View Full Version : Melanoma
Hello
I've often thought that I'll probably develop melanoma. Now I was searching the Internet for information on it and am convinced that I actually have it...and this time I'm not just imagining things.
I have many, MANY moles, and new ones seem to appear all the time. Some of my moles are elevated, and some are irregular. A couple of moles only just recently elevated, this apparently is a symptom of melanoma...I have also developed redness around two of my moles, they have that redness around them right now. One of my moles looks just like this: http://adam.about.com/encyclopedia/2498.htm
I asked a doctor about my (already then many) moles once years ago, he just took a really quick look at my arm (which is infested with moles) and said they're just liver spots, but he was wrong...liver spots aren't elevated nor anything else that many of my moles are! I told another doctor I was worried about this not long ago, but he didn't react, didn't look at them or anything.
I read about the ACDE or whatever scale, A for Asymmetry etc...and some of my moles, such as the one that looks like the one in that picture, meet all the requirements for melanoma.
I also read that cancerous moles are painless...I used to think otherwise, so I thought I didn't have melanoma!!
I've had these bad moles for long, only they're getting worse and new moles appear every day...I read that the survival rate for advanced melanoma is very low. I'm really panicked and shocked and afraid...
Hello Kroko,
Firstly please try to calm down because feeling panicky will allow your imagination to run riot.
Secondly, I have lots of moles that 'seem' to change shape, itch elevate etc, especially if Im constantly lookin at them.
Thirdly, the only way to convince yourself that they are normal is to go back to your GP and make him listen. Tell him that worrying about these moles is causing you to worry excessively. Show him every singly one that you are worried about and dont leave there until you feel you better about them. GPs are often pushed for time and dismiss passing questions without noticing the effect it is having on you emotionally.
Doctors are trained to notice anything suspicious about moles. If you insist he examine them all, you will relax. Dont be bullied into rushing.
Im sure, after you have done this, that you will feel better. It is so easy to become obsessed with certain worries when you have problems with anxiety.
Take care
Jude x
hello Kroko,
All you can do is go see your doctor again and ask him. Good luck!!
Sarah :D
hi go back to your gp explain that you know you have discussed the moles before but could he look again as your having worries , try not to look on the internet for information about it as this can make you feel worse as you end up believing you have the whole lot of symptoms when in fact you dont i was always looking and ended up convincing myself i had loads of incurable diseases which of course i havent.......a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing
fan x
I made an appointment with a (private) dermatologist for Monday.
I got a full-fledged panic attack today so I took diazepam as I still had one pill of that left from when I was in the hospital (psychiatric ward) May last year. Whenever I get a panic attack I'll feel panicky and get more attacks for the rest of the day and beyond if I can't calm myself down.
I'm sure I have melanoma which by now is not curable. Unlike my sister, who took her own life, I just want to keep living, no matter how bad I sometimes feel, but now I think I'll die slowly and painfully in the near future.
I've always been anxious about my moles because I have so many of them and new ones appear all the time, they start small and then grow. I've never seen anyone have so many moles, I don't even know how many I have because it's impossible to keep track, but new ones have been appearing for as long as I can remember (I'm now 20) and I feel like I have at least a hundred of them...
I find it really difficult to wait until Monday, although it's only four days away...I'm also very much afraid and anxious about it because I keep imagining the doctor's expression when he tells me it's melanoma and my prognosis is not good at all. Then I'll probably just cry...I feel the hopelessness already.
I tried talking to my parents about it but they said I'm very selfish and need to stop harassing them and that if I die it's not their problem and there's nothing they can do about it.
I have no one to talk to. :( My friends stopped keeping in touch with me when I stopped going anywhere because of my panic attacks. I rarely see my psychologist because she's so busy.
HI Kroko,
Going to a dermatologist is the best thing you can do as they see melanomas every day and are specialists in spotting and treating them.
Be sure that he/she sees all of your skin especially the bits like your back that you find it hard to see alone.
They are far more prevailant in those who have abused sunbathing for years on end.
Sorry to hear about your parents reaction.
With distraction and rational thinking try to stop imagining and thinking ahead- its making you far worse - you have done everything sensible that you can do until Monday.
