View Full Version : recovery from anxiety is like a cut healing
i thought this analogy might help others on this forum - i thought of this this morning!
when you cut yourself badly - you know it will heal - you don;t doubt it because that is the messages we received as children etc and through biology. we doubt we can heal from anxiety however because it is not talked about openly in society and there is no yardstick to measure recovery by.
if you broke your leg you know it would take 6 weeks to heal and yet we doubt our nerves can heal in the same way.
if you cut yourself but kept picking at the cut - it would find it hard to heal - just like anxiety where we focus on it 24/7 - we are guilty of keeping the anxiety alive. when we start to recover however - we recover in layers - just like how new skin is laid down over a cut.
we all know the temptation of pulling a scab off too soon or picking at a spot! and this is how i like to think of relapses or set backs - you have started to heal and you are not as bad as you were in the beginning - unfortunately - like a broken leg or cut does not heal overnight - our nerves do not heal overnight.
Hi Joannap, Thanks for that one. I like that idea and what you say is perfectly true of course. I am sat here in a world of unreality and feel really spaced out this morning. Have you or anyone dealt with this before and if so, what do you advise? It is frightening me.
Thanks
BasilCat
Lilith1980
16-11-07, 11:15
I've had that a few times over the years, I think the best thing I did was to calmly tell myself that everything was ok, nothing bad was going to happen.
Just try and let it "wash over you". The more you fight it, the worse it will become. How about putting on some soothing music and laying back, try to relax?
ive also suffered unreality and feeling spaced out its realy not nice i no exactly how you feel and i also no how hard it is to explain to anyone how your feeling /yes it is very scary but trust me you will get threw it it just takes time your certainly arnt alone .tc elaine xx
Hi Lilith and Ladygrom, Thanks for your support. Much appreciated. I will have to calmly tell myself that everything is ok and that nothing bad is going to happen and I will have to relax with some nice music too as I can understand that the more I fight it, the worse it gets. Thanks Ladygrom for letting me know that I am not alone and that I will come through it.
Best Wishes
BasilCat
hi basilcat
i had what you are feeling really bad when i first started on citalopram 4 weeks ago. i could not really describe it to anyone but i know how you are feeling - like the world and yourself are not real. i remember feeling i was going to get lost in my thoughts and not come back or that i was going to disintegrate. how i got through it was that i tried to accept it as much as possible while keeping some sort of structure/routine to my day. i also kept telling myself that whilst i did not feel real - i WAS as real as the poeple around me. i still get flashes of it now but can let it go much more quickly. its just another symptom of fear so ride it out and you will start to have patches in your day where you feel much clearer within yourself. apparently its just the bodies defence mechanism when your anxiety has reached too high a level so its actually trying to protect you.
Hi Joannap. Thanks for your message. Do you mean that when you first started taking Citalopram, it made you feel unreal or that you were unreal before you took it? Yes maybe I should accept it more and get some routine into my day and tell myself that I know I am real, as are the people around me. Yes, it seems I am going to have to ride it out. Did you find that relaxation/exercise helped at all and how are you finding the Citalopram. Did you get any side effects with it? On the subject of riding it out, its not that easy when it comes to driving the car as needless to say, you need to feel "all there" when you are in control of a car. How did you manage when it came to driving? I am just driving locally. I have heard that it is just a defense mechansim trying to protect me. Amazing really.
Anyone else out there in the same boat? Also, Joannap. do you find that on the rare occasions that you get your mind totally off the unreality it goes? I have discovered this but its finding something that totally takes my mind off it.
Best Wishes
Basil
What a good analogy Jo, it all makes sense. I think it's the uncertainty of how long will this take to heal etc that feeds anxiety but it's the natural thing to do when you're worried and scared. A cold doesn't scare you because you know roughly how long you're going to be out of sorts.
Well done BasilCat on the trip out, that took guts! Treat yourself tonight.
I can't post when I'm at work but I can view, so I've been following this thread this morning. It's good stuff.
Talk to you laters.
A
Hi Tonkaboy, I agree with you entirely here. its the uncertainty of how long our nerves will take to heal that feeds the anxiety. As you say, its a natural thing to do when you are worried and scared all the time. Thats right, a cold doesnt scare you because you have an idea how long you will be off your feet with it.
Yes, it took guts to get in the car and go to Martin Mere. Just wish I had felt as "good" today but perhaps another day?!! At least I have been out a bit this afternoon if only locally, to the shops etc.
Speak soon.
Basilcat
Hi Joannap....That is a good analogy and I thank you for your wisdom.I believe 100% that we keep this anxiety going by focusing on it constantly.
I have made a few little sentences that have helped me a great deal.
