HI

[DebsH]

I'm new to this site so apologies if I'm not doing this correctly.

I'm not sure what I suffer from really. I get anxious about lots of things which tend to be situational mainly. At the moment I am suffering from a sense of panic and anxiety. My husband has gone on holiday on his own (with my blessing kinda!) but I am dreading the next week until he comes home. I didn't sleep the night he left, well I did but was woken up with my heart racing. I have a fear of my heart missing beats and racing so this was very scary. Didn't sleep much last night, woken again by my heart racing so called in sick at work today. Feel like I'm going to freak out or have a heart attack. I just want him to come home so much. I'm not sure what to do.

I've suffered from anxiety and panic since my teens and only now (in my 40s) am I on a waiting list to see a psychologist. Maybe I'm putting too much faith in this but I'm hoping it will help me. I've gone through long periods (years) of mainly being okay and even lived on my own for a number of years after my first marriage broke up. I won't take tablets as I'm worried about what effect they'll have on my heart beats.

Anyone else suffer from anything like this and what have you found that helped?

[sufos]

Hi welcome to the site,

I suffer the same as you, and constantly have bad nights where my heart is racing and i worry that something is wrong. I do take medication now and it really helps. Also since finding this site and seeing how other people go thru same things as me really helps. I have started reading a magazine or doing puzzles at night to relax me in bed and that helps me go to sleep.

But the hardest thing is getting your head round the fact that all the symptons come from the anxiety not actually a problem with your heart.

Read the other threads on the site, they really do help

sufos

[groovygranny]

Hi Debs,

I think distraction is the way to go here, to keep your mind occupied and away from the anxious thoughts which are causing your thumping, racing heart which then causes you to be anxious and then panic etc etc. You need to break the circle of anxiety-panic-fear-anxiety-panic-fear.....

I've never liked taking any kind of medication but I must admit that when my GP suggested I try Citalopram I was willing to give it a go.

Yes, there were side effects at first (some very difficult), but I'm so glad I persevered with them. Coupled with counselling they really helped me over the worst - and I only had to stay on them for 6mnths.

Hope this has been of some help to you.

bug hugs :hugs: :hugs:

:flowers:

[DebsH]

Thank you both.

I agree that distraction does certainly help. I find that I've gone 10 minutes without thinking about being anxious but then I feel anxious again.

My hubby has just rung and said he won't be going away on his own again cos he's missing me so much which in a perverse way has made me feel better.

Just hoping I get a good nights sleep as I know that will make me feel less anxious.

Thanks again. It's nice to know there are people out there who understand.

[AmandaG]

Hi Debs,
I agree with Sufos, puzzle books are a really good way to distract your mind and give your body's calming response a chance to kick in.
Your racing heart sounds exactly like the anxiety/panic a lot of us around here know all too well!
Light exercise can do wonders as well.....I tend to think your heart regulates itself and slows down a lot sooner if you use exercise to break the cycle of anxiety. Or maybe it just feels 'right' for your heart to be beating faster when you exercise, so you relax about it. A brisk walk is as tough as it needs to get!
Don't be too upset if you haven't slept too well, there's plenty more nights to catch up on it (like the weekend!) and you know in yourself you'll feel fine again when your hsuband gets back
Take care
Amanda

[mirry]

DEBS , you are certainly not alone with these feelings and thoughts ,
you will get so much support on here and we are all here for each other so you are not alone :hugs: .

Lately I have been going on "YOU tube " to distract myself basically keeping my mind busy.

Hope you feel better soon :flowers:

[Bill]

Hi Debs,

I think that like a lot of people who suffer from anxiety, you suffer from a general feeling of insecurity which becomes more emphasised when you're alone because your husband helps to make you feel more secure. However, you say I've gone through long periods (years) of mainly being okay and even lived on my own for a number of years after my first marriage broke up. which rather contradicts general insecurity as you obviously coped alone during that time. I'm wondering if it's because you've become so attached and so used to your husband being with you that to not have him around all of a sudden has brought this on and made you feel worse. :shrug:

I think a psychologist would be able to identify what's happened and help you.

In the meantime, it's as the others have suggested about keeping your mind off your worries. If you have any friends or relatives, you could spend time with them as they would b a good distraction as well as support.:hugs:

[DebsH]

Thanks Bill for your post.

It's great to know that there are people here who understand how I feel cos it's so difficult to explain to people who've never felt like this.

Did get a bit of sleep last night but it was light and not very refreshing, waking up 4 times with my heart racing. Distraction does help I agree. But if I let my guard down for even a second the panic starts rising again.

