View Full Version : I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes
Chlobo, if what you're experiencing were to be happening to one of your children (obviously when they are older than they are now), what would you say to them? I think you would reassure them, you would tell them to try the tablets and you would tell that you would help them through it. Try doing that to yourself, self sooth, positive mantras, pretend you're talking to one of your children (in your head). Worth a try.
Excellent advice Catkins...
WorryRaptor
30-06-22, 12:01
How's it going today, Chlobo?
How's it going today, Chlobo?
Hi worry, I’m not good.
I really don’t feel well mentally.
I’m so anxious. I keep having panic attacks. My face keeps twitching, I keep feeling like I need to raise my eyebrows to see if my facial muscles work okay. My whole forehead feels tense and stiff. I’ve been in tears multiple times today. Everything I’m feeling right now is scaring me
Have you started the new meds yet?
FMP
WorryRaptor
01-07-22, 21:04
Hi worry, I’m not good.
I really don’t feel well mentally.
I’m so anxious. I keep having panic attacks. My face keeps twitching, I keep feeling like I need to raise my eyebrows to see if my facial muscles work okay. My whole forehead feels tense and stiff. I’ve been in tears multiple times today. Everything I’m feeling right now is scaring me
I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad, Chlobo. All of those sensations you mentioned are very commonly caused by anxiety. A stiff forehead is a classic sign of tension, as is twitching.
Have you started your meds yet?
I haven’t taken them yet.
That’s good advice about self soothing. I have tried that one. It does actually help to comfort. I’ve had to do it this morning because I made a cup of tea and then I went and sorted my daughter out who’s going out today for the day, so packed her bag and helped her dress. Then I went and made another cup of tea?! I turned around and the one I had made 15 mins earlier was sat on the side. That sort of thing really worries me, like I’m having memory loss. So not not a great start to the morning really. I’m not sure if I had forgot I had made it, I just went and did it automatically. The other morning I couldn’t remember if I had made my daughter breakfast too, I was getting them ready for school and I asked her and she said yes I had made it but I couldn’t really remember the act of doing it, and now this thing with the cup of tea. It’s very anxiety inducing
Chlobo, if what you're experiencing were to be happening to one of your children (obviously when they are older than they are now), what would you say to them? I think you would reassure them, you would tell them to try the tablets and you would tell that you would help them through it. Try doing that to yourself, self sooth, positive mantras, pretend you're talking to one of your children (in your head). Worth a try.
Thanks catkins, this is a nice idea
I haven’t taken them yet.
That’s good advice about self soothing. I have tried that one. It does actually help to comfort. I’ve had to do it this morning because I made a cup of tea and then I went and sorted my daughter out who’s going out today for the day, so packed her bag and helped her dress. Then I went and made another cup of tea?! I turned around and the one I had made 15 mins earlier was sat on the side. That sort of thing really worries me, like I’m having memory loss. So not not a great start to the morning really. I’m not sure if I had forgot I had made it, I just went and did it automatically. The other morning I couldn’t remember if I had made my daughter breakfast too, I was getting them ready for school and I asked her and she said yes I had made it but I couldn’t really remember the act of doing it, and now this thing with the cup of tea. It’s very anxiety inducing
Not unless you want to make it anxiety inducing. It's just multi tasking and doing things on auto pilot.
Not unless you want to make it anxiety inducing. It's just multi tasking and doing things on auto pilot.
Whilst doing everything in a state of extreme anxiety - how on earth would you expect your brain to focus on things to the best of your ability when a good proportion of your thinking is taken up with fear ? Anxiety is very well known for causing a lack of focus and memory lapses. These types of things, those you have mentioned above, happen to people all the time - they are part of being human.
Thank you for the replies.
I’m scared this evening, I sometimes get a ‘weak feeling in my arm. I actually remember having it before a few years ago. Last year it happened and I rang an ambulance because it scared me so much as it happened suddenly. I’m really fixating on neurological problems and I’m getting waves of fear through my stomach. I don’t feel safe, I feel so so bad. My body constantly feels strange. I am petrified of brain tumours as you all know and tonight I’m just stuck on thinking about them
Thank you for the replies.
I’m scared this evening, I sometimes get a ‘weak feeling in my arm. I actually remember having it before a few years ago. Last year it happened and I rang an ambulance because it scared me so much as it happened suddenly. I’m really fixating on neurological problems and I’m getting waves of fear through my stomach. I don’t feel safe, I feel so so bad. My body constantly feels strange. I am petrified of brain tumours as you all know and tonight I’m just stuck on thinking about them
Have you thought about starting the meds? I keep asking because you have a way out of the self induced torment and professionals are trying to help you yet you refuse to try! :lac: Thing is, the alternative is staying exactly where you are! Isn't at least worth a try if it will get you a step closer to some peace?
FMP
You're doing absolutely nothing to help yourself; you're pretty much embracing your health anxiety. Have you considered the possibility that there's something else in your life, a void that the HA is filling?
I haven’t started the meds. I want too but I know how they make me feel, it isn’t in my head and I feel very physically affected. I keep wondering if I can carry on without meds and maybe my brain will just cope without them? I don’t know.
I’m on a support group and people are encouraging me to take them but I can’t just stick a tablet in my gob and swallow unfortunately, it just isn’t how my mind works. Each day I’m building myself to try and take it.
If my fears were totally irrational maybe I could really push myself to work on them, but reality is my fears aren’t irrational. We can get sick and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It’s the fear of the unknown and dying and death, how I’m going to die one day. It scares the crap out of me. And I’m almost convinced it’ll be from cancer. I feel like a ticking time bomb. If my worries we’re about an alien landing in my back garden and beaming me up it would be a lot easier to tell myself I'm being stupid. As Nora has said a million times to me it’s about accepting death and accepting illness as a possibility but I just can’t, not without fear.
WorryRaptor
04-07-22, 23:20
Each day I’m building myself to try and take it. This will likely only result in the fear becoming stronger every time to build it up. You need to just take it.
I can’t just stick a tablet in my gob and swallow unfortunately Yes, you can. Thousands of other people with the same anxiety have done so.
Nora has said a million times to me it’s about accepting death and accepting illness as a possibility but I just can’t, not without fear. It's not about not feeling fear any more. It's simply about accepting. Everybody fears the end. Nobody wants to become ill. That's just being human. But when you accept it, it doesn't have a hold over the life you do live. What's the point in sitting and fearing death other than to waste the time you have to live?
BlueIris made a really good point, Chlobo. Have you asked yourself what void your HA could be filling?
What’s that John Wayne quote? “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway”?
It comes down to knowing that some things are uncertain, and you may have some side effects when starting the meds. But there is life on the other side of this, Chlo, and the side effects won’t last forever. You just need to saddle up and ride through.
I understand - I’m dealing with a lot of fear and anxiety right now myself (not health related). I have to remind myself that there is life on the other side nearly a hundred times a day. But I have to push through, and I will, and you will too.
Maybe try the meds with the knowledge that if you have side effects that you have online and in person support to help you?
If my fears were totally irrational maybe I could really push myself to work on them, but reality is my fears aren’t irrational. We can get sick and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. It’s the fear of the unknown and dying and death, how I’m going to die one day. It scares the crap out of me.
All of this is irrational, Chloe..
People do get sick but there's a LOT that doctors (and medicine) can do (not to mention our own mentality in terms of lowering our stress levels, therefore decreasing pain and enabling healing)
Also, getting sick doesn't mean that we will die from whatever it is that we have. The reality is the opposite. Generally we get sick and don't die. All three of my sons had life threatening illnesses/conditions as kids; none died. My brother wasn't supposed to live past ten years of age; he's in his 60s now. The NHS saved my life and my mum's. They did their best to help my dad but HE had left it too late to get help because he avoided going to the doctors. They were able to help with his pain though and he passed peacefully. It's irrational to say that 'there's nothing anyone can do'. Even with terminally ill people, doctors can do a lot to alleviate pain. My FIL and friend were terminally ill too and their pain was well managed. Both passed peacefully, and there's a lot to be said for a peaceful death. All your fears come from your imagination, rather than information and by that I mean not the kind that comes from Googling symptoms..
Death isn't the unknown; it's going to happen and to all of us. The unknown is when and how. The alternative is that nobody ever died and the planet would soon become overcrowded with every resource exhausted and we would die out as a species. We were only ever meant to be here for a short time (short in terms of the age of the planet) and we've already beaten the odds by being faster than all the other sperms. You fought to be here. We all did. And we did it without fear..
And I’m almost convinced it’ll be from cancer. I feel like a ticking time bomb. If my worries we’re about an alien landing in my back garden and beaming me up it would be a lot easier to tell myself I'm being stupid. As Nora has said a million times to me it’s about accepting death and accepting illness as a possibility but I just can’t, not without fear.
Again, not everybody dies from cancer.. (and survival rates are improving all the time)
The life that you fought to have is being wasted by your irrational fears. Nobody is to blame for this but you. It's too easy to keep on saying, 'I can't, it's too hard'. You've yet to put the work in...
You won't even try your medication. I have multiple chemical sensitivity but I at least try. So I have to ask... what scares you more? Feeling worse, or feeling better?
Are you scared of losing your identity if you no longer worry about dying? Being at a loose end in terms of what occupies your mind?
Everybody fears the end. Nobody wants to become ill. That's just being human. But when you accept it, it doesn't have a hold over the life you do live. What's the point in sitting and fearing death other than to waste the time you have to live?
Acceptance is something it took me years to get to, many painful years that were lived like yours Chlobo. The sooner you get to it, acceptance, the happier and healthier you will be. I can't improve on anything Nora has said (I never can LOL), read it and read it.
Well I’ve always been this way so maybe it scares me to feel any different? Who knows, it’s a puzzle even for me to try and understand.
I’ve taken my first tablet today, no going back now. I just hope they don’t make me feel like the Duloxetine did. But trial and error, we will see
All of this is irrational, Chloe..
People do get sick but there's a LOT that doctors (and medicine) can do (not to mention our own mentality in terms of lowering our stress levels, therefore decreasing pain and enabling healing)
Also, getting sick doesn't mean that we will die from whatever it is that we have. The reality is the opposite. Generally we get sick and don't die. All three of my sons had life threatening illnesses/conditions as kids; none died. My brother wasn't supposed to live past ten years of age; he's in his 60s now. The NHS saved my life and my mum's. They did their best to help my dad but HE had left it too late to get help because he avoided going to the doctors. They were able to help with his pain though and he passed peacefully. It's irrational to say that 'there's nothing anyone can do'. Even with terminally ill people, doctors can do a lot to alleviate pain. My FIL and friend were terminally ill too and their pain was well managed. Both passed peacefully, and there's a lot to be said for a peaceful death. All your fears come from your imagination, rather than information and by that I mean not the kind that comes from Googling symptoms..
Death isn't the unknown; it's going to happen and to all of us. The unknown is when and how. The alternative is that nobody ever died and the planet would soon become overcrowded with every resource exhausted and we would die out as a species. We were only ever meant to be here for a short time (short in terms of the age of the planet) and we've already beaten the odds by being faster than all the other sperms. You fought to be here. We all did. And we did it without fear..
Again, not everybody dies from cancer.. (and survival rates are improving all the time)
The life that you fought to have is being wasted by your irrational fears. Nobody is to blame for this but you. It's too easy to keep on saying, 'I can't, it's too hard'. You've yet to put the work in...
You won't even try your medication. I have multiple chemical sensitivity but I at least try. So I have to ask... what scares you more? Feeling worse, or feeling better?
I agree, gutting isn’t it? When you
Sit and think about the years that have gone past where you were convinced you had some awful disease. Spent your days crying, running to the doctors and all for nothing.
It’s a kick in the stomach really.
It’s one question that I was asked in CBT once. Do you think if you get sick it’ll be incurable? Would you survive it. I always answer negatively on these questions. I took my 8yr old for a hospital appointment on Tuesday, it took all my strength to deal with sitting there in the hospital. Not because I was worried about my daughter she had a routine appointment for some hormone tests. But because I was in a hospital my anxiety shot up, I sat chatting and laughing with my daughter while inside I was screaming get me out of this hellish place. I just want to be able to do these things without fear.
You're the one with the key to this, Chloe. It's not just going to happen on its own. A lot of people have the same response as you to being in a hospital - I go to ridiculous lengths to avoid it myself, and it's one of a number of reasons I chose not to have kids.
Fear isn't a tragedy, though, it's just bloody uncomfortable. I had a massive panic attack last night, nausea, cold sweats, heart beating out of my chest. I couldn't run from the situation (shamefully, I did try, but I had a colleague who wanted to share a taxi) so I just had to sit with it and accept it. It didn't completely go away until I got home, but in the grand scale of things it was just a mildly unpleasant event.
Take your meds, learn acceptance (the meds will really help on this) and stop dramatising your personal narrative. Our brain is very plastic and by letting the fear take up house room you're establishing it as a default state. Find a more enjoyable inner housemate instead.
I agree, gutting isn’t it? When you
Sit and think about the years that have gone past where you were convinced you had some awful disease. Spent your days crying, running to the doctors and all for nothing.
It’s a kick in the stomach really.
Or you can use this to change your narrative to one where you know what imagination can do and use this as a way of challenging your thoughts, as in, 'I've been here before' instead of flying straight to 'I'm dying this time for sure!'..
It’s one question that I was asked in CBT once. Do you think if you get sick it’ll be incurable? Would you survive it. I always answer negatively on these questions.
At first, I answered these questions negatively too but I engaged with therapy; put the work in, and now I have different answers..
You answer negatively because it's become your automatic response. You don't question your thoughts...
If I get sick, it doesn't mean that I will die from it. Death is the least likely outcome. I've been sick numerous times throughout my life but my body looks after me and when it needs a little help doctors look after me. (But I will die one day)
Cancer doesn't mean death. (My mum, aunty & BIL had cancer and survived it so why shouldn't I - especially when survival rates are improving all the time?)
Death is literally all around us. It's in the seasons; it's in hospitals, homes, and hospices; it's in songs, movies and literature. It can be (and often is) beautiful. It can be down to interpretation. One person's idea of death is a Cert 18 slasher movie. For others, it's Ghost, Field of Dreams, or Soul. What a wonderful film Soul is? Have you seen it? It's nudged UP to become my favourite Pixar movie..
That said, you haven't actually answered my question..
I asked you what scares you most, as in, feeling worse or feeling better? This is one of those uncomfortable questions where we need to dig deep because there is gain to be had with pain and suffering where people realise that being ill (mentally or physically) brings them a comfort or attention that they may not have previously had. This doesn't make them bad; it makes them human. It doesn't mean that they chose to become mentally or physically unwell (that's not how this works) but it does mean they won't be able to help themselves effectively if they feel they have something to lose by doing so..
I took my 8yr old for a hospital appointment on Tuesday, it took all my strength to deal with sitting there in the hospital. Not because I was worried about my daughter she had a routine appointment for some hormone tests. But because I was in a hospital my anxiety shot up, I sat chatting and laughing with my daughter while inside I was screaming get me out of this hellish place. I just want to be able to do these things without fear.
I have anxiety in any medical setting. I have White Coat Syndrome where my blood pressure flies up so I promise myself a treat after every appointment, even if it's just a brew in Costa. This way, my brain is learning to associate hospitals, dentists, and doctors surgeries with something pleasant. I'm realistic here. I don't tell myself that I want to anxiety free in these situations because that's an impossible ask; I'd have to have a brain transplant for that to happen. Or be dead (ha ha) so I acknowledge that I am going to be anxious but that time will pass and I will soon be dunking a biscuit (or two) into my brew in Costa. Give yourself impossible expectations and you will always fall short...
You're the one with the key to this, Chloe. It's not just going to happen on its own. A lot of people have the same response as you to being in a hospital - I go to ridiculous lengths to avoid it myself, and it's one of a number of reasons I chose not to have kids.
Fear isn't a tragedy, though, it's just bloody uncomfortable. I had a massive panic attack last night, nausea, cold sweats, heart beating out of my chest. I couldn't run from the situation (shamefully, I did try, but I had a colleague who wanted to share a taxi) so I just had to sit with it and accept it. It didn't completely go away until I got home, but in the grand scale of things it was just a mildly unpleasant event.
Take your meds, learn acceptance (the meds will really help on this) and stop dramatising your personal narrative. Our brain is very plastic and by letting the fear take up house room you're establishing it as a default state. Find a more enjoyable inner housemate instead.
This is an excellent post, Blue. I just wonder what you think you will gain from continuing to resist treatment for HA, Chloe, when you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to engage with professional MH services? Or maybe this is not really the case?
I have anxiety in any medical setting. I have White Coat Syndrome where my blood pressure flies up so I promise myself a treat after every appointment, even if it's just a brew in Costa. This way, my brain is learning to associate hospitals, dentists, and doctors surgeries with something pleasant. I'm realistic here. I don't tell myself that I want to anxiety free in these situations because that's an impossible ask; I'd have to have a brain transplant for that to happen. Or be dead (ha ha) so I acknowledge that I am going to be anxious but that time will pass and I will soon be dunking a biscuit (or two) into my brew in Costa. Give yourself impossible expectations and you will always fall short...
Nora, this part is great. If I can get to the point where I can acknowledge that there'll actually be a point where I can do something enjoyable after an appointment (which is the bloody hard part, even a meds check appointment is always The End Of My Life) I know that battle's almost won. Not sure I'll ever win the war, but that's not the point.
Maybe it shouldn't be seen as a "battle" either? More mind games and a subtle way around them? Something which doesn't involve "fighting" all the time because that is so exhausting. It's ok not to be a fighter all the time.
Good point. I always discourage others from using that language so I should start following my own example.
I just think that the fighter mentality puts so much pressure on the person in distress. It's unhelpful and unrealistic and you just beat yourself up if you don't "succeed". What is success anyway if standards are unrealistic?
I just think that the fighter mentality puts so much pressure on the person in distress. It's unhelpful and unrealistic and you just beat yourself up if you don't "succeed". What is success anyway if standards are unrealistic?
There's an interesting study which identified two 'codes' with MH; those who fight to get better and those who give up, and by this they mean handing responsibility over to MH professionals and family members rather than them being motivated to get better. They're not talking about instances where people are sectioned and have no choice, they're talking about individuals who make the conscious choice to stay as they are because it benefits them to do so and/or because they have resigned themselves to having MH problems for the rest of their lives, therefore they see no point in putting the effort in to help themselves..
Also of interest was how many of the 'fighters' interviewed initiated their own recovery by making a conscious decision to get better..
In my case, I am a fighter. But I also know that I will have MH all my life (because autism and MH issues go hand in hand) This is a battle. It always has been; it probably always will be. Because my brain isn't compatible with this world so I have to fight to stay here. Not only this, but now I have a chronic health condition to cope with (which is shite)
To describe my existence as anything other than a fight or battle would feel like a lie..
I get what you're saying P, but the fighter mentality helps me. It spurs me on. There's always a battle going on within in me, or around me, and I can hide behind the proverbial bunker for the duration or I can give it some welly with the proverbial war paint and the ARRRRRGGGGHHHHSSSS!!! (in my imagination there are loads of f words in my battle cry) :ohmy:
I also have people to fight for; they call me mum (and grandma). And my husband (when he isn't annoying me)..
Before I had children, (and long before I was diagnosed autistic) I had hope of being able to overcome my issues. My motivation was to be like everybody else :whistles:so I worked hard to try and achieve this. I never managed it, obvs - despite my very best efforts and acting skills. (That was me for the best part of 17 years..)
Then I became a mum..
When I was technically still a kid myself, I heaved out an incredibly angry looking 8lb baby boy and loved him so much that I felt my heart would burst and he became my reason for staying and fighting on. I felt like I could take on the world and its army when that little dude eyeballed me and gripped my finger..:shades:
Slight 'blip' in-between boys two and three but that was because I was clinically depressed (and when I give up I really give up) but I managed to turn myself around and on with the battle..
So, in terms of that study, I appear to stray into both areas. I know I will always have MH issues, and I will always have to fight, but it's ok; it's all I've ever known.:shrug: My book shelves literally heave under the weight of self-help books and I try everything and anything. Always have; probably always will. And some things work but most things don't. But I would roll around in fox shit, naked (singing Bonkers) if I thought it would make one teensy bit of difference to my existence..
So, yeah, the battle/fight thing works for me. I am my own Sergeant Major and when I've spent a couple of days in bed feeling sorry for myself - on the meds and sobbing pathetically into a family size bag of Maltesers - I hear Windsor Davis' voice shouting, 'MOVE YOURSELF, MOVE YOURSELF!!
