View Full Version : Thoughts Doing My Head In
Hi everyone,
Just want to vent for a minute. My thoughts are driving me round the twist today. I understand it's anxiety and that anxiety causes all of these irrational thoughts but it doesn't stop me worrying.
Here's today's menu:
1. I worry about hitting my workmakes and then even though I know I haven't, I question myself -am I sure? I'm not a violent person and used to struggle to be aggressive playing rugby.
2. I worry that I'm giving the correct information to people at work - what if i give someone bad information and there's an accident.
3. I worry that I'm losing the plot.
4. I keep wondering how much longer this state of mind can continue because it's dominating my life.
5. I keep checking NMP for information on unwanted thoughts.
Each time I get one of these thoughts, I shudder. Every now and then, I can see that they're only thoughts, nothing bad has ever happened but that only lasts moments before I'm back to the worrying. It's almost like I have a craving to worry. I keep saying to myself - 'trust yourself' and 'believe in yourself' but it feels pretty holllow at the moment.
I just want it to stop so that I can enjoy my life with my family. I've read and tried to understand and accept but I feel powerless in the grip of this thing.
Can anyone give me a thought to cheer myself up?
Best Wishes.
A
Hi :)
My thoughts drive me crazy to!
Cant stop the chattering which then makes me panic even more cause of the feeling of not being in control! and the feeling that im going mad :ohmy:
Im frightened that my mind will start to tell me to do things.
I find this mind anxiety one of the worst for me as its so freaky (not learned to cope with it yet)
Keep telling myself to shut up lol
I try to distract my mind when it happens but its a struggle.
Hope your feeling better
Lisa
Granny Primark
14-11-07, 10:54
I was like this a couple of weeks ago.
I came on here and read what I could on it and it really put my mind at rest.
At the time I was feeling very anxious, apprehensive and extremely tired. Im sure thats what brought the feeling and thoughts on.
I thnk you really need to find a way of relaxing.
For me it felt like I was on the scariest roller coaster in the world and couldnt get off.
I hope you begin to feel better soon.
Take care
LYNN xx
bluebottle
14-11-07, 11:11
They are the thoughts of a tired mind. Let them come, they won't make you into someone your not. If you can try and look at what areas of your life are making you stressed, and if you can cut them out. Also look at getting out as much as you can as sitting in makes us go into thinking overdrive.
I'm a fellow sufferer and don't have answers, these are just things I try to do. Take care of YOU.
michellemumof4
14-11-07, 12:44
Hi peeps
As You all Know these are Just thoughts that seem to attach themselves to the way that we are feeling at the time ,
thoughts of hitting out are very common and when i had mine they always related to the way i felt at the time - ie pent up frustration and anger at how i felt - I never actually did last out even when it would of been justified I kept my calm.
Sometimes I will it to happen if i got a thought i used to think Ok come on then do your worse - and of course the worse never did or does happen.
It takes time to realise that these are thoughts and NOTHING more just cos we think it - it wont become reality , i wish sometimes they did cos right NOW i would be filthy rich and rolling in Money with loads of big muscled men helping me with every whim ------- Oh did i SAY THAT lmao
Trust me peeps try to ignore the thoughts as best you can and work on the anxiety cos the less our anxiety levels are the less thoughts we seem to get .....
Michelle ......... Off to dream about the Muscly men Now any offers let me KNOW oh and Miserie I aint Single lmao
LOL :)
Thats helped me loads thank u :hugs:
Evening everyone,
Thanks for the ideas. Today has been a bit better. I hope it has been for all you guys.
I am working and that's a good thing as it keeps my mind busy and give sme a point and focus to every day. The down side is that I work in the aerospace industry and so errors or mistakes can be very serious. Hence it torments me when I start to doubt myself or think myself capable of deliberately doing the wrong thing. It's the worst feeling but I do feel if I run away, my confidence will take a plunge. When I really challenge myself, I know deep down that I'm my own safety net and should trust myself but it doesn't stop me worrying all day, if you know what I mean. The doubts feel like I'm being chased by a rabid animal that I can just keep pace with. I can't ease up or it'll catch me.
