Can't eat, Can't sleep, think I have become psychotic

[Greeneyed]

Hi Guys,

Well I am writing this after a week of hell, I suffer from PAs, OCD, Anxiety and Health anxiety, I can usually manage them all okay but the last three weeks I seem to have gone in to free fall. I have been suffering from depression then my bladder problems started again, I could not cope with them at all, crying all the time, worry depression, obsessive anxious thoughts etc, however everytime my symptoms abated I would feel okay (this usually happens once the symtoms go my logical mind returns and I realise all my thoughs were anxiety.

However this week everything has change my bladder has calmed down however I am left with what feels like insanity and I feel I cannot go on. I am trapped inside my own head the incessat chatter us saying that I need hospitalisation, I am psychotic, I am having a nervous breakdown etc etc, I feel as if I am not really in my own body and operating on automatic pilot. I am not getting a moments peace from this, all my usual methods such as hot bath, going for a walk, distraction, positive thoughts etc are not working. I cannot sleep or eat and feel as if this is a nervous breakdown.

My husband is off work today and taking me to the docs where I am going to ask for some sedation but I fear this will never go away.

I have suffered with my problems for years but this feels like something else that no amount of CBT etc could even begin to tackle. Has anyone else been through this - will I get better? Will drugs help?

Sorry for such a negative post, I would really welcome any thoughts or reassurance

Love Greeneyed xx

[joannap]

hi - this sounds to me like pure anxiety thoughts. if you were insane - you would not be able to post such a logical description of what you are going through! it sounds as if your worst fear is hospitalization and that is what your anxiety is playing on - hence the thoughts. i live with this mind chatter to some degree all the time and when my anxiety is at its worst i get awful thoughts like - why don;t you just kill yourself - even though i am not suicidal at all. the fact that these thoughts terrify me shows me that it is my anxiety playing on my fears and i don;t give them much attention now. the more you focus on this mind chatter - the louder it gets.

it is a horrible feeling to be a prisoner of your mind - i have had my thoughts shout so loud i thought i was going over the edge but it is just anxiety. why not just let the thoughts be there - answer them with so what? as long as you let them frighten you they will continue to shout. i am sure when your panic level comes down the thoughts will gradually quieten.

[joannap]

ps - anti depressants usually help but my thoughts shouted even louder when i first started on them if that was possible - i didn't get a seconds peace for 2 weeks before it slowly started to get better! shows that it doesn;t lead to madness though as i am still somewhat sane!

[joannap]

ps - i also went 2 weeks with only a few hrs sleep a night and had no appetite either. you will be fine - just try and calm down. xx

[Greeneyed]

Thanks Joanne, your reply means a lot. it helps to know that others have felt the same and gone on to feel better, at the moment it really feels as if I have lost my mind forever x

[joannap]

you have DEFINITELY not lost your mind - you are very much sane. i remember rushing to the doctors once telling them i thought i was going mad. the sensible doctor took one look at me and said - if you were going mad you would not be sat in front of me talking to me in a logical rather somewhat panicked manner and sent me home! its just anxiety!!!!

[Greeneyed]

Thanks Joanna,

I have suffered anxiety, OCD for years etc however this just feels like another level, like a really bad trip that is never going to stop. I have always been proactive and successful in managing my anxiety however this seems way outside of my control and it does feel like insanity I cannot stop the chatter at all and it is difficult to sit down or do anything. this goes beyond my scope of experience so it is hard for me to tell myself it will go away as there seems no end. Hence visiting the docs for some sedation or something.

Thanks again for your reply, it has reassured me a little x

[u0000998]

Hi there

Thought I/d reply to you to try and give you some support. I have had GAD abd depression on and off for years. AT times I have NO symptoms at all and live life to the full and enjoy it. I am currently though going through a really bad patch the same as you. I feel so agitated I feel almost hytserical at times and think I cannot get over this - this is the wrost I have been ever -OMG etc etc.

I used tgo worry about being mad but don't now - think it would have happened by now if I was ever going to go mad. I worry now that I feel so low I will do something stupid to myself. Scares the hell out of me. Went to docs today and asked if I should go to hospital - crying -shaking etc - but apprently I am not bad enough and have acute anxiety.

Sorry - I was supposed to be cheering you up - but just to let you know you are not alone!!!!!!!!

Joanne

P>S. where are you from?

[Greeneyed]

Thanks Joane,