I see us all on here as fighting our own battles, and I, for one, look totes fab in combat trousers and paratrooper boots! :yesyes:
WorryRaptor
07-07-22, 16:17
Seconding Nora on this. Seeing it as a fight is a huge motivator for me. I think it really depends on the persons own experience and personality. For me personally, a lot of my mental health struggles came from not having control over things happened to me as a child. I never got to make decisions in those things, my choices were taken away from me. My voice was ignored, and I never had solid ground to stand on. Taking that control back is huge for me as an adult. I NEED that fire in my belly to overcome what I'm up against. When I get mad, I push through, and I succeed. I feel strong, and I feel safe when I'm fighting, even if there's a chance I'll lose. I'm definitely all about the battle cry!
I understand that other people need approach it differently, depending on their needs, and there is no one size fits all.
I understand completely what you are saying/describing, Nora. It's just that I prefer to think of myself as someone who has motivation. I have OCD to thank for this. It keeps me going:D.
I understand completely what you are saying/describing, Nora. It's just that I prefer to think of myself as someone who has motivation. I have OCD to thank for this. It keeps me going:D.
Wish I could say the same about mine... Keeps me fit though - all the stairs climbing to check those sockets..:yesyes:
Yesterday was especially problematic. I went down into town to socialise with my friend so, anxiety. I did my usual five trips up and downstairs to do the checks. I'd shut the pooch in the kitchen, given her the Bonio, GOT TO THE CAR, and then my brain argued with my eyes (again) and I was back in the house (confusing the shit out of the dog) STOMPING up the stairs calling myself a lunatic. (Got down on my hands and knees to physically touch each socket on an extension to make sure there wasn't a plug in there)
Saw my mate on the car park and she had to stand there while I locked/unlocked/locked/unlocked/locked the car..:huh:
Then we went for a brew and discussed the demise of Boris Johnson, our inability to enjoy holidays, and watching Dr Popper. :shades:
I'm like this too with checking. You've got to laugh about it really and just allow more time to "escape" the house! Must look ridiculous to onlookers though.
Ahhhhhhhh thats so me - brain not believing eyes LOL PLugs, sockets, checking......just like you LOL
WorryRaptor
08-07-22, 12:52
I have a spicy combo of OCD and ADHD. I've learned to embrace the chaos. :D
I try to take a photo in my mind of a "safe" socket then walk away as quickly as I can..The first few minutes after leaving the house are hell and some days I can carry on and some days I have to go back, rinse and repeat..There used to be a man who lived opposite who obviously had similar problems and I'd watch him and urge him on to leave the house..He rarely could sadly.
I try to take a photo in my mind of a "safe" socket then walk away as quickly as I can..The first few minutes after leaving the house are hell and some days I can carry on and some days I have to go back, rinse and repeat..There used to be a man who lived opposite who obviously had similar problems and I'd watch him and urge him on to leave the house..He rarely could sadly.
That’s so sad about your neighbour.
I watched my sister leave the house today. The door knob and lock took an age. Counting comes into it too, how many times should she push down and pull. I think it was 4.:weep: She said the lock was dodgy and she had to make doubly sure it was locked.
Yeah, you can’t kid a kidder as I told her.
It's very hard to admit to these things when you're older, I find..I've been secretive all my adult life about my food issues which are very much linked in with OCD..There's a sense of shame that you've haven't managed to crack it when you "should" have..
I try to take a photo in my mind of a "safe" socket then walk away as quickly as I can..The first few minutes after leaving the house are hell and some days I can carry on and some days I have to go back, rinse and repeat..There used to be a man who lived opposite who obviously had similar problems and I'd watch him and urge him on to leave the house..He rarely could sadly.
You've just given me an idea..
I have an extension that is particularly problematic because it's the one I use for my straighteners etc. I often freak out about this one, especially when we're going out for a few hours (this was the one I was down on my hands and knees with the other day) I could take an actual picture of it on my phone and when the doubts start creeping in I can prove to myself that I've switched everything off!
We bought some Alexa plugs too but I don't trust the woman. She's hit and miss with the plug in the sunroom as it is and I've had many an argument with her about not turning off the fan when asked. :whistles:
Thank you P!
Re having to back to the house, this has been me on countless occasions including one day where I was with my brother and his wife and we were 40 miles into a trip to the seaside when I freaked out that I'd left my curling tongues on (despite the checks which happen regardless of where I am). Needless to say, the anxiety got too much and I made him drive back to the house. In reality, the house was fine; I'd switched the damn things off..:whistles: Brother dude wasn't very pleased with his little sister...:unsure: (his Mrs wasn't too chuffed either)
For the past 15 years my OCD has served me well because my husband has a habit of leaving things on and doors unlocked, so my OCD cancels out his recklessness with our home..:)
It's wretched responsibility, I reckon, and the potential guilt from being the person who caused the "disaster/tragedy".
I'm bad with my iron..Even if I haven't switched it on!!:D
Glad I could help with the pictures element, Nora. Portable visual "proof" may put paid to those unwanted and intrusive doubts?
It's wretched responsibility, I reckon, and the potential guilt from being the person who caused the "disaster/tragedy".
I'm bad with my iron..Even if I haven't switched it on!!:D
I'm the same with the heater in the sunroom. It's not even plugged in from April to September but I still touch the damn plug! This is one of the appliances that my husband has left on. :whistles: It was weird though, because I got the sense that something wasn't right and I got up at around 2am and found it still on. Sixth sense? Or my mother whispering, 'He's left the sodding heater on in the sunroom!' into my brain during sleep..:ohmy:
Glad I could help with the pictures element, Nora. Portable visual "proof" may put paid to those unwanted and intrusive doubts?
I will put this to the test today. :yesyes:
You're the one with the key to this, Chloe. It's not just going to happen on its own. A lot of people have the same response as you to being in a hospital - I go to ridiculous lengths to avoid it myself, and it's one of a number of reasons I chose not to have kids.
Fear isn't a tragedy, though, it's just bloody uncomfortable. I had a massive panic attack last night, nausea, cold sweats, heart beating out of my chest. I couldn't run from the situation (shamefully, I did try, but I had a colleague who wanted to share a taxi) so I just had to sit with it and accept it. It didn't completely go away until I got home, but in the grand scale of things it was just a mildly unpleasant event.
Take your meds, learn acceptance (the meds will really help on this) and stop dramatising your personal narrative. Our brain is very plastic and by letting the fear take up house room you're establishing it as a default state. Find a more enjoyable inner housemate instead.
Thanks blue, a really well put thought out post
I’m day 5 into the new medication now,
I’ve had blips along the way this week but I’m sticking with it. I’ll read and reply to everyone tomorrow when my eyes aren’t too tired too type.
Well done for making a start! Proud of you.
I’m day 5 into the new medication now,
I’ve had blips along the way this week but I’m sticking with it.
BEST THING I'LL READ TODAY!
Have an awkward hug from me. :bighug1:
I’m really struggling…
I’ve been getting some headaches which I’m pretty sure is a side effect of this new medication as it’s only just started up since I have started to take it.
But yesterday and today I have this horrible tight pressure in my head, like my brain is expanding. It’s scaring me a lot.
I have never felt this before, I had no headache yesterday just this awful feeling of pressure inside my head all day pretty much constantly, it came on very suddenly. It’s on top of my head and down the sides.
I had a full blown panic attack yesterday, went to my friends house and stayed there for the afternoon. She told me to try not to worry and it could be a side effect of the medication. I’m scared my brain has fluid or there is something terrible causing it.
I cannot afford to have a breakdown right now
You know it's a side effect of the medication. Or the heat. Or a combo of both.
It's your HA mind that's trying to convince you otherwise..
You know it's a side effect of the medication. Or the heat. Or a combo of both.
I’m not sure Nora, it is hot. But I have never felt like this before. It’s a squeezing feeling in my head. But it’s so uncomfortable and unnerving.
Like my brain is swelling.
It's your HA mind that's trying to convince you otherwise..
I’ve messaged my mental health support worker, she’s going to call me at 11. Im really struggling to cope with the sensation. I do have a headache too and I feel nausea. All I can think of is running to A&E. I cannot lose it over this, but head symptoms are a killer for me. It triggers ptsd over my brother. I’ve been doing well at managing myself but this has knocked me for six.
I’ve messaged my mental health support worker, she’s going to call me at 11. Im really struggling to cope with the sensation. I do have a headache too and I feel nausea. All I can think of is running to A&E. I cannot lose it over this, but head symptoms are a killer for me. It triggers ptsd over my brother. I’ve been doing well at managing myself but this has knocked me for six.
I’m not sure why half of my message went into your reply above. But I’m begging for this to go away.
WorryRaptor
12-07-22, 10:35
I've had head pressure ever since the heatwave started. It can be caused by lots of things. Dried out or irritated sinuses, ears, head and neck tension, and medication. I'm sure it will settle down soon. The pattern you described sounds really like tension.
I've had head pressure ever since the heatwave started. It can be caused by lots of things. Dried out or irritated sinuses, ears, head and neck tension, and medication. I'm sure it will settle down soon. The pattern you described sounds really like tension.
It’s so scary. It keeps coming in waves. Just sudden head pressure creeping all over my scalp. And it’s really strong sometimes. Like my head is going to pop
If I'm completely honest I often get this head pressure thing with anxiety in general a lot. When I last increased my dose of AD's it felt worse because of the dosage change. Having said that I can also get it when I'm dehydrated and/or have sinus or allergy problems.
If I'm completely honest I often get this head pressure thing with anxiety in general a lot. When I last increased my dose of AD's it felt worse because of the dosage change. Having said that I can also get it when I'm dehydrated and/or have sinus or allergy problems.
Hi catkins, it’s either the meds or a brain issue. Did yours feel like your head was being squeezed?
It’s a squeezing feeling and so much pressure.
I’ve actually looked in the group I’m on for Escitalopram and a few people have mentioned the same thing and said they have experienced it. I really don’t want to run to A&E, not again.
I’m just scared as usual, trying to do my normal routine with fear is hard!
So what would you say if you went to A&E again with head pressure this time? What would your mental health support worker tell you to do?
Is it helpful being in a group where people discuss their symptoms on a particular drug?
Chlobo, whenever I've had that feeling it does pass. Take paracetamol and give it time, there is no need to go to A & E.
it’s either the meds or a brain issue.
The least likely cause is a brain issue. The most likely cause is medication side-effects which will wear off. But there's also the extreme weather (heat) and anxiety to consider in this mix and anxiety alone can cause this symptom. I get 'pressure heads' in certain weather, so I know when there's a storm coming (human barometer) and this is because weather changes trigger chemical and electrical changes in the brain, irritating nerves, and causing headaches and pressure sensations. I also have allergies/sinus issues which affect my head pressure wise too.
Going to A&E is NOT the answer. You don't have an emergency health issue and you would be wasting time which could be spent on people who do have a medical emergency. Plus, you are opening yourself up to picking up a virus just sitting in the waiting room of a hospital and then you'd have to deal with that on top of everything else. As your MH worker keeps telling you; this is a problem with your mind and A&E is not the right place for mental health issues. The emergency doctors are not trained to deal with MH issues; they're there to deal with things that get stuck in orifices, broken limbs, and give emergency treatment to people who are really poorly.
Most importantly, every time you rock up to A&E you are telling your brain that you can't cope and there is a 'danger to your life'. There isn't; it's severe anxiety and medication side-effects but your brain doesn't know this; it acts on your thoughts - which is also why thinking positively triggers the good hormones!
By staying where you are, and challenging your thoughts, you'd be instructing your brain that you're coping and it will ease up on the stress hormones and you will feel less shite..
Remember that thoughts are not facts... (if they were, Tom Hardy would have a restraining order out on me right now) :ohmy:
Fact: you've started a new medication and you're experiencing a known side effect. That's all your brain needs to know..
Also fact: the weather is hot and humid and this may be contributing to how you feel as it commonly affects lots of people (especially when they have become sensitised due to chronic anxiety)
I’m just scared as usual, trying to do my normal routine with fear is hard!
You're not giving your brain anything to work on except that being scared is your 'norm'..
Yes, being scared all the time is hard, but you know what's even harder? Trying to work against those irrational thoughts. (but ultimately, it's worth it)
Another thing: your posts are perfectly coherent - something that you most likely find very hard to do if there was an actual issue with your brain..
Every time you come on here (or with any other group) and symptom dump (etc) you are instructing your brain to fire out more stress hormones. How do you honestly expect to feel when your body is trying to get used to a new medication and you're adding to the problem by constantly scaring yourself, minus any real evidence that there's anything psychically wrong with your brain? Your 'evidence' is something that happened to your brother, and that's his story, not yours. Your story is that you have a mental health condition and you need this medication so you can engage with therapy, so keep taking the pills (every day is a day closer to feeling better) and distract yourself by being active. Do stuff with your kid. Do some housework. Whatever. Just don't sit there and indulge your HA mind...
Every time you come on here (or with any other group) and symptom dump (etc) you are instructing your brain to fire out more stress hormones. How do you honestly expect to feel when your body is trying to get used to a new medication and you're adding to the problem by constantly scaring yourself, minus any real evidence that there's anything psychically wrong with your brain? Your 'evidence' is something that happened to your brother, and that's his story, not yours. Your story is that you have a mental health condition and you need this medication so you can engage with therapy, so keep taking the pills (every day is a day closer to feeling better) and distract yourself by being active. Do stuff with your kid. Do some housework. Whatever. Just don't sit there and indulge your HA mind...
This is what I keep saying; Chloe, by doing what you're doing you're effectively training your brain to live in a state of perpetual terror. Anxiety's a bit like a vampire - I get that you don't have to invite it in, but if you do it's going to make itself at home. What you're doing is essentially setting out your porch with an All Vampires Welcome sign, an all-you-can-drink blood bar and then laying on your doorstep with your neck exposed. Your actions are what's causing the vampire to stay.
I really like the vampire analogy. :shades:
I have no idea where it came from, except that I'm on annual leave and so I'm spending every morning watching bad horror films rather than just weekend mornings.
Trying very hard not to fall down the HA hole myself right now (it's hot, I'm lying down all the time and drinking gallons of water, the weird dragging stomach pain is unlikely to be sudden-onset ovarian cancer) and I'm having to nip a lot of Google sprees in the bud before I get the life sucked out of me.
The anxiety vampire also tends to turn people into emotional vampires, I've noticed.
I prefer to see anxiety as an annoyance rather than as a powerful force. Then there's no need to get emotional and OTT about it.
WorryRaptor
14-07-22, 10:29
The anxiety vampire also tends to turn people into emotional vampires, I've noticed. Very true. But now I can't stop picturing anxiety as Colin Robinson the energy vampire from the show What We Do In The Shadows :roflmao:
So what would you say if you went to A&E again with head pressure this time? What would your mental health support worker tell you to do?
Is it helpful being in a group where people discuss their symptoms on a particular drug?
I’m not sure what I would say, my mental health worker told me to sit with it and not to go to A&E. She emailed the doctor and he said to continue the meds which I will do. It is and it isn’t helpful I guess, maybe reassuring to know someone has had the same sort of feeling, but unhelpful in the fact I keep going on there to search about it.
Chlobo, whenever I've had that feeling it does pass. Take paracetamol and give it time, there is no need to go to A & E.
No I’m taking regular pain killers but it isn’t actually a pain, I am getting headaches since I started the meds but this is pressure. It’s a very strange feeling. But I’m trying to muddle along
The least likely cause is a brain issue. The most likely cause is medication side-effects which will wear off. But there's also the extreme weather (heat) and anxiety to consider in this mix and anxiety alone can cause this symptom. I get 'pressure heads' in certain weather, so I know when there's a storm coming (human barometer) and this is because weather changes trigger chemical and electrical changes in the brain, irritating nerves, and causing headaches and pressure sensations. I also have allergies/sinus issues which affect my head pressure wise too.
Going to A&E is NOT the answer. You don't have an emergency health issue and you would be wasting time which could be spent on people who do have a medical emergency. Plus, you are opening yourself up to picking up a virus just sitting in the waiting room of a hospital and then you'd have to deal with that on top of everything else. As your MH worker keeps telling you; this is a problem with your mind and A&E is not the right place for mental health issues. The emergency doctors are not trained to deal with MH issues; they're there to deal with things that get stuck in orifices, broken limbs, and give emergency treatment to people who are really poorly.
Most importantly, every time you rock up to A&E you are telling your brain that you can't cope and there is a 'danger to your life'. There isn't; it's severe anxiety and medication side-effects but your brain doesn't know this; it acts on your thoughts - which is also why thinking positively triggers the good hormones!
By staying where you are, and challenging your thoughts, you'd be instructing your brain that you're coping and it will ease up on the stress hormones and you will feel less shite..
Remember that thoughts are not facts... (if they were, Tom Hardy would have a restraining order out on me right now) :ohmy:
Fact: you've started a new medication and you're experiencing a known side effect. That's all your brain needs to know..
Also fact: the weather is hot and humid and this may be contributing to how you feel as it commonly affects lots of people (especially when they have become sensitised due to chronic anxiety)
You're not giving your brain anything to work on except that being scared is your 'norm'..
Yes, being scared all the time is hard, but you know what's even harder? Trying to work against those irrational thoughts. (but ultimately, it's worth it)
Another thing: your posts are perfectly coherent - something that you most likely find very hard to do if there was an actual issue with your brain..
Every time you come on here (or with any other group) and symptom dump (etc) you are instructing your brain to fire out more stress hormones. How do you honestly expect to feel when your body is trying to get used to a new medication and you're adding to the problem by constantly scaring yourself, minus any real evidence that there's anything psychically wrong with your brain? Your 'evidence' is something that happened to your brother, and that's his story, not yours. Your story is that you have a mental health condition and you need this medication so you can engage with therapy, so keep taking the pills (every day is a day closer to feeling better) and distract yourself by being active. Do stuff with your kid. Do some housework. Whatever. Just don't sit there and indulge your HA mind...
Thank you Nora, I do read these over and over again. I’m muddling along at the moment as best I can. This is why I took so long to take the meds, I knew this would be a difficult journey. I just can’t afford to break down at the moment. So I’m pushing along as best I can.
I’m going to try and keep myself busy. Yes the evidence is my brother and I always think it will happen to me too, as I’m close to his age, we ate the same things growing up, lived in the same house. I worry it was triggered by lifestyle as a child or something that we had in the air around us like a chemical.
I’m practising my deep breathing but my face is twitching so badly, my cheeks and eyebrows I'm constantly wiggling them and smiling to stretch them.
This is what I keep saying; Chloe, by doing what you're doing you're effectively training your brain to live in a state of perpetual terror. Anxiety's a bit like a vampire - I get that you don't have to invite it in, but if you do it's going to make itself at home. What you're doing is essentially setting out your porch with an All Vampires Welcome sign, an all-you-can-drink blood bar and then laying on your doorstep with your neck exposed. Your actions are what's causing the vampire to stay.
You’re right blue, my brain is totally trained to panic. It’s like a habit. I just need support and care while I try and get through this. I feel like I’m having to fight the panic every second of the day right now. It sounds like you are struggling too. The heat definitely doesn’t help my anxiety, heat makes me feel unwell and woozy
I've had head pressure ever since the heatwave started. It can be caused by lots of things. Dried out or irritated sinuses, ears, head and neck tension, and medication. I'm sure it will settle down soon. The pattern you described sounds really like tension.
I can handle the pressure, it’s the squeezing feeling that suddenly keeps happening that’s scary. Like my brain is inflating
WorryRaptor
14-07-22, 12:50
I can handle the pressure, it’s the squeezing feeling that suddenly keeps happening that’s scary. Like my brain is inflating
The most likely culprit? Muscles! Tension, dehydration, changes in meds, and fatigue can cause them to act strangely.
As somebody with muscle tension from neck issues, I can tell you that they can cause extremely scary sensations. I've had pressure, spasms in my scalp, pain, and a few days ago, both sides of my jaw went numb, and wouldn't fully "unlock". All of this came from my neck muscles being too tense after lifting something too heavy. And what else can cause muscles to clam up like that? Anxiety and the tension that goes hand in hand with it.
The squeezing and pressure you're feeling in your head is far more likely to be muscular, sinus, or nerve related. The brain itself cannot feel pain, and if there was true, sudden pressure inside your actual skull, it wouldn't be a sensation, it would be incredibly obvious to everyone around you. You'd have symptoms which would render you unable to type, or even comprehend the act of doing so.
You need to stop jumping to the conclusion that it's an issue with your brain, because like others have said, you're just feeding a feedback loop of anxiety.
The fact you're actually feeling the squeezing and pressure, points to it being muscular tension combined with new meds, and the added bonus of the heatwave turning everyone's "I feel like shit" dials up to 100.
You’re right blue, my brain is totally trained to panic. It’s like a habit. I just need support and care while I try and get through this. I feel like I’m having to fight the panic every second of the day right now. It sounds like you are struggling too. The heat definitely doesn’t help my anxiety, heat makes me feel unwell and woozy
What kind of "support and care" do you think would help you get through each day? You said that your mum lives next door to you but it sounds as though she isn't able to give you any emotional support? This must be very tough for you with 4 young children to look after. I expect you must long for support and care of any kind?