My latest 1 is:keep the thinking right and the body will take care of itself.
I cant believe how much my body was tensed up by wrong thinking.So I know that I was actualy causing my own anxiety...Distraction distraction distraction,It really does pay off.I tell my self constantly to "get out of that head".Its been hard but I'm noticing huge differences in my anxiety.I still sometimes peek in at myself and analyes but slowly I am getting out of the habit. We learn lots of bad habits and in the same way we can learn good ones.
Well done for your analogy.
Hi Basilcat, i know how you feel, i have been suffering with unreality and depersonalization etc, for two years. I used to get it all day everyday and now it comes over me severely in waves but can last a while. It still scares the hell out of me. But i am still here.
Antidepressants that my gp gave me, started this and now it won't go away.
I also feel spaced out and not with it, like i am constantly drunk, dizzy etc, driving for me if also very hard. But i have to do it. Well, even just walking is hard to be honest, is it that bad for you too?
Have you been to Marten Mere Blackpool, is that where you mean?x
Hi Tamo, Thats right,we keep the anxiety going by constantly focussing on it dont we. I will have to remember that statement of yours, "Keep the thinking right and the body will take care of its self". Thats a good one and very true. My body has been so tensed up lately too through wrong thinking to the point where my balance has been all wrong as I have been tensing up and "bracing" myself so much. So I am going to have to change how I think. I believe that distraction is one of the keys too, just as you say. Trouble is I am home alone such a lot and its not easy finding something to distract me under those circumstances. Thats another good reminder too, to, "Get out of that head". I know just what you mean. Yes, we can learn good habits as well as bad ones so heres to learning the good ones.
Thanks for that Tamo.
Best Wishes
BasilCat
Basilcat, you posted at the same time as me, lol.x
Hello Joanna,
A good analogy! :winks: I always feel that if we can learn to understand our anxiety so understand how we create our symptoms, it's the basis to work from to then learn how to cope with it.
This post makes me honestly think you're getting there and Will do so in the future!:hugs:
Hi Angel Baby, So sorry to hear about your problems with unreality etc. Its not good is it. I feel that way now. Sorry to hear that yours was brought on by medication. That was such bad luck. Yes, spaced out and not with it, sums it up. I try not to be scared of it - some days its easier than others. Some days I am stronger than others. It was clearing for me back in April, May and June but then it came back again. The girls on here posted a few messages about it. Did you read what they said?
Does it make you tense all the time? Like Joannap said, I am trying to tell myself that npthing bad will happen and that I will be alright. Also I try and get some relaxation in during the day. If you got to www.anxietynomore.co.uk (http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk) it tells you about it there.
I dont find driving easy but I made myself drive the 10 miles to Martin Mere the other day. Thats near Southport where they film Autumn Watch with Bill Oddie and Kate Humble. I know the one you mention at Blackpool. Thats Marton Mere.
I was glad I got there and back safely I can tell you. My balance can sometimes be a bit hit and miss as I am so tense (bracing myself against how I am feeling) but I am going to have to relax more and realise that NOTHING bad will happen.
I know just how you feel Angel Baby and am unreal now so heres to ignoring it and doing some jobs in the house.
Take Care
BasilCat
PS. I find that if, on the rare occasion my mind is totally off the unreality etc, it vanishes so distraction is a good thing too. But for me its finding that certain something that will distract me enough to take my focus completely off myself as the unreality seems to make me want to monitor myself all the time.
hi basilcat
i had times where my anxiety was high before antidepressants and it made me feel a little spaced out - almost like i was walking beside myself at times if that makes sense! i also felt a bit like the world was closing in on me or squashing me but it was starting the antidepressants that brought on this feeling of unreality - nothing like i had ever experienced before and it really frightened me. relaxation helps. i deep breathe or try to do a relaxation cd at least once a day. the thing that helped me was to get up and walk the dogs, go into town to buy something for tea, have a little rest on the sofa and watch daytime tv, do a bit of work (luckily i work from home) and then my husband would be home. constant tension in your muscles produces more adrenalin so the more you can calm down in body - your mind will follow.
4 weeks later on citalopram i feel much better - i would say 60-70% improved. the racing mind is still there but def slowing down, the intrusive thoughts - i can almost laugh at them now and i can spend pretty much the day on my own without getting too down/upset. i know i have a long way to go and also need to unravel my thought patterns etc that contribute but i am glad i started medication.
Although i felt unreal - i did not feel dizzy so i was fine driving - it made me concentrate away from myself! i am only just starting to have periods of time where i haven;t focused on myself constantly and it comes as a shock to realise that your mind has been clear!
i don't know if you are on any medication but the citalopram made me feel TERRIBLE for the first 2 weeks - no sleep, terrible morbid thoughts, racing thoughts i felt i was going to loose myself in - i almost stopped taking it several times but who knows how bad i would have felt without it. Not trying to scare you - just letting you know that the a'd's usually make you feel much worse before you start to feel better!
