View Full Version : I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes
I've got an appointment with the psychologist on the 20th April for medication. I wonder how that will go. I know none of you want to reassure me but if I don't have reassurance I end up with a huge panic attack. I'm under huge amounts of stress regarding my daughter and that isn't helping my mental health right now. It's making it worse because I feel like I'll die before I get to see her again.
I think it's a bit cruel the doctor won't send me for scan, considering how much this is affecting me right now. At least then I wouldn't be in this limbo of waiting
I think it's important that you learn to sit with these huge panic attacks, Chloe. They feel awful but they won't do you any lasting harm.
I think it's important that you learn to sit with these huge panic attacks, Chloe. They feel awful but they won't do you any lasting harm.
I do generally try and sit with them, but it's usually panic over a sensation or like I said before a wet patch. I'm not sure how to handle that?
If I get a sensation I then panic and the more I feel it it turns into a full blown panic and then I don't know what to do or how to deal with it.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that panic?
Not discussing wet patches, sorry.
I think it's a bit cruel the doctor won't send me for scan, considering how much this is affecting me right now.
No its not, its absolutely the correct thing to do. Scans are for those with medical need, not the 'worried (HA suffering) well'. They are expensive and the NHS is struggling after the height of the pandemic. Your doctor has no medical reason to send you, AND, knows that it won't make a difference to you long-term or possibly even short-term. Your HA won't clear up with a scan, possibly you won't believe it anyway and more likely you will simply move on to the next set of symptoms/illness as has happened over the last 6 months. There is no way the GP should give in to your request for a scan, next illness another scan/referral, next illness another scan referral.......
Not discussing wet patches, sorry.
But is there a way to deal with the panic?
Read back through the thread again, you've been told countless times.
No its not, its absolutely the correct thing to do. Scans are for those with medical need, not the 'worried (HA suffering) well'. They are expensive and the NHS is struggling after the height of the pandemic. Your doctor has no medical reason to send you, AND, knows that it won't make a difference to you long-term or possibly even short-term. Your HA won't clear up with a scan, possibly you won't believe it anyway and more likely you will simply move on to the next set of symptoms/illness as has happened over the last 6 months. There is no way the GP should give in to your request for a scan, next illness another scan/referral, next illness another scan referral.......
But the mental trauma it's causing me, I just thought he would do one. It's the bladder fixation that's causing me the most distress.
Just purely based on never feeling desperate to pee. And this awful feeling in the muscles
MEDICAL NEED Chlobo - you have no medical need, as much as you don't believe that. Where would it end sending (even distressed) people for unnecessary scans ? You seem to not be understanding the underlying point here, you aren't being sent for a scan as you don't NEED a scan, your Dr says there is no need ! A Dr is duty bound to make referrals if and when there is a true physical need. There are people out there suffering 'mental trauma' as they DO desperately need a scan and are on waiting lists, with real physical illnesses. Resources are limited and under great pressure.
Your Dr won't send you for a scan as he/she knows it will make no difference to the situation at all, and probably be detrimental to your mental health, as yet again you will have demanded extensive reassurance that nobody else would be requesting. Yet again (like with the Breast Cancer) you will have not believed your Dr and want further investigation and that pattern needs to be knocked on the head. What you are being offered, what you DO need, is mental health follow-up.
I think your bladder fixation won't end until you get distracted by other percieved symptoms, forget it, and move on to the next fixation. Then in a few weeks you will be the same about the bladder/spinal tumour as all the other previous serious illnesses you have believed you have had throughout these years - it will all disappear and become a thing of the past.
How to deal with the panic ? You have been told countless times, on this thread alone, how to make lists and counter negative thought patterns and reassure yourself.
I know none of you want to reassure me but if I don't have reassurance I end up with a huge panic attack.
.....and our reassurance works does it ? It immediately stops you carrying on down the path of worrying about your spinal/bladder whateveritis ? NO, it doesn't work !!
MEDICAL NEED Chlobo - you have no medical need, as much as you don't believe that. Where would it end sending (even distressed) people for unnecessary scans ? You seem to not be understanding the underlying point here, you aren't being sent for a scan as you don't NEED a scan, your Dr says there is no need ! A Dr is duty bound to make referrals if and when there is a true physical need. There are people out there suffering 'mental trauma' as they DO desperately need a scan and are on waiting lists, with real physical illnesses. Resources are limited and under great pressure.
Your Dr won't send you for a scan as he/she knows it will make no difference to the situation at all, and probably be detrimental to your mental health, as yet again you will have demanded extensive reassurance that nobody else would be requesting. Yet again (like with the Breast Cancer) you will have not believed your Dr and want further investigation and that pattern needs to be knocked on the head. What you are being offered, what you DO need, is mental health follow-up.
I think your bladder fixation won't end until you get distracted by other percieved symptoms, forget it, and move on to the next fixation. Then in a few weeks you will be the same about the bladder/spinal tumour as all the other previous serious illnesses you have believed you have had throughout these years - it will all disappear and become a thing of the past.
How to deal with the panic ? You have been told countless times, on this thread alone, how to make lists and counter negative thought patterns and reassure yourself.
.....and our reassurance works does it ? It immediately stops you carrying on down the path of worrying about your spinal/bladder whateveritis ? NO, it doesn't work !!
I read back on this entire thread when I feel at my worst, it does help. But long term no it doesn't work. I will go back and read again.
It's been three months now and i still haven't been able to focus on anything else, I have had other things happen but I just relate it to the same issues, like the bleeding. I get so stuck in something and until I know for sure it isn't that I don't seem to move on. I have never sat with a fear for this long
I have never sat with a fear for this long
That's not true - yes you have had fears for much longer.
For example, and this is just one thread, you started one on the first day of April 2015 which you eventually stopped posting on at the end of November 2017, it was about various neurological 'things' relating to having a brain tumour - which came, went, came back etc. It is not the only example, and in this thread you even say yourself that the year before you spent 6 months convinced you had a brain tumour.
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?213024-Struggling-again-with-some-neurological-symptoms-%26%23128542%3B
I read back on this entire thread when I feel at my worst, it does help. But long term no it doesn't work. I will go back and read again.
Its not about reading the whole thread, its about abstracting all the advice about how to deal with panic - that was the question you asked. You've been given much practical advice on how to retrain your thought processes many times, not just on this thread but on all of your others. Write the suggestions out about how to help yourself, anything you read that you think 'oh I could try that'. If you truly care about a future without being consumed with these fears, then take some action yourself.
I didn't realise this had been going on since 2015.
You need to be proactive, because from this angle it's starting to look as though the anxiety/reassurance begging cycle is your safe place.
Earlier than that Blue - Chlobo has been on here since 2014 and says in her first posts on here about having HA in the years prior to that. Whilst there is no time-scale on people finding the key and recovering, you'd hope to see a glint of trying something positive now and again. The word being 'trying' that I'm emphasising. I know you are struggling Chlobo, I know this is awful for you, but the key is being held with you.
I know none of you want to reassure me but if I don't have reassurance I end up with a huge panic attack.
The reassurance ISN'T helping you. It's enabling you to stay where you are - which is at the bottom of that hole.
Have the panic attack. It won't harm you. I've had thousands over my lifetime. I'm still here.
Do you understand that a panic attack is actually your body protecting you? It's the OPPOSITE of dying!
You're asking people how to deal with the panic? You've been told a thousand times. Read through your own threads starting in 2014! You have no problem Googling symptoms so use that time to do something that will actually help you.
I think it's a bit cruel the doctor won't send me for scan, considering how much this is affecting me right now. At least then I wouldn't be in this limbo of waiting
Because, while he is faffing about sending your for a scan that you don't need someone who does need it is having to wait. A scan will offer you temporary reassurance at best until the next symptom crops up..
but the key is being held with you.
100% THIS!!
WorryRaptor
13-04-22, 08:50
But is there a way to deal with the panic?
Countless people have helped you with this already.
You have to put some of that advice into action, otherwise they're just words you read over and over again until they're meaningless.
It's getting to the point where any more reassurance is not only useless, Chloe, but possibly damaging to your progress. You've had so many words of advice from the lovely members here, some of whom have been through their own grueling experiences with anxiety. They've taken the time to help you, reassure you, reason with you, and encourage you to take the steps towards addressing your anxiety. It's time to take those steps now.
You've gone very quiet Chlobo - after all the last replies ?! I wanted to think you are trying to abstract helpful points to move forward positively with your HA, advice from your threads - but I quickly checked your profile and see you are reading neurological type fear threads from many years ago (definitely not active threads as one is from 2006), posted by others with symptoms. This won't help you at all, the cycle will be perpetuated by looking for reassurance constantly from other threads. :(
I know you all want me to believe the doctor and put into practise all of the things that I have been told
Honestly though my symptoms are scary, and being triggered with neurological problems due to my brother, it's one of my biggest fears. Along with the situation going on with my daughter. The fact I've had two periods which have stopped and then I have bled again randomly, I have literally no sex drive. I woke up this morning and I had a small numb patch on my leg near my ankle, my groin keeps 'fizzing'
I am really scared, and I'm trying SO hard to carry on. I mean I haven't been to A&E yet. I am on a really thin line, all I want right now is my daughter, I want to see her and cuddle her. I have had her with me everyday for the last two years and suddenly she's gone. This is making all of this so much worse. I don't know where this is going to end, somethings got to give.
My friend said to me today 'oh you've lost weight, your legs are so scrawny' thank you so much, thank you for allowing yourself to speak that out loud to me so that can attach into my brain and fester.
I don't know the answer anymore, I have had health anxiety my entire life with small breaks in between, I only know my own consciousness, like we all do. Therefore when I become unwell if I'm not already, I am going to feel that. I will feel it and honestly it's something I can't cope with. Cancer is my biggest fear, any sort of cancer. If you could all actually see me now, you would see a shadow of the person who was here a year ago. I am just a shadow, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. All I can think is that hopefully the psychiatrist will give me enough tablets to just knock me out so I can't think anymore
But you do know what to do with yourself and that is the problem.
.......and put into practise all of the things that I have been told.....
Honestly though my symptoms are scary
...and here is an example of you ignoring the FIRST piece of advice you've been given, time and time again. Stop repeating that things are scary, they aren't, they are products of your over active and repetitious negative thought. If you keep repeating this 'scary' fact over and over, then yes, things will be perceived as scary - just like the BC did, the eyes did, the brain tumour did and all the other serious illnesses . Your 'symptoms' are NOT symptoms, symptoms are something that results from real physical illness, you have no real physical illness. Stop finding excuses like 'but my brother had this' - yeah, all families face serious illness (incidentally, your brother was treated and is fine, just adding that into the equation here) in their families, what you going to do waste the whole of your life running in fear and being triggered ?
Its very simple - a baseline starting point: You stand there and repeat out loud, *"I'm not seriously ill, these aren't scary symptoms, this is my anxiety making things feel real,my Doctor says I'm fine, my Doctor has always been right, I have never had any of the serious illnesses I was certain I had." You say it aloud over and over and over and over. Instead of searching online, you stand there and say that, 10 times an hour if necessary. Every time you feel scared, you repeat it. You do this for days, weeks........you don't once repeat to yourself that you have scary symptoms. If you do find yourself repeating that things are scary you go back to * This would be the best starting point, its basic, its hardly complex therapy, but its worth doing.
You have spent no time today, at all, that I can see, in writing down abstracted advice from even this one thread (let alone any of the others). You have probably, I suspect, spent hours reading those old threads, searching symptoms, fuelling that things are scary. I honestly don't think there is anything more anyone can say Chlobo, nothing that hasn't been said. We can spout words for another decade or so, but unless you decide to do something with those words they are just throwing hollow sounds into the ethos. I am sorry that you are in the situation you are with your daughter, but surely you can see that it was your HA, and your ex responding to it, that started that process off and sorting out that HA would be incredibly positive. Where are your children during all these hours of being on here or google ? What are they doing ? Why is searching the internet , or fuelling your HA more important ?
I know you all want me to believe the doctor and put into practise all of the things that I have been told
YOU should want this, YOU - not US. You should want this with every fibre of your being, for your future, for your children.
Agreeing with Carys here; when the anxiety gets a grip on me I have to remind myself every other second that I'm not in any danger and there isn't anything to be afraid of. It's all about reinforcing the message to yourself.
What you're doing right now is wilfully - and it is wilfully at this stage - reinforcing the opposite message.
This is a choice that only you can make, and no amount of hand-wringing will change that. At this stage, it's actively irresponsible here for people to supply the reassurance you want, no matter how it makes you feel. You have a bunch of small people who depend on you, and please believe me when I say they won't forget this. If you don't get a handle on your HA, there's every chance that you'll lose them when they're older because they won't be able to forgive you.
I know you all want me to believe the doctor and put into practise all of the things that I have been told
Honestly though my symptoms are scary, and being triggered with neurological problems due to my brother, it's one of my biggest fears.
The symptoms are normal anxiety symptoms. You don't understand them so you fear them. They're scary for everyone who doesn't understand them. The information is all on here..
Read through your own posts and see how many times you use words like 'scary' and 'terrifying'. Your brain is taking notice and responding. This is why you never feel any different.
The fact I've had two periods which have stopped and then I have bled again randomly, I have literally no sex drive. I woke up this morning and I had a small numb patch on my leg near my ankle, my groin keeps 'fizzing'
This is you getting your reassurance fix. I'm not going to engage with you re symptoms.
I am really scared,
You've been posting on here since 2014. All that fear yet you're still here. You didn't die. You're as physically healthy as you've always been but you're still in a shithole with your mental health.
and I'm trying SO hard to carry on.
I could say the same Chloe. So could most people on here. We all have our burdens..
I am on a really thin line, all I want right now is my daughter, I want to see her and cuddle her. I have had her with me everyday for the last two years and suddenly she's gone. This is making all of this so much worse. I don't know where this is going to end, somethings got to give.
What's happening with your daughter is adding to your problem Chloe, but it's not the problem.
My friend said to me today 'oh you've lost weight, your legs are so scrawny' thank you so much, thank you for allowing yourself to speak that out loud to me so that can attach into my brain and fester.
Nope.
I don't know the answer anymore, I have had health anxiety my entire life with small breaks in between,
Me too, and I got myself out of the crap. So have many other people on here.
Cancer is my biggest fear, any sort of cancer. If you could all actually see me now, you would see a shadow of the person who was here a year ago. I am just a shadow, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. All I can think is that hopefully the psychiatrist will give me enough tablets to just knock me out so I can't think anymore
Both my parents had cancer. Cancer was my biggest fear. I no longer have that fear because I am in control of my health anxiety. I need to be aware that my mother had cancer and that my risk is slightly higher of developing that particular cancer, but that it's not a cert that I will. My brothers need to be aware of their risk for prostate cancer, but it's by no means a given that they will develop the same cancer as our dad. I go for my screening every couple of years and I act on relevant symptoms. That's common sense. But I no longer sit there worrying about something that I don't have now or that I may never have. Also, my mother did not die of cancer. She survived it because people do survive cancer! You have to find the logic and make your peace with what you fear. That's the way out of this Chloe - rationality & acceptance.
Every time you post with fear or think with fear you are choosing to keep yourself where you are. You are choosing to symptom dump and get that reassurance fix because this has become an addiction. This is why you're now looking elsewhere on the forum to get your fix. And as bad as you think this is, it's way easier than working to challenge those thoughts.
After a while, challenging your thoughts gets easier and there comes a point where fear isn't your initial response. That's me now. I still get the HA thoughts but I don't automatically fear them. I observe them. I take myself to 'thought court'. I consider the evidence. I enjoy this because of my liking for police procedural drama lol. I do the voices and everything. :) If I hear about someone being ill etc and I develop a symptom, I ask myself who it belongs to. Is it me? Or is that person I've just read about? I no longer think I'm dying all the time. I'm not scared anymore. I accept death and dying as part of life. You cannot have one without the other.
There is a rather wonderful human being called Neil Baldwin (Nello). They made a film about him called Marvellous. It's his life story and it really is marvellous what this human being has achieved because he refused to allow adversity to get in the way of his plans to be happy. Dude has learning difficulties but that's never stopped him being whatever he wanted to be. And he's been all sorts! His mother died and Nello not only survived, but he thrived. Watch the movie. Let this dude teach you a thing or two about life. This will be time well spent as opposed to sitting on here fuelling your health anxiety.
"I always wanted to be happy, so I decided to be." - Neil Baldwin
I can't do this anymore.
I'm on my way to A&E
OK , trying to get a scan I guess, outside of the usual referral system :huh: . (Do make sure they know fully about your Drs assessement, notes on your 'illness' and being in the mental health system for HA)
You were challenged for the last few pages to try some simple and basic techniques to not allow the negative to dominate - and you've chosen the opposite, literally as far away from the advice as possible. As others have said, this is a choice you are making now, to put the effort in with retraining your HA behaviours, or to perpetuate it.
WorryRaptor
14-04-22, 12:08
What are you hoping to gain from going to A&E Chlobo? They only tend to rule out any acute or emergent issues, they don't investigate vague symptoms as they exist to treat people who need help NOW.
They will likely only assess you for anything considered an emergency, and that doesn't usually include a scan, at least not one that would rule out what you're currently worried about. Not all scans are the same, and they don't readily pop anybody into something like an MRI. Their system is already under immense strain, so they will be even more picky about who they even give a CT to.
If you're going because you are having a mental health crisis, then by all means it's a good step to take if you feel you need support for that more quickly, but if you're going for the perceived physical symptoms you have, I'm not sure it will really help.
They know I have mental health problems.
But they are going to do an MRI of my lower back
How can you trust the person who's going to read the scan, though?
They know I have mental health problems.
But they are going to do an MRI of my lower back
I doubt they understand that you've been refused one or the severity of recurrence regarding your illness beliefs. Your GP is gonna be pi**ed you have by-passed his/her efforts to stop offering further investigation. Furthmore, you should be pi**ed that you've given in, and done the complete opposite to advice given here. No wonder you've had HA your whole life.
I'm sorry Chlobo, but I've got to say this. By going to A&E and getting an MRI you may be delaying it for someone who really needs it. You are queue jumping when you have no clinical need for this scan. The NHS is incredibly stretched at the moment (I know I work for it) and I am quite sure that the people who operate the MRI scanner aren't sitting around without anything to do.
I do feel for you, anxiety is just awful, but you really need to work on addressing your HA and not chasing quick, short term fixes.
WorryRaptor
14-04-22, 18:04
As much as I don't feel it was the right path to take in order to have a scan, I do hope you find some of the reassurance you want from this MRI. Perhaps you can then focus on addressing the anxiety?
Do try to remember that MRI's tend to find a lot of incidental (and irrelevant) stuff, so if that happens, try not to fixate on that, and don't second guess the report. I had a lower back scan years and years ago and it found a few random things, including a benign lump of some kind that's sitting neatly next to my spinal chord. It looked scarily like one of the nasties but ended up being a harmless lump caused by wear and tear between the vertebrae. It's still sitting there 9 years later and hasn't done anything.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm on my way to A&E
Accident and Emergency isn't the right place for you. In 2017 nurses made a statement that A&E must no longer be used as a place of safety for people who are mentally unwell and this is because the environment itself can be distressing. People die there. People are seriously ill. The police are generally there. More importantly, the staff in A & E do not have the skills required to deal with people with MH problems. On the occasions where I did not need to be there (that was 2 out of the 3 times I was there) I found staff to be unsympathetic and rightly so. A bloke was having seizures in the cubicle next to me. That's something I'll never forget. 5am on a Sunday morning. Chaos! And I was left for long periods of time because I WASN'T AN EMERGENCY.
Hopefully there won't be any incidental findings on your scan (like I've had) because you won't be able to cope with it Chloe. I coped because I am in control of my health anxiety. A clear scan could put an end to this particular fear but it probably won't because you came on here in 2014 with neurological fears and here you are again so this scan with it's expense and taking up of NHS time etc will only give you short-term reassurance at best before you start to doubt the results or the capabilities of the doctor who was looking at the scan. You could be given the all clear but the next time there's a drop of piss in your knickers, fear will rip through those gears faster than Lewis Hamilton!
The frustration people have on here is justified. It's been a truly valiant effort and hopefully other people with HA will have benefitted from the advice, even when you clearly haven't. The effort you're putting into keeping yourself in this shithole is truly admirable. If only you could channel that energy into helping yourself!
I don't know you to make a judgment call but I'd hope that your 'I'm going to A & E' announcement yesterday was for other reasons than to guilt-trip us for no longer enabling your reassurance seeking?
We're not responsible for your actions Chloe, you are. In choosing not to respond to this destructive habit, we are trying to help you. And one day, if you ever decide to help yourself, you will understand this..
Do you have the results from your scan? It was accident and emergency so I presume a doctor will have looked at them yesterday?
Have your fears been verified?
Hi everyone.
A&E was actually quite quiet yesterday, I was seen within half an hour of being there. The doctor who I saw took my symptoms seriously, I did tell her I have health anxiety and told her my history, I didn't leave anything out.