Chlo, I don't want to just feed in and give more reassurance, but I wanted to let you know I empathize. I have gotten migraines since I was 11 (likely earlier, but they got severe when I was 11) and 99.9% of the time if I get a headache, it's a migraine. The first time I got a tension headache (which is what you are describing) I was scared to death. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, and it lasted days which was really stressful as well. I did end up Googling and asking my doctor and got the same answer both ways: classic tension headache symptoms. Very annoying, sometimes painful, scary at the time (not anymore, now that I know what it is) but just a different type of headache.
Way to go for starting the meds and keeping on them. :yesyes:
Very true. But now I can't stop picturing anxiety as Colin Robinson the energy vampire from the show What We Do In The Shadows :roflmao:
...Now I want to call my anxiety Colin. I bet it looks like a Colin. Or Evie, do you remember Evie?
I’m going to try and keep myself busy. Yes the evidence is my brother and I always think it will happen to me too, as I’m close to his age, we ate the same things growing up, lived in the same house. I worry it was triggered by lifestyle as a child or something that we had in the air around us like a chemical.
Most neurological diseases are not inherited so the chances of this happening to you are incredibly low. Unfortunately, anxiety produces a lot of neurological type symptoms so this plays into the fear..
The muscles twitches are due to stress hormones/muscle tension, Chloe. When my anxiety is particularly bad, my eye twitches so much that it feels like it's about to pop out of the socket. In reality the twitch is barely visible...
Try using a warm compress, I find it helps me...
WorryRaptor
18-07-22, 11:43
...Now I want to call my anxiety Colin. I bet it looks like a Colin. Or Evie, do you remember Evie?
Oh, Evie is a great shout!
Oh, Evie is a great shout!
I don't identify with this at all.
No, my HA/OCD is Sheila the Siren: Eats trash, has terrible Staten Island accent, but sounds SO GOOD at the time, and keeps pulling me back in...
I know she isn't, but Sheila sounds like trouble in the best possible way.
How have you been, Kyllikki?
When my health anxiety was really bad, I would frequently go to AnE for chest pain. The relief after a visit was very short lived, plus you may catch other things.
I know she isn't, but Sheila sounds like trouble in the best possible way.
How have you been, Kyllikki?
Much, much better, Blue, and how kind of you to ask!! I am now ~2 weeks into starting on the smallest dose of fluoxemine (literally the child dose, haha) and I am very happy to say it has been a game changer for me. I don't think it would have worked nearly so well without all the literal sweat and tears I poured into a year's worth of talk therapy before it, though. As many (you, Nora, pulisa, FMP, poppy, Worry Raptor, others) have said to Chloe on this thread, you really do have to get comfortable with lack of control, eventual death, and all the other really painful, difficult, horrid, ugly stuff before things get better. I did that work -- it took months -- but still found myself still going through the OCD motions of checking / "researching" without any of the emotional meltdown... so I started to meds to see if it'd help me fully extinguish the behavior... and that's exactly what it's done.
Much, much better, Blue, and how kind of you to ask!! I am now ~2 weeks into starting on the smallest dose of fluoxemine (literally the child dose, haha) and I am very happy to say it has been a game changer for me. I don't think it would have worked nearly so well without all the literal sweat and tears I poured into a year's worth of talk therapy before it, though. As many (you, Nora, pulisa, FMP, poppy, Worry Raptor, others) have said to Chloe on this thread, you really do have to get comfortable with lack of control, eventual death, and all the other really painful, difficult, horrid, ugly stuff before things get better. I did that work -- it took months -- but still found myself still going through the OCD motions of checking / "researching" without any of the emotional meltdown... so I started to meds to see if it'd help me fully extinguish the behavior... and that's exactly what it's done.
Congrats! It's so nice to see success. I feel like I've generally gotten a handle on my HA, aside from a blip here and there, I just wish I could get a better grasp on my GAD. I'm trying to use some of the same coping strategies so maybe that will help some.
WorryRaptor
19-07-22, 00:45
Much, much better, Blue, and how kind of you to ask!! I am now ~2 weeks into starting on the smallest dose of fluoxemine (literally the child dose, haha) and I am very happy to say it has been a game changer for me. I don't think it would have worked nearly so well without all the literal sweat and tears I poured into a year's worth of talk therapy before it, though. As many (you, Nora, pulisa, FMP, poppy, Worry Raptor, others) have said to Chloe on this thread, you really do have to get comfortable with lack of control, eventual death, and all the other really painful, difficult, horrid, ugly stuff before things get better. I did that work -- it took months -- but still found myself still going through the OCD motions of checking / "researching" without any of the emotional meltdown... so I started to meds to see if it'd help me fully extinguish the behavior... and that's exactly what it's done.
That's fantastic to hear!
you really do have to get comfortable with lack of control, eventual death, and all the other really painful, difficult, horrid, ugly stuff before things get better. I did that work -- it took months -- but still found myself still going through the OCD motions of checking / "researching" without any of the emotional meltdown... so I started to meds to see if it'd help me fully extinguish the behavior... and that's exactly what it's done.
Really well done on this Kyllikki. :shades:
Much, much better, Blue, and how kind of you to ask!! I am now ~2 weeks into starting on the smallest dose of fluoxemine (literally the child dose, haha) and I am very happy to say it has been a game changer for me. I don't think it would have worked nearly so well without all the literal sweat and tears I poured into a year's worth of talk therapy before it, though. As many (you, Nora, pulisa, FMP, poppy, Worry Raptor, others) have said to Chloe on this thread, you really do have to get comfortable with lack of control, eventual death, and all the other really painful, difficult, horrid, ugly stuff before things get better. I did that work -- it took months -- but still found myself still going through the OCD motions of checking / "researching" without any of the emotional meltdown... so I started to meds to see if it'd help me fully extinguish the behavior... and that's exactly what it's done.
This is pretty much exactly the same story as my own. If you're prepared to accept that bad stuff happens and your reaction is irrational, meds can just help damp things down to the point where bad habits become breakable.
Congratulations on making such fantastic progress, kyllikki. I also take a very small dose of escitalopram and do think it makes a difference even if it's a placebo effect..Who cares really if it does the trick. Every little helps.
Thank you all. I'm not going to declare victory as yet, as it's only been about 2 weeks or so, but I am really amazed that I am fully and happily getting through many days now without any health worries at all -- or at least, not the HA type (my legbone hardware is acting up again and hurts quite a bit at the moment from several hours of crouching while gardening, but I know this isn't at all life threatening :P )
I really, really hope that you too, Chole, will reach this point. It is very much possible. I never posted as much as you but it's important to me that you know I was CONSUMED by my own neurological worries and spent at least an hour a day, cumulative, testing and poking at things -- and that I did that every single day for a year, while also doing the therapy work. It definitely came in waves and hasn't been straight-line progress. But the meds helped tremendously.
Ironically, I have also experienced this "letting go" of HA during a time in which I have sprung my very own medical mystery, and also very ironically, it's to do with my eyes! I have had double vision when I look in certain directions for about a year now (that I have noticed) because my eyes can't align. It took 2 visits to the Ophthalmologist over 6 months for it to get bad enough to be noticeable and taken seriously. Originally she was more worried that I had very high ocular pressure (glaucoma) in one eye, but that resolved at the next visit. Anyway, she referred me to a neuro-optho (Chloe, it's funny to me that this would be your worst nightmare) and I finally got to see him after a 9 month wait. He was terrific and knew straight away within 5 minutes of examining me what was probably wrong, but spent a whole hour testing and explaining things to me, plus ordered a battery of blood tests and a specialized eyeball socket MRI to confirm that I have....
...Thyroid problems!
Yes, really! Your thyroid can attack your eyes! It's called thyroid eye disease.
Although the mystery is if I just *had* thyroid problems and it's now resolved, or if I still have issues. My thyroid numbers have changed rather drastically since having a kid but are still considered bog-standard "normal." The question now seems to be if they are normal for *me.* But the MRI shows I have 3 sets of enlarged muscles surrounding my eyes on both sides, and the differential diagnosis for that problem is that 95% of the time, it's your thyroid -- for the remaining 5% it's either an autoimmune issue or metastatic cancer, but the muscle set that cancer prefers to attack is *normal* in my eyes, whereas the ones that you'd expect to see effected by the thyroid are the ones which have beefed up too much in my skull! Plus I have other thyroid symptoms including ravenous hunger but slight weight loss, twitching, nervousness, and sweatiness -- and I am otherwise perfectly healthy. So, we assume that I am in the 10% of the 95% whose eyes are effected even with perfectly "normal" thyroid labs.
And to think I wasted a whole year seeing neuros when I really needed an endocrinologist for a very boring middle aged woman problem!!
Anyway, there's a very good lesson here for all: Do the work, freak out if you must, but keep doing the work -- be insistent with doctors when something really is wrong but trust them when they know their stuff -- and accept re-balancing meds if needed to get your brain back on track. You CAN do this. It's possible.
Sending love to all (especially Blue, Pulisa, Nora, poppy... you're all fantastic and I dearly hope you're all well!!)
edit for grammar!
The thyroid is a really important gland and much underestimated in terms of the problems/issues it can potentially cause if it's not performing well. I've only got half a one now but it's doing ok thanks to my endocrinologist.
Well done Kylikki!
What a pain in the bum thyroids are! Glad yours is well managed P!
I’m happy that you’ve made so much progress Ky. The tightness in my head has basically gone now thank goodness.
I chewed my finger this morning and it slightly bled, but the blood looked watery ish. I’m not sure if it was from saliva from my mouth. It’s got me into a bit of a state and a panic.
Use your logical brain, Chloe.
Hi all, blue I engaged my logical brain and I put that one to bed BUT a few things are making me anxious right now and I’m struggling with them.
Does anyone get a feeling in their thumbs where they feel stiff and they fumble? I type on my keyboard with my thumbs on my phone and sometimes my thumb feels weak and for a split second like I can’t move it to where I want to type. I panic and then wriggle my thumbs as fast as I can to make sure they move properly.
I’ve also noticed that when I smile and laugh a lot, and stretch my mouth my cheeks feel this horrible fatigue weak feeling where I have been smiling, it’s making me scared to laugh and smile a lot. It panics me so much because I’m scared it’s muscle weakness.
My friend said it’s probably because I haven’t smiled and laughed much this year because it’s obviously been a hard few months and I’m using those muscles again and stretching them. It seems like she has an excuse for every sensation I run past her. The thumb stuff is bothering me, it takes me back to last year when my arm felt weak and I called an ambulance.
Do you get annoyed when your friend makes these "excuses"? Do you think you would get more of an emotive response on here?
You're not really engaging your logical brain, Chloe - you're just being distracted by other symptoms..
These are things which we all experience. Well, I don't experience the thumb thing because that's not how I use my phone, but I get it in my index fingers.. (I'm a two finger wonder on the keyboard- sometimes one if I'm on the codeine haha)
I've smiled and felt as if my entire face was trembling. It's not what you fear it is..
Re last year, what happened when you called the ambulance?
You're not really engaging your logical brain, Chloe - you're just being distracted by other symptoms..
These are things which we all experience. Well, I don't experience the thumb thing because that's not how I use my phone, but I get it in my index fingers.. (I'm a two finger wonder on the keyboard- sometimes one if I'm on the codeine haha)
I've smiled and felt as if my entire face was trembling. It's not what you fear it is..
Re last year, what happened when you called the ambulance?
Maybe I should switch to the index finger to type, I’m not sure if it’s related to strain. What does it’s not what you fear it is mean?
Well they came and they didn’t really say a lot, they did my vitals and said they were okay but my heart rate was really high due to panic so they stayed till it went down. They said they could take me to hospital if I wanted and see what the doctors said but I declined in the end. They sat with me for ages to try and calm me down though. It still scares me now, but I’m thinking if it was anything really bad it would have progressed after over a year.
I’m just so fearful of anything neurological.
Do you get annoyed when your friend makes these "excuses"? Do you think you would get more of an emotive response on here?
Sometimes I get annoyed but then I know that’s not her fault, I’m asking for reassurance at the end of the day
Maybe I should switch to the index finger to type, I’m not sure if it’s related to strain. What does it’s not what you fear it is mean?
I mean that you're clearly still going down this brain route..
My mother was a secretary and she could type ridiculous amounts of words per minute and she developed issues with numbness in her fingers. What you're experiencing is very obviously repetitive strain injury but your HA is trying to tell you that it's something that will kill you. In classic HA style, you are catastrophising these symptoms instead of seeing them for what they are..
Well they came and they didn’t really say a lot, they did my vitals and said they were okay but my heart rate was really high due to panic so they stayed till it went down. They said they could take me to hospital if I wanted and see what the doctors said but I declined in the end. They sat with me for ages to try and calm me down though. It still scares me now, but I’m thinking if it was anything really bad it would have progressed after over a year.
I’m just so fearful of anything neurological.
When the paramedics came to me, they didn't give me any choice to go to hospital or not. They did several ECGS on me then I was carted off. That's because my heart was beating irregularly (I was having a reaction to something - not that I knew that at the time) and it was stuck on a high rate. Point is, you are scaring yourself (today) about something that happened a year ago that wasn't as dramatic as you thought it would be. The paramedics knew you were having a panic attack. Your heart rate slowed down. (mine didn't) There was nothing physically wrong with you then, and there's nothing physically wrong with you now - aside some RSI - which almost everyone has these days, even kids!
Your neurological fear has a source; your brother. It's understandable, but you're not him. Just as I'm not my brother with his heart conditions and strokes etc..
It’s funny you mentioned your heart Nora because I’m really worried about mine today. I keep getting palpitations. Today I’ve been feeling the pulse in my neck and I can actually feel my heart stop and skip a beat. It’s made me really panic. I’m up in my bedroom because the kids are being so loud and I’m frightened that something is wrong with my heart.
I’ve had palpitations more since this new medication. But the fact I can feel the skip happen in my pulse when it happens is scaring me
It’s funny you mentioned your heart Nora because I’m really worried about mine today. I keep getting palpitations. Today I’ve been feeling the pulse in my neck and I can actually feel my heart stop and skip a beat. It’s made me really panic. I’m up in my bedroom because the kids are being so loud and I’m frightened that something is wrong with my heart.
I’ve had palpitations more since this new medication. But the fact I can feel the skip happen in my pulse when it happens is scaring me
But it wasn't doing this before you read my post was it? There's nowt up with your heart. You're just fixating on it because of what I wrote. I triggered you. Apologies for that, but it also shows the power of the mind..
But it wasn't doing this before you read my post was it? There's nowt up with your heart. You're just fixating on it because of what I wrote. I triggered you. Apologies for that, but it also shows the power of the mind..
Hey Nora, I didn’t feel triggered when I read your post, so I don’t think it’s that.
I’ve had bouts of palpitations before, but not for a long time.
Today my heart is racing again, I feel breathless. My oxygen meter is at 99 so my oxygen is okay. But my heart rate just keeps getting or feeling high. It’s causing this uncomfortable in my chest and making me feel panicky. I’ve taken another propanolol this morning.
Yesterday turned into an immense panic attack, my vision went unfocused, my heart was racing and skipping beats. I ended up taking a propanolol and a diazepam because I was so frightened and eventually it calmed down. But today I feel yucky again. I’m worried.
My friend did an ecg on her Apple Watch and it said it was normal, but this was after I had taken the 40mg propanolol so I’m worried it was a false result.
WorryRaptor
29-07-22, 14:00
If you've had palpitations before, it's likely you're just focusing on them more and they feel worse than they used to. Any time I feel my pulse it pauses here and there. Breathing, movement, just your finger not making proper contact etc, can all feel like a skipped beat when you feel your pulse.
It sounds like your heart is speeding up because you're stressing out about it and one feeds into the other. It can be a bit of a vicious cycle.
My oxygen meter is at 99
You shouldn't own one, its a mistake.
Ectopic beats are so common and the more you become tense about them the more noticeable they become. Tension in the stomach area, near the vagus nerve can set them off - they are benign. I've had them since my 20s, and I'm now over 50......some days they aren't there.....some days they are there all day.
utrocket09
30-07-22, 01:07
Hey Nora, I didn’t feel triggered when I read your post, so I don’t think it’s that.
I’ve had bouts of palpitations before, but not for a long time.
Today my heart is racing again, I feel breathless. My oxygen meter is at 99 so my oxygen is okay. But my heart rate just keeps getting or feeling high. It’s causing this uncomfortable in my chest and making me feel panicky. I’ve taken another propanolol this morning.
Yesterday turned into an immense panic attack, my vision went unfocused, my heart was racing and skipping beats. I ended up taking a propanolol and a diazepam because I was so frightened and eventually it calmed down. But today I feel yucky again. I’m worried.
My friend did an ecg on her Apple Watch and it said it was normal, but this was after I had taken the 40mg propanolol so I’m worried it was a false result.
If you oxygen is 99 it is better than mine is.
Today my heart is racing again, I feel breathless. My oxygen meter is at 99 so my oxygen is okay. But my heart rate just keeps getting or feeling high. It’s causing this uncomfortable in my chest and making me feel panicky. I’ve taken another propanolol this morning.
As Cary's rightly says - people with HA shouldn't have an oxygen monitor (or ANY monitor not prescribed by their doctors) but I seriously doubt you have anything to worry about with a reading of 99%...
My friend did an ecg on her Apple Watch and it said it was normal, but this was after I had taken the 40mg propanolol so I’m worried it was a false result.
:lac:
Does your friend know you have health anxiety?
Do yourself a massive favour Chloe and don't do this again. If you're that concerned about your heart, go and speak to your doctor.
P.s, you're bound to feel 'yucky' when you're taking a concoction of drugs.. (all of which have side-effects)
It’s literally just started the last couple of days. I used my pulse ox again this morning and it said my heart rate was 45! Really panicked me. It then went up to 85 odd. I think the reading went a little weird. So now I’m scared my heart is beating too slow. Wish I hadn’t of touched it!
I had 2 ecg’s last year and one was squiffy but doctor at hospital said it was panic. The second one I had said normal but again I had taken a propanolol. Urgh I hate this. Feel like I’m about to drop dead
WorryRaptor
30-07-22, 10:42
It’s literally just started the last couple of days. I used my pulse ox again this morning and it said my heart rate was 45! Really panicked me. It then went up to 85 odd. I think the reading went a little weird. So now I’m scared my heart is beating too slow. Wish I hadn’t of touched it!
I had 2 ecg’s last year and one was squiffy but doctor at hospital said it was panic. The second one I had said normal but again I had taken a propanolol. Urgh I hate this. Feel like I’m about to drop dead
Pulse oximeters are extremely unreliable for heartrate readings. They also take a while to adjust when they take a first reading. The pulse reader is calculating what it thinks is the heartrate, so if you took a deep breath, or you moved slightly, it could have missed a beat and gave you a reading that was half your true heart rate.We have an oximeter in the house because my fiance is classed as CEV regarding Covid, and they always give us odd readings on first try. If you have no reason to own one, get rid of it, unless your doctor has advised you to keep it. It will only increase anxiety in somebody who doesn't know how to interpret readings.
Apple watches do that all the time too with their pulse tracker. When I do a workout, and go to add my cardio to my daily calorie tracker, I always notice it's taken a few isolated readings of 50bpm, 43bpm, and then one time it shot up to 210bpm! In reality, it was around 80 -140 that whole time, and the watch miscalculated.
The Apple watch ECG is useful for sinus rhythm and afib, but nothing else really, not reliably anyway. I was told to use mine to try and catch the PAC's I was having. I finally caught one, but they still had to go through all the standard tests to confirm anyway. If you're worried, see your doctor, and they can use actual medical devices to check you out.
If your heart was consistently beating too slow like that, you'd likely be unconscious.
I used my pulse ox again this morning and it said my heart rate was 45! Really panicked me. It then went up to 85 odd. I think the reading went a little weird. So now I’m scared my heart is beating too slow. Wish I hadn’t of touched it!
You were advised not to.
Okay I’ve put it away totally now.
All day my chest has felt uncomfortable and tight. I also have acid reflux, could that also contribute?
WorryRaptor
30-07-22, 18:43
Okay I’ve put it away totally now.
All day my chest has felt uncomfortable and tight. I also have acid reflux, could that also contribute?
Reflux can cause chest tightness, as can stress and anxiety.
If you're truly concerned, get it checked out.
What do you think?
