View Full Version : Bowel Cancer Fear
Hi
I’m new to this forum so will give you a bit of a background about me. I suffer from health anxiety, which has escalated over the years following my breast cancer diagnosis when I was 35. I am now 44. I have received counselling over the years and currently take an anti depressant to help manage my anxiety.
Over the past month I have experienced a small amount of blood with my bowel movements, after 3 requests for a GP appointment I finally saw my GP on Monday who carried out a rectal examination and diagnosed internal piles. This should have put my mind at rest but I’ve become completely obsessed with the thought that I have bowel cancer. I just don’t believe what my GP says. I think this stems from my GP dismissing my breast cancer symptoms because of my age and no family history and I had to seek a second opinion.
Since my breast cancer diagnosis I’ve diagnosed myself with various cancers over the years and have always been wrong!! However because I’ve already had cancer I struggle because I’m just expecting to get another type!
I’m very fortunate to have survived cancer but struggle to live my life because of the constant fear.
nomorepanic
23-09-21, 12:18
It really does sound like piles to me. I get them and they can bleed a lot.
It really does sound like piles to me. I get them and they can bleed a lot.
I’ve had a lot of itching too, so I guess piles is a very high probability!
I’ve been experiencing some bright red blood rectal bleeding accompanied with some itching for several weeks now.
I saw my GP she did a rectal examination and diagnosed internal piles. I was given some suppositories to try, that was a week ago and the bleeding is still happening. I am beside myself with worry. How long do internal piles take to clear up?
I keep thinking the GP lied to me just to get me out of the surgery!
Any advice gratefully received.
I think the itching is a good sign that your GP is right. I know I get itchy back there when I see blood on the toilet paper. If it continues, pressure them for more services?
In the meantime are you getting help for HA? It's tough, I know, but worth it.
nomorepanic
28-09-21, 15:22
weeks/months/years - any length of time really.
nomorepanic
28-09-21, 15:22
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
I think the itching is a good sign that your GP is right. I know I get itchy back there when I see blood on the toilet paper. If it continues, pressure them for more services?
In the meantime are you getting help for HA? It's tough, I know, but worth it.
If it carries on I will definitely be calling the GP again. I’ve had various sessions of counselling over the years including CBT. I really struggle to implement what I’ve learnt when I get like this!
weeks/months/years - any length of time really.
Crikey that long! Not sure I could cope with that!
I keep reading that internal piles should disappear in a week!
nomorepanic
28-09-21, 17:36
well mine haven't
I've always been under the assumption that they never really go away, rather they just calm down until they erupt again
I've always been under the assumption that they never really go away, rather they just calm down until they erupt again
That makes sense.
well mine haven't
Looks like I could be dealing with this for a while then!
So I managed to keep my anxiety under control for a week or so, mainly because I’ve had my period and I often find it hard to decipher where the blood is coming from after a bowel movement, when my period is very heavy.
Now that’s over, I’m back to panicking again every time I need the toilet. I had to strain this morning and wasn’t brave enough to look because there was bound to be blood and I would be back in a vicious cycle of anxiety again.
Now I’m worried I’m in denial about bowel cancer and should ask for a colonoscopy. My doctor has told me I have internal piles and need to keep my bowel movements soft, which obviously I haven’t done, hence straining this morning. I don’t believe that it’s just piles.
Writing this I can see how ridiculous I sound, I just can’t seem to think rationally!!
WorryWendy
12-10-21, 17:50
I have the same fear right now.
No blood but soft stools for about a month with no let up and lost about 9lbs.
I have no appetite and get a sharp pain to the right of my belly button.
I have blood tests tomorrow but I'm convinced this is cancer and it's too late
I have the same fear right now.
No blood but soft stools for about a month with no let up and lost about 9lbs.
I have no appetite and get a sharp pain to the right of my belly button.
I have blood tests tomorrow but I'm convinced this is cancer and it's too late
I feel your pain!! I’ve just been on the phone to the doctors and they want me to try another week of suppositories to see if it settles my symptoms. I’m so scared it won’t and I’ve got bowel cancer.
Which blood tests are they doing?
WorryWendy
13-10-21, 13:22
I feel your pain!! I’ve just been on the phone to the doctors and they want me to try another week of suppositories to see if it settles my symptoms. I’m so scared it won’t and I’ve got bowel cancer.
Which blood tests are they doing?
Frustrating when it feels like they're wasting time isn't it?
I'm having a whole host. FBC, Urea & electrolytes (had both in March and all okay), Lipase for Pancreas function, Liver Function and HBa1C for diabetes.
When I was chatting to the nurse about what I've been experiencing, first thing she said was "you're not diabetic are you?" - so it's looking potentially likely to be that. But I'll have my results tonight/tomorrow she said as it's marked down as looking for infection which gets treated as urgent.
Frustrating when it feels like they're wasting time isn't it?
I'm having a whole host. FBC, Urea & electrolytes (had both in March and all okay), Lipase for Pancreas function, Liver Function and HBa1C for diabetes.
When I was chatting to the nurse about what I've been experiencing, first thing she said was "you're not diabetic are you?" - so it's looking potentially likely to be that. But I'll have my results tonight/tomorrow she said as it's marked down as looking for infection which gets treated as urgent.
It is frustrating, at least you don’t have to wait long for the results of the blood tests.
I’m getting myself into a real state today about bowel cancer, I’m convinced I’ve got it.
WorryWendy
13-10-21, 16:36
If the blood is bright red it's more than likely piles. Especially if you're straining. I've had them before and they bled alot!
If the blood is bright red it's more than likely piles. Especially if you're straining. I've had them before and they bled alot!
That’s what the GP said. It’s hard to stay rational when you see blood though!
I’m still here fretting about bowel cancer :( I cut myself some slack over the past couple of weeks while I dealt with my annual mammogram and decided not to look down the toilet to give myself a break mentally.
Anyway, I decided not to live in denial and after straining yesterday there was blood again. So now my mind has completely gone crazy, I spent 3 hours last night googling bowel cancer.
I guess I will have to now try and get a flexible sigmoidoscopy done, I’m petrified!! Has anyone else experienced bleeding from piles which isn’t relieved by creams? My GP said I have internal piles and a possible tear. I’m just so fearful it’s cancer.
nomorepanic
03-11-21, 16:45
It really doesn't sound like cancer to me.
I have had bleeding this week as well but don't give it a second thought now as I have had it before.
If you will only be reassured with procedures being done then by all means ask the doctor for a referral (if they will do it)
I think I’m going to have to pluck up the courage and ring the doctors again.
Surely piles would have settled down again by now.
I keep thinking perhaps the GP didn’t feel any internal piles, just said that to shut me up!!
I think I’m going to have to pluck up the courage and ring the doctors again.
Surely piles would have settled down again by now.
I keep thinking perhaps the GP didn’t feel any internal piles, just said that to shut me up!!
And risk his career?
FMP
And risk his career?
FMP
Unfortunately I’ve been let down by a doctor in the past who said I didn’t have a lump in my breast, when in actual fact I did and I had breast cancer. Doesn’t fill me with hope!!
In more encouraging news, I’ve been using a sitz bath, staying hydrated and keeping my bowel motions soft which has seemed to help the issue.
karenzoall
02-12-21, 10:48
I'm really sorry about your situation and I hope you've managed to find a way out of it. Give us an update on your situation, please. Diagnosing colon cancer is an individualized, case-by-case procedure. The process includes clinical examinations, tests, and imaging investigations. The precise diagnosis comes after performing cytological tests, which clearly establish the nature of the cells, the biopsy being the sure method to confirm colon cancer. Fortunately, doctors can cure colon cancer if identified and treated correctly. At fenbenlab.com (https://www.fenbenlab.com/product/fenbendazole-capsules-222mg/), you can find various Fenbendazole options in powder and capsule form in differing volumes.
