Please help me!?

[firstade]

I have recently realised that I have made a huge mistake in pushing my wife away from me, and am now realising that I may have been suffering a nervous breakdown, but I don't want to say this to my wife yet until I can be sure of this.

Last October I had two business' fail on me leaving me with over £40,000 of personal debt which I found hard at the time, my wife then got a fantastic opportunity for a job 300 miles away from where I live.

Ever since the business' if not before went bang on me I feel I have been a massive self detructive path.

I have pushed my wife away she tried to stand by me. I was scared to move the 300 miles to be with my wife and now realise that i was wrong not to do that. During the past 11 months I have lived on my own working full time and looking after my two children full time.

Whilst I was battling with the finances there were a couple of occasions where it became too much and I was seriously contemplating overdosing on Ibroprofen - I was also suffering with a serious tooth ache (decay) which I have only today been able to start sorting out.

I have said very nasty things to my wife, even though I did not really mean it deep down, i still said it. Many times i just wanted to tell her that i loved her but i did not!

Is this a common way of behaving when under pressure, is it something I can expalin to wife? if so how do i go about talking about it?

[angiebaby]

Hello and welcome.
Have you been to your gp for some help. Maybe that is worth a try first, then at least your wife will know that you are taking steps in the right direction. I think you have done great by having your job and looking after your children, especially under such pressure, and alone. Just suffering like we do is exhausting enough without doing anything else, so you have done well to do what you have done.
A lot will find that they push away the ones we love, this is very common. We tend to withdraw into ourselves too. I would take a trip to your gp and see what they say, let us know how you go on.x

[DebsH]

HI.

I have to say I have been so horrible to my hubby I don't know why he's stayed with me. I've cancelled 2 holidays because my fear of travelling has been so extreme, the first one I made him cancel when he'd gone to a lot of trouble to make it special for my birthday. It is hard to share how you feel with someone especially if you feel they won't or can't understand what you're going through but you have to. I struggle to tell him things but I've found if I'm open and honest and tell him straight away instead of picking silly fights it makes me feel better and lessens the severity of rowing.

You are doing so well, so much better than I would do in your position. And you've got 2 children who will help to keep you going.

Deb :)

[groovygranny]

Hello firstade,:hugs: for you.


When I first found out from my GP about my anxiety and depression 2 yrs ago , I had actually gone to see him for something completely different - I didn't know how under pressure and stressed I was. And how it was putting a strain on my realtionship with my luvly hubby (we've been married for over 30 yrs). Funny, but I too was being dragged down by horrid dental problems at the same time!


I am so glad that I decided to tell him exactly how I was feeling and how frightened I was for the future. It was the best thing I could have done, because I have had nothing but loving support from him - even though I know that he has been under immense strain himself because of this. But, when the going gets tough or even tougher, we tell each other and talk through it. No, it isn't always easy but communication channels must be kept open at all times.


I would strongly advise you to try and talk to your wife, who sounds as though she would be very supportive, and tell her how you feel - no holds barred.


You have done exceptionally well under the circumstances, but you cannot go on like this. We're all here for you but you must talk to your wife - and go see your GP if you haven't already.


Take care:hugs:


PS: take a look at this link sometime - it helped me very much!

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=Lifeislikeajar (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=Lifeislikeajar)

:)

[ksmith]

It sounds like you've turned a corner as you've started to analyse your actions and the consequences. I think we all turn on those closest to us in our darkest hours; can you explain to your wife and is she likely to forgive you?

I can't imagine having that much debt but you have obviously decided to 'live' by not taking the overdose and now decisions about the future have to made. Part of this illness can sometimes be the inability to take decisions but nevertheless you have to, there is no choice.

You've done really well coping with the kids and a full time job. Most people would fold beneath the pressure so pat yourself on the back for that!

Good luck
Kay x

[dinkydoo]

Yes I agree you deserve a huge amount of credit for keeping it all together, maybe you could suggest a family weekend together and start talking then, or if words fail you, a hug may do the trick.

Good luck and stay strong.