View Full Version : I know I'm posting again but I'm worried about my eyes
I am typing okay, just my arm feels so horrible. So again it’s causing me distress and a real struggle to cope. I will print it off and highlight it
I will print it off and highlight it
After you've highlighted the posts/words, C&P them here and prove you're doing it and tell us how the words help without symptom dumping.
FMP
After you've highlighted the posts/words, C&P them here and prove you're doing it and tell us how the words help without symptom dumping.
FMP
How do I copy and paste here?
Highlight and control-c to cut, control-v to paste.
Should I go right back to the beginning? There’s so many pages. All just as relevant though. It’s shocking to read some of this thread.
I think it's more practical to go back over the last month? You need to focus on a target which is manageable in view of the fact that you have 4 children to look after.
Also there's less incentive to say it's too all-consuming/exhausting/overwhelming etc
The posts are very repetitive and predictable..Just on different "ailments". The advice is consistent and consistently glossed over and ignored at the expense of new issues which deflect away from the self-help option.
Okay.
Very anxious this morning, my hand has cramped a few times and it’s painful. No idea what’s going on.
You're deflecting again with symptoms.
You're deflecting again with symptoms.
I am but I’m panicky about it. My arm feels so weird.
My arm feels so weird.
So what? :shrug:
KEEP READING AND COPYING!!!
Seriously, stop symptom dumping.
Seriously, stop symptom dumping.
Is that what we get too? We feel a sensation and it’s a so what scenario. I can’t imagine ever getting to that place
You're always feeling sensations. Everyone is, it's a sign we're alive.
You're always feeling sensations. Everyone is, it's a sign we're alive.
Yes but not sensations of weakness and heaviness. And it’s been 4 days like this now
How do you know other people aren't feeling those sensations?
Yes but not sensations of weakness and heaviness. And it’s been 4 days like this now
As Nora said - 'So what?'
As Blue said, its a sign you are alive, and everyone gets aches and pains.
I can’t imagine ever getting to that place
Thats because you haven't done the years of work required to get yourself to that place, and infact you haven't started it yet. I was like you, much worse actually, but certainly not for as long as I'd started doing whatever I could to learn to cope.
As Nora said - 'So what?'
As Blue said, its a sign you are alive, and everyone gets aches and pains.
Thats because you haven't done the years of work required to get yourself to that place, and infact you haven't started it yet. I was like you, much worse actually, but certainly not for as long as I'd started doing whatever I could to learn to cope.
Well I’ve used my carpet cleaner on my mattress this morning and my arm feels so heavy now. It’s like my muscles can’t take much without tireing in this arm. It’s unnerving and torturing.
I really don’t know how I got to a better place before when I stopped posting as much. I think I’m worse now when I was then a few years back. It’s hard to focus on healing when I’ve got so much to do all the time. I still haven’t had chance to print anything off. It’s summer holidays so the kids are always with me at the moment.
If you have time to type on here and test yourself endlessly, you have time to print a few pages out.
Right back at it I see. Not even one line C&Pd from the thread too :lac:
Oh well....
FMP
I still haven’t had chance to print anything off. It’s summer holidays so the kids are always with me at the moment.
Excuse number 50498
You found time to clean your mattress so there is no reason why you can't find the time to do this.
My guess is that it's because you have no intention of doing the work because to that would mean to help yourself, and that's not the narrative.
You clearly don't want out of this situation, despite how 'unnerving and torturous' things are.
I still have my notes, all written out and highlighted in different colours. I wrote until my hands were so painful that I had to take painkillers, and the next day I'd write some more. This is what you do when you want out of this hellhole that's HA. If your hand has been rendered 'useless' then record yourself as has been suggested to you by someone on here. FIND A WAY!
Again, I just want to say that the normal people on this thread (and other long term threads) are so wise, so wonderful, and so on-point in their observations that they rival any self-help book or service anyone would ever have to seek out, travel for, pay for.
I really hope NMP readers know and appreciate the treasure we've got here. Thank you all.
(and especially thanks to Nora, this reply I'm quoting below is just so excellent that it is motivating ME to keep pummeling my HA, even though I'm doing much better at present...)
Excuse number 50498
You found time to clean your mattress so there is no reason why you can't find the time to do this.
My guess is that it's because you have no intention of doing the work because to that would mean to help yourself, and that's not the narrative.
You clearly don't want out of this situation, despite how 'unnerving and torturous' things are.
I still have my notes, all written out and highlighted in different colours. I wrote until my hands were so painful that I had to take painkillers, and the next day I'd write some more. This is what you do when you want out of this hellhole that's HA. If your hand has been rendered 'useless' then record yourself as has been suggested to you by someone on here. FIND A WAY!
Is that what we get too? We feel a sensation and it’s a so what scenario. I can’t imagine ever getting to that place
Well you've safely negotiated 4 labours which is no mean feat. So much scope for HA in pregnancy too.
Well you've safely negotiated 4 labours which is no mean feat. So much scope for HA in pregnancy too.
My HA was bad with my son when pregnant but with my two daughters that came after not so much. Especially my last pregnancy, I didn’t really suffer with health anxiety much, it wasn’t until after she was born and her dad left that it all came back with a vengance
I've said this before and its been brought up on this thread. Most of the members responding to this and other perpetual threads are tenured. In this medium, if we all were to refrain from replying, there will always new members and others to feed the dragon. Also, as has been said, those visiting and other members can glean the great advice offered on these threads. Thing is, it's already been said dozens of times throughout the perpetual threads so :shrug:
Anyway.......
FMP
I just have to keep reminding myself that for every 'Chloe', there are other people reading these posts who are motivated by what we write and Kyllikki's post is evidence of this. As long as this stuff is getting through to somebody our time and effort isn't wasted.
Refraining from replying, I think, would simply drive Chloe elsewhere for her fix. (Or, like you say, FMP, there will always be someone new on here who will take up the reigns)
Chloe's behaviour is ingrained and isn't going away any time soon. As I've said before (and many times) as crap as HA is, it's easier to stay as we are because we don't have to change a thing. HA is hard to exist with, for sure, but it's a lot harder to work against the flow of those irrational thoughts. The brain is now used to the HA behaviour. It's habitual. So, the brain has to be re-trained, and this requires time, effort, and determination. In terms of HA recovery, Chloe's not in the stadium, let alone on the starter blocks! (I've been watching the European games innit)
The bus (as in us) keeps turning up for her every day, but she waves it on by, choosing instead to fixate on her body, Google, seek reassurance, symptom dump, and to make a million excuses as to why she can't help herself. (And to be able to even begin to control this MH disorder, you have to want to get on the bus!) :shrug:
Honestly, this is just a theory but I suspect that having 4 kids doesn't give Chloe much room for being cared for herself, so reassurance and attention from others must feel good on some level.
She's going about it in an entirely unhelpful way, though.
I agree, Blue. HA gives her the attention that she has maybe lacked in her life? It makes her "special" and is just for her.What incentive is there for her to change these behaviours if they serve the purpose?
Exactly, and Chloe gives no indication whatsoever of wanting to change her behavioural patterns.
In her position, I'd probably be the same, but I always knew I couldn't handle having children and therefore didn't.
Maybe you’re both right in a way, maybe it is just something I’ve engrained in myself and I’m scared to change. So used to being afraid all the time that to be any other way would be too alien.
I am going to go back over the posts and highlight the last month, my laptop is super slow so I mainly come on here using my phone which means it’s harder to navigate around. But I’ll fire it up and do the last month.
The arm is still the same this morning but I’m fighting, I haven’t been out the house in four days due to anxiety so today I will wash and do my hair and put some slap on. I need to take my daughter to her girlguiding event so I will do that as much as my head is screaming to hide inside.
So I went and did my food shop, had my hand holding the trolly all the way around, moved my hand to take my phone out of my bag, and it felt so odd and stiff. I felt my hand and it was freezing cold. My thumb was super stiff and I struggled to move it to type a text. Queue panic and leaving shop. I managed to get most of what I needed. I won’t ask you for reassurance but I’m still going to type out what I am experiencing right now, I can’t sit with it inside my head
Why not?
It’s the instant fear reaction. My body and mind go into fear mode before I can stop it, and then I feel like I have to speak it to try and cope
Speak it to yourself. It's just self-soothing. You don't need to document every sensation you have. You are not coping yourself, just expecting others to soothe you.
True story (based on P's sentence above) : Last week I had a sudden pain across my chest, under the breast area. It covered most of the left side in a big band. I won't deny, there was a moment of 'oh flip, whats that, it doesn't feel right/its worrying me'. Then, a fleeting moment of 'is it the start of a heart attack ?'.
So, at that point, I said to myself (out loud) -don't be silly you are breathing just fine (which you wouldn't be) and you can't feel your heart hammering/skipping or any other assorted pains - if you are stood here questioning ' is it a heart attack?' then it most certainly isn't. Serious things like cardiac arrests are obvious, there is no question, you just know as you feel sick, sweat, have a multitude of other symptoms and you'd look pale/clammy/ill and - yep - a quick check in the mirror proved I looked a normal colour for me.
Then I thought about the MOST likely scenario - I've been very stressed the last couple of months and tending to put my hands onto my hips and press down using the arm and chest muscles, pressing my hands against my waist. I'm doing it a lot, almost without knowing I am. Yup - I said to myself - that'll be it. I then carried on about my business around the house, and 20 minutes later it was gone. I found a likely cause and effect, told nobody else about it as it wasn't relevant because I could sort it myself.
You could have done the same today about your latest 'sensation'. Instead of running in panic - you could have stuck it out and told yourself why it was nothing to worry about and all the reasons it was nothing to worry about. You could have looked for likely cause and effect. You could have told yourself that whatever you were feeling was clearly not stopping you going shopping or getting on with your day, therefore its nothing to pay too much attention to.
Speak it to yourself, trust yourself, say - I've had panics 1000 times before and this one is no different, nothing happens, it will pass. (You should be getting some of this from your Claire Weekes book, she talks about panic response in loads of detail). You are always running to others, always, it will never be sorted that way.
I don't even bother to analyse pain..It just happens. I have a chronic pain condition and never feel the need to describe or talk about it. It's up to me to manage it.
When my anxiety is very high, and something new happens, I do analyse (interally) but I will say that once analysed for a few minutes......I move on and all is good. The story I told is unusual for me nowadays, to need to go to self-reassuring lengths, and it is symptomatic of being generally not in a great mental place. I know what you mean though, some things we are just responsible for and they are just there.......
Me too, Carys. Weird pain under the fingernails? Okay, weird but if I was really ill I'd know. Sharp chest pain? I'm breathing and my heart isn't pounding, so it's unlikely to be cardiac. Arm feeling a bit weak? Check how I've been sitting and realise it's probably an irritated tendon. Notice - acknowledge - dismiss.
I do do that sometimes, it depends on the symptom. I can handle pain better than other things. Chest pain scares me initially but I can have that thought process to an extent. It’s numbness, weakness or anything like that which really sets me off. I don’t really have an explanation for why my arm feels like this, it started after a really stressful shopping trip with my daughter and it hasn’t stopped. Even eating dinner is uncomfortable with the fork in my hand.
I pushed my daughters buggy home with that arm today as I had to push a scooter with another and it felt super weird when I got home.
Today I have done more than in this whole week so I’ve been pushing on as much as I can however difficult it seemed. I could have continued my shopping but I feel very vulnerable in public so it just isn’t a good place for me to start feeling that anxious.
Could anyone advise on what this weird arm feeling could be? I just have no idea why it feels so horrible
So I went and did my food shop, had my hand holding the trolly all the way around, moved my hand to take my phone out of my bag, and it felt so odd and stiff. I felt my hand and it was freezing cold. My thumb was super stiff and I struggled to move it to type a text. Queue panic and leaving shop. I managed to get most of what I needed. I won’t ask you for reassurance but I’m still going to type out what I am experiencing right now, I can’t sit with it inside my head
So, you managed to go through the check out. You were able to put your produce on the belt and pack your goods? Yet the 'queue panic and leaving shop' implies that you had to ditch your trolley and get out of there? This is what you are putting into your brain, Chloe when in reality, you appear to have coped a lot better than you are making out?
So, you managed to go through the check out. You were able to put your produce on the belt and pack your goods? Yet the 'queue panic and leaving shop' implies that you had to ditch your trolley and get out of there? This is what you are putting into your brain, Chloe when in reality, you appear to have coped a lot better than you are making out?
Yeah so it happened at the end of my shop, I was near the checkouts and I got my phone out of my bag and my arm felt strange, and then my thumb was so stiff and my hand was cold and it was hard to type or flex my fingers.
I hurried to the checkout and panicked, was self testing while stood there with my hands, but I packed as fast as I could by using the other hand and just had to get out.
I just don’t understand what’s going on. I looked back at my old posts from 2015 and actually during my pregnancy with my son I posted on here about a heavy weak arm. BUT that was said it was due to pregnancy by a doctor and I’m not pregnant so I’m not sure what’s going on.
When my brother had a BT his arm was weak so it scares me a lot nora
Could anyone advise on what this weird arm feeling could be? I just have no idea why it feels so horrible
Do the work, Chloe.
Do the work, Chloe.
But what if I do all this work and then it’s actually something serious. That’s how I feel, I’ll jinx myself into having an illness. Or I’ll be ignoring it when I shouldn’t be. My support worker said that’s part of the health anxiety.
