spidergrrl
13-11-07, 17:39
Hi everybody! My name is Jackie (still) and I'm 29. I've been in a relationship for 12 years and we have no children. I work as an executive assistant for a family member about five months out of the year. I also volunteer, read a lot, play computer/video games, walk the dog, and write.
How did I end up here?
About three weeks ago, I went for my annual ladies' exam. Listening to my heart, the nurse thought she heard a 1/6 murmur. She asked me if I had taken any medication. Yes, I had- Claritin D. She said as they had never heard the murmur before (she's been doing my exams/physicals for about 13 years now), she'd attribute it to the Claritin D I took about an hour and a half before. ECG showed nothing. I had no pain, no shortness of breath, and no problems otherwise. I did have a slight infection, bacterial in nature, and I took two antibiotics in the office for it. I went home fine with my yearly, regular scrip for BCP.
A few days later, I noticed a shortness of breath. I ignored it as allergies for a day (it didn't feel NOT like allergies, so...). I didn't take any more Claritin, though, as I thought it might cause more problems than it fixed. The shortness of breath developed a little and I decided to go to the doctor. The doctor listened to my heart and lungs and took a history and asked questions (imagaine! :)) and then said because of the drought we are suffering and the huge number of spores and pollen in the air from the lack of rain and cold weather, quite a number of people were coming in with allergies, bronchitis, and other lung issues. He diagnosed it as bronchitis caused by and in conjunction with a respiratory infection.
Now, I've had colds and respiratory infections as often as anybody else. Usually, however, I get head colds. I almost never get chest colds, especially without congestion. He put me on Mucinex, Albuterol, and some cough medicine to help me cough up any congestion.
A week later, the anxiety had started. "I'm not feeling any better," I thought, not taking into account that bronchial attacks can last for weeks. I even had a co-worker who went to the doctor for the same symptoms (and diagnosis) and was told it would be a month before she was feeling 100% again! Did I take any of that into account? No.
So, I gave the medicine a little time to work. The next Friday (one week later), I went back to the doctor and told him I was feeling somewhat better, but that I had periodic episodes of chest tightening and shortness of breath (again, no pain or anything and not any different from before, mostly just uncomfortable). He made sure I was using the inhaler (yes) and said I might benefit from some corticosteroids for the inflammation in my lungs. I started that course and felt a little better. I also went for some walks to breath deeply and try to regain some energy I lost from lying around and feeling bad.
All that sounds relatively normal, right? Crappy, sure, but I've been lucky enough not to have had the flu in several years and having had very few colds.
Now, here I am at work a few days later and I'm comvinced I'm about to have a major heart attack.
What?!
Seriously. I still have the shortness of breath (which I was told I would), my left lung is a little sore from coughing, as are my ribs and back. I also have some gas which started with the steroids. I have absolutely no heart-area chest pain, no numbness, no crushing sensations, nothing.
My mind, however, says that I am going to die any time. Every little gas bubble (which feel EXACTLY like every other gas bubble I've ever had and occur simultaneously with digestive feelings) is potential heart pain. The soreness in my shoulder and hand from crocheting (a new skill I just started and the pain is in my non-dominant hand, of course) are probably heart attack pain.
I know where it's coming from.
1. My dad died from heart attack almost two years ago. He was VERY sick at age 67, having battled prostate cancer (in remission) and a debilitating addiction to alcohol. He was a very stressed person and although he ate right and drank water and exercised lately, his early years were very unhealthy.
2. The shortness of breath is uncomfortable and strange (to me). I'd earlier convinced myself that I have emphysema, depsite having never smoked a cigarette in my life and mostly staying away from second-hand smoke.
3. Fear of change. What if I DO have asthma? Will I be able to do anything again? Will I be able to have kids? What if I DO have emphysema? Will I die soon? Regardless of whether any of these things is likely or possible, I start extrapolating horrible scenarios of being bed-ridden and unable to be around family members who smoked a cigarette two days ago or who have cats or or... you get the idea.
4. Fatigue. I started back to work full-time and I'm tired. I haven't got into a good routine of sleeping (and this stress isn't helping) and I'm tired because I'm... well, tired! My brain is reading this as disease-related, of course.
As you can see, there is a rational mind at work in there. It tells me that shortness of breath will not and cannot last forever, that either my body will alert me to more needs by getting worse or different or that it will heal. It won't stay exactly the same. Somewhere in there I know that emphysema does not appear over a period of 18 hours with no earlier signs/symptoms.
However.
The Internet exists, I have access to it at work, and it's convinced me several times that I'm dying. Never mind the fact that the doctor KNOWS my family history, diagnosed and treated an illness annnnnd did not change that diagnosis or think anything was terribly wrong when I went back the second time. Never mind that I can feel that it's my lung that feels a little raw/overused every time I cough and not my heart. And also never mind that those gas pains and tummy problem were described as being side effects of the steroids.
All that matters is that the longer I think about the fact that I might be dying and the longer the bronchitis doesn't magically disappear in an instant, the worse the panic sensations get. Panic makes you feel like you're having a heart attack (that's what your brain says, anyway). It becomes a cycle.