Let us know how you get on.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
try not to concentrate too much on the worse that can happen, but try swap your thinking to how you will feel if he says they are not what you imagine them to be, we all blow things completely out of proportion when we get anxious and it will be hard to not have these thoughts but try, just keep reading the posts on here and be positive
fan x
Hi Kroko
I know how hard it is to find those positive thoughts when you
are scared about something.
My 14 year old son has lots and lots of moles, there is one on the
side of his head which over the years has been changing and getting
bigger. Last year I found a growth on his tummy. I like you searched
the net[V] wrong thing to do, it made me feel worse.
I took him to see a dermatologist and everything was fine.
They just want to keep an eye on them and he is due to go back
in march.
Please Kroko like everyone has said try and keep those thoghts
rational.
Thinking of you
LOVE JILLXXX
Thank you so much everyone.
I can't stop thinking that some of my long-time symptoms are actually caused by melanoma; the sweating in my sleep, the depersonalisation...I've read that both of those can be symptoms of an underlying serious illness. And maybe my gluten A level being high is caused by melanoma and not celiac disease like my doctor thought.
hi it is hard to keep calm in this situation but also remember that those are also symptoms of anxiety and panic and probably a hundred other things that are not life threatening
fan x
Hi Kroko
I'm really sorry to hear how you've been feeling and what's been going-on. I would say that a second opinion from a dermatologist would be a good idea - *however* - I also know that people like us can let their imagination run riot when it comes to things that are wrong with them... for example, in my mind I've had cancer - pancreatic, throat and any number of possible tumours. More recently, after suffering my first full-blown Panic Attack - I've felt sure I'd developed a serious heart condition.
What I'm trying to say is we lock on to things and convince ourselves that we've got something. It's part and parcel of anxiety and panic disorder. One of the greatest things about the internet is the availability of information on medical matters - take this place, it's wonderful and really helpful! However, the downside is that if you take an average symptom list from many medical sites and resources you can convince yourself that you have at least 80% of the symptoms they describe... there's the old saying 'A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing' and that's especially true when it comes to analysing medical data for possible condtions we may (and most likely may not) be suffering from.
For whatever my opinion's worth I would say, despite your fears, you probably don't have melanoma. Even if you do the advances being made in medicine and technology are excellent and getting better all the time. My father has had serious skin cancer. He was treated and now lives a full and happy life - and the stubborn old goat still won't wear lotion when he's outside - he has many raised moles which have subsequently been looked at since he was treated and all of them have proved benign.
So, Kroko, I know it's hard and I know it feels very, very real indeed but it may not be the case. Get a second opinion, good luck and hang on in there and remember, there's a solution for every problem.
Good luck and good health to you.
J
Hello
I'm back from the dermatologist.
55 euros and 5 minutes later, I apparently do not have melanoma or any other skin disease. He also claimed that I don't have an unusually high amount of moles.
Well thats good then !!! Feel relieved and better ?
It may seem like lots to you but he sees hundreds of people so has a really good idea what the dermatological definition of lots is !!
Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Well thats good then !!! Feel relieved and better ?
<div align="right">Originally posted by Meg - 15 February 2005 : 16:12:26</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
About the skin thing, yes...but today as I was taking a shower as I was showering my head I felt a sharp pain there on a particular spot of my scalp. This wasn't the first time I've felt a sharp pain on my scalp. When I pointed the shower elsewhere the pain stopped and when I pointed it back to that spot the pain started again, I'm thinking I have some kind of problem with my arteries or something...ahh I don't know! Also, twice I've gotten that kind of sharp pain, only waaay more immense, when I've held my head against the wall...it felt like I broke some veins or something.
Kroko
Well done for the good news from the dermatologist.
The pain on your head may possibly be caused by a trigger point - that's to say, a hyper-irritated spot in the tissue of your muscles. We anxious people get them a lot (because of muscle tension in our bodies) and they are only just becoming understood by modern medicine (though I believe some types of oriental medicine have been treating them for centuries). You can get them in various parts of your body and they can also cause what's known as referred pain - that's to say you might have a trigger point in your neck and it's causing the pain in your scalp. I've had numerous trigger points (once you find one you always can find more) and they hurt like merry hell. They can be treated very simply with massage. It hurts but it makes them go away.