I'm really sorry about your situation and I hope you've managed to find a way out of it. Give us an update on your situation, please.
Hi, thanks for checking in on me. I’m currently waiting for a flexible sigmoidoscopy to check on these piles. I don’t seem to have a problem when I don’t strain to pass a bowel movement.
nomorepanic
02-12-21, 21:10
Could be a fissure
Could be a fissure
Oh definitely, probably a fissure and piles!!
So I’ve been experiencing rectal bleeding for several months now. Saw my GP, told I have internal piles and a possible tear.
Nothing is working to resolve them, cream, sitz baths, I’ve tried all I can. In my mind this can only mean one thing, it’s bowel cancer.
I have arranged for a private referral through Bupa for a flexible sigmoidoscopy. I’m absolutely petrified, part of me doesn’t want to go because I just don’t want to know!! I had breast cancer 10 years ago and I cannot face another cancer diagnosis.
In addition to the bleeding I now am passing blood when breaking wind. I think I’ve left it too long and the cancer has now spread to other parts of my body!
nomorepanic
04-02-22, 18:49
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
So I’ve made an appointment to see a colorectal surgeon next Wednesday for an initial consultation.
I’m panicking, yesterday the rectal bleeding wasn’t too bad and today there was a significant amount of blood.
What if my GP got it wrong and I don’t have internal piles but in fact it’s cancer which is now spreading everywhere!
Hey Deb, how are you getting on?
Hey Deb, how are you getting on?
Thanks for checking in with me. I’m struggling mentally at the moment. I’m seeing the colorectal surgeon on Wednesday, so hopefully I will get some answers then.
I’m going through something similar and understand how hard it is. You get so preoccupied on the symptoms and fears. I’ve been reading so many posts on here of people who had similar symptoms and it came to nothing. All the best for your appointment! Hopefully an easy and simple answer for you!
I’m going through something similar and understand how hard it is. You get so preoccupied on the symptoms and fears. I’ve been reading so many posts on here of people who had similar symptoms and it came to nothing. All the best for your appointment! Hopefully an easy and simple answer for you!
Fingers crossed!! I had breast cancer 10 years ago and the fear of being diagnosed with cancer again is overwhelming 😢
Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow and an end to your fears. You are doing the right thing by being checked out by an expert although it's a terrifying prospect for you. It's the only way to get an accurate and precise diagnosis which you can trust x
Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow and an end to your fears. You are doing the right thing by being checked out by an expert although it's a terrifying prospect for you. It's the only way to get an accurate and precise diagnosis which you can trust x
Thank you x
An update on my situation. I met with a Colorectal Surgeon today, he did a short examination of my anus but it was so painful for me he left it.
He’s recommended a colonoscopy. This has sent me into a spin, I was expecting to be told it is piles and that’s the end of it. He said anyone presenting with rectal bleeding aged 45 and over should be offered a colonoscopy to be sure it’s nothing sinister.
So now I’m panicking! Part of me doesn’t want any further investigations!! I know it provides reassurance though.
I'm sorry that you've been advised to have a colonoscopy. It will be definitive though and will give you reassurance which is what you need. I know it's horrible to have to face up to these procedures-especially in view of what you've already been through-but once the initial panic has worn off maybe you will see that the surgeon was being thorough and wanting to rule out absolutely everything in accordance with NICE guidelines. Also your piles will be properly assessed and treatment options will be clearer xx
Hi
I know it’s for the best, he can’t make a proper diagnosis by sticking a finger half way up my backside!
He did say it’s recommended to have a colonoscopy and if I experience any bleeding in the following couple of years I can be assured that it’s nothing serious.
Yes and even for longer than that according to the consultant I saw. I know it's a frightening prospect but afterwards you will be glad you had it done.
Yes and even for longer than that according to the consultant I saw. I know it's a frightening prospect but afterwards you will be glad you had it done.
I know I will and thank you for your support.
So I’ve spent the evening crying. Many might think I’m being dramatic but I’ve spent the past 10 years in an annual cycle of mammograms after being diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35. I will have to carry this on until at least 50 years of age.
Now I have to have a colonoscopy, I am just so fed up of tests looking for cancer!
I don’t think I can keep doing this. I find it all consuming.
As you get older you will have to contend with regular screening tests for cancer though. Also GPs automatically fast track you for tests "in view of your age". This can also be seen as a good thing as you don't have to wait for weeks or months but I appreciate that ANY test is a horrible trigger especially when you have been through a previous cancer diagnosis and live in fear of a recurrence anywhere in your body.
I think you just have to get on with this colonoscopy now. Is this going to be a private procedure or an NHS fast track? Either way you won't have a long wait which is for the best.
The consultant yesterday was acting in your best interests. He wants a definitive answer and can't satisfy himself or you by a digital examination even if that were bearable. Any existing piles can be assessed and biopsies taken if necessary. It's not just about looking for a cancer although your fears will be focusing on this outcome xx
Thank you Pulisa. I knows its part of getting older. I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself!
I suppose I look at my friends and work colleagues who are around my age (45) and they’ve not had to deal with any of this sort of health scare yet. I also had a cardiac ablation 4 years ago. I guess I’ve just been unlucky, even my parents haven’t had this to deal with!
I hope I’m worrying over nothing and I’m not going to be very unlucky and be diagnosed with cancer twice!
It will be a private procedure through my Bupa healthcare, should be in the next week or so.
You will be well looked after, Deb and won't have the procedure cancelled at the last minute. Your BC diagnosis must have been devastating but you are still here 10 years later after what must have been a dreadful time but still carry the legacy of that diagnosis. I know that I would be the same and would want to get on with the colonoscopy asap although dreading it at the same time.
Please let us know when you get a date and at least you have a set plan now and have a consultant who is an expert in this field. Do you have friends/family who you can talk to whilst you wait?
I am fortunate enough to have very supportive family and friends.
My family do find it difficult to talk about my previous cancer diagnosis and I have to be mindful that it was a horrible time for them too, as well as my children.
Yes of course but you were the one having the tests and the subsequent surgery and treatment and since that time you have lived with the cancer legacy hanging over you. It must be very hard to shake that off and "get on with your life". I know some people can but others can't and health scares bring back all the fears with a vengeance.
Can you distract yourself and keep busy at the moment or is the anxiety just too much?
I’m actually managing to function at the moment which is a good thing. When I had my chemotherapy, etc for breast cancer I was naive to everything. Now I know how awful the treatments can be and the thought of perhaps having to go through that again keeps coming into my mind.
You are terrified of the prospect of that. It's not reality. You have not been told that you will have to face that regime again.
The "perhaps"is the toughest bit to manage. That's why it's good that you won't be waiting long for the colonoscopy and clarity.
That’s so true when you put it like that. At the moment I don’t know what the issue is, could easily be something simple like haemorrhoids.
Yes it could and then you will be kicking yourself for putting yourself through the mill like this.
I think if you can just put yourself on auto pilot until you have the colonoscopy and try not to predict anything because you will always come back to worse case scenario with an anxiety disorder?
You’re absolutely right. I will try my best to carry on with my normal activities. Hopefully I should get a date for the colonoscopy very soon.
Thanks for all your support Pulisa, I really appreciate it.
I'd advise chasing up the colonoscopy and then you will have a definite date to plan for?
It's easy for me to offer words of advice. Quite another thing to be in your shoes and have to deal with this emotionally and physically. It must be horrible for you but ultimately the colonoscopy has to be done and once it's done you will be dealing with facts and a consultant who has the full picture.
I’ve left a message for the consultants secretary to call me. I was expecting to have heard something by now, they don’t usually hang about when you are organising something privately!!
No they don't. I'm surprised you haven't heard by now. A gentle reminder was probably needed. At least he didn't tell his secretary to clear his lists for you though which would have been very worrying.
I hope someone calls you tomorrow morning.
