up feeling off and I was worried it was my appendix. To be fair I didn't have enough time to worry since my anxiety was pushed aside by the pain.

That was also my experience when something was seriously wrong with me.


I went to see a doctor that dismissed everything I said and was so unbelievably rude to me. I ended up going to the ER and again was treated rudely. But ended up having an appendicitis and was rushed up to surgery that hour. Was a very overwhelming situation...
Awful. I'm sorry you went through that. I think too many doctors failed to turn up for the 'people skills and caring' module, eh? Caring profession? That's a joke with some of them! :lac:

So, you felt there was something wrong - you did something about it - and the outcome was good. You coped with the situation.

I get it because this was me too..

I didn't know I was bleeding internally (I was 36 weeks pregnant) but I knew there was something seriously wrong with me because I was seeing stars, passing out on the bathroom floor, and in pain that I knew wasn't labour pain. I was right. There was a problem, and it was life-threatening to me and my unborn baby. We owe our lives to the C section. There's a lot to be said for being grateful of the era we're living in, right?

My other 'life-threatening' problems turned out to be a combo of fibromyalgia, anxiety, arthritis, 'slight' nerve impingement, IBS and hormone imbalance. I was wrong about the cancers, strokes, heart issues, MS, and all the other classic HA diseases.

So now you are in the situation where anxiety is kicking your @rse and you are mistaking anxiety symptoms for those of disease and you were right once, so why not now?

One of the things that's helped me to control my health anxiety is the acceptance of potential illness (and inevitable death) and constantly reminding myself that I came close to the latter and coped - just as you coped with a serious illness.

Doesn't make sense does it? Real? We cope. Imaginary disease? :scared15:

Thing is: health anxiety can be very convincing, but there is a difference between what's real and what's imagined - and that's fear. When you were genuinely ill, there was no fear was there? Something else took over. It's like your 'train' suddenly changed track? The brain generally copes better with what's real than what's imagined. This is why people with cancer or terminal diagnoses handle the situation far better than those around them..

Try to see the positives in your experience and use them to your advantage?

Tiredness has lots of causes - the most likely being stress and vitamin/ mineral deficiencies. It would be useful to see if you are low in any vitamins or minerals because stress depletes, as does age and not eating the right foods. Or eating a lot of junk food etc. And remember that having acceptable vitamin levels in terms what's generally accepted doesn't mean that it's not affecting you as an individual. People can be borderline or at the low end of 'normal' and struggling big time with symptoms of deficiency.

Because you have HA, your mind is going to go with the worst and least likely cause of tiredness.

I really hope some of this helps?

Also, any therapist who makes you feel like a number isn't worth your time. Keep looking until you find one who you are happy to see or speak to again..