I feel like I should of done this work when I had just just had a test that was clear. Like when my breast came back okay in December. Then I wouldn’t of had the thought of the illness hanging over me so much. At the moment I’m stuck in a weird loop that’s not ending. I had my MRI of my spine and it hasn’t shifted it. I feel better of course that it came back okay, but I’m still anxious about my health overall and if I’m okay, if there is something lurking inside that I don’t know about. Like just now I had a panic because I looked at my phone and saw a purple line, I was convinced it was a visual distortion. In actual fact it was just my phone screen and the background being highlighted through the keyboard. That’s how bad it is right now.
But what if I do all this work and then it’s actually something serious.
Then it will help you deal with that situation because part of learning how to control health anxiety is to enable you think rationally (and practice acceptance) all of the time.
I’ll jinx myself into having an illness.
Magical (and crap) thinking.
Or I’ll be ignoring it when I shouldn’t be.
Again, if you do the work properly, you will reach the stage where you are able to rationalise any situation and to know when you need to speak to a GP and when you can wait and see. At the moment you are at one end of the HA spectrum (reacting to absolutely everything), at the other end is to ignore absolutely everything. For obvious reasons, the latter is much worse than the former. You want to be somewhere in the middle of the two.
Then it will help you deal with that situation because part of learning how to control health anxiety is to enable you think rationally (and practice acceptance) all of the time.
Magical (and crap) thinking.
Again, if you do the work properly, you will reach the stage where you are able to rationalise any situation and to know when you need to speak to a GP and when you can wait and see. At the moment you are at one end of the HA spectrum (reacting to absolutely everything), at the other end is to ignore absolutely everything. For obvious reasons, the latter is much worse than the former. You want to be somewhere in the middle of the two.
Yes that’s it, I just panic I don’t think of a wait and see approach ever. It’s just the need to get something immediately sorted, that’s why A&E is better because you can get immediate results. And it’s crossed my mind to go there with this arm a few times but I’ve tried to push it away.
It also amazes me when I tell someone what I’m dealing with and they either shrug or say we’ll just see how it goes. For instance my mum doesn’t worry about anything health related and won’t see a doctor unless she’s half dead, but I don’t understand this mind set. I feel like I’m constantly battling to survive every second
Yes that’s it, I just panic I don’t think of a wait and see approach ever. It’s just the need to get something immediately sorted, that’s why A&E is better because you can get immediate results. And it’s crossed my mind to go there with this arm a few times but I’ve tried to push it away.
No. It's NOT better at all!
It's queue jumping. You do not need to be there. It's adding to the problem of why the NHS is failing as a service!
This is your problem, Chloe. (Or one of) Why do the work and help yourself when you can rock up to Accident and Emergency to be told you're absolutely fine? That's the easy option!
For instance my mum doesn’t worry about anything health related and won’t see a doctor unless she’s half dead, but I don’t understand this mind set.
So, she ignores her symptoms? (As is the other end to this spectrum of health anxiety)
I feel like I’m constantly battling to survive every second
So, do the work!
Chloe, sorry to be brutal but you're being a brat again, pushing every button you can find to get attention. It doesn’t reflect well on you.
It's an awful thing for me to have to say and I hate saying it, but you really need to develop some self-awareness.
WorryRaptor
21-08-22, 10:33
I am going to go back over the posts and highlight the last month, my laptop is super slow so I mainly come on here using my phone which means it’s harder to navigate around. But I’ll fire it up and do the last month
Honestly,you've spent the time after that replying at length about your symptoms, despite many people asking you not to.
Still no list, just excuses as to why you can't do X. It's starting to feel like it's never going to happen.
You do realise that people are going to feel used right? It's not like people here are just writing a quick reply and going about their day. There are people here who have taken huge chunks of time out of their day to help you, like Nora for example. All they're getting in return is more of the stuff they have asked you not to do.
The sheer amount of empathy, help, and active interest in what you're going through is staggering and honestly, should motivate you into getting better. But instead, it feels like it's just become a vending machine for reassurance.
Even if you can't bring yourself to be proactive about your anxiety, at least respect peoples time enough to try and avoid symptom dumping. Go one better and actually follow through on what you said you would do to help yourself.
There are some far more astute people above, who use the right words LOL but, heres my daily input.....
Could anyone advise on what this weird arm feeling could be? I just have no idea why it feels so horrible
You are validating something far too much by even bothering to think about it. Its nothing relevant, it will go, just like before. Holding your arm differently, constantly focusing on it, stressing your muscles with B***ing anxiety constantly will be the cause, thats it. You are no doubt testing it, thinking about it, fatiguing it and generally now that its your latest obsession........making something out of a normal part of being a human being.
Don't bring up your arm again here, its not the problem. These are perceived issues, not true problems - evidenced by the fact you are off shopping and searching/typing on here. As has been stated many times, you are wasting your time going round and round in circles and never getting to doing the WORK you need to do. As for the situation 'but what IF something serious comes up', then yeah, you are in a very bad place to deal with that right now, probably the worst, and so all the more reason to get yourself going with the skills you need to get through 'something bad'. I've gone through 'something bad' and fortunately it was 2 decades after I dealt with HA, and what I learnt in those years served me very well.
You have had an incredible amount of input, and as yet I see no evidence that you are willing to take even the most basic of steps (stop asking for reassurance and stop symptom dumping).
If this were the last day of your life (its not lol) ? How would you like to spend it ?
Just to add that if you really find that writing your symptoms down helps (and it's not that you're seeking reassurance) there's any number of free journalling apps and software available.
I won’t ask you for reassurance but I’m still going to type out what I am experiencing right now, I can’t sit with it inside my head
Doing it on a public forum IS seeking reassurance despite saying it wasn't. Two pages of replies later proves that and still, nothing but symptom dumping and reassurance seeking. Not one line from the thread or anything posted that show you're even willing to try.
FMP
3:30PM EST US.... Still feeding the dragon...:lac:
5629
To quote a very wise woman....
We are going round in circles here and you are not helping yourself.
Get off the internet, go and enjoy life and stop worrying over nothing.
FMP
WorryRaptor
22-08-22, 11:18
I guess the river of reassurance has run dry here, so there are other sources to tap :shrug:
I’m not doing well.
My arm feels so heavy and weak, I cleaned the table and any vigorous movement makes it feel so heavy. I’m petrified. I can’t focus on what I’m doing. I can barely function. I’m hanging by a thread again. I’m sure this will be met with a torrent or outrage and disappointment but you’re not seeing everything I’m doing day to day with the kids and trying to be happy normal mummy is exhausting. I am so scared this could be neurological. I’m calling my doctor tomorrow morning and hope he’s in and has a free appointment.
I’m having such an awful panic attack. I’m so scared I’m losing function in my arm. Why does it feel like this 😢 it can’t be okay, it doesn’t feel normal
What are you expecting anyone to say at this point ? ( this is now page 131 and thats only this thread, let alone all the others over the years.)
Its is of no surprise to me that you are continuing down the same route as you always do. It was expected.
What are you expecting anyone to say at this point ? ( this is now page 131 and thats only this thread, let alone all the others over the years.)
Its is of no surprise to me that you are continuing down the same route as you always do. It was expected.
I don’t know Cary’s, I just can’t take anymore. It’s constant and one symptom after another. I need someone to help me with some logic about my arm. I can still use it, I just lifted an kettle full of water to check it wasn’t failing and I could do. But it feels so odd and alien
I just can’t take anymore.
Then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
You need YOU to help you with logic about your arm. You've been told how to do it, soooooo many times - infact I provided a personal example of a chest pain I had on this thread a few days ago.
It’s constant and one symptom after another.
Of course it is, as was expected as you aren't doing any of the work to put it right. You aren't going to get a break from it magically Chlobo, as you haven't done the one thing you were told not to do - focus on the 'symptoms'. You haven't taken the time to even pull out all of the advice/positive points from this thread. You are choosing this. The arm issue will pass, then it'll be something else, I've lost count of how many major physical issues you've had in the last 12 months.
This feels very brick-wallish at the moment. We are not helping you with your arm. Period.
NB - They aren't SYMPTOMS by the way, you've been told this a few times before as well, they are sensations and feelings - symptoms are evidence of disease and illness.
It's Carys, no apostrophe.
Reassurance is exactly what you don't need.
It's Carys, no apostrophe.
Ta Blue - I didn't like to add that earlier, but it was very out of place making me possessive of something I couldn't see :)
Reassurance isn't coming Chlobo. So, you will no doubt do the next thing you shouldn't be doing - going to the GP and asking them instead. If there was a long list of things called 'How to make sure you keep your HA firing away madly' you'd be ticking all the boxes daily and hourly.
The thing is saying that you have a panic attack etc etc etc won't work to make people reply to you in the way you desire so it's pointless. It's very predictable and you may snare newcomers to this thread but these tactics won't work with anyone who is above emotional manipulation.
I’m not doing well.
My arm feels so heavy and weak, I cleaned the table and any vigorous movement makes it feel so heavy. I’m petrified. I can’t focus on what I’m doing. I can barely function. I’m hanging by a thread again. I’m sure this will be met with a torrent or outrage and disappointment but you’re not seeing everything I’m doing day to day with the kids and trying to be happy normal mummy is exhausting.
I find this all very confusing, Chloe. In one sentence you claim that you can't 'focus' and that you can 'barely function' yet you're on here (again) writing coherent posts and doing things with the kids and being a 'normal mummy'? :huh:
I think our ideas of 'barely functioning' differ greatly...
And, nobody is 'outraged', Chloe. Why would we be? :unsure: Disappointed? Absolutely! People put a lot of time and effort into helping you. There are far more important things to feel 'outraged' about than you and your constant refusal to help yourself...
I am functioning on robot mode, desperately trying to push through panic attacks.
I don’t think I’m emotionally manipulating anyone, I’m just desperate and in a hole.
I am doing everything I should be, even my doctor said he doesn’t think I should do CBT until my meds have been stabilised because my mental state is too bad for it to be effective, I’m only on 5mg at the moment.
My phone auto corrects to Cary’s with an apostrophe, not that that’s relevant in anything. I went out and took my son on his bike and tired to push through it, no one seems to be recognising what I am doing to try and help myself, just the negative. I can’t be perfect instantly and I can’t just turn the health anxiety off. Most of you seem to have husbands or partners who you can confide in, someone that helps you feel safe. I have no one to confide in, I’m a single mum with no partner, yes I have friends but I try not to barrage them with this too much, as they don’t understand.
And watching someone go through having a brain tumour is enough I think to mentally scar anyone and for them to be fearful. I am trying, I’m engaging with my mental health team as much as I can but some days I don’t always fight this battle very well, and I just feel like there’s no understanding of that!
I appreciate everyone talking to me I do, but calling me a brat and saying I’m attention seeking isn’t helping. I’m not a selfish person, health anxiety can make me selfish but that’s not who I am.
And watching someone go through having a brain tumour is enough I think to mentally scar anyone and for them to be fearful.
No, its not, this another excuse and justification. Especially when the person was treated and is doing just fine and it was a long time ago. Everyone has seen people in their families go through horrifying and awful illnesses. Other people aren't different to you, there will be people reading here who have gone through incredible trauma in various ways and have taken proactive steps to not let it affect their mental health forever more. You also don't know how people are living their lives, what is happening to them on a daily basis, yet they still turn up here to try and help you.
Its just excuses all the time Chlobo - no partner, single parent, nobody understands etc. Nobody is expecting anyone to 'turn off HA', infact we've all stated its a long and painful process, which takes effort and years to work on.... but a small inkling of following any recommended advice, just a flash of trying something we suggest would be the least you could do. You keep doing and repeating all the things you are advised not to do, as I said earlier if there was a list of 'everything you should do to keep HA going' you'd be ticking all those boxes.
You never document anything on here that is a positive step based on the years of given advice, from either members or the other CBT sessions you've done over the years. You may be 'trying something' but clearly its not the right things you are trying. So, tell us, if we aren't seeing it - what are the positive things you are doing to win this battle ? Tell us, if we don't understand (as we have no evidence of what you are doing).......please.
I'll leave others to continue after this, as I will admit my patience is running thin for the moment.
As Carys says I don't think you should assume that everyone replying on here has been immune from traumatic events in their lives. It's quite insulting to write us all off as "lucky to have support in real life" as it is assuming that you're the only one who has to battle on through each day tormented and tortured (your words) by various feelings and sensations.
It's all about you again and very disrespectful to us when you haven't been able to get your own way re sympathy and engagement.
How did I even remotely assume that people here haven’t had a traumatic event in their life? I didn’t say that at all. All of us probably have, that’s usually where anxiety stems from. I just said some of you have partners/husbands to confide in. Which I don’t have, so I come on here and during bad periods I end up posting quite a lot.
Trust me, even the kindest life partner won't provide constant reassurance, nor should they have to.
WorryRaptor
22-08-22, 20:38
And watching someone go through having a brain tumour is enough I think to mentally scar anyone and for them to be fearful. I'm sure it is, but it's not an excuse to stay stagnant. We are all well aware of what past trauma can do to people with anxiety. A family member of mine died from craniocervical instability. She started having multiple strokes, neurological issues, and finally dementia, before her chest muscles stopped working to help her breathe. It was awful. And I have the exact same instability in my own neck. The exact same vertebrae as hers. You'd think I'd be beside myself with terror every day that the same fate lay ahead of me, but I'm not. I've accepted and moved on, with the occasional flare of uncertainty. My point is, all the trauma in the world can't be an excuse not to take steps towards getting better. Telling us about all the things you've been through isn't going to make us decide that you're the exception to the rule.