She did some neuro checks again and examined me, she did a scan of my bladder as well. She went to speak to her consultant and because the feelings weren't normal for me they said they would do the MRI, I didn't ask for one myself.
So I had a lumbar/sacral MRI and it was clear. She said everything looked totally normal.
My mental health appointment is next week now, so it isn't too far away. I know you're all annoyed with me but I have health anxiety and isn't my behavior matching that. Until I get some meds into my system I don't think I'm going to feel worlds better. I know that I have HA and I know that it's a huge problem in my life, but ultimately sometimes I think a mental health problem can be too large to just conquer with changing behaviors, I think some people need some decent medication on top of that to put into practice what is being given to them to help. I am relieved but again I have the doubts creeping in that potentially they should of done my entire spine to be absolute sure. But then i'm unsure if only lower spinal issues would cause bladder and bowel problems plus the lower region not feeling as sensitive. My thought says well yes because it would be pushing on the lower nerves and obviously the lower nerves are next too the bladder, bowel etc.
This is a long process for me and like I said before I think medication is a big need for me in terms of controlling some of the panic
WorryRaptor
15-04-22, 13:08
Glad to hear your scan is clear, and I hope your next mental health appointment goes well. Now you can fully focus on that :)
What do you define as "decent" medication? I can't remember every detail in this thread, but weren't you prescribed meds already?
The doctor who I saw took my symptoms seriously
Here we go again - THEY ARE NOT SYMPTOMS, as you HAVE NOTHING WRONG. At A and E, they felt it wasn't worth their while to disbelieve your ACCOUNT of things and clearly felt duty bound to prove that it indeed was just anxiety. After all if you present verbally with something, its their job to rule out that there is nothing else JUST INCASE. If I was to go in there and say I'd had HA for the last 80 years, but told them I had bad chest pains and felt tightness but I'd seen the GP twice who had checked and said it was nothing - they are not going to presume its anxiety, they they are going to give me a cardiac check.
She said everything looked totally normal.
As entirely expected by everyone here and as your Dr said, more than once - the same result as always 'all normal'. You had to do it again didn't you, you had to push it to a major investigation as usual. What a waste of NHS resources and time, and what a sad situation that you aren't even wanting to focus on the basics of counteracting your negative behaviour/habit. I personally gave a very simple suggestion in bold and underlined, something that you could have worked on, but you didn't try it, you didn't even acknowledge it - you carried on searching threads, seeking reassurance and reenforcing that there were 'scary things'. Further to that, I believe when you were challenged to try some methods and not allowed reassurance you pushed back against us further and went to A and E. (incidentally, many others have provided far more detailed and time-consuming support than myself and I'm sure they feel the same way - an occasional 'thank you' doesn't wash, because I don't think you really read and think about what is written)
There is nothing more I have to add to this thread to be honest Chlobo, your update has confirmed to me that you have no intention of even trying any of the suggestions on the last few pages or input given by professionals in the past. Words here are pointless, as if you are intending on nailing your flag to medication and the mental health team's help, then why post here ? Nobody expects miracles, its hard, people slip, people struggle....but even a slight indication that you are not doing the opposite of what we say all the time would make our time seem more worthwhile. Its all excuses : but I have HA, I had an ill brother, I am upset about this or that. Everyone has hard things in their lives, everyone.
Thank you at least for updating, as I know now not to spend any more time with suggestions. Yes, you have HA for sure but its your lack of trying even the most basic of strategies that is infuriating and you should personally feel disappointed. (I apologise to anyone it annoys that I sound infuriated in this post, I am aware I am) Nobody else can sort it - medication (is a partial tool for some people) or other people with magic wands. You could have come back on here today and said along the lines of 'you were all right for the last 50 pages, I'm going to learn something from this and try everything I can find to try that has been suggested in this thread'. You haven't done that. I wish you the best of fortune with your MH, particularly the next appointment, and hope that something 'clicks' with you soon about your responsibility to be motivated towards putting effort in.
WorryRaptor
15-04-22, 13:48
Mental health is a long process for everyone Chlobo. Many of us here have walked that seemingly endless path. The advice people here have shared isn't coming from a wild guess or something they read in a leaflet, it's coming from a place of real pain, fear, and uncertainty that they too experienced. By stating that you need meds first, before you try behavioural changes, feels a lot like you're disregarding any of the help everyone has tried to give you.
Yes the nature of health anxiety is to struggle with reassurance seeking, but you've proven quite a few times here that you are cognizant enough to justify your anxiety and motivations in depth. You're not helpless. You are self aware enough to at least try to apply some of the wonderful advice given to you by people here.
She doesn't want to though. That's blatantly obvious.
Honestly, I'm not at all one to discount medication. Medication (first escitalopram and then fluoxetine) helped me a ton and were key to myself getting out of a big rut. If that is something that you and your doctors feel will truly help you, then please, give them a go alongside your therapy. But didn't you say in a previous post that you were given an SSRI and you were too afraid to take it? You can request a different medication but if you refuse to start them they won't do anything for you anyway - just as if you don't engage with your therapy it won't do anything either.
Best of luck to you.
Medication is great - it changed my life.
However, I started taking it in the full knowledge that I had health anxiety and that my worries were irrational. Chloe, medication is just a tool, and it'll do zero good unless you put the work in. Bear in mind that side effects can be tough the first few weeks, too, so you'll need some inner strength.
I’m going to keep this brief as OH is another Helenhoo who I spent many times trying to help to no avail.
I am glad your results came back clear but not happy about the way you went about it. I am having to pay privately for scans to see the degeneration of my progressive actual medically diagnosed physical condition because the NHS is so overrun and busy they just can’t get me in for a scan for at least 12-18 months.
Medication is not the cure, medication can work but has to be used in conjunction with therapy and coping mechanisms to have a good outcome.
I have suffered from HA since I was 19 I am now 31. I like many here, I have had lots of fears over the years and guess what they have all been fears, anxiety, obsessive thoughts never what my brain has told me is the “worst case” scenario.
Currently I have been battling cardiophobia for around 2 months now but I will not take myself to the gp or the hospital because I know it’s just my anxiety as I have had tests done and they were clear and I am a reasonable healthy young woman with no major risk factors. The pains in my chest have been happening on and off for months. No it’s not a heart attack because it wouldn’t be going on this long.
These responses I say to myself are the things I have learned in therapy and from doing my own personal researching of CBT and talking my anxiety. I’m not saying that everyday is a breeze as it’s not but… I make a conscious effort to fight my fears with logic and no longer paralyse myself with fear.
I spent most of last night reading this thread, sadly a lot of people have gave you lots of advice and you refuse to listen. Advice coming from long timers on this sight aswell who have calmed me down in previous years but you take no notice. HA is horrible and most of us battle or have came through the battle but heavily reassurance seeking to the point this post is 6 years old with nearly 1000 comments is not beneficial for you. You said something along the lines of justifying my your actions because you have HA. You are not your HA you need to want to help YOURSELF. We won’t do that for you. You need to accept what the doctors say and move on with making yourself mentally healthy and controlling your obsessions
I have really tried not to go too A&E, I've held back for almost three months which is a long time based on the past year and when I would go.
I get what you're all saying but when you're stuck in that cycle of panic and 'what if' it's hard to get out of it. I know you're all pissed at me, and that's okay I'll take that, I'm always honest on here and I'll admit when I've been and had testing.
Poppy I have been on medication most of my life but my doctor wanted to try something new to see if it would help. The Sertraline upset my tummy and the Venlafaxine made my vision blurred so each time the doctor told me to stop. I know I have health anxiety, and probably severe health anxiety at that, I am aware it's an issue and I'm definitely not denying there's a mental health issue here, I'm just finding it hard to control.
I have been doing what everyone has told me in regards to not googling, I have stopped that. The checking is OCD so that's not an instant fix, even a therapist told me that you can't stop that cold turkey, but just decrease it if I can. If I have offended anyone then I apologise, but honestly if you could see me in real life at the moment you would probably realise why I ended up going. I am a mess.
Who is looking after your children, Chloe?
I’m going to keep this brief as OH is another Helenhoo who I spent many times trying to help to no avail.
I am glad your results came back clear but not happy about the way you went about it. I am having to pay privately for scans to see the degeneration of my progressive actual medically diagnosed physical condition because the NHS is so overrun and busy they just can’t get me in for a scan for at least 12-18 months.
Medication is not the cure, medication can work but has to be used in conjunction with therapy and coping mechanisms to have a good outcome.
I have suffered from HA since I was 19 I am now 31. I like many here, I have had lots of fears over the years and guess what they have all been fears, anxiety, obsessive thoughts never what my brain has told me is the “worst case” scenario.
Currently I have been battling cardiophobia for around 2 months now but I will not take myself to the gp or the hospital because I know it’s just my anxiety as I have had tests done and they were clear and I am a reasonable healthy young woman with no major risk factors. The pains in my chest have been happening on and off for months. No it’s not a heart attack because it wouldn’t be going on this long.
These responses I say to myself are the things I have learned in therapy and from doing my own personal researching of CBT and talking my anxiety. I’m not saying that everyday is a breeze as it’s not but… I make a conscious effort to fight my fears with logic and no longer paralyse myself with fear.
I spent most of last night reading this thread, sadly a lot of people have gave you lots of advice and you refuse to listen. Advice coming from long timers on this sight aswell who have calmed me down in previous years but you take no notice. HA is horrible and most of us battle or have came through the battle but heavily reassurance seeking to the point this post is 6 years old with nearly 1000 comments is not beneficial for you. You said something along the lines of justifying my your actions because you have HA. You are not your HA you need to want to help YOURSELF. We won’t do that for you. You need to accept what the doctors say and move on with making yourself mentally healthy and controlling your obsessions
You have done fantastically well to manage your HA so successfully, GadGirl. I don't understand how Chloe was just able to get an instant MRI and results on the spot when everyone else faces an extremely long wait for both test AND results. It's unfair but ultimately it's far better to have reached the place you have where you don't need to chase tests and doctors all the time.
Agreed, Pulisa, on all counts. I find it very upsetting that there are people out there with a genuine need who have to wait for insane amounts of time.
Being a mess is no excuse for Chloe neglecting her kids or taking resources from those in genuine need. My crippling anxiety is a good part of the reason I decided to never have kids; I didn't want them to be poisoned by my own fear.
I feel so guilty for having children and lumbering them with my legacy.
You shouldn't. You clearly take wonderful care of them.
flygirl767
16-04-22, 09:43
I rarely post, mainly due to getting very little response when I have needed support but here we have another thread of 80 pages with so many of you trying (in vain) to support this lady whilst so many other posters get pretty much ignored. I honestly think you are all just feeding her addiction for reassurance and you would be better of not responding now. Chloe needs professional help and she is not taking on board anything you tell her.
Not even going to mention the cost to the NHS of a needless MRI..
WorryRaptor
16-04-22, 13:03
I agree that there's not much more anyone can really do here.
It's up to Chlobo to take the steps she needs now. People have given so much of their time to this whole thing, and it really doesn't look like any of their advice was taken on board, or even appreciated beyond a hasty thanks and a symptom dump. I feel a significant part of the motivation behind people helping so much is the fact Chlobo has young children relying on her to get better.
Chlobo, I seriously hope you start putting in the work to address your mental health. I realise you're struggling fiercely with all of this, but countless others are too. Ultimately, it comes down to making choices, and committing to them, with the help of medication or not. You won't make progress by doing one small thing, followed by a "yeah but" or reasoning why it's so difficult. Even your last reply here was justifying your behaviour. Everyone here knows its difficult. There are even people with anxiety AND actual physical illnesses who are fighting exactly the same dragon.
I know you're all annoyed with me but I have health anxiety and isn't my behavior matching that.
Your HA and mental illness are an explanation for your behavior, not an excuse for it :lac:
I agree with previous posts about replying at all at this point and yes, I know even posting this will feed the dragon, but enough is enough.
FMP
I feel so guilty for having children and lumbering them with my legacy.
Don't ever think like that. Your children are lucky to have you as their mum, the fact that you have had mental health problems makes you in an excellent position to understand them and support them with their struggles. Is it hereditary? Who knows? Every time me, my brother or my sister had anything wrong with us from our birth until she died, my mum would feel responsible, that she'd somehow passed it down. Sometimes things just happen, whether it's physical or mental, none of us know when we have kids what the future holds.
All we can do is do our best, I know sometimes it feels like that isn't good enough, but it's all any of us can do.
Last year, when I was really unwell and my son took me to our local mental health hospital for an assessment, I thought I'd completely failed as a mother. But he was brilliant, he was supportive, kind and didn't stop at home afterwards longer than he should do (so that his life was affected in any negative way). The way he's been since is no different to before, he still treats me as his pain in the bum mum, who has a quirky sense of humour, which sometimes verges on ridiculous. I hope that by seeing me in a terrible state, and seeing me improving with support, counselling and medication helps him should he find himself struggling in life, he'll hopefully know it's not the end of the road.
I know your circumstances are different to mine, but having someone who understands suffering on many levels will be an advantage for your children, it's harder to support someone if you have absolutely no idea what they're going through.
I'm looking after my children Pul.
And they are not being neglected in any shape or form, I look after them over myself, that means regardless of how I feel. It's been the two week Easter holidays and they have done activities most days, plus it was my sons birthday yesterday which I had also planned. The main reason why I am so afraid is because I have the kids to look after single handedly. My son doesn't have any involvement with his dad which is his dads choice not mine, I am worried sick about what would happen to him at such a young age. I do agree that if I could look forward and see how I feel now I may have made the choice not to have children but it's too late for that and hindsight is a great thing. If we want to view having children as selfish because of having mental health problems, we could say the same thing about the entire population. We reproduce to eventually die and we all make that choice for our children, which I think about a lot and it's horrible!
That's another reason I went to A&E, no one can be totally sure a physical issue isn't present. And if it gives me that small bit of reassurance so I can function more for my kids then so be it. Like I said I didn't ask for the scan, the consultant said to do one to rule something out. One of the reasons I paid for a scan before was because I didn't want to take one away from someone else. Ultimately these sensations and symptoms have scared me so much that I ended up giving in and going because I was panicking.
If I wasn't doing anything at all regarding my mental health I would understand but I am, several times I've said here I have a psychologist appointment next week, I am not pinning all my hopes on medication but it sure does help. I know I have mental health problems, and I know I jump to the worst case scenario with everything. And that isn't just health. I know that I can't carry on like this, which is why I was trying to break this cycle a bit more before I went to the psychiatrist.
I'm still experiencing the weird sensations around my groin and legs. I am still worried about it. But I know that it's nothing to do with my lower spine. I just feel like I'm being judged when most of you have been in the same situation as me. I DO take on the advice that is being given, as much as none of you think I do. I read the same comments over and over again, and I repeat it to myself daily. And I'm sure other members have too which is great.
[QUOTE=Chlobo;2042168]
That's another reason I went to A&E, no one can be totally sure a physical issue isn't present. And if it gives me that small bit of reassurance so I can function more for my kids then so be it. Like I said I didn't ask for the scan, the consultant said to do one to rule something out. One of the reasons I paid for a scan before was because I didn't want to take one away from someone else. Ultimately these sensations and symptoms have scared me so much that I ended up giving in and going because I was panicking.
Nobody can be totally sure they don't have a physical problem, yes your correct but as previously mentioned this post is years old and all you have done is obsess and symptom dump one thing after the other different illness after different illness. And if I'm going to be honest here, i feel like you said something to make the doctors( googled something to say) to give you a such a urgent scan as, they don't just hand them out willy nilly. You say it gives you small reassurance yet you have had prior tests and never believed what the doctors have told you, have they missed something, was the test incorrect so what reassurance is that actually providing you. Psychology only works if you work at it as well, the psychologist wont allow you to just symptom dump either and constantly look for reassurance.
I wish you all the best with therapy and do hope that one day you can overcome or at least rationalise and reduce your anxiety and constant reassurance seeking.
[QUOTE=Chlobo;2042168]
That's another reason I went to A&E, no one can be totally sure a physical issue isn't present. And if it gives me that small bit of reassurance so I can function more for my kids then so be it. Like I said I didn't ask for the scan, the consultant said to do one to rule something out. One of the reasons I paid for a scan before was because I didn't want to take one away from someone else. Ultimately these sensations and symptoms have scared me so much that I ended up giving in and going because I was panicking.
Nobody can be totally sure they don't have a physical problem, yes your correct but as previously mentioned this post is years old and all you have done is obsess and symptom dump one thing after the other different illness after different illness. And if I'm going to be honest here, i feel like you said something to make the doctors( googled something to say) to give you a such a urgent scan as, they don't just hand them out willy nilly. You say it gives you small reassurance yet you have had prior tests and never believed what the doctors have told you, have they missed something, was the test incorrect so what reassurance is that actually providing you. Psychology only works if you work at it as well, the psychologist wont allow you to just symptom dump either and constantly look for reassurance.
I wish you all the best with therapy and do hope that one day you can overcome or at least rationalise and reduce your anxiety and constant reassurance seeking.
I think Pul or Carys linked an old thread of mine, this thread is recent but I've been on this site since 2015 I think.
I genuinely didn't say anything to get that scan. I said I was experiencing tingling and altered sensation down below, she asked me if I had any incontinence and I said I had seen the odd wet patch but I wasn't sure.
The doctor did various neuro tests including a bladder scan. She then went away and came back with the forms for the scan and said the consultant wanted to rule it out. I think I'm lucky because it was quiet that day, and also they could see how scared and upset I was. Maybe the fact they saw how anxious I was helped make that decision. But I didn't lie to them.
Also I forgot to add, I suddenly remembered the doctor who was treating me said her friend suffers with health anxiety too. So I wonder if she's quite the support for her friend, that might mean she has more understanding
WorryRaptor
17-04-22, 18:11
Chlobo, with the symptoms you've mentioned (which your GP confirmed were not actually clinical) they would have had no choice but to scan you, even if they really felt it wasn't necessary. Some symptoms, even if almost always from a benign cause, just set off that sequence of "flags" they need to follow.
Chest pain for example can be from heartburn, muscular issues, discs, or plain old tension, but they will almost always do at least an ECG and bloods on anybody who comes into A&E with chest related pain of any kind.
I DO take on the advice that is being given, as much as none of you think I do. The biggest piece of advice people have constantly given you here is to stop seeking reassurance.
The biggest piece of advice people have constantly given you here is to stop seeking reassurance.
This dragon is insatiable :whistles: Chloe, I am curious as to how you look after your children when you're literally logged in here 12 hours a day! One can plainly see it and you're reading several different threads (Viewing Thread Tingling in groin! (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?128618-Tingling-in-groin!) Viewing Thread I'm a mess and can't go on anymore (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?247686-I-m-a-mess-and-can-t-go-on-anymore)) or waiting for dragon food on this thread at any given time. Again, HA and mental illness are an explanation for the behaviors, not an excuse. Enough is enough. (consider the dragon fed).
FMP
Don't ever think like that. Your children are lucky to have you as their mum, the fact that you have had mental health problems makes you in an excellent position to understand them and support them with their struggles. Is it hereditary? Who knows? Every time me, my brother or my sister had anything wrong with us from our birth until she died, my mum would feel responsible, that she'd somehow passed it down. Sometimes things just happen, whether it's physical or mental, none of us know when we have kids what the future holds.
All we can do is do our best, I know sometimes it feels like that isn't good enough, but it's all any of us can do.
Last year, when I was really unwell and my son took me to our local mental health hospital for an assessment, I thought I'd completely failed as a mother. But he was brilliant, he was supportive, kind and didn't stop at home afterwards longer than he should do (so that his life was affected in any negative way). The way he's been since is no different to before, he still treats me as his pain in the bum mum, who has a quirky sense of humour, which sometimes verges on ridiculous. I hope that by seeing me in a terrible state, and seeing me improving with support, counselling and medication helps him should he find himself struggling in life, he'll hopefully know it's not the end of the road.
I know your circumstances are different to mine, but having someone who understands suffering on many levels will be an advantage for your children, it's harder to support someone if you have absolutely no idea what they're going through.
I completely agree with this.
I personally find it incredibly unsettling when anyone suggests someone with anxiety isn’t looking after their children properly.
I completely agree with this.
I personally find it incredibly unsettling when anyone suggests someone with anxiety isn’t looking after their children properly.
I personally experienced neglect of my children due to mental illness as my ex was so self-absorbed in her mental issues that the children suffered. I spent years with the kids with me when she couldn't deal with things and while my son has navigated the storm well, my daughter on the other hand has and still is, suffering the effects of her mother's mental illness and inherited many of the same issues. I get that you may be taking care of your children the best you possibly can, but the long term effects can take years to manifest themselves.
FMP
WorryRaptor
18-04-22, 00:43
I really think it depends on the severity of the anxiety, and how much of the anxiety an individual is able to cope with. Some people who deal with mental illness are incredible parents, while others aren't. I'm sure there are plenty of people who struggle with their mental health every day, who give their children the best possible life.
