TearsForFears
20-07-21, 19:30
Hey y'all. I've made this username months ago but was too chickenshit to post until now (female, recently turned 30). I think my username says it all really.
Today, my head is just exploding with anxiety. I feel as if my body is susceptible to every kind of health issue now. (As a kid I was very healthy).
Since turning 23 I've gotten dyshidrotic eczema on hands and feet (confirmed by GP). Which was traumatic and left me with numerous scars. This issue has been under control now for some time.
However, it seems like my immune system has shifted its attention to another problem instead. Namely, rosacea. This started late last year (confirmed by derm and GP). Needless to say, it lead to embarrassment, stress, loss of self-esteem, problems with eating and sleeping etc. I have the version with redness and heat flares in the face. It's very difficult to treat and it is chronic, like the eczema. I have broken blood vessels and a bit of swelling in one cheek (the latter worrying me a lot) and large pores, which I never had before. It's SO disheartening that rosacea is chronic. I'm so afraid of what I will look like when I'm 40... I fear my whole face will be covered in broken blood vessels. These can only be treated with laser/ipl, but laser comes with its own horrible possible side effects so I'm not considering it.
Next to rosacea I have developed seborrheic dermatitis in my eyebrows (confirmed by derm). I have lost numerous eyebrow hairs due to this. This all while I've always had full and dark brows. I barely recognize them now. Seb derm is chronic too :'(....although caused by an exaggerated reaction to a normal yeast, it is very difficult to treat and will come back. Started treatment with ketoconazole cream, but it seems not to be working.
Due to all 3 conditions, I have lost all faith in my body. I feel like there is no condition or illness I cannot get anymore.
I have been active on Reddit, which sometimes helps but sometimes makes things worse as people can project their own health issues upon me. For instance yesterday I've had a guy tell me to stop using medication (i'm on antidepressants and the pill), as his facial swelling and supposed rosacea were all caused by an allergy to medication. This comment messed me up. I use medication because I am depressed and I need these meds. I think his journey is his own.. I'm 100% sure I do have rosacea. (I may say this, but the comment STILL got to me and made me worry that my meds were causing my swelling too). His comment once again skyrocketed my anxiety and once again made me ponder about quitting my meds (haven't done that).
Fast forward to today. I have a little brown-colored raised bump on my belly which has been there for months now. I'm so scared it's a keloid scar! I never got these types of scars in the past, but apparently my body is super inflamed right now and reacts differently to tiny injuries like picked acne. I'm so so scared I will get more of these keloids. I feel so ugly already :'(
Where will this all stop?! Both types of eczema and rosacea are autoimmune issues. I'm so scared I will get other stuff like alopecia or hashimoto's or lupus or..well, you get the picture.
During the time I got rosacea I also got a few weird symptoms. I got cold extremities and brittle nails, both of which are very uncharacteristic for me. I connected these symptoms to the hair fall I have in my eyebrows (even though the hair fall should be caused by the seborrheic dermatitis). The connected symptoms could point to a thyroid problem. I want to have bloodwork done but I don't dare to ask my GP anymore. I've been to the GP so many times between last year and now :( they already said I'm 'obsessed' with my rosacea. They probably will not take my worries seriously anymore.
Needless to say, my stress levels are very high. Which is so bad for my existing issues.. I have no idea how to stop this runaway steamtrain of thoughts. Also, I have no idea what is real anymore and what isn't. Is it a real concern or is it HA? Edit to add: I've had anxiety related to the health of my teeth too, but when I went to the bi-annual checkup appt recently, everything was fine. So sometimes my HA gets ''proven wrong''. Which I'm happy about, but which also confuses me (not knowing when to discard fears or when to act upon them)
Today, my head is just exploding with anxiety. I feel as if my body is susceptible to every kind of health issue now. (As a kid I was very healthy).
Since turning 23 I've gotten dyshidrotic eczema on hands and feet (confirmed by GP). Which was traumatic and left me with numerous scars. This issue has been under control now for some time.
However, it seems like my immune system has shifted its attention to another problem instead. Namely, rosacea. This started late last year (confirmed by derm and GP). Needless to say, it lead to embarrassment, stress, loss of self-esteem, problems with eating and sleeping etc. I have the version with redness and heat flares in the face. It's very difficult to treat and it is chronic, like the eczema. I have broken blood vessels and a bit of swelling in one cheek (the latter worrying me a lot) and large pores, which I never had before. It's SO disheartening that rosacea is chronic. I'm so afraid of what I will look like when I'm 40... I fear my whole face will be covered in broken blood vessels. These can only be treated with laser/ipl, but laser comes with its own horrible possible side effects so I'm not considering it.
Next to rosacea I have developed seborrheic dermatitis in my eyebrows (confirmed by derm). I have lost numerous eyebrow hairs due to this. This all while I've always had full and dark brows. I barely recognize them now. Seb derm is chronic too :'(....although caused by an exaggerated reaction to a normal yeast, it is very difficult to treat and will come back. Started treatment with ketoconazole cream, but it seems not to be working.
Due to all 3 conditions, I have lost all faith in my body. I feel like there is no condition or illness I cannot get anymore.
I have been active on Reddit, which sometimes helps but sometimes makes things worse as people can project their own health issues upon me. For instance yesterday I've had a guy tell me to stop using medication (i'm on antidepressants and the pill), as his facial swelling and supposed rosacea were all caused by an allergy to medication. This comment messed me up. I use medication because I am depressed and I need these meds. I think his journey is his own.. I'm 100% sure I do have rosacea. (I may say this, but the comment STILL got to me and made me worry that my meds were causing my swelling too). His comment once again skyrocketed my anxiety and once again made me ponder about quitting my meds (haven't done that).
Fast forward to today. I have a little brown-colored raised bump on my belly which has been there for months now. I'm so scared it's a keloid scar! I never got these types of scars in the past, but apparently my body is super inflamed right now and reacts differently to tiny injuries like picked acne. I'm so so scared I will get more of these keloids. I feel so ugly already :'(
Where will this all stop?! Both types of eczema and rosacea are autoimmune issues. I'm so scared I will get other stuff like alopecia or hashimoto's or lupus or..well, you get the picture.
During the time I got rosacea I also got a few weird symptoms. I got cold extremities and brittle nails, both of which are very uncharacteristic for me. I connected these symptoms to the hair fall I have in my eyebrows (even though the hair fall should be caused by the seborrheic dermatitis). The connected symptoms could point to a thyroid problem. I want to have bloodwork done but I don't dare to ask my GP anymore. I've been to the GP so many times between last year and now :( they already said I'm 'obsessed' with my rosacea. They probably will not take my worries seriously anymore.
Needless to say, my stress levels are very high. Which is so bad for my existing issues.. I have no idea how to stop this runaway steamtrain of thoughts. Also, I have no idea what is real anymore and what isn't. Is it a real concern or is it HA? Edit to add: I've had anxiety related to the health of my teeth too, but when I went to the bi-annual checkup appt recently, everything was fine. So sometimes my HA gets ''proven wrong''. Which I'm happy about, but which also confuses me (not knowing when to discard fears or when to act upon them)