I think it could, but I’m just so worried about this weird heart racing. I took propanolol today and it took my heart rate down to 65 resting and it freaked me out because I thought that was too low. I can’t win! I really like the propanolol but everything seems to induce anxiety. I’m sat here again with the oxy meter on my finger because I was relaxed on the sofa and could barely feel my pulse in my neck so I got scared and it’s at 60 again resting. It’s fluctuating a lot but I’m worried
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/symptoms
See section on this article, that you should know by heart now - it talks about chest tightness. Infact reading it all again would be very beneficial.
I’m sat here again with the oxy meter on my finger
You are being your own worst enemy here.
WorryRaptor
30-07-22, 18:58
I’m sat here again with the oxy meter on my finger because I was relaxed on the sofa and could barely feel my pulse in my neck so I got scared and it’s at 60 again resting.
1: I thought you'd put it away. They're ridiculously bad at taking a proper heart rate reading. Those readings will fluctuate like crazy just because you're breathing.
2: Don't you see the contradiction there? Relaxed/ Couldn't feel your pulse as strongly. That's SUPPOSED to happen. It's how the human body works. 60 is perfectly healthy for a heartrate. Propranolol is designed to lower blood pressure along with heart rate, so not feeling your pulse pounding away is a good thing. Let your body have the break it desperately needs.
1: I thought you'd put it away. They're ridiculously bad at taking a proper heart rate reading. Those readings will fluctuate like crazy just because you're breathing.
2: Don't you see the contradiction there? Relaxed/ Couldn't feel your pulse as strongly. That's SUPPOSED to happen. It's how the human body works. 60 is perfectly healthy for a heartrate. Propranolol is designed to lower blood pressure along with heart rate, so not feeling your pulse pounding away is a good thing. Let your body have the break it desperately needs.
My heart is usually in the 80’s/ 90’s which is too high. But it feels unnatural now for it to be this low. And I’m sure the propanolol would have worn off by now. So I don’t understand why it’s still low. I am so sick of being scared.
How are the school holidays going? Have you managed to go anywhere nice with your children?
How are the school holidays going? Have you managed to go anywhere nice with your children?
We have been out every day so far, we also went to the seaside for three days. I’ve really been pushing myself. Just struggling as I’m holding on by a thread. But still holding on! Today we went to a splash park for the day, I spent most of it timing my pulse with my phone until my friend hit me with her shoe and told me to stop it 😬
Sounds as though you're doing doing more than holding on by a thread even though I don't know how you managed to time your pulse and keep an eye on your children at the same time!:)
I think it could, but I’m just so worried about this weird heart racing. I took propanolol today and it took my heart rate down to 65 resting and it freaked me out because I thought that was too low.
60 and above is normal for resting heart rate generally. But lower than 60 is normal for some people. If you're taking beta blockers you can expect your heart rate to drop because the purpose of the drug is to block the stress hormones which cause the heart to beat fast (and thump) and this itself can be unnerving when you've been used to a high heart rate for a long time..
If you insist on messing about using these monitors then it would help if you understood what's normal and what isn't. To get anything like an accurate reading, there are things you have do (and things that you shouldn't be doing) but you, having the level of hypochondria that you do, shouldn't even have this monitor in the house!
I can’t win! I really like the propanolol but everything seems to induce anxiety.
I’m sat here again with the oxy meter on my finger because I was relaxed on the sofa and could barely feel my pulse in my neck so I got scared and it’s at 60 again resting.
You're the one who is inducing the anxiety.
You're the one who isn't understanding the nature of the medication you are taking.
You're the one who is choosing to monitor yourself without understanding what you're doing..
The right choice would be to get rid of that monitor.
WorryRaptor
31-07-22, 11:26
My heart is usually in the 80’s/ 90’s which is too high. But it feels unnatural now for it to be this low. And I’m sure the propanolol would have worn off by now. So I don’t understand why it’s still low.
80-90 is perfectly fine most of the time.
It isn't "low". 60 is completely normal, and might even be closer to your true heartrate when you're not ramped up with anxiety. If your heart has found a happy baseline to stay at after the propranolol has presumably worn off, then embrace that. Your heartrate is not too low, or too high, or too anything.
Nobody sits there and measures their pulse all day, every day. The fluctuations you're seeing are normal changes in a normal heart. Our heartrates change throughout the day for hundreds of reasons. Now that you're paying extra attention to yours, you're picking out all kinds of "anomalies" that don't actually exist. Your heart has probably always had hours where it stayed at 60, or 90, or happily fluctuated between both, and you had no idea.
I am so sick of being scared.
Are you giving yourself a chance not to be?
Pamplemousse
31-07-22, 12:15
Chloe, some comparative figures for you.
Me, often anxious, grossly overweight, does no exercise has a resting heart rate of around 80 - 90.
My brother, nearly 70, exercises and leads a healthy lifestyle has a resting heart rate of 60.
Colleague, early 60s, keen long distance runner, does marathons (and longer) has a resting heart rate of 40 - 45.
Thanks. I have put it away now, I think maybe I should bin it?
I’m worried again, I’ve noticed my lips have a slight tinge of blue/purple. I’m not sure if it’s veins. My mum said they look fine but I’m taking photos and sending it to people to double check. I keep getting panic attacks over it.
I’m worried again, I’ve noticed my lips have a slight tinge of blue/purple. I’m not sure if it’s veins. My mum said they look fine but I’m taking photos and sending it to people to double check. I keep getting panic attacks over it.
Chloe, my lips have a blue tinge around the very edges when I hyperventilate. When the body goes into fight or flight it pumps blood away from the face and into the parts of the body that need the extra umph. It's that simple mate..
I had a phone call today and was moving around looking at the floor while on the phone in a big field. When I stopped and looked up at the field after I had been walking for a while everything was moving inwards. This happened a few months ago when I had come home from briskly walking and had stared at the carpet. I’m panicked out of my mind. My kids had a dentist appointment and I couldn’t even take them, my friend took them for me. I’m at home panicking scared it’s going to happen again.
I don’t understand what this visual disturbance or optical illusion is or why it’s happening. I’ve noticed it when I’m walking and if I stare at the pavement it happens too sometimes. It’s really scary.
Someone please talk to me :(
Chloe, my lips have a blue tinge around the very edges when I hyperventilate. When the body goes into fight or flight it pumps blood away from the face and into the parts of the body that need the extra umph. It's that simple mate..
Apologies Nora I totally missed your post! Thank you, that’s interesting to know
I’ve had to take a diazepam to calm down
WorryRaptor
04-08-22, 18:40
I don’t understand what this visual disturbance or optical illusion is or why it’s happening. I’ve noticed it when I’m walking and if I stare at the pavement it happens too sometimes. It’s really scary.
That's completely normal. Like so so so normal. You spent time looking at something close while moving at the same time, and when you looked up, your brain was still in "tracking movement mode" and your eyes took time to refocus. This created an optical illusion of movement when you looked up. It happens to everyone.
That's completely normal. Like so so so normal. You spent time looking at something close while moving at the same time, and when you looked up, your brain was still in "tracking movement mode" and your eyes took time to refocus. This created an optical illusion of movement when you looked up. It happens to everyone.
Your explanation makes sense but I have only ever had it happen this year, and twice now. I’ve never had it before. It’s really frightening but it does go away. It is like my brain still thinks I’m moving when I’m not. Your explanation makes a lot of sense though. I really hope it’s okay. I was close to running to A&E but I stopped myself
WorryRaptor
04-08-22, 21:16
Your explanation makes sense but I have only ever had it happen this year, and twice now. I’ve never had it before. It’s really frightening but it does go away. It is like my brain still thinks I’m moving when I’m not. Your explanation makes a lot of sense though. I really hope it’s okay. I was close to running to A&E but I stopped myself
It's a well known phenomenon, think of it like a weird aftereffect. Just because you're noticing it now, doesn't mean it's a new thing. I notice it more if I'm tired, or I've been out in the sun. It's completely normal :)
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?212792-Me-again-Visual-disturbances
From 2018
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?212792-Me-again-Visual-disturbances
From 2018
I remember that vividly Cary’s. Really worried me, though the eye doctor told me they don’t worry about things like that, unless you’re seeing things that aren’t actually there.
Worry did it frighten you when you had it? It eventually stops but it’s so bizzare, everything just moving inwards but actually moving, accompanied by a dizzying feeling. It’s definitely induced by movement and if I’m rushing around or if I’m focused on something while moving and then suddenly stop. As this was triggered by pacing and looking downwards. It panics me into thinking it’s a problem with the brain. My friend said if it was it wouldn’t stop, And the last time it happened was April the 2nd. I looked back on the date I had previously posted on here about it, so that was 3 months ago. I was hoping the first time it happened it was a one off, but it looks to be something that is going to start happening which doesn’t make me feel very good. Eyes and vision are a huge trigger for me because of how frightened I am about brain abnormalities. I wish I was brave enough to just pay for a private brain scan and get it over with.
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?212792-Me-again-Visual-disturbances
From 2018
Sheesh... going back and reading that in light of the concerns here and seeing how that post from 4 years ago could litrally be C&Pd here and how very little has changed. The fears and patterns are the same then as now. Its actually quite sad :( As I said in 2018...
There's a history of fears like this from you stretching back years. Not one has come true. This one won't either. I hope you get help with your anxiety as you have a little one and you don't want to pass this on.
Hope you feel better soon.
Positive thoughts
FMP
WorryRaptor
04-08-22, 23:04
I remember that vividly Cary’s. Really worried me, though the eye doctor told me they don’t worry about things like that, unless you’re seeing things that aren’t actually there.
Worry did it frighten you when you had it? It eventually stops but it’s so bizzare, everything just moving inwards but actually moving, accompanied by a dizzying feeling. It’s definitely induced by movement and if I’m rushing around or if I’m focused on something while moving and then suddenly stop. As this was triggered by pacing and looking downwards. It panics me into thinking it’s a problem with the brain. My friend said if it was it wouldn’t stop, And the last time it happened was April the 2nd. I looked back on the date I had previously posted on here about it, so that was 3 months ago. I was hoping the first time it happened it was a one off, but it looks to be something that is going to start happening which doesn’t make me feel very good. Eyes and vision are a huge trigger for me because of how frightened I am about brain abnormalities. I wish I was brave enough to just pay for a private brain scan and get it over with.
It didn't scare me in the slightest, in fact, I kind of enjoyed the weirdness of it! I pretended I was warping through time (quietly of course, because making Doctor Who sound effects might have drawn some attention)
Try to put it out of your mind. It's such a normal thing that it's not even worth worrying about.
I’m just so worried. I feel nauseous today and a bit off and dizzy. I can’t handle this
I wish I was brave enough to just pay for a private brain scan and get it over with.
That wouldn't be brave, it would be defeatist and cowardly, detrimental to you learning anything and moving forward.
I’m constantly watching my vision for it to happen again. I’m actually sat here waiting for my appointment with the psychiatrist. And yes worry that’s how it is, like doctor who when the intro starts up and you’re swirling through some vortex. Did it not make your health anxiety rage? I’m worried as since it happened I’ve felt a bit off balance, I feel nauseous today too, I missed my tablet last night as I feel asleep through exhaustion and diazepam so I’m hoping it’s related.
Sheesh... going back and reading that in light of the concerns here and seeing how that post from 4 years ago could litrally be C&Pd here and how very little has changed. The fears and patterns are the same then as now. Its actually quite sad :( As I said in 2018...
FMP
I’m just stuck in hell fish. Stuck in absolute hell.
WorryRaptor
05-08-22, 11:29
I’m constantly watching my vision for it to happen again. I’m actually sat here waiting for my appointment with the psychiatrist. And yes worry that’s how it is, like doctor who when the intro starts up and you’re swirling through some vortex. Did it not make your health anxiety rage? I’m worried as since it happened I’ve felt a bit off balance, I feel nauseous today too, I missed my tablet last night as I feel asleep through exhaustion and diazepam so I’m hoping it’s related.
Why worry about something that is completely normal? Like, it's just as normal as your skin feeling warm when the sun shines on it. There is a biological explanation for it. Would you sit and fret about that? The motion aftereffect that you're experiencing is just how the human body works. Sometimes it gets amplified when you focus on it, or are tired. Exercise can make it more apparent too. Anxiety can also make it feel more intense than it really is.
I don't quite suffer with health anxiety in the same way you do Chloe, so I can't speak to how you're feeling right now. I have OCD, and have chronic pain with random symptoms and wonky blood tests (both clinically confirmed), so I sometimes end up focusing on "puzzle pieces" to try and identify what's causing my problems.
As for the nausea, your stomach and the brain are intrinsically connected, so I'm not surprised you have nausea given the state of anxiety you're feeling. All of those stress hormones (which I believe Nora has mentioned here before too) are bouncing around in your system. One of the first things they effect is the stomach. Feeling off balance is extremely common with anxiety and tiredness.
Why worry about something that is completely normal? Like, it's just as normal as your skin feeling warm when the sun shines on it. There is a biological explanation for it. Would you sit and fret about that? The motion aftereffect that you're experiencing is just how the human body works. Sometimes it gets amplified when you focus on it, or are tired. Exercise can make it more apparent too. Anxiety can also make it feel more intense than it really is.
I don't quite suffer with health anxiety in the same way you do Chloe, so I can't speak to how you're feeling right now. I have OCD, and have chronic pain with random symptoms and wonky blood tests (both clinically confirmed), so I sometimes end up focusing on "puzzle pieces" to try and identify what's causing my problems.
As for the nausea, your stomach and the brain are intrinsically connected, so I'm not surprised you have nausea given the state of anxiety you're feeling. All of those stress hormones (which I believe Nora has mentioned here before too) are bouncing around in your system. One of the first things they effect is the stomach. Feeling off balance is extremely common with anxiety and tiredness.
It was bright. Sometimes when I’m walking if I stare at the pavement and suddenly stop it does the same visual effect. It’s so strange. Having my head down seems to trigger it. So walking and staring at the pavement and then suddenly stopping.
WorryRaptor
05-08-22, 12:43
It was bright. Sometimes when I’m walking if I stare at the pavement and suddenly stop it does the same visual effect. It’s so strange. Having my head down seems to trigger it. So walking and staring at the pavement and then suddenly stopping.
Which is completely normal :)
Which is completely normal :)
How did you find information out about this? Did you ask a doctor?
WorryRaptor
05-08-22, 13:50
How did you find information out about this? Did you ask a doctor?
I can't remember where I picked it up, probably from reading interesting medical stuff. I spent my younger years working with a vet, and was going to study to become one (ADHD kind of put a full stop to that haha) and somewhere along the way, I started getting interested in the human brain too. :)
I can't remember where I picked it up, probably from reading interesting medical stuff. I spent my younger years working with a vet, and was going to study to become one (ADHD kind of put a full stop to that haha) and somewhere along the way, I started getting interested in the human brain too. :)
How often does it happen to you? If my messages are a bit all over the place my diazepam has locked in and I’m struggling to think straight. Sorry for all the questions, just panicked and scared. For me it happened once on the 2nd April. And then yesterday. Does anything seem to trigger yours?
I can't remember where I picked it up, probably from reading interesting medical stuff. I spent my younger years working with a vet, and was going to study to become one (ADHD kind of put a full stop to that haha) and somewhere along the way, I started getting interested in the human brain too. :)
How does your health anxiety work? Where does it take you in your mind?
Take a breath, Chloe. You've been told this is nothing and it's okay to believe that.
Take a breath, Chloe. You've been told this is nothing and it's okay to believe that.
Thank you blue. I appreciate that
How often does it happen to you? If my messages are a bit all over the place my diazepam has locked in and I’m struggling to think straight. Sorry for all the questions, just panicked and scared. For me it happened once on the 2nd April. And then yesterday. Does anything seem to trigger yours?
Is it really fair to ask other people to add more mileage to this issue? Your messages seem lucid and targeted to me.
WorryRaptor
05-08-22, 18:43
How does your health anxiety work? Where does it take you in your mind?
I think my anxiety mostly comes from the OCD side of things, which occasionally tips over into my personal health. So, for me, I go into detective mode to try and figure out my problem. When I can't get an answer, the anxiety sets in.
The visual thing happens to me pretty often, but I barely pay attention to it as it's completely normal :)
If my messages are a bit all over the place my diazepam has locked in and I’m struggling to think straight.
There doesn't appear to be any issues at all with your posts, Chloe. They are perfectly coherent, whereas I can forget how to spell 'the' when I'm on my pain meds.
What do you think Raptor is going to say to you that hasn't already been said? (a gazillion times)
I really hope that you're genuinely interested in what Raptor has to say and this isn't a case of getting another bite on the line?
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There doesn't appear to be any issues at all with your posts, Chloe. They are perfectly coherent, whereas I can forget how to spell 'the' when I'm on my pain meds.
What do you think Raptor is going to say to you that hasn't already been said? (a gazillion times)
I really hope that you're genuinely interested in what Raptor has to say and this isn't a case of getting another bite on the line?
I’m really trying to implement it, but I feel like a wreck I won’t lie. My doctor has put my meds up now and I’m going to be starting some self soothing therapy soon with my support worker.
I just have constant fear in my stomach, like I’m going to drop dead any second. That the eye thing is going to happen again and I’ll end up rushing to A&E for testing. It’s all fear.
WorryRaptor
06-08-22, 11:44
I'm not sure if I'm misremembering (attention span of a squirrel and this thread is dauntingly long) but do you have OCD too, Chloe? I'm asking because you seem to have traits of it. Like, I can tell you without a doubt that the motion aftereffect you're experiencing is completely normal, but your brain won't accept it. Instead you're fixated on going through testing, and asking the same questions of everyone here, like that will be the only way to alleviate the anxiety about it. It looks a lot like a compulsive thought pattern. Nothing we say here will break that pattern, only feed into it.
I'm not sure if I'm misremembering (attention span of a squirrel and this thread is dauntingly long) but do you have OCD too, Chloe? I'm asking because you seem to have traits of it. Like, I can tell you without a doubt that the motion aftereffect you're experiencing is completely normal, but your brain won't accept it. Instead you're fixated on going through testing, and asking the same questions of everyone here, like that will be the only way to alleviate the anxiety about it. It looks a lot like a compulsive thought pattern. Nothing we say here will break that pattern, only feed into it.
Hey worry, yes I am diagnosed ocd too. But I always thought health anxiety was a form of ocd too. I just have ocd with checking my body.
For instance everything morning I’ll check my pupils and signs of stroke in my face. That’s something I have to work on too.
Nothing we say here will break that pattern, only feed into it.
^^^^^^ THIS! ^^^^^
As with the self checking and ruminating, getting a 'bite on the line' (reassurance) is clearly part of the illness and problem as it is with many others here.
FMP
WorryRaptor
06-08-22, 12:39
Hey worry, yes I am diagnosed ocd too. But I always thought health anxiety was a form of ocd too. I just have ocd with checking my body.
For instance everything morning I’ll check my pupils and signs of stroke in my face. That’s something I have to work on too.
I think they have a lot of crossover, yes. My therapist told me they were separate disorders, but some believe it's a type of OCD, yeah. There's definitely a loop you need to break. Great that you're working on the morning checks :) I had one where I needed to check the extractor fan in the bathroom in case any bats crawled through. I used to shine a torch up into it every time I was in there. Like you, I would ask and ask for reassurance that this was an impossible scenario, and even when I asked a professional who installed extractor fans, who very kindly explained all the inner workings of one, I still couldn't accept it. No answer in the world would pull me out of the "what if" cycle. I had to break the pattern by stopping the checking, even though it was torture at first. My brain gradually accepted it though, and now I rarely have the urge to check.
I think they have a lot of crossover, yes. My therapist told me they were separate disorders, but some believe it's a type of OCD, yeah. There's definitely a loop you need to break. Great that you're working on the morning checks :) I had one where I needed to check the extractor fan in the bathroom in case any bats crawled through. I used to shine a torch up into it every time I was in there. Like you, I would ask and ask for reassurance that this was an impossible scenario, and even when I asked a professional who installed extractor fans, who very kindly explained all the inner workings of one, I still couldn't accept it. No answer in the world would pull me out of the "what if" cycle. I had to break the pattern by stopping the checking, even though it was torture at first. My brain gradually accepted it though, and now I rarely have the urge to check.
The psychiatrist said we can’t just totally stop the checking as that’s unrealistic. But we do a little bit at a time. He told me I need to throw away my oxygen meter and heart rate monitor. That’s a first step.
I think they have a lot of crossover, yes. My therapist told me they were separate disorders, but some believe it's a type of OCD, yeah. There's definitely a loop you need to break. Great that you're working on the morning checks :) I had one where I needed to check the extractor fan in the bathroom in case any bats crawled through. I used to shine a torch up into it every time I was in there. Like you, I would ask and ask for reassurance that this was an impossible scenario, and even when I asked a professional who installed extractor fans, who very kindly explained all the inner workings of one, I still couldn't accept it. No answer in the world would pull me out of the "what if" cycle. I had to break the pattern by stopping the checking, even though it was torture at first. My brain gradually accepted it though, and now I rarely have the urge to check.