Hi Joannap, Thanks for your post. I am really sorry to hear that you are another person who has been unlucky enough to have medication bring on the unreality. I have had it on and off since July last year now. Some days its worse than others, some days not as bad. I was getting over it 6 months ago, then it came back again. How did you manage to go into town feeling unreal and walk the dog etc etc? Its not easy. I generally go up to Aldi and back. Not far but just far enought to let me know I can still do it. How do you find walking around town in an unreal state? I have done it though not lately and its not pleasant is it. As you say, quite frightening. I think I will have to keep on using my relaxation MP3 (it includes a breathing exercise) and going for walks, even go into town again. As you say, if the body is relaxaxed the mind will follow too.
Glad to hear that you are feeling so much better now after 4 weeks on Citalopram. I darent take it. I was given a variety of medication last year and I felt so ill with it I couldnt cope. Not only that but I am virtually alone with two kids and no family near by to step in and help. Hubby works long hours and last October school holiday (2006) I was taking something and felt dreadful. With two kids to see to, it was the pits of hell. I dare not take anti-depressants now.
How far were you able to drive feeling unreal? I know what you mean about it making you focus out of your self. Thats another thing I will have to stop doing, focussing on it and tensing up as a result - as you say tension only produces more adrenalin and makes things worse.
I know that feeling when you get periods when you dont focus constantly on yourself. And its marvellous isnt it. I have suffered with anxiety 4 times now in 30 years and have been at that point that you mention. Its great I know. And it does come as a shock to suddenly realise that your mind has been clear - a good shock though isnt it?!! One of these days I will get there.
Thanks Joannap.
Take Care
BasilCat
Hi all, 12 noon on Sunday now and a Grey Sunday at that. I am almost in tears with the anxiety/unreality. I am going to have to STOP focussing on how I am feeling arent I and tensing myself up against "it" all the time. Is anyone else affected with these Grey days? It seems to make me worse. I have got to see that nothing awful will happen if I just get the focus off me and dont bother about how I am feeling and relax havent I? Surely to god this cant last forever?
BasilCat
I totally understand, i am there with you too!
I have been getting bits and pieces of an outfit together for weeks, building up to going to my cousins wedding reception, which was last night. I didn't really want to go, with losing my dad and father in law, but we said we would go.
It was bad, for me anyway, others seemed to enjoy themselves, but i can't do that anymore and just feel like i never will. From yesterday at about 5pm until i woke up this morning my pulse was 110! I hate this as it really scares me. My bp was ok though. I do try, i really do, but just wish i could be the person that i used to be. I had two bad bouts of unreality too and the flashes that i would just collapse and die at any moment. So scary.
I am sorry that you have suffered so long with this, i have only had this three years, but i am glad that you have managed to have periods of 'wellness'. I can't remember what being 'well' is.
I went in the loo last night at the doo and i could have just sat in a corner and sobbed, i felt so ill and 'not me' and just prayed that i would be myself again. It doesn't matter where i go or what i do, it is still there, i am always the same. I have tried three antidepressants and they all made me ill, i do not take anything, too sensitive to it. I wish i could take something that would help me, but too scared to even take a paracetamol now because of bad past experiences so i understand how you feel. The dizziness last night was terrible, flashing lights and loud music didn't help any either. I try distraction all the time, doesn't help either, but i have to keep trying.
I don't know where else to turn either. You are not alone, we are all here for you and we all understand how it feels and what you are going through. Even though we feel very, very alone!
PM me if you want to, i hope you are feeling a bit better now.x
Hi Angie, I have just sent you a PM.
BasilCat
hi basilcat and angie
did you give the a'd's time to work? you do tend to feel terrible for at least 2 weeks before they kick in. mind you - there are positives to not taking them too - you know you are doing it all on your own so you should be pleased that you are coping so well.
because i never felt dizzy - i was able to walk the dogs and drive locally - up to 12 miles away into town and to see my mum etc. for me it is more the feeling of "living in my head" that scares me. at one time a few weeks ago - my thoughts were so loud i could not get a minutes peace from them. i know its hard to accept anxiety but look at this way - what other choice do we have? we know fighting doesn't work or running away from it - we have to go willingly into it and wait until our nerves calm down. i still have problems with this but it is the only way through it. i think its because we cannot accept there is not an overnight cure that we all find it so hard.
even now i will wake up in the morning and check to see if "it" is there but we are setting ourselves up for disapointment doing this. at other times i get flashes of knowing that anxiety is nothing - all a big bluff - and that i could step out of it sooner if i just let it be there and not let it get to me so much!