I feel frustrated because I know I'm good at what I do and have no reason to doubt myself but I do.
Michelle and Bluebottle - you're 100% right about the tiredness. I know I'm mentally fatigued after several years of overdoing it at work. I love what I do and it's easy to get carried away when you're enthusiastic. I'm sleeping very well and that's got to be a good thing. In fact, I look forward to bed time as it's my place of peace and tranquility. It's the other 16 hours of the day that are the problem! I think I'm learning that severe mental fatigue takes a long time to recover from.
Anyway, thanks everyone for adding to the thread, I just needed to get it off my chest yesterday and NMP is an excellent way of doing it.
Oh yes, and don't worry, I'm an engineer, not a pilot! Just thought I'd point that out before anyone starts to worry about flying the next time they're going on holiday.
All the best.
A
hi tonkaboy
i think "perfectionism" causes a lot of anxiety - everyone is capable of making mistakes (think of what people say about tony blair and the recent war and he was running the country!). no one can possible NEVER make mistakes and so you have to allow for that element of doubt that you may do but are doing your best not to. allow your mind to focus more on the fact that you do a really good job to the best of your abilities.
your other thoughts - horrible aren;t they. they come with such force. i have been like you today. i have thoughts such as "what if i am a peadophile" and there is no reasoning with them. i know logically i am not a peadophile - if i knew someone who was hurting a child i would be straight down to the police station but i cannot reason with the part of my brain that says i am and because i find it hard to FEEl like i am not - i reason i must be - think this is called emotional reasoning. its like thoughts of violence against others - it is hard to FEEL you will not do it and so you remain trapped in a cycle of thought/fear/thought/fear - you think that there must be a way to flick the switch and stop these thoughts alltogether. its the endless reasoning with the thought that keeps it fresh and so i am trying to just let the thought come and not react to it. the only thing with this is when you stop the reasoning - the thought can come literally hundreds of times a day but this means you are getting better and the thought will lessen in time.
i bet you are like me in that you "look" for the thought and test yourself with it every so often to see if it still inspires fear! we are our own worst enemies! i sometimes think - oh - i haven't had it for a few hours and WHAM its back again!!! i too have been under a lot of stress and strain for the past 6 months and the thoughts have hit me like a train! i know how you feel.
cherry plum and white chestnut bach flower remedies are good for these types of thoughts - i have bought some today!
It's the weekend - hurrah! Been lying in bed this morning reflecting on the week and how I feel. I get the odd moments of clarity when I can see that all the bad thoughts are just that and that the more I try to force them away, the more they pop up.
I've been quite tormented by them this week but guess what, nothing bad has happened.
I find that when I first wake up, I can see clearly but once I get into my day, I start to believe the thoughts and find myself getting distressed. It's a terrible feeling to keep doubting yourself.
I slept for a solid 9 hours last night and this is someone who used to manage on 5 to 6 hours. So, I'm tired, fact. Secondly, work has been very intense for the past few weeks plus I'm constantly worried about the bad thoughts. They erode my confidence and I worry about my ability to do my job and provide for my wife and child. I notice I'm tense and my lower back is constantly sore. So, I'm stressed, fact.
Tired and stressed and plagued by unwanted, intrusive thoughts - I sound like a classic case from the Symptoms section, don't I?
I am going to try and take all of your advice - try to ignore the thoughts and get on with my day - take a risk and trust myself to be the person I really know I am - caring, gentle, conscientious. I'm also going to try the deep breathing and relaxation exercises I've been neglecting.
As I write this, I can hear the little demon saying to me, 'I'm not going to let you off that easily' but I want my life back and the little beggar isn't going to take it away from me!!!
Cheers everyone who responded, it means a lot to me. I hope you guys have a good weekend and take care of yourselves.