When I was on my own I guess I was, or at least felt, in complete control and didn't have anyone to rely on so I had to crack on with things. I was in a position where I didn't have to test myself too much as I could control things. I have got to rely on my husband more than I realised until now. Even sleeping at my parents last night I didn't sleep well. It worries me for both myself and my hubby that I'm relying on him now too much. I don't want to start restricting his life as well as my own. After about 4 years of asking to go on the health services waiting list to see a psychologist I have at last been referred by my GP. This was only after breaking down completely and near enough begging. All I've ever been offered is tablets. The doctor before last, I took my hubby with me so he could see what it was like and could help me push for what I wanted. My husband told him that he thought I might be suffering from agorophobia but the doctor told me my serotonin was low and these tablets he prescribed would, as he put it, 'change my life'. How can it be that a tablet can change your life if it's taken you years to get in the position that you are, if you understand what I mean? And how could he know without doing any tests or asking only a few questions? It's a mystery. ANyway, sent my form off for the waiting list now and only have a minimum of 32 weeks to wait to see someone. What are waiting lists like in other peoples areas? Also on this island there only seems to be one psychologist. I paid £160 an hour for her not to listen to me at all and just talk about herself. I told her something about an incident to do with my husband but when she said it back to me it was about me. She'd obviously not been listening. Also when I said something about my husband and someone he worked with she told me he was definetely having an affair!! She was very unprofessional. But she is all there is privately.

Sorry to go on. Getting it all out helps. I've started to write a log as well which has been useful. If nothing else it's a distraction!!

Have a wonderful weekend. :D

[Joe1981]

Hi Debs,

Welcome to the site! A lot of great people here and the search button to great.. Don't be afraid to ask any form of question on your mind..

Take care

[Bill]

Hello Debs,

Your psychologist wasn't just unprofessional, I'd say they were bordering on misconduct. I wonder how many others they've treated the same. When you see the next psychologist I'd tell them what this psychologist said to you so that they're at least aware of what's going on.

When I saw a psychologist, he asked me questions and got me to talk about my life so he could explain what was causing all my problems. He then showed me my options to let me decide what I felt was best for me. He never told me what he thought I should do because just like a counsellor they're their to guide and to help you sort your thoughts and options for yourself.

It's rather odd what your doctor said about the pills because no pill will cure your problems. They might ease them, but not cure them.

Anyway, at least all that is in the past and you should be back on track once you start seeing the new psychologist.

It's strange how when we're alone and Have to cope, we Do as you've proved. When we live closely for someone for so long, it's easy to become reliant on the partner so much so that when after a long period of closeness you find yourself alone for a short while, you feel you can't cope.

From experience, the temptation is to help someone who finds things hard to do for themselves by actually doing those things for them so they don't retain their own confidence in their own abilities. Also, because they feel ill, the partner could start worrying about them so feel the need to stay close at all times which again doesn't allow the sufferer to learn to cope for themselves. It's a natural thing to want to do.

You see, it's not just you who needs to allow your partner freedom, it's also your partner needs to give you more space, Gradually!, to help you regain your confidence in yourself. It's a hard thing to do but I feel neither of you can expect the other to be close at all times otherwise you'll either be restricting his life or feeling ll every time he's not around. In time you'll get more used to coping alone as you did when you lived alone before. You're actually quite capable but have fallen into an accidental trap without realising.

I'd like to emphasise that what I've said is Just my opinion as a fellow sufferer. You and the new psychologist may not agree.:shrug:

Take care Debs. :hugs:

[judipat]

Hi Debs
I would just like to say welcome to the site and I hope you get some good advise and tips etc.
Dont look too deeply for reasons for your illness, i think its a trap that a lot of us fall into. I for one did 20 years ago when i had a major breakdown. I wanted there to be a specific reason for the way i felt and i searched and searched for it. What I came up with, i know now, was'nt the reason at all. In fact, I dont think there was one specific reason, it was a combination of things. physical and mental exhaustion being just one of them.
Anxiety/panic is a natural response our bodys use when we sense danger. It becomes a problem, when we start to fear to symptons of this response i.e. racing heart etc. That starts off a cicle of "fear, panic, fear".Its hard to except i know, because when you feel so ill, you want there to be a physical reason because this is easier to understand.
I hope this helps - there may or may not be specific reasons for the way you feel. Try and accept and understand the way you are, then you can start dealing with it.
Acceptance is definately the key to recovery.

Judi xx

[DebsH]

Thanks to you all, especially Billand Judi, for your support and advice.

I have to say it's helped me through this weekend and just knowing that there are people out there who feel like I do makes me feel so much better. I can relate to so many of you. When you've felt like a bit of a freak for so long it's a bit like coming home.

Thank you all again.