View Full Version : Hi all, please help, I’m so upset and panicking.
It’s my birthday weekend and my friend and I decided to go camping with our dogs. I was so excited, though nervous about covid. We just got here after a long drive and it’s awful. I am not really even worried about covid, I am worried about my dog. She’s clearly stressed and I feel so guilty for making her come up here camping with me. I know she was excited to see my friend, but she’s clearly so confused. To make matters worse, their dog is a very excitable puppy and barks at her and I think makes her even more afraid.
We are supposed to go to a winery one night (both dogs kenneled) but my mind is playing worst case scenarios and I honestly think I’m going to say I’m not feeling well so I can stay behind. I just feel like I’m going to panic and cry all night and I wish I could just go home.
MyNameIsTerry
30-07-21, 06:23
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, Poppy :hugs:
Have you spoken to your friend about this? I'm guessing she knows how your dog gets stressed? What does she think you could both do to make this easier for your dog? She likes your friend so could she spend a bit more time with her giving her some reassurance? Can the puppy be restrained slightly if he/she is stressing out your dog (taken away for a bit or put on a lead to control)?
Is there a place that your dog feels safer where you can remove to if some calm time is needed?
It's difficult to say because we know your dog gets anxious and the new environment alone might stress them out. Does your dog normally cope with a change of environment? If so, what helps normally? Does it take a few days?
It's only natural to feel guilty but perhaps things will settle down? Maybe your dog will get over the shock of all this as they feel more confident in their new surroundings?
Hi Terry, thank you for your response.
So, my dog (Chisum) is very anxious and reactive, but I actually brought a different dog (Sophie) on this trip. Sophie used to be my dog but mainly lives with my parents right now as Chisum is usually a full time job. Chisum stayed with my parents for this trip.
Sophie can be nervous but settles quickly. Case in point: she slept like a lot all night while I barely got any sleep, tossing and turning. I can tell she doesn’t like my friends’ dog though - partially because she’s an exuberant puppy but she also has some behaviors where she seems to frighten Sophie.
The other dog is always leashed or kenneled, and if we have to leave them I plan to put Sophie in the cabin bathroom to have an extra layer of security between the two. But I’m still worried. I think a short trip out might be fine but not much more.
I am just so high anxiety right now. I feel very tense and extremely nauseous. I don’t think I could eat hardly anything without feeling like being sick. I really wish I had brought some clonazepam along as I rarely take it but it might help. Otherwise it’s just surviving each moment, and feeling really guilty because I know I’m going to be a bit of a stick in the mud. The only bright spot is that my friends visit here a lot and are planning to move here, so it’s not like a once in a lifetime experience I’m ruining for them.
MyNameIsTerry
30-07-21, 16:18
Ah, it was Chisum I was thinking of. I must admit that did throw me as I've always had the impression the anxiety would be bad going out of the comfort zone whereas they seemed happy to go to see your friend
So, you know Sophie sleeps well so she must he relaxed at least then. Nothing looks more relaxed than a dog rolling around from position to position. I wish I could sleep like that!
Perhaps she just needs some breaks throughout the day where she isn't worried about the puppy? Is that possible? Maybe just some snooze time?
I don't blame you wanting to he extra cautious when you are out. That's fair given the puppy has some concerning behaviours.
But considering how your dog can sleep when you can't do you think your anxiety is distorting things and overwhelming you. So are you sure how you feel right now matches the situation? Not being able to sleep and wanting to escape being quite typical of us when anxiety strikes, especially in situations we may perceive we have less control of? But even so you are rationally looking at certain elements such as when you leave them alone how some extra steps are needed to safeguard. But should you decide to leave now or applied a wait period to see if things change?
You are not trapped. You can leave. Don't let it make you think you are in a corner. Your friends will understand. Don't pile on pressure thinking there is no way out. As you say there will always be other opportunities.
Happy Birthday! Sorry it wasn't how you expected :/ Remember, your dog is going to pick up on your anxiety. If you're anxious around the puppy, your doggie will be too. Do you have a Xanax or something you could take temporarily? Maybe just get away somewhere for a few hours to calm down and meditate or something?
Hi Terry and Vee, thank you again for your kind responses.
I wish I had something to take, usually I take Clonazepam but I don’t have any with me. The dogs are getting along a bit better which is nice, but I’m not quite sure how to express that I just don’t want to leave my dog alone for very long. I’m concerned that she will cry when I leave, which she almost certainly will, and I don’t want her to be distressed but also don’t want her to make too much noise and get us in trouble.
I was able to get us to take two cars, so I could leave for home from here instead of going back to their house (it is faster). And it was nice to not be cooped up all in one car. We are supposed to go to a speakeasy tonight which sounds fun, but again I don’t want to be gone too long. They suggested ubering there and back, I’m wondering if I could offer to uber there and leave a little early, maybe if I offered to come back for them if they wanted to?
im torn between saying that I don’t feel well and just saying that my anxiety is sky high and I don’t want Sophie to be afraid. They had other dog free stuff planned for tomorrow but I again feel super lame just saying that I don’t want to leave her.
Honestly, I just feel like crying and I want to go home. I just need to stick it out until Sunday and then I guess it is lesson learned.
If you think you'll ruin everyone's weekend by leaving, then stay. But if they'll have fun without you there, then you might as well bail and at least save some of the weekend for yourself.