I had a parent who had mental health problems, and it had a massive impact on me as a person. It only fully manifested in my mid twenties. I struggle with my self confidence as a result. I believe this had a severe impact on my OCD in later years. Their depression and anxiety resulted in emotional neglect, and a constant swing between lavish praise and harsh criticism, depending on their mood. They would unwittingly project their unhappiness onto me and I would constantly try to make sure to keep them in a "good mood". When I ultimately failed at that, I would feel guilt and anxiety that I couldn't express. From the outside looking in, they were the epitome of a fantastic, diligent parent who did everything for their kids.
However, I still don't believe that would be the case for every parent who struggles with their mental health.
My own struggles with OCD and ADHD made me extremely reluctant to ever have children of my own, but that's only because I personally know I wouldn't be able to give that child everything they needed. It could be completely different for somebody else.
I really think it depends on the severity
We're talking about an individual who self harmed and raked a fork across her body to the point of bleeding as a response to imaginary symptoms! We're talking about an individual who is logged into this site 12+ hours as day! We're talking about an individual that seeks reassurance regardless of it being positive or negative! We're talking about an individual that needs direct intervention from mental health services for her own protection and the protection and well being of her children!
I would hope that admin, being that they have access to more personal information in addition to what has been shared here previously, would forward it to the proper channels to get this member the real life help that's needed and protect her children! I've been here many years and frankly, what I'm reading here is scary! I'm truly concerned for the OP and her children!!!!
FMP
WorryRaptor
18-04-22, 02:28
We're talking about an individual who self harmed and raked a fork across her body to the point of bleeding as a response to imaginary symptoms! We're talking about an individual who is logged into this site 12+ hours as day! We're talking about an individual that seeks reassurance regardless of it being positive or negative! We're talking about an individual that needs direct intervention from mental health services for her own protection and the protection and well being of her children!
I would hope that admin, being that they have access to more personal information in addition to what has been shared here previously, would forward it to the proper channels to get this member the real life help that's needed and protect her children! I've been here many years and frankly, what I'm reading here is scary! I'm truly concerned for the OP and her children!!!!
FMP
I think my post looked like a specific reply when it wasn’t. I’m running on about 3 hours sleep and just about to catch up on that! I was speaking generally in response to the subject about parents with anxiety, not specifically about Chlobo.
I agree that Chlobos anxiety would be considered extremely severe and yes, most definitely worrisome. I don’t know her as a person, but from reading the whole thread, I absolutely feel concerned for the well-being of her and her children. It’s incredibly hard to gauge the reality of somebodies life from a series of posts online, but from what Chlobo has shared with us, it’s difficult NOT to worry.
FMP - she's already 'in' the right channels the MH team are involved and she has reached out herself numerous times, she has been and IS being assessed. She has contact with multiple agencies/family and friends - clearly they aren't seeing the same scenario as we hear written about here and there are not concerns. This is a snapshot we see here of the worst of the condition, a blog or outlet for the anxious thoughts, it might be quite different 'on the ground'. We don't know and should avoid making judgements (myself included), its not our place.
I certainly don't agree that in any shape or form NMP are responsible or should be involved in individual assessements or action. I am no longer replying to Chloe personally about her mental health - but I had to comment on this, as its wrong to suggest that 1. Just because someone is more 'vocal' on here that they are risking their children and 2. That this should be an unsafe place, where people have information fed back to agencies and authorities. I'm sure that doesn't happen.
We're talking about an individual who self harmed and raked a fork across her body to the point of bleeding as a response to imaginary symptoms! We're talking about an individual who is logged into this site 12+ hours as day! We're talking about an individual that seeks reassurance regardless of it being positive or negative! We're talking about an individual that needs direct intervention from mental health services for her own protection and the protection and well being of her children!
I would hope that admin, being that they have access to more personal information in addition to what has been shared here previously, would forward it to the proper channels to get this member the real life help that's needed and protect her children! I've been here many years and frankly, what I'm reading here is scary! I'm truly concerned for the OP and her children!!!!
FMP
I’m really sorry for the effect it had on your children.
You don’t know OP though, you only know what you see here and what she chooses to show you. I believe she has severe anxiety and a lot of stuff going on, but I see no real proof of bad parenting. However, if she is receiving help, then I applaud her for getting it, and I’m grateful her children are too. We should not be judging people with mental health issues here, we are a support and advice forum. If she chooses to listen to advice then that’s great, but if she doesn’t then walk away. Don’t let her experiences trigger your bad memories. She is not the same person that you lived with.
Honestly if we’re all suggesting that people with anxiety shouldn’t have children then I’m going to have to leave the forum.
I'm so very sorry, Scass, I didn't mean to suggest that and the last thing I'd want to do is hurt you.
My anxiety was a factor in my not having children, but that was a personal decision and I shouldn't have raised it here. I do worry for Chloe's kids because her self-testing has occasionally tipped towards self-harm, but that's one specific factor.
If there was an issue with my parenting, don't you think my doctor who knows I have four children would of done something? Don't you think my children's school who I have a great relationship with who also know I have anxiety problems would of raised concerns?
My doctor has actually seen my children, he has treated them for silly things like ear infections etc. When I went to hospital I even spoke to the doctor about my kids and my mental health and she wasn't concerned either.
Also with the actions of my other child's father I've actually called certain agencies myself for support, all of these agencies know that my door is open if they wanted to explore. And none of them have raised any concern.
People that have mental health issues shouldn't just be flagged up as a bad parent. Why would I post about anything other than my anxiety here? I'm not comfortable talking about my children on this site in such a way.
I'm going to stop posting because it's getting to an area where I'm not comfortable with
And regarding the self harm situation. I went into the toilet and did that, no one saw. I kept it to myself and it healed and I haven't done it since. My doctor also knows about that, and the psychologist.
People with OCD and health anxiety always self test, it's part of it.
You see people here cutting their poo open with things, people who are jumping on one leg, touching their nose with one finger. Scratching their leg to check for numb spots, pinching, poking.
At some point during an obsession most if not every member on here has done some form of obsessive self testing during a bad cycle. But that's the nature of this curse isn't it??
The OCD behaviour is one of the hardest most traumatising parts of it to deal with. Well in my case it is. The compulsions are frightening.
Fish I use my phone to access this site, I'm not sat on a computer all day. I do come on here a lot but it certainly isn't 8 hours a day. It probably shows in logged on when I'm not even on the page because I stay logged in all the time, I never sign out. My plan is to show this thread to the psychologist. Because part of my OCD is seeking reassurance here.
I'm so very sorry, Scass, I didn't mean to suggest that and the last thing I'd want to do is hurt you.
My anxiety was a factor in my not having children, but that was a personal decision and I shouldn't have raised it here. I do worry for Chloe's kids because her self-testing has occasionally tipped towards self-harm, but that's one specific factor.
Don’t be sorry, it’s absolutely your right to choose and you don’t have to explain it. You’ve also had a lot more to do with OP than me.
It’s good to worry about peoples children, I just don’t like the assumptions by some people that MH issues make you a bad parent. Maybe it’s too close to home, I don’t know.
I certainly don't think it's a given that people with MH issues would be bad parents.
My mother was also anxious, and her anxiety tended to spill over and curdle into anger. It's a trait I've noticed in myself, and one I'm constantly trying to erase.
If pushed to explain, I'd say that insight and self-awareness are what matter. I don't think Mum would ever think there was anything wrong with her despite her raging racism.
You don’t know OP though, you only know what you see here and what she chooses to show you. I believe she has severe anxiety and a lot of stuff going on, but I see no real proof of bad parenting. However, if she is receiving help, then I applaud her for getting it, and I’m grateful her children are too. We should not be judging people with mental health issues here, we are a support and advice forum. If she chooses to listen to advice then that’s great, but if she doesn’t then walk away. Don’t let her experiences trigger your bad memories. She is not the same person that you lived with.
Honestly if we’re all suggesting that people with anxiety shouldn’t have children then I’m going to have to leave the forum.
I agree entirely Scass with all you've written. (and wrote similar sentiments above)
Again, isn't it interesting that when truly challenged, the OP writes logically and cohesively as a different person all together. As far as getting help? We've seen this several times through the years and something always came up to throw a wrench in the gears. I'll BIWISI.
.I certainly don't agree that in any shape or form NMP are responsible or should be involved in individual assessements or action. I am no longer replying to Chloe personally about her mental health - but I had to comment on this, as its wrong to suggest that 1. Just because someone is more 'vocal' on here that they are risking their children and 2. That this should be an unsafe place, where people have information fed back to agencies and authorities. I'm sure that doesn't happen.
You have a valid point. I'm just very concerned. Like who was with the children when she went off to A&E? As I posted, I personally saw the effects my ex's mental illness had on my children. There were times she was so depressed and incapacitated that she literally couldn't get out of bed. I was working full time and it was a constant worry that they were being taken care of. After we separated and divorced, I often had the children for much of the time and there were times I would go to the house and clean as she was just not capable. Thankfully, she finally did get help but it was a very challenging situation for sure!
FMP
And regarding the self harm situation. I went into the toilet and did that, no one saw. I kept it to myself and it healed and I haven't done it since. My doctor also knows about that, and the psychologist.
People with OCD and health anxiety always self test, it's part of it.
You see people here cutting their poo open with things, people who are jumping on one leg, touching their nose with one finger. Scratching their leg to check for numb spots, pinching, poking.
At some point during an obsession most if not every member on here has done some form of obsessive self testing during a bad cycle. But that's the nature of this curse isn't it??
The OCD behaviour is one of the hardest most traumatising parts of it to deal with. Well in my case it is. The compulsions are frightening.
Fish I use my phone to access this site, I'm not sat on a computer all day. I do come on here a lot but it certainly isn't 8 hours a day. It probably shows in logged on when I'm not even on the page because I stay logged in all the time, I never sign out. My plan is to show this thread to the psychologist. Because part of my OCD is seeking reassurance here.
I think you will have to be prepared for the psychologist to tell you not to use NMP whilst you are having professional therapy.
I asked about the children because as a single parent of young children it would be hard to go to A&E in the holidays.
Don’t be sorry, it’s absolutely your right to choose and you don’t have to explain it. You’ve also had a lot more to do with OP than me.
It’s good to worry about peoples children, I just don’t like the assumptions by some people that MH issues make you a bad parent. Maybe it’s too close to home, I don’t know.
There are plenty of really bad parents who don't have MH issues but are just self-centred and unloving. I can't see you as anything other than a devoted and caring mum, Scass.
I think you will have to be prepared for the psychologist to tell you not to use NMP whilst you are having professional therapy.
I asked about the children because as a single parent of young children it would be hard to go to A&E in the holidays.
My children were at a club that day with their friends. That's why I took the opportunity to go. They went from morning till late afternoon so it gave me plenty of time to get there and back
Hi guys, sooo I have been in contact with Chloe since I first told her to get a grip of herself and it caused outrage. I have told her again today to get a grip of herself before she gets locked up as now she is worried that all these sensations are coming from her brain. What I do have to say from my observation is that she is a warm, caring and loving person and a good parent. Unfortunately she has been dealt a shitty hand but is also a victim of her own poor choices. Her youngest child’s father is a manipulative abuser and in my opinion it’s him that’s causing this absolute breakdown of logic and rationality with her. She’s just projecting everything done to her on to her health. I understand everyone’s anger towards her because I admit she’s angered me. I felt extreme irritation when I seen she had been seeking reassurance from me on the telephone and also on here which I didn’t realise she was doing as I have stayed off nmp lately. However she does look after her children and well at that. Chloe has gone beyond medication at this point and needs a serious reality check maybe in a short stay in hospital form. I think however we should all just abstain from talking about the kids at this point they are safe and well cared for x
WorryRaptor
19-04-22, 15:01
Hi guys, sooo I have been in contact with Chloe since I first told her to get a grip of herself and it caused outrage. I have told her again today to get a grip of herself before she gets locked up as now she is worried that all these sensations are coming from her brain. What I do have to say from my observation is that she is a warm, caring and loving person and a good parent. Unfortunately she has been dealt a shitty hand but is also a victim of her own poor choices. Her youngest child’s father is a manipulative abuser and in my opinion it’s him that’s causing this absolute breakdown of logic and rationality with her. She’s just projecting everything done to her on to her health. I understand everyone’s anger towards her because I admit she’s angered me. I felt extreme irritation when I seen she had been seeking reassurance from me on the telephone and also on here which I didn’t realise she was doing as I have stayed off nmp lately. However she does look after her children and well at that. Chloe has gone beyond medication at this point and needs a serious reality check maybe in a short stay in hospital form. I think however we should all just abstain from talking about the kids at this point they are safe and well cared for x
Sar, you're right, it's probably for the best. While objectively, the contents of this thread paints a picture that could concern people, we don't really know Chloe at all, and can't/shouldn't pass judgement about her life. Without context, it's easy to jump to conclusions.
I really hope she is able to get the help she needs, but I genuinely don't think this forum is a good place for her to be right now. Perhaps Chloe could consider taking a break from this place for a while. I'm not sure if you can put a temp ban on yourself or not, but maybe getting away from all of this can help her focus on getting better.
Hi guys, sooo I have been in contact with Chloe since I first told her to get a grip of herself and it caused outrage. I have told her again today to get a grip of herself before she gets locked up as now she is worried that all these sensations are coming from her brain. What I do have to say from my observation is that she is a warm, caring and loving person and a good parent. Unfortunately she has been dealt a shitty hand but is also a victim of her own poor choices. Her youngest child’s father is a manipulative abuser and in my opinion it’s him that’s causing this absolute breakdown of logic and rationality with her. She’s just projecting everything done to her on to her health. I understand everyone’s anger towards her because I admit she’s angered me. I felt extreme irritation when I seen she had been seeking reassurance from me on the telephone and also on here which I didn’t realise she was doing as I have stayed off nmp lately. However she does look after her children and well at that. Chloe has gone beyond medication at this point and needs a serious reality check maybe in a short stay in hospital form. I think however we should all just abstain from talking about the kids at this point they are safe and well cared for x
Sar, my experiences with Chloe have been the same as yours. I find her a genuinely likeable person and wish I could have been more helpful. Unfortunately, though, I think that all we've both been doing while she's in her current state is feeding her unending need for reassurance.
I really hope she's able to get herself out of this with help from trained professionals, but it's been hard for me to open myself up and talk about how I made it out the other side only to be dismissed and rebuffed.
I think there has been 'fire fighting' going on here (NMP) for years with Chloe's situation, and to be honest I think if she hadn't had endless replies (which I have taken part in as well, of course) she would (and possibly is) getting to the point of having to reach out and use the professionals instead. Sometimes you have to reach the absolute bottom of the pit, the worst place, to find a way back up. My opinion is that we shouldn't be discussing Chloe's health with her at all, but only the outcome from professional meetings, work set, medication given and everything related to recovery and trying to recover. Anything we say here has been said before countless times, and it is a waste of our time (and I don't say this in an angry way - but if anything was going to work it would have by now) as for some reason she is resistant to it. Its not our place to diagnose or set treatment plans in place, and when other members get drained continually its not good for everybody else either. This is beyond what a 'self help forum' can be helpful with, clearly.
Sar, you're right, it's probably for the best. While objectively, the contents of this thread paints a picture that could concern people, we don't really know Chloe at all, and can't/shouldn't pass judgement about her life. Without context, it's easy to jump to conclusions.
I really hope she is able to get the help she needs, but I genuinely don't think this forum is a good place for her to be right now. Perhaps Chloe could consider taking a break from this place for a while. I'm not sure if you can put a temp ban on yourself or not, but maybe getting away from all of this can help her focus on getting better.
I think Chloe deffo needs time away from forum as she has freely admitted to me that she is using it as a symptom diary kind of thing. I know she doesn’t do it purposefully but in my opinion she is developing strong ocd like symptoms and the only way to fight that is to refrain from doing it. I also hope she can get the help she needs as she really does need it now x
Hey Blue darling how are you ? I fear your right. We have been feeding her dragon. I will not be discussing an health issues with her in future. Happy to be her friend as I genuinely like her as a person but I won’t be discussing anything like that with her. I understand the irritation she has caused as it caused me irritation reading this thread that I didn’t know had been continuing and she hasn’t mentioned. 🙄 I’m not sure what’s the nexts step in regards to treatment for Chlo, I will phone her later and see what action plan has been put in place because this CANNOT go on x
I think there has been 'fire fighting' going on here (NMP) for years with Chloe's situation, and to be honest I think if she hadn't had endless replies (which I have taken part in as well, of course) she would (and possibly is) getting to the point of having to reach out and use the professionals instead. Sometimes you have to reach the absolute bottom of the pit, the worst place, to find a way back up. My opinion is that we shouldn't be discussing Chloe's health with her at all, but only the outcome from professional meetings, work set, medication given and everything related to recovery and trying to recover. Anything we say here has been said before countless times, and it is a waste of our time (and I don't say this in an angry way - but if anything was going to work it would have by now) as for some reason she is resistant to it. Its not our place to diagnose or set treatment plans in place, and when other members get drained continually its not good for everybody else either. This is beyond what a 'self help forum' can be helpful with, clearly.
Hey Cary’s, completely agree with everything you say. Chlo it seems to me is unusually resistant to the usual help. I think her behaviours are really deeply entrenched. I think she will end up having a spell in a unit if it goes on much longer myself personally. As really what can her gp do. He’s got an uphill task here hasn’t he? Medication after medication, lots of cbt and none of its working. It’s really the next step I should of imagined ? Anyway as I said to blue I’m gonna continue to stay in contact as I really do genuinely like her and we actually end up having a good laugh on the phone and on some level I ‘get’ her but I’m not going to discuss health or anything like with her unless it’s to talk about what we are doing to combat it xx
Thanks Sarah for your messages on here.
I am really struggling still.
I obviously thought the MRI would help me but I'm still feeling the numbness sensations around the saddle area.
The hospital didn't do blood work unfortunately. So that's concerning me, I'm also now concerned this could be an issue with the brain as Sar said.
I had my appointment yesterday with the psychiatrist. He diagnosed me officially with health anxiety and he is prescribing me a tablet called Escitalopram which I'm starting this week.
That's a good start, Chlo. I started with Escitalopram myself for a good while before they moved me to Fluoxetine and I really think it did help me. Is the psychiatrist also helping you with therapy/coping type stuff or are you seeing someone else for that piece?
Hey poppy. Did you have any side effects with the Escitalopram? I'm nervous to take it.
I've been given a mental health care coordinator who is supporting me, she can help with me with coping and come and visit me when I need her too. She's coming tomorrow.
I went to the doctors again today, this was a different lady but she said that usually with symptoms in that area they would only scan the spine, not the brain. As if there is symptoms in that area it would be the spine that would be the issue not the brain. She said that she was confident the symptoms would go with the medication and that I needed to start it as soon as possible.
I also spoke to her about my period and she checked my cervix and said it looked healthy.
She did a swab to test for any infections too.
She said the most important thing I had said during our conversation was that I haven't had my smear so she booked that for me too.
It will be much better for you to contact your MH care coordinator from now on when you need to talk about perceived symptoms/HA rather than symptom dump on here or visit the GP again. She will keep you on the straight and narrow and can help to keep you focused on recovery as opposed to being enabled on here seeking reassurance.
You need to be brave now and start the escitalopram.
Yes, start the escitalopram. I did have symptoms the first few weeks - mainly I just felt more anxious than normal. My doctor gave me something to take as-needed to help combat that and a few times I did, but really it was manageable and that + some therapy had me feeling a lot better. I do still have blips sometimes but overall even those aren't as bad as they previously were.
Maybe based on the situation, it would be best to stop responding entirely and force Chloe to seek help in real life. Any response, even as simple as "..." is feeding her dragon :shrug:
FMP
It would be nice to continue to talk about my new medication and how I'm feeling while going on it, maybe not so much the symptoms.
I'm just updating as I go with what's happening
I got the medication wrong, I've been prescribed something called duloxetine. Not sure how I mis heard that
I think thats fair enough - this is all part of the 'journey' and we can keep reminding Chloe to go down the right route and hear about her PROGRESS ;)
My children were at a club that day with their friends. That's why I took the opportunity to go. They went from morning till late afternoon so it gave me plenty of time to get there and back
So you knew that you wouldn't be kept in then?
Interesting this because I always went in the full confidence that I would be kept in.:huh: (I never was)
So you knew that you wouldn't be kept in then?
Interesting this because I always went in the full confidence that I would be kept in.:huh: (I never was)
At the time I did, when I was waiting for my results I was thinking there would be something wrong and I would be, in that instance I've got a friend that can pick my kids up. Thankfully the MRI was all clear
Thankfully the MRI was all clear
Absolutely unsurprisingly and 100 percent expectedly the MRI was clear.
Have you started your new meds, how are they going ?
