Feeling isolated from friends [Archive]

phil06

12-07-21, 00:29

I got married in 2019 and had a good social life we had about 100 guests but since the pandemic I have seen very few other than close family or work colleagues. Some of those friends have started to meet up in smaller groups again but me and my wife have been left out. My wife has also not seen her close friends in two years. My worry is it won’t go back in your 30’s often people settle yet very few of our friends have a family but covid seems to have accelerated things to a point where I don’t see anybody. I don’t really need advice but I just feel a little depressed about it maybe others had similar experiences but I just get a little tired seeing same faces and never anybody new?

Fishmanpa

12-07-21, 00:37

I just get a little tired seeing same faces and never anybody new?

What's the question?

FMP

Scass

12-07-21, 07:37

Why don’t you arrange to meet up with them?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

NoraB

12-07-21, 08:49

I got married in 2019 and had a good social life we had about 100 guests

I had 11 guests at mine. Total of 15 including myself, Hubs and our son. One table. Bliss.

First wedding was a grand total of 17 including my (then) husband and myself.

Perhaps Scass is right? Arrange to meet up with somebody? If they swerve the invitation, then maybe you need to explore that a bit further?

phil06

12-07-21, 09:13

NoraB

12-07-21, 09:58

Yes the issue is they use to meet up in larger groups and that isn’t happening. Often I felt like an after thought as some have there “best friends” so perhaps there is no room for me? I met one of them in March outside my house but that was all. I don’t like to ask I was meant to rearrange my wife’s birthday but that’s never happened despite stuff like large weddings going ahead now..

I never had you down as a party animal Phil. :unsure:

I'm the opposite to you then. I break out into a cold sweat at the sight of a party invitation..:scared15:

I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on socialising, but I'd imagine that the best thing to do is to organise a get together yourselves? Be the host, rather than the guests? Is that possible with your OCD and shizzle?

phil06

12-07-21, 10:24

I never had you down as a party animal Phil. :unsure:

I'm the opposite to you then. I break out into a cold sweat at the sight of a party invitation..:scared15:

I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on socialising, but I'd imagine that the best thing to do is to organise a get together yourselves? Be the host, rather than the guests? Is that possible with your OCD and shizzle?

Yes that’s true I could I was maybe playing a ten pin bowling night for my birthday later in year. The small party for my wife from what I gather the rules say it could happen I could have live music and guests but I wonder how safe it is with COVID. I’ve heard of garden parties going ahead but I don’t have a big garden and also large weddings. Maybe I need to give it a little longer

pulisa

12-07-21, 13:48

Do you prefer meeting up in a large group? It may be easier to just keep things small and uncomplicated by arranging a meet up with a close friend or two?

Carys

12-07-21, 18:12

I know this will meet with a brick wall, and possible consternation from Phil, but maybe people don't feel as confident meeting up with the nonvaccinated. I wouldn't. However, as somebody else said above - you be the host, not the guest. Ask a few people around for a light-hearted and easy-going garden get together, seeing as the weather is going to be good in the next week.

but since the pandemic I have seen very few other than close family or work colleagues.

.....I think its worth pointing out that everybody has had the same scenario and its not limited to your life, infact some people saw nobody at all during long stretches of this year.

nomorepanic

12-07-21, 19:07

I am with you on this Carys.

I am staying away from certain people who are not vaccinated as well.

Phil - no-one has had a social life this past year. I have seen my best mate twice in a year and my family twice as well. We just have to suck it up.

phil06

12-07-21, 19:56

Catkins

12-07-21, 20:05

A friend of mine isn't getting vaccinated - I'd rather she was, but I wouldn't stop seeing her because of it.

BlueIris

12-07-21, 20:16

My brother's anti-vax and he insists on seeing my parents when my father has a terminal lung condition.

I hate that prick.

AntsyVee

12-07-21, 20:34

I'll be honest, I'm not seeing anyone who isn't vaccinated. I have two family members with medical conditions and I work with kids, some of whom are too young to be vaccinated.

Carys

12-07-21, 20:35

I think covid has really brought out the worst in some people.

...and its brought out the best in, fortunately, a higher proportion.

In my opinion a vaccinated person is well protected you could come into close contact with any unvaccinated person in a shop.

Yes, you could, but spending a significant time with someone socially is a different issue, especially if their philosophies on covid are quite different to yours. People want to protect themselves and their families. As you have said yourself a few times - sometimes people can still get covid even after being vaccinated (and there are rising cases and different variants).

MyNameIsTerry

13-07-21, 06:28

Yes that could be an issue only a handful know I’ve not had the vaccine course only one or two could spread the news to everybody. It’s very sad we are in the situation of a two tier society. In my opinion a vaccinated person is well protected you could come into close contact with any unvaccinated person in a shop. I think covid has really brought out the worst in some people.

Now replace 'news' with 'Covid' and you might understand the concerns others have over those who won't vaccinate.

In a shop your contact is at a minimum. With friends you are closer and for much longer. I don't see why someone shouldn't declare they aren't vaccinated so friends can decide whether to risk it or not? They may have a 90 year old gran with Ill health.