And yes the what if’s cycle is horrific. Just flies round and round and nothing anyone says helps it. I’m aware of that. I post here and I wonder why I bother to ask because I still worry. But it’s the reassurance seeking. I’ve been sat worried all morning scared to move around. But My son wants a bike ride and I can’t deprive him of something like that which is such a simple joy for him, so I’m getting washed and dressed and trying not to focus on my vision.
WorryRaptor
06-08-22, 13:17
The psychiatrist said we can’t just totally stop the checking as that’s unrealistic. But we do a little bit at a time. He told me I need to throw away my oxygen meter and heart rate monitor. That’s a first step.
That's right, it needs to be gradual so your mind can accept the changes :) With mine, we started with checking for only a minute, then the next week, checking without the torch. The next week, I could look up in the fan without going up on my tippy toes. The next week, I could glance up at the fan. The next week, I had to ignore it. All the while, I had to ride through the anxiety caused by the urge to check.
It can be slow progress, but it sounds like you're on the right path with that.
Getting rid of the meter and monitor sounds like a good step :)
WorryRaptor
06-08-22, 13:33
But My son wants a bike ride and I can’t deprive him of something like that which is such a simple joy for him, so I’m getting washed and dressed and trying not to focus on my vision.
That's exactly the right approach, you're giving it less power that way :)
I just feel a bit dizzy and off kilter since it happened. That’s what’s also worrying me. But I came out and we did it. I’ve had little panics along the way.
WorryRaptor
06-08-22, 19:09
But I came out and we did it.
Exactly, the main thing is that you pushed through and did something you wanted to do for your son, Chloe, even though you felt awful. You should be proud of that!
I just feel a bit dizzy and off kilter since it happened. That’s what’s also worrying me.
I'm not going to be able to give you the reassurance you need, and you know that. Nobody here can. I could explain all the completely benign reasons for you feeling X since X happened, but it won't help.
Exactly, the main thing is that you pushed through and did something you wanted to do for your son, Chloe, even though you felt awful. You should be proud of that!
I'm not going to be able to give you the reassurance you need, and you know that. Nobody here can. I could explain all the completely benign reasons for you feeling X since X happened, but it won't help.
No the reassurance won’t help long term, maybe for a few mins.
I’m just so anxious, I’m stuck in fear mode.
I feel dizzy and I keep having an upset stomach in the morning. My eyes just don’t feel right and it’s all started after that visual episode. I felt alright and was getting on with my day to day as best I could. It doesn’t take a lot to throw a spanner in the works and render me almost house bound due to the anxiety. I’m shaking a lot. Just worried about this upset stomach, it’s quite bad today and the nausea. I’m worried it’s related to the eye episode
WorryRaptor
07-08-22, 11:36
No the reassurance won’t help long term, maybe for a few mins. I'm not saying this to be mean spirited or anything, but the rest of your reply is exactly the thing you have just acknowledged as ultimately unhelpful. I get the impression you agree with advice, but only with the caveat that you can include further worries in your reply. I did that too when my OCD was unmanaged. I would get advice, take it on board and them bombard the person with extra details in a compulsive attempt to quell the anxiety further.
I understand that the anxiety is a powerful driving force behind seeking reassurance, and it can be seriously difficult to contend with. It's been said a hundred times in this thread, so I'm going to sound like a broken record. You need to break the loop, stop adding to the pattern, and start viewing the anxiety as the real culprit. You're so terrified of having some awful illness that you're focusing all of your energy away from the real illness.
I'm not suggesting that you're taking no steps to address the anxiety, but you need to action some of the wonderful advice given by others on this thread.
Your brain has become an elite athlete at being in an anxious state. It's going to be creating all kinds of weird sensations, perceptions and processes, because its constantly in worry mode, and you keep giving it fuel, building it up. You've got a buff brain that is going for gold in the Anxiety Olympics but you can make it weaker by taking its gym equipment away.
Have you thrown away the monitor and oxy meter?
I'm not saying this to be mean spirited or anything, but the rest of your reply is exactly the thing you have just acknowledged as ultimately unhelpful. I get the impression you agree with advice, but only with the caveat that you can include further worries in your reply. I did that too when my OCD was unmanaged. I would get advice, take it on board and them bombard the person with extra details in a compulsive attempt to quell the anxiety further.
I understand that the anxiety is a powerful driving force behind seeking reassurance, and it can be seriously difficult to contend with. It's been said a hundred times in this thread, so I'm going to sound like a broken record. You need to break the loop, stop adding to the pattern, and start viewing the anxiety as the real culprit. You're so terrified of having some awful illness that you're focusing all of your energy away from the real illness.
I'm not suggesting that you're taking no steps to address the anxiety, but you need to action some of the wonderful advice given by others on this thread.
Your brain has become an elite athlete at being in an anxious state. It's going to be creating all kinds of weird sensations, perceptions and processes, because its constantly in worry mode, and you keep giving it fuel, building it up. You've got a buff brain that is going for gold in the Anxiety Olympics but you can make it weaker by taking its gym equipment away.
Have you thrown away the monitor and oxy meter?
I haven’t thrown it yet but I haven’t been using it at all since what happened with my eyes.
I’m struggling so much, I’m full of fear worry. I can’t focus I can’t think. I’m so scared I have a brain problem. My children need me, I want to go too A&E but I have no way of doing that, no one will look after my kids if I went. I can’t handle this. I’m trying to implement coping strategies but they don’t work. The fear is so strong. I’m so scared something is seriously wrong with my brain
WorryRaptor
07-08-22, 13:16
I haven’t thrown it yet but I haven’t been using it at all since what happened with my eyes.
I’m struggling so much, I’m full of fear worry.
Focus on tiny steps then. What CAN you do today? You can probably pick up those little monitors and throw them in the bin, right?. What other small tasks could you do? Even if it's just washing a mug, or fluffing a cushion. Do small things, even if you feel anxiety, even if you feel weird "symptoms", and keep doing them.
I can’t focus I can’t think.
You might think you can't focus, but you're able to sit here and type a coherent message.
Focus on tiny steps then. What CAN you do today? You can probably pick up those little monitors and throw them in the bin, right?. What other small tasks could you do? Even if it's just washing a mug, or fluffing a cushion. Do small things, even if you feel anxiety, even if you feel weird "symptoms", and keep doing them.
You might think you can't focus, but you're able to sit here and type a coherent message.
I’ve gone to b&m with two of my kids and my mum and brother. But I wanted to run out of there, I forced myself to go. I had to fight panic and intrusive thoughts the whole way round about death and my brain. Stopping and staring at things every so often to see if my vision was moving.
I’m home now and I’ve made my kids lunch and I’m sat outside seating back and forth trying to soothe myself. I might need to take a diazepam to help. I feel sick, my stomach feels queasy and tight.
Focus on tiny steps then. What CAN you do today? You can probably pick up those little monitors and throw them in the bin, right?. What other small tasks could you do? Even if it's just washing a mug, or fluffing a cushion. Do small things, even if you feel anxiety, even if you feel weird "symptoms", and keep doing them.
You might think you can't focus, but you're able to sit here and type a coherent message.
Yes I should bin them. I’ve taken my temp twice today already. Though I can’t bin that as need it for my children in case they have a temperature
I get the impression you agree with advice, but only with the caveat that you can include further worries in your reply. I did that too when my OCD was unmanaged. I would get advice, take it on board and them bombard the person with extra details in a compulsive attempt to quell the anxiety further.
No the reassurance won’t help long term, maybe for a few mins.
I’m just so anxious, I’m stuck in fear mode.
I feel dizzy and I keep having an upset stomach in the morning. My eyes just don’t feel right and it’s all started after that visual episode. I felt alright and was getting on with my day to day as best I could. It doesn’t take a lot to throw a spanner in the works and render me almost house bound due to the anxiety. I’m shaking a lot. Just worried about this upset stomach, it’s quite bad today and the nausea. I’m worried it’s related to the eye episode
You're doing exactly what WR said.....
I posted this on another thread but it applies to members who have perpetual threads here.
The real issues are not the worries or fears you have but the thought patterns and associated and subsequent behaviors associated with them and the results of that behavior. The real issue is your mental illness. Until that's aggressively addressed, I'm afraid that pattern will just continue to rinse and repeat :(
My daughter posted an interesting insight to the anxious mind... I can only imagine the internal dialogue you and other members experience.
Why people with anxiety have a hard time sleeping:
*Going to bed super early because my depression was being a little bitch and I was worn out*
Anxiety: Hey, here’s all the mistakes you’ve ever made.
Me: Yeah, look I’m human, I have made mistakes. Going over all of them and feeling bad about it will not serve me at all, especially right now when I’m so tired and just want to sleep.
Anxiety: Okay…here’s a list of all the people who secretly hate you.
We all have internal dialogues but those with anxiety and mental illness seem to be like a skipping record or a song on repeat.
FMP
WorryRaptor
07-08-22, 13:57
Stopping and staring at things every so often to see if my vision was moving. I know its difficult not to carry out checks, but this was feeding the anxiety monster again.
I’ve gone to b&m with two of my kids and my mum and brother. But I wanted to run out of there, I forced myself to go. I had to fight panic and intrusive thoughts the whole way round about death and my brain.
I’m home now and I’ve made my kids lunch.
All that alone is impressive! See, you can actually function, and you're being there for your kids. You need to hang on to the wins in order to get above the anxiety. Going out and about, despite the panic, is a pretty big win. Making lunch for your kids is another one.
Yes I should bin them. I’ve taken my temp twice today already. Though I can’t bin that as need it for my children in case they have a temperature
That's absolutely fair enough. Always a good idea to have stuff like that handy for kids. Maybe you could put it away in a lockbox, so it gives you time to reconsider if you have the urge to check something. I found that helped with some of my compulsions. For example, Id make sure to lock my phone into a drawer while I worked, so that I wouldn't just grab it when I went to use the bathroom and shine the phone torch into the extractor fan. Otherwise, if it was next to me, I'd just grab it automatically and go to check the fan. Just small things like that buy you time to think.
I know its difficult not to carry out checks, but this was feeding the anxiety monster again.
All that alone is impressive! See, you can actually function, and you're being there for your kids. You need to hang on to the wins in order to get above the anxiety. Going out and about, despite the panic, is a pretty big win. Making lunch for your kids is another one.
That's absolutely fair enough. Always a good idea to have stuff like that handy for kids. Maybe you could put it away in a lockbox, so it gives you time to reconsider if you have the urge to check something. I found that helped with some of my compulsions. For example, Id make sure to lock my phone into a drawer while I worked, so that I wouldn't just grab it when I went to use the bathroom and shine the phone torch into the extractor fan. Otherwise, if it was next to me, I'd just grab it automatically and go to check the fan. Just small things like that buy you time to think.
That’s a good idea worry, I didn’t think of a lockbox. And yes you’re right about saying I’m taking the advice but then wanting more reassurance. I feed off it, I need it. I can’t reassure myself. Especially not when it comes to the brain. It’s such a huge trigger for me. It triggers PTSD as well and I’m certain one day I’m going to get what my brother had or something similar and it petrifies me. I’ve said all this before I know but my eyes are a huge anxiety trigger for me. I had my eyes tested in January this year and all was okay but I know they can’t see everything within the brain
I’m waking up with nausea every morning now. I don’t understand. Could it be the tablets? I was nauseous on them when I first started it but did fade out. I wake up and my stomach feels like jelly and I’m usually having an upset tummy in the morning but it’s been since that weird vision thing. I’m worried it’s related
I missed two tablets of Escitalopram by accident this week, and have taken them during the day so I don’t forget, as when I’m tired I tend to go to bed and then realise I haven’t taken one. So I’ve been taking them at around 11am. I’m wondering if missing the two and then changing when I’m taking them could be causing the tummy upset in the morning
I’m really freaking out. I feel so sicky
It's just a bit of nausea. Logical brain, Chloe.
It's just a bit of nausea. Logical brain, Chloe.
But it’s every morning since this eye thing blue, and I’m feeling off kilter. And the upset tummy too. I don’t know what’s going on with me
What harm has the eye thing really done? It's just a short-term, low-key visual disturbance. You're still upright and breathing and you're not in agony, so it's not a big deal.
What harm has the eye thing really done? It's just a short-term, low-key visual disturbance. You're still upright and breathing and you're not in agony, so it's not a big deal.
It didn’t feel low key, and now because I’m feeling sicky and strange I’m thinking something bad has happened or is happening.
It’s causing such big panic attacks. I’m staring at things and they sometimes move a little and I’m scared it’s happening. I’m meant to be taking my. Kids out and I don’t think I can
Think about the choices you're making, because they are choices. You can either practice brushing these things off, or lean into the anxiety.
It's your decision.
Think about the choices you're making, because they are choices. You can either practice brushing these things off, or lean into the anxiety.
It's your decision.
What do I do if it happens again blue? Honestly I can’t describe the fear that I’m feeling to you. I wish I could put it into words.
Do you really think you're the only one on this forum who's ever been out-of-control, world-falling-apart terrified?
I was feeling like that this time last week.
What do I do if it happens again blue?
You reassure yourself, that its happened before, that its to be expected when you are hyper fixated and causing stress to your body. You remind yourself that it disappeared before and that its a common feature of people being anxious. Thats it - then you 'forget it' and move on. You don't worry about, you don't give it validation, you don't think of it as anything more than a symptom of your stressed and anxious mind and body.
You reassure yourself, that its happened before, that its to be expected when you are hyper fixated and causing stress to your body. You remind yourself that it disappeared before and that its a common feature of people being anxious. Thats it - then you 'forget it' and move on. You don't worry about, you don't give it validation, you don't think of it as anything more than a symptom of your stressed and anxious mind and body.
Thank you Cary’s.
I feel I’m crisis mode.
I have messaged my mental health worker. She has said this:
You're body is in threat mode, you're thoughts are telling you that you are in danger but thoughts are not facts and you are safe ( although you are not feeling safe) your body needs to feel more calm. Have you got space to focus on your breathing for a while until you feel a little calmer? Can you distract yourself by spending some time with Laura?
A good reply from your Support Worker, and what I said in different words to be honest. So, go and do some mindfulness breathing ?
What's the eye issue? That they aren't returning to their (what's normal for you) size instantly?
What's the eye issue? That they aren't returning to their (what's normal for you) size instantly?
No, I’ve had two episodes this year where I have been looking down and moving for a while and when I looked up after standing still
my visual field is still moving but I’m stood still. It’s almost as Worryraptor described it as a doctor who wormhole. Everything is moving inwards for a few seconds.
Chloe, I am not going to outright reassure you, but I am going to say that the visual perceptive system is WILDLY complex and it might be useful to ask yourself how it is that you're sure what you're noticing is something WRONG and not something RIGHT!
"Oh but I've never noticed my body do that before" -- something which a pregnant person in labor could say, too. Does mean anything is "wrong"
"but it feels bad" -- same
If I turn my head sharply enough in certain angles I can *sometimes* see my own white blood cells zipping around in front of my retina. Freaky! Sometimes unpleasant! But really common, and not deadly. And actually, exactly how that's SUPPOSED to work.
Really, truly, Chole, at this point you're just like the person who was almost beside themselves that there was a big lump sticking out of their neck right where their spine was... it moved when they bent their neck forward... it was larger than the rest of their vertebrae... they were CONVINVED they were dying from a terrible tumor... They went to their doctor, and....
It was their C7, which anyone who has studied even a lick of anatomy knows is the largest of the cervical vertebrae... and SUPPOSED to be that way. Literally, it is used as a radiographic landmark for this reason. Their doctor, bless them, had a quick feel and then stared at them for a good minute before delivering the news in a "good news / bad news" format. The good news was of course that they were an anatomically correct human being. The bad news was, they had crippling health anxiety.
Keep up the anti-anxiety work!! We're rooting for you.
You're body is in threat mode, you're thoughts are telling you that you are in danger but thoughts are not facts and you are safe ( although you are not feeling safe) your body needs to feel more calm. Have you got space to focus on your breathing for a while until you feel a little calmer?
Is this any different to what ol' Nora has been telling you ON THIS THREAD time and time again?
Kylliikki has given you a blinding (soz) response but it will have gone straight over your head as you will choose to fixate on some life-threatening brain disease that you do not have.
I do have cervical spine issues and I have all sorts of weird symptoms, including not being able to breathe properly at night if I'm lying flat. Yeah, there are nerves in the cervical spine which are connected to the diaphragm, Who know? But I understand these symptoms because I've done my homework. (It's a good job I got a handle on my health anxiety otherwise I would be wandering around the streets shouting at crisp packets about now, you get me?)
With you, I am sure these eye symptoms are nothing more than fight or flight (yes, those words again) because it is a physiological process which affects just about every part of the human body.
During fight or flight, your pupils dilate to allow more light in allowing you to better see that grizzly bear or shifty looking dude in the hoody. In your case, there is NO bear or shifty looking dude. The danger is imaginary. BUT YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND WILL REACT AS IF THERE WAS A BEAR OR SHIFTY DUDE.
Your body is producing a SHIT LOAD of adrenalin which (amongst other things) affects your field of vision decreasing it to focusing in on what's IN FRONT OF YOU. This means that your peripheral (meaning outside the central area of focus) will be affected by blurredness, flicky lights and all sorts of visual disturbances. During actual face-off time with grizzly bears, you wouldn't pick up on this as you'd be too engaged with staying alive, but, as I said, there IS NO ACTUAL DANGER with you, and so you are noticing all of this response in all it's glory. (you're also not burning off any of this adrenalin)
These visual responses NORMALLY lasts as long as the grizzly bear is staring at you (holding the ketchup) and then it subsides and your eyes return to normal. You, however, are CONSTANLY triggering the fight or flight response and so this NORMAL SYMPTOM with fight or flight will also be CONSTANT.
Can you understand any of this, Chloe?
WorryRaptor
09-08-22, 10:35
Your mental health worker is absolutely correct and is echoing what MANY people have told you on this thread. I hope you're taking the advice on board?
On top of that, I've explained how that visual phenomenon actually works, and how it's even incredibly normal in people who aren't even anxious in the first place. Kylliiki gave a really great example too. Add anxiety to the mix and you're amplifying every sensation to the point where you think it's abnormal.
Nora has spent a lot of time explaining how anxiety affects your system, and how stress hormones can do a number on your perception.
You've had a lot of really good, logical and helpful advice from many others here. Some of that help even comes with what should be massive amounts of reassurance. I don't think I've read a more comprehensive source of advice in one thread before, but it seems like none of it is going in.
In fairness, you do acknowledge this, and I know it's a huge struggle to resist the urge to seek reassurance. But you know that it doesn't help you. It's just a drug that's becoming less and less effective every time you take it.
What could you do today that would help to break the pattern? How about making a list in this thread of things you could action, without including anything to do with perceived symptoms. People here want to help :)
Is this the problem though? There's no evidence that this form of help makes the slightest difference. So what makes you continue to post on here, Chloe?
Seeking reassurance, constantly, takes away our ability to manage our anxiety..
We all need some reassurance now and then but when that's all we're doing, there's a big problem (and with numerous causes)
Raptor is right in saying that 'nothing seems to be going in', so the question has to be 'why?'. I 'want' to say that it's because Chloe is so far down that rabbit hole that she can't take anything in (I've been there) but the cynical part in me wonders if there is another reason; one which benefits her in a different way? I saw health anxiety only as a hell that I desperately wanted out of (or to be able to control) and for my family's sake as well as my own. I'm trying not to compare myself to Chloe (or anybody else) but I do struggle to comprehend how anybody would choose to keep this shit going? I don't think that anybody chooses to develop HA, but I know that a minority of people will choose to keep it going because it benefits them in some way. They are addicted to the replies, to the reassuring words and sympathy, and to the attention. And how are we to know what's what from looking at a screen? All we can do is to assume that the people asking for help actually want help and hope that they can find the courage/strength/will to help themselves as there is only so much anybody can do - regardless of how much time and effort we put in..
Raptor is correct in talking about the level of really great advice on this thread (and on the forum in general) and the search option is very useful (and under used) because this is an anxiety forum and people who suffer with anxiety experience the same things, hence there are similar threads about eye symptoms listed at the bottom of this page. Sometimes (or most of the time) it's because we think we're different. Our symptoms may be similar but we have HA and so there has to be a disease causing them, right? And we believe this until proved otherwise by doctors and tests. And then it's onto another imaginary disease.. It's only when you're out of that hole (and cycle of fear and irrationality) that the mist clears and you can start to understand the stress response (which is the sole cause of 99.9% of all threads on here) and the symptoms it creates. The hard part is trying to get people to listen..
Anyway, here endeth the BS for this morning. Brew and poo time. :)
Hi everyone.
