Coping with mum's anxiety

[Roman283]

Hi everyone, I'm posting because I feel at the end of my tether and don't really know how to cope.

My mum's been physically unwell for a few months - she's had a horrible time but it's nothing life threatening. Her physical symptoms seem to be improving but it's left her with insomnia and now anxiety/panic.

She's been seen at her doctors, out of hours and the mental health team who have said it's anxiety, lack of sleep - it's not a breakdown like she thinks. She has convinced herself she's having a major breakdown and is seriously unwell. She's been given a new medication today which I am hoping helps, or at least helps her sleep. Shes also had sleeping tablets which didn't work and a small dose of valium which helps a little bit with anxiety during the day but that's obviously not a long term solution.

I've been trying to look after her but I have me/cfs and am utterly exhausted. The physical problems she had saw us back and forth to doctors/hospital/out of hours along with many sleepless nights, which took all my energy which is low anyway but this level of anxiety is so hard to deal with, I'm waiting on the next "disaster" - she is so tuned in to her health now that any little thing signals to her that she needs immediate medical help, she catastrophises majorly.
I can't relax, I'm on edge constantly and dread waking up to another day of the same.

I don't mean to sound judgemental or harsh on her, I know the symptoms to her are very real. I'm trying my best, but I can feel myself getting so overwhelmed. Any advice would be so gratefully received. Thank you x

[Heather1234]

Oh I'm sorry you & your mom are going through this. I don't really have anything to offer in the way of suggestion, except that its ok if you need some time off. Is there another relative that can help out or maybe just cover a day for you? Sounds like her drs are aware of the situation & I hope they get her some affective meds. Sounds like she's really going through it. [emoji17] And I know the strain it must put on you as well. [emoji1317][emoji177]


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[pulisa]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with your Mum's anxiety as well as your own issues. It's incredibly draining mentally and there is little realisation from mental health services that it affects all the family not just the sufferer. Sometimes it's worse for the carer who has to "take" everything and carry on regardless with no support.

Are you her sole carer or is there anyone else who could give you some respite? Do you have a consultant for your ME who could help get you more support? Has your mum been offered any therapy for her health anxiety? I know waiting lists are ridiculous on the NHS but as she is under the community MH services the wait may be better?

[Catkins]

Just had a thought, is there any local group that offers support for carers? We have one locally and there might be one in your area.

[Roman283]

Oh I'm sorry you & your mom are going through this. I don't really have anything to offer in the way of suggestion, except that its ok if you need some time off. Is there another relative that can help out or maybe just cover a day for you? Sounds like her drs are aware of the situation & I hope they get her some affective meds. Sounds like she's really going through it. [emoji17] And I know the strain it must put on you as well. [emoji1317][emoji177]


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Thank you so much for your reply. There aren't any other relatives unfortunately - she has a brother but he's not interested and when I did ask if he could come down he told me I had to take full responsibility for her (which I already was) as this is upsetting for him! I knew I shouldn't have bothered asking in the first place.

She's just started a new medication - so I'm really hoping it helps, especially with sleep. I think I so need a bit of time to myself though.

[Roman283]

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with your Mum's anxiety as well as your own issues. It's incredibly draining mentally and there is little realisation from mental health services that it affects all the family not just the sufferer. Sometimes it's worse for the carer who has to "take" everything and carry on regardless with no support.

Are you her sole carer or is there anyone else who could give you some respite? Do you have a consultant for your ME who could help get you more support? Has your mum been offered any therapy for her health anxiety? I know waiting lists are ridiculous on the NHS but as she is under the community MH services the wait may be better?

Thank you for your reply 💕 yes you're right, it feels as though I'm expected to be absolutely fine and just crack on!
It's just the two of us unfortunately, she's been given a new medication so I hope that helps and she's in touch with penumbra, so things are falling in to place, I just feel like I'm on my own in helping in the meantime and I don't feel equipped for it.

I hadn't even thought about contacting my own doctor about things, I might do that, it's definitely taking it's toll on my ME, I can feel myself going in to a crash.

Thanks again for replying, makes me feel less alone 🙂

[Roman283]

Good idea, I'll look in to this x

[pulisa]

Definitely contact your own doctor because a professional's input will be very helpful in terms of getting more support for you in terms of respite.

Have you heard of Crossroads Care? It's a registered charity for carers and they may be able to offer you something in the way of time to yourself?

[Roman283]

Definitely contact your own doctor because a professional's input will be very helpful in terms of getting more support for you in terms of respite.

Have you heard of Crossroads Care? It's a registered charity for carers and they may be able to offer you something in the way of time to yourself?

I will do, I think that's a good idea.

No, I haven't heard of them - I'll Google them now 🙂