Suicidal panic / Suicidal OCD

[Peterjohnswindley]

I’ve suffered on and off with suicidal OCD since 2013.

This means I think I’m going to kill myself. Not sure when, and I have no plans.

The panic / anxiety is absolutely relentless when not controlled with quetiapine. It’s so severe, that it creates real suicidal thoughts on top, and the cycle continues.

At one point this hell carried on for months.. 2 hrs of rubbish sleep per night.

The worst thing at the moment is my quetiapine dose is rising. I’m now on 450mg, having started on 50mg and the maximum dose is fast approaching.

I’m at a loss.

[Catkins]

Are you having any counselling? It might really help with the way you are feeling. Are you under the care of any mental health services?

If no to the above it might be worth discussing it with your GP, they might be able to refer you on? Also there are other medications available that might help, also worth discussing with your GP.

[BlueIris]

I struggled with unwanted suicidal ideation for decades; still do, at times of stress. I hear voices telling me that the only decent and right thing for me to do is to kill myself.

What really helped me was when I read somewhere that these intrusive thoughts had nothing to do with wanting to kill myself, and that they were just a reaction to feeling overloaded.

Nowadays, when they hit I try to take a mental step back, work out what I need to make myself feel better and they tend to fade on their own.

Wishing you all the luck in the world.

[pulisa]

Excellent post, BI.

Do you feel that the quetiapine is actually controlling these thoughts? My son is on a similar dose to you and it helps him with his sleep and self-harming behaviours. If you're worried about the effectiveness of quetiapine at a higher dose it may be worth discussing other med options with your psychiatrist?