No they don't. I'm surprised you haven't heard by now. A gentle reminder was probably needed. At least he didn't tell his secretary to clear his lists for you though which would have been very worrying.
I hope someone calls you tomorrow morning.
Fingers crossed!
I am my own worst enemy! Been sat here this morning reading stories of people diagnosed with bowel cancer after rectal bleeding.
I’m now convinced I’ve got cancer!
It's a surefire way to self-diagnose yourself with what you fear so not a surprise..
Why are you reading these stories? Your own "story" will be taken care of by a specialist consultant and won't be influenced by any online accounts of sinister diagnoses..So what is the point of tormenting yourself like this? Tell me one positive thing you could get out of this exercise?
You’re right, I am gaining nothing by doing it but torturing myself.
I guess I was just hoping to find a story where the situation turned out ok!! Not that it would have any influence on the outcome of mine of course!
mark212312
26-02-22, 09:34
Sorry to jump in but surely it would be better for you to read the countless stories on here that have positive outcomes - some people who have lots of red flags who come back with clear results. As pulisa said and I’m sure FMP has said on numerous posts it’s not cancer until they say it is torturing yourself now won’t give you any benefit.
Thanks Mark. I know you’re right. I think because I have already been diagnosed with cancer once, completely unexpectedly I just expect the worst.
I feel like my body has let me down before and will do it again!
mark212312
26-02-22, 10:01
Flip that round - your body didn’t fail you it was strong enough to overcome the ordeal, for me I told myself I was preparing for the worst but hoping for the best but to be frank that was me telling myself a bull**** story I was just re enforcing negative thinking. I’ve been bleeding from the backside for 22 years (TMI but bad enough to run down my leg) so many reasons what it could be so perhaps give them the same attention (if you must, preferably go for a walk or do something positive) but don’t just focus on the worst case scenario.
True, it was strong enough to overcome the ordeal and I coped extremely well through a gruelling treatment regime.
It’s 10 years to the day I was going through tests for breast cancer so that’s triggering me.
mark212312
26-02-22, 11:12
And that would probably be similar for many cancer survivors - at this stage the Drs want to be sure; when I went in the gastro said to me he was 99% sure I had nothing to worry about it was Hemmys and IBS (throw in some reflux for good measure) but their is still a possibility in as much as you look both ways even on an empty road it’s the same thing here they are just looking both ways before confirming anything and until you get your date it’s probably worth looking at it in just that way. Not to be crude but if you feel pain during a digital exam a fissure sounds so much more likely.
I agree with Mark re the pain.
I think the prospect of any test would frighten you in view of your history. It's just coincidence that now is also an unfortunate "anniversary" and doesn't mean anything in terms of your current investigations.
Would you have been completely reassured if the consultant had not been able to complete the digital exam but had left it there and not done anything further? Particularly if you still had symptoms afterwards? I think you would still be very anxious so maybe going the whole hog and facing up to the colonoscopy now will be the best thing for you?
So I’ve just had an email through from the secretary but it has no date on it! Just xxx where the date of the colonoscopy should be!
I really appreciate all your comments, they are helping to keep my anxiety under control.
Deep down I know, I really wouldn’t have been happy without being offered a thorough investigation into the problem.
My friend said maybe the pain was because I was tense! It was more than uncomfortable though and it continued to hurt once the examination was done.
Oh how frustrating! Email her back straightaway and point out the glaring omission?
I know that I wouldn't have been satisfied in your position and the doubts would soon start creeping in. He's following NICE guidelines quite rightly regardless of your history.
You are doing really well, Deb. This is a real test for you in terms of anxiety management but you're winning!! Just stay off Dr Google and the Prophet of Doom medical sites!
My friend said maybe the pain was because I was tense! It was more than uncomfortable though and it continued to hurt once the examination was done.
I've had 2 anal fissure repairs. The pain is horrible and that area is really sensitive!
I emailed straight back and pointed out the error!! Very frustrating!
I think I’m going to just write myself off now! I didn’t quite make it to the toilet, I was desperate to go and literally just blood came out of my backside.
I’m so worried now, it’s got to be bowel cancer, there can’t be any other explanation for that!
mark212312
27-02-22, 14:00
Happened to me about 15 years ago - had a need and it was just blood. Dr told me the urge came from a grossly enlarged internal hemmy that popped
Happened to me about 15 years ago - had a need and it was just blood. Dr told me the urge came from a grossly enlarged internal hemmy that popped
Thanks Mark, that’s reassuring to hear.
mark212312
27-02-22, 19:48
I know hemmys get called a bunch of grapes but they can get as big as a plum - what you perceive as a bowel motion may not have been at all then it pops and all is well until it fills up again. If you then knock the healed sore/scab with constipation you end up in a cycle went in for thee weeks constantly for me lads in works started taking the pi** in the end as they thought it was funny!
Oh crikey, I didn’t realise they could get as bad as that!
I think you’re right though, probably a haemorrhoid bursting.
I hope you get your date today, Deb...and I'm glad that Mark's experience with this is helpful. No matter how alarming the symptoms are there are definitely other reasons for fresh blood loss.
So I haven’t heard from the Consultants Secretary but I had a telephone call from the clinic asking me to come in for a Covid test ahead of my colonoscopy on 9th March!
So it sounds like it’s the 9th March then!
I’m panicking now, I’ve been getting really stressed already, which as you can imagine is not helping my digestive system.
I’m not sure I can mentally cope with all this. It’s bringing back so many bad memories, people reassuring me everything will be ok, the thought of facing another cancer diagnosis is all consuming.
I just can’t do it again, I can’t have chemo or deal with the constant thoughts of death.
Even the thought of another investigation is sending me into a panic. Now I have a date it’s made it real.
Thoughts and "the prospect of" aren't a cancer diagnosis. A date for a colonoscopy is not a nailed on death sentence. I know it must be terribly hard, Deb but you have to stop yourself from spiralling.
It's a long wait until the 9th when you are terrified. Can you see whether they could offer you a cancellation or something a bit sooner? Anticipatory anxiety is far worse than actually getting on with the procedure xx
I’ve completely spiralled into a mess today. I cant go to work, I rang my sister and got upset. She feels totally helpless.
I feel so angry that I’m having to go through this. I would like a life where each year I’m
Not tested for cancer!! This is sounding like a pity party now, my peace of mind that it’s Probably nothing has gone forever.
At the moment I can’t see how it can be anything other than cancer.
Everything feels the same as when I was diagnosed ten years ago. I just know itÂ’s going to happen again.
mark212312
01-03-22, 12:02
Deb this is just anxiety going into overdrive - as pulisa rightly pointed out a date to do a scope/scan or anything else doesn’t mean anything more than having a look around. Just in the last days members on this forum had symptoms they worried about which turned out to be distinctly less severe than they thought. I know it’s easy to say and my own episode of panic attacks a couple of years ago even now leaves a mark on my mind but you really need to relax and take care of yourself - whilst I waited on my CT results I looked at it as what will be will be nothing you can do to change it so be kind to yourself go for a walk buy something nice etc
Everything feels the same as when I was diagnosed ten years ago. I just know itÂ’s going to happen again.
"Just knowing" and receiving a diagnosis are completely different. Can you get some diazepam from your GP to help bring down the severe anxiety? Mark is right in all he says.
Thank you so much both of you for your help and support.
I have managed to calm down somewhat this afternoon. As you’ve both pointed out I shouldn’t jump the gun, I don’t know anything at the moment.
Yes I had cancer ten years ago but I that doesn’t mean I will necessarily get it again. I’m still likely to have something less sinister wrong with me!
It’s the volume of blood which I find scary at times!
mark212312
01-03-22, 16:54
Without going to gross - when you say that do you mean what you see in the bowl or do you mean large congealed blobs?
Without going to gross - when you say that do you mean what you see in the bowl or do you mean large congealed blobs?