If Covid means society has tiers imagine what it's like for people with mental health problems? Or the unemployed? Or the disabled? LGBT+? I think this two tier stuff is just another cry about freedom as a concept because the reality I've always known has multiple tiers based on privilege (wealth, education), not being different (LGBT+, ethnicity, culture & religion), health (mental especially but also physical), even age whether too young or old, etc.

So perhaps forget that? Ultimately we are all barred from something due to our status, means, even the clothes we are wearing (no trainers in the nightclub). It's just another one of these and likely temporary anyway.

Lencoboy

13-07-21, 09:35

Now replace 'news' with 'Covid' and you might understand the concerns others have over those who won't vaccinate.

In a shop your contact is at a minimum. With friends you are closer and for much longer. I don't see why someone shouldn't declare they aren't vaccinated so friends can decide whether to risk it or not? They may have a 90 year old gran with Ill health.

If Covid means society has tiers imagine what it's like for people with mental health problems? Or the unemployed? Or the disabled? LGBT+? I think this two tier stuff is just another cry about freedom as a concept because the reality I've always known has multiple tiers based on privilege (wealth, education), not being different (LGBT+, ethnicity, culture & religion), health (mental especially but also physical), even age whether too young or old, etc.

So perhaps forget that? Ultimately we are all barred from something due to our status, means, even the clothes we are wearing (no trainers in the nightclub). It's just another one of these and likely temporary anyway.

You've really hit the nail on the head there, Terry!

We have pretty much always been a multi-tiered society ever since time immemorial, and in context, the jabbed vs the unjabbed is only just one of the latest in a long line of aspects of such a society.

spectrum123

13-07-21, 13:53

You've really hit the nail on the head there, Terry!

We have pretty much always been a multi-tiered society ever since time immemorial, and in context, the jabbed vs the unjabbed is only just one of the latest in a long line of aspects of such a society.

But this one is down to personal choice, and you can't really complain about which tier you're in when it's purely by your own choosing.

AntsyVee

13-07-21, 15:42

But this one is down to personal choice, and you can't really complain about which tier you're in when it's purely by your own choosing.

Agreed. Every society is multi-tiered depending on many factors: SES/class, race, religion, ability, etc. We can work to make it more equal, but it still exists. There are some simple solutions to Phil's problems; he can get vaccinated and wear a mask.

BlueIris

13-07-21, 15:45

I don't think he'll come back while we're discussing this, in any case. Surely at some point he has to learn that the world won't reshape itself around his fears?

AntsyVee

13-07-21, 15:49

True, Iris. And honestly, I really need to stop posting on his threads. They all are just the same $hit, different day. He complains about the effects covid has on his life, but doesn't want to get vaccinated and we tell him to quit whining and get vaccinated.

pulisa

13-07-21, 17:59

MyNameIsTerry

13-07-21, 18:29

It's not going to happen but Phil wants a reliable guide to negotiating Covid with a definitive end date and no surprise announcements along the way. He'll continue to ask the same questions because he's searching for that elusive answer.

And before Covid it was a guide to life. He's got to learn it's not a box ticking exercise or roadmap.

Lencoboy

13-07-21, 19:02

And before Covid it was a guide to life. He's got to learn it's not a box ticking exercise or roadmap.

And not forgetting the old chestnuts of potentially contaminated bins and toilets (pre-Covid), according to others on here.

Fishmanpa

13-07-21, 23:53

I really need to stop posting on his threads. They all are just the same $hit, different day.

Very true. Thing is, there will always be Momma and Papa bears to feed him so :shrug:

FMP

pulisa

14-07-21, 18:06

And before Covid it was a guide to life. He's got to learn it's not a box ticking exercise or roadmap.

Life would be a lot easier for my son if it were and for many others for whom standard therapy is pretty ineffective.

Pamplemousse

14-07-21, 18:25

Well, at least Phil has friends.

Over the years I have drifted away from so many; now, my nearest of my friends lives 80 miles away. They're all busy people so I avoid telephoning them as it's inconvenient.

Family? Brother is wary about letting people into the house since Covid, sister works. I have an aunt and uncle I could visit, but they're 92 and 73 respectively so I'd be wary visiting in case I brought something with me. I haven't seen my mother-in-law in months - she's 85.

This very moment, life is proving horrifically difficult. Time for bed, I think.

MyNameIsTerry

15-07-21, 06:47

My second breakdown saw all that end for me anyway.

This year I've barely seen my GF as I just can't take the chance with my parents. Her dad's GF is a CTer type so she understands my concerns and is not happy because her dad is being put at greater risk as well as herself with respiratory conditions.

pulisa

15-07-21, 07:58

NoraB

15-07-21, 08:57

This very moment, life is proving horrifically difficult.

You have us P.

I know our loneliness differs greatly (not all loneliness involves being alone) but it's very clear to me that you're struggling at the moment. So am I, except that people will generally see an increase in humour with me? Depression is kicking my @ass at the moment and humour always kicks in when I'm struggling mentally. I'm very complicated. :whistles:

I live in a house with one adult, a moody tween and a psychotic hound, and I feel incredibly lonely - even in my own company - which I'm usually more than Ok with!