Kroko, for the sake of your own health, take a deep breath and look at it rationally.. you were terrified you had melanoma - you didn't. You are typing a message now and are worried you've broken veins on your head.. It seems to me that you are in an a vicious circle of behaviour which panic is causing.. Now you know you don't have melanoma the condition means you start worrying you have something else somewhere.. so you become more anxious, you feel more symptoms and so it continues...
For whatever my opinion is worth - direct your considerable energy and thought power at tackling the panic/anxiety you are feeling - I'm sure if you did you would begin to feel a lot better and make some progress. I'm sure this is the root cause of many of the distressing thoughts/feelings you are experiencing. Unfortunately, recognising that this is the case isn't always easy but I do know as an anxiety sufferer myself that I've been convinced I've been suffering from life-threatening conditions and complications and I have not - it was just the anxiety fuelling my imagination which in turn fuelled the symptoms I was experiencing.
Don't keep beating yourself up and try to take a step back and approach it in a different way.. what do you have to lose if you try that?
Good luck and good health
J
hi great to hear you had the moles checked and it wasnt the problem you thought .all that worry for nothing hope your feeling better about yoursellf today that must be a real load off your mind
fan x
nomorepanic
15-02-05, 19:28
Good news Kroko.
For your own peace of mind take some pics of them now so you can compare them in a year or so and assure yourself that all is fine.
Try not to find something new to worry about now. Just be happy that you are ok and well.
Don't look for more problems as it will make you worse.
Nicola
Kroko,
Great news from the dermatologist! You can now pat yourself on the back for actually getting to the doctor & facing your fear about melanoma. And you can feel reassured that your moles are safe.
BUT-----and JPF is absolutely right----you are immediately finding/looking for other symptoms---& turning each ache & pain into a 'killer disease'!
Rationally, the "melanoma scare" should be a valuable lesson---look at the amount of panic & fear that you caused yourself, you had convinced yourself about having the disease. You didn't have it--& the dermatologist even said you do not have excessive moles. Try to stand back a bit--the melanoma didn't happen, all that happened was---your compusive thoughts of melanoma fed your panic, bigtime!
As I said before--your panic is being fed 3 square meals a day!
Well done on facing today but try making it into a "turning point" in your fight against panic.
Linda. x
I find I'm still slightly worrying about my moles, even though I know I have nothing to worry about when it comes to them!
Thank you all for your support and good advice.
Hi Kroko,
So glad to hear that everything turned out O.K. I know how you feel, I too convinced myself that I had every illness under the sun from AIDS/cancer/heart disease etc and it begins to rule your life. I would latch on to any symptom i had and then go to the library and look it up then panic then rush off to the doctor and tell him i needed tests. I am sure he got so fed up with me but he was very good and always tried to reassure me.
Even after having an HIV test, brain scans, ECG's etc I still could not get these thoughts out of my mind even though the tests proved I didn't have any of these illnesses. Even now after 5 years of suffering from panic attacks and anxiety symptoms there is still a little voice in my head that says "maybe this is something serious", but I have to try to get on with my life and try not to let the anxious thoughts take over. I know it isn't easy because your mind is a very powerful tool and it is good at fooling you. The best thing you can do is try not to read medical books as this can make the sypmtoms of anxiety worse as you can convince yourself you have everything. My boyfriend used to get so angry with me when he saw me reading medical books and he used to say things like "well what illness do you have today?" and he used to make a joke out of it which used to really annoy me as I felt he didn't understand what I was going through and I don't think he ever will. It is so hard for people who don't suffer with anxiety to comprehend what we are feeling and it is so important for you to have support and understanding, this is why this website is so amazing because there are people who don't have a supportive family or friends and this is what this website can provide as you know that everyone knows what it is like and that you are not going mad!
Even though my boyfriend wasn't very supportive I think it was because he was scared because he couldn't do anything to make me better, but I was so lucky that my mum was very patient and supportive even though she didn't understand she was always there to listen and tried to calm my fears.
I am doing O.K most of the time but still suffer from daily anxiety but no where near as bad as before because I am taking medication(Effexor).
Hope this helps a bit and remember you are not alone!
P.s I too have quite a few moles, quite big raised ones and I used to examine them daily convinced they were cancerous, but now I hardly notice them. So things do get better!
take care
Lisaxxx
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