I’m engaging with my mental health team as much as I can but some days I don’t always fight this battle very well, and I just feel like there’s no understanding of that! Then make that your daily post instead of listing your symptoms. Nobody is going to understand if you don't tell them. Why don't you use the time to tell us how your sessions went? What solutions you're going to explore? Any kind of proactive step you took?
I don’t think I’m emotionally manipulating anyone, I’m just desperate and in a hole. Which causes people to engage in emotionally manipulative behaviour. It may not be intentional, but it feels like it to many of us.
I can’t be perfect instantly Not one person expects that at all. We just want to see you do something to help yourself.
Most of you seem to have husbands or partners who you can confide in, someone that helps you feel safe. That's completely irrelevant to you helping yourself though. I'd wager many people here with partners do their utmost not to burden their loved ones with their problems. It's not like having a significant other makes your own inner battle easier. In fact, it's probably more difficult because you're constantly worrying about them putting their own needs aside to help you. I stay awake at night terrified that my significant other is taking too much on because I'm having a bad OCD week. I actively have to reign back my verbal onslaughts of "what ifs" that I know exhaust him. He doesn't exist to make me feel safe.
I don’t think I’m emotionally manipulating anyone, I’m just desperate and in a hole.
You may well be desperate and in a hole, but that doesn't change (or excuse) the fact that you are emotionally manipulating people.
I am doing everything I should be, even my doctor said he doesn’t think I should do CBT until my meds have been stabilised because my mental state is too bad for it to be effective, I’m only on 5mg at the moment.
So that's your excuse for searching for 'brain tumour symptoms' on here the other day?
Most of you seem to have husbands or partners who you can confide in, someone that helps you feel safe.
More emotional manipulation.
Let me tell you about Mr Batty. Dude wouldn't know anxiety if it b1tch slapped him in the face, let alone health anxiety. Far from making me feel 'safe' when HA was kicking my @rse, he was frustrated with me and made me cry. Trying to talk to him about what was happening to me ended up in arguments, shouty ones. He was there for me practically speaking but emotionally he wasn't in the same street, let alone the same building! (So, you presume wrong)
I have no one to confide in
You are confiding in us (and have been for 132 pages)
I’m a single mum with no partner, yes I have friends but I try not to barrage them with this too much, as they don’t understand.
We understand, Chloe. That's why we make time to help you. (Help which you constantly choose to ignore)
You done that work yet?
And watching someone go through having a brain tumour is enough I think to mentally scar anyone and for them to be fearful.
I saw my mum and dad go through cancer. My friend too. I went to see her the day before she died in a hospice. I'm not fearful anymore because I've done the work!
I am trying, I’m engaging with my mental health team as much as I can but some days I don’t always fight this battle very well, and I just feel like there’s no understanding of that!
I appreciate everyone talking to me I do, but calling me a brat and saying I’m attention seeking isn’t helping. I’m not a selfish person, health anxiety can make me selfish but that’s not who I am.
Chloe, with respect, we can only go by what you write on here, your own words. And I don't see someone who is 'fighting' to get better. I see excuse after excuse as to why you can't do the work. I see emotional manipulation intended to make us back down and give you the attention that you want. I agree with you in that HA makes us self-centred, for sure. It's the nature of this beast, but the fact remains that you are doing nothing to help yourself get back to who you 'really' are.
We're here. We are always here. We've never left you. How about some genuine appreciation for the time and effort people are still willing to put in with you?
Your brother's health issues may well be the reason you ended up in this state with HA but don't use your him (or anybody) as an excuse for you not doing the work to help yourself.
This pissed-offness you feel right now? Use that to help yourself. Prove us wrong.
Let me tell you about Mr Batty. Dude wouldn't know anxiety if it b1tch slapped him in the face, let alone health anxiety. Far from making me feel 'safe' when HA was kicking my @rse, he was frustrated with me and made me cry. Trying to talk to him about what was happening to me ended up in arguments, shouty ones. He was there for me practically speaking but emotionally he wasn't in the same street, let alone the same building! (So, you presume wrong)
BIG snap !!! (in all elements mentioned above)
Same here! Mr Iris is wonderful, but we had some balls-to-the-wall arguments over my HA that left me feeling absolutely dreadful.
Getting up and getting myself showered and putting my face on, that’s something I really struggle with when my health anxiety is bad but I’m forcing myself to do it. And actually Nora your previous comment of when we spoke about getting up and making yourself get ready no matter how you feel, that stuck with me a lot and encouraged me to start redoing my make up and hair
Taking my kids out, I struggle with this too because I’m too fearful of symptoms to leave the house or deal with the anxiety. But I’ve been going out and making myself do these things.
Eating and drinking, I don’t eat and drink when I feel anxious but I’ve been making myself do that too as much as I can
Keeping on top of medication, I sometimes don’t bother with my meds when I feel awful but I’m making myself take them everyday
Today I went to a group with the kids with play things and songs, on the way home I remembered I needed to pick up my meds and also get some toothpaste. My brain said nah go home, you can’t deal with that right now. I said no and turned back and got the bits I needed.
I’m home now and need some time to get myself together. I signed a paper at the chemist for my tablets and my arm felt horrible. I had to hold a flat tent with a large ball that was rolling in it with the other parents and lift the tent up and down to make the ball jump into the air and it made my arm feel horrible. I’m finding it really difficult to manage this sensation or feeling, whatever it is. My mind keeps running off on a tangent imaging all the awful things it could be, picturing myself at A&E having a brain scan. Horrible scary thoughts that I’m trying to turn off.
Positive progress followed by the habitual symptom dump.
OK, I shouldn't be here replying, I said I wasn't going to........but.......
Chlobo, nobody doubts how hard things are, nobody underestimates the awfulness of having to push yourself through fear and panic, its horrible and tough and you are 'fighting' the panic constantly and just about scraping through each day in whorlwind of adrenaline. I'm glad you are getting out and about and taking better care of yourself though.
BUT - to my mind, these are still not the right things you are doing. Where is the reassurance ? Where is the background work on a list to carry with you ? Where is the evidence that you are truly trying CBT techniques ? Where is the realisation that you have control over this ? Where are any of the points on this thread put into practice ? (Apart from putting makeup on , which is a distraction and self care activity). I still think you are missing the point here, and I don't know how to get it across any clearer than has been done. You are struggling through the day, fighting (people with anxiety aren't weak and lacking courage, as they put up with a difficult daily life all the time and carry on) , but because the background work hasn't yet been started you are still in the phase of struggling and trying to 'get through' with a belief that there is actually something physically wrong with you that you aren't challenging. That is evidenced by the fact that you returned straight to your arm, A and E and scans at the end of the post. I should think thoughts of your arm didn't leave you at all during your trips out.
Claire Weekes talks in detail about floating through the panic, not seeing it as important and aiming on losing the fear of it.....I still think you are feeling the fear and trying to get through it.
Maybe Nora can help here, she's better with explanations. :)
WorryRaptor
23-08-22, 14:44
It's good that you're trying to get on with your day despite the anxiety telling you not to. It would have been great if you had left off your post at the fifth paragraph, but you felt the need to add your symptoms again.
I think what people here want to see are proactive steps towards addressing the anxiety face on. Like that list of advice for example, or telling us what your mental health workers have told you to work on, and how you're doing that.
You need to get to a point where you've recognised the anxiety as the problem to solve, and not something to use as an explanation for why you won't try.
Nora your previous comment of when we spoke about getting up and making yourself get ready no matter how you feel, that stuck with me a lot and encouraged me to start redoing my make up and hair
Good work! (I at least draw on some eyebrows when I take the bins out)
Taking my kids out, I struggle with this too because I’m too fearful of symptoms to leave the house or deal with the anxiety. But I’ve been going out and making myself do these things.
You'll get symptoms whether you're in the house or not. (Chances are you'll feel worse at home because you're less distracted by life and have more time to Google)
You have to learn to feel safe wherever you are, Chloe.
I sometimes don’t bother with my meds when I feel awful
Why? That's like me having one of my migraines and saying, 'I'll swerve the medication thanks. Gimme the pain!'. :huh:
Today I went to a group with the kids with play things and songs, on the way home I remembered I needed to pick up my meds and also get some toothpaste. My brain said nah go home, you can’t deal with that right now. I said no and turned back and got the bits I needed.
Good work!
I’m home now and need some time to get myself together. I signed a paper at the chemist for my tablets and my arm felt horrible. I had to hold a flat tent with a large ball that was rolling in it with the other parents and lift the tent up and down to make the ball jump into the air and it made my arm feel horrible. I’m finding it really difficult to manage this sensation or feeling, whatever it is. My mind keeps running off on a tangent imaging all the awful things it could be, picturing myself at A&E having a brain scan. Horrible scary thoughts that I’m trying to turn off.
Wow. Positivity obliteration. :unsure:
I'm picturing an overworked A&E doctor telling you that your brain is perfectly fine, and asking if you're receiving any help for your anxiety issues? :shrug:
OK, I shouldn't be here replying, I said I wasn't going to........but.......
Chlobo, nobody doubts how hard things are, nobody underestimates the awfulness of having to push yourself through fear and panic, its horrible and tough and you are 'fighting' the panic constantly and just about scraping through each day in whorlwind of adrenaline. I'm glad you are getting out and about and taking better care of yourself though.
BUT - to my mind, these are still not the right things you are doing. Where is the reassurance ? Where is the background work on a list to carry with you ? Where is the evidence that you are truly trying CBT techniques ? Where is the realisation that you have control over this ? Where are any of the points on this thread put into practice ? (Apart from putting makeup on , which is a distraction and self care activity). I still think you are missing the point here, and I don't know how to get it across any clearer than has been done. You are struggling through the day, fighting (people with anxiety aren't weak and lacking courage, as they put up with a difficult daily life all the time and carry on) , but because the background work hasn't yet been started you are still in the phase of struggling and trying to 'get through' with a belief that there is actually something physically wrong with you that you aren't challenging. That is evidenced by the fact that you returned straight to your arm, A and E and scans at the end of the post. I should think thoughts of your arm didn't leave you at all during your trips out.
Claire Weekes talks in detail about floating through the panic, not seeing it as important and aiming on losing the fear of it.....I still think you are feeling the fear and trying to get through it.
Maybe Nora can help here, she's better with explanations. :)
I understand what you’re saying carys.
And yes floating through the panic and not seeing it as important, that’s a good way to treat it. I am feeling the fear, big time. And it overwhelms me. I didn’t stop focusing on my arm the entire time I was out no. But it does feel really weird, so it’s hard not to have my attention on it. And it’s been over a week now and still hasn’t improved. I’ve been searching the forums for anyone that’s had a similar issue.
I haven’t actually read through a CBT module in ages, I can’t even remember the points it makes to cope and deal with sensations and symptoms. I know you’ve all said it here, to feel it and ‘ignore’ but as soon as I feel it I get that huge wash of panic.
It's good that you're trying to get on with your day despite the anxiety telling you not to. It would have been great if you had left off your post at the fifth paragraph, but you felt the need to add your symptoms again.
I think what people here want to see are proactive steps towards addressing the anxiety face on. Like that list of advice for example, or telling us what your mental health workers have told you to work on, and how you're doing that.
You need to get to a point where you've recognised the anxiety as the problem to solve, and not something to use as an explanation for why you won't try.
My mental health worker is focusing on self soothing techniques, she is wanting me to do square breathing and also something called envisioning a safe space. But we haven’t worked on that yet. She also got me to write a list of my daily safe behaviours, so checking. And it was over a page long. She is getting me to gradually try and stop those checks, very gradually. But that’s gone out the window with my arm at the moment. Those things have been directed by the psychiatrist who I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. It’s just hard to sit and do square breathing and taking myself to a safe place when I have four children shouting mummy at me, by the time they’re in bed I’m so tired I end up just falling asleep. I’ve got an appointment with my other doctor today. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. The psychologist speaks to me about my medication. I took my first 10mg escitalopram yesterday as he wants me to now up my dose to a therapeutic level. I don’t feel exactly therapeutic but we’ll see I guess
Okay, I had a full-on panic attack last night for the first time in ages, real floor falling out of my world type stuff. Still mildly nervy now but coping. After a bit of falling down the Google hole, I reminded myself that it was only anxiety and that I wasn't dying and neither was anybody close to me. I was stern with myself, closed the browser window and found myself something mildly interesting to listen to. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
It's easy to fall into self-destructive narratives, but these can be changed.
Good work! (I at least draw on some eyebrows when I take the bins out)
You'll get symptoms whether you're in the house or not. (Chances are you'll feel worse at home because you're less distracted by life and have more time to Google)
You have to learn to feel safe wherever you are, Chloe.
Why? That's like me having one of my migraines and saying, 'I'll swerve the medication thanks. Gimme the pain!'. :huh:
Good work!
Wow. Positivity obliteration. :unsure:
I'm picturing an overworked A&E doctor telling you that your brain is perfectly fine, and asking if you're receiving any help for your anxiety issues? :shrug:
Sometimes I sit and think of all the neurological symptoms I have had over the years and to be fair there are a lot. So who knows if my brain is okay, it’s never been looked at properly.
I do feel like how you said with your ex partner that if I had a scan it and it was clear it might put it to bed but I know that a year later I’d be worried again because the time stamp would have run out on the scan.