Thankfully the MRI was all clear
Given your history, that was always going to be the most likely outcome lovely. And it would be good if it was some use to you but clearly it's not given you reassurance as you still think there's something wrong - as is the nature with health anxiety.
I function with autism, panic disorder, OCD, GAD, OMD (no wait, that's an 80s band) numerous physical shittities (not an actual word) and I have a back story that most folk wouldn't want so it's not been exactly easy for me to control health anxiety either, but I did it and I still am controlling it very nicely ta..:shades:
I went on holiday this week and my brain remembered all those other panic attacks I've had on previous holidays so it gave me one at 2am on the first night. Did it bother me? Nah. I went downstairs, threw open the windows and listened to the seagulls who were surprisingly active? Half and hour later I was back in bed snuggled under my heated blanket. I had one attack all week as opposed to the holidays I had when I was mentally unwell with HA and I was experiencing multiple attacks a night and dragging my family home three days early or not going at all..
My point is that the mind will always try to lie to us, and especially with people who have OCD. I took my OCD with me. My checking habit doesn't take a holiday but I function with it (so I cope) and my checking habit cancels out my dozy husband's habit of leaving things on or unlocked so it works quite well for us. :yesyes:
I had my usual OCD thoughts but I recognise them for what they are, thoughts, not reality.
I took everything else with me too. One suitcase for my clothes, one for all my shit.
I spent the first few days taking my opioid medication (fun where cliffs are involved ha) and using my heat-pad for abdominal pain. I know I am intolerant to gluten so dickhead me had some toast the day before we came away. :whistles:
I've had two migraines on holiday and was in bed most of yesterday when we came back. So I took all my crap with me but I still had a great time. That's because I didn't take fear with me. Thing is, I've had to accept that I have these physical & mental problems, and me being autistic isn't going change unless I have a brain transplant.:unsure: So the only option I have is to accept everything and live as best I can. This is my choice. I choose to stick the proverbial V's up to it all and as a result life sucks less than it could do. This is what you need to do Chloe. Go full on Liam Gallagher with your health anxiety. Give it a bucket hat and start elongating your Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa's. Stare at it like it's something you trod in on the carpet. THINK: What would Liam do? :shades:
You are taking fear everywhere with you and while you are physically present when you're with your kids and looking after their physical needs etc, you are not there emotionally. You're on auto-pilot. You cannot possibly be experiencing this level of fear and anxiety and be emotionally/mentally present for your children. I wasn't with my son. The mind cannot be two places at once. Your mind is generally in a fearfully imagined future or focused on a symptom. You are hyper-focused on your body and misinterpreting normal bodily functions for illness and disease. When you're not actively focused on your body, you are on here seeking reassurance or at the doctors, or A & E and even a trip to A&E isn't enough to reassure you is it? And I get it because this was me a few years ago.
Only difference is that I never posted on here. I was a lurker and chronic Googler and I was invariably close to tears (or full-in blubbing) convincing myself of my imminent demise. You won't find any threads started by me on here but I was soaking up other people's symptoms & seeking reassurance elsewhere, asking people, 'Have you ever had this?' And my 'ailment' was always different. I was a but-er. 'Yes, but, mine is....' Nothing anybody said could placate me. And I kept going until my mind couldn't take anymore and then I couldn't function. I sat in a chair all day long. I say 'in' a chair. I sat on the edge of it, rocking. One of my normal stims is a very gentle rocking action. It soothes me. This wasn't that one. This was full-on manic - arms wrapped around myself as a self-made strait jacket - rocking with intermittent retching. I watched those seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn to hours and every minute felt like an hour. I couldn't eat. I lost 2 stone. My husband had to do everything because I couldn't do anything. He had to take & pick our son up from school and work. And I had no understanding of the strain this placed on him. I only see that now.
Thankfully, you're not there. Not yet. But keep this up my lovely and you will be..
You are ill. Just not in the way that you think. You have my empathy. This is a terrible place to be and only those who've been there will understand you. Similarly, only those who have been there and got themselves out will understand how best to help you, like not enabling you with the reassurance seeking and though this feels cruel to you at this time, one day you might see it as a kindness..
I will say the same thing over and over and over. There is only one way to effectively control HA and that's to accept illness as a possibility (though we can choose to look after ourselves as best we can) and death as a certainty. In this moment, you are alive. You're actually 'too' alive and that's the problem because you are functioning in survival mode (fight or flight) where all the symptoms and sensations are there to protect us but they are not meant to feel in any way pleasant. When I had my panic attack this week, I knew what was happening and why. There was no fear. And I turned the situation to my advantage. It was too early to see a sunrise but I got a seagulls and the ocean instead. You can get to this point too. You just need to tell yourself that you are going to get better. No ifs. No buts. No maybes. You are going to give this your all. And you have the strength to do this. I know you do, because it takes a great deal of strength to live like this.
I think you are an amazing lady Chloe and I believe you can turn this around. You need to believe it too..
There is only one way to effectively control HA and that's too accept illness as a possibility (though we can choose to look after ourselves as best we can) and death as a certainty. In this moment, you are alive.
I couldn't agree with you more - this is what I entirely believe.
Absolutely unsurprisingly and 100 percent expectedly the MRI was clear.
Have you started your new meds, how are they going ?
I took my first one today, and a Diazepam. He's given me 5mg of Diazepam to take two times a day.
I read a little bit about them and it says that the psychiatrist wants me to take 30mg for two weeks, then go up to 60mg after two weeks, and then to 90mg. I mean I haven't had a hideous allergic reaction yet and I took it a good 40 mins ago so that's a plus.
I mean I haven't had a hideous allergic reaction yet and I took it a good 40 mins ago so that's a plus.
:yesyes:
I'm having an anxiety attack. I took my meds yesterday and this morning I struggled to start urinating. I looked it up on the side effects and retention and struggling to start urine stream is a symptom. I can't handle bladder issues right now. I only took one tablet yesterday but I'm frightened, now I'm thinking I definitely do have a neurological problem
I'm having an anxiety attack. I took my meds yesterday and this morning I struggled to start urinating. I looked it up on the side effects and retention and struggling to start urine stream is a symptom. I can't handle bladder issues right now. I only took one tablet yesterday but I'm frightened, now I'm thinking I definitely do have a neurological problem
I told you that you would most likely experience side-effects. It's the medication. I had this problem. Speak to your GP and they will adjust your dose or put you onto another drug. You made the choice to medicate so you are going to have to cope with some side-effects Chloe. :shrug:
I told you that you would most likely experience side-effects. It's the medication. I had this problem. Speak to your GP and they will adjust your dose or put you onto another drug. You made the choice to medicate so you are going to have to cope with some side-effects Chloe. :shrug:
Hey Nora, do you think one tablet can do this?
Do you think I should stop taking them? Or can it be something that isn't health threatening?
Hey Nora, do you think one tablet can do this?
Do you think I should stop taking them? Or can it be something that isn't health threatening?
I know one tablet can do this. Your body is hyper-sensitive because of the level of anxiety you're experiencing. I took one tablet (different drug to you) and I literally couldn't wee so I was taken off them. With most people it's a matter of dose adjustment or using another drug. You do need to speak to a GP or pharmacist about this side effect if it's a problem.
Don't stop taking them without speaking to a GP or pharmacist.
I know one tablet can do this. Your body is hyper-sensitive because of the level of anxiety you're experiencing. I took one tablet (different drug to you) and I literally couldn't wee so I was taken off them. With most people it's a matter of dose adjustment or using another drug. You do need to speak to a GP or pharmacist about this side effect if it's a problem.
Don't stop taking them without speaking to a GP or pharmacist.
He has given me 30mg at the moment, my friend said just carry on with them and it may fade. It seems like every tablet I take I have to come off because of affects me badly. I had a lot of hopes pinned on this one :(
Maybe I should see how it goes, I can urinate it just takes a little while to get it going. Maybe I should give it a week or so?
He has given me 30mg at the moment, my friend said just carry on with them and it may fade.
30mg can be quite strong to start with in sensitive people. I was only on 10mg and I was having severe side effects.
It seems like every tablet I take I have to come off because of affects me badly. I had a lot of hopes pinned on this one :(
Maybe I should see how it goes, I can urinate it just takes a little while to get it going. Maybe I should give it a week or so?
There is a possibility that you have some chemical sensitivity if this is happening constantly. If so, you might have to try a few different meds and at much lower doses but you need to be talking to your GP.
You can absolutely 'see how it goes' but you don't have to suffer either. Medications are generally a case of trial and error. Dropping to a lower does (on your GP's instructions) might be better for you. It all depends how much of a problem this side effect is for you Chloe. I couldn't physically wee so it was a big problem. You can wee, it's just a bit slow. It's your call. Personally, I would be running this past my GP or a pharmacist as buggering about with anti-anxiety meds (or other kinds) without instruction can cause some really unpleasant symptoms..
30mg can be quite strong to start with in sensitive people. I was only on 10mg and I was having severe side effects.
There is a possibility that you have some chemical sensitivity if this is happening constantly. If so, you might have to try a few different meds and at much lower doses but you need to be talking to your GP.
You can absolutely 'see how it goes' but you don't have to suffer either. Medications are generally a case of trial and error. Dropping to a lower does (on your GP's instructions) might be better for you. It all depends how much of a problem this side effect is for you Chloe. I couldn't physically wee so it was a big problem. You can wee, it's just a bit slow. It's your call. Personally, I would be running this past my GP or a pharmacist as buggering about with anti-anxiety meds (or other kinds) without instruction can cause some really unpleasant symptoms..
What happened? Did they just take you off the med or did they have to take the urine out of your bladder? I will run it past the doctor as I don't want to get to the point that I cannot wee.
It just required a lot of concentration to get going, and yes it was a weaker stream once I did. And with my current fears it's exacerbating the worry and fear.
WorryRaptor
24-04-22, 13:33
It's sometimes used for people with stress related urinary incontinence so it would make sense that it might slow things down there for some people. It might just be a case of your body needing to adjust to it and find a normal baseline. Most medication will have some kind of side effect, especially if you're more aware of the possibility.
If you're concerned however, definitely see if your doctor can lower the dose for you, or try something else. When I took it, I was only on 20mg and the dose didn't go up, but that was about 15 years ago and guidance may have changed.
It's sometimes used for people with stress related urinary incontinence so it would make sense that it might slow things down there for some people. It might just be a case of your body needing to adjust to it and find a normal baseline. Most medication will have some kind of side effect, especially if you're more aware of the possibility.
If you're concerned however, definitely see if your doctor can lower the dose for you, or try something else. When I took it, I was only on 20mg and the dose didn't go up, but that was about 15 years ago and guidance may have changed.
I really hope so, it isn't nice. And with my triggers being anything bladder related it isn't helping me right now. I'm scared that I'm suddenly not going to be able to pee at all. Thankfully I can once it gets going but even then it isn't as strong of a stream. I just feel upset by it, it's a huge trigger for me.
I tried to contact the doctor and receptionist said today is just for emergency clinic so to call 111 which I don't want to do as they don't know how to deal with me medically with the anxiety.
My doctor isn't in until Wednesday, I think I will call my mental health support worker and tell her, she was with me at the appointment and she will be able to contact the psychiatrist and ask him what's best to do.
You need to make use of your support worker who is now involved in your care and who can liaise directly with your psychiatrist. If you target people on here you will be at risk of jumping on any comments they make based on their own experiences and coming to the wrong conclusions about your own situation.
You need to make use of your support worker who is now involved in your care and who can liaise directly with your psychiatrist. If you target people on here you will be at risk of jumping on any comments they make based on their own experiences and coming to the wrong conclusions about your own situation.
As I posted previously, at this point, any response, even something as simple as a "...", will feed Chloe's dragon. As the recent posts affirm, posting about medication and progress etc. are just an opportunity and excuse to symptom dump and seek reassurance.
The reality is, in this medium, regardless, there will always be momma and papa bears to feed her. I truly hope those momma and papa bears currently replying will recognize the reality of this situation and take the opportunity to truly help her and starve her dragon :whistles: Hopefully, that will force her to face her challenges head on and finally make progress.
FMP
Did they just take you off the med
Yes, but my reactions are swift - generally after the first tablet or a single use of a cream etc. I am so sensitive that I react to the lowest dose of most medications but I also have fibromyalgia.
You appear to be experiencing a known side-effect on a higher dose so it really is a case of wait until the side-effect eases off or get your meds reduced and build up to the 30mg. Given the level of your anxiety and this being health anxiety, I'd be inclined to speak to your GP to get it lowered. As I said, medicating is a case of trial and error. GP's will start people on a dose which will suit some people but not others. Some will need to go higher, others lower. Only you know what you can cope with so you need to work with your GP here to get the best from your medication.
Problem is that your health anxiety means that you are making a connection between your neurological fear and this side-effect when the two are completely separate. One is a thought, not reality. The other is a known side-effect of the medication you are taking. For me, it's a no brainer. You're far too anxious to be able to 'wait and see' as some side-effects can take up to 6 weeks to settle so I'd suggest speaking to your GP about a lower dose. Once your body is used to the drug, you can increase the dosage and it will be less of a shock to your system. It's all a matter of common sense, Chloe..
As I said before, don't do anything regarding your medication without speaking to your GP.
Yes, but my reactions are swift - generally after the first tablet or a single use of a cream etc. I am so sensitive that I react to the lowest dose of most medications but I also have fibromyalgia.
You appear to be experiencing a known side-effect on a higher dose so it really is a case of wait until the side-effect eases off or get your meds reduced and build up to the 30mg. Given the level of your anxiety and this being health anxiety, I'd be inclined to speak to your GP to get it lowered. As I said, medicating is a case of trial and error. GP's will start people on a dose which will suit some people but not others. Some will need to go higher, others lower. Only you know what you can cope with so you need to work with your GP here to get the best from your medication.
Problem is that your health anxiety means that you are making a connection between your neurological fear and this side-effect when the two are completely separate. One is a thought, not reality. The other is a known side-effect of the medication you are taking. For me, it's a no brainer. You're far too anxious to be able to 'wait and see' as some side-effects can take up to 6 weeks to settle so I'd suggest speaking to your GP about a lower dose. Once your body is used to the drug, you can increase the dosage and it will be less of a shock to your system. It's all a matter of common sense, Chloe..
As I said before, don't do anything regarding your medication without speaking to your GP.
Thank you Nora.
So my urine output has been basically normal today? It took me a couple of seconds to start but nothing like yesterday, how odd??
I'm hoping it was just a little shock to the system but now I'm on my third tablet it's calmed down. And yea it definitely is common sense to attribute it to the tablets, but my paranoia is at an all time high right now. I was going to call the doctor today but as it's eased I think I'll see how I go
And yea it definitely is common sense to attribute it to the tablets, but my paranoia is at an all time high right now. I was going to call the doctor today but as it's eased I think I'll see how I go
This is really good work Chloe. You are highly anxious (and paranoid) but you are also being rational here, otherwise you'd have been on the blower to your GP regardless. Your system is getting used to the medication and the symptom is easing off. It's logical. Well done mate. X
Good work Chloe on 'going with the flow' - so to speak :yesyes:
Seriously, this is fantastic progress!
Thank you so much :) :) :)
I've been on my medication now for a week, it seems to be okay, the urination issue has gone. But I've done something silly that has made me panicked and weighed myself. I weigh 8 stone and 8 pounds, I'm 5'6. I've definitely lost weight. My friend said stress and I am stressed and I haven't been eating like I should be. I'm just worried cancer is ravaging my body and losing me the weight.
When I'm anxious my appetite is affected. I lost quite a lot of weight last year when I was feeling terrible. Once my anxiety levels were more manageable my appetite improved and I now weigh more than I did before I went through my bad patch.
As you start to feel calmer things will improve.
Don’t let your anxiety take over logic.
you have been under tremendous stress and anxiety. of course you are going to lose weight.
A couple of years ago my elderly mother broke her hip , my sister had a cancer scare and my anxiety hit the roof. I lost over two stone in a very short time. I was eating pretty much as normal but it was being burned off by sheer stress.
Needless to say, I have put it all back on again:weep:
Pamplemousse
03-05-22, 23:17
I've been on my medication now for a week, it seems to be okay, the urination issue has gone. But I've done something silly that has made me panicked and weighed myself. I weigh 8 stone and 8 pounds, I'm 5'6. I've definitely lost weight. My friend said stress and I am stressed and I haven't been eating like I should be. I'm just worried cancer is ravaging my body and losing me the weight.
Nope, your friend's spot on - it's your anxiety. I went down this very rabbit hole about three years ago, convinced I'd got pancreatic cancer. I lost over a stone in about three weeks which, as someone who's now 18st 12lbs was far more noticeable than you might think - it went from around my face. I had lots of people saying "oh, have you lost weight? It suits you" and me "wanting to scream "YES! AND I'M DYING FROM CANCER!"
It wasn't, of course. It was absolutely nothing.
It's not a diet I recommend either...
It's not a diet I recommend either...
Me neither. I lost two stone on this diet P. The weight flew off. All I had to do was think that I was dying and my body pumped out those stress hormones.
I keep worrying I need to get my bloods taken and checked. I hate waiting for results, that's part of the reason I go to A&E because you don't have to wait days for results. The idea of my phone ringing and them saying I need to go in urgently really frightens me. I am trying to eat better consciously now so I put some weight on. But it's hard with all the other stress regarding my youngest daughter.
I keep trying to tell myself if I was super sick I wouldn't be able to do my normal everyday things which I can still do. But yeah it's hard work arguing with my brain.
Im increasing my Duloxetine tomorrow to 60mg
I feel awful today, I'm so scared I'm too skinny.
My mum said I'm fine and she would know if it was falling off me loads. I'm just scared I have cancer somewhere
Pamplemousse
07-05-22, 17:02
From the details you've given away on here, the NHS classifies you as a "healthy weight".
So please don't worry.
I hate waiting for results, that's part of the reason I go to A&E because you don't have to wait days for results.
I think I went to A&E three times during my illness. I only needed to be there once (I was ambulanced there) but the other occasions I was convinced I would die there. I was going there to die, not get a test result quicker..
Blood tests at the docs are back within a couple of days now generally. You need to stop using A&E as a fast-tracking for results, Chloe. It's part of the problem of why the NHS isn't working as it should for those who need, when they need it.
The idea of my phone ringing and them saying I need to go in urgently really frightens me.
How many times has that happened to you in reality?
I keep trying to tell myself if I was super sick I wouldn't be able to do my normal everyday things which I can still do. But yeah it's hard work arguing with my brain.
Im increasing my Duloxetine tomorrow to 60mg
Sod 'super sick' mate. I picked up a bug from my germ-machine grandchildren last weekend and I haven't been out the house all week, and I was in bed for three of those. I can't eat properly. I'm weak. I've only just washed my hair (since last Sat) I'm still not anywhere near back to my 'normal'. So, if you are able to do everyday things without issue, then you're fine. (physically speaking, anyway)
I take it that the increase to 60mgs is under your docs instruction?
I think I went to A&E three times during my illness. I only needed to be there once (I was ambulanced there) but the other occasions I was convinced I would die there. I was going there to die, not get a test result quicker..
Blood tests at the docs are back within a couple of days now generally. You need to stop using A&E as a fast-tracking for results, Chloe. It's part of the problem of why the NHS isn't working as it should for those who need, when they need it.
How many times has that happened to you in reality?
Sod 'super sick' mate. I picked up a bug from my germ-machine grandchildren last weekend and I haven't been out the house all week, and I was in bed for three of those. I can't eat properly. I'm weak. I've only just washed my hair (since last Sat) I'm still not anywhere near back to my 'normal'. So, if you are able to do everyday things without issue, then you're fine. (physically speaking, anyway)
I take it that the increase to 60mgs is under your docs instruction?
Sorry you have been poorly Nora, bugs are just horrible. I just feel scared all of the time of my body, and how or what it's doing that I can't see. But I'm also scared of 'tests' so it's like a catch 22. I do agree with you about going to A&E, I know it shouldn't be the option I take. I could have bloods done but the fear of a horrible phone call or results it makes me want to avoid it. I have to go for my smear test today and I'm so scared about it. About the results, about what test itself. I've had to take a diazepam to take some of the edge off. I had a Leep done on some irregular cells about a year ago so I'm praying the results are normal this time. I don't know if I can handle more medical stuff right now.
Yes the doctor said after two week increase to 60mg, so this is my second day on 60mg.
It hasn't happened before, but that little scary thought that it could. My bloods were fine last August but it's been a few months now. I wish they had done them at A&E. I might message my care coordinator and tell her how bad I'm feeling.
From the details you've given away on here, the NHS classifies you as a "healthy weight".
So please don't worry.
Thanks Pample, I looked at that too but it said to keep and eye on my weight which scared me. But I haven't been eating and under so much stress. I'm making sure to eat as best I can now
I have to go for my smear test today and I'm so scared about it. About the results, about what test itself.
Mine have gone to five years now. That's the only action I get these days. :roflmao:
I had a Leep done on some irregular cells about a year ago so I'm praying the results are normal this time.
