BodyOnBackwards
21-10-21, 13:47
Hi, all. I'm a 28 year old male. I live with a rare, severe disability as well as a couple of chronic health conditions that went undiagnosed and untreated for years. Not feeling safe in my body has done a number on my mental health. OCD and health anxiety are a troublesome combination. Sore throat? Must be Covid. (Was actually allergies.) Mild chest pain? Must be cardiac. (Turned out to be bad posture.) Most recently, I started experiencing skipped heartbeats and a sense of momentary sickness a thousand times a day. After a battery of tests, I’m told the ectopic beats are probably harmless and are being caused by chronic dehydration, malnutrition, lack of sleep, and waves of excess adrenaline and cortisol as a result.
I’m joining this forum because my stress levels are legitimately ruining my life. I can’t focus. I’m weeks behind in everything that matters. I drain my friends and family with my constant blathering. “What do you think? Are you sure? How do you know? What if…?” It’s exhausting. My body almost literally doesn’t know how to relax. My last thought before I fall asleep most nights is fear; and fear is always the first thing I feel when I wake up in the morning. Fear for what’s next and gratitude for waking up at all. This has been going on for close to ten years.
My mindfulness practice and attending to my basic needs usually takes the edge off, but feeling my heart stop like that saw me nosediving again. It’s been happening for a month. I’m sick of it. The good news is that the fear is giving way to anger. Hearing that the heart is structurally fine was a huge relief. I should be all right in the short term. But in the longer term, I’m done with being scared of death. I have things to do that have nothing to do with this kind of misery.
Thank you for being a resource. Time for me to go perform some self-care.
I’m joining this forum because my stress levels are legitimately ruining my life. I can’t focus. I’m weeks behind in everything that matters. I drain my friends and family with my constant blathering. “What do you think? Are you sure? How do you know? What if…?” It’s exhausting. My body almost literally doesn’t know how to relax. My last thought before I fall asleep most nights is fear; and fear is always the first thing I feel when I wake up in the morning. Fear for what’s next and gratitude for waking up at all. This has been going on for close to ten years.
My mindfulness practice and attending to my basic needs usually takes the edge off, but feeling my heart stop like that saw me nosediving again. It’s been happening for a month. I’m sick of it. The good news is that the fear is giving way to anger. Hearing that the heart is structurally fine was a huge relief. I should be all right in the short term. But in the longer term, I’m done with being scared of death. I have things to do that have nothing to do with this kind of misery.
Thank you for being a resource. Time for me to go perform some self-care.