Cuphead
14-10-21, 11:35
Hi everyone,
it is tough to explain what I am going through but I will give my best hoping that someone can help me...it will be a long message...
Lately, I have been very bothered by severe anxiety and some kind of intense panic fear, which is more or less constantly present and it has now become a kind of obsession without any reason. I had similar episodes of anxiety before, I had panic attacks, sometimes out of the blue when I wasn't stressed at all (unfortunately I am prone to anxious behavior since childhood) but it was not a big problem and it didn't bother me a lot because the episodes were sporadic. They would happen, it would be uncomfortable, and I would just think on something else and then everything would pass eventually and I would move on with my life.
However, sometime in August, I had a panic attack after a stressful situation, and from that moment on, even though the attack passed like any other, my mind got "fixated" on that situation and now I pretty much constantly feel some kind of panic in the sense that something terrible will happen, that I will die any second, etc......it seems like my mind is stuck in the fight-or-flight mode.
In addition to that, I am also hyper-aware of my existence and I have somehow started to be afraid of my own consciousness and being alive in the first place. It's bizarre, especially since I am not suicidal and I like living, I would want to live forever if I could. But this feeling gives me terrible anxiety. It's like my mind is scared of reality when I become aware of it and it wants to "run away" from the body and shut itself down. But since that is not possible, anxiety builds up and I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack. It's a horrible feeling, I know one shouldn't be "overwhelmed" by simply existing. And I think this hyper-awareness is now causing this panic anxiety. This same feeling would precede previous panic attacks as well.
This has all happened to me before, these same things (as I said, including hyper-awareness of my consciousness and surroundings) but the episodes would be short and less intense. But now these feelings are constant, my mind is stuck on autoloop and these thoughts are being repeated over and over so I am constantly stressed out even when I manage to relax. I just can't get it out of my head no matter what I do. And I always have a feeling that the mind wants to run away whenever I get so hyper-aware of my existence and my surroundings.
Worst of all, I am aware that this is all a product of my mind. I know these fears are irrational and I am aware that there is no danger for me, but no matter how much I try to tell myself that it's just anxiety and that it will pass, anxiety and panic are still winning and it frustrates me a lot. On rare occasions, I do manage to switch focus to something else which is quite a relief when it happens (even though it's very briefly), but then these feelings come back stronger than they were and I have the impression that they are present in the background even when I manage to calm down (briefly that is). I would feel good temporarily and then suddenly I would become aware of my consciousness again, I would get the desire to "switch it off" when anxiety starts rising and everything would start from the beginning (I would be afraid of dying, losing my mind, etc ....which brings me to the edge of a panic attack).
Is there any hope for me or will I be stuck in this loop forever? Is my mind broken? I haven't tried any medications, I have only tried to distract myself and think positively, which sometimes does help, but it's not strong enough to stop these things from happening in the long run. No psychological coping mechanism that I have tried can contain this type of anxiety when I start focusing on my consciousness and when I start feeling this panic fear. Am I suffering from an anxiety disorder and is there hope for a recovery?
Any advice is very grateful. Thanks in advance.
it is tough to explain what I am going through but I will give my best hoping that someone can help me...it will be a long message...
Lately, I have been very bothered by severe anxiety and some kind of intense panic fear, which is more or less constantly present and it has now become a kind of obsession without any reason. I had similar episodes of anxiety before, I had panic attacks, sometimes out of the blue when I wasn't stressed at all (unfortunately I am prone to anxious behavior since childhood) but it was not a big problem and it didn't bother me a lot because the episodes were sporadic. They would happen, it would be uncomfortable, and I would just think on something else and then everything would pass eventually and I would move on with my life.
However, sometime in August, I had a panic attack after a stressful situation, and from that moment on, even though the attack passed like any other, my mind got "fixated" on that situation and now I pretty much constantly feel some kind of panic in the sense that something terrible will happen, that I will die any second, etc......it seems like my mind is stuck in the fight-or-flight mode.
In addition to that, I am also hyper-aware of my existence and I have somehow started to be afraid of my own consciousness and being alive in the first place. It's bizarre, especially since I am not suicidal and I like living, I would want to live forever if I could. But this feeling gives me terrible anxiety. It's like my mind is scared of reality when I become aware of it and it wants to "run away" from the body and shut itself down. But since that is not possible, anxiety builds up and I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack. It's a horrible feeling, I know one shouldn't be "overwhelmed" by simply existing. And I think this hyper-awareness is now causing this panic anxiety. This same feeling would precede previous panic attacks as well.
This has all happened to me before, these same things (as I said, including hyper-awareness of my consciousness and surroundings) but the episodes would be short and less intense. But now these feelings are constant, my mind is stuck on autoloop and these thoughts are being repeated over and over so I am constantly stressed out even when I manage to relax. I just can't get it out of my head no matter what I do. And I always have a feeling that the mind wants to run away whenever I get so hyper-aware of my existence and my surroundings.
Worst of all, I am aware that this is all a product of my mind. I know these fears are irrational and I am aware that there is no danger for me, but no matter how much I try to tell myself that it's just anxiety and that it will pass, anxiety and panic are still winning and it frustrates me a lot. On rare occasions, I do manage to switch focus to something else which is quite a relief when it happens (even though it's very briefly), but then these feelings come back stronger than they were and I have the impression that they are present in the background even when I manage to calm down (briefly that is). I would feel good temporarily and then suddenly I would become aware of my consciousness again, I would get the desire to "switch it off" when anxiety starts rising and everything would start from the beginning (I would be afraid of dying, losing my mind, etc ....which brings me to the edge of a panic attack).
Is there any hope for me or will I be stuck in this loop forever? Is my mind broken? I haven't tried any medications, I have only tried to distract myself and think positively, which sometimes does help, but it's not strong enough to stop these things from happening in the long run. No psychological coping mechanism that I have tried can contain this type of anxiety when I start focusing on my consciousness and when I start feeling this panic fear. Am I suffering from an anxiety disorder and is there hope for a recovery?
Any advice is very grateful. Thanks in advance.