My mum had some dodgy cells but the next smear was clear..
I might message my care coordinator and tell her how bad I'm feeling.
Good idea.
Mine have gone to five years now. That's the only action I get these days. :roflmao:
My mum had some dodgy cells but the next smear was clear..
Good idea.
It's all done now, so two week wait for the results urgh. It was fine though, it was really fast actually and didn't hurt.
Talking about action my sex drive has still gone, not that it matters as I'm single anyway but still.
I'm proud I did my smear though as I've been putting it off due to anxiety and I did it which I'm proud of myself for
Talking about action my sex drive has still gone, not that it matters as I'm single anyway but still.
Anxiety will do that mate. It can also go the other way. Plus, meds can mess with libido..
I'm proud I did my smear though as I've been putting it off due to anxiety and I did it which I'm proud of myself for
Really well done lovely. Proud of ya. The test doesn't hurt and it's done in super quick time, but a lot of women do get anxious about them - even those who don't have HA. I never have, weirdly. I quite like my smears & bum cams. :roflmao:
Anxiety will do that mate. It can also go the other way. Plus, meds can mess with libido..
Really well done lovely. Proud of ya. The test doesn't hurt and it's done in super quick time, but a lot of women do get anxious about them - even those who don't have HA. I never have, weirdly. I quite like my smears & bum cams. :roflmao:
Im hoping it's just that, I've never had it happen before I don't think, I can't remember to be honest. My anxiety has just been one long trail for over a year.
I finished my period two days and again I've just been to the toilet and I've wiped and there is old brown blood. I don't understand why my period keeps doing that for the last three months.
I've got the period problems
The no sexual drive and I automatically think it's cancer
I don't understand why my period keeps doing that for the last three months.
Mine always did that at the end of a period. It's simply old blood that's been slow to leave the uterus. Peri-menopausal women also get this..
The no sexual drive and I automatically think it's cancer
My dad had cancer and he still wanted to get it on with my mum (shudders at the thought) so low (or no) libido with cancer isn't a given Chloe.
My libido has been on floor level for years but constant pain, stress, and ya lady bits buggering off due to lack of collagen - will do that.
Nobody has told you you have cancer. There is no proof to back up your thoughts. I had period problems from the age of 11 right up until they stopped at the age of 39. I don't have cancer.
I don't understand why my period keeps doing that for the last three months.
Errr dunno, do you think it could be that periods are VERY COMMONLY affected by intense and unrelenting anxiety ? What do you think - Hmmmmmmm ?
Thank you guys. My period has ended and so far no more bleeding so I'm really hoping it will be okay this month.
But I've done the smear test so will just have to wait for results and hope it's okay.
And no that's it, no one has told me I have cancer but it's always there as a thought that I do. Today when I breathe in I keep getting a pain in my upper back in the middle and at the front. It's only when I breathe in but my health anxiety is going crazy with it. I'm feeling really tired and I'm not sure if it's increasing to 60mg of this medication.
I just feel lost
I'm hoping it's muscle related. I just panic about blood clots, well I panic about everything really but I'm just hoping it's muscular. Every ache or pain or feeling sends me on over drive.
The patronizing, sarcasm and frustration displayed in this thread seems to have done nothing but inflame the anxiety as well as provide on opportunity for all involved to be strung along. Granted it can be extremely annoying.
The patronizing, sarcasm and frustration displayed in this thread seems to have done nothing but inflame the anxiety as well as provide on opportunity for all involved to be strung along. Granted it can be extremely annoying.
Is that aimed at me personally?
Hey guys. I'm struggling. I'm always honest on here about how I'm feeling regardless of how many people want to strangle me.
I went to the toilet yesterday and my new meds are causing some constipation, well I was sat on the toilet and I had that weird feeling that I couldn't feel stool passing through as much as I should be. The same thing has happened again this morning. I'm also again having the fizzing sensation around my 'area' this morning.
I keep looking at myself in the mirror and comparing myself to a year ago and I don't look like the same person, even a few months ago before this all started.
My doctor told me the only test they would do for my symptoms is a lower back and sacrum MRI, not a brain scan or anything else. I'm trying to accept this but deep down I'm fighting a daily battle with these thoughts. My weight loss is bothering me and triggering me. I feel like I might even have a blood cancer or I'm just unwell. I can't cope with the wait for blood tests results, and I'm battling with myself so hard. I have increased my Duloxetine to 60mg but honestly it doesn't really feel like I'm taking an anti depressant. I don't really 'feel' anything apart from the constipation and the urine issue at the start. I don't know what I want from this post I'm just in the darkest place. Surviving day by day and not really being here.
I'm trying to distract myself daily, so throwing myself into things with the kids and going out to my friends, even simple stuff like going to Tesco with her for a walk around. I'm struggling so much, and there are so many horror stories at the moment with people dying from cancer that I keep seeing. It's a constant trigger.
You would think the MRI would reassure me and it has to an extent but I don't feel better, I don't feel 'happy' I'm still scared of the unknown, still scared of my body and what it's doing. The mental battle is exhausting
Hey guys. I'm struggling. I'm always honest on here about how I'm feeling regardless of how many people want to strangle me.
Nobody wants to strangle you mate..
I went to the toilet yesterday and my new meds are causing some constipation, well I was sat on the toilet and I had that weird feeling that I couldn't feel stool passing through as much as I should be. The same thing has happened again this morning. I'm also again having the fizzing sensation around my 'area' this morning.
I mean, I can't tell you exactly what this is but I can tell you that it's happened to me for years now. I remember telling my doctor (about 6 years ago) that I couldn't feel myself passing a stool. Because I was very unwell with HA at the time, it freaked me out. I don't even remember the response from the doctor. But I had a colonoscopy a year later and nothing was found. My theory is that it is a mechanical issue due to my years of straining, and it doesn't happen all the time.. I get a fizzing sensation around my bits, and also in my bum cheeks. This can be as simple as the way I'm sitting as I naturally put more weight onto my left side than right but sensations like this are common with the stress response..
I keep looking at myself in the mirror and comparing myself to a year ago and I don't look like the same person, even a few months ago before this all started.
You will look like the same person to everybody else. This is simply a distortion of a tired mind, Chloe. You will look scared, because you are. But you're still you.
My doctor told me the only test they would do for my symptoms is a lower back and sacrum MRI, not a brain scan or anything else. I'm trying to accept this but deep down I'm fighting a daily battle with these thoughts. My weight loss is bothering me and triggering me.
The majority of people who experience severe anxiety lose weight. The more you worry about weight loss, the more weight you will lose. I lost 2 stone very quickly and I was convinced it was because I had cancer. I didn't have cancer. It was down to constantly stuck in the stress response...
I feel like I might even have a blood cancer or I'm just unwell.
The other (and most plausible) scenario is that there actually isn't anything physically wrong with you, Chloe.
However, I will throw something in here because I knew that something was happening with me other than anxiety. I had symptoms that anxiety couldn't explain and I was eventually diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - a very painful condition that's not life threatening but is life-affecting for sure..
I can't cope with the wait for blood tests results
I'm trying to distract myself daily, so throwing myself into things with the kids and going out to my friends, even simple stuff like going to Tesco with her for a walk around.
My dear girl, this is you coping...
I'm struggling so much, and there are so many horror stories at the moment with people dying from cancer that I keep seeing. It's a constant trigger.
You mean the lovely and inspirational Deborah James?
A few years ago I would have been triggered to shit by her story but not now. Now, all I see is a very brave and courageous woman who is making some very special memories in her remaining days. She's been made a Dame. Prince William dropped by to award this to her. How special is that? What a memory to have and to leave behind. I mean, she is facing death with so much grace that it's breath-taking and this will help other people to cope with their cancer or life-threatening diseases. It will also help people who are not ill at all. You are so consumed with health anxiety and fear that you are unable to see past this to the bigger picture, but one day I think you will see it as I do..
You would think the MRI would reassure me and it has to an extent but I don't feel better, I don't feel 'happy' I'm still scared of the unknown, still scared of my body and what it's doing. The mental battle is exhausting
What you want in order to feel 'safe' you cannot have. 100% certainty exists ONLY when it comes to death. Death has a 100% success rate. Nobody can ever give you a 100% guarantee with your health but they can give you confidence in their diagnosis. The ONLY way you will get out of this is to face what you fear, then accept your own mortality and allow people like Deborah James to show you how you can live amazingly - even when you are dying.
What you want in order to feel 'safe' you cannot have. 100% certainty exists ONLY when it comes to death. Death has a 100% success rate. Nobody can ever give you a 100% guarantee with your health but they can give you confidence in their diagnosis. The ONLY way you will get out of this is to face what you fear, then accept your own mortality and allow people like Deborah James to show you how you can live amazingly - even when you are dying.
Bravo again Norah !!!
Pamplemousse
16-05-22, 21:05
Thanks Pample, I looked at that too but it said to keep and eye on my weight which scared me. But I haven't been eating and under so much stress. I'm making sure to eat as best I can now
Sorry to come back to this so late. You're at the lower end of the BMI calculation but by your own admission you've not been eating properly, so I think both you and I know why you're thinner than perhaps you'd like to be. As I mentioned before, when I went into a tailspin thinking I'd got pancreatic cancer a few years ago I lost a lot of weight very quickly.
I (finally) got some of the results of some blood tests I had last week today and like a fool, I Googled the "abnormal" ones. However, the one that was 'scary' - well, I have a history of that one creeping up a little beyond the upper limit from time to time going back nearly twenty years so I have put that one to bed. So for once, I've contextualised it, seen it happens from time to time and thus realised it presents no threat to me. So I am easy with it.
Being able to do this personally has taken some effort (remember, I've had HA for 45 years), and I think you too can do the same.
Nobody wants to strangle you mate..
I mean, I can't tell you exactly what this is but I can tell you that it's happened to me for years now. I remember telling my doctor (about 6 years ago) that I couldn't feel myself passing a stool. Because I was very unwell with HA at the time, it freaked me out. I don't even remember the response from the doctor. But I had a colonoscopy a year later and nothing was found. My theory is that it is a mechanical issue due to my years of straining, and it doesn't happen all the time.. I get a fizzing sensation around my bits, and also in my bum cheeks. This can be as simple as the way I'm sitting as I naturally put more weight onto my left side than right but sensations like this are common with the stress response..
You will look like the same person to everybody else. This is simply a distortion of a tired mind, Chloe. You will look scared, because you are. But you're still you.
The majority of people who experience severe anxiety lose weight. The more you worry about weight loss, the more weight you will lose. I lost 2 stone very quickly and I was convinced it was because I had cancer. I didn't have cancer. It was down to constantly stuck in the stress response...
The other (and most plausible) scenario is that there actually isn't anything physically wrong with you, Chloe.
However, I will throw something in here because I knew that something was happening with me other than anxiety. I had symptoms that anxiety couldn't explain and I was eventually diagnosed with Fibromyalgia - a very painful condition that's not life threatening but is life-affecting for sure..
My dear girl, this is you coping...
You mean the lovely and inspirational Deborah James?
A few years ago I would have been triggered to shit by her story but not now. Now, all I see is a very brave and courageous woman who is making some very special memories in her remaining days. She's been made a Dame. Prince William dropped by to award this to her. How special is that? What a memory to have and to leave behind. I mean, she is facing death with so much grace that it's breath-taking and this will help other people to cope with their cancer or life-threatening diseases. It will also help people who are not ill at all. You are so consumed with health anxiety and fear that you are unable to see past this to the bigger picture, but one day I think you will see it as I do..
What you want in order to feel 'safe' you cannot have. 100% certainty exists ONLY when it comes to death. Death has a 100% success rate. Nobody can ever give you a 100% guarantee with your health but they can give you confidence in their diagnosis. The ONLY way you will get out of this is to face what you fear, then accept your own mortality and allow people like Deborah James to show you how you can live amazingly - even when you are dying.
Hey Nora,
Thank you for replying.
Yes you got it in one, Deborah James. She’s amazing, brave, there isn’t words to define her and all these other people with that outlook on life. I’m having to hide all the stories, even a photo of her is triggering me and I can’t bare to read much about her.
Everything you’re saying is right, but I can only feel my own consciousness, which makes me feel very alone when it comes to death.
I’ve almost been two weeks on the 60mg of Duloxetine and I’m feeling lightheaded a lot, I’m hoping it’s just the tablets but I haven’t been googling because I don’t want too go down the google hole. I don’t really know if the Duloxetine is actually helping me…
I keep wondering if I have MS, the years of weird symptoms, maybe it’s adding up to that. Did you ever have a brain scan when you were scared of MS Nora? My smear test came back normal, which thank goodness it did as I didn’t want to have to cope with a colposcopy at the moment. It’s the first time it’s been normal in three years.
This has been a year of just hell with health worries, and this one being the worst. I’m hoping the fizzing sensation is as you say similar to what you experienced. It’s just eating me. It actually went away Nora and the last two days it’s back a bit. My bottom is really sore at the moment because I think I have haemorrhoids. I feel absolutely awful in the mornings, my anxiety is horrific. I get the kids to school and I’m just sat rocking at the moment to try and soothe myself, I’ve taken diazepam.
A female doctor I saw, she said that she thought my symptoms were Psycomatic, she said the brain can actually almost disfunction and cause an area or body part to feel ‘weird’ she said she thought the Duloxetine would help me. She said at the hospital there is a specialist department for people who experience these things and they do treatment there for it. I wish I could believe it was, wouldn’t it be nice if there was just a switch we could press to turn off feeling frightened
Sorry to come back to this so late. You're at the lower end of the BMI calculation but by your own admission you've not been eating properly, so I think both you and I know why you're thinner than perhaps you'd like to be. As I mentioned before, when I went into a tailspin thinking I'd got pancreatic cancer a few years ago I lost a lot of weight very quickly.
I (finally) got some of the results of some blood tests I had last week today and like a fool, I Googled the "abnormal" ones. However, the one that was 'scary' - well, I have a history of that one creeping up a little beyond the upper limit from time to time going back nearly twenty years so I have put that one to bed. So for once, I've contextualised it, seen it happens from time to time and thus realised it presents no threat to me. So I am easy with it.
Being able to do this personally has taken some effort (remember, I've had HA for 45 years), and I think you too can do the same.
You’re braver than me pample. I can’t handle blood tests right now. I’m just carrying on day by day trying to cope. That’s really good you’re able to put it to bed and carry on. I actually cannot see a portal of results, I denied it because I would drive myself crazy with worry. And yes I would google too. I’m making sure to really eat now, and I hope the weight creeps on a bit
Pamplemousse
20-05-22, 10:23
You’re braver than me pample. I can’t handle blood tests right now. I’m just carrying on day by day trying to cope. That’s really good you’re able to put it to bed and carry on. I actually cannot see a portal of results, I denied it because I would drive myself crazy with worry. And yes I would google too. I’m making sure to really eat now, and I hope the weight creeps on a bit
For weight gain I recommend pizza and laziness, but with four little ones I don't think you'll have the chance of the latter!
I just hope that with the support you get from folk on here and any external help offered that you can work through this, I really do. I'm not brave at all, but I am taking some slight comfort from the fact that I haven't had any messages or letters from my GP practice asking me to arrange a telephone consultation - I'm assuming a GP has read and reviewed my results and has decided that there's nothing of concern in them.
Yes you got it in one, Deborah James. She’s amazing, brave, there isn’t words to define her and all these other people with that outlook on life. I’m having to hide all the stories, even a photo of her is triggering me and I can’t bare to read much about her.
I understand this. This was me a few years ago. I would have been massively triggered by Deborah's story. But I'm not now.
And my point is that there is no reason why this can't be you too.
Everything you’re saying is right, but I can only feel my own consciousness, which makes me feel very alone when it comes to death.
You feel alone, yet death is something that we will all go through? Death connects every single one of us. People are exiting this world as I type this. And newcomers are entering it. People need to die to make room for them. Sure, it would be great of we all reached our old age and died when we'd had enough but life isn't like that. This isn't Cocoon. There are no guarantees on how long we will live for but we can make better choices that will help us to stay alive longer. That said, shit happens. I've lived for 52 years. If I was a cricketer I'd have been clapped at 50. I'd have raised my bat then carried on with my innings. I might reach my century or I might get bowled out next ball. But right now, in this moment, I'm still in. I'm not out yet, and neither are you.
The reality is that you would most likely be very different if you were given months to live. Because this is what happens to people. They're given the news and while there may be a period of falling apart (understandable) most people come to accept it and they choose to make those last months/years count. That's what my Dad did. That's what my friend did. You are not in this situation, Chloe. Nobody has told you that you are dying. There is no evidence whatsoever. Doctors are telling you that this is a problem with your mind, not your body. You have to find a way to believe them.
I’ve almost been two weeks on the 60mg of Duloxetine and I’m feeling lightheaded a lot, I’m hoping it’s just the tablets but I haven’t been googling because I don’t want too go down the google hole. I don’t really know if the Duloxetine is actually helping me…
It generally takes up to six weeks for your body to settled down to the medication..
I keep wondering if I have MS, the years of weird symptoms, maybe it’s adding up to that. Did you ever have a brain scan when you were scared of MS Nora? My smear test came back normal, which thank goodness it did as I didn’t want to have to cope with a colposcopy at the moment. It’s the first time it’s been normal in three years.
I can't give you a 100% on this, but I am confident that you don't have MS, Chloe.
I had scans on my brain and all three areas of my spine. No MS. But they did find Cervical Spondylosis...(wear and tear)
My bottom is really sore at the moment because I think I have haemorrhoids.
What are you doing to alleviate the symptoms? Cream? Heat? Painkillers?
I feel absolutely awful in the mornings, my anxiety is horrific. I get the kids to school and I’m just sat rocking at the moment to try and soothe myself, I’ve taken diazepam.
You got the kids to school. I couldn't even do that. You're doing better than you think you are..
A female doctor I saw, she said that she thought my symptoms were Psycomatic, she said the brain can actually almost disfunction and cause an area or body part to feel ‘weird’ she said she thought the Duloxetine would help me. She said at the hospital there is a specialist department for people who experience these things and they do treatment there for it.
You understand what psychosomatic means? And as I've explained before, we can think ourselves into physical symptoms. Think nits. The moment those notes come home from school you can dare bet that literally everyone in the house starts itching (psychosomatic). Quite simply, real (and unharmful) symptoms are caused by your thoughts because this triggers the stress response - a very PHYSICAL response.
wouldn’t it be nice if there was just a switch we could press to turn off feeling frightened
There is. It's called the parasympathetic response and you trigger this by breathing properly. Then you work on challenging your thoughts. Then you work on accepting death as the absolute certainty that it is and the potential for illness, but that illness doesn't mean death..
And all of this takes a lot of time & effort, Chloe. The easiest thing is to keep on with the same narrative and keep wishing for somebody to wave a magic wand and this all go away...
No I know 😢 I’m just so scared all the time.
I’ve managed to put on two pounds!
But I’ve been feeling rough the last four days and got, my temp is 37.3 and in the other ear was 37.4 and now I’m so scared that I may have sepsis. I’ve felt poorly for a few days
Sepsis doesn't involve feeling poorly, it involves actively being at death's door. If you had sepsis you probably wouldn't be well enough to type on a forum.
WorryRaptor
23-05-22, 22:48
Sepsis doesn't involve feeling poorly, it involves actively being at death's door. If you had sepsis you probably wouldn't be well enough to type on a forum.
Yep this. Had sepsis, I was hallucinating, had a sky high fever, and barely had the strength to move my limbs. Chlobo, a temperature doesn't = sepsis. In-ear thermometers usually read a tad higher anyway. Mine is always around 37.3 - 37.5 on them.
You've probably just got a virus Chlobo. There are a lot of things out there including, but not exclusively Covid.
I currently have Covid (again). In my car I have a full NEWS (scoring for sepsis) kit. It's staying there, I know if I start taking my temperature/checking my blood oxygen levels etc I'll keep on doing it. Hell, when the pandemic started I took my temperature every morning for months.
I know it's hard but try and keep yourself busy and distract yourself.
I just feel so awful, I’m wondering could it be the increase in Duloxetine?
I have no energy, I feel hot. I’m spaced out and I just feel urgh gross.
I’m panicking about everything to do with my body. I never really take my temperature with an ear themometor, always an under the tongue one but I couldn’t resist the urge.
I weighed myself again today at my mums and her scales sad I’ve lost weight but my friends say I have gained. I just feel like absolute rubbish but I’m too scared to get a blood test so again my own choices are making it worse
You don't need another blood test, you need to carry on working on your anxiety and accept that it's going to be for the long haul.
I got horribly stressed about something last night (not HA-related) and needed to use my mindfulness techniques every five seconds or so for about five minutes.
Pamplemousse
25-05-22, 09:05
No I know 😢 I’m just so scared all the time.
I’ve managed to put on two pounds!