What I see in the bowl, which of course can be a lot less than it looks. A small amount of liquid can go a long way!
It just seems to be getting worse over time. I did have a period of time a couple of weeks ago where the blood would literally just be a small bit on the end of the stool. Then it seems to be worse again.
I’m thinking now that the blood coming out instead of a stool is a tumour bleeding and the blood building up, so it feels as if I need the toilet.
nomorepanic
01-03-22, 18:30
I have a lot of bleeding (piles apparently) and there is a lot of blood and I too feel like I need a bowel movement but when I go all that comes out is blood. I do NOT have cancer but Crohn's and diverticular disease.
You don't have cancer until you are told it is cancer.
mark212312
01-03-22, 18:34
I don’t think that’s how it works - really think you would feel better for a long walk and a good soak in the tub
And I think you would also benefit from a short course of diazepam? Just to help you get through to the 9th? Under the circumstances I'm sure your GP would appreciate the need for some chemical help to get your anxiety down a bit.
Thanks all. I will give the GP a call tomorrow.
I’m my own worst enemy, just been reading stories of younger people with bowel cancer, they are all describing losing blood.
I need to stop googling it’s not doing me any good!
You know this. You should be focusing on keeping your anxiety under control now as opposed to making it worse.
Googling stuff like this will not change what you are told after your colonoscopy. You HAVE to look after your mental health. You NEED to look after your mental health.
I do hope you decide to ring the GP and explain about how bad your anticipatory anxiety is.
mark212312
02-03-22, 08:05
That’s the first thing to stop doing - at the moment you are spiralling and have moved on from diagnosis to despair before you have really explored anything. Those sites are wonderful resources for people already diagnosed to find support and if you go hunting you will find what you are looking for minor symptom = major illness. If you must search and I sincerely hope you don’t, search for non cancer terms blood from a fissure, hemmys etc (all the things that are distinctly more likely). I got prescribed diazepam in 2020 and though I only took one just knowing I had them helped me get a proper nights sleep and to be honest just sleeping eight hours helped me immensely. This time next week you will have your answers one way or the other seriously nothing you do now will change anything so try to distract yourself as much as possible.
Ask for the diazepam, Deb? It will help you cope and a week is a long time to wait when anxiety is intense.
I’ve spoken to my GP surgery and they are getting the mental health nurse for the practice to give me a call.
She is very good as I’ve spoken with her before. So fingers crossed I can get something to tide me over until next week.
In a way I feel like I’m trying to prepare myself for bad news, as when I was previously diagnosed it came completely out of the blue and I was not expecting it.
I spoke to the nurse, she’s not sure if I can have diazepam, wants to speak to a colleague.
I am already taking sertraline and have a heart condition.
I’ve been to the toilet 3 times already today. All loose. Yet another symptom starting! I had 0.5% chance of having breast cancer yet I had it. Looks like I will be unlucky again :(
Does it help you to prepare for the worst by self-diagnosing? I suppose it's pointless to offer alternative scenarios if you would rather be prepared for a BC diagnosis? Maybe we are annoying you by trying to "help"?
I hope you get the diazepam x
glassgirlw
02-03-22, 16:02
I spoke to the nurse, she’s not sure if I can have diazepam, wants to speak to a colleague.
I am already taking sertraline and have a heart condition.
I’ve been to the toilet 3 times already today. All loose. Yet another symptom starting! I had 0.5% chance of having breast cancer yet I had it. Looks like I will be unlucky again :(
With all the constant stress and worry that you’re doing right now I would be amazed if you weren’t going to the bathroom every five minutes. If I’m in an extremely high state of anxiety I can’t stay out of the bathroom!! It’s important to remember that this particular symptom is much more likely to be anxiety driven.
Does it help you to prepare for the worst by self-diagnosing? I suppose it's pointless to offer alternative scenarios if you would rather be prepared for a BC diagnosis? Maybe we are annoying you by trying to "help"?
I hope you get the diazepam x
You aren’t annoying me at all. Everyone’s suggestions are helping to keep me sane!
The common sense in me knows that my anxiety isn’t helping my bowel issues!!
The common sense in me knows that my anxiety isn’t helping my bowel issues!!
So listen to your common sense and try to dampen down all the intrusive WCS thoughts because you've got to wait until the 9th for anything reliably diagnostic and filling up that waiting time by googling other people's experiences/stories online or in the media is a recipe for misery and panic.
What are your plans for the next few days?
I've been following your thread and I truly don't expect my words to be of comfort but I'll post them anyway....
Its quite apparent your spiraling and as the reassuring posts have shown, its not really helping. The common sense approach and advice in avoiding Google and ruminating has blown by you as you continue the behaviors that escalate your anxiety.
I get it. I'm a survivor. I've been there. I had a 50/50 chance of my cancer returning within two years and 18 months post treatment I developed swollen nodes in my neck, opposite the side the cancer was. Yeah, I was scared. And then to have me fast tracked in literally a few days to the hospital and then directly from the doctor's office to scans was scary as hell! BUT.... the difference was I knew, regardless, I would get treatment and fight as I did before. Having stared death in the face between my heart issues and Stage IVa H&N cancer, I knew I had the inner fortitude to fight and the sense of reality, regardless of the circumstances, to deal with it.
The continued behaviors have only added to your anxiety and as we all know and you do too, increased anxiety increases digestive and bowel issues. I won't make a prediction as to what the tests will show but regardless, you've faced this before and you can and will face it again. In the mean time, please try to take on the advice given. Stop feeding the dragon with Dr. Google and find ways to distract yourself and enjoy the pleasures life brings you. The biggest regrets are not the things we tried and failed at but the things we didn't do because of the fear of doing them.
The difference for me was I didn't dwell on it and feed the worry by Googling and ruminating. I went on with my life as I normally would have. I went to work, enjoyed the time with my wife, friends, family and fur babies and focused on the blessings as opposed to the 'what if's'.
My time could truly come at any time. I'm 63. I've had two heart attacks, triple bypass, triple stents and Stage IVa H&N cancer. So now I live my life to the fullest extent possible because the reality is, the health issues I deal with could take me at any time and the last thing I want is my last thought to be 'I wish I had done or said......'
FMP
Thanks FMP, I know deep down I’m strong enough to do it again if necessary.
I’ve managed to avoid googling for the past day, it didn’t help me before and it won’t help me now!!
I managed to do some work yesterday and I’m working again today, so hopefully that will keep my mind off of things.
I’ve got tomorrow off and I’ve made plans to go shopping with my daughter, so that’s something to look forward to.
Yes it is and well done for arranging that. Have you got anything specific to buy or is it a general look round?
Yes it is and well done for arranging that. Have you got anything specific to buy or is it a general look round?
My daughter wants to go to a specific shop. I’m looking forward to having a look round.
I’m just trying to stay out of the headspace which says I won’t get much wear out of anything I buy, due to my imminent death!!
But if you're determined to write yourself off you might as well go to all your private hospital appointments looking smart?!:)
Not belittling your anxiety but sometimes it helps to see a lighter side to things if that's possible?
Have a good look round tomorrow and choose something for yourself just because you have the opportunity and it would give you a lift even if just for a little while?
Please try and forget about next week even if it feels like the sword of Damocles hanging over you? Give your poor brain and guts a break?
Morning! You’re right, I may as well go looking smart!
The sun is shining as well today (so far!) which has put me in a better mood :)
Well I was in a good mood, just had a phone call from the clinic, they want to change the date of my colonoscopy as IÂ’m the only one having it done on Wednesday!! For goodness sake, canÂ’t get anything done even when you are paying for it!