I do worry a little about MS but that doesn’t scare me that much, it’s the other untreatable stuff that scares me. My old friends sister had a recent diagnosis of MS and her first symptom was blindness, she actually woke up blind. So that’s horrific so that was a very clear symptom of something wrong. Nora did you say you’d had a brain scan before? Did you ever suffer with any neurological symptoms?
See I’m bad, I actually google while I’m out too, or I come in here. That’s the curse of having a phone that can access internet outside
Also how can envisioning a beach or a safe space when you’re convinced you’re dying remotely help? I don’t want to sound defeatist but the logic in that to me doesn’t work.
Also I have noticed this pattern, and my friend has mentioned it too. That my anxiety goes bat sh!t crazy when I’m due on my period. It’s every month the week before it comes I feel so so bad.
Okay, I had a full-on panic attack last night for the first time in ages, real floor falling out of my world type stuff. Still mildly nervy now but coping. After a bit of falling down the Google hole, I reminded myself that it was only anxiety and that I wasn't dying and neither was anybody close to me. I was stern with myself, closed the browser window and found myself something mildly interesting to listen to. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
It's easy to fall into self-destructive narratives, but these can be changed.
That’s really powerful blue, I know how hard that must have been. It’s so hard to pull yourself out of that hole of panic
That’s really powerful blue, I know how hard that must have been. It’s so hard to pull yourself out of that hole of panic
I think you focus to much on the "hard" concept. Blue dealt with her panic quickly and efficiently because she understands how to manage and not obsess about it.
I also think that you're put off by all the talk about "hard work" re therapy. It doesn't have to be. It's about acceptance and being open to advice. There's nothing forceful or exhausting about it.
Right, Pulisa. It's just a question of nudging myself away from unhelpful behaviours - repeatedly, if necessary.
Right, Pulisa. It's just a question of nudging myself away from unhelpful behaviours - repeatedly, if necessary.
Absolutely. It doesn't have to be complicated.
WorryRaptor
24-08-22, 14:24
She also got me to write a list of my daily safe behaviours, so checking. And it was over a page long. Sounds like a good start. If you feel like sharing them here, it might help with accountability. You could list them here and at the end of the day, note the checks and compulsive behaviours you avoided :)
I do feel like how you said with your ex partner that if I had a scan it and it was clear it might put it to bed but I know that a year later I’d be worried again because the time stamp would have run out on the scan.
And this will be the case (with every imaginary disease, not just this one) until you do the work and learn to challenge your thoughts. (My ex chose to do the work)
Nora did you say you’d had a brain scan before? Did you ever suffer with any neurological symptoms?
Yes to both questions. However, neurological symptoms are rarely caused by the type of issues you're scaring yourself with, Chloe. (And right at the top of the list of causes is anxiety)
Actually, it appears that I do have a problem with my brain, Chloe. But it's not one which shows up on standard MRI scan. Fibromyalgia is thought to be a problem in the part of the brain which deals with pain and temperature regulation etc - affecting the entire nervous system. I've experienced a lot of weird, painful, and unsettling symptoms over the last 10 years - right from the tip of my big toe to the top of my scalp. I was tested for MS because there are so many similarities with the two, but my scans (brain and spine) were clear aside one 'incidental finding' which HA could absolutely have gone to town with had I have still been down that delightful hole at the time. I had to have a re-scan six months later (ended up being 12) but the wheels never came off because the power of doing the work is that we're better able to deal with issues that crop up, you get me? Can you imagine how you would be coping with this now if this was you? (I know the answer because freaking out and losing my shit over every single anomaly or symptom was me before I did the work to control the HA)
My point is that we can have some very 'scary' symptoms, but this doesn't mean we have a life-threatening disease. (It's your irrational thinking that's taking you there)
I actually google while I’m out too, or I come in here. That’s the curse of having a phone that can access internet outside
You can do something about this. You can change your smart phone to one that's simply a phone, like the old days. That way, you eliminate this particular problem.
You don't have to be connected to the internet 24/7. I'm not and have no intention of ever being. It's not a "curse". You can just choose not to have a smartphone. It's not compulsory even though it's addictive..Like posting on social media to avoid FOMO.
Save yourself some money and get a pay as you go basic mobile phone. Help yourself rather than expecting others to help you which will never happen.
You are so lucky to be able to access an efficient CMHT. There's an 8 week waiting list to see a private psychiatrist in my area. MH is Big Business.
Make the most of the opportunity you have.
WorryRaptor
25-08-22, 11:46
You are so lucky to be able to access an efficient CMHT. There's an 8 week waiting list to see a private psychiatrist in my area. MH is Big Business.
Make the most of the opportunity you have.
Big agree here.
I am yes, it was after the cutting incident with the numb bum thing that I think they really started listening to me. Today has been hard.
You can just choose not to have a smartphone.
Or you can set yourself rigid rules about having set periods where you turn off the Mobile data when you are out and about. People can still call you, and you can still call them if there was any need - but you can't then keep accessing things whilst doing other important things like taking the children somewhere.
Or you can set yourself rigid rules about having set periods where you turn off the Mobile data when you are out and about. People can still call you, and you can still call them if there was any need - but you can't then keep accessing things whilst doing other important things like taking the children somewhere.
With respect, I don't think Chloe has the self-control required to do that; not yet anyway. A few clicks and she's back on Google. The best thing is to eliminate the option altogether and the only way is to switch to a call/text only phone.
With extra and genuine respect, I don't think she has the self control to change her phone to an old school (like us oldies used to have thing) either :roflmao:Phones are computers for people nowadays and everything is done on them, and I can't imagine anybody choosing to relinquish their smart phone as it could cause all sorts of problems - it certainly would for me as my banking, ordering and everything is done on it. It is required for security and accessing all sorts of things. I guess she could have a second 'cheap as chips pay as you go to take whilst out' type thing or something.
Recently I started putting my phone on flight mode for periods in the day - so that I it was a reminder to keep my head clear of the constant reading news, checking, messaging blah blah......it is nice to know there will be no notifications, no sound and even no calls. :)
I remember back when I had my son, pre-mobile phones, we thought we were so high tech because we got a pager so I could let my husband know when I went into labour.
Great suggestions as always but let's be real. We're talking about someone who can't even manage to review the thread and post something positive without symptom dumping so :shrug:
FMP
With extra and genuine respect, I don't think she has the self control to change her phone to an old school (like us oldies used to have thing) either :roflmao:Phones are computers for people nowadays and everything is done on them, and I can't imagine anybody choosing to relinquish their smart phone as it could cause all sorts of problems - it certainly would for me as my banking, ordering and everything is done on it. It is required for security and accessing all sorts of things. I guess she could have a second 'cheap as chips pay as you go to take whilst out' type thing or something.
Recently I started putting my phone on flight mode for periods in the day - so that I it was a reminder to keep my head clear of the constant reading news, checking, messaging blah blah......it is nice to know there will be no notifications, no sound and even no calls. :)
I've never had any inclination to have access to all that stuff 24/7. My old school "brick" serves me well!:) What if the smartphone gets lost or damaged? What do people do? How do they survive?
You make sure everything is backed up on 'the cloud' in advance and then you cry and panic......then you start searching.......
WorryRaptor
26-08-22, 14:08
You make sure everything is backed up on 'the cloud' in advance and then you cry and panic......then you start searching.......
Story of my life :roflmao:
I'm chronically attached to my phone. I have an excuse that I own a business, so I need to respond to customers. If I'm being honest, I could totally leave it aside of a few hours, but I'd start getting itchy..
They are highly addictive, aren't they? I'm much better off without one. I'll hold out for as long as I can!:D
Yes, they are addictive if you don't make rules for yourself, more than that it greatly worries me that the younger generations are going to suffer psychologically from being 24/7 accessible and able to access things constantly. There is no mental break, no space. I'm sure there are plenty of psychological studies into the effects that constant 'connection' is going have on people. It sounds like WorryR is like me, can remember the days when they didn't exist and can leave it aside for a while, but also like me starts to think 'Ohh have I missed something, what if X has contacted me......'
That's FOMO, Carys..Good and proper FOMO!:D
With extra and genuine respect, I don't think she has the self control to change her phone to an old school (like us oldies used to have thing) either :roflmao:Phones are computers for people nowadays and everything is done on them, and I can't imagine anybody choosing to relinquish their smart phone as it could cause all sorts of problems - it certainly would for me as my banking, ordering and everything is done on it. It is required for security and accessing all sorts of things. I guess she could have a second 'cheap as chips pay as you go to take whilst out' type thing or something.
Yes, because that would at least eliminate her being able to Google while she's out. (And every bit helps)
Recently I started putting my phone on flight mode for periods in the day - so that I it was a reminder to keep my head clear of the constant reading news, checking, messaging blah blah......it is nice to know there will be no notifications, no sound and even no calls. :)
The buggers are addictive. I HATE being controlled by my phone, so I try to choose not to be as much as is practical. (I leave it upstairs or out of hands reach to avoid that automatic checking shite)
Hard to imagine how we got by without the 24/7 intrusion, eh? I'm old enough to remember life before the internet and mobile phones. In 'ma day' a phone was a big clunky thing in the hall or on the wall (sometimes with a lock on lol, but generally on some kind of parental timer) or a phone box which invariably stunk of wee and nicotine. The news was at specific times in the day on tv and on the radio and we got the local paper every teatime, and a bit late on a Sunday if the paperboy was being slowed down by his sister. :whistles:
Simpler times...
That said, Alexa does a good job of reminding me when I need to order some more bog roll. :yesyes:
Don't you think that these smartphones will encourage loss of cognitive skills in future generations though? What about relying on memory/finding things out for yourself/critical thinking? Using our brains..I don't want to be controlled by a phone!:D
I think that humanity will adapt, as it always has, and we'll develop the skills we need for our changing world.
I use my phone a lot for my emails too. Which at the moment with court proceedings it’s important I’m able to access them.
I like being able to take nice photos when I’m out with my kids too, I won’t get rid of the phone, I’d just need more self control which at the moment nora is right, I don’t have that.
I went to the Zoo yesterday with the kids and it was nice, I had my moments of sheer terror but I got through them and didn’t voice them. Dealt with it internally. I didn’t actually notice my arm much yesterday at all. I was busy looking at the animals and enjoying them.
I didn’t have my phone or tablet when I went into care and honestly can say I didn’t miss them at all if my family needed to contact me they did it through the receptionist.
No one needs permanent access to the internet or to emails. How did we cope before the internet and before emails? Everything needs to be instant today.
I think it depends, Pulisa, to be honest. I really like being able to track coaches in real time when I'm travelling, or look up interesting ingredients before I decide to buy them.
Oh I know I sound like a miserable old dinosaur and yes, there are certainly some wonderful advantages of having all this info at your fingertips..
I'll shut up now about this because it just shows up my age! Sorry...I know I'm part of the Dark Ages:D but it's so noticeable when I'm out seeing all these people glued to their phones/tablets.
Not what I meant, promise. I think it just depends on the life you lead.
Yes it does and I'm fortunate in that I don't need 24/7 access.
I went to the Zoo yesterday with the kids and it was nice, I had my moments of sheer terror but I got through them and didn’t voice them. Dealt with it internally. I didn’t actually notice my arm much yesterday at all. I was busy looking at the animals and enjoying them.
Chloe, I don't think you're helping yourself with the dramatic dialogue mate. "Sheer terror" is an extreme emotion on the same level as 'horror' and you wouldn't have been able to consider your day as 'nice' had you experienced true terror.
In using these dramatic words, you are teaching your brain to fear the stress response instead of understanding it for what it is and the vital role that it plays in protecting us and keeping us safe.
It's better (for your brain) to acknowledge that you experienced moments of higher anxiety yesterday but that you coped with this. You didn't have to leave. Your day (and your kid's day) was not ruined. You used two positive words: nice and enjoying. This kind of positivity is what you need to put your energy into, not bigging up your anxiety into something much bigger than it actually was..
Chloe, I don't think you're helping yourself with the dramatic dialogue mate. "Sheer terror" is an extreme emotion on the same level as 'horror' and you wouldn't have been able to consider your day as 'nice' had you experienced true terror.
In using these dramatic words, you are teaching your brain to fear the stress response instead of understanding it for what it is and the vital role that it plays in protecting us and keeping us safe.
It's better (for your brain) to acknowledge that you experienced moments of higher anxiety yesterday but that you coped with this. You didn't have to leave. Your day (and your kid's day) was not ruined. You used two positive words: nice and enjoying. This kind of positivity is what you need to put your energy into, not bigging up your anxiety into something much bigger than it actually was..
That’s a good point Nora, I never actually thought of it that way?
I’m a week I think into the increase of Escitalopram and so far so good.
I had a good day today with the children, I went and got my sons hair cut and had my friends little girl for the day. It was busy which was great, keeps my mind so occupied I can’t think :)
Well done Chloe, good days are always welcome.
I’m a week I think into the increase of Escitalopram and so far so good.
I had a good day today with the children, I went and got my sons hair cut and had my friends little girl for the day. It was busy which was great, keeps my mind so occupied I can’t think :)
This is very positive (which is wonderful), and distraction definitely helps.
However, the way effectively control HA is to let those thoughts come and not react with fear to them. With the best will in the world, you cannot occupy yourself 24/7 and HA will always try and find a way in. I still have the HA thoughts (I always will), but I don't respond to them with fear. I observe them just like I do those intrusive OCD thoughts which flit through my mind on a daily basis. They no longer bother me because I understand them.