But I’ve been feeling rough the last four days and got, my temp is 37.3 and in the other ear was 37.4 and now I’m so scared that I may have sepsis. I’ve felt poorly for a few days
Chlobo, I watched my wife die from sepsis. When your temperature is 44 degrees, your blood pressure is through the floor and your organs are shutting down then I'll believe you have sepsis. She went from alive to dead in three days.
Just so you know.
Chlobo, I watched my wife die from sepsis. When your temperature is 44 degrees, your blood pressure is through the floor and your organs are shutting down then I'll believe you have sepsis. She went from alive to dead in three days.
Just so you know.
I’m sorry Pample 😢
My dad died from sepsis too..along with other things. I think you need to be careful about your choice of perceived illnesses, Chloe. These are sensitive issues for many of us.
My dad died from sepsis too..along with other things. I think you need to be careful about your choice of perceived illnesses, Chloe. These are sensitive issues for many of us.
Sorry to hear about your dad, P. That must have been awful for you and your family.. (and your dad, of course)
Unfortunately, someone's always going be triggered/ affected by people's perceived illnesses on here - either with their own health anxiety, from personal experience of having a particular illness, or knowing somebody who had the illness. It's especially sensitive for people who've lost a family member to that particular illness. It's frustrating (to say the least) when it's obvious that somebody has HA, and not a serious physical illness but, generally, those who have done their own battles with health anxiety will understand the mindset..
I'm sure Chloe never meant to trigger anybody (and I imagine she'll feel awful knowing that she has).
Triggering (and being triggered) is part of the nature of the HA beast and is inevitable on any anxiety forum. I get triggered frequently on here but have to accept this as best I can. It can be incredibly hard though and that's with my level of understanding with HA...
It doesn't actually affect me though. I know it's what happens with HA but it still needs to be challenged?
It doesn't actually affect me though.
Apologies P, I misinterpreted what you wrote.. (that'll teach me) :yesyes:
I know it's what happens with HA but it still needs to be challenged?
Yes, and this is as much for the benefit of the HAer as anyone else. But I also understand the behaviour having done it myself. I lurked on cancer forums which is pretty desperate. I cringe just thinking about it now.. Also, I'm constantly being triggered and sometimes I react to being triggered (as I did with Phil recently) but generally I accept that coming on here means that I am potentially going to be triggered and also that I will be triggering other people. It's the nature of MH forums innit?
You should see it on the autistic forums... we trigger the living shite out of each other. :scared15: :ohmy: (we need lots of time-outs and lie-downs) :)
I apologise if I upset anyone, it wasn’t meant too.
I cut my tablets down to 30mg again and the symptoms seem to have subsided. The heat feeling too. I think I’m going to have to speak to the psychologist about something else in regards to medication. I can’t handle feeling awful when I have four children to look after.
But today the glands in my neck hurt but they aren’t swollen, I feel rotten. I’m under immense amounts of stress in general life at the moment I’m not sure if this could contribute. I am getting really worried though. I haven’t felt ‘well’ since January when this first started
I haven’t felt ‘well’ since January when this first started
Chloe, it's the same narrative all the time..
I haven't felt well since 2008 but I haven't died yet (although sometimes I'm not entirely sure) :unsure: and it's a case of doing what I can to help myself. You have to learn how to do this too..
Have an awkward :hugs:from me. It is crap looking after kids when you don't feel well. I've just had a Tesco experience with my grumpy teen. My back is hurting, there's a threat of a migraine, and me laddo was seriously getting on my tits with his whinging about pushing the trolley for me. Dude's six feet tall! Thing is, it was his choice to go shopping, not mine. I'd have done it online but he likes Costa and he wanted to buy some stuff so muggins caved. I've also had two young boys to look after when I've been struggling with severe anxiety in the past so I understand how you feel. But you need to help yourself as much as you can. Try and change the narrative a bit. Try to re-frame. Try to think of one thing that's good about your day - even if it's a nice brew or one of those hilarious pictures that little kids draw - where arms come out of heads. So cute!
Again, you are handling this better than you give yourself credit for. You're still here, looking after your kids. You're still being a mum..
WorryRaptor
31-05-22, 13:46
I’m under immense amounts of stress in general life at the moment I’m not sure if this could contribute
Yes, it definitely can. In fact, it can be the sole cause of feeling like absolute shit.
Chloe, it's the same narrative all the time..
I haven't felt well since 2008 but I haven't died yet (although sometimes I'm not entirely sure) :unsure: and it's a case of doing what I can to help myself. You have to learn how to do this too..
Have an awkward :hugs:from me. It is crap looking after kids when you don't feel well. I've just had a Tesco experience with my grumpy teen. My back is hurting, there's a threat of a migraine, and me laddo was seriously getting on my tits with his whinging about pushing the trolley for me. Dude's six feet tall! Thing is, it was his choice to go shopping, not mine. I'd have done it online but he likes Costa and he wanted to buy some stuff so muggins caved. I've also had two young boys to look after when I've been struggling with severe anxiety in the past so I understand how you feel. But you need to help yourself as much as you can. Try and change the narrative a bit. Try to re-frame. Try to think of one thing that's good about your day - even if it's a nice brew or one of those hilarious pictures that little kids draw - where arms come out of heads. So cute!
Again, you are handling this better than you give yourself credit for. You're still here, looking after your kids. You're still being a mum..
Thanks Nora, it’s awful when you’re out and the kids aren’t cooperating. I’ve been really trying too, I took the kids to a show today, they have had a bug this week so it’s been sickness and diarrhoea which hasn’t been fun, but today was the first day they have all been well enough to do something. I felt physically okay until I went up to 60mg on my Duloxetine (cymbalta) I then started feeling awful and thought it may be the drug so I went back down to 30mg. The last couple of days I missed a tablet because I thought well if I’m going to start something new I may as well come off them. I had awful nightmares the second night of being off them so I have taken one yesterday and today. I still feel rubbish. I thought today maybe I had caught my kids bug because I felt so sick and my tummy was hurting but it hasn’t come to anything. I just feel rubbish, I am really worried that I have something physical going on that’s life threatening. I just don’t feel well but it’s since increasing these drugs and then halving the dose. I keep thinking I have liver problems or cancer somewhere causing me to feel like this. I feel like I can’t rest until I get a blood test to see if anything is going on but I’m scared.
I don’t want one, I don’t want to deal with the anxiety of waiting and then the sheer panic if something is amiss.
I’m hoping it’s because I have gone onto a nee drug and my body is withdrawing from a higher dose and because I’ve missed two it’s making me feel bad.
Yes, it definitely can. In fact, it can be the sole cause of feeling like absolute shit.
I feel so rough. I never feel ‘unwell’ so I’m worried something bad is going to happen to me.
It’s just been two weeks of feeling like poo. I felt okay this morning. It comes in big waves. I’m just so worried something bad is happening inside my body. My tummy is not happy tonight at all, maybe it is the bug my kids had. The sick feeling seems to have passed a bit. Just going out today felt like a mission, I’m so tired as well.
I’m hoping it’s because I have gone onto a nee drug and my body is withdrawing from a higher dose and because I’ve missed two it’s making me feel bad.
Chlobo, please don't skip around with your medication. If you think 60 mg is too high, talk to your doctor to see if there is any benefit in slowly ramping up the dosage. These medications usually come with a set of initial side effects, and you can jump into the deep end or you can try to slowly ramp up, where you'll have more minor side effects but potentially for longer. However, if you are stopping and starting and increasing and decreasing willy-nilly, you're just going to mess with your system and make yourself feel even more ill. If you are going to take medication for your anxiety, you need to commit to the anxiety medication for a period of time before assessing if it's right, if the dosage is correct, etc.
Hang in there.
I’m hoping it’s because I have gone onto a nee drug and my body is withdrawing from a higher dose and because I’ve missed two it’s making me feel bad.
That's exactly what it is on top of your already high anxiety. You don't just change doses or decide to stop taking a psychotropic willy nilly. You're self-sabotaging yourself by doing so. You need to consult with your doctor concerning dosage changes and such.
FMP
I’ve been really trying too, I took the kids to a show today, they have had a bug this week so it’s been sickness and diarrhoea which hasn’t been fun, but today was the first day they have all been well enough to do something.
Good work on the show. :shades:
Yes, sickness and dior...dia...oh sod it.. the shits is doing the rounds. (I'm still having flashbacks to three weeks ago) :scared15:
I felt physically okay until I went up to 60mg on my Duloxetine (cymbalta) I then started feeling awful and thought it may be the drug so I went back down to 30mg.
That's quite a jump, I'm not surprised you felt awful! :huh:
Good work on the show. :shades:
Yes, sickness and dior...dia...oh sod it.. the shits is doing the rounds. (I'm still having flashbacks to three weeks ago) :scared15:
That's quite a jump, I'm not surprised you felt awful! :huh:
The problem is I still feel awful 😞
I’m highly anxious but physically I feel gross and just not well. I’m hoping it is the meds
That's exactly what it is on top of your already high anxiety. You don't just change doses or decide to stop taking a psychotropic willy nilly. You're self-sabotaging yourself by doing so. You need to consult with your doctor concerning dosage changes and such.
FMP
I asked the psychiatrist and he told me to stay on 60mg as I had been on them for two weeks already. But I was falling asleep everywhere and I couldn’t look after the kids because of how crap I felt so I went down to 30mg to see if it would stabilise me a bit. I still feel shit though and it’s been about a week. But missing two probably hasn’t helped. The problem with meds for me is if they have side effects I panic bevayse I think something is physically wrong so I was trying to help myself out of a panic. It’s been one week since stopping 60 but I still feel gross
Chlobo, please don't skip around with your medication. If you think 60 mg is too high, talk to your doctor to see if there is any benefit in slowly ramping up the dosage. These medications usually come with a set of initial side effects, and you can jump into the deep end or you can try to slowly ramp up, where you'll have more minor side effects but potentially for longer. However, if you are stopping and starting and increasing and decreasing willy-nilly, you're just going to mess with your system and make yourself feel even more ill. If you are going to take medication for your anxiety, you need to commit to the anxiety medication for a period of time before assessing if it's right, if the dosage is correct, etc.
Hang in there.
Hey poppy I really hope it is the meds causing me to feel like this.
I keep feeling so hot, and I’m becoming addicted to taking my temperature. I’m having these awful hot flashes. I just want to feel normal
I asked the psychiatrist and he told me to stay on 60mg as I had been on them for two weeks already.
It’s been one week since stopping 60 but I still feel gross
There it is :whistles: Why are you sabotaging yourself? You actually were making some positive strides. Because of my daughter's experience with meds, I know it can take months to adjust. You need to listen to the doctor.
FMP
There it is :whistles: Why are you sabotaging yourself? You actually were making some positive strides. Because of my daughter's experience with meds, I know it can take months to adjust. You need to listen to the doctor.
FMP
I felt so unwell so I lowered it. I just feel like an anxious mess I really do. Even typing this I can see the anxiety in my words, everything is jumbled.
I have an appointment with the doctor again next week so I’ll speak to him about it again and see what he says. I don’t know if I’m really sensitive to these sort of tablets, as soon as I start to feel unwell I panic. I’m panicking now because I still don’t feel right.
WorryRaptor
02-06-22, 18:53
Chlobo, you really should avoid adjusting your meds like this. Your doctor told you to stay at a certain dosage for a reason. Your system needs time to get used to it. Changing it so abruptly can make you feel worse. If it really doesn't suit you, you need to work alongside your doctor to adjust the dose.
Joining in with the chorus here. Chloe, you need to learn to accept that you might feel rough for a while and stop messing with your meds.
The problem is I still feel awful
I’m highly anxious but physically I feel gross and just not well. I’m hoping it is the meds
I'll let you into a secret, Chloe...
Well actually it's not a secret..
I had that bug about three weeks ago (maybe longer, my brain is mush) and I still feel crap...
...but not as crap as I felt when HA had me in a choke-hold back in 2016-17.
However, in your case...
Meds are great when they are working, but to get to that optimal point there is a period of adjustment with weeks of feeling crap until the right dosage (for you) is reached. Chopping and changing the dose is going to affect how you feel. There will be symptoms. You know this is a combo of the meds and your HA...
I'll let you into a secret, Chloe...
Well actually it's not a secret..
I had that bug about three weeks ago (maybe longer, my brain is mush) and I still feel crap...
...but not as crap as I felt when HA had me in a choke-hold back in 2016-17.
However, in your case...
Meds are great when they are working, but to get to that optimal point there is a period of adjustment with weeks of feeling crap until the right dosage (for you) is reached. Chopping and changing the dose is going to affect how you feel. There will be symptoms. You know this is a combo of the meds and your HA...
I do feel crap, and I do feel in a choke hold completely Nora, I have never in my life felt this anxious about my health before I don’t think.
I need talking off the ledge again as I’m spiralling. I looked at my face today and my left cheek to me is noticeably ‘skinnier’ than the right.
I’m telling myself it’s cause I have cancer that’s eating anyway. I’m trying to eat lunch out with my kids and I’m scared, checking my cheek in the mirror constantly on my phone.
I need talking off the ledge again as I’m spiralling.
Look behind you, we're all here. You're not alone..
I looked at my face today and my left cheek to me is noticeably ‘skinnier’ than the right.
And there's a very good chance that this is not your mind playing tricks, simply because our bodies are not symmetrical, Chloe. Or, you might have been tensing one cheek more than the other.. Or it might have been a shadow. Or you might have cocked your blusher up on that side. Or it might have been a trillion other reasons before you start to get into cancer territory...
I’m telling myself it’s cause I have cancer that’s eating anyway.
When cancer chomped away at my lovely dad, I can honestly say that I never looked at him and thought, 'You know what Dad, one side of your face looks thinner than the other?' There were huge hollows on both sides of his face. But you know what? I looked exactly the same when I had my breakdown because I lost a shit load of weight and in a very short time.. (no cancer)
I’m trying to eat lunch out with my kids and I’m scared, checking my cheek in the mirror constantly on my phone.
You're out with your kids? Nice work! :shades:
We can work on the checking..
If you have a compact mirror in your bag, remove it. Put it in a drawer, bin it - whatever. This means you are now limited to mirrors in the toilets and in shops. I have kids and it's not viable for you to hang around in public loos staring at yourself with young kiddies. Also, you're unlikely to stand in Boots gurning into the mirrors for too long before an orange looking lady comes at you asking if you'd like a No 7 makeover..
Your phone..
The problem with smart phones is that the internet is accessible 24/7 and wherever we are (if there's a signal, obvs) and this isn't good for the likes of you, Chloe. The answer is to use a normal phone - one where you can just make phone calls and send texts. You can pick these up relatively cheaply. With the temptation to Google removed you can focus on your children more and be present. It's really good that you're taking your kids out, but unfortunately it will be a case of you physically there but mentally you're elsewhere, right? And what you will remember from that lunch is you scaring yourself, not things your kids said or did..
Look behind you, we're all here. You're not alone..
And there's a very good chance that this is not your mind playing tricks, simply because our bodies are not symmetrical, Chloe. Or, you might have been tensing one cheek more than the other.. Or it might have been a shadow. Or you might have cocked your blusher up on that side. Or it might have been a trillion other reasons before you start to get into cancer territory...
When cancer chomped away at my lovely dad, I can honestly say that I never looked at him and thought, 'You know what Dad, one side of your face looks thinner than the other?' There were huge hollows on both sides of his face. But you know what? I looked exactly the same when I had my breakdown because I lost a shit load of weight and in a very short time.. (no cancer)
You're out with your kids? Nice work! :shades:
We can work on the checking..
If you have a compact mirror in your bag, remove it. Put it in a drawer, bin it - whatever. This means you are now limited to mirrors in the toilets and in shops. I have kids and it's not viable for you to hang around in public loos staring at yourself with young kiddies. Also, you're unlikely to stand in Boots gurning into the mirrors for too long before an orange looking lady comes at you asking if you'd like a No 7 makeover..
Your phone..
The problem with smart phones is that the internet is accessible 24/7 and wherever we are (if there's a signal, obvs) and this isn't good for the likes of you, Chloe. The answer is to use a normal phone - one where you can just make phone calls and send texts. You can pick these up relatively cheaply. With the temptation to Google removed you can focus on your children more and be present. It's really good that you're taking your kids out, but unfortunately it will be a case of you physically there but mentally you're elsewhere, right? And what you will remember from that lunch is you scaring yourself, not things your kids said or did..
I don’t feel like many people are behind me here, I feel like I’ve exhausted this site Nora.
The panic is just so bad. When I look down in the mirror one of my cheek bones is definitely more noticeable than the right one. I don’t even want to look in the mirror anymore, I just get scared.
I weighed myself and I’m 8 stone 2 pounds. And a few weeks ago I was 8 stone 6 pounds so I’ve lost weight. I’m so scared I’m wasting. For the last few months I haven’t been eating right, I know that. But I hadn’t noticed till a friend made a comment that I had lost weight. There are no normal days anymore, this has hit an all time low. Everyday is fear, I am just exhausted.
Look behind you, we're all here. You're not alone..
And there's a very good chance that this is not your mind playing tricks, simply because our bodies are not symmetrical, Chloe. Or, you might have been tensing one cheek more than the other.. Or it might have been a shadow. Or you might have cocked your blusher up on that side. Or it might have been a trillion other reasons before you start to get into cancer territory...
When cancer chomped away at my lovely dad, I can honestly say that I never looked at him and thought, 'You know what Dad, one side of your face looks thinner than the other?' There were huge hollows on both sides of his face. But you know what? I looked exactly the same when I had my breakdown because I lost a shit load of weight and in a very short time.. (no cancer)
You're out with your kids? Nice work! :shades:
We can work on the checking..
If you have a compact mirror in your bag, remove it. Put it in a drawer, bin it - whatever. This means you are now limited to mirrors in the toilets and in shops. I have kids and it's not viable for you to hang around in public loos staring at yourself with young kiddies. Also, you're unlikely to stand in Boots gurning into the mirrors for too long before an orange looking lady comes at you asking if you'd like a No 7 makeover..
Your phone..
The problem with smart phones is that the internet is accessible 24/7 and wherever we are (if there's a signal, obvs) and this isn't good for the likes of you, Chloe. The answer is to use a normal phone - one where you can just make phone calls and send texts. You can pick these up relatively cheaply. With the temptation to Google removed you can focus on your children more and be present. It's really good that you're taking your kids out, but unfortunately it will be a case of you physically there but mentally you're elsewhere, right? And what you will remember from that lunch is you scaring yourself, not things your kids said or did..
Your comment about the orange lady made me laugh. I don’t dare go into boots at the moment, they have a weigh machine in there and I’m scared I’ll jump on it.
I’m trying to think if I had cancer that advanced I was wasting I’d be pretty unwell right?
I haven’t been eating properly since January, I’ve been under immense amounts of stress with family courts and my health anxiety being at a whole new level. I asked my mum and my friend if I looked unwell and they laughed and said no, that my face is fine and it’s my OCD messing me up. The weight loss they said is obvious because I haven’t been eating so what do I expect? My mum told me off and said you do not need another doctors trip.
I can’t even wear make up at the moment, it takes all I have to get a shower. I don’t know how to cope anymore Nora. I am just so frightened…
WorryRaptor
05-06-22, 14:18
I don’t feel like many people are behind me here, I feel like I’ve exhausted this site
People are behind you Chlobo, but if you look back through the whole thread, you'll see that many people agreed that giving reassurance was harming rather than helping. I genuinely want you to get better, but there isn't a huge amount I can say that hasn't already been said to you.
I check back in on this thread quite regularly, even if I don't comment. People are absolutely rooting for you Chloe.
I just wanted to correct what I said, there are a lot of people on here who continue to support me for which I’m grateful for. But this thread has a lot of negative comments on too which upset me. My mental health has never been as bad as this and for a while I did stop posting as much. But I am struggling and that’s just me being honest. HA is eating me and it’s out of control. I know I need to go to the doctor and get some bloods done but I’m too scared. I wish they had been done in A&E when I went a few weeks ago. I’m gutted I didn’t ask them.
But it's not up to you to ask for blood tests, Chloe. It's down to the doctor to decide if you need any tests due to clinical need.
People are behind you Chlobo, but if you look back through the whole thread, you'll see that many people agreed that giving reassurance was harming rather than helping. I genuinely want you to get better, but there isn't a huge amount I can say that hasn't already been said to you.
I check back in on this thread quite regularly, even if I don't comment. People are absolutely rooting for you Chloe.
Thanks worry.
It isnÂ’t helpful which I agree with, and yes there isnÂ’t much more people can say. But IÂ’m in such a bad hole. IÂ’m obsessed with my face structure now and focusing on my cheek.
But it's not up to you to ask for blood tests, Chloe. It's down to the doctor to decide if you need any tests due to clinical need.
Yes I mean they haven’t ordered them.
I just feel like maybe if they came back okay I could relax? If I’m honest I’m paranoid about some sort of leukaemia. With the weight loss too it’s just another thing to add to the list of alignments.
I feel like my days are truly numbered
Chloe, you don't need bloodwork, you're losing weight because you're an emotional wreck.
