Sick of myself..worried sick. Waiting for FULL BW

[cluelessworry]

I'm a 32 y/o female...I've had health anxiety since I was 11 years old. This curse has consumed th3 better part of my life.

I haven't had blood work done in about 3 years...I work at a Dr office and today my fears of having hiv have finally taken over and I had some blood work done.

When I tell you I can't think About ANYTHING but that I'm not lying. I'm CONSUMED.
I was already told I had fatty liver...I stopped drinking but started heavily drinking again due to constant stress and anxiety.

But that's the least of my concerns...on the beginning of maybe March 2020 I had unprotected intercourse on 3 different occasions with a guy I've not known too long...

It's going to be about 2 years now and a ear piercing infection I got last week that cause a lymph node to swell up took my health anxiety from 0 to 1000 real quick.

I've been loosing sleep over this...cannot enjoy Anything....I am consumed....this wait is going to get the best of me if It hasn't already...

I need some advice...as I don't have any close friends nor family I can rely on..much less the father of my children...I am the worst scum peice of shit on the planet 😭😭

[Jamie123]

Hi Clueless, try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it is easier said from someone external but from what I've read even talking negatively about yourself can trick your mind into believing you are that horrible person.

With regards to your bloodwork and HIV worry, from situation you put I believe your chances of getting HIV are extremely low as many people with this disease take medication which I believe makes it almost impossible to transmit to someone else and even if they weren't the risk of the person having HIV and the risk of transmission from intercourse is actually quite low. To add to this I also used to have a massive HIV fear but reading up on how treatment for this has progressed eased my mind a lot. It is not at all the disease it was in the past with medication now not only allowing people to manage the disease but also decreasing the amount of it in their blood so it is extremely low so these people live almost normal lives.

[cluelessworry]

Hi Clueless, try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it is easier said from someone external but from what I've read even talking negatively about yourself can trick your mind into believing you are that horrible person.

With regards to your bloodwork and HIV worry, from situation you put I believe your chances of getting HIV are extremely low as many people with this disease take medication which I believe makes it almost impossible to transmit to someone else and even if they weren't the risk of the person having HIV and the risk of transmission from intercourse is actually quite low. To add to this I also used to have a massive HIV fear but reading up on how treatment for this has progressed eased my mind a lot. It is not at all the disease it was in the past with medication now not only allowing people to manage the disease but also decreasing the amount of it in their blood so it is extremely low so these people live almost normal lives.

Jamie123

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR VIEWING AND REPLYING, I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT.
I AM GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH...THIS IS TRULLY HELL...ITS CONSUMING AND TAKES UP 90% OF MY DAY....IM JUST WAITING FOR THE RESULTS...IT FEELS LIKE A DEATH SENTENCE