You need to be able to challenge these thoughts, recognise them for what they are, triage yourself if necessary, and make a judgement call on whether or not you need to act further. (The answer will generally be no)
Because what will happen is that you will knacker yourself out trying to keep occupied (so you don't have to think) and once you are too tired to do that, HA will take advantage of your exhaustion and those thoughts will seem far worse to you. It's like a dam holding back the water. It will feel like such a massive regression when in fact it isn't a regression at all because you haven't actually learned how to challenge those thoughts...
Learn how to feel safe with your anxiety and to do that you have to effectively challenge your HA thoughts; it won't matter where you are or what you're doing.
Aside this, really well done. It's so good to see more positive posts from you. :shades:
So I’ve had a few days of less anxiety. But this morning I’ve noticed a yellow area on my thumb nail. It’s at the base of the nail, so on the pink area. I’ve started to panic and think my liver isn’t working. My eye colour seems okay.
I haven’t stained it with anything I’ve cooked with and I don’t wear nail polish or false nails. Urgh I’m worried
WorryRaptor
05-09-22, 16:06
So I’ve had a few days of less anxiety. But this morning I’ve noticed a yellow area on my thumb nail. It’s at the base of the nail, so on the pink area. I’ve started to panic and think my liver isn’t working. My eye colour seems okay.
I haven’t stained it with anything I’ve cooked with and I don’t wear nail polish or false nails. Urgh I’m worried
Really try to avoid starting another round of reassurance seeking here.
I’ve noticed a yellow area on my thumb nail. It’s at the base of the nail, so on the pink area. I’ve started to panic and think my liver isn’t working.
Oh come on......work at it Chlobo.......clearly you've gone straight onto google (which you've been told a MILLION times not to do) and found out a lesser known and unusual symptom and ignored the fact you literally have no other symptoms of anything wrong with your liver. This would be a perfect opportunity , seeing as you've moved onto another critical illness it seems since last time you posted, to demonstrate some self-reassurance,and apply some logical thought on this thread. Now is the time to 'catch' yourself before you allow this to become something massive as before.
So, what LIKELY reason could there be for a yellow patch on a nail in an otherwise healthy individual ?
Why do you NOT have anything wrong with your liver ?
Scared-to-human
06-09-22, 01:37
So I’ve had a few days of less anxiety. But this morning I’ve noticed a yellow area on my thumb nail. It’s at the base of the nail, so on the pink area. I’ve started to panic and think my liver isn’t working. My eye colour seems okay.
I haven’t stained it with anything I’ve cooked with and I don’t wear nail polish or false nails. Urgh I’m worried
Thought I’d just jump in and say I have this too on my nail! Totally random and normal ❤️
WorryRaptor
06-09-22, 14:52
This would be a perfect opportunity , seeing as you've moved onto another critical illness it seems since last time you posted, to demonstrate some self-reassurance,and apply some logical thought on this thread. Now is the time to 'catch' yourself before you allow this to become something massive as before.
Carys is right, Chloe. You really have to try to resist the urge to seek reassurance from other people. People new to this thread might feel the need to offer reassurance, but you know yourself that it doesn't help you.
It's fantastic that your anxiety levels were lower recently, and I hope that continues for you.
Urgh I’m worried
Have you done that work yet? (Instead of fixating on an insignificant blemish on a nail, you could be helping yourself)
Stop Googling.
Stop seeking reassurance.
Deal with your anxiety.
Thank you guys, I haven’t been on here. I had my moment about my nail, but I pushed it aside and told myself to stop it and carried on with my day!
Thought I’d just jump in and say I have this too on my nail! Totally random and normal ❤️
Thank you!
Let ol' Nora tell you a story about yellow nails..
My nails suddenly turned yellow. Every single one. I thought, 'This has got to be my liver packing in?' (Or a blinder of a fungal nail infection)
For days I worried about my 'diseased' nails until I opened the cupboard under the sink and saw the bottle of dayglo yellow Flash liquid (which, incidentally, I'd been using at the time my 'liver packed in') :doh:
My exact words were, Nora, you massive dick! (Ok, not the Nora bit cus that's not my name, but the rest is entirely accurate)
Note to self: Use gloves next time, you absolute muppet! :lac:
Haha Nora that’s exactly the sort of thing I would do too! I actually got worried yesterday because I had a blue fingertip! Queue me inspecting all of my fingers for this blue tinge. It turns out I remembered I had been using a blue pen earlier and it had leaked on my finger.
I am trying to not seek reassurance but I’m starting to really worry about my heart, I’m scared to go to the doctor at the moment because of the fear of testing and him giving me bad news. My heart keeps having episodes of racing, it’s uncomfortable in my chest and I’m super aware of it. I looked on the NHS and it says palpitations can feel like this but my heart is not skipping. I checked my oxygen this morning and it’s 99 as I’ve been feeling some sob! I know I shouldn’t of but I was so worried. My heart is a big trigger for me at the moment and I just keep thinking it’s starting to fail, or struggle. Its sat in the 90’s right now and I’m just sitting down. I’m getting really worried about how uncomfortable it feels too, i can’t really describe it. I’m off to a baby group now with my little one and I feel like I’m going to drop dead there
My heart keeps having episodes of racing,
It's meant to beat fast. It's in the design, Chloe.
I checked my oxygen this morning and it’s 99
Perfect.
I’m off to a baby group now with my little one and I feel like I’m going to drop dead there
You won't. Try and enjoy your time with your little one. (You don't get this time back)
It's meant to beat fast. It's in the design, Chloe.
Perfect.
You won't. Try and enjoy your time with your little one. (You don't get this time back)
Is it though? Why does it feel uncomfortable. I don’t like it at all. I’m close to going to A&E if I’m honest. I’m at baby group now trying to curb the panic and focus on my breathing. I have propranolol which helps but I’m afraid it might make my heart too slow and stop.
Chloe, you're being silly again.
1) Your heart is designed to beat fast so you can run away from lions, or whatever your ancestors' local predators were.
3) Why in the name of all that is holy would your doctor prescribe you a drug that would stop your heart? I know you must annoy them, but probably not to the point of actual murder.
Is it though? Why does it feel uncomfortable.
Fight or flight isn't meant to feel comfortable. If it felt nice and comfy, you would stay where you are. (And you'd be killed by the bus, bear, axe murderer, or whoever)
Fight or flight is your brain telling you to shift, move, run, or fight because all of these things will help you to survive.
I don’t like it at all. I’m close to going to A&E if I’m honest. I’m at baby group now trying to curb the panic and focus on my breathing.
So, you're sat in a circle at baby club, on your phone, while all the other parents are engaging with their children? Why bother going, Chloe? :shrug:
I have propranolol which helps but I’m afraid it might make my heart too slow and stop.
Your heart won't stop. Where's your evidence? (There isn't any) You're so used to feeling it race that it feels weird when it doesn't, that's all.
I was put on bisoloprol when my first husband died. I was having episodes of palpitations too. Like you, I was terrified it would slow it so much it would stop ....i put it off for months and suffered with the palpitations. In the end, I went to our school nurse (I'm a teacher), sat with her and took what I had been prescribed. It was absolutely fine.
Thank you for all your comments.
Again I’ve switched to something else.
Blue you might have some insight into this as I know you have had this.
In my living room, in dim light there is a noticeable size difference between my pupils. My left is larger than the right. They both react to light but I’ll be honest I’ve spent all morning checking them. I went to the opticians in January and he said eyes were okay, as you can see by the first post in this thread. I have noticed a larger pupil before on the left eye but I’m sure it’s actually looking larger than normal. It only seems to happen in dimmer light. Can I have some advice? I’m trying not to get upset but it’s bothering me a lot
Heart has been feeling normal for the last two days!
Thank you for all your comments.
Again I’ve switched to something else.
Blue you might have some insight into this as I know you have had this.
In my living room, in dim light there is a noticeable size difference between my pupils. My left is larger than the right. They both react to light but I’ll be honest I’ve spent all morning checking them. I went to the opticians in January and he said eyes were okay, as you can see by the first post in this thread. I have noticed a larger pupil before on the left eye but I’m sure it’s actually looking larger than normal. It only seems to happen in dimmer light. Can I have some advice? I’m trying not to get upset but it’s bothering me a lot
139 pages ago, you started this thread with the below post...
My last eye appointment was 2 years ago, everything was fine.
I went to the opticians before that as well as I noticed I had a larger pupil on one side than the other, he said my eyes were also okay and it's only an issue if they don't restrict.
Well I've been shining lights in my pupils to make them shrink down, and they do shrink but sometimes it isn't instantly, it's not like an instant thing that's super fast. Is that normal?
My friend is going through some eye issues at the moment and it's brought my own anxiety back about my eyes. I've recently been put on 40mg of Citalopram which I'm sure has made my pupils appear larger than normal.
I just want to know if I'm worrying for nothing or if it's normal
Morning everybody! :yesyes:
139 pages ago, you started this thread with the below post...
Morning everybody! [/COLOR]:yesyes:
Yes I do remember that, so I’m wondering if again I have noticed it.
My eldest daughter has one larger in dimmer light as well. But when I saw the eye doctor he said he couldn’t see what I meant in January. But it’s definitely noticeable. It’s quite a bit larger.
What do I do Nora? Do I go back? Do I implant my anxiety methods and try to distract myself. Urgh I just don’t know.
My eldest daughter has one larger in dimmer light as well.
Yes, most everyone's pupils will go larger in dimmer light (it's normal)
Did you know that larger pupils are considered to be more alluring? (Think candlelight)
But when I saw the eye doctor he said he couldn’t see what I meant in January. But it’s definitely noticeable. It’s quite a bit larger.
When you have an eye exam, you have a bright light being shone into your eye. Your pupil will have gone small in the light. This is to protect itself from taking in too much light. If you stand in front of a mirror and hold your hand up to one eye, the pupil nearest to your hand will enlarge because there is less light going in. It's all to do with the amount of light reaching your eyes, Chloe.
What do I do Nora? Do I go back?
And say what?
Do I implant my anxiety methods and try to distract myself. Urgh I just don’t know.
A basic understanding of how the eye actually works might help? :shrug:
Yes, most everyone's pupils will go larger in dimmer light (it's normal)
Did you know that larger pupils are considered to be more alluring? (Think candlelight)
When you have an eye exam, you have a bright light being shone into your eye. Your pupil will have gone small in the light. This is to protect itself from taking in too much light. If you stand in front of a mirror and hold your hand up to one eye, the pupil nearest to your hand will enlarge because there is less light going in. It's all to do with the amount of light reaching your eyes, Chloe.
And say what?
A basic understanding of how the eye actually works might help? :shrug:
I know how the eye works in regards to light, I just mean as one pupil is larger in dimmer light than the other. I assume they are meant to be the same size
Nothing to panic about, in 25% of people this is just normal genetic variance.
I know how the eye works in regards to light, I just mean as one pupil is larger in dimmer light than the other. I assume they are meant to be the same size
Depends on if the light is equal. If I stand in front of my bedroom mirror, I have the window to my right, so more light is going into my right eye than the left. Hence, the right pupil is smaller than the left.
WorryRaptor
17-09-22, 19:23
You're in dimmer light too, so your perception will be off. You might be seeing it as enlarged, rather than it actually being larger. Even if it is, it can just be a genetic anomaly. If it was staying big while a light was shining directly on it, or reacting WAY slower than the other, then it's slightly more concerning, but even then, not always indicative of anything awful.
I feel like this is quickly dipping back into reassurance, and you seem to have gone full circle back to the original concern in this whole thread. Your anxiety is trying to throw everything at you, and this is the time to dig your heels in and tell it to go f*ck itself.
Your anxiety is trying to throw everything at you, and this is the time to dig your hells in and tell it to go f*ck itself.
I really like this advice. :shades:
Today has been a hard day.
I rushed to get my kids to school this morning and I came home and went upstairs to have a shower, I bent down and felt suddenly dizzy, it made me panic but now the feeling hasn’t gone anyway. I’ve felt dizzy all day. The room isn’t spinning but it’s this dizziness behind my eyes. I still went to my baby group with my daughter which was a big thing for me with feeling so anxious.
I missed three days worth of escitalopram last week and it’s now my fourth day of taking them again. I’m not sure if that could contribute.
My jaw is clenching a lot, my head is dizzy, I feel exhausted. I’m scared that I’m seriously sick. I feel scared to even go to sleep tonight because of how I feel.
nomorepanic
26-09-22, 21:15
Why are you missing doses of medication - of course this will cause issues!!!!!
Today has been a hard day.
I rushed to get my kids to school this morning and I came home and went upstairs to have a shower, I bent down and felt suddenly dizzy, it made me panic but now the feeling hasn’t gone anyway. I’ve felt dizzy all day. The room isn’t spinning but it’s this dizziness behind my eyes. I still went to my baby group with my daughter which was a big thing for me with feeling so anxious.
I missed three days worth of escitalopram last week and it’s now my fourth day of taking them again. I’m not sure if that could contribute.
My jaw is clenching a lot, my head is dizzy, I feel exhausted. I’m scared that I’m seriously sick. I feel scared to even go to sleep tonight because of how I feel.
You're not seriously sick, but you are seriously silly for messing about with the medication that's there to help you.
Why didn't you take your medication?
It's a pattern of behaviour.
I have days where I’m rubbish with medication, but I’ve really clamped down on myself with it and I’m taking it properly now. I still feel dizzy today and exhausted. Things look and seem hazy as well.