Anyway, that's why I'm here. Knowing I'm not the only one has at least allowed me to breath (metaphorically, anyway) a lot easier.
How did I end up here?
About three weeks ago, I went for my annual ladies' exam. Listening to my heart, the nurse thought she heard a 1/6 murmur. She asked me if I had taken any medication. Yes, I had- Claritin D. She said as they had never heard the murmur before (she's been doing my exams/physicals for about 13 years now), she'd attribute it to the Claritin D I took about an hour and a half before. ECG showed nothing. I had no pain, no shortness of breath, and no problems otherwise. I did have a slight infection, bacterial in nature, and I took two antibiotics in the office for it. I went home fine with my yearly, regular scrip for BCP.
A few days later, I noticed a shortness of breath. I ignored it as allergies for a day (it didn't feel NOT like allergies, so...). I didn't take any more Claritin, though, as I thought it might cause more problems than it fixed. The shortness of breath developed a little and I decided to go to the doctor. The doctor listened to my heart and lungs and took a history and asked questions (imagaine! :)) and then said because of the drought we are suffering and the huge number of spores and pollen in the air from the lack of rain and cold weather, quite a number of people were coming in with allergies, bronchitis, and other lung issues. He diagnosed it as bronchitis caused by and in conjunction with a respiratory infection.
Now, I've had colds and respiratory infections as often as anybody else. Usually, however, I get head colds. I almost never get chest colds, especially without congestion. He put me on Mucinex, Albuterol, and some cough medicine to help me cough up any congestion.
A week later, the anxiety had started. "I'm not feeling any better," I thought, not taking into account that bronchial attacks can last for weeks. I even had a co-worker who went to the doctor for the same symptoms (and diagnosis) and was told it would be a month before she was feeling 100% again! Did I take any of that into account? No.
So, I gave the medicine a little time to work. The next Friday (one week later), I went back to the doctor and told him I was feeling somewhat better, but that I had periodic episodes of chest tightening and shortness of breath (again, no pain or anything and not any different from before, mostly just uncomfortable). He made sure I was using the inhaler (yes) and said I might benefit from some corticosteroids for the inflammation in my lungs. I started that course and felt a little better. I also went for some walks to breath deeply and try to regain some energy I lost from lying around and feeling bad.
All that sounds relatively normal, right? Crappy, sure, but I've been lucky enough not to have had the flu in several years and having had very few colds.
Now, here I am at work a few days later and I'm comvinced I'm about to have a major heart attack.
What?!
Seriously. I still have the shortness of breath (which I was told I would), my left lung is a little sore from coughing, as are my ribs and back. I also have some gas which started with the steroids. I have absolutely no heart-area chest pain, no numbness, no crushing sensations, nothing.
My mind, however, says that I am going to die any time. Every little gas bubble (which feel EXACTLY like every other gas bubble I've ever had and occur simultaneously with digestive feelings) is potential heart pain. The soreness in my shoulder and hand from crocheting (a new skill I just started and the pain is in my non-dominant hand, of course) are probably heart attack pain.
I know where it's coming from.
1. My dad died from heart attack almost two years ago. He was VERY sick at age 67, having battled prostate cancer (in remission) and a debilitating addiction to alcohol. He was a very stressed person and although he ate right and drank water and exercised lately, his early years were very unhealthy.
2. The shortness of breath is uncomfortable and strange (to me). I'd earlier convinced myself that I have emphysema, depsite having never smoked a cigarette in my life and mostly staying away from second-hand smoke.
3. Fear of change. What if I DO have asthma? Will I be able to do anything again? Will I be able to have kids? What if I DO have emphysema? Will I die soon? Regardless of whether any of these things is likely or possible, I start extrapolating horrible scenarios of being bed-ridden and unable to be around family members who smoked a cigarette two days ago or who have cats or or... you get the idea.
4. Fatigue. I started back to work full-time and I'm tired. I haven't got into a good routine of sleeping (and this stress isn't helping) and I'm tired because I'm... well, tired! My brain is reading this as disease-related, of course.
As you can see, there is a rational mind at work in there. It tells me that shortness of breath will not and cannot last forever, that either my body will alert me to more needs by getting worse or different or that it will heal. It won't stay exactly the same. Somewhere in there I know that emphysema does not appear over a period of 18 hours with no earlier signs/symptoms.
However.
The Internet exists, I have access to it at work, and it's convinced me several times that I'm dying. Never mind the fact that the doctor KNOWS my family history, diagnosed and treated an illness annnnnd did not change that diagnosis or think anything was terribly wrong when I went back the second time. Never mind that I can feel that it's my lung that feels a little raw/overused every time I cough and not my heart. And also never mind that those gas pains and tummy problem were described as being side effects of the steroids.
All that matters is that the longer I think about the fact that I might be dying and the longer the bronchitis doesn't magically disappear in an instant, the worse the panic sensations get. Panic makes you feel like you're having a heart attack (that's what your brain says, anyway). It becomes a cycle.
Anyway, that's why I'm here. Knowing I'm not the only one has at least allowed me to breath (metaphorically, anyway) a lot easier.