Tests weren't ordered because they weren't deemed necessary.
Chloe, you don't need bloodwork, you're losing weight because you're an emotional wreck.
Tests weren't ordered because they weren't deemed necessary.
I am an emotional wreck that’s very true. I have an appointment with my doctor next week. I’m going to have to be really honest with how I’m feeling. I thought the mri would help me
I thought you were under the care of the community MH team now? What happened to the CPN?
Have you corrected the dosage of your meds back to what was prescribed and/or consulted your doctor?
FMP
I thought you were under the care of the community MH team now? What happened to the CPN?
What is the CPN?
Yeah I am under the mental health team with a psychiatrist, I’m seeing him next week so I’m going to have a chat to him about how bad I’m feeling. He diagnosed me with hypochondriasis and OCD.
I have a mental health worker as well that cones to see me and I can chat to her. I just can’t see a light at the end of this Pul.
Have you corrected the dosage of your meds back to what was prescribed and/or consulted your doctor?
FMP
I have fishmanpa, I’ve got an appointment next week with the psychiatrist so I will speak to him about how bad I’m feeling
I have fishmanpa, I’ve got an appointment next week with the psychiatrist so I will speak to him about how bad I’m feeling
And the meds? What are you doing with that?
FMP?
And the meds? What are you doing with that?
FMP?
I think I’m going to have to try something else, I don’t think the Cymbalta suits me. In all honesty I don’t feel like any of those tablets suit me. I just don’t think I can manage without.
I think you might need to learn to accept and sit with discomfort sometimes. Unfortunately it's a part of life, especially as we grow older.
I don’t feel like many people are behind me here
95 pages on this thread says otherwise, Chloe..
I feel like I’ve exhausted this site Nora.
Depends on what you want from this forum or any other. If it's sympathy and symptom dumping you want without having to help yourself then yes, I'd agree that you've exhausted those options on here..
When I look down in the mirror one of my cheek bones is definitely more noticeable than the right one. I don’t even want to look in the mirror anymore
The more you fixate, the more you will convince yourself there are abnormalities when in reality there are none..
I weighed myself and I’m 8 stone 2 pounds. And a few weeks ago I was 8 stone 6 pounds so I’ve lost weight. I’m so scared I’m wasting.
A variable of 3-4 pounds a week - especially in women - is normal.
I'm 8 stone 7. I was 10 stone at the beginning of last year. Am I scared? No..
I dropped down to below 8 stone from 10 when I had my breakdown. During another severe phase of anxiety, I dropped from 8 and a half stone to 6 stone. My periods stopped. I was skin and bone. And I was ill, albeit mentally. A variable of a few pounds is nothing to worry about at all..
For the last few months I haven’t been eating right, I know that
So why are you not factoring this in? Anxiety means that we either lose weight or bung it on from comfort eating. I lost weight. Most people lose weight. We consume fewer calories so this equals weight loss. We burn more energy which also equals weight loss. The time to get concerned re weight loss is when the weight loss is rapid AND there are no anxiety issues etc and even then cancer is at the end of a very long list of possibilities. You're bypassing everything and going straight to cancer because you have a mental illness (severe health anxiety)
But I hadn’t noticed till a friend made a comment that I had lost weight. There are no normal days anymore, this has hit an all time low. Everyday is fear, I am just exhausted.
I didn't need people to comment. I had to make three new holes in my belt and buy smaller sized clothes..
Everyday is fear because you're making it so. You are doing this. Your body is working magnificently under the strain of severe anxiety. You just can't see the reality for the fear..
I can’t even wear make up at the moment, it takes all I have to get a shower. I don’t know how to cope anymore Nora. I am just so frightened…
My advice? Put some make-up on. Severe anxiety isn't a good look. It makes us look pale and ill and it can be jarring to see ourselves this way - not to mention - it feeds into our imagination..
I know how frightened you are, believe me. But you can get yourself to a better place, Chloe. I want you to believe this too..
You asked how I cope? You know how I cope. It's all here, in this thread and in threads all over this forum..
Every day, I challenge my thoughts. I work out which of my thoughts deserve mind space and which do not. I work on acceptance and the ability to try and change what can be changed and to accept the rest. I am always working to help myself...
The 'easiest' thing is to keep saying how scared you are. These words are instant. But they are also helping to keep you where you are..
We know you're scared. You know you're scared. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to keep on with the same narrative? What's that achieved so far? :shrug:
No amount of reassurance will help you out of this. None. It doesn't go in, Chloe. The constant is fear. Your irrational thoughts. This is what sticks..
I'm actually a bit hurt that you said that we're not behind you. People do care about you. I came out of a NMP break to help you because you asked me to. We are all trying to help you out of this mess, Chloe. We all want to see you get your life back. But we can't make you help yourself. That's down to you and you alone..
Go put your make-up on. You will feel better. Anything that we can do to feel better is well worth the effort...
Nora put this better than I ever can, but she's right and I've told you this countless times. Talking about how afraid you are reinforces the fear.
So many people have put so much time in trying to help you here, but by now it must be abundantly clear that endless sympathy isn't the kind thing for us to do.
WorryRaptor
06-06-22, 12:15
You have to find a way to stop feeding into the fear loop Chlobo.
Why don't you try doing something different when you feel the fear welling up. The next time you feel tempted to post in this thread, use the energy to find a post from somebody with no interaction. Reply to them instead, and help to reassure them, or give them some helpful advice. Then log off. You'll probably feel awful, and desperately want to splurge your fears out here, but try to resist it just for that day. A day won't make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things, regardless of what you're concerned you might or might not have.
Then try it again the next time you feel the urge to post about your fears. Keep trying. Redirect that fear into helping other people here.
WorryRaptor
06-06-22, 12:28
In all honesty I don’t feel like any of those tablets suit me
Are you sure that's not just your expectation? Meds aren't a garden of roses, and most people will have some side effects with them. You're hyper focused on how bad they make you feel/could make you feel.
Has your doctor told you to lower the dose until next time you see them? It's REALLY important not to adjust doses unless advised by your doctor.
I think I’m going to have to try something else, I don’t think the Cymbalta suits me. In all honesty I don’t feel like any of those tablets suit me. I just don’t think I can manage without.
You barely scratched the surface with the meds and clearly did not follow the advice of your doctor. Meds can and often do make one feel worse starting off and as I and many others have said, it can takes several weeks to months before your body and mind adjust. You clearly did not give them a chance and to top it off, you started messing with the dosage and made things worse.
My daughter has been through several different meds and all the ramp up, ramp down and cross tapering that comes with it. It can take time to figure out what works for you but if you don't give it a chance, then what's the point? :shrug:
FMP
You barely scratched the surface with the meds and clearly did not follow the advice of your doctor. Meds can and often do make one feel worse starting off and as I and many others have said, it can takes several weeks to months before your body and mind adjust. You clearly did not give them a chance and to top it off, you started messing with the dosage and made things worse.
My daughter has been through several different meds and all the ramp up, ramp down and cross tapering that comes with it. It can take time to figure out what works for you but if you don't give it a chance, then what's the point? :shrug:
FMP
I was on it for one month in total, the problem I have is my health anxiety is so bad that any side effects scare me and make me panic. I was also falling asleep a lot and I couldn’t function with the kids.
It felt like it was getting worse rather than better fish.
the problem I have is my health anxiety is so bad....
And you made medical decisions exasperating your mental illness. As was said, if its tea and sympathy and symptom dumping you want then yes, things have run their course. It truly comes down to helping yourself in real life as its quite apparent the forum isn't helping.
FMP
I was on it for one month in total, the problem I have is my health anxiety is so bad that any side effects scare me and make me panic. I was also falling asleep a lot and I couldn’t function with the kids.
It felt like it was getting worse rather than better fish.
I think maybe then it's worth having a talk with your psychiatrist about expected side effects, and maybe ramping up dosage slowly. It will take longer to get to an effective dose, and side effects will last longer too, but they should be more mild overall, which may be easier for you?
The thing with medication is that you have to fully commit to it - you have to take it every single day, and you have to wait out that side effect window which can be as long as 6-8 weeks, then you have to try to put some therapy into effect to see if the combo is useful; if not, you may need to switch meds/alter doses, which will again have some side effects to attend to (but probably not as severe).
I don't know when you said you started the meds, but you admitted to halving the dose pretty early on, and you've also missed several doses as well, so that alone will not only give you some pretty severe side effects, it won't give the medication any opportunity to work correctly.
You can't be on a medication for a month, haphazardly skipping doses and changing dosages and then just state that it doesn't work - you have to fully commit to make that assessment. That's like saying you don't like cake, but in the process of baking your first cake you left out the sugar, substituted baking soda for flour, and then left it in the oven for an hour after it was supposed to come out.
You can't be on a medication for a month, haphazardly skipping doses and changing dosages and then just state that it doesn't work - you have to fully commit to make that assessment. That's like saying you don't like cake, but in the process of baking your first cake you left out the sugar, substituted baking soda for flour, and then left it in the oven for an hour after it was supposed to come out.
Great analogy! :yesyes:
FMP
the problem I have is my health anxiety is so bad that any side effects scare me and make me panic.
This is because you are hyper-sensitised, Chloe. If HA didn't have you by the flaps, you would have these side effects and not bother because you'd know that they most likely will taper off within six weeks. But six weeks is a hell of along time when you have HA...
I'll give you an example of how I deal with my thoughts these days..
For the last three weeks, I've had lower back pain and an IBS flare up starting with constipation and abdominal pain. A few years ago I would have spiralled into bowel cancer but I've been there before and I've worked very hard on my health anxiety and challenging my thoughts, so that's what I did here..
I asked myself some questions like, 'Have you had constipation before?' Answer: Yes.
Question: Have you done anything different? Answer: I had the tummy bug from hell a few weeks ago (Oh my God - the flashbacks! :scared15:) and also I mucked around with my diet (eating foods on my banned list) because I'm a massive dickhead..
Question: What did you do to address the situation? Answer: I listened to my body, stopped eating what I'm intolerant to and gave my digestive system a rest.
Question: Has it made any difference? Answer: Yes.
Question: What about the abdo pain? Have you had that before? Answer: Yes, many times. It comes on when I eat gluten. (I shouldn't eat gluten, but I'm a massive dickhead and those croissants in Costa are really nice :unsure:)
Question: When you've had this pain before, was it investigated? Answer: Yes. I was scanned, bum-cammed and fingered by numerous doctors..
Question: And what did they find? Answer: Diagnosis -IBS/food intolerances.
Question: And you were convinced you had cancer? Answer: 100% convinced.
Question: Do you think you have cancer now? Answer: No.
Question: Why not? Answer: There's no evidence.
Question: What about the back pain? (HA really likes lower back pain) Have you ever had this before? Answer: Numerous times cocker. Sometimes it's to do with me Farmer Giles, other times it is musculoskeletal..
Question: Had you been doing anything to aggravate your back though? Answer: Yes. I'd been lifting my grandchildren into the air and giving my two year old grandson the one-two-three-weeeeeeees. (Also, the constipation has aggravated me Farmers..:scared15:)
Question: What are you doing to address the problem? Answer: Heat pad, painkillers, stretches -some self-reproachment for being a massive dickhead.
Question: Is it making any difference? Answer: Yes.
Question: Is there any need to see a doctor? Answer: No.
So this is what I do now. If I was to be answering that nothing I'm doing is making any difference then the next logical step would be to see my GP and then I would remind myself that this is common sense but also that I have had symptoms which have lasted for many months at a time and sometimes I just need some help in sorting them out but there is no need to scare myself because I've been there, done that, and put myself through hell..
When I say it is easy to say how scared you are and how you can't cope, it's because it is easier to stick to the HA narrative than to challenge and re-frame your thoughts. It's much harder to go against the flow of your mind, Chloe. But it gets easier with practice. My brain is wired towards overthinking and negativity and if I can achieve some success then you can for sure. And when you learn to do this with your HA thoughts, you will understand that you can challenge any thoughts in this way..
Hey Nora, thank you for replying.
I'm not including you or people that regularly respond to me on here in what I said about feeling like I don't have anyone behind me. There are just a lot of sarcastic and negative comments on this thread and they do affect me and make me feel crap if I'm honest.
Why are you on a diet if you weigh 8 stone 7? :huh: or did I read that wrong?
I have had health anxiety since as long as I can remember, and a phobia of the doctors/death anything medical. I remember being in a science lesson at about 8 years old crying because they were showing us pictures and diagrams of the human body and the organs and I just couldn't handle it, and then Mad Cow Disease came around. I remember sitting in my living room watching the news with my mum at home and watching these people dying of this devastating disease, and it suddenly hit me that I could get this too. We avoided eating beef (obviously) but I wouldn't eat anything with animal derived ingredients. I stopped eating jelly, any gummy sweets like Haribo. We went to a farm to see the animals and I wouldn't touch a cow, my siblings were stroking it and I stood back horrified and sweating with fear. That's my first memory of being afraid of disease. It then went onto meningitis. My school had given us a leaflet to take home to our parents for information, as there had been a small outbreak in the UK. I remember reading it there and then in my lesson. Soon after my skin started to prickle and I felt sick. I was convinced I was going to catch it. It got to the point where I couldn't wash because I couldn't take my clothes off for fear of seeing a rash on my skin. I told my mum but she didn't get it, she got cross with me and called me dirty. She eventually dragged me to the doctors and told him how scared I was and he showed me a medical book with a photo of a dead child on a bed that had died of meningitis. To this day I remember that photograph. I just sank further and further into despair. I was having daily panic attacks and my skin was constantly prickling. I couldn't go to school anymore. We didn't have a computer when I was a child so I hadn't got access to google. My mum didn't have much money as a single mum but she used to buy these magazines that had stories in, you know the ones. 'Girl thought she had tummy ache and it was cancer' I remember reading through them and suddenly i'd filled my anxious brain with even more things to be scared of. My mum binned them all, she stopped watching Holby City on the TV. I stayed at home everyday filled with fear just shut in my bedroom. I had no childhood, I couldn't go to sleepovers, or on holidays. I was so overridden with fear of catching some awful disease. This fear is so deep rooted, and I have had breaks in my life time where I've had it more under control. Then my brother got cancer and it snowballed again which is when I joined this site. I then went on to having my four kids and since having children and especially after my last daughter it has become horrific. Everyday is filled with illness and dying and I can't seem to get control of it. It's my own brain doing this to me and I have no power over it at all. You're right it does have me by the flaps, completely controls every aspect of my life. Every day is 'waiting' to become unwell, waiting to get a symptom, being obsessed with a sensation and convincing myself I have some awful disease. I'm never really in the room, it doesn't matter what I do my brain is always worrying about being unwell. Like you said about me having lunch with my kids, I couldn't tell you what they spoke about, what they asked me. I'm not there with them. I'm in my own hell and that's my own body and I can't escape it. I don't see the point in doing my hair or make up because I'm so sure I'm dying of the next disease I've latched onto.
Every test is meaningless because a week later it's something else. And after a few months that test becomes invalid because enough time has passed for something to change. Everytime I get the 'all clear' It's never enough.
What a miserable way to exist. This post isn't for sympathy, it's just to write it all down in a nutshell.
The exercise you have written down with the Q's and answers is very helpful Nora. I am going to start doing that. It does help to write it all down I think as it gets messy inside the mind.
When I get into the deep throes of HA I dont look after myself. I dont do my hair or my make up, I seem to stop doing everything I enjoy because I become so miserable and obsessed. Maybe tomorrow I should get up and put it on, the idea of actually doing that makes me anxious? I don't like looking in the mirror right now, I just look rough. Pale and spotty. Like you said anxiety isn't a good look. Plus I focus on my face and pick things out. My mind is just so exhausted.
Hey Poppy.
I do agree with what you're saying but I've tried a lot of meds in my time and these have made me feel worse than most when I have started up. I am going to see if there is anything else he can give me. It's the hot flashes I cant handle, and I've read people having experiences where that hasn't gone away. I just cant handle feeling that rough, not while I have the kids to look after on my own.
I am going to speak to him though and see if he can give me something else
There are just a lot of sarcastic and negative comments on this thread and they do affect me and make me feel crap if I'm honest.
People don't mean to be sarcastic, Chloe. This is down to frustration. It can be really hard to find the balance sometimes..
Why are you on a diet if you weigh 8 stone 7? :huh: or did I read that wrong?
I don't mean diet as in counting calories, I mean diet as in what I can and cannot eat. I have a lot of food intolerances' and sensitivities - I presume because I have MCS (multiple chemical sensitivity)
I have had health anxiety since as long as I can remember, and a phobia of the doctors/death anything medical.
Yep. This is me too. And your childhood experiences with HA is similar to my own. However, I eventually learned to control the condition and so can you.
Every day is 'waiting' to become unwell,
I had to wait 40 years to become physically unwell (long-term) and when it did happen it wasn't cancer or MS or heart disease. My mind had never thought of something like fibromyalgia..
I'm never really in the room, it doesn't matter what I do my brain is always worrying about being unwell. Like you said about me having lunch with my kids, I couldn't tell you what they spoke about, what they asked me. I'm not there with them. I'm in my own hell and that's my own body and I can't escape it.
I was in the same hell, Chloe. I escaped and so can you. You have the key to the cell door. You've always had it.
I don't see the point in doing my hair or make up because I'm so sure I'm dying of the next disease I've latched onto.
The point is that you will feel better about yourself. Having a haircut, putting make-up on, wearing fresh clothes - all these things make us feel better in ourselves. I wear make-up to put the bins out mate. No anxiety disorder or illness is going to get in my way of me and my BFF, Maybelline. I've been wearing make-up since I was 12. It helped me cope with the world then and it's been a constant support to me all my life. (Plus, I naturally look scary without it)
As nauseous as I felt when I had my breakdown (and at one point I had to wear anti-sickness bands on my wrists) I made sure to sit down and put some make-up on and every day. HA isn't a problem for me now as it's controlled, but my fibro is a huge problem and I still put my make-up on and get dressed - even when I have to lie on my bed all day. I make sure this self-care accounts for one of my 'spoons' because I know that it has a positive effect on me and this is as medicinal as any drug. Sure, washing my hair can be step too far at times but I have shit loads of dry shampoo ha ha..
There's also the fact that my mother would literally haunt me if I gave up on myself..
So would my nan..
And I don't fancy being haunted by either of em..
Bottom line: having HA you are constantly in the mirror and when the person that looks back at you resembles one of the zombies from Shaun of the Dead, it's not exactly helpful. It all feeds into our imagination that we're at death's door. When in reality it's to do with lack of sleep, not eating well, and most importantly - the stress response..
The stress response takes blood away from the face to pump it into other muscles, this is why we look so pale when we're scared. 'White with fear', 'White as a sheet' - you must have heard these terms? You obviously don't like the anxiety/Emo look and this is something that you can do something about so make with the make-up!
Every test is meaningless because a week later it's something else.
How can it be meaningless? Clear tests are proof that you do not have the illness that you imagine you have and even if that doesn't register with you today, one day it will be of use to you when you do learn to challenge your thoughts..
Everytime I get the 'all clear' It's never enough.
It will never be enough Chloe because what you want is an impossible ask of any doctor. You want someone to tell you that you're not going to die and nobody can do that. You want somebody to tell you that you won't ever get cancer or some other disease. That's impossible too. The best your GP can do is to confirm that you don't have the disease (or any other) now. If you present to them with symptoms they will test you. They know you have a raging case of HA but they can't ignore every symptom you present with or you could sue them. As it is, you've had the GOLD STANDARD of human MOT's. Physically speaking, you're in fine fettle. Psychologically, you're currently the equivalent of Bumblebee (Transformers) when young Charlie found him in the scrap yard as a beat up Volkswagen Beetle, and at the end of the film the handsome Autobot-Dude turns into a 1977 Chevrolet Camaro. I don't know if this geeky analogy does it for you but I know what I mean..:shades:
What a miserable way to exist. This post isn't for sympathy, it's just to write it all down in a nutshell.
It kinda is for sympathy but it's a very human thing to need people's sympathy when we're struggling. However, there comes a time when we have to choose between trawling through the same destructive narrative and making the conscious decision to change our existence for the better because we're done with being a prisoner to our minds.. (think nice shiny Camaro)
As it is, you're still at the bottom of that hole surrounded by all those lifebuoys that have been thrown in to help you. You will not control your HA while you continue to trawl out the defeatist and self-pitying narrative. You will stay where you are and life will continue to pass you by and believe me when I say that good health is grossly underestimated. When it's gone, you know it..
It doesn't matter how long you've had HA. It doesn't matter how far down you've gone with this. If you are determined to get yourself out, then you will do so, and that means facing what you fear accepting the uncertainty of life, and the absolute certainty of death. What we do with our lives is up to us whether those lives be long, short or impaired. If you want to be emotionally present in your children's lives then you need to do what's necessary and that involves changing the narrative to one which shows determination to get to a better place mentally..