I feel like I should since they did rent the cabins. Also I feel like if I came home early my parents wouldn’t be happy that I bailed (I’m staying with them while my house is under reno). I just called my mom and she was basically like “she’s just a dog, she’ll be fine, stop stressing” and my dad was like “that’s why it’s stupid to bring dogs on trips”. Which ultimately just made me feel worse.
I suppose I will have to tell my friend that I don’t want to rain on their weekend in anyway, but that I am really anxious about leaving her behind for too long and I’m going to need to plan accordingly. Bail early tonight and not leave her at all tomorrow. I will have to apologize like a thousand times and will feel super judged and crappy that my dog can’t handle it, or that I can’t, but that might at least alleviate some of my anxiety. Not all, of course, but some.
EDIT: it’s weird, but it’s also like I’ve just settled on anxiety as an emotion right now. I just talked to my friends and they assured me her barking would be fine, but that it was totally okay for me to come back early too. Did I feel relieved? Nope. Still worried about her doing something, getting hurt, getting sick, etc and just overall feeling incredibly homesick. I just wish those feelings would go away.
Maybe you are projecting your own feelings on the dog? You were really nervous about this before you went on the trip.
It’s definitely possible, though nothing she’s doing is really out of character for her, especially considering she’s in a new locale.
I was nervous, as the same thing happened with I went last year on a trip with my parents and both dogs. We rented a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and it was great, but I still felt overly anxious and guilty.
Honestly, I’m also feeling very homesick and I think that’s a huge contributor. I think being locked down for a year plus really did mess with me.
glassgirlw
31-07-21, 03:20
I have dogs, and I also have anxiety. I’m not saying this is what you’re doing, but I’ve found myself using my dogs as an escape excuse many, many times. If I’m in a situation I just don’t want to be in, or one that makes me uncomfortable, or shoot, sometimes just because the sky is blue (lol), it’s “oh, I need to get back to my dogs for x,y,z reason”.
I only point that out because it’s a trait and pattern I recognize in myself and catch myself doing. I’ve learned over the last couple years to just push through those situations and not give in to the anxiety. It’s easier now than it used to be, and I’ve yet to get home and find one of my fur kids in dire straits as a result. :winks:
just food for thought, and I hope you can enjoy some of your birthday weekend!!
Thanks, and that may well be a possibility too!
I did go out to dinner and drinks with my friends, which was fun. I was gone a few hours and watched her on the camera; she survived but did cry most of the time. However, my friends want to go to wineries tonight but I’m not quite sure, not because of her this time but because I’ve found I’m becoming less alcohol tolerant? I had about half a drink last night and I definitely felt it and it messed with my stomach a lot. I went out with friends a few weeks ago and had a horrific hangover that might be triggering me or I might just not do alcohol well anymore. I don’t know but it definitely makes me want to limit my drinking.
I know it's a winery but do you have to drink? I haven't drunk in months because I know it's a bad idea for me when I'm anxious. You could maybe go for the social side and they might even have non-alcoholic options?
I know it's a winery but do you have to drink? I haven't drunk in months because I know it's a bad idea for me when I'm anxious. You could maybe go for the social side and they might even have non-alcoholic options?
They likely do, but I was the designated driver last night and my friend very pointedly said I should drink enough tonight for that not to be an option. I know I need to stand my ground, it’s just difficult for me as I am shy and hate disappointing people. I have a headache today though so it may not be an option at all, as I get migraines. So I will just have to wait and see.
They likely do, but I was the designated driver last night and my friend very pointedly said I should drink enough tonight for that not to be an option. I know I need to stand my ground, it’s just difficult for me as I am shy and hate disappointing people. I have a headache today though so it may not be an option at all, as I get migraines. So I will just have to wait and see.
Hope all goes well!
glassgirlw
31-07-21, 18:04
They likely do, but I was the designated driver last night and my friend very pointedly said I should drink enough tonight for that not to be an option. I know I need to stand my ground, it’s just difficult for me as I am shy and hate disappointing people. I have a headache today though so it may not be an option at all, as I get migraines. So I will just have to wait and see.
im with you, I just don’t drink anymore. It’s not enjoyable for me and I know the anxiety I’ll deal with after just isn’t worth it for me. Going out and hanging with your friends is one thing, but they should absolutely respect your decision if you say you’re not drinking. Nothing wrong with standing your ground on that one!! Don’t let yourself feel pressured.
We were out and about all day without the dogs, which not only made me feel the guilt but now has me afraid of Covid.
We are about to go on a quick hike, with the wineries after but it looks like they close really soon so I’m hoping they do before we get there. I really just want sleep, especially as I have a 10 hour drive tomorrow.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-21, 06:08
Happy birthday, Poppy :birthday::birthday1:
Maybe just take sips at the winery? I take it's a tasting night in which case sipping is more what is expected despite many people opting to down each glass.
Plus if you are driving tomorrow they should know you have to stay under the limit tonight.
Thank you Terry!
We didn’t end up doing the wineries, which was fine. We did some cool hikes instead.
Now my major fear is that I’ve convinced myself I’ve caught Covid. I keep smelling different things to see if my sense of smell is still there, and if it is as strong as it should be. I think I’m going to have to camp out at my house that is under renovation as I don’t want to expose my parents, but I just feel really stupid.
You could always get tested? That would give you peace of mind?
You could always get tested? That would give you peace of mind?
It probably would, provided that it was negative. I will probably call my doctor’s office tomorrow to see what they suggest as I think otherwise I would have to wait until Wednesday.
It doesn’t help me that I haven’t been able to eat hardly at all all weekend, and I’m just one giant panic attack right now. It’s hard to think clearly.
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