IÂ’m totally thrown now :(
That's ridiculous. You were given a date and it doesn't matter if you are the only patient. You are paying for the privilege of having your consultant available. It's not an acceptable reason to cancel i my opinion. I'm sorry you have this hassle, Deb. I'd definitely kick up a fuss if it were me.
mark212312
04-03-22, 16:39
You do need to make a fuss for sure - the only silver lining is that they can’t see the issues you are experiencing as ultra urgent.
It seems like they are more concerned about the money to me. Obviously not going to make enough by only having me in there!!
I’m literally exhausted by this now. I was ok this morning, now I’m stressed and my
bowel movements are all over the place which is just fuelling my anxiety further.
If I can’t be seen at this clinic soon, I am going to another one.
You can go where you want. Have they not even given you a new date yet?
You don't deserve to be messed around. I'd expect it from the NHS but not in the private sector.
Just seems like such a battle to get anywhere. I’ve been to the GP and called them multiple times in the first instance. Then I decided to use my Bupa insurance, however I needed a GP referral, that took a month for them to complete and I had to constantly harass them and now this!!!
You can go where you want. Have they not even given you a new date yet?
You don't deserve to be messed around. I'd expect it from the NHS but not in the private sector.
No date yet. I’ve had phone calls today about having a Covid test and completing a health questionnaire. I was so angry with them, I had to tell the clinic my appointment has been cancelled! Clearly poor communication.
It didn’t get off to a great start when I received the appointment letter with no date or name of procedure on it!!
No date yet. I’ve had phone calls today about having a Covid test and completing a health questionnaire. I was so angry with them, I had to tell the clinic my appointment has been cancelled! Clearly poor communication.
It didn’t get off to a great start when I received the appointment letter with no date or name of procedure on it!!
I know...Pretty poor organisation and admin. What did you think about the actual consultant though? If you were happy with him he probably does the rounds of other private clinics/hospitals nearby?
I didn’t overly like him if I’m honest. He seemed cross with me when he couldn’t do the rectal examination properly because of the pain it was causing me.
Why not have a look at other options and look at patient reviews?
Good idea Pulisa, I will do. I’m not at all happy with the service I’ve received so far.
If I did need further treatment it doesn’t fill me with confidence.
I think you need to have confidence in the consultant especially when you can choose where to go.
I totally agree, it’s important.
Hey Deb,
So sorry that you are struggling so much.
I know you are I were scheduled to have appointments on the same day but I've just seen they have cancelled yours! I would absolutely complain, go back to BUPA if you need to as I know that when I received my information from BUPA there were options to go back to them if you were unable to see consultants get tests done etc and it really doesnt' sound like the service you have received has been good.
I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said about the bowel movements, as when this started for me my BM's were all over the place. I've now been taking my Buscopan religiously and some days just been having one BM in the morning, so that has reassured me slightly as it's helped me see that the loose BM's, feeling like I constantly need to go etc, is more likely to be caused by my IBS.
Also, I know it is really really hard as I'm having lots of negative thoughts too but try and keep in mind the more you go the more likely you are to be irritating the area and if you have piles or a fissure then each movement will aggravate it.
I know that probably isn't of much help and I'm dreading my apt on Wednesday but for every sinister explanation for the symptoms there's also a benign one. Unfortunately, because we have HA and also for you because you have previously been let down by Dr's and the medical services, we struggle to see that.
Sending a big virtual hug.
Thank you to everyone for your support, it really does mean a lot to me.
Munchlet, I’m definitely going to complain to Bupa. I’m going to call them on Monday and see what my other options are.
In light of my previous history and my HA I need a consultant and a service I can rely upon.
I know you’re right about my BM’s being all over the place because of my anxiety. Going to the toilet several times a day is never going to give something a chance to heal. I keep thinking if it was a cut on my hand and I knocked it a few times each day it would just keep opening up again.
Hopefully I can get something sorted next week. I didn’t have a great experience getting into the system when I had breast cancer, but once I was diagnosed it was fine. Well apart from my surgeon who I didn’t like!! :)
Hey Deb,
So sorry that you are struggling so much.
I know you are I were scheduled to have appointments on the same day but I've just seen they have cancelled yours! I would absolutely complain, go back to BUPA if you need to as I know that when I received my information from BUPA there were options to go back to them if you were unable to see consultants get tests done etc and it really doesnt' sound like the service you have received has been good.
I just wanted to echo what everyone else has said about the bowel movements, as when this started for me my BM's were all over the place. I've now been taking my Buscopan religiously and some days just been having one BM in the morning, so that has reassured me slightly as it's helped me see that the loose BM's, feeling like I constantly need to go etc, is more likely to be caused by my IBS.
Also, I know it is really really hard as I'm having lots of negative thoughts too but try and keep in mind the more you go the more likely you are to be irritating the area and if you have piles or a fissure then each movement will aggravate it.
I know that probably isn't of much help and I'm dreading my apt on Wednesday but for every sinister explanation for the symptoms there's also a benign one. Unfortunately, because we have HA and also for you because you have previously been let down by Dr's and the medical services, we struggle to see that.
Sending a big virtual hug.
I hope your appointment goes well on Wednesday.
Big hugs to you too xx
Thank you to everyone for your support, it really does mean a lot to me.
Munchlet, I’m definitely going to complain to Bupa. I’m going to call them on Monday and see what my other options are.
In light of my previous history and my HA I need a consultant and a service I can rely upon.
I know you’re right about my BM’s being all over the place because of my anxiety. Going to the toilet several times a day is never going to give something a chance to heal. I keep thinking if it was a cut on my hand and I knocked it a few times each day it would just keep opening up again.
Hopefully I can get something sorted next week. I didn’t have a great experience getting into the system when I had breast cancer, but once I was diagnosed it was fine. Well apart from my surgeon who I didn’t like!! :)
I'm sure you could speak to someone in Bupa over the weekend, Deb? You really need to feel confident in your choice of consultant and hospital. I suppose you can put up with the lack of bedside manner if the consultant has a really good reputation and is known to be an expert in his field but you are being messed around and being left in the dark as regards appointments and that's not on when you need a definite date.
Hey Deb. Hope you’ve gotten a new appointment and are doing ok.
I had my gastroscopy and colonoscopy today (easy as by the way, was really chill once I had the drugs and don’t remember much now). Nothing scary, just some general inflammation that they biopsies and a tiny wee non-scary polyp that they also biopsied.
Hey Deb. Hope you’ve gotten a new appointment and are doing ok.
I had my gastroscopy and colonoscopy today (easy as by the way, was really chill once I had the drugs and don’t remember much now). Nothing scary, just some general inflammation that they biopsies and a tiny wee non-scary polyp that they also biopsied.
Pleased to hear it went well and nothing sinister to be found.
They’ve given me 30th March as a new date. Not sure how I feel about waiting another 3 weeks.
Just considering my options at the moment.
There will be other options, Deb. It depends whether you are ok to wait 3 weeks for this consultant or whether you're prepared to travel to get it done sooner by someone else.
There will be other options, Deb. It depends whether you are ok to wait 3 weeks for this consultant or whether you're prepared to travel to get it done sooner by someone else.
I’m not sure at the moment. I have been ok for a couple of days but have got myself in a real state again. Unhelpful behaviours such as reading bowel cancer forums, most have bleeding before being diagnosed!!
Thinking about things, I’ve spent the best part of the last ten years since my cancer diagnosis believing that I am dying, whether it’s ovarian cancer, bowel cancer, brain tumour, breast cancer spread to my bones. I’ve been through them all!! It’s ruined so much of my life, the constant state of worry and then moving onto the next worry.
Now I’m obsessed with bowel cancer! So fed up of it.
Then it's time to make a stand against these obsessive thoughts which have plagued you for a decade but have not materialised into reality and another positive cancer diagnosis.
Have the colonoscopy and see what he says? Personally I'd want it out the way asap if I had the opportunity. I always ask myself what good would come out of reading unhelpful words online when only my own doctor would be able to make an accurate diagnosis, regardless of symptoms and regardless of what random people on a health forum suggest.
