View Full Version : CT tomorrow. Possible surgery. So upset.
I deleted a post before because I was just so anxious and checking and not getting responses.
I saw my doctor today and the abdominal pain I'm having is very likely a recurrent umbilical hernia that I just had fixed 10 months ago during my hysterectomy. I'll have a CT tomorrow to confirm what it is. I have sharp pain when I press on my belly or stretch my torso. I could also maybe be adhesions.
I'm so sad. Its Christmas week and I thought we'd have a normal Christmas. Now I may be having surgery over Christmas during a massive covid surge. I just can't stop tearing up. I had a hard school semester and just want to relax.
always scared
21-12-21, 01:41
dear ErinKC (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?79066-ErinKC) I am so sorry you're going through this. I can't say much to help but I'm sending lots of hugs :hugs:
Life is what happens when we’re making other plans, right? I’m so sorry. It sucks to spend your holiday having surgery. Hopefully you will feel better quickly.
You reminded me of my uncle having a hernia repaired when I was a little girl in the 1960s. He was in the hospital for days and had a six week recovery. Yikes!!! I’m glad medical science has progressed.
Sending good thoughts your way.
Best,
Debbie
Lovely Erin, that sucks for you and your family. I hope the CT scan goes ok, let us know? It’ll be good to get it all behind you though, and no-one is going to put you through unnecessary risks or an unsafe procedure.
I do love Christmas but there’s so much pressure on us (especially women, extra especially Mums) to make it as perfect as possible. At some point though you just have to live within your limits a bit. I don’t know about you, but last year we spent Christmas Day at home instead of visiting family. I spent days planning dinner and in the end my daughter didn’t eat it and I made her nuggets instead [emoji16]. This year, she has covid and isn’t out of isolation until Boxing Day. I’m hoping that we’ll all be well enough to un-isolate together.
I read something on Instagram yesterday: It’s ok to be full of uncertainty and unsure whether to make plans. It’s ok to be overwhelmed with everything that is happening right now. It’s ok if you aren’t full of Christmas sparkle. It’s ok if you don’t know how to feel.
It really is overwhelming at the moment, and to add in something else (medical procedure) is just going to show you how strong and resilient you really can be.
Xx
Hello Erin...I'm so sorry you have this worry and I hope the CT scan can at least be definitive as to how things will pan out over Christmas. I really hope that you don't have to have surgery of course.
Just to say that I've had an abdominal incision hysterectomy and also 2 mid line ventral hernia repairs after the emergency surgery. It was very obvious that the hernia repair had broken down. Adhesions can cause a lot of pain and I certainly got all this for many months. I had some laser surgery on them which helped.
I would advise not thinking too far ahead and just getting the CT done and then go from there? I presume you have had internal meshing on the hernia site? Hopefully there will be answers tomorrow. I hope you have been advised as to pain relief so avoid lifting and look after yourself until you know more? xx
Such an awful thing to be going through just before Christmas. I hope you get answers soon. Xxx
Glad you've had some replies now :)
Thanks everyone. I'm really beside myself.
Pulsia - No mesh. The hernia was so small that my surgeon repaired it with a permanent stitch during my hysterectomy. I presume if it's failed I'll need mesh this time, which also gives me anxiety because I know it can cause more complications.
Scass - I keep worrying about getting the presents ready for my 7 year old. She's so excited and I feel so terrible that I'm in such a bad place. Also, my father in law was dying of cancer during Christmas a few years ago and so there is just a lot of bad memories with Christmas and hospitals. The last two years have been so horrible and we were going to finally see my family again this year. And now omicron is here and I might need surgery. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. But of course that's what anxiety does to us.
Erin, at this stage you are just having a CT scan. Even if you do need another repair would it be done over Christmas? With such a small hernia?
I'm not sure, Pulsia. It's the pain that worries me. I lived with the original one for 3 years but I never had any pain. It seems when it starts to hurt is when it becomes more urgent. But I am trying not to overthink. I'm crossing my figures is maybe just scar tissue changing or stretching out or something. I have so much fear and trauma around surgery (first emergency surgery in 2011 and then having to gave my hysterectomy during Covid). It's just so hard for me to remain calm and rational when I have abdominal pain - its always led to surgery.
I'm not sure, Pulsia. It's the pain that worries me. I lived with the original one for 3 years but I never had any pain. It seems when it starts to hurt is when it becomes more urgent. But I am trying not to overthink. I'm crossing my figures is maybe just scar tissue changing or stretching out or something. I have so much fear and trauma around surgery (first emergency surgery in 2011 and then having to gave my hysterectomy during Covid). It's just so hard for me to remain calm and rational when I have abdominal pain - its always led to surgery.
But maybe not this time. What have you been told to take for the pain?
I haven't taken anything because right before this I had a horrendous bout of GERD, so I'm afraid to take any nsaids. I'm also hoping in the back of my mind maybe this is a gastro thing like an ulser and I'll just need meds. But I don't want to take any pain stuff yet. The pain is only there when I touch the area or stretch out my torso/move too quickly. So for now it's manageable.
I'm in the waiting room drinking the barium. It's like a big gulp size drink. Ugh.
I hate the barium big gulp. Hang in there. Sending hugs!!!
Thanks! Scans went fine. They said 1-2 days for results so I guess it's not an emergency. I'm hoping to hear sooner since my doctor know how worried I am and because this was early in the day.