Cheers
A
Hi Tonk
I just read all your thread and just wanted to add - like you, i love my job (i'm a social worker with older people) i have a great team and i work with some lovely people. Yes, the job can be stressful, but it can also be rewarding.
i have been struggling with a reaccurrance of anxiety/panic etc since july. My previous episode was 20 years ago when i was hospitalised and very ill. Difference is now - i know what it is and I know that i'm not suffering some fatal illness!!!
Anyway, when it struck this time, i felt totally exhausted and all the nasty symptoms resurfaced. My doctor put me off work (3 weeks in all) and ordered me to have total rest, mentally and physically (easier said than done !!). During that time, i found this site - which is brilliant.
I have come to the conclusion that I am somewhat of a perfectionist, i work hard and really care about what i do, therefor often do over and above what i should. I also have a busy home life with 3 grown up children still at home and working full time is not easy.
Sometimes I think we just need to take time out - or, at least recognise the signs when we need to and I have tried to adjust my life in order to keep well. I have started to use leisure time for me i.e. going out with friends, going on trips, shopping etc, whereas before, i was always "doing things" for other people or around the home, family, kids etc.
Hope this makes sense, but I think that all of us on here have very similar personalties and traits.
Good luck
Judi
Hi Tonkaboy.
I can relate to your post on perfectionism.I too work in a precise job(pharmaceutical) and mistakes can cost lifes.I constantly check myself and doubt myself and i know its causing more stress.I try and breath better and slower and focus outside my head.It's very bothersome at times but with patience it can be overcome.Just believe that it will.
Good luck
hi just read your story tonk, hitting out at your workmates! I had that aswell scared off attacking or loosing control against my workmates it was horrible, but i just started the job and i loved my new job i think the thoughts came in to spoil something that was making me happy. But that wasent the worsed i have a daughter & had the worsed ever thoughts & images that made you sick, @ the mo these thoughts dont bother me because my mind is occupied with something else, just to point out i,ve not acted out the thoughts ever not even close. These sites are very good for help. thanks
BRI.
Hi everyone,
Happy New Year.
Stuggling again at the moment. The horrible thoughts are dominating my mind at the moment. I'm terrified of doing something I'd be ashamed of. Deep down, I know its anxiety talking to me but it still causes me to worry almost constantly.
I've beaten most of the other anxiety symptoms that used to bother me but this one is proving to be a tricky customer. I go for a few days feeling confident and on top of the thoughts. I can see they're thoughts bourne out of thinking, 'what don't I want to think in this situation?'. Then the doubting creeps back in. The fact that I've never, ever done any of these things doesn't seem to hold off the worrying.
I know it's a cliche but I want to stop thinking like this. It undermines most of my life when it's bad, like today. Other times, I seem to be on top of it.
How do you accept thoughts that you could do something really bad? It's a leap of faith I find incredibly difficult to hold onto. I can see that whilst I'm frightened of them, they'll keep haunting me. How do I achieve the 'I'm not frightened of them' that will make them stop bothering me?
Perhaps it's the start of a new year that's making me focus on them. Another year of feeling anxious? How long is this going to carry on? etc.
Anyway, just wanted to vent, thanks for the chance.
Take care of yourselves.
A
Still feeling bad this morning but slept very soundly, which is good.
I can't help feeling that I'm too desperate to get over this. A year ago, I couldn't sleep properly, felt sick most of the time and wasn't eating properly. I've got past all of those symptoms but about 6 months ago, this doubting and negative thinking started quite suddenly really.
I've completed the computer based CBT Beating the Blues, but I don't honestly think that has helped. I was on 20 mg / day of Prozac but that been dropped to 10 mg / day on the suggestion of my GP about 3 months ago. Again, I don't believe it has made any real difference, so I haven't asked to up the dosage again.
I have read somewhere that the mind is often the last bit to heal when recovering from anx. I hope that's true.
Some of the thoughts at the moment go along the lines of - what if I hit someone at work. They'll sack me and then I won't be able to provide for my family and I'll be a disgrace. The next minute, I'm worrying about doing something terrible to the family that I'm trying to provide for. It doesn't make sense at all. That convinces me that it's just anxiety playing it's tricks. Trouble is, I just want it all to stop. I think it's that desperation that's holding me back, but I don't know how to not do it.