I’m trying to distract myself but I’m feeling really scared right now
I’ve been thinking recently about buying a blood pressure machine, just to see if things are okay in that department. It’s not a good idea but I can’t face a doctors visit right now
utrocket09
27-09-22, 17:26
I’ve been thinking recently about buying a blood pressure machine, just to see if things are okay in that department. It’s not a good idea but I can’t face a doctors visit right now
Don't waste your money. You are sick since you missed doses of your medication there to help you.
I hope it’s just the restart of the tablets. I’m not sure if three days was enough for it to totally go out of my system. I wasn’t having brain zaps or anything.
I just feel a bit crap, I had a little nap today because I’m so tired, I don’t have much appetite. My head still feels dizzy
I’ve been thinking recently about buying a blood pressure machine, just to see if things are okay in that department. It’s not a good idea but I can’t face a doctors visit right now
You're posting for a reaction here and you've got it. Like when you post to say that you haven't taken your meds for a few days etc etc. You know what will happen. People will react. How would you feel if they didn't?
You're posting for a reaction here and you've got it. Like when you post to say that you haven't taken your meds for a few days etc etc. You know what will happen. People will react. How would you feel if they didn't?
I’m not sure pul, I’m just posting my fears
WorryRaptor
27-09-22, 19:03
What happened to posting your progress instead?
I’m not sure pul, I’m just posting my fears
You are still posting for a reaction otherwise you wouldn't mention the monitor and not taking your meds.
I mentioned the meds as I was thinking allowed, that it could be that causing me to feel rubbish. I seem to make progress and then I feel strange or get a new symptom and I go back down again
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?158723-So-worried-please-help-Dizziness-but-the-room-isn-t-spinning
Not really a new symptom though? All recorded on your "history" here.
You're posting for a reaction here and you've got it. Like when you post to say that you haven't taken your meds for a few days etc etc. You know what will happen. People will react.
I'm inclined to agree, Pulisa.
@Chloe
The pattern with you is that you appear to post for a reaction,and once challenged you throw the line back in for some sympathy.
I mentioned the meds as I was thinking allowed, that it could be that causing me to feel rubbish. I seem to make progress and then I feel strange or get a new symptom and I go back down again
We're not making progress when we think that buying a blood pressure machine is a good idea, and we don't take our medication for three days.
Today has been a hard day.
I rushed to get my kids to school this morning and I came home and went upstairs to have a shower, I bent down and felt suddenly dizzy, it made me panic but now the feeling hasn’t gone anyway. I’ve felt dizzy all day. The room isn’t spinning but it’s this dizziness behind my eyes. I still went to my baby group with my daughter which was a big thing for me with feeling so anxious.
I missed three days worth of escitalopram last week and it’s now my fourth day of taking them again. I’m not sure if that could contribute.
My jaw is clenching a lot, my head is dizzy, I feel exhausted. I’m scared that I’m seriously sick. I feel scared to even go to sleep tonight because of how I feel.
You don't 'miss' three days, you choose not to take them. After day one, the withdrawal symptoms will kick in - unsurprisingly - identical to the ones you're describing. One reason people suddenly stop their meds is because they feel better and think they no longer need them but any doctor (and the leaflet that comes with the meds) will advise against suddenly stopping the medication. For some people find that feeling better gives them less to complain about, therefore, less attention? The solution? They stop taking the meds and wait for the shit to kick back in (And how!) There are possibilities here, but the one I'm not buying is that you 'forgot' to take your medication for three days.
I'm more than happy to support the positive choices you make, but I really think that you need to work out what you are doing and why you're doing it. Maybe you already know the answer to that question? There is something to be gained from behaviour like this, but it won't bring you any happiness, Chloe, and it certainly won't free you from the grip of health anxiety. And all this doesn't just affect you, it affects the lives of those around you, like your children. :shrug:
We're not making progress when we think that buying a blood pressure machine is a good idea, and we don't take our medication for three days.
Absolutely - backwards steps on show here.
WorryRaptor
28-09-22, 10:54
Being inconsistent with your medication is essentially pressing "randomise" on your brain chemistry. Of course you're going to feel all kinds of weirdness. There's a very good reason doctors tell you not to miss any doses.
Back to my previous question about progress. Why don't you share something good about today? I'm sure everyone here would genuinely like to know about the positive changes you're making.
I’m actually starting up my driving lessons again which I had to stop due to mental health. That’s definitely something positive.
I’m actually starting up my driving lessons again which I had to stop due to mental health. That’s definitely something positive.
Nice work, Chloe!! :yahoo:
Do any of you drive?
How do you find it with your anxiey
WorryRaptor
04-10-22, 21:19
I’m actually starting up my driving lessons again which I had to stop due to mental health. That’s definitely something positive.
That's great, Chloe!
WorryRaptor
04-10-22, 21:20
Do any of you drive?
How do you find it with your anxiey
Yep. Love driving :) It's so liberating to just hop in the car and go wherever you like.
Do any of you drive?
How do you find it with your anxiey
I drive Chloe I rack up about 40k miles a year. My son loves being in the car it makes him happy, so drive we do. I sometimes take myself off for drives when I feel shit through the country I find it relaxes me.
I love driving in good conditions on good roads -- it's other people, debris, and roadworks that scare the daylights out of me. But there's nothing better than being licensed and knowing that you *could* handle whatever the road of life throws at you, all while staying in the passenger's seat... or better yet, walking or train-ing it, as that way you can pay far more attention to the flowers, trees, cute puppy dogs, etc. :D
Good luck, Chloe, glad to hear you're finding some everyday life to put back into your days.
I love driving and riding but have shocking road rage,mainly when people do 60 in a 100k zone. I normally drive like I stole it.:D
It’s nice to know that people can drive who also have anxiety. I have had periods where my health anxiety is too bad to even consider learning to drive, so I’m really hoping I can do it this time
Tonight I’m worried again. When I’m in a dark room, and I’m blinking at the white wall I can see a dark large spot in my vision. It’s only when I’m in a totally dark bedroom. It’s almost like if you looked at a bright light and then blinked afterwards but this is just a dark shape. I had actually managed to be rational about my eyes the last couple of weeks and I thought I was doing okay. This is now causing nasty thoughts to creep in. What do you guys think?
What do you guys think?
I think you're falling right back into the same self inflicted and reassurance seeking patterns as before :lac:
FMP
I think you're falling right back into the same self inflicted and reassurance seeking patterns as before :lac:
FMP
Well I’m asking you guys because I just don’t know what’s an issue and what isnt
Well I’m asking you guys because I just don’t know what’s an issue and what isnt
Read what you wrote from the perspective of a non sufferer would for a moment and try to see the irrationality in your behavior and subsequent thoughts... You are literally creating something to feed your dragon!
Tonight I’m worried again. When I’m in a dark room, and I’m blinking at the white wall I can see a dark large spot in my vision. It’s only when I’m in a totally dark bedroom. It’s almost like if you looked at a bright light and then blinked afterwards but this is just a dark shape. I had actually managed to be rational about my eyes the last couple of weeks and I thought I was doing okay. This is now causing nasty thoughts to creep in.
Actually, at this point, based on your history, all the replies and reassurance, indeed you do know full well what the issue really is :shades:
FMP
What do you guys think?
I think you are being hypervigilant to something that isn't a problem.
I was doing some work in the garden and suddenly pain in the back of my head started. It’s given me such a panic. I feel all hot, I’m scared. The pain is really strange and my head feels hot. Im scared im having a brain bleed
If you honestly believe you're having a brain bleed, you should probably be dialling 999 rather than posting at internet strangers.
WorryRaptor
10-10-22, 12:02
What do you guys think?
You know what we think, Chloe. This is just another fear trying to light the anxiety fire. Well done on fighting against the anxiety over the last couple of weeks, that's really good progress.
What tools did you apply over the last couple of weeks when you were being rational about your eyes? Apply them to the current fear.
I have had periods where my health anxiety is too bad to even consider learning to drive, so I’m really hoping I can do it this time You can. Once you get the hang of it, it will become like second nature. Just stick with it through the scary parts at the beginning, and don't be afraid to tell your instructor when you're nervous. They will be able to go over things with you until you're comfortable. That's their job :)
You know what we think, Chloe. This is just another fear trying to light the anxiety fire. Well done on fighting against the anxiety over the last couple of weeks, that's really good progress.
What tools did you apply over the last couple of weeks when you were being rational about your eyes? Apply them to the current fear.
You can. Once you get the hang of it, it will become like second nature. Just stick with it through the scary parts at the beginning, and don't be afraid to tell your instructor when you're nervous. They will be able to go over things with you until you're comfortable. That's their job :)
Thanks worry, I’ve actually tried to talk myself down so by rationalising it, asking myself questions about the problem like Nora explained a few posts back. Headaches I struggle with due to history with my brother, I have such bad panic attacks when I get one, not only that this headache feels different to ones I’ve had before. It’s more at the back of the head with a tight band so it’s unusual for me. My ears also hurt a bit, it’s odd. Like there is pressure. I was just sorting the garden and it suddenly came on, I then thought I was going to be sick which panicked me even more. Managed to swallow some ibuprofen so I’m hoping it takes it away.
And thank you! I really need some encouragement for driving as it’s such a huge thing for me. With four young children it’s something I really have to do.
Blue I was waiting to see if anything else developed with the headache. It’s a scary thought my ears are full of pressure too. It’s very strange.
I was doing some work in the garden and suddenly pain in the back of my head started. It’s given me such a panic. I feel all hot, I’m scared. The pain is really strange and my head feels hot. Im scared im having a brain bleed
This is a very coherent comment for someone with a supposed bleed on the brain. I remember the amount of pain I was in with an internal bleed in the womb (and I certainly wasn't well enough to piss about on forums) so I imagine there would be some very serious (and obvious) symptoms going on if there's a bleed in the brain!
I agree Nora,there is no way in hell -Helen would be typing on a forum with a bleed.Her vision would be blurry and she wouldn’t be able to string two words together. I have a stent in my head.
It’s a scary thought my ears are full of pressure too. It’s very strange.
Welcome to my world... (Actually, it's just the one ear)
Can pain in the ribs/lung area be muscular?
Can pain in the ribs/lung area be muscular?
Seriously? How long have you been a member and asked the same type of question? Are you truly that addicted and desperate for reassurance?
FMP
ServerError
17-10-22, 01:40
Chlobo - are you by any chance the user once known as Reb and Helenhoo? If not I apologise, but if so, it's terribly sad to see you still trapped so far down this rabbit hole.
Seriously? How long have you been a member and asked the same type of question? Are you truly that addicted and desperate for reassurance?
FMP
Too long fish, way too long.
I’ve had some intrusive thoughts which I’ve had to work on a lot this evening and tonight.
The police woke me early this morning by hammering my door, to which they then inform me they have the wrong address but I got ripped out of sleep and my legs and arms are shaky and I feel weak. I’ve made myself a cup of tea and I’m sat in my kitchen trying to gain some control. I need to be up at 6 and it’s almost 2am now. I have a driving lesson this afternoon which I’m actually dreading but more the social side of sitting with a driving instructor and having to make conversation than the actual driving itself.
I’m taking my Escitalopram regularly and I’m almost due an increase up to 15 now
Chlobo - are you by any chance the user once known as Reb and Helenhoo? If not I apologise, but if so, it's terribly sad to see you still trapped so far down this rabbit hole.
I remember you from when I first made my account. And no I’m not either of those members. I’ve had this account since 2014 I think and I had a long break in between but the last two years have been very difficult with health anxiety again.
It’s actually quite embarrassing to be compared to this helenhoo person. Fishman has made the odd joke comparing me to her. I wish people wouldn’t though, anxiety makes us do crazy things but I don’t think it should be mocked. I think these last two years have been my lowest with health anxiety, some of the behaviours I’ve done are actually shameful, the amount of stress I’ve put people close to me through is embarrassing.
ServerError
17-10-22, 02:07
I most certainly wasn't making a joke. Far from it. I was just curious because the way in which you talk about your anxieties is so reminiscent of her. I can assure you I wasn't mocking you or anything like that.
I most certainly wasn't making a joke. Far from it. I was just curious because the way in which you talk about your anxieties is so reminiscent of her. I can assure you I wasn't mocking you or anything like that.
I’ve looked up her posts and we do seem very similar in how our anxiety affects us and how we post. I’m not sure if she still posts now, the last post I could see was from 2021. Maybe she has managed to work on recovery from this. At the moment I feel like that is very far away for me
Just to clarify, Chloe, your response to the police knock was absolutely and utterly normal. It happens to us occasionally because we live in a rough area, and I land up getting the shakes every single time. That's not clinical anxiety, that's being a human being. Explain to your instructor that you had a rough night, they'll likely be empathetic.
It’s actually quite embarrassing to be compared to this helenhoo person. Fishman has made the odd joke comparing me to her. I wish people wouldn’t though, anxiety makes us do crazy things but I don’t think it should be mocked. I think these last two years have been my lowest with health anxiety, some of the behaviours I’ve done are actually shameful, the amount of stress I’ve put people close to me through is embarrassing.
I don't think people are mocking you, Chloe. They're just pointing out that your behaviour is very similar to someone else on here.
These observations are even more valid because you started this thread on 16.12.21 and Helen Hoo's last activity on here was 16.12.21. (That's quite the coincidence, Chloe - surely you can see this?)