That exercise I wrote down can be applied to all your thoughts. It's really useful and effective but it requires constant practice..
For every negative think of how you can help yourself.
Todays whinge for me? My husband has just informed me he's working from home. He didn't forewarn me. I was prepared for a day of peace & tranquillity after half term and him being off work. As it is, my brain just exploded all over the keyboard..:scared15:
So I have to ask myself what I can do to help myself cope with this situation..
Answer: I can go for a walk. I can tootle about in the garden. I can do my weekly trip out to Costa. This way I might avoid having to bury him under the patio..:roflmao:
It will never be enough Chloe because what you want is an impossible ask of any doctor. You want someone to tell you that you're not going to die and nobody can do that. You want somebody to tell you that you won't ever get cancer or some other disease. That's impossible too. The best your GP can do is to confirm that you don't have the disease (or any other) now.
I've said this before, and agreed with you about this Nora a number of times, this is the major key to HA - accepting that one day you will pass. However, its not today, or now, and the likelihood (with modern medicine) is that it won't be for many many many years.
I know that this is Chloe's thread -- and I certainly don't mean to hijack -- but I would like to say that, contrary to other people's sentiments that repeat posters are "sad" or "annoying", I am happy that this thread is here for all the absolutely amazing advice that it contains. I do hope that experienced members realize that their attempts to help one person, in public, really do have the effect of helping many others who are reading along (and cheering for Chloe to keep fighting her HA) too.
So thank you to Nora B, Carys, BlueIris, pulisa, FMP, Poppy, etc., for continuing to engage -- and even thank you to Chloe for the honesty. You help us all.
I've said this before, and agreed with you about this Nora a number of times, this is the major key to HA - accepting that one day you will pass. However, its not today, or now, and the likelihood (with modern medicine) is that it won't be for many many many years.
This is it in a nutshell, Carys. Now is all any of us really have and we're alive in this moment. Thoughts are stories that we tell ourselves; they're not reality. The negative thinking become habitual and we become miserable as well as scared...
Acceptance really is the key to controlling HA effectively but learning how to challenge our thoughts and recognise those unhelpful thinking styles can not only help with HA but with other problems too..
Chloe hasn't been seen on here for a few days and I'm concerned to tell you the truth..
I sincerely hope she's not only OK, but that she hasn't gone searching for reassurance on a new forum as this will only serve to keep her where she is..
To explain further, reassurance seeking is a coping strategy where the brain learns that we only feel safe when somebody is helping us. When people spiral on here, this is what they do instead of coping on their own and challenging their thoughts. They seek reassurance and the brain eventually learns that it needs to do this for the person to feel ok, albeit temporarily until fear kicks back in and the cycle starts again. But the reality is that as unpleasant as the fight or flight response is (and out of context as in no actual danger to life) nothing horrible will happen. We will not die. Our hearts will not give up. This response isn't about death; it's about life. The symptoms will subside and most importantly the brain will learn that we didn't need anybody else to make us feel safe and when this has happened enough times, the brain will learn that we don't need people on a forum (or anywhere else) in order to feel safe..
I know that this is Chloe's thread -- and I certainly don't mean to hijack -- but I would like to say that, contrary to other people's sentiments that repeat posters are "sad" or "annoying", I am happy that this thread is here for all the absolutely amazing advice that it contains. I do hope that experienced members realize that their attempts to help one person, in public, really do have the effect of helping many others who are reading along (and cheering for Chloe to keep fighting her HA) too.
So thank you to Nora B, Carys, BlueIris, pulisa, FMP, Poppy, etc., for continuing to engage -- and even thank you to Chloe for the honesty. You help us all.
Thanks for this. :shades:
To explain further, reassurance seeking is a coping strategy where the brain learns that we only feel safe when somebody is helping us. When people spiral on here, this is what they do instead of coping on their own and challenging their thoughts. They seek reassurance and the brain eventually learns that it needs to do this for the person to feel ok, albeit temporarily until fear kicks back in and the cycle starts again. But the reality is that as unpleasant as the fight or flight response is (and out of context as in no actual danger to life) nothing horrible will happen. We will not die. Our hearts will not give up. This response isn't about death; it's about life. The symptoms will subside and most importantly the brain will learn that we didn't need anybody else to make us feel safe and when this has happened enough times, the brain will learn that we don't need people on a forum (or anywhere else) in order to feel safe..
So true - I honestly wish you'd write a self-help guide/book for mental health conditions relating to anxiety. :) Many years ago I felt unsafe without someone with me, at home, or anywhere, all the time. This was a pain in the neck as if people I lived with went away or weren't instantly contactable - I would be desperate and in panic anxiety state x 100. It would start before anybody went away, the far of not having somebody with me all the time....for weeks and weeks. Feeling safe is a state of mind inside yourself, and relying on others just locks you into a closed life and lack of freedom for all aspects of your life.
I vowed never to be dependent on anyone else ever again when someone very close to me said that he would never forgive me for asking him to cancel going to a major golf competition final ( about the rules of golf) at St Andrews many years ago. I had just come out of a psych hospital and had agoraphobia and 2 children with special needs to care for. A hard lesson to learn but it worked.
God Pulisa, what an awful thing :flowers:
But I’m so glad you came out of it stronger. Xx
Feeling safe is a state of mind inside yourself, and relying on others just locks you into a closed life and lack of freedom for all aspects of your life.
Very well said Carys..
I vowed never to be dependent on anyone else ever again when someone very close to me said that he would never forgive me for asking him to cancel going to a major golf competition final ( about the rules of golf) at St Andrews many years ago. I had just come out of a psych hospital and had agoraphobia and 2 children with special needs to care for. A hard lesson to learn but it worked.
I lived with this type of person P. (and for 20 years) Another awkward hug from me..:hugs:
Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies. I haven’t posted lately, I’ve been trying to busy myself with my garden and try not to come on as much.
Nora, you’re always right in what you say and I wish it would sink into my brain. I have those moments where I think I can do this and then I get a new symptom or a sensation and I just fall back into the same old habits so fast. For instance today I’ve had a numbness type feeling on the left side of my lip/cheek, slightly into the nostril too. I’ve freaked out about it multiple times today, that strong rush of fear that I’m about to have a stroke or having one. If I pinch the skin I can feel it, if I touch I can feel it. But it’s been like this ALL day and it isn’t going away or letting up soooo it’s sort of spoilt my day. I’ve been out and got some more bits for my garden but I AM SCARED
I keep getting slight dizzyish moments too which is also ramping up the anxiety.
I had an appointment with the psychologist last week and he now wants me to start Escitalopram, he said the Duloxetine side effects may have subsided but I just felt so unwell I couldn’t continue which he seemed to understand.
I know that this is Chloe's thread -- and I certainly don't mean to hijack -- but I would like to say that, contrary to other people's sentiments that repeat posters are "sad" or "annoying", I am happy that this thread is here for all the absolutely amazing advice that it contains. I do hope that experienced members realize that their attempts to help one person, in public, really do have the effect of helping many others who are reading along (and cheering for Chloe to keep fighting her HA) too.
So thank you to Nora B, Carys, BlueIris, pulisa, FMP, Poppy, etc., for continuing to engage -- and even thank you to Chloe for the honesty. You help us all.
Thank you Ky, that’s a really nice comment to read. And yes I appreciate so much all of the support and replies I am getting. I truely do xx
This is it in a nutshell, Carys. Now is all any of us really have and we're alive in this moment. Thoughts are stories that we tell ourselves; they're not reality. The negative thinking become habitual and we become miserable as well as scared...
Acceptance really is the key to controlling HA effectively but learning how to challenge our thoughts and recognise those unhelpful thinking styles can not only help with HA but with other problems too..
Chloe hasn't been seen on here for a few days and I'm concerned to tell you the truth..
I sincerely hope she's not only OK, but that she hasn't gone searching for reassurance on a new forum as this will only serve to keep her where she is..
To explain further, reassurance seeking is a coping strategy where the brain learns that we only feel safe when somebody is helping us. When people spiral on here, this is what they do instead of coping on their own and challenging their thoughts. They seek reassurance and the brain eventually learns that it needs to do this for the person to feel ok, albeit temporarily until fear kicks back in and the cycle starts again. But the reality is that as unpleasant as the fight or flight response is (and out of context as in no actual danger to life) nothing horrible will happen. We will not die. Our hearts will not give up. This response isn't about death; it's about life. The symptoms will subside and most importantly the brain will learn that we didn't need anybody else to make us feel safe and when this has happened enough times, the brain will learn that we don't need people on a forum (or anywhere else) in order to feel safe..
I’m okay thank you Nora, I did reply to your private message as well but I don’t want anyone to think I’m ignoring you on the thread!
It’s nice that people care.
And yes I agree it’s a habit that I cannot ‘cope’ on my own with these things. And that’s a huge problem. I worry that if I do really get sick how will I cope? Will I be tipped over the edge. Part of me truly thinks so.
I wish I knew you in real life Nora, and many other people in here. I wish we could do a meet up for support. Has anyone ever thought of doing that before with some of the members?
I had an appointment with the psychologist last week and he now wants me to start Escitalopram, he said the Duloxetine side effects may have subsided but I just felt so unwell I couldn’t continue which he seemed to understand.
What else did he say to you?
What else did he say to you?
Well he officially diagnosed me with hypochondriasis and ocd, fancy word for health anxiety basically lol.
He said, CBT will benefit me but I need to be in the right place mentally to do it, because it’s hard work and I need to put my all into it.
He wants me to start on the medication and get settled into it and then start the therapy
Well he officially diagnosed me with hypochondriasis and ocd, fancy word for health anxiety basically lol.
He said, CBT will benefit me but I need to be in the right place mentally to do it, because it’s hard work and I need to put my all into it.
He wants me to start on the medication and get settled into it and then start the therapy
Sometimes this is the right way. Other times, not so. It's an individual thing. This wasn't the case for me. I had to get into therapy while I was in the worst place, and without medication..
What I hope you don't do is to take the meds and think that you've cracked HA because the symptoms are improved. This happens a lot because people don't understand the importance of therapy, specifically CBT.
The purpose of the medication is to lessen the symptoms of anxiety but that's only part of the problem. Therapy is what you need to be able to challenge your thoughts and to keep challenging them.
Sometimes this is the right way. Other times, not so. It's an individual thing. This wasn't the case for me. I had to get into therapy while I was in the worst place, and without medication..
What I hope you don't do is to take the meds and think that you've cracked HA because the symptoms are improved. This happens a lot because people don't understand the importance of therapy, specifically CBT.
The purpose of the medication is to lessen the symptoms of anxiety but that's only part of the problem. Therapy is what you need to be able to challenge your thoughts and to keep challenging them.
There is a waiting list which he has put me on, so I think as soon as it comes through it will start up.
Are you on any medication now for anxiety Nora?
Are you on any medication now for anxiety Nora?
Nope. I have MCS (multiple chemical sensitivity) and was taken off the anti-anxiety meds (and beta-blockers) due to reactions. (I have historically used anti-anxiety meds without these side-effect issues though)
Nope. I have MCS (multiple chemical sensitivity) and was taken off the anti-anxiety meds (and beta-blockers) due to reactions. (I have historically used anti-anxiety meds without these side-effect issues though)
I wonder if I suffer with the same? My side effects seem awful with every one.
My psychologist said the Escitalopram has less side effects than the others as it’s a newer drug. My care coordinator came over today and she encouraged me to go and pick them up, they have been sat at the chemist for a few days now
IMy care coordinator came over today and she encouraged me to go and pick them up, they have been sat at the chemist for a few days now
Did you?
FMP
Did you?
FMP
I haven’t yet fishmanpa, they are still there. I’m very nervous
I wonder if I suffer with the same? My side effects seem awful with every one.
I'm unable to tolerate numerous meds, foods, and chemicals in general. That's what MCS is. It wouldn't just affect you with a medication..
My psychologist said the Escitalopram has less side effects than the others as it’s a newer drug. My care coordinator came over today and she encouraged me to go and pick them up, they have been sat at the chemist for a few days now
All drugs come with possible side effects. They should tail off in a few weeks but you have to start taking them first. Go get them and start helping yourself..
You've been on citalopram before so escitalopram won't be too much of a "new" drug for you. It's been around for years.
WorryRaptor
22-06-22, 16:36
Hey Chlobo, hope you're doing okay today. Did you manage to pick up your prescription yet?
Hey Chlobo, hope you're doing okay today. Did you manage to pick up your prescription yet?
Hey worry, I’m not so bad, thankfully the facial numbness subsided. I actually went and picked it up today. Too scared to take it at the moment. It’s meant to be taken in the morning with food so I may see how I feel tomorrow morning.
You've been on citalopram before so escitalopram won't be too much of a "new" drug for you. It's been around for years.
Apparently it’s a sister drug to Citalopram but stronger? If I’m correct.
I'm unable to tolerate numerous meds, foods, and chemicals in general. That's what MCS is. It wouldn't just affect you with a medication..
All drugs come with possible side effects. They should tail off in a few weeks but you have to start taking them first. Go get them and start helping yourself..
Not sensitive to food as far as I know. I have picked them up this morning. They are in the cupboard but it was a good step collecting them
I have picked them up this morning. They are in the cupboard but it was a good step collecting them
Gerrem down yer neck!
God I’m struggling.
I’m convinced I’m dying of something, I look sick and skinny.
I woke up this morning anxious because I had a lie in and it was a change to my usual early wake up. I got up and the first thing I did was check I hadn’t had a stroke because I had some pins and needles in my hand. Raised my eyebrows and wiggled them round loads just to double check.
Went to the toilet and made sure I could tighten my bottom muscles properly after I had been.
What the hell, even writing that out is just stupid. I keep wanting to weigh myself, I’m getting that urge and I keep getting that voice that says do it do it, but I don’t dare because if I have lost anymore I’ll freak out. What a joyful way to live.
Have you started the new meds?
FMP
Have you started the new meds?
FMP
No they are sat in the medicine cupboard. I’m petrified to take them
God I’m struggling.
I’m convinced I’m dying of something, I look sick and skinny.
I woke up this morning anxious because I had a lie in and it was a change to my usual early wake up. I got up and the first thing I did was check I hadn’t had a stroke because I had some pins and needles in my hand. Raised my eyebrows and wiggled them round loads just to double check.
My niece, brother, auntie and grandmother all had strokes. (I think you're ok)
Went to the toilet and made sure I could tighten my bottom muscles properly after I had been.
You mean you had a poo? :unsure:
What the hell, even writing that out is just stupid.
Grade A irrational..
Gave me a laugh though. Sorry, I don't intend to be mean, it's just I now have an image of you doing the Homer Simpson buttocks dance. :D (you will laugh about this too one day)
I keep wanting to weigh myself, I’m getting that urge and I keep getting that voice that says do it do it, but I don’t dare because if I have lost anymore I’ll freak out. What a joyful way to live.
Take your medication mate. How do you expect to feel any better unless you at least try them?
My niece, brother, auntie and grandmother all had strokes. (I think you're ok)
You mean you had a poo? :unsure:
Grade A irrational.
Gave me a laugh though. Sorry, I don't intend to be mean, it's just I now have an image of you doing the Homer Simpson buttocks dance. :D (you will laugh about this too one day)
Take your medication mate. How do you expect to feel any better unless you at least try them?
I think I worry about a stroke everyday, sudden neurological issues is one of my worst fears.
Haha I don’t mind you laughing and comparing me to Homer, it sounds ridiculous writing it out and reading it out loud! But this is what my life is now. I’m a wuss is the only reason I have for not taking the meds. I am actively thinking about it so that’s a good thing, I haven’t totally discounted it. Everything is triggering me, adverts, seeing my own face. My own face scares me. How did I get into this pit. 7 months since this spiral started after my eye fears from having covid. When does it end, I’m tired
Everything is triggering me, adverts, seeing my own face. My own face scares me. How did I get into this pit.
Remember I said about when seeing Mary Berry on TV triggered a major panic attack? It's because you are so sensitised Chloe. Your system is on full alert. You are the human equivalent of our RING doorbell which thinks there's 'someone at the door' when a dog farts in the next street. ('smart doorbell' my arse) :lac:
Anxiety is how you got into this pit; fearful and irrational thinking. You have to think your way out again. (but first you need to at least try those meds)
Are you scared they won't work? (Or that they will?) Is it potential side effects? What is your fear?
7 months since this spiral started after my eye fears from having covid. When does it end, I’m tired
It ends when you decide that you've had enough of living in fear, and this thought needs to come from your heart, not just your head. You have to want to get well and to be determined to do whatever it takes. I tried numerous anxiety meds (inc beta blockers) before I had to give up but I do have a chemical sensitivity which affects a lot more than just medication. I had to learn how to slow my heart rate down naturally. How do you expect to even begin to do feel better when you refuse to take those meds? The idea is that they will lower your anxiety levels enough for you to engage with therapy - which is where the important work begins. I had to do this without meds and at breakdown level, so you can absolutely do this if you set your mind to it..
I went to see Maverick last week. A very exciting film. Tom Cruise? Still would. Anyhoo, 3/4 of the way in, my stomach hit the floor and I got the chills and my heart started banging like a barn door in a gale. I was having a panic attack. A few years ago I would have bolted out of my seat and legged it out the doors. But I've done the work so I sat there slowing my breathing and heart rate down. I wasn't scared at all. I was more annoyed at being distracted during an exciting part in the film! This is cinema; there isn't an option to press pause. And leaving wasn't an option for me either because I know what that does psychologically. You have to stay in the situation and deal with it. Nobody knew what was happening to me, not my husband who was on one side of me, or my son who was on the other. I didn't even bother telling my husband that I'd had one. This is what happens when we do the work and put the effort in. Shit happens but we don't add fear, and for me it was all over in under a minute..
You have to want out of this with every fibre of your being Chloe, and I'm not entirely convinced that you actually do want out. People have all kinds of reasons for staying down the hole. It's easier, attention, comfort, or that it's been their narrative for that long that they can't see any other way. Only you know what's in your head..
I'm trying to give you the skills that helped to get me in control of my HA. Challenging thoughts works. Reframing works. Medication (when it works) is helpful and I have historically been helped by anxiety meds. Accepting death as part of life works. Acceptance is kryptonite to HA. Everybody is giving you great advice but none of us can make you to act on it or even want to get well. Only you know what's going on here..
You have to want out of this with every fibre of your being Chloe, and I'm not entirely convinced that you actually do want out. People have all kinds of reasons for staying down the hole. It's easier, attention, comfort, or that it's been their narrative for that long that they can't see any other way. Only you know what's in your head..
Chloe, this is why I struggle to engage with you any more. I just don't get the impression that you actually want to recover, and while I'm keen to help, I don't have the resources to deal with emotional vampirism.
I think I worry about a stroke everyday, sudden neurological issues is one of my worst fears.
Haha I don’t mind you laughing and comparing me to Homer, it sounds ridiculous writing it out and reading it out loud! But this is what my life is now. I’m a wuss is the only reason I have for not taking the meds. I am actively thinking about it so that’s a good thing, I haven’t totally discounted it. Everything is triggering me, adverts, seeing my own face. My own face scares me. How did I get into this pit. 7 months since this spiral started after my eye fears from having covid. When does it end, I’m tired
I presume that a psychiatrist and not a psychologist is prescribing you the escitalopram? They just prescribe meds and will expect you to take them if you want to continue seeing them.I think you should be honest and say that you don't want to take meds if this is the case as otherwise you are wasting the psychiatrist's time and your appointment could be offered to someone else who wants to take meds.
WorryRaptor
27-06-22, 09:38
No they are sat in the medicine cupboard. I’m petrified to take them
You have to put that fear aside and just try Chlobo.
Accept that there will be some side effects, and give yourself the chance to feel better.
I know I need medication, that’s the crap thing, I have been medicated for 10 years. This is the first time I have ever been med free in that time. I just can’t live a normal life, I want to enjoy my days with my kids but I’m just short tempered all the time because I’m always worrying. I’ve had another huge panic attack this afternoon because my nostril feels a bit numb ish, and the side of my mouth again. Numbness is such a huge trigger. My mental health worker said it’s part of my mental illness but I just feel like screaming how can it be. I’m not doing well today.
I'm sorry, but you need to take responsibility and start taking action to make yourself feel better.
I know I need medication, that’s the crap thing, I have been medicated for 10 years. This is the first time I have ever been med free in that time. I just can’t live a normal life, I want to enjoy my days with my kids but I’m just short tempered all the time because I’m always worrying. I’ve had another huge panic attack this afternoon because my nostril feels a bit numb ish, and the side of my mouth again. Numbness is such a huge trigger. My mental health worker said it’s part of my mental illness but I just feel like screaming how can it be. I’m not doing well today.
All these symptoms are due to the stress response and you will keep experiencing them unless you do calm yourself down or take your medication..
Stop making excuses and take the meds. In the mouth with it, swig of water and knock it back. This is you helping yourself. And if you can't do this for yourself, look at your kids and do it for them..
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