Life has been difficult over the last 3 years, loss of my father, serious illness to my mother, birth of my son and working in a job that was very unpleasant, with lots of personal conflict. Perhaps I'm being impatient but life feels short and I want to get on with living it and not feeling frightened all of the time.
I don't know if any of you can relate to my feelings but I just wanted to get it all off my chest again.
Cheers
A
Hi A, I know, I am desperate to get my normal self back again too. I know exactly how you feel. Just as you say, life is short and I dont want to feel frightened all the time either. Probably this desperation has been holding me back too. Yes I am getting out and about locally and to my parents in the car with hubby and him driving. But I am still not 100%. If I was I wouldnt be bothered about going out with friends etc and needing to park near to the shops etc, also I wouldnt be scared to drive away from the town. I still feel strange whenever I go anywhere but as you know, I am pushing myself.
I really sympathise about your thinking, really I do. And you have had a really rough time what with losing your dad and your mum being so ill, then the birth of your son. These things were bound to take their toll on you. But you WILL come through this, WE WILL come through this. I have had this before and ALWAYS come through it completely so there is hope for us all. If we could just not be so desperate....I am sure this is stopping me from relaxing and recovering completely too. Not easy. Anyone any ideas on how to kill the desperation to get well again?
Take Care
Shirley
Hi everyone,
Things are a bit quiet at work at the moment, so I've had time to do some refresher reading. I sat down last night and had a good hard think about what I'm going through and so I thought I'd share it.
Negative Thoughts:
You are obsessing because when confronted with a situation, you immediately think of the worst possible scenario, or rather what mustn’t I think in this situation. You do this because it’s become a habit. It’s anxious thinking.
This then generates a very powerful negative thought, which, unsurprisingly, is accompanied by anxiety. It doesn’t mean that it’s something you want to or even might do, it’s just a very powerful thought because it goes against all of your values and beliefs and it’s taboo and abhorrent. It sticks in your mind because of the very fact you don’t want to even think it.
It’s not the thought that’s the problem, it’s how you react to it. You believe that you must be a wicked person to even think like that. That comes from low self esteem.
BUT……it’s still only a thought that pops up because you don’t want it to – that’s all. The more you don’t want to think it, the more powerful it gets. It doesn’t mean anything about you as a person, only that you’ve had a taboo thought. You can’t stop these thoughts as it’s part of your make up. It keeps you safe by identifying potential hazards.
The trick is just to see them as thoughts triggered by your anxious state – your imagination goes into overdrive – they are not a real reflection of you, only your ability to see what could happen because of your powerful imagination and cautious nature.
Trust yourself, you know that you are a kind and sensitive person. These thoughts don’t change that fact. Your imagination can't make you do something that goes against your core beliefs.
CONSEQUENTLY, THEY ARE NOTHING TO BE FRIGHTENED OF. THEY DO NOT REPRESENT REALITY.
Just let them slide past and carry on with what you want to do. They frighten you due to the taboo of thinking them, not because you might act on them. If you acknowledge this, they lose all of their power.
Notice that the thoughts are more powerful when your anxious and tired. If you are in a relaxed state, although the thoughts still pop up, you can deal with them.
Don’t try to force them away but importantly, don’t take them seriously. Smile at them. Work on relaxation - it won't stop the thoughts but it will reduce their impact.
All I've got to do now is to put this theory into practice. I know that's not going to be easy.
I'd be interested in what anyone else thinks.
Cheers
A
Hi A, I think that thats great. And its right too, what you have written, or at least it makes sense to me anyway. Yes, now the theory needs to be put into practice. I have got to do the same too. Thanks A.
Shirley
I think you're doing quite well, A. You've had quite a long time of feeling like this, yet in all that time you have NOT made the mistakes or behaved as you've feared. You have to accept that you can manage, no?
It's not fun, but you ARE coping and still providing for your family. Well done!
I'd say Keep It Up, but you'd worry about whether you could, LOL. Thing is, you've already proved you can.
take care.
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