And here is the pattern again. You've been challenged, or rather an observation has been made, and you bring out the emotional blackmail because this is veering away from what want from us.
If you have umpteen accounts on here, that's your choice. People do it all the time and for numerous reasons. I care less about that and more about the fact that you continue to be trapped in this cycle of wanting/seeking reassurance instead of working your way out of this..
I suppose it's all about whether you are actually trapped or wanting to present as trapped though?
That's a very interesting point, Pulisa, and one I've wondered about for a while.
I suppose it's all about whether you are actually trapped or wanting to present as trapped though?
Well, this is the problem because we can't possibly know what's in Chloe's head.
People do choose to stay in this situation, or, as you say, they 'present as trapped'. (This is because it serves them in some way to do so, and the reasons vary)
Hey guys, so I’m on my medication properly now, taking it as I should after the previous time where I felt dizzy.
I’m just struggling again this week, it’s half term so I have all the kids off and we are doing things most days to keep them occupied, but my anxiety seems to feed on holidays for some reason.
Last night I felt like the side of my face felt a bit odd, I had been watching TV and hadn’t noticed it but I was cleaning my face with make up remover and it almost felt like that side was a little numb and off. I have also woken up this morning and both my arms feel really heavy and weird. I had a real laugh with a friend yesterday and I was smiling a lot and my cheek muscles get this weak feeling really quickly which I’ve never had before until this year. If I laugh and stretch my mouth wide my cheek muscles get this horrible weak tired feeling. It goes after I stop laughing but now I’m worried about that as well. I keep having thoughts of MS
I keep having thoughts of MS
So what? :shrug:
I think Nora's signature is the best reply here: A thought is harmless unless we believe it.
Also the very good news is that having thoughts is better than the alternative (not having any :roflmao:)
And there's a person who can change your thoughts: You. :)
So what? :shrug:
I know it wasn't directed at me but that's exactly what I needed to hear today! That's going to be my new mantra when I'm starting to spiral!
I know it wasn't directed at me but that's exactly what I needed to hear today! That's going to be my new mantra when I'm starting to spiral!
It's what I've been telling myself since 2017.
Ache in the bum?
"So what?" :shrug:
Eye twitch kicks in?
So what? :shrug:
A bit of tingling in my hand?
So what? :shrug:
Hundreds of symptoms for over fifty years and I haven't keeled over yet. :yesyes:
It's what I've been telling myself since 2017.
Ache in the bum?
"So what?" :shrug:
Eye twitch kicks in?
So what? :shrug:
A bit of tingling in my hand?
So what? :shrug:
Hundreds of symptoms for over fifty years and I haven't keeled over yet. :yesyes:
I do like that mantra nora.
So what! It feels good to say it or to shout it
I do like that mantra nora.
So what! It feels good to say it or to shout it
It really does. Keep shouting it and enjoy your time with the kids. :yesyes:
Hi all.
This morning I’ve had something awful happen and it’s made my anxiety really peak. I’m on my Escitalopram and for some reason ssri’s always make my pupils larger. This side effect never goes away, it just seems to continue throughout and they are always larger in the mornings. So I’m not sure if this is related.
This morning I was up around 6.30 and I noticed they looked really large so I went upstairs to check if they would restrict, I turned the light on and they were still huge, I then went to my mirror and opened the curtains and they were still big. Queue panic attack so bad I had to run to the toilet. I went outside in daylight and they restricted slightly but again not as small as they should be. I walked down the garden into brighter light and they started to go smaller.
I shone my phone light into my pupils and they restricted how they should.
This has scared the life out of me, they are now normal and small in bright light but for a while they were not restricting down as they should. I really need some help, I’m not sure if this requires attendance to A&E so my eyes can be checked. I feel sick and dizzy. I’ve managed to drop my kids to school but I’m home now and constantly checking my pupils. Someone please talk to me
I am not sure if this could be the meds causing my eyes to dilate with a large hit of serotonin in the morning and it just took a little while for them to respond properly as I know serotonin relaxes the eye muscles. I’m just a real mess this morning.
Nora taught you a mantra. Use it.
Nora taught you a mantra. Use it.
But surely this isn’t a ‘so what’ moment. I’m sat here shaking, and now I’m not sure if my panic has caused what I’m feeling now or if something is going on with my brain.
You are lucky to have eyes,stop complaining at least you can see.
In the nicest possible way, get a grip and start thinking about why HA is your safe space.
In the nicest possible way, get a grip and start thinking about why HA is your safe space.
I don’t feel safe at all blue. I don’t understand why my eyes did that
You are lucky to have eyes,stop complaining at least you can see.
Of course I’m thankful to have eyes. I don’t understand what that has to do with my post. I’m very thankful I can see but I have health anxiety and a fear of neurological issues and if my eyes do something strange I really pick up on it and panic
You know right (I'm sure this has been said to you here a few times) - adrenaline causes pupil dilation.
You know right (I'm sure this has been said to you here a few times) - adrenaline causes pupil dilation.
Yea I remember you saying, just everything I read says if your pupils don’t react to light it’s a medical emergency. I mean mine do react to light now but they were so dilated before and didn’t react as I would have expected them too for a little bit
Hi all.
This morning I’ve had something awful happen and it’s made my anxiety really peak. I’m on my Escitalopram and for some reason ssri’s always make my pupils larger. This side effect never goes away, it just seems to continue throughout and they are always larger in the mornings. So I’m not sure if this is related.
This morning I was up around 6.30 and I noticed they looked really large so I went upstairs to check if they would restrict, I turned the light on and they were still huge, I then went to my mirror and opened the curtains and they were still big. Queue panic attack so bad I had to run to the toilet. I went outside in daylight and they restricted slightly but again not as small as they should be. I walked down the garden into brighter light and they started to go smaller.
I shone my phone light into my pupils and they restricted how they should.
This has scared the life out of me, they are now normal and small in bright light but for a while they were not restricting down as they should. I really need some help, I’m not sure if this requires attendance to A&E so my eyes can be checked. I feel sick and dizzy. I’ve managed to drop my kids to school but I’m home now and constantly checking my pupils. Someone please talk to me
From the first post on this thread nearly a year ago...
My last eye appointment was 2 years ago, everything was fine.
I went to the opticians before that as well as I noticed I had a larger pupil on one side than the other, he said my eyes were also okay and it's only an issue if they don't restrict.
Well I've been shining lights in my pupils to make them shrink down, and they do shrink but sometimes it isn't instantly, it's not like an instant thing that's super fast. Is that normal?
My friend is going through some eye issues at the moment and it's brought my own anxiety back about my eyes. I've recently been put on 40mg of Citalopram which I'm sure has made my pupils appear larger than normal.
I just want to know if I'm worrying for nothing or if it's normal
Just some reference. Keep doing the same things and you'll get the same results.
FMP
From the first post on this thread nearly a year ago...
Just some reference. Keep doing the same things and you'll get the same results.
FMP
At that point they did restrict, but this morning for some reason they were so dilated that they took a while to go tiny
At that point they did restrict, but this morning for some reason they were so dilated that they took a while to go tiny
So what? Sorry :lac:... But your dragon will do anything to keep you in his cave and he's succeeding. As I said, doing the same things will yield the same results and the examples of this throughout this thread are quite evident.
FMP
A full circle. :(
I was doing okayish, I think. I’ve had the kids off school this week and we did a lot of things which kept me busy, they are back at school today. I had some unhelpful thoughts and symptoms this week which I’ve managed by distraction and going out with my children, also using self soothing.
This morning that was like a kick in the face, my eyes as you all know are a huge trigger for me and I’ve gone backwards again for sure.
I’m not sure what happened to my eyes or why they did what they did but brain issues are a huge problem for me as you all know.
So what? Sorry :lac:... But your dragon will do anything to keep you in his cave and he's succeeding. As I said, doing the same things will yield the same results and the examples of this throughout this thread are quite evident.
FMP
I want your outlook fish I really do.
So what are you doing to get it?
ServerError
01-11-22, 14:05
It goes against my better instincts to offer symptom reassurance in a thread of this nature, but for what it's worth, you have to remember that your eyes are not on/off switches, nor do they have on/off switches. Eyes are complex organs, just as your lungs, heart, liver etc are, and how they behave will vary depending on your own personal biology, your current physical and mental state, and all manner of environmental factors. The eyes are controlled by tiny muscles fibres that respond to the environment, as there is no guarantee that these muscles will react instantaneously or quickly to the change from dark to light, especially after hours in the dark during the night. What you witnessed with your eyes could well be happening to millions of other people around the world who aren't health anxious or hyper-focused and therefore don't even notice it. I couldn't tell you how well my pupils respond to changes from light to dark or vice versa, and I'm not about to check. You have to understand that your eyes are a functioning organism that don't always behave exactly as we might expect - and in your state, your expectations may well be irrational anyway.
Obviously, with any genuine change - anything that is clearly out of the ordinary - the advice is to go to the doctor and get it checked out. It's up to you whether you do that, but I'd be more concerned about your mental hyper-focus on your eyes rather than on how your eyes are behaving.
WorryRaptor
01-11-22, 15:14
Chloe, nobody here can reassure you about your eyes and you know that. If they try, you'll only find something else to fixate on.
Much like Server Error said above, you're an organism, not a robot. The body does random things sometimes, and there's no rhyme or reason to it.
What's far more likely is that you're hyperaware of various neurological "signs" and you're subconsciously looking for them. So you think your eyes not performing to textbook perfection means something neurological is wrong. This is your anxiety taking all nuance out of your situation and replacing it with certain doom. It's also worth noting that unresponsive pupils are exactly that - unresponsive. Not slow in certain lights, not getting smaller but not quite enough etc etc. So in reality, your pupils DID restrict. You went outside into broad daylight and they did their thing, exactly how they needed to. Pupils remain large for a lot of reasons, and many of those reasons are emotional. When I'm engaged in a great conversation, mine are the size of Puss In Boots eyes in Shrek. I could be out in the blazing sun and they'd still be massive.
You have to stop fixating on tiny details and turning them into a big picture, because you'll never be able to see the real problem.
If you're genuinely worried about your eyes, contact your GP like anybody else would. Simple as that. Coming on here to post about it to a place you know full well won't offer you any reassurance seems like a strange extra step.
It's learned helplessness, I think. I honestly get not wanting to be an adult but it's not something you can delegate to internet strangers.
It goes against my better instincts to offer symptom reassurance in a thread of this nature, but for what it's worth, you have to remember that your eyes are not on/off switches, nor do they have on/off switches. Eyes are complex organs, just as your lungs, heart, liver etc are, and how they behave will vary depending on your own personal biology, your current physical and mental state, and all manner of environmental factors. The eyes are controlled by tiny muscles fibres that respond to the environment, as there is no guarantee that these muscles will react instantaneously or quickly to the change from dark to light, especially after hours in the dark during the night. What you witnessed with your eyes could well be happening to millions of other people around the world who aren't health anxious or hyper-focused and therefore don't even notice it. I couldn't tell you how well my pupils respond to changes from light to dark or vice versa, and I'm not about to check. You have to understand that your eyes are a functioning organism that don't always behave exactly as we might expect - and in your state, your expectations may well be irrational anyway.
Obviously, with any genuine change - anything that is clearly out of the ordinary - the advice is to go to the doctor and get it checked out. It's up to you whether you do that, but I'd be more concerned about your mental hyper-focus on your eyes rather than on how your eyes are behaving.
Thank you for this Server, really, thank you. I’ve re read this a few times now to try and install it and hopefully bring myself some peace. They have been normal for the rest of the day so I have no idea what happened. They are always large in the morning because of the SSRI’s I’m on. For some reason they have always affected my eyes this way.
Chloe, nobody here can reassure you about your eyes and you know that. If they try, you'll only find something else to fixate on.
Much like Server Error said above, you're an organism, not a robot. The body does random things sometimes, and there's no rhyme or reason to it.
What's far more likely is that you're hyperaware of various neurological "signs" and you're subconsciously looking for them. So you think your eyes not performing to textbook perfection means something neurological is wrong. This is your anxiety taking all nuance out of your situation and replacing it with certain doom. It's also worth noting that unresponsive pupils are exactly that - unresponsive. Not slow in certain lights, not getting smaller but not quite enough etc etc. So in reality, your pupils DID restrict. You went outside into broad daylight and they did their thing, exactly how they needed to. Pupils remain large for a lot of reasons, and many of those reasons are emotional. When I'm engaged in a great conversation, mine are the size of Puss In Boots eyes in Shrek. I could be out in the blazing sun and they'd still be massive.
You have to stop fixating on tiny details and turning them into a big picture, because you'll never be able to see the real problem.
If you're genuinely worried about your eyes, contact your GP like anybody else would. Simple as that. Coming on here to post about it to a place you know full well won't offer you any reassurance seems like a strange extra step.
Thank you worry as well for your message.
I genuinely panicked so much I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just raced downstairs and ran outside to check them in the early morning light. It was dimmer light for sure as it was still early but they took a while to shrink down even then. I’m dreading the morning because I’ll be on high alert. My eyes are a real problem with my anxiety because they are such a doorway to your brain health.
It's learned helplessness, I think. I honestly get not wanting to be an adult but it's not something you can delegate to internet strangers.
I don’t know what to respond with blue, everything you write is just a slap in the face at this point on this thread
Yes I agree about the learned helplessness and I'm sure Chloe's psychologist is working on this aspect . Much as she won't like it.