That sounds really rough. I’ve been through similar thought processes too and it’s so all consuming (no medical history to fuel those thoughts either). My mantra and one that’s used in the medical field (I heard it from the TV series House haha) is “if you hear hoofbeats, look for horses not zebras”. Meaning it’s more likely to be the boring run of the mill cause than the “exotic” less common one. When my husband has an ache he blames a pulled muscle and I agree, when I have an ache I blame cancer. It’s a thought process I’m working to challenge and a therapist (and anxiety meds) has been a huge help!
I also stay away from Google and forums that I do not need to be in. My new practice is when I feel the urge to Google a symptom I come here and search that symptom and read stories about people with my symptoms and HA thinking who is ended up with nothing at all, or something minor/east to solve.
Hi All
I had been doing really well keeping a lid on my anxiety. However the past couple of days I’ve had a real need of urgency to have a bowel movement and barely anything comes out.
Also I’ve been urinating and faeces is coming out at the same time. This must be a tumour on my rectum.
I will add though, I only have the sense of urgency in my own home!!
nomorepanic
16-03-22, 17:37
I really don't think it is a tumour and why would it only happen at home if it was?
I really don't think it is a tumour and why would it only happen at home if it was?
That is the logical view point!! I’m starting to think it’s psychological. For instance I’ve just done a boot camp gym class, lifting, jumping, etc with no bowel issues, chatted to a friend and then walked home. As soon as I stepped through that door I needed the toilet!
Could that be possible?!!
nomorepanic
16-03-22, 19:50
Yes it is possible - I do it as well.
I’ve just read about someone who had bowel urgency and it was because of bowel cancer!! Help!! The bottom of my back has also been hurting the past couple of days.
I feel like my symptoms are getting worse each day.
nomorepanic
17-03-22, 16:47
That is because you are focusing on them.
I have urgency and frequent blood and a bad lower back and stomach/bowel pains BUT it is not cancer.
As I said before it could be anything such as Crohn's/Colitis/Diverticulitis or just good old piles and/or IBS.
It is not cancer until they tell you it is and all this worrying will be making things so much worse - you must know that stomach / bowel issues are aggravated by stress and anxiety.
mark212312
17-03-22, 19:41
Best thing you can do now is push for the colonoscopy- nothing said here will reassure you Deb so put your energy into getting answers from someone (a Dr) who can help you put this to bed one way or the other then move forward. All you are doing right now is ‘feeding the beast’ and triggering yourself with every story in the news. Lots of us have told you the other reasons for the issues you have and all from personal experience but by the sound of it until you categorically rule out bowel cancer it’s stopping you from living your life.
Deb,
My BIL had colon cancer and is a survivor as am I from Stage IVa H&N cancer. I've said countless times on this forum that cancer doesn't give you a break. In the 6 months since you started this thread, if indeed this was cancer, you'd be very, very ill and there would be no doubt as to what was going on. You would have been put on the fast tract for testing etc. I have no doubt the symptoms you're experiencing are real, but I truly don't feel its due to anything sinister and I'm looking forward to contacting the 'Told Ya So" gang to send you a message ;)
FMP
Thank you everyone for your messages. When I’m in a logical frame of mind I can appreciate how dramatic my posts seem.
I just hope I can go through with the colonoscopy on the 30th and don’t get hysterical or anything.
My work colleague was telling me the horror story of her colonoscopy and how much it hurt. Not very helpful!!
nomorepanic
18-03-22, 13:14
If you are worried about the procedure then ask for sedation.
If you are worried about the procedure then ask for sedation.
I’ve already said I will need sedation and lots of it!!
Feel like I’m sat on a ticking time bomb. This time next week I will be getting ready for my colonoscopy and to find out I have cancer. I feel like giving up already.
I was thinking of when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, everyone told me I was too young, no family history, etc. I know loads of people who’ve had breast lumps and the only
person who was in that unlucky 0.5% for my age who had cancer was me!!!
I just have a horrible feeling that it’s going to be me again, lots of other people have bowel issues and it’s piles, etc but it will be me who has cancer.
Sorry for the self pity, just feeling rubbish :(
You have a "horrible feeling" but not an actual diagnosis from your actual consultant colorectal surgeon in actual words.
It's not cancer until you are told categorically and from a reputable medical professional that it is.
Of course you have been through a terrible trauma already 10 years ago and it can't be easy to just "forget" that. Of course you can't. But you can't set yourself up for a worst case scenario to protect yourself from being blase and dismissive about the colonoscopy. The anticipatory anxiety this week will be awful and I've been fortunate enough never to have had a cancer diagnosis so I can only begin to imagine your fear and you will think quite rightly, what does she know about the intensity of my anxiety?
I'd just urge you to be realistic and to approach the colonoscopy with acceptance that you need to get this done and you will face up to whatever diagnosis is reached because you have no choice and you WILL cope..You've proved that with what you have endured in your life already.
I’m just terrified, I’m really not strong enough to go through it again.
Who says you will have to? Deal with what is on your plate at the moment..Don't predict the future..You don't know anything yet. At this stage you have a procedure booked for next Wednesday and need to psyche yourself up for that. You can choose to have sedation which will be a big help.
mark212312
23-03-22, 14:52
Symptom wise is it still just the blood that worries you - are you still bleeding after every movement etc remember not to lose perspective
Symptom wise is it still just the blood that worries you - are you still bleeding after every movement etc remember not to lose perspective
Hi, yes it is the blood which bothers me. I do find though if I’ve been keeping my fluids and fibre up, the bleeding stops or is significantly less. For instance the other day I had a bowel movement, no blood, then I started pushing a bit and blood began dripping out.
Who says you will have to? Deal with what is on your plate at the moment..Don't predict the future..You don't know anything yet. At this stage you have a procedure booked for next Wednesday and need to psyche yourself up for that. You can choose to have sedation which will be a big help.
I’m definitely opting for sedation, I’m going to need it!
I’ve just had a bowel movement and there was loads of blood. This cant just be from piles.
nomorepanic
24-03-22, 13:34
It can be from piles. It could also be from a fissure or diverticular. Bright red blood rarely indicates cancer.
There is nothing you can do until you get the test so please just stop stressing and making yourself ill.
I’m so sorry to anyone who has to keep reading my rants on this forum!!
You don't need to apologise..I hope it takes some of the pressure off just to let it all out in a safe environment?
You DO need to stop "coming across" ie seeking out websites/personal stories which are guaranteed to ramp up panic though.
It’s definitely helping being able to express my feelings and worries here.
I know what you mean, I am not just ‘coming across’ these stories am I, I’m actively seeking them out, which doesn’t help!
So this morning I had wind and blood stained water came out. I feel like this is getting more serious by the day :(
mark212312
25-03-22, 07:17
Deb, if it was strong wind the muscle contractions etc can pop a hemmy the water is mucus - as I and many have said it really does happen like that. Your fear is not lost on me for sure Bowel cancer has been one of my life long fears since my first episode 22 years ago and every time I see blood I worry this time is different but I’ve been told what mine is and you will be told what yours is then you just have to get on with it equally you may need to learn to live with it because it may never go away and you can’t live your life worrying every time it happens.
Thanks Mark. My husband just told me that I should be grateful I’ve had 10 ‘extra’ years following my breast cancer diagnosis!! As my friend died from breast cancer 2 weeks before I was diagnosed. Extra years!! I’m 45 not 85!!!
Don’t get me wrong I’m extremely lucky to have survived this long, my cancer had already spread to my lymph nodes and was a very aggressive form of breast cancer but I would have been far luckier not to have had it in the first place!!!
Sorry just needed to get that out!! The return of cancer is such a big fear of mine, I just can’t seem to concentrate on the more common ailments my symptoms could also be.
Of course you can't and your husband's comment was extremely insensitive and hurtful.