I'm sure he'll get back to you very soon. I hope the news is reassuring and that you can breathe a sigh of relief and go ahead with your Christmas. Doesn't sound as if there was anything urgent on the scans but your doctor is the expert here. Don't worry if you are constipated after the barium..It's normal. Also you will pass white stools for a while! Drink as much water as you can to flush it through!
Glad the scans went well.
Look, if it wasn’t this, it would be something else that would cause you stress over Christmas. You have been through so much and you will again.
A few years ago I had a pelvic MRI 4 days before Christmas, and all was well. It’s done now, there’s nothing else you can do but distract yourself with getting Christmas ready.
Also, your guilt is your feeling. She couldn’t care less, she’s getting presents xx
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Thanks, Scass. The imaging place has emailed me all the images with no report! So, of course it's very hard not to agonize over them. I'm going to force myself not to look again. There's something going on there, but I had major surgery through the area so it wouldn't look perfect. The pain is so nagging and so reminiscent of before my surgery which is just super upsetting and triggering.
I am trying to just keep calm knowing that with barium and contrast if there was anything life threatening - like an obstruction or something it would have shown up and they'd tell me. I just wish the pain would improve a bit. So much of my anxiety is around dying and not being here with my daughter, so I actually get sadder and more anxious when she's snuggled up with me and when I think about Christmas, etc... It's so hard.
You have to wait for your doctor to get back to you. You can't interpret scans. I'm sure you'll hear something today so please don't jump to worse case scenarios? Anxiety can heighten pain perception.
Just hang on for your doctor?
Thanks, Scass. The imaging place has emailed me all the images with no report! So, of course it's very hard not to agonize over them. I'm going to force myself not to look again. There's something going on there, but I had major surgery through the area so it wouldn't look perfect. The pain is so nagging and so reminiscent of before my surgery which is just super upsetting and triggering.
I am trying to just keep calm knowing that with barium and contrast if there was anything life threatening - like an obstruction or something it would have shown up and they'd tell me. I just wish the pain would improve a bit. So much of my anxiety is around dying and not being here with my daughter, so I actually get sadder and more anxious when she's snuggled up with me and when I think about Christmas, etc... It's so hard.
It’s so hard, I know. But try not to let yourself go down those horrible anxious thought paths, they aren’t your reality, they are just your thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts.
But big hugs anyway because some things are so hard xx
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It’s so hard, I know. But try not to let yourself go down those horrible anxious thought paths, they aren’t your reality, they are just your thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts.
But big hugs anyway because some things are so hard xx
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm trying. I called the radiology place and they said they don't know when the report will be ready - 1-3 business days. Three days is Christmas Eve. I know I can't wait that long and will have to go to the ER if I don't hear soon. I really want to avoid that but I can't do many more nights of this anxiety. It's too much.
I'm sure a report would be ready a lot sooner if something urgent had shown up. Don't you think this too?
I'm sure a report would be ready a lot sooner if something urgent had shown up. Don't you think this too?
I assume it would, yea. But either way I'm still in this paid - now onto day 4 - and Christmas is coming. I've not been in such a state in a very, very long time and I'm really unsure how to handle it. It's all down to PTSD from my emergency surgery a decade ago and then having to go through major surgery alone during Covid. I'm sure I'm blowing it out of proportion, but my mind just can't escape it. I feel if I don't get some response today I'm going to have to go to the hospital to get some answers. But, I really don't want to be exposed to Covid. I'm in a dreadful, dreadful place right now that I just can't get out of.
So result came in - of course after my doctor's office closed. I have a 3cm umbilical hernia with just some fat tissue in it. Everything else was normal. But, that's bigger than it was before my repair surgery. I lived with my previous hernia for a long time but this one is now pretty painful, so if the pain doesn't pass I'll have to have it fixed. It's inconceivable that I'm facing another surgery less than a year after my last one. I'm relieved it's nothing more serious that requires emergency surgery today but damn it. What shit timing.
I hope you manage to speak to your doctor today so that you can talk about a treatment plan and how to manage the pain. I'm glad it's not an emergency but if you are advised to have surgery then I'm sure you'll have a mesh repair this time. I haven't had complications from mine and my hernia was large.
Thanks, Pulsia. I haven't heard from my primary care yet but I messaged the surgeon who did my hysterectomy and original repair (and who was the only one who thought the hernia was back before the CT) and she was very kind and wrote back reassuring words. The anxiety has mostly passed but I'm just left with an overwhelming depression. I know it sounds stupid because it's not a serious diagnosis, but I spent more than 3 years in pain with my previous hernia and fibroids. Partly because I was afraid of surgery and partly because I was about to start law school when I finally found out what was causing my pain. Law school was like my dream. It's the mentally healthiest I'd been in years. Then my fibroids start growing, there's a pandemic, I have to take a semester off to have major surgey, and finally we're back to in person school and once again I get one "normal" semester and now once again I'm facing pain and another surgery. I have worked so hard to catch up. And if my pain doesn't improve I'll either being trudging through school in pain once again or I'll have to take another semester off for this surgery because I'll just miss too much to manage if I try to have it during the semester. I'm just so so so exhausted by life just crushing me as soon as I feel like I've gotten back on track. I hate feeling sorry for myself but I really do today. This was a hard semester and I was so looking forward to this break and a joyful stress-free Christmas. I just want a freaking break. I was a stay at home mom for 6 years. I could have had all the surgeries I needed, I could have quarantined to my hearts content. But nothing happens until I finally decide to do something for myself. I'm so over it.
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