vekiqf
20-11-21, 17:57
Hi all,
I amd diagnosed with pure O since 2012 but I have it since 2002 when I first developed POCD, after that it changed subjects from POCT to HOCD and at the end to fear of SCHIZ which was strongest and lasted for 3.5 years...so since 2016 I was fine with some small ups and downs ( I wrote this here) but I managed to overcome it very fast....now after 2016 OCD is back and I am feeling quite desperate....it started month ago with harm intrusive thoughts that I will hurt my kids after I watched documentary about russian serial killers...when I was in the kitchen cooking( I do it a lot) intrsive thoughts started to popup like I will lose control take knife and stab my kids which was awful and I was scared as s**t that I will do it that I almost started to cry..after that i started to repreat to myself that these are intrusive thoughts this is stupid your brain is playing tricks and tried not to react on them and after few days It stopped...I felt normal again but not for long time...few days ago I watched Omen on TV ( i know this movie I watched it several times and honestly I liked it ) and thought poped on my mind...what if my daughter is like Demian and I was scared am I loosing my mind with this thought and also said to myself pls god just not to catch to this thought and move this thought to intrusive OCD thought and then party started. I cant get rid of this thought and I feel desperate as I know this is rubbish but I am scared that at the end I will loose control and start to beleive in it because why this is comming back and why thoughts connected to this are creating in my mind..thoughts are so bizzare and stupid that in normal condition I woul d laugh but now they are scaring me because they are popping up and I cant get rid of them ( for example there was thought that my dog is hellhound and I have a f*****g pug). I am feeling so desparate and anxious as when I see my daughter who is love of my life and who I love so much i say to myseld why I am thinking this ...will I loose control and start to beleive into this ....this is disaster...
I amd diagnosed with pure O since 2012 but I have it since 2002 when I first developed POCD, after that it changed subjects from POCT to HOCD and at the end to fear of SCHIZ which was strongest and lasted for 3.5 years...so since 2016 I was fine with some small ups and downs ( I wrote this here) but I managed to overcome it very fast....now after 2016 OCD is back and I am feeling quite desperate....it started month ago with harm intrusive thoughts that I will hurt my kids after I watched documentary about russian serial killers...when I was in the kitchen cooking( I do it a lot) intrsive thoughts started to popup like I will lose control take knife and stab my kids which was awful and I was scared as s**t that I will do it that I almost started to cry..after that i started to repreat to myself that these are intrusive thoughts this is stupid your brain is playing tricks and tried not to react on them and after few days It stopped...I felt normal again but not for long time...few days ago I watched Omen on TV ( i know this movie I watched it several times and honestly I liked it ) and thought poped on my mind...what if my daughter is like Demian and I was scared am I loosing my mind with this thought and also said to myself pls god just not to catch to this thought and move this thought to intrusive OCD thought and then party started. I cant get rid of this thought and I feel desperate as I know this is rubbish but I am scared that at the end I will loose control and start to beleive in it because why this is comming back and why thoughts connected to this are creating in my mind..thoughts are so bizzare and stupid that in normal condition I woul d laugh but now they are scaring me because they are popping up and I cant get rid of them ( for example there was thought that my dog is hellhound and I have a f*****g pug). I am feeling so desparate and anxious as when I see my daughter who is love of my life and who I love so much i say to myseld why I am thinking this ...will I loose control and start to beleive into this ....this is disaster...