These next few days are going to be very tough for you and no one will be able to reassure you about your symptoms because you have decided that the news will be bad. You are steeling yourself so that you don't get a terrible shock again. I can understand that and I'm sure I would do the same. You can only think of one outcome so why not make a plan for what you would do and how you would approach treatment and take some control back? I'm not for one minute suggesting that you have another cancer diagnosis on the cards but shifting from a "I won't be able to go through this again" mindset to a "I will wait and see what is found and get the best possible medical advice" may be a better option for you at this stage?
mark212312
25-03-22, 11:54
Pulisa’s advice is spot on - when I had my big wobble a couple of years ago the days before my CT scan I was ‘steeling’ myself too and doing a plan to take back control definitely made me feel stronger. Also be kind to yourself these next few days don’t look down the pan don’t look at the paper flush and go because you will have your answers come what may in a few days regardless.
Yes I agree..There's no point ruminating on the blood etc. Why add to your anxiety? Build up your mental reserves for Wednesday and don't take any more nonsense from your husband!
As much as I can prepare myself, if I hear those words again that it’s cancer I won’t be able to cope.
The past ten years have been dominated by cancer, check ups and then every ache, pain and symptom has had me panicking.
If the worst were to happen I’ve already told my family I’m not having treatment again.
Easy for me to trot out words on a screen, I know...but there is still an "if" which plays a significant part in your procedure and resulting diagnosis. You've been living with these fears for 10 years now and that's a terrible legacy to bear and it must overshadow everything you do?
That’s the thing, having cancer treatment is just one part of it, getting back to some sense of ‘normal’ after, once all your peace of mind is gone is another story.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t thing about cancer everyday but as soon as I have a symptom, have my annual check up coming up or see something on the news it sparks it off again.
I'm sure it must do and I think that's a very normal response. I do so hope that Wednesday brings you relief and reassurance but I appreciate how mentally gruelling this all is for you. Please just use this thread as much as you need to if it helps a little bit? At least we lose an hour tonight with the clock change so one less hour to endure!
So I went for a PCR test at the clinic yesterday ahead of my procedure on Wednesday.
This morning I’ve had notification that my test was positive!! You couldn’t make this up. I feel fine but it means my colonoscopy cannot go ahead now until next week.
What a curve ball, I’m so upset, it can’t be helped I know but it just feels like I’m getting further away again from things getting sorted one way or another.
I’m just exhausted by it all now.
glassgirlw
28-03-22, 10:38
I’m so sorry, Deb. I know that’s frustrating. Will be thinking of you and hoping the anxiety is manageable until then.
I’m so sorry, Deb. I know that’s frustrating. Will be thinking of you and hoping the anxiety is manageable until then.
Thank you :) So frustrating, of all the times to get Covid!
Oh no...I'm really sorry, Deb. At least you hadn't started your bowel clear out though.
You've had rotten luck with getting this sorted. Look after yourself and get those covid spores out of your system as soon as possible!
Oh no...I'm really sorry, Deb. At least you hadn't started your bowel clear out though.
You've had rotten luck with getting this sorted. Look after yourself and get those covid spores out of your system as soon as possible!
That’s the only saving grace, I hadn’t started on the bowel prep yet!
I’m really struggling to hold it together now. I feel like I’ve been living in denial and have left this too long. It’s been going on for months, if it’s cancer it will have spread by now.
Today I’ve had blood stained mucus. This is all getting too much for me.
This might be TMI but I’ve found that If the stool is loose there is no blood/very little blood. The blood seems to follow after the stool if it’s hard. Could that just be that it’s rubbing more against a tumour in the rectum?
Passing fresh blood after a hard stool? Can you think of another option rather than what you have come up with?
Passing fresh blood after a hard stool? Can you think of another option rather than what you have come up with?
Piles?!!
I thought I would try and find the reasons why it might not be bowel cancer, mind you
I did the same with my breast cancer diagnosis to no avail!!
Anyway, I’m not experiencing any abdominal discomfort, no fatigue, no weight loss, though I’m aware these symptoms don’t always appear until a late stage. No real change in number of bowel movements per day, problem is bleeding. Bleeding which lessens following a softer bowel movement. Blood seems to
drip out after the movement and sometimes not until I begin pushing.
I’ve experienced some itching in the area in the past but not so much in the past couple of months. GP told me she felt internal haemorrhoids, consultant could feel some inflammation but I found it very painful on examination.
Now if someone else had written all that, I would be saying sounds like piles, but not in my own mind!!
I thought I would try and find the reasons why it might not be bowel cancer, mind you
I did the same with my breast cancer diagnosis to no avail!!
Anyway, I’m not experiencing any abdominal discomfort, no fatigue, no weight loss, though I’m aware these symptoms don’t always appear until a late stage. No real change in number of bowel movements per day, problem is bleeding. Bleeding which lessens following a softer bowel movement. Blood seems to
drip out after the movement and sometimes not until I begin pushing
I’ve experienced some itching in the area in the past but not so much in the past couple of months. GP told me she felt internal haemorrhoids, consultant could feel some inflammation but I found it very painful on examination.
Now if someone else had written all that, I would be saying sounds like piles, but not in my own mind!!
That's to be expected. Will you believe a colonoscopy result or will you doubt it based on your history? If cancer isn't found.
Will you believe a colonoscopy result or will you doubt it based on your history? If cancer isn't found.
Not to mention the 6 months since the tread started and it's not grown progressively worse.
FMP
That's to be expected. Will you believe a colonoscopy result or will you doubt it based on your history? If cancer isn't found.
I will believe the colonoscopy, knowing what a thorough investigation that is.
Not to mention the 6 months since the tread started and it's not grown progressively worse.
FMP
That’s the thing though, I sometimes think it is getting worse!
I sometimes think
That's actually the light at the end of the tunnel ;)
FMP
That’s the thing though, I sometimes think it is getting worse!
But the colorectal surgeon doesn't think this is the case as you've had a long wait for your private colonoscopy?
Well this morning I felt an urge to go and there was just blood. I give up!!
nomorepanic
30-03-22, 13:22
I have had this too. Not sure how many times I have to keep repeating myself though Debs. IBS can cause bleeding as well.
I also got covid right before my colonoscopy last month. I felt like crap so took a home test before starting the prep and there it was (I was going to have to do a test there an hour before procedure so glad I took at home). We are both lucky we did not do the prep because its so damn awful, really the only awful part of a colonoscopy. I am sorry this is happening to you, I totally understand. I was not on wait for that long but took about 2 months (had vacation already scheduled, then something else then covid pushed it back another 2 week) but When you have something like this you just want to get it over with. Blood was not my symthoms but low iron (I am a man) but the colo before was cuz or blood, they could not find any hemmies till they did thr colonoscopy, seems like they can feel some on you so that to me is good, means that there is a good chance it is what it is.
I’m in such distress tonight I’ve been sobbing. I don’t know if I can face the colonoscopy next week, I just don’t want to hear the word cancer again.
Im not strong enough for this, just feels unfair, but I guess life is. None of my family or friends have had to go through chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a cardiac ablation. Not that I would wish that on anyone mind you. I just feel destined for another awful diagnosis.
I’ve been left with lymphoedema and recurrent shingles from my chemotherapy, I don’t want anymore of it!
So what are you going to do? Cancel the colonoscopy and continue with your symptoms without any investigations at all? How would that help you? You'd be forever in "what if" mode and no one is qualified to answer your medical questions on here?
nomorepanic
31-03-22, 20:08
Ok so cancel it then and carry on not knowing and worrying. I know what I would rather do.
I just wish I wasn’t in this situation. I don’t know what to do.
nomorepanic
31-03-22, 22:11
But you are in the situation and what you do is get the procedure done and then you can move on hopefully.
I am certain it isn't cancer.