Better days will come P. This will pass. You just have to hang on in there.

pulisa

15-07-21, 13:53

You're not that complicated re the humour, Nora..Plenty of comedians are depressives and use humour to self-medicate. It's a really effective way to keep your head above the water. I used to be able to use humour effectively too to cope with difficult times but have not found it so helpful now.

I'm so sorry you are struggling badly. I hope you will be able to get some happiness from the prospect of a new granddaughter which must be exciting after all your boys!:hugs:

I feel for you too, PM..I'm pretty isolated too with loads of responsibilities and wondering how on earth I would cope if I got covid badly. Mustn't try to predict the future though but it does worry me.

NoraB

15-07-21, 14:00

I'm so sorry you are struggling badly. I hope you will be able to get some happiness from the prospect of a new granddaughter which must be exciting after all your boys!:hugs:

Ta mate.

Yes, I can't wait to meet my granddaughter in October. :yahoo:

I've already heard her heart beat - I was there for the gender scan, and that was very special..

AntsyVee

15-07-21, 17:54

Mazeltov, Nora!! :bighug1:

Catkins

15-07-21, 18:17

Nora - just wanted to say. I love your sense of humour! And you also give very good advice.

Keep doing what you're doing.

pulisa

15-07-21, 20:44

Nora - just wanted to say. I love your sense of humour! And you also give very good advice.

Keep doing what you're doing.

I completely agree! Don't drain yourself though? It's hard enough keeping going without depleting your mental "reserves"...(yes mine ran dry decades ago but never mind!!:D) You can only help people who are receptive to your advice and who choose to listen to the voice of human experience.

MyNameIsTerry

16-07-21, 05:58

Plenty of us on here appreciate you, Nora.

You have to determine the best way to use your emotional energy because there will always be another person joining or struggling. It's easy to overwhelm yourself with responsibility on here if you're not careful and get plowed under with PMs or threads you feel obligated to keep up with at the cost of your own health. It's not easy.

Those you can't keep trying with, give them some brush! :yesyes:

MyNameIsTerry

16-07-21, 06:01

Life would be a lot easier for my son if it were and for many others for whom standard therapy is pretty ineffective.

For me it's the opposite and learning to just be. Otherwise life seems like work. But I don't think the way your kids do or Nora and applying the same therapies must miss the point pretty spectacularly?

MyNameIsTerry

16-07-21, 06:04

Why are people so selfish? I can't understand how someone can justify putting others at risk. I'm so sorry that you and your GF have to pay the penalty too, Terry. I'm sure being able to see her without fear would have lessened your load at home too. Just adds to the feeling of isolation, doesn't it?

Yes, it does. It would help because find my self-confidence lifts around her and things seem more possible: Like they used to be.

We are both used to long distance relationships, which helps, and my anxiety made me want to live on a desert island being an avoider. So, I learned to be alone. I know she copes with that but I don't want her to and feel very guilty for not being there a lot more.

Thanks, pulisa :hugs:

NoraB

16-07-21, 06:40

Mazeltov, Nora!! :bighug1:

Ta Vee!

I actually have two grandchildren due this year and I already have an awesome grandson. I literally can't knit fast enough. There's sparks coming off my needles! :roflmao:

pulisa

16-07-21, 08:23

For me it's the opposite and learning to just be. Otherwise life seems like work. But I don't think the way your kids do or Nora and applying the same therapies must miss the point pretty spectacularly?

Mine haven't really been able to benefit from therapy from the professionals. I'm their psychologist now:)

pulisa

16-07-21, 08:33

Yes, it does. It would help because find self-confidence lifts around here and things seem more possible: Like they used to be.

We are both used to long distance relationships, which helps, and my anxiety made me want to live on a desert island being an avoider. So, I learned to be alone. I know she copes with that but I don't want her too and feel very guilty for not being there a lot more.

Thanks, pulisa :hugs:

It's a very difficult situation for you, Terry. You have no reason to feel guilty because your GF understands and you are still there for each other even if you can't be with her in person regularly. There's nothing wrong with long distance relationships and we don't all need constant contact to feel secure.

pulisa

16-07-21, 08:37

Ta Vee!

I actually have two grandchildren due this year and I already have an awesome grandson. I literally can't knit fast enough. There's sparks coming off my needles! :roflmao:

You're far too young to be a Granny x 3!!:D Do you know the sex of number 3 yet?

NoraB

16-07-21, 09:20

You're far too young to be a Granny x 3!!:D Do you know the sex of number 3 yet?

I had my eldest at 17 lol. I was expecting to have been a gran a lot sooner than this!

Nope. GC number three's sex is unknown. :yesyes:

AntsyVee

16-07-21, 17:05

Ta Vee!

I actually have two grandchildren due this year and I already have an awesome grandson. I literally can't knit fast enough. There's sparks coming off my needles! :roflmao:

Sooo cute!! I'm so happy for you, Nora!! I received two wonderful nephews during 2020, and I love them more than I can imagine!