I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, Chloe, but I stand by what I said.
I’ve re read this a few times now to try and install it and hopefully bring myself some peace.
And what about the pages of posts giving you the same advice on this same symptom?
Server wrote a brilliant post, but it will join the long list of other brilliant posts you've failed to 'install'.
Re your comment to Blue; she might not be giving you the reassurance that you want, but she is giving you what you need. (As many of us are)
Despite the amount of support you've been given on here, you don't appear to give anything back to the forum. As far as I can seem you don't comment on any threads aside your own. However, focusing on other people can help to take our minds off ourselves, so it may actually help you to do this?
I do try to comment on other peoples but sometimes I find them triggering so I don’t, it depends what it’s about.
The first thing I did today was wake up at 6am and shone my torch to check pupil response and they shrunk down normally. I have no idea what happened yesterday.
The first thing I did today was wake up at 6am and shone my torch to check pupil response and they shrunk down normally.
Brilliant idea ! Do the same as you did yesterday mornning and set yourself off to a good start :unsure: Just WHY ?
What happened yesterday morning is that you probably instantly panicked within seconds and adrenaline whooshed around your system.
Brilliant idea ! Do the same as you did yesterday mornning and set yourself off to a good start :unsure: Just WHY ?
What happened yesterday morning is that you probably instantly panicked within seconds and adrenaline whooshed around your system.
I’m not sure Cary’s. I don’t know how I can ever stop this fear of a brain tumour. It’s a phobia, I am just so certain that it’s going to happen to me. And I just wouldn’t cope.
I feel like I have to check to make sure it’s okay, if I don’t what if I miss something,
You've received so much good advice and you can't even check Carys' name is spelled correctly.
Can you honestly not see how your actions are learned helplessness?
if I don’t what if I miss something
Ah now this is an interesting statement. What about all those people who aren't constantly checking their bodies 24/7 and running a full MOT-type check on every function every single day ? Does their 'brain tumour' get missed ? Errrrrrr no, it doesn't. What happens is that when REAL symptoms happen they are obvious, they stand out, they don't need hyper vigilance or daily obsessive checks - which is what you are doing. You are actually making it less likely that you notice an actual physical symptom or change by bombarding yourself daily with spurious conditions you believe you have. Hyper vigilance makes everything out of proportion, so that you can no longer tell what is 'real' and what is not. Stop checking, just stop, stop testing by shining a torch in your eyes first thing in the morning ! You'd know soon enough without doing any self-testing if there was anything wrong !!!
You are basically doing something akin to me being fearful of - ummmm - breaking both my legs. So, each day I focus on my legs, test them, jump up and down, run about, feel a little twinge here and there, panic, notice a bump I've not seen before, panic, feel a bit jelly legged, panic. The fact is that broken legs would be obvious as when something is really wrong, with proper physical illness or a condition behind it, you know. You don't have to test and guess and test and worry and test and try testing again, then it goes and you start testing all over the next day.
You have gone a full circle yet again, back to the brain tumour that has come up here time and time again. It wasn't one last time, or the time before, or the time before - so why not make life easier for yourself and quit looking for a brain tumour. If, in the extraordinary unlikely event that one appears in the future, all the checking you are doing won't make it not happen and it will be obvious. You can't keep using your Brother's illness as a reason for this - all people know people who have had awful illnesses, everybody knows many people who have died, etc etc.
Now - have a think about Blue's question to you ?
I do try to comment on other peoples but sometimes I find them triggering so I don’t, it depends what it’s about.
Totally understand the triggering bit, Chloe. But this forum isn't just about anxiety and symptoms, there are lots of threads where people have some banter and a laugh. You could join in with some of those and take your mind of yourself for a bit?
The first thing I did today was wake up at 6am and shone my torch to check pupil response and they shrunk down normally. I have no idea what happened yesterday.
Then again, why would you want to help yourself when this ^^^^^^ is clearly all you want to do. :shrug:
I don’t know how I can ever stop this fear of a brain tumour.
For a start, don't get up at 6am and shine a torch in your eyes! (Go and make a brew or have a poo - ya know normal morning activities)
I am just so certain that it’s going to happen to me. And I just wouldn’t cope.
The reality is that you cannot be 'certain', and you cannot 'know' that you wouldn't cope - you can only think that you wouldn't. (And many people surprise themselves by coping really well)
I feel like I have to check to make sure it’s okay, if I don’t what if I miss something,
The person I know who had a brain tumour didn't need to piss about shining torches in his eyes. He kept falling over and was unable to string together a coherent sentence. This is your body's control center you're talking about, Chloe. I have a small problem in a small part of my brain, and this has caused a massive problem for me which affects almost every part of my body. A tumour is something that keeps growing and as it grows it disturbs even more of the brain and no matter what part of the brain the tumour is in, the symptoms will be indicative of something being majorly wrong.
Well I've been shining lights in my pupils to make them shrink down, and they do shrink but sometimes it isn't instantly, it's not like an instant thing that's super fast. Is that normal?
My friend is going through some eye issues at the moment and it's brought my own anxiety back about my eyes. I've recently been put on 40mg of Citalopram which I'm sure has made my pupils appear larger than normal.
I just want to know if I'm worrying for nothing or if it's normal
As FMP pointed out, this was your original post on this thread from last year and here you still are - 149 pages later - doing and saying the same things. (And we've all been enabling this)
That's a year of your life and your children's lives, and there's no evidence at all for a brain tumour. (Your brother's brain issue isn't evidence)
Also, if you are so 'certain' that you couldn't 'cope' with a diagnosis of a brain tumour, why are you so bothered about 'missing something'?
The person I know who had a brain tumour didn't need to piss about shining torches in his eyes. He kept falling over and was unable to string together a coherent sentence. This is your body's control center you're talking about, Chloe. I have a small problem in a small part of my brain, and this has caused a massive problem for me which affects almost every part of my body. A tumour is something that keeps growing and as it grows it disturbs even more of the brain and no matter what part of the brain the tumour is in, the symptoms will be indicative of something being majorly wrong.
Exactly ! Nora words, getting to the point, saying what I was also trying to say in my post on this page.
Ah now this is an interesting statement. What about all those people who aren't constantly checking their bodies 24/7 and running a full MOT-type check on every function every single day ? Does their 'brain tumour' get missed ? Errrrrrr no, it doesn't. What happens is that when REAL symptoms happen they are obvious, they stand out, they don't need hyper vigilance or daily obsessive checks - which is what you are doing.
This is what I've been telling myself lately :yesyes:, if there was something genuinely wrong, you would know pretty quickly. Up to very recently I was in a similar position to Chlobo, couldn't stop checking had to look for that "certainty" that I, who have had absolutely no formal medical training, convinced myself I could provide by contorting myself in various ways looking for limb weakness. Lists of symptoms on he internet are absolutely useless to us - exactly like your broken bone analogy - pain is the number one symptom listed but every time I get a pain I don't assume it's a broken bone! When a Dr examines you they look at you as a whole, not one particular symptom.
Something that I find helps me is to limit my checking to a particular 10 minute slot, same time every day. I'm still in this phase at the moment. I get it all out of the way in the morning and once everything is to my standards :roflmao: if I get an urge to check later in the day, I fight myself and say we checked this morning it was OK, if it's not we will find out tomorrow morning. Even if I'm not anxious I force myself to check at that time, as it highlights the irrationality of what I'm doing further. Soon I'll move to every 2nd day. It isn't easy to do but it's either work hard at this or give up and let it consume you... It really is your choice.
A great post Mocadona ! You are really trying so very hard to take control, its tough right, but you are taking steps and I wish you every success. :)
WorryRaptor
03-11-22, 11:15
So much helpful information here for you, Chloe, but I get the distinct feeling you don't want it.
As a person who has actual neurological "problems", I can assure you that they're not subtle. Mine is from a relatively harmless process caused by a rare type of migraine, maybe some small levels of inflammation too, and I can assure you, I don't need to look for symptoms when they happen. I won't list those symptoms as I don't think it would be helpful in the context of this thread, but they're incredibly obvious when they do occur.
You've said a brain tumour is your biggest phobia. So you already know your fear is an irrational one, because you readily call it a phobia, without any prompting from us. Everything you've done has only served to feed that phobia, but I feel you're fully aware of that too. I know you don't seem to like the term "learned helplessness" but so much of this thread points to that. You don't give the impression that you post here looking for help or advice, even though you get it in spades. Honestly, is it the attention that you find comforting? I'm not trying to be insulting, I'd just like to know. That in itself is part of mental illness for which there is help.
How are your therapy sessions going? What's their plan for you?
ServerError
03-11-22, 12:05
My mum has an actual neurological illness - multiple sclerosis - and she's less scared of it than Chlobo is, sadly. I've often reminded myself in the past that my fears of diseases have been worse than the fear people who actually have the illnesses experience.
WorryRaptor
03-11-22, 12:18
I've often reminded myself in the past that my fears of diseases have been worse than the fear people who actually have the illnesses experience. So true!
Just a prediction... and you can call the 'Told Ya So Gang' out on me if I'm wrong....
The thread has reached a critical mass yet again and the OP will make a post about a positive step, either recommended by her therapist or on her own and get replies giving her kudos (and attention) for doing so. Shortly thereafter something else will come up, there will be a symptom dump and fear and the pattern will start again.
I do think you have a point about 'learned helplessness'. It has brought attention and reassurance for years and seems to be ingrained based on the posting patterns.
FMP
I've often reminded myself in the past that my fears of diseases have been worse than the fear people who actually have the illnesses experience.
True.
One of the most common things someone with HA will say is, ' I 'know' I won't cope if I have (insert disease here).
Except most people do cope. They find that they cope a lot better with reality than what they've imagined for themselves. (And reality is generally far less dramatic than what we imagine)
I don't have a terminal illness, but I do have a chronic health condition that is debilitating and life affecting. I'm on a different track now. I know what's wrong with me (it was a massive problem when I didn't know what was wrong with me) and I deal with the symptoms and try to get my head around the psychological stuff. (I have little choice but to cope)
My mum had cancer; she coped.
My dad had cancer; he coped.
My FIL had a brain tumour; he coped.
My brother has heart issues, he's had a stroke, and he has cancer; he's coping.
My other brother was given a 40% chance of survival earlier this year because he was bleeding to death. He came through but he has to live with this issue recurring; he's coping.
We think that we won't cope. We convince ourselves that we won't cope, but most of us do. This coping mechanism is wired into us as a species. It's about survival. We adapt and overcome until the day that we are no longer able to do so. (Death)
WorryRaptor
04-11-22, 11:57
I wonder if the fear of being unable to cope is actually the fear of not being the perfect version of who a person thinks they are / want to be. Illnesses or injuries smash that image quite quickly, as they don't play favourites and they don't care what you love.
I struggled a little with that when I had to change my activity level due to neck instability. Some of the things that were part of my identity were no longer things I could do. I had to let go of certain parts of my "self"
ServerError
04-11-22, 14:06
I think if you're lucky enough to have had a healthy childhood and to be a healthy young adult, you'll have spent your entire life so far more or less shaping it the way you see fit, and you'll have ideas about yourself and your identity that feel in your own control. Obviously there's every chance you'll have come through challenges here and there, but you'll always have felt a degree of control over who you are and what you choose to do. I know, for me, as I reached my mid to late 20s, my mind suddenly stopped thinking of illness and death as abstract concepts that happen to other people, and from that point on, I realised they can - and ultimately will - happen to me. That was the moment when my health anxiety arrived. I realise now that what I was fearful of - aside from difficult symptoms and challenging treatments - was the fact that things really can happen that alter your level of control over your own life and who you are. For example, having to undergo a period of treatment for cancer would change almost everything I currently do and have planned, possibly for months - maybe forever. That thought still scares me now. But most people I know who have experienced something like this seem to end up taking the attitude that, yes, their lives have changed and things are different, but thy focus on the things they can control and stop worrying about what they can't control and what they might have lost. They create new identities - perhaps they start spreading awareness, perhaps they become fundraisers, in my mum's case, she took up playing bass guitar long after being diagnosed with MS because it was within her capacity to control. She can't go hiking or on long walks anymore and that sometimes makes her a little sad, but her life mostly revolves around open mic nights, improving her playing and, of course, her family - all things where she still has a degree of control.
I bring my mum up a lot because she's the example I'm closest to of someone who received a serious diagnosis and met the issue head-on. She was diagnosed 21 years ago now and I would say she spent the first four days following her diagnosis failing to cope, sitting around feeling sorry for herself and like she wanted the ground to swallow her up, and then after about four days, she stood up and started getting on with life again. That's the only way to face something serious being wrong with us - even if it's something terminal or something worse than MS. Let go of what you can't control and focus on what you can.
Just a prediction... and you can call the 'Told Ya So Gang' out on me if I'm wrong....
The thread has reached a critical mass yet again and the OP will make a post about a positive step, either recommended by her therapist or on her own and get replies giving her kudos (and attention) for doing so. Shortly thereafter something else will come up, there will be a symptom dump and fear and the pattern will start again.
I do think you have a point about 'learned helplessness'. It has brought attention and reassurance for years and seems to be ingrained based on the posting patterns.
FMP
If Chloe IS actually seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist then they will have sussed this out hence the need to continue with the behaviours on here for a more sympathetic response maybe?
ServerError, I just know that when you make a post its going to be real quality and well worth the read. The one up above is thought-provoking and so well crafted to get a really important point across (In my opinion). :)
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