Trust me its great to just get it done with, imo the what if is the worst of it and it sucks that you have been in it for so long. It certainly could be something but also could be absolute nothing and then you will wonder why you were worried for months on end. Life is unfair for sure but it can also be pretty great. You will have your answers next week and we all wish they will be good
You are convinced you have bowel cancer anyway so not having the colonoscopy won't take that fear away.
If you have the colonoscopy you expose yourself to the risk of a BC diagnosis but you also could get a diagnosis of piles/fissures etc etc. Benign conditions in other words. But you won't be able to convince yourself of that alternative without the definitive procedure.
You are in control of any treatment you are offered post procedure.
I was thinking that, no matter what the outcome, it is still under my control what treatment I want to have.
I was thinking that, no matter what the outcome, it is still under my control what treatment I want to have.
Of course it is. Keep telling yourself this. I appreciate how traumatising chemo was for you and still is... but this is a different situation so give yourself a chance to get a professional diagnosis and then take it from there?
Of course it is. Keep telling yourself this. I appreciate how traumatising chemo was for you and still is... but this is a different situation so give yourself a chance to get a professional diagnosis and then take it from there?
That’s all I can do.
So you have a plan. Wednesday is only a few days off now and hopefully you will be getting a negative PCR result in the next couple of days before your admission.
Try to take it a day at a time and focus on getting your mental strength up for Weds which means no googling or researching BC "stories" and concentrating on your own wellbeing and avoidance of obvious triggers. There is absolutely no point winding yourself up when you won't get any answers.
PCR test is tomorrow, fingers crossed for a negative result.
It’s bowel cancer awareness month so I’m trying to be vigilant about what I look at, as it seems to be popping up all over the place!
I know you’ve all told me not to do it. I’ve been reading stories of people diagnosed with bowel cancer again :(
I’m a fool to myself. Struggling to see how my symptoms can be anything else but cancer.
It's up to you what you choose to read and you obviously want to keep doing this. That's fair enough.
It's up to you what you choose to read and you obviously want to keep doing this. That's fair enough.
I’m my own worst enemy.
As long as you recognise this. At least you are aware of what you are doing.
nomorepanic
03-04-22, 13:59
Struggling to see how my symptoms can be anything else but cancer.
WHY? After I have told you what I go through!
I can’t see beyond the worst case scenario. I’ve been on and off the toilet loads today but I recognise it’s my anxiety affecting my bowels.
nomorepanic
03-04-22, 16:56
I think you need to take a step back from posting as it is making you worse as you are constantly insisting you have cancer.
Don't you have support in the "real" world?
NoahPayne95
04-04-22, 12:47
The common sense in me knows that my anxiety isn’t helping my bowel issues!!
have you tried any medicine that help you deal with anxiety? I've been taking escitalopram for a while and it helps me so much to deal with anxiety. This is something that might help you feel better for sure. buy dichloroacetate (https://www.dcaguide.org/suppliers/)
Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow. Please let us know how you get on and what is decided?
[QUOTE=pulisa;2041216]Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow. Please let us know how you get on and what is decided?[/QUOTE
Thank you, I’m currently on the second jug of the prep, not nice but manageable, I’m just so hungry!!
I will be sure to update with how I get on x
Hi Noah
I currently take sertraline, takes the edge off slightly!
The prep is a necessary evil! Would be such a bonus if that bit could be managed in a different way! Be prepared for a "disturbed" night.
I hope the news is far better than you expect. You're doing the right thing by getting this investigation done although I know it's very easy for me to say this.
The prep definitely sucks but to me the worst part is being hungry. I could do with the bathroom part if I could eat.
good luck tomorrow, we are pulling for you, it will go well and hope for great news
The prep definitely sucks but to me the worst part is being hungry. I could do with the bathroom part if I could eat.
good luck tomorrow, we are pulling for you, it will go well and hope for great news
Thank you. I know what you mean about the hunger, I feel dreadful, I’m so hungry!!
Homeward strait now..It's a horrible prep..
Homeward strait now..It's a horrible prep..
Waiting for my slot, been here two hours! Getting upset now :( Consultant came round and he’s really miserable!!
I know it doesn't help, but he doesn't have to be nice, just good at his job.
Wishing you all the best x
So all done, IÂ’ve got ulcerative colitis, which can be dealt with, with medication. No a pile or polyp in sight!
Thank you to everyone for your support, I really appreciate it.
Colonoscopy itself was a breeze!
glassgirlw
06-04-22, 13:47
Deb this is great news. I’m glad you have your answers and can move on from here!!
Deb this is great news. I’m glad you have your answers and can move on from here!!
Thank you. I’m very relieved now.
I’ve wound myself up for months for nothing.
Thank you. I’m very relieved now.
I’ve wound myself up for months for nothing.
I'm so pleased that it wasn't what you feared and predicted but it's a very good thing that you had the scope because you can now have the necessary treatment..and then you can get on with your life again! Really well done for going through with it!
nomorepanic
06-04-22, 15:04
Great news and as I said for a long time - not cancer and something like IBD that can be treated.
I do hope you can learn from this for next time there is a crisis.:winks:
I’m definitely going to take everything on board that I have subjected myself to for nothing.
I’m very grateful for this forum and all of the support I’ve received here.
nomorepanic
06-04-22, 16:58
Thanks Debs and good luck with the treatment.
I’m definitely going to take everything on board that I have subjected myself to for nothing.
I’m very grateful for this forum and all of the support I’ve received here.
IBD isn't "nothing" but it certainly isn't worse case scenario. I'm sure you will have learned a lot from this and it must be so good to have that fear lifted.
So pleased this is over for you and that it's a manageable condition.
this is great! glad all was well and you got your answer and its a very manageable one
Thank you everyone. I know ulcerative colitis could still be challenging but it’s very different to the scenario I had been imagining.
I'm truly glad to see the result of the tests and I had a gut feeling from the beginning this diagnosis would be the case. Rather than summon the 'Told Ya So' gang, I'll just advise you on what you already know. Next time you get pulled into the rabbit hole, remember this thread and take the pro-active stance of treating the root of the issue rather than torturing yourself Ok?
FMP
Colonoscopy itself was a breeze!
I quite enjoyed mine Deb. :yesyes:
Good to hear your news. Remember this in the future if you start circling around that rabbit hole! X
This has taught me a valuable lesson about my unhealthy anxiety behaviours.
I had utterly convinced myself that it was cancer. I should have listened as everyone kept telling me, there is more than one reason for rectal bleeding.
Dr Google is not a good resource for someone like me, I don’t know when to stop. I’m not going to google ulcerative colitis, I have my diagnosis and some medication which according to the consultant I should notice a difference after 8 weeks. I also have a follow up appointment to see how I’m getting on.
I cannot thank everyone on here enough for reading my posts and helping to support me.
Dr Google is not a good resource for someone like me, I don’t know when to stop. I’m not going to google ulcerative colitis, I have my diagnosis and some medication which according to the consultant I should notice a difference after 8 weeks.
The best advice you can give to yourself Deb.
This is reality. You have a diagnosis but it's a world away from the one you imagined for yourself. You also have a plan of action.
All the best..
Glad it's a quite manageable condition. Now time to work on keeping yourself out of the hell spiral! (Says me, who's also working on that)
Glad it's a quite manageable condition. Now time to work on keeping yourself out of the hell spiral! (Says me, who's also working on that)
It’s not easy is it!!
Happy for you it wasn't cancer. Bit annoyed with the told you so people that thought you had piles but nothing serious and there was no way you had cancer. First..they dont know.. bowel/colon cancer is easily misdiagnosed. Many young get it. You can have it for years. So insane to say that in 4 months or 6 months you would be very ill. no way! Then Colitis Ulcerosa is NOT nothing.. its not good.. and it increases your chance of cancer.. so please people if you have bowel issues, change in bowel moves , and especially blood it is a red flag.
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