Nora, I honestly don’t want sympathy, it’s the reassurance that I feel like I need, I simply can’t reassure myself but that’s what hopefully will come as my medication is upped and I start therapy. I’ve had HA since a child so the behaviours are very much set into my brain. Behind the scenes you guys can’t really see what’s going on, I’m getting up and looking after my four children and trying my best and hardest to get on. Im not posting about what I am doing, I usually post when I’m in a big flap and a panic. But I'm forcing myself to get up and washed, dressed etc. I'm still going out and doing things. Im just constantly stuck in a fear loop. Posting on here is part of my reassurance seeking and ocd, and in time maybe that will stop like it did before when I had periods of less health anxiety. This year I think has been the worst I’ve ever faced in a good few years with my mental health. I’m still actively taking my medication which has now been increased, I’ve ordered a Claire weekes book to read which I have heard is helpful. There are many small ways I am trying. My mum always says to me, you want to be unwell Chloe. And that simply isn’t true, it’s the fear of being unwell and leaving my kids and it consumes me. I’ve had an upset stomach for a few days now and I’m frightened, I wake up feeling sick, and then I have loose stools. I just want the upset tummy to stop and I might be able to relax a little bit. It’s just really bizzare, and especially how it started after the visual effect I had. I know if it carries on I’ll need to see the doctor and the thought of seeing the doctor makes me panic. The first time that visual effect happened I didn’t have loose stools afterwards so maybe it’s unrelated, but I don’t understand why I’m suddenly having an upset tummy. It only happens in the mornings once. And then not again through the day.
Seriously, is having the squits first thing in the morning a major problem? I'd say it probably happens to me around twice a week, on average.
I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. You might not be able to see it, but I think that HA and obsessive thoughts of illness are filling a void elsewhere in your life. If you can acknowledge that and work out what it is, you might find yourself able to work on the real problem.
Seriously, is having the squits first thing in the morning a major problem? I'd say it probably happens to me around twice a week, on average.
I'm sorry, but I agree with the others. You might not be able to see it, but I think that HA and obsessive thoughts of illness are filling a void elsewhere in your life. If you can acknowledge that and work out what it is, you might find yourself able to work on the real problem.
But it isn’t normal for me blue, and it’s odd. I feel nauseous and yucky till afternoon time. And it’s happening every morning for the past week. I’m hoping it’s nothing but it really worries me.
But I have this terrible anxiety in my stomach.
I have no idea what thing void would be. I think just having my children has made my anxiety really bad. But then I’m not sure, maybe I’d be worse if I didn’t have them to focus on
WorryRaptor
10-08-22, 12:18
I have no idea what thing void would be
Did you ever explore this with your therapist?
Sometimes the voids we try to fill are ones we are completely blind to until somebody helps us to see it.
I won't go too much into mine, but my OCD phobias of contamination and rabies actually came from a childhood of not feeling in control of what happened to me no matter how diligent I was. My habit of making silly mistakes (ADHD) would result in disappointment and rage from a parent. That translated to "I have to make sure I never make a tiny mistake that could result in awful consequences" I would never have made that connection without a professional walking me through it.
You are definitely stuck in a loop, Chloe, but you're not helpless to it. You need to find ways to step back from it and see where the problem areas are so that you can start making changes. Like Nora says, anxiety is a hellhole that we all want to crawl out of. If you're staying for reassurance, while acknowledging that it really doesn't help, then what do you actually need from this thread? I'm not saying this to be judgmental, I'm just genuinely curious about what you think you're going to gain from posting your symptoms here when our words don't help.
Did you ever explore this with your therapist?
Sometimes the voids we try to fill are ones we are completely blind to until somebody helps us to see it.
I won't go too much into mine, but my OCD phobias of contamination and rabies actually came from a childhood of not feeling in control of what happened to me no matter how diligent I was. My habit of making silly mistakes (ADHD) would result in disappointment and rage from a parent. That translated to "I have to make sure I never make a tiny mistake that could result in awful consequences" I would never have made that connection without a professional walking me through it.
You are definitely stuck in a loop, Chloe, but you're not helpless to it. You need to find ways to step back from it and see where the problem areas are so that you can start making changes. Like Nora says, anxiety is a hellhole that we all want to crawl out of. If you're staying for reassurance, while acknowledging that it really doesn't help, then what do you actually need from this thread? I'm not saying this to be judgmental, I'm just genuinely curious about what you think you're going to gain from posting your symptoms here when our words don't help.
I feel like a coward everytime I post in here, like I’m failing, your words do help, as much as people think they don’t they do.
But it doesn’t totally eliminate the fear, the same way as my oxy monitor doesn’t, I the only thing that stops the fear are tests and scans., but then I move onto something else.
I know what triggered my health anxiety if that’s what you mean by void. I was brought up by just my mum who has bpd, my dad suffers from alcoholism and crippling anxiety. My mum was never there for me so my gran looked after me most of the time, but my gran was a strict Jehovah’s Witness and I used to get taken to her meetings and they traumatised me because all they would talk about is the end of the world and death, how you would be burned alive if you had sinned and I believed that at the time.
My grandad was a peaodphile who abused my mum as a child but I had to be left there else I would of gone into care. My mum had lots of different men in the house and relationships that were traumatic due to domestic violence. I never ever felt safe as a kid. My mum had continuous breakdowns and suffers from psychotic episodes which as a child I didn’t understand. That’s where my anxiety comes from and it’s morphed into health anxiety. I’ve then gone onto having my own toxic relationships and dealing with my brothers illness which gave me ptsd. I don’t want sympathy that’s just what triggered my mental state, that and probably my genes from having two parents with serious mental health disorders.
WorryRaptor
10-08-22, 12:59
I feel like a coward everytime I post in here, like I’m failing, your words do help, as much as people think they don’t they do.
But it doesn’t totally eliminate the fear, the same way as my oxy monitor doesn’t, I the only thing that stops the fear are tests and scans., but then I move onto something else.
I know what triggered my health anxiety if that’s what you mean by void. I was brought up by just my mum who has bpd, my dad suffers from alcoholism and crippling anxiety. My mum was never there for me so my gran looked after me most of the time, but my gran was a strict Jehovah’s Witness and I used to get taken to her meetings and they traumatised me because all they would talk about is the end of the world and death, how you would be burned alive if you had sinned and I believed that at the time.
My grandad was a peaodphile who abused my mum as a child but I had to be left there else I would of gone into care. My mum had lots of different men in the house and relationships that were traumatic due to domestic violence. I never ever felt safe as a kid. My mum had continuous breakdowns and suffers from psychotic episodes which as a child I didn’t understand. That’s where my anxiety comes from and it’s morphed into health anxiety. I’ve then gone onto having my own toxic relationships and dealing with my brothers illness which gave me ptsd. I don’t want sympathy that’s just what triggered my mental state, that and probably my genes from having two parents with serious mental health disorders.
Chloe, that sounds horrific, and would have been SO much for you to deal with as a child. I'm really sorry to hear that you had to live through that.
Have you been able to unpack any of this in therapy? It really sounds like it would help to work through every aspect so that you can gain the inner feeling of safety back.
Chloe, that sounds horrific, and would have been SO much for you to deal with as a child. I'm really sorry to hear that you had to live through that.
Have you been able to unpack any of this in therapy? It really sounds like it would help to work through every aspect so that you can gain the inner feeling of safety back.
There is a lot of blanks in my memory from childhood really, I have briefly spoken about it with a therapist but I’m not sure what work could be done to try and counteract it.
Even now I have those child like fears, I remember seeing plane trails in the sky and thinking it was the end of the world. I still get that fear in my tummy when I see plan trails in the sky. I don’t feel like I can be fixed.
I remember seeing them as a child and hiding under the bed, because I thought it was smoke from a meteor or god ending the world. I don’t know, there’s just so so much, too much to let go of
WorryRaptor
10-08-22, 14:03
I have briefly spoken about it with a therapist but I’m not sure what work could be done to try and counteract it. A lot of it involves gradual work that allows you to slowly and safely revisit various problems in your past. A professional will know how to walk through this with you so that it doesn't become too much to handle. :hugs:
I remember seeing them as a child and hiding under the bed, because I thought it was smoke from a meteor or god ending the world. I don’t know, there’s just so so much, too much to let go of
It can seem really overwhelming at first, but believe me, it can be worked through. I experienced s abuse myself as a kid from a family member, along with being raised by an extremely religious mother who has narcissistic personality disorder, so I can understand some of what you mean when it feels like too much to process and let go of. She would be convinced that demons were standing around me and that I was somehow communing with the devil. My mental health would get worse and worse until I self harmed, and her solution was that I needed to pray more because it was satan making me do this. She then accused me of loving the attention, and "trying to be mysterious" because I would cover my arms covered in cuts, or I would spend days not wanting to talk or eat. On some says she would tell me I was beautiful, and on other days tell me that my hair, clothing, makeup, walk, voice tone, didn't suit me. The constant duality left me feeling like nothing was ever secure, or constant, and that I was the cause of that.
For a long time, I felt like there were just too many aspects in my past that would allow me to untangle the mess that I was. But believe me, if you work through it piece by piece, the other parts start falling into place, no matter how tangled you feel like your past is.
A lot of it involves gradual work that allows you to slowly and safely revisit various problems in your past. A professional will know how to walk through this with you so that it doesn't become too much to handle. :hugs:
It can seem really overwhelming at first, but believe me, it can be worked through. I experienced s abuse myself as a kid from a family member, along with being raised by an extremely religious mother who has narcissistic personality disorder, so I can understand some of what you mean when it feels like too much to process and let go of. She would be convinced that demons were standing around me and that I was somehow communing with the devil. My mental health would get worse and worse until I self harmed, and her solution was that I needed to pray more because it was satan making me do this. She then accused me of loving the attention, and "trying to be mysterious" because I would cover my arms covered in cuts, or I would spend days not wanting to talk or eat. On some says she would tell me I was beautiful, and on other days tell me that my hair, clothing, makeup, walk, voice tone, didn't suit me. The constant duality left me feeling like nothing was ever secure, or constant, and that I was the cause of that.
For a long time, I felt like there were just too many aspects in my past that would allow me to untangle the mess that I was. But believe me, if you work through it piece by piece, the other parts start falling into place, no matter how tangled you feel like your past is.
That sounds awful worry I’m sorry you went though that too. It’s sickening to me how a parent could be so damaging to their daughter. I tell my girls they are amazing every day, and my son. I will never let them feel the way I did as a child with my own mother. I hope you’ve managed to process some of what you went through, and that gives me some hope that maybe I could too. Did you have therapy?
With my mum having bpd she also can be mean sometimes, she wasn’t to that extent as she suffers more mania and then a huge depressive come down. Her manic episodes are hard to handle though as she’s calling me, messaging me. Talking at 1000 miles an hour, making plans and making bad choices. Not sleeping for days at a time and spending all her money. She actually makes me anxious. She will come down to reality again in a couple of weeks or so and go back to sleeping all day again.
The psychiatrist said to me that it’s important we unravel the past but the health anxiety is the most important thing right now.
I have some therapy starting Thursday, absolutely no idea what that’s going to entail. He called it soothing therapy. I need to collect my meds as well so I can increase my dose.
I missed a tablet last night because I wondered if that was causing my stomach issues and feeling sick. Well this morning I feel sick still and dizzy when I woke up. I’m scared guys I am so scared.
What the hell is happening to me. I am so scared I have a brain tumour
Hi everyone.
Nora, I honestly don’t want sympathy, it’s the reassurance that I feel like I need, I simply can’t reassure myself but that’s what hopefully will come as my medication is upped and I start therapy.
You have to learn how to cope with your anxiety and that can't happen while you're constantly seeking reassurance on here (or anywhere else)
I’ve had HA since a child so the behaviours are very much set into my brain.
Excuse number one.. (I've had health anxiety since I was a very small child too)
Behind the scenes you guys can’t really see what’s going on, I’m getting up and looking after my four children and trying my best and hardest to get on. Im not posting about what I am doing, I usually post when I’m in a big flap and a panic. But I'm forcing myself to get up and washed, dressed etc. I'm still going out and doing things. Im just constantly stuck in a fear loop.
Do you honestly think you're the only person on here experiencing this?
You don't see behind my scenes either Chloe. (nor do I think you'd want to swap) But I can sit on here (or anywhere) and complain about it or I can get the hell on with it. (I choose the latter)
Posting on here is part of my reassurance seeking and ocd, and in time maybe that will stop like it did before when I had periods of less health anxiety.
The ONLY way you will get a grip on your HA is to learn how to challenge those thoughts. I have OCD too and I am now able to control my HA. Yes, having OCD makes it harder to control HA because they are both problems with irrational thinking but it's by no means impossible. (Sorry mate, but you're just using this an another excuse)
I’m still actively taking my medication which has now been increased, I’ve ordered a Claire weekes book to read which I have heard is helpful. There are many small ways I am trying.
Taking medication is part of what needs to happen; it only addresses symptoms of anxiety, not the thinking..
As for Claire Weekes..
Having a book and reading that book, as in, absorbing the information and advice within it, are two different things..
My mum always says to me, you want to be unwell Chloe. And that simply isn’t true, it’s the fear of being unwell and leaving my kids and it consumes me.
With respect, only you can know what's in your head. It is the case that some people have their reasons for choosing to remain under the grip of HA. That's not me being a cow; it's fact. And none of us on here can know what's what with you; only you can know. If someone had said this to me when I was having my breakdown, I'd have punched them. But I know enough about the mind to understand (and accept) that this does happen; that humans can find comfort even in the shittiest of circumstances, and that sometimes we need to look within ourselves to work out if there's a part of us that is actually gets something from all of this. Someone recently mentioned that maybe it's the 'audience that people have never had' and that's a very valid point. It doesn't mean that we don't have a MH issue. It doesn't mean that we don't have HA; the contrary. It's just that, this teensy weensy part of us clinging to this comfort is preventing us from being able to get better. You get me?
I’ve had an upset stomach for a few days now and I’m frightened, I wake up feeling sick, and then I have loose stools.
I mean, this is an average day for me (minus the fear bit) :huh:
I just want the upset tummy to stop and I might be able to relax a little bit.
Doesn't work that way Chloe..
There are reasons for the upset tummy..
One, by your own admission - you've increased your meds. Upset stomach/bowels etc is a side effect of many medications. You can expect side effects whenever you start a new drug or up the dosage on an existing one. You have to give your body time to adjust to the change..
Two, you are catastrophising this normal symptom and so you are making the situation worse because anxiety directly affects the digestive system..
I'm literally sick of telling people to deal with the symptom. To listen to what your body is telling you. If you have loose bowel movements, eat food that will firm them up a little and vice-versa. Drink peppermint tea for the nausea and get on with your day!
It’s just really bizzare, and especially how it started after the visual effect I had.
It's not even remotely bizarre. This is just you not understanding your own body or the stress response. (Go back and read what we've written on eye symptoms and the stress response)
I know if it carries on I’ll need to see the doctor and the thought of seeing the doctor makes me panic. The first time that visual effect happened I didn’t have loose stools afterwards so maybe it’s unrelated, but I don’t understand why I’m suddenly having an upset tummy. It only happens in the mornings once. And then not again through the day.
You clearly aren't reading our responses are you?
You've been having these 'visual effects' all your life Chloe. Everybody does. It's just that you are HYPER FOCUSED on what your body is doing and you are literally noticing EVERY symptom and response and misinterpreting them for something serious. (When I wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack, I literally struggle to see. I have all sorts of shit going on but I don't freak out because I know what's happening to me)
You are trawling out the same responses time and time again. For us, it feels like shouting into the wind, as in, pointless. (you're not listening)
And, yes you do want sympathy..
I know what triggered my health anxiety if that’s what you mean by void. I was brought up by just my mum who has bpd, my dad suffers from alcoholism and crippling anxiety. My mum was never there for me so my gran looked after me most of the time, but my gran was a strict Jehovah’s Witness and I used to get taken to her meetings and they traumatised me because all they would talk about is the end of the world and death, how you would be burned alive if you had sinned and I believed that at the time.
My grandad was a peaodphile who abused my mum as a child but I had to be left there else I would of gone into care. My mum had lots of different men in the house and relationships that were traumatic due to domestic violence. I never ever felt safe as a kid. My mum had continuous breakdowns and suffers from psychotic episodes which as a child I didn’t understand. That’s where my anxiety comes from and it’s morphed into health anxiety. I’ve then gone onto having my own toxic relationships and dealing with my brothers illness which gave me ptsd. I don’t want sympathy that’s just what triggered my mental state, that and probably my genes from having two parents with serious mental health disorders.
What's this if not looking for sympathy, Chloe? It's also human nature to seek it. But I've also noticed a pattern where you pull this stuff out when people start to suggest that you could be choosing to keep this going...(albeit consciously or sub-consciously)
My sympathy for you with all this is a given but I am talking to you as someone who has suffered just as much as you have in terms of abuse (albeit in different ways) and if you think that your history is the smoking gun as to why you cannot work to control your health anxiety, then I have to speak up here and say otherwise..
What you appear to have been through; what other people have done to you, and what you have done to yourself in the past is something you cannot change, ever. What happens now; this minute; this second - is totally up to you. You can choose to take your past and use it as the excuse to stay as you are, or you can use it to get yourself out of this hole you're in because, lady, if you can come through all of that shit and survive, you have what it takes to go the distance with HA (and win or at least, control the beast)
Bottom line: you feel unwell because you're making this so. Nobody ever felt great when experiencing fight or flight. We're not designed to feel great; we're designed to fight or run (or freeze). You are experiencing the physical symptoms of a psychological problem, nothing more. You need to come to terms with the fact that one day you will die, but that's unlikely to be today, tomorrow, or for years and years.. Your children will grow up and one day you will understand that their childhoods passed you by because your mind was elsewhere. You have no control over death, but you do have control over your life and how you choose to respond to ANY GIVEN SITUATION. I am truly sorry that you've suffered as you have but the bottom line is that you get to choose whether to allow your past to dictate (and ruin) your present and future, or you choose to be motivated because of them. I have no intention of telling my whole story on here, or anywhere. But I use that crap to propel me forwards and every time I win at 'life', I stick it to the people who have hurt me. (And it's my hope that you can do the same..)
Death isn't the problem; living is the problem. Your kids will be fine without you, not that you're going anywhere anytime soon. You know why? Because we as a species are primed for survival, and that's what your body is doing with all these symptoms you're experiencing. You don't understand it so you fear it. You feel threatened so your thoughts are fearful and your brain is responding to this fear by releasing stress hormones - the same hormones which are designed to be burned off by running or fighting. But there is no danger with you; there's no danger to fight or run from, and so you're flooded with adrenalin, cortisol etc which is designed to be burned off.. It's all so simple it should be laughable.. (except that I know how unfunny severe anxiety is)
You, as a mum, have a job to do and at the moment you are failing to do that job to the best of your ability because your mind is elsewhere. You're mothering on auto-pilot and this needs to change. Would you agree? The past? Don't use that as an excuse to stay in this hole. Use it as the reason to get out and show those abusive effers that they didn't break you. On the contrary, you're magnificent! (I know that I am, but it did take me almost 50 years to realise it)
Keep your eyes on the goal; ditch the excuses and do the work.
I'm not interested in what colour your shit looks like or how many times you've taken a dump today. I want to hear about what you are doing to help yourself. I want to see some evidence that you are taking notice of what people say to you on here Chloe..
You have a Claire Weekes book? Great! Read it. Re-read it. Read it some more. Memorise every word. Write things down. This can be your bible from now on. I listen to the audio tapes as well because I like how her Aussie voice sounds. (Also, I couldn't concentrate to read) Claire's like an Aussie Gran; kind but takes no shit. I like Claire Weekes. I listened to those tapes when I had my breakdown and they helped me to get through those hours where I felt like I was loosing my grip on reality and all I could do was to sit in a chair. It's not enough to say to us, 'I have a book'. So what? I have hundreds. It's what you do with the information in that book that matters...
Anyway, sadly, I doubt that anything I've said will make any difference. And that I've probably just wasted two and half hours writing this post, but the hope is, as always, that something I say will click with you..
However, I know that I am enabling you with the reassurance seeking (albeit with good intentions) so my choice from now on is not to do this. You have all the information you need. It's all here on this forum, if not this thread. There is so much really great advice on here and information, and it's all free! People like me have put the time in with the education. I suggest that others follow suit in not enabling you with the reassurance seeking but I also know that this isn't going to happen. And I get it, it's incredibly hard to ignore someone in distress but maybe it will sit a little better when we understand that our responses are helping you to stay in this hole?
Nora, thank you for writing all the things I couldn't articulate.
WorryRaptor
11-08-22, 10:33
Did you have therapy?
Yes I did :) It genuinely helped me to make sense of what could have been a catalyst. Once I identified why I was predisposed to certain thought patterns, I felt like I could actively address my problems. Now, this is the important bit - my past trauma was only what pushed me into an unhealthy pattern, it wasn't an excuse not to get better. It can be easy to fall back into the safety net of past trauma so that you don't have to face your problems head on because lets face it, they're painful!
Therapy helped me to take back control, but the work after that was up to me. I'm still doing that every day. Everything that happened to me as a child was traumatic, yes, but it's no longer a defining feature of the person I am now. I needed to implement the tools I had learned in therapy to break the pattern of OCD compulsions, and make the decision not to let old traumas have any hold on my life choices.
Revisiting what I said a little while back, how about writing a list of positive actions you could take today to address the anxiety? Write them down here for accountability.
Nora, this thread is an incredible resource now - for others.
Nora, thank you for writing all the things I couldn't articulate.
Cheers Blue..
I always worry that I waffle on way too much and that people will zone out part-way through my EPIC posts. (I dozed off twice whilst writing that one) :unsure:
Yes, brilliant post Nora.
I haven’t upped my dose yet Nora, I’m still on the 5mg which I’ve been on for 5 weeks. I feel absolutely awful from morning till about 3pm ish when I start feeling okay. But the loose stool isn’t stopping. I don’t need to run to the loo, but it’s there every morning. When should I see a doctor?
Yes I did :) It genuinely helped me to make sense of what could have been a catalyst. Once I identified why I was predisposed to certain thought patterns, I felt like I could actively address my problems. Now, this is the important bit - my past trauma was only what pushed me into an unhealthy pattern, it wasn't an excuse not to get better. It can be easy to fall back into the safety net of past trauma so that you don't have to face your problems head on because lets face it, they're painful!
Therapy helped me to take back control, but the work after that was up to me. I'm still doing that every day. Everything that happened to me as a child was traumatic, yes, but it's no longer a defining feature of the person I am now. I needed to implement the tools I had learned in therapy to break the pattern of OCD compulsions, and make the decision not to let old traumas have any hold on my life choices.
Revisiting what I said a little while back, how about writing a list of positive actions you could take today to address the anxiety? Write them down here for accountability.
I’m not saying this to sound stupid but I don’t feel like I can do much to stop the anxiety, while I have physical weird symptoms and strange things going on I’m just a frightened mess.
I am taking my kids to a splash park today though, and hoping I’ll be okay.
I’m nervous, but I’ve made myself eat something. Which is a positive because I’ve been adverse towards food when I feel like this.
You have to learn how to cope with your anxiety and that can't happen while you're constantly seeking reassurance on here (or anywhere else)
Excuse number one.. (I've had health anxiety since I was a very small child too)
Do you honestly think you're the only person on here experiencing this?
You don't see behind my scenes either Chloe. (nor do I think you'd want to swap) But I can sit on here (or anywhere) and complain about it or I can get the hell on with it. (I choose the latter)
The ONLY way you will get a grip on your HA is to learn how to challenge those thoughts. I have OCD too and I am now able to control my HA. Yes, having OCD makes it harder to control HA because they are both problems with irrational thinking but it's by no means impossible. (Sorry mate, but you're just using this an another excuse)
Taking medication is part of what needs to happen; it only addresses symptoms of anxiety, not the thinking..
As for Claire Weekes..
Having a book and reading that book, as in, absorbing the information and advice within it, are two different things..
With respect, only you can know what's in your head. It is the case that some people have their reasons for choosing to remain under the grip of HA. That's not me being a cow; it's fact. And none of us on here can know what's what with you; only you can know. If someone had said this to me when I was having my breakdown, I'd have punched them. But I know enough about the mind to understand (and accept) that this does happen; that humans can find comfort even in the shittiest of circumstances, and that sometimes we need to look within ourselves to work out if there's a part of us that is actually gets something from all of this. Someone recently mentioned that maybe it's the 'audience that people have never had' and that's a very valid point. It doesn't mean that we don't have a MH issue. It doesn't mean that we don't have HA; the contrary. It's just that, this teensy weensy part of us clinging to this comfort is preventing us from being able to get better. You get me?
I mean, this is an average day for me (minus the fear bit) :huh:
Doesn't work that way Chloe..
There are reasons for the upset tummy..
One, by your own admission - you've increased your meds. Upset stomach/bowels etc is a side effect of many medications. You can expect side effects whenever you start a new drug or up the dosage on an existing one. You have to give your body time to adjust to the change..
Two, you are catastrophising this normal symptom and so you are making the situation worse because anxiety directly affects the digestive system..
I'm literally sick of telling people to deal with the symptom. To listen to what your body is telling you. If you have loose bowel movements, eat food that will firm them up a little and vice-versa. Drink peppermint tea for the nausea and get on with your day!
It's not even remotely bizarre. This is just you not understanding your own body or the stress response. (Go back and read what we've written on eye symptoms and the stress response)
You clearly aren't reading our responses are you?
You've been having these 'visual effects' all your life Chloe. Everybody does. It's just that you are HYPER FOCUSED on what your body is doing and you are literally noticing EVERY symptom and response and misinterpreting them for something serious. (When I wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack, I literally struggle to see. I have all sorts of shit going on but I don't freak out because I know what's happening to me)
You are trawling out the same responses time and time again. For us, it feels like shouting into the wind, as in, pointless. (you're not listening)
And, yes you do want sympathy..
What's this if not looking for sympathy, Chloe? It's also human nature to seek it. But I've also noticed a pattern where you pull this stuff out when people start to suggest that you could be choosing to keep this going...(albeit consciously or sub-consciously)
My sympathy for you with all this is a given but I am talking to you as someone who has suffered just as much as you have in terms of abuse (albeit in different ways) and if you think that your history is the smoking gun as to why you cannot work to control your health anxiety, then I have to speak up here and say otherwise..
What you appear to have been through; what other people have done to you, and what you have done to yourself in the past is something you cannot change, ever. What happens now; this minute; this second - is totally up to you. You can choose to take your past and use it as the excuse to stay as you are, or you can use it to get yourself out of this hole you're in because, lady, if you can come through all of that shit and survive, you have what it takes to go the distance with HA (and win or at least, control the beast)
Bottom line: you feel unwell because you're making this so. Nobody ever felt great when experiencing fight or flight. We're not designed to feel great; we're designed to fight or run (or freeze). You are experiencing the physical symptoms of a psychological problem, nothing more. You need to come to terms with the fact that one day you will die, but that's unlikely to be today, tomorrow, or for years and years.. Your children will grow up and one day you will understand that their childhoods passed you by because your mind was elsewhere. You have no control over death, but you do have control over your life and how you choose to respond to ANY GIVEN SITUATION. I am truly sorry that you've suffered as you have but the bottom line is that you get to choose whether to allow your past to dictate (and ruin) your present and future, or you choose to be motivated because of them. I have no intention of telling my whole story on here, or anywhere. But I use that crap to propel me forwards and every time I win at 'life', I stick it to the people who have hurt me. (And it's my hope that you can do the same..)
Death isn't the problem; living is the problem. Your kids will be fine without you, not that you're going anywhere anytime soon. You know why? Because we as a species are primed for survival, and that's what your body is doing with all these symptoms you're experiencing. You don't understand it so you fear it. You feel threatened so your thoughts are fearful and your brain is responding to this fear by releasing stress hormones - the same hormones which are designed to be burned off by running or fighting. But there is no danger with you; there's no danger to fight or run from, and so you're flooded with adrenalin, cortisol etc which is designed to be burned off.. It's all so simple it should be laughable.. (except that I know how unfunny severe anxiety is)
You, as a mum, have a job to do and at the moment you are failing to do that job to the best of your ability because your mind is elsewhere. You're mothering on auto-pilot and this needs to change. Would you agree? The past? Don't use that as an excuse to stay in this hole. Use it as the reason to get out and show those abusive effers that they didn't break you. On the contrary, you're magnificent! (I know that I am, but it did take me almost 50 years to realise it)
Keep your eyes on the goal; ditch the excuses and do the work.
I'm not interested in what colour your shit looks like or how many times you've taken a dump today. I want to hear about what you are doing to help yourself. I want to see some evidence that you are taking notice of what people say to you on here Chloe..
You have a Claire Weekes book? Great! Read it. Re-read it. Read it some more. Memorise every word. Write things down. This can be your bible from now on. I listen to the audio tapes as well because I like how her Aussie voice sounds. (Also, I couldn't concentrate to read) Claire's like an Aussie Gran; kind but takes no shit. I like Claire Weekes. I listened to those tapes when I had my breakdown and they helped me to get through those hours where I felt like I was loosing my grip on reality and all I could do was to sit in a chair. It's not enough to say to us, 'I have a book'. So what? I have hundreds. It's what you do with the information in that book that matters...
Anyway, sadly, I doubt that anything I've said will make any difference. And that I've probably just wasted two and half hours writing this post, but the hope is, as always, that something I say will click with you..
However, I know that I am enabling you with the reassurance seeking (albeit with good intentions) so my choice from now on is not to do this. You have all the information you need. It's all here on this forum, if not this thread. There is so much really great advice on here and information, and it's all free! People like me have put the time in with the education. I suggest that others follow suit in not enabling you with the reassurance seeking but I also know that this isn't going to happen. And I get it, it's incredibly hard to ignore someone in distress but maybe it will sit a little better when we understand that our responses are helping you to stay in this hole?
Nora your posts are always my lifeline, one reason why I messaged you begging for your help earlier this year. Health anxiety strips away my intelligence, it turns me into this shadow of a person who I don’t want to be
That doesn't give you the right to use people, Chloe, and when you're not putting the effort in that becomes what it is.
Posted by Nora on another perpetual thread but very relevant here as well....
HA doesn't 'cloud' judgement, it obliterates rationality and common sense. It makes dickheads out of the most intelligent of people. It has them crying in front of emergency doctors, parents, children and partners. HA has them shaving off bits of hair to send off to labs for testing (and for extortionate amounts of money for almost no accuracy) and it has them on their hands and knees poking through their own shit. Some desperado's will post piccies of their bits to strangers on forums. (I still haven't gotten over seeing that willy while I was eating my cornflakes) HA has people begging to be sectioned so they can be medicated out of their minds. They use the word, 'but' a lot and also, 'this time'. They profess to 'know' their own bodies when they don't even understand the stress response or how it affects every part of the human body and how it is absolutely responsible for all of the symptoms they are experiencing and they refuse to accept that anxiety can make them feel this shit..
HA will take you to breaking point and then some. It won't stop until you decide to jump back into the drivers seat and take control, and even then it will try to take the wheel back time and time again. The first step is deciding you're going to take control back and wanting this with every ounce of your being. I'm talking you do this no matter what, end of. Disease or no disease. This fear stops here, not you making half-hearted statements to placate those around you. (or us) You have to want to get better and not give yourself no for an answer.
On this forum, you are getting the best advice and information from people who have experienced the very worst of HA and who've got themselves into a better place by working their @rses off. You are a fool to ignore them and an even bigger fool if you think that there is a quick fix to all of this. There isn't. There's only graft and determination for months and years - maybe for the rest of your life - and all I am seeing from you is the determination to remain as you are and to fuel the whole thing with your dramatic narrative where the words almost leap from the screen with a sense of something like satisfaction? I sometimes get the feeling that you would be getting out the party poppers if they ever did diagnose you with a disease, you get me? Maybe I'm reading this all wrong? I don't know. I can only go on what I see, and only you know what's going on in your head, right?
Bottom line: Do the work or stay as you are.
Spot on! I've said as much on this and other perpetual threads and its quite apparent the 'stay as you are' option isn't working out too well :lac:
FMP
WorryRaptor
12-08-22, 12:55
I’m not saying this to sound stupid but I don’t feel like I can do much to stop the anxiety
You might feel like you can't, but logically, you know there are steps you could take. This entire thread is quite literally full of them. Feelings are unreliable when anxiety is driving.
I don't think there's a lot more I can say here, and I'm honestly reluctant to, as I don't know if I'm helping or hindering. I would just urge you to listen to the great advice from countless people here, commit to therapy, and put a professionals advice into action.
That doesn't give you the right to use people, Chloe, and when you're not putting the effort in that becomes what it is.
I agree. Likewise your good friends "in real life". They shouldn't be used as reassurance- seeking devices either.
Nora your posts are always my lifeline, one reason why I messaged you begging for your help earlier this year. Health anxiety strips away my intelligence, it turns me into this shadow of a person who I don’t want to be
I don't believe that. It's just another excuse and suggests complete helplessness. You've actually got professional help now. Why not take advantage of it?
One thing I always think about is how my fears and worries aren’t ridiculous. If I was afraid of an alien landing in the front garden maybe, but illness is very real and can happen to anyone.
That’s why I struggle to be ‘rational’ because it COULD happen. So it’s a hard battle with your mind to try and tell yourself it’s okay.
I’m sat here panicking because I’ve had upset stomach again this morning, I feel weird. And it’s been ever since that eye thing happened. I’m so sick of feeling like this. I feel in total avoidance mode with doctors since I went to A&E and had my MRI. I just can’t cope at the moment with tests. Even having my blood pressure taken I couldn’t handle just in case it was sky high. When does this end?? Fact is it doesn’t. I’m battling on everyday but I’m not winning the war here.
I don't believe that. It's just another excuse and suggests complete helplessness. You've actually got professional help now. Why not take advantage of it?
I’ve been speaking to my support worker a lot. Messaging her and she’s been calling me. I’m not sure if it really helps. I just ask her for reassurance, same as everyone else
I agree. Likewise your good friends "in real life". They shouldn't be used as reassurance- seeking devices either.
No they shouldn’t. In all honesty my friends don’t really reassure me anymore.
Nora your posts are always my lifeline, one reason why I messaged you begging for your help earlier this year. Health anxiety strips away my intelligence, it turns me into this shadow of a person who I don’t want to be
HA does more than to strip away intelligence. I needed that time out Chloe because I was struggling with anxiety and my physical health. I came off all forms of social media because that's what I needed to do to help myself. And you knew I was taking time out. However, I saw your message via e-mail notification, and I can't ignore someone who asks me for help. To ignore your message would have caused me more anxiety so you were always going to get a response.
You thought only about what you needed. And that's something else that HA does; we become self-absorbed and behave selfishly.
A lifeline is only as good as the person who wants to be rescued, Chloe. I've used this analogy time and time again, but you are surrounded by lifelines - none of which you have chosen to grab onto.
You're in the water. There are people throwing you the lifelines urging you to grab on, but you appear to have no intention of doing so. Eventually this starts to look like you just want the audience.
In contrast, I was desperately trying to grab onto anything that could possibly help me and sticking with this analogy - I'd have grabbed onto a floating twig, a manky old oil drum. I'd have held onto a rotting carcass if I'd have thought it would have got me to a better place!
The reality is that some people don't want to be rescued, it becomes about the drama/comfort/whatever for them. Only the individual truly knows what's in their heads. We can only go on what people write on here. And I'm not trying to say that people choose this from the onset, because I don't believe that. But I do think that HA (as awful and shitty as it is) has the potential to give as well as take.
If you truly don't want to be this person, then you must put the work in and stop using us and this forum as a way to feed your HA. Use NMP in a way that will help you get better, not fuel your HA. Use the search option. Go back through the posts on this thread. Engage with therapy. See yourself as the person you want to be and grab onto those lifelines when they come your way. Sooner or later, people get wise to what's happening, and they start to walk away. True enough, there will always be new people who you can manipulate but I would ask you to bear in mind that almost every member on this forum is here because we have our own struggles but are still willing to help others. We, as individuals, can say that we're not going to enable your behaviour anymore but, as I said, others will take our places. This is the nature of forums. You, and only you, can change this path you're on. Nothing that I say (or anybody else) will make one iota of difference to you unless you are prepared to do the work and help yourself. This 'shadow of a person'? You've created her Chloe. Not your family or partner. YOU. And just as you have created her, you can choose to create a different version of yourself - one that brings you happiness.
If you truly don't want to be this 'shadow' of yourself, then you must do the work. No time limits. No excuses.
If well wishes and the effort of strangers (alone) made people better, you'd have stuck the V's up to HA years ago. You'd be enjoying life and be present with your kids, experiencing life with them instead of being on autopilot. But the reality is that we can't make you better. Nor can doctors or therapists unless you do the work and genuinely want to get better.
I choose to stop here. There's nothing more I can say to you that hasn't been said numerous times. It's all here if you take the time to search for it. I will try (very hard) not to enable your reassurance seeking behaviour because that's not helping you and all I ever want to do on here is help people control their health anxiety like I was able to control mine. I can only tell you how I did that and the effort I had to put in. It's up to you what you do with the information...
WorryRaptor
13-08-22, 13:09
A lifeline is only as good as the person who wants to be rescued, Chloe. I've used this analogy time and time again, but you are surrounded by lifelines - none of which you have chosen to grab onto.
Yes, this exactly.
One thing I always think about is how my fears and worries aren’t ridiculous. If I was afraid of an alien landing in the front garden maybe, but illness is very real and can happen to anyone.
That’s why I struggle to be ‘rational’ because it COULD happen. So it’s a hard battle with your mind to try and tell yourself it’s okay.
Most peoples fears are seated in some reality. Even my most far fetched ones COULD happen. Your fears are no stronger than everyone else's here. The people who are sharing advice on what to do, are the people who have been where you are. You need to get out of the "but mines different" mindset and start applying practical solutions. Like it's been said a thousand times here already, that's a YOU decision. You have to make the choice to face the anxiety for what it is, and help yourself. If you keep brushing it aside, it really does look like you're only thriving on the attention, bolstered by bumps of reassurance. I don't want to assume that's what you're doing, but it really comes across that way.
Like Nora said, there's a wealth of resources in this thread, all contributed to help YOU. If this was my thread, I'd be in tears of gratitude that people had taken their precious time to help me to such an extent.
I truly hope you can conquer this Chloe.
This thread has the biggest weath of advice I've seen on any thread in NMP. 122 pages that could trigger a change to your thinking if you truly internalise it and make a change - YOU have to want to make that change though and I don't see any evidence yet that you want to/are willing to. I don't know why you don't want to - or don't try to - and seem to not really understand what is being said. I do think you 'understand' it on a superficial reading level, but you just won't commit to it and take the real tough action. Its like someone reading a really good 'how to stop smoking book' and saying it didn't work for them, when actually they didn't really engage with the messages - just read the words and went immediately back to their habitual thought processes. This isn't just you, but a common theme amongst those who are serial long-term posters for many many years - for some reason, some people seem to choose to stay in the awful position they are in.
ALL HA comes from fear of illness and dying - you aren't different, you are like everyone else with this faulty thought pattern. Somewhere on these pages, and goodness knows where as the thread is so long, there was advice on acceptance of eventual death as one of the key parts of dealing with the continual fear.
We are saying accept the fear, but the fear is so strong it’s overpowering. My body and mind wants to fight it and stop it. So I’m always in fight mode to try and push it away.
I think a lot of my fear stems from ptsd from my brother, and the memories of that can’t ever be erased. Who here would just accept if something scary happens to them?
Like my support worker says to do breathing exercises, but how can that possibly work to get through someone thinking that their dying from an awful illness all the time. I know we are saying acceptance is the key but there is only so much I can say I’ll accept, my body reacts to everything.
I had an awful day yesterday with my 5 year old, she’s being assessed for ADHD and she definitely has something going on. I gather all my strength to take them out and it was a disaster. I came home in tears and I had a panic attack. All of today and yesterday my arm feels weak and heavy, so now I’m back to freaking out and I’m scared and stressed. frightened it’s gonna get worse or suddenly go floppy. I can’t imagine ever getting past this. It’s too large in my mind. I feel like all I can do is live the best I can and try and get through each day.
But if you guys now won’t respond to me that’s another path exhausted that alleviated some of the anxiety for me
Don't emotionally blackmail us Chlobo.
Do you think you are the first person in the world to ever be this bad ? To have the problems you have ? Do you think those of us here replying don't recognise and haven't experienced the 'overpowering' strength of anxiety ? WE HAVE. It is SO HARD to find the effort and fight, but thats what is needed. All of the advice here, on your threads for years, if followed, would have helped - but you keep 'giving in' to the Hanxiety.
Nobody here owes you anything, Chloe. So many of us have gone above and beyond to help you but demanding a constant supply of reassurance isn't practical and isn't fair.
I’m not saying anyone does owe me anything, I just need a kind word
And so you're demanding one, after all the time and effort people have invested in you. I know how anxiety can twist a person, but please believe me when I say you're behaving very badly right now, and that's something you need to think on.
...Editing this to put it a bit more nicely: you need to learn to give yourself the kind words you need.
But if you guys now won’t respond to me that’s another path exhausted that alleviated some of the anxiety for me
Considering you tossed down the 'my abusive past is the reason I can't ever help myself' card the other day, I'm not at all surprised that you've chosen to bring out this emotional blackmail card... (but I really wish you hadn't)
I'm not here to alleviate your anxiety. I'm here to help you to control your anxiety; to challenge your thoughts, to understand the stress response, and to encourage you to help yourself.
I just need a kind word
You want the tea and sympathy. You want the pity. You want the attention. (But it isn't what you need, and it isn't what will help you out of this mess)
You're getting resistance from the regulars right now, and that's why you are resorting to this kind of manipulative behaviour. True enough, someone will be along soon enough to give you want you want because they won't have trawled through the pages of this saga, and they will feel sorry for you...
I feel sorry for you too, Chloe, but not in the way you think. I feel sorry that you're choosing not to listen and that you're choosing to keep yourself in this hole. I feel sorry for you that you are choosing to emotionally blackmail us into giving you what you want. (Is this really who you want to be?)
This thread is full of kindness. Or don't you consider strangers giving up their time to help you an act of kindness?
You have one hundred and twenty-three pages of kindness.
And the best kindness you could show yourself (and us) right now is to set aside a few hours of your time and go back to PAGE ONE and start reading this thread, and maybe then you will start to truly appreciate the effort that's gone into it?
But you won't do that will you?
Those 'kind words' which you want (in other words, 'reassurance seeking') won't help you. All this will do is to keep you here in your 'comfort' zone, to where you 'think' you feel safe. You have to be able to be alone with your health anxiety and to control it, Chloe. You have to be able to exist with it at 3am in the morning, and in the queue in Tesco's, and in the park or the zoo. To do this, you need to understand the beast and how to shrink it down from the size of Godzilla to something that you can boss about a bit, you get me?
Also, you have to take responsibility for your behaviour. Your behaviour is down to you and only you. You can choose to keep using everybody else as an excuse to stay in the hole you're in, or you can choose to take control, NO MATTER WHAT. And nobody (on here or anywhere else) can make that choice for you.
[/COLOR]Considering you tossed down the 'my abusive past is the reason I can't ever help myself' card the other day, I'm not at all surprised that you've chosen to bring out this emotional blackmail card... (but I really wish you hadn't)
I'm not here to alleviate your anxiety. I'm here to help you to control your anxiety; to challenge your thoughts, to understand the stress response, and to encourage you to help yourself.
You want the tea and sympathy. You want the pity. You want the attention. (But it isn't what you need, and it isn't what will help you out of this mess)
You're getting resistance from the regulars right now, and that's why you are resorting to this kind of manipulative behaviour. True enough, someone will be along soon enough to give you want you want because they won't have trawled through the pages of this saga, and they will feel sorry for you...
I feel sorry for you too, Chloe, but not in the way you think. I feel sorry that you're choosing not to listen and that you're choosing to keep yourself in this hole. I feel sorry for you that you are choosing to emotionally blackmail us into giving you what you want. (Is this really who you want to be?)
This thread is full of kindness. Or don't you consider strangers giving up their time to help you an act of kindness?
You have one hundred and twenty-three pages of kindness.
And the best kindness you could show yourself (and us) right now is to set aside a few hours of your time and go back to PAGE ONE and start reading this thread, and maybe then you will start to truly appreciate the effort that's gone into it?
But you won't do that will you?
Those 'kind words' which you want (in other words, 'reassurance seeking') won't help you. All this will do is to keep you here in your 'comfort' zone, to where you 'think' you feel safe. You have to be able to be alone with your health anxiety and to control it, Chloe. You have to be able to exist with it at 3am in the morning, and in the queue in Tesco's, and in the park or the zoo. To do this, you need to understand the beast and how to shrink it down from the size of Godzilla to something that you can boss about a bit, you get me?
Also, you have to take responsibility for your behaviour. Your behaviour is down to you and only you. You can choose to keep using everybody else as an excuse to stay in the hole you're in, or you can choose to take control, NO MATTER WHAT. And nobody (on here or anywhere else) can make that choice for you.
You are right Nora. I apologise.
It's easy to apologise. It's easy to beg for "help"/attention on here. It's far harder to resolve to change the record and to start being responsible for your mental health and to make the most of professional support offered to you in real life.
I try but then a symptom comes up, it’s one thing after another. Now it’s my arm, it feels weak and heavy and horrible. I don’t want to even use it. I had an intense day of stress yesterday, so I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s that. I’ve been reading my Claire weekes book but like you all said reading it and believing it are two different things. The only way to relieve this torment or increase it depending on the results is to get tests done. Tests which I have been fighting against like bloods and brains scans. I feel like you’re all exhausted of me here but you can’t be anymore exhausted of me than I am of myself. Every single day is fighting panic attack after panic attack. I’ve messaged my support worker, I usually do when I feel bad. I’m hoping she will get back to me tomorrow.
I have read back through a lot of this thread and honestly the spine stuff is upsetting to read, I was actually in such a bad cycle I couldn’t see anything else. I wasted more time with my children that I won’t ever get back.
The only way to relieve this torment or increase it depending on the results is to get tests done. Tests which I have been fighting against like bloods and brains scans.
You haven't read this thread properly. I think Chlobo you have simply abstracted certain parts of what is written here and not the important parts which are the positive 'how to take control' elements discussed. If you'd read this thread in full, and internalised it, you'd know peoples' advice and perspective on 'getting tests done'. Its been repeated here on this thread and on all your other threads so many times, that I'm not going to repeat it here. To be frank, after the number of times its been discussed with you over the years, you should be able to repeat back to me verbatim why tests and checks won't relieve anything.
A suggestion - A better use of time would be to go through, with a notepad and write down all the advice in bullet points. Noting your suffering, your symptoms and assorted elements of the problem are null and void. You know you have HA (that awareness is there), you know you are wasting time with your children, you know you are spending each day in misery, you know you are going from one illness to another day after day after dayinpanic, you know why it started and how it started. Whats missing is reading and internalising and acting on suggestions and advice.
Actually commit to doing something about it Chlobo, write things down, be proactive - take some control over things yourself. Write down all the ideas that could help you. Print the thread - use a highlighter ? Sounds like hard work ? Well, thats the start - then you start putting into practice over and over and over what your support worker tells you, what people here have told you. Its empowering, to know that you can be in control, you can 'save' yourself. Thats a kind thought I'm sending your way, which has been repeated here many times - YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL.
Carys put it beautifully; it's a wonderful thing to know that you have the power to relieve your own suffering.
You can choose to take control yourself or you can choose not to and remain reliant on other people to comfort you. Is this what you need in your life to fill the void?
I try but then a symptom comes up, it’s one thing after another.
If you were to do the work and to learn how to challenge your thoughts, these things would happen.
One, your anxiety would lessen and that means fewer symptoms.
Two, any symptoms you do get, you'd be able to triage them rationally and not react with fear.
The only way to relieve this torment or increase it depending on the results is to get tests done. Tests which I have been fighting against like bloods and brains scans.
I was married to a man who had also a breakdown due to HA and he was 100% convinced he had a brain tumour. Nothing anybody said to him made any difference at all. His GP speaking to him? No. Therapists? No. He lost so much weight that he looked like a Holocaust victim, and it was all due to anxiety. In the end he had a scan done privately. I remember the 'conversation' we had on the way there in the car. I was heavily pregnant, hormonal to buggery, and my husband kept saying was how, 'this was it and he would be dead by Christmas'. We were both crying, albeit for different reasons. In his case - a brain scan was the only thing that could convince him that his brain wasn't diseased. Dude wasn't functioning. I was having to do everything, and while being heavily pregnant and having a four-year-old to look after. Sometimes, you have to weigh up the cost of a test to bringing someone back from the ledge. Actually, he was hanging off the bugger. (As was I) When I had my colonoscopy, the only red flag symptom I had was rapid weight loss. The bowel changes were explainable by my IBS. I didn't go into that theatre thinking that I could possibly be wrong. As far as I was concerned, I 'knew' bum cam would prove my fears right. I was prepared for this and accepting of my fate. That was my turning point. I was in the same place that my ex was when he had his brain scan, only his mental shift came when he was shown the images of his healthy brain. I honestly don't like to dwell on the outcome had we not had these 'circuit breakers'. I absolutely agree that doctors should not be testing people merely to alleviate their health anxiety, but the reality is that doctors over-test in general (which is partly why the system is at breaking point) and not everybody breaks down with this MH disorder. There is the risk to life & sanity to consider over the cost of a test and a clinician's time. Problem is that many (if most) doctors are not so great with disorders of the mind. This is why the first thing they do is to prescribe pills. My conclusion is that tests can indeed be a circuit breaker and can help to kick-start recovery from HA, or they can cause even more harm and serve to keep people in their hell holes because they come to rely on tests as reassurance etc...
However, you don't appear to be at that level of anxiety, Chloe. You're functioning; taking care of your kids, and you are coherent. I was prepared to receive the news that I had bowel cancer and ready to deal with it because that's what acceptance means. A diagnosis of bowel cancer would not have tormented me anymore than I'd tormented myself. (On the contrary, I considered it a release). But I didn't have cancer and so I did what I needed to do in order to control my HA...
I feel like you’re all exhausted of me here but you can’t be anymore exhausted of me than I am of myself. Every single day is fighting panic attack after panic attack. I’ve messaged my support worker, I usually do when I feel bad.
Again, you need to be able to handle your anxiety, be alone with it, and not rely on other people to make you feel safe. That's the goal.
When I feel bad, I do what I have to do to help myself feel better. Otherwise, I am telling my brain that I can't feel better unless someone helps me. Hours can feel like days when we're anxious, so I think it pays to be able to cut this crap out and make with the self-care instead of relying on other people (who have their own lives)
I wasted more time with my children that I won’t ever get back.
That's gone. It's futile to dwell on past and you don't get to change it. Remember what happens when Marty McFly starts to piss about with the past? (His mum fancies him, right?) :unsure:
The best thing you can do is to learn from the past (And your mistakes)
The future is uncertain (as it is for all of us) but the present is all yours, so make the best choices that you can!
WorryRaptor
17-08-22, 09:38
A suggestion - A better use of time would be to go through, with a notepad and write down all the advice in bullet points. Noting your suffering, your symptoms and assorted elements of the problem are null and void. You know you have HA (that awareness is there), you know you are wasting time with your children, you know you are spending each day in misery, you know you are going from one illness to another day after day after dayinpanic, you know why it started and how it started. Whats missing is reading and internalising and acting on suggestions and advice.
Actually commit to doing something about it Chlobo, write things down, be proactive - take some control over things yourself. Write down all the ideas that could help you. Print the thread - use a highlighter ? Sounds like hard work ? Well, thats the start - then you start putting into practice over and over and over what your support worker tells you, what people here have told you. Its empowering, to know that you can be in control, you can 'save' yourself. Thats a kind thought I'm sending your way, which has been repeated here many times - YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL.
This is really good advice from Carys, Chloe.
This is really good advice from Carys, Chloe.
Seconded.
Nice work Carys! :shades:
This is really good advice from Carys, Chloe.
I will do this Cary’s, that is a good idea. Thank you. I don’t have time to reply to everyone right now so I will later on. I’m taking my kids out today and trying to push on
I don’t have time to reply to everyone right now so I will later on.
No need to do so. Spend the time taking in the advice and doing the work. If you're going to post make it positive and don't include symptoms or negativity.
FMP
WorryRaptor
17-08-22, 17:18
I don’t have time to reply to everyone right now so I will later on
No need to reply to everyone individually. I think we would all prefer to hear that you were applying the advice on this thread instead. An overall update on your progress would be great!:)
I can’t do all of those things when I’m in panic mode. I just can’t sit down and think anxiety, I feel like I’ll jinx myself.
My arm feels HORRID.
I brushed my teeth this morning and it felt achy and like a deadweight, I keep self testing, touching my finger to my nose with eyes shut, checking if I can touch finger to finger. I’ve done my mascara to see if I can apply it. My arm is just so uncomfortable. I have no idea what’s going on with it. This is the third day, I’m not sure if it’s feeling better than the first day I noticed it.
I’m petrified of weakness so now my mind is going to all sorts. I’ve tried to say it might be some carpal tunnel, it could be muscle related. But the fear and the intrusive thoughts are knocking me down and over.
I’m going to be booking a doctors appointment if it carries on. I can carry my baby and lift with it, but it just feels so rotten and heavy and weak.
Which in turn means I’m scared to write as it’s my dominant hand. I’m just praying it goes away soon. I don’t like sensations in my body that aren’t familiar, it just isn’t right.
I have a meeting today that’s important as well to do with the courts and I can barely focus. I burnt my sons breakfast twice this morning because I’m self testing, I can’t function very well like this
124 wasted pages.
It isn’t wasted blue, I just feel so bad. Neuro problems are my biggest fear
If you were to do the work and to learn how to challenge your thoughts, these things would happen.
One, your anxiety would lessen and that means fewer symptoms.
Two, any symptoms you do get, you'd be able to triage them rationally and not react with fear.
I was married to a man who had also a breakdown due to HA and he was 100% convinced he had a brain tumour. Nothing anybody said to him made any difference at all. His GP speaking to him? No. Therapists? No. He lost so much weight that he looked like a Holocaust victim, and it was all due to anxiety. In the end he had a scan done privately. I remember the 'conversation' we had on the way there in the car. I was heavily pregnant, hormonal to buggery, and my husband kept saying was how, 'this was it and he would be dead by Christmas'. We were both crying, albeit for different reasons. In his case - a brain scan was the only thing that could convince him that his brain wasn't diseased. Dude wasn't functioning. I was having to do everything, and while being heavily pregnant and having a four-year-old to look after. Sometimes, you have to weigh up the cost of a test to bringing someone back from the ledge. Actually, he was hanging off the bugger. (As was I) When I had my colonoscopy, the only red flag symptom I had was rapid weight loss. The bowel changes were explainable by my IBS. I didn't go into that theatre thinking that I could possibly be wrong. As far as I was concerned, I 'knew' bum cam would prove my fears right. I was prepared for this and accepting of my fate. That was my turning point. I was in the same place that my ex was when he had his brain scan, only his mental shift came when he was shown the images of his healthy brain. I honestly don't like to dwell on the outcome had we not had these 'circuit breakers'. I absolutely agree that doctors should not be testing people merely to alleviate their health anxiety, but the reality is that doctors over-test in general (which is partly why the system is at breaking point) and not everybody breaks down with this MH disorder. There is the risk to life & sanity to consider over the cost of a test and a clinician's time. Problem is that many (if most) doctors are not so great with disorders of the mind. This is why the first thing they do is to prescribe pills. My conclusion is that tests can indeed be a circuit breaker and can help to kick-start recovery from HA, or they can cause even more harm and serve to keep people in their hell holes because they come to rely on tests as reassurance etc...
However, you don't appear to be at that level of anxiety, Chloe. You're functioning; taking care of your kids, and you are coherent. I was prepared to receive the news that I had bowel cancer and ready to deal with it because that's what acceptance means. A diagnosis of bowel cancer would not have tormented me anymore than I'd tormented myself. (On the contrary, I considered it a release). But I didn't have cancer and so I did what I needed to do in order to control my HA...
Again, you need to be able to handle your anxiety, be alone with it, and not rely on other people to make you feel safe. That's the goal.
When I feel bad, I do what I have to do to help myself feel better. Otherwise, I am telling my brain that I can't feel better unless someone helps me. Hours can feel like days when we're anxious, so I think it pays to be able to cut this crap out and make with the self-care instead of relying on other people (who have their own lives)
That's gone. It's futile to dwell on past and you don't get to change it. Remember what happens when Marty McFly starts to piss about with the past? (His mum fancies him, right?) :unsure:
The best thing you can do is to learn from the past (And your mistakes)
The future is uncertain (as it is for all of us) but the present is all yours, so make the best choices that you can!
So after the news you didn’t have bowel cancer you challenged the health anxiety and it went on from there?
Was that the the final straw for you
If you were to do the work and to learn how to challenge your thoughts, these things would happen.
One, your anxiety would lessen and that means fewer symptoms.
Two, any symptoms you do get, you'd be able to triage them rationally and not react with fear.
I was married to a man who had also a breakdown due to HA and he was 100% convinced he had a brain tumour. Nothing anybody said to him made any difference at all. His GP speaking to him? No. Therapists? No. He lost so much weight that he looked like a Holocaust victim, and it was all due to anxiety. In the end he had a scan done privately. I remember the 'conversation' we had on the way there in the car. I was heavily pregnant, hormonal to buggery, and my husband kept saying was how, 'this was it and he would be dead by Christmas'. We were both crying, albeit for different reasons. In his case - a brain scan was the only thing that could convince him that his brain wasn't diseased. Dude wasn't functioning. I was having to do everything, and while being heavily pregnant and having a four-year-old to look after. Sometimes, you have to weigh up the cost of a test to bringing someone back from the ledge. Actually, he was hanging off the bugger. (As was I) When I had my colonoscopy, the only red flag symptom I had was rapid weight loss. The bowel changes were explainable by my IBS. I didn't go into that theatre thinking that I could possibly be wrong. As far as I was concerned, I 'knew' bum cam would prove my fears right. I was prepared for this and accepting of my fate. That was my turning point. I was in the same place that my ex was when he had his brain scan, only his mental shift came when he was shown the images of his healthy brain. I honestly don't like to dwell on the outcome had we not had these 'circuit breakers'. I absolutely agree that doctors should not be testing people merely to alleviate their health anxiety, but the reality is that doctors over-test in general (which is partly why the system is at breaking point) and not everybody breaks down with this MH disorder. There is the risk to life & sanity to consider over the cost of a test and a clinician's time. Problem is that many (if most) doctors are not so great with disorders of the mind. This is why the first thing they do is to prescribe pills. My conclusion is that tests can indeed be a circuit breaker and can help to kick-start recovery from HA, or they can cause even more harm and serve to keep people in their hell holes because they come to rely on tests as reassurance etc...
However, you don't appear to be at that level of anxiety, Chloe. You're functioning; taking care of your kids, and you are coherent. I was prepared to receive the news that I had bowel cancer and ready to deal with it because that's what acceptance means. A diagnosis of bowel cancer would not have tormented me anymore than I'd tormented myself. (On the contrary, I considered it a release). But I didn't have cancer and so I did what I needed to do in order to control my HA...
Again, you need to be able to handle your anxiety, be alone with it, and not rely on other people to make you feel safe. That's the goal.
When I feel bad, I do what I have to do to help myself feel better. Otherwise, I am telling my brain that I can't feel better unless someone helps me. Hours can feel like days when we're anxious, so I think it pays to be able to cut this crap out and make with the self-care instead of relying on other people (who have their own lives)
That's gone. It's futile to dwell on past and you don't get to change it. Remember what happens when Marty McFly starts to piss about with the past? (His mum fancies him, right?) :unsure:
The best thing you can do is to learn from the past (And your mistakes)
The future is uncertain (as it is for all of us) but the present is all yours, so make the best choices that you can!
Tests work for me in the short term, but then it’s just something else to panic about and a new test to get
Tests work for me in the short term, but then it’s just something else to panic about and a new test to get
No sh*t? We've been over this and over this for years.....
......Blue isn't totally right ( Hey bud !) , its not wasted, as someone will be reading this and be taking on board the points made.
You haven't done what was said have you Chlobo - printed and highlighted ?
No sh*t? We've been over this and over this for years.....
......Blue isn't totally right ( Hey bud !) , its not wasted, as someone will be reading this and be taking on board the points made.
You haven't done what was said have you - printed and highlighted ?
I haven’t no because my arm feels weak, I’m scared to write with it in case my fingers mess up
Managing to type though......
Its drawing a line through positive points with a highlighter not weight lifting !
Hey Carys! Fair point, hopefully we're helping someone while Chloe sits in her happy place.
I haven’t no because my arm feels weak, I’m scared to write with it in case my fingers mess up
Come on Chloe, this is pure crap!
You're typing just fine. No messing up at all. You're making excuses.
Can you honestly not see why people lose patience with you?
WorryRaptor
18-08-22, 11:58
Chloe, you’re typing here just fine. There is nothing stopping you from writing a list. You could even pick up your phone and record your own voice. That’s actually really helpful to listen back to, because it gives you a whole new perspective. I do it a lot when I’m trying to organise my thoughts.
124 wasted pages.
Spend the time taking in the advice and doing the work. If you're going to post make it positive and don't include symptoms or negativity.
I agree, it could help someone else but its not helping the OP in the least. Literally after posting the above was a symptom dump! :lac:
You can't help someone who cannot be helped :shrug:
I haven’t no because my arm feels weak, I’m scared to write with it in case my fingers mess up
What does that have to do with using a highlighter pen and as has been said, you're typing here so?..... I call excuses and BS :lac:
FMP
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