I was on the Seroxat, first antidepressant, for months. I went to the gp and told them i felt 'funny' and they increased the dose. I went back again, same problem, increased the dose. I went back yet again, increased dose. By this time i thought i was dying and couldn't even see properly, they said to wean myself off them, which i did. But it still left me with the same symptoms. I asked to be sent to a psychiatrist, i was that scared. They referred me and when i went to see him he was gobbed smacked that noone had done anything to help me sooner and couldn't believe what a state i was in! He gave me some more antidepressants, can't remember the name but they we awful. I had one tablet (60MG!!!!), OMG was i ill. I couldn't eat or drink for over 24 hours, heart rate was 120 constantly and i had a whacking headache all the time. I lost 3lb in a day, i didn't have anymore of those. I went back and he apologised that he gave me such a large dose to start off with. He then gave me citalopram, 5mg, which i took for two weeks then i started having nose bleeds, a massive phobia of mine, so i stopped them too.
So there you go, not good and too scared now to take anything at all! I told the psychiatrist to discharge me because i didn't want to take up his time when he could be seeing someone else who really needed his help as i obviously couldn't take medication. Then i asked to be referred to a counsellor, who i am still seeing for CBT, but not helping at all really, but i have had a lot of setbacks in the last 4 months anyway. But since i have had so many problems and i am still suffering so badly, my counsellor has rung the psychiatrist to get me a formal diagnosis and also the head of the psychology team for their input and to be put on their waiting list.
I see no way out really. I get so very low and upset that i consider horrible things, i really do. Scares me just to put that down actually, i see no life in front of me at the moment. Nothing helps and i never feel any better.
If there was something i could take with a guarentee, i know there isn't, then i may give it a go, but everything just makes me ill so it really isn't worth it. I could not face feeling any worse than i already do, believe me.x:wacko:
Hi Angie, They gave me Seroxat too and I felt really bad on them. Its bad that you had such a rough time with them and still are, even though you came off them. They gave me Citalopram too but I was too scared to take them , still am. I was thinking of CBT but am not sure. I am also waiting for counselling. Have been on the list about a month now. I am really sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time of it. I could be better. Was at Slimming World this morning and was almost in tears but managed to stay till the end. Its mainly the unreality for me thats a problem and me tensing up with it and making things worse. I am going to have to STOP tensing up for sure. It must be so awful for you when you say that nothing helps and that you never feel any better. I too have had moments when I have wondered if it would be for the best if I was no longer here. Then I remember the kids. And in all honesty I would not have the nerve to do anything drastic. But I know just how you are feeling and I dont want to feel any worse either. What keeps me going is the idea that tomorrow might be the day that I get up and all this is behind me. I thought my life was over when I was 19 with anxiety. But right out of the Blue, for no apparent reason, no answer or explanation the anxiety disappeared over night!! So it can happen. It did happen. This is what keeps me going.
You are in my thoughts and you are not alone.
Basilcat
Hi Joannap, A week on the anti ds was long enough for me when I have got two kids to look after and no help. You are right, there is no over night cure and it is so difficult. It can take weeks, months or years cant it. When I came through it over night (without reason when I was 19) I had been troubled with it for a year or so. You are right, fighting doesnt work so what choice do we have but to accept it. My thoughts can be loud too and I am going to have to accept them and the unreality etc without tensing up, arent I?
I know, I wake up in a morning and check if it is still there or not. Yes its setting ourselves up for disappiontment isnt it.
Thats the thing isnt it, just letting the anxiety be there and not letting it get to us so much as its nothing, all a big bluff (read that in a Claire Weekes book) and we could all step out of it sooner if we did this.
Anyone any ideas on how we can stop checking ourselves for symptoms and being afraid of how we feel?
BasilCat
Hi Joannap and all, I have now been given Cipralex by the Doctor! Anyone tried these? I dare not take them because of the side effects!! They are only a small 5mg tablet but even so, I dare not try them. However, I have got an appointment with a Psychologist next month and also I am hopefully going to see a Mental Health Nurse soon. If nothing else I have just been to Tescos for half an hour and I feel so tired so hopefully the Iron tablets that I have got will help with that, I have got low iron levels according to the doctor I saw this morning.
I am still feeling unreal but I have to keep accepting havent I? I have no choice really as, like Joannap said the other day, its not good running from how we feel is it. Perhaps the unreality is made worse by my being tense and my tiredness. I looked for an exercise DVD in Tescos but couldnt find any.
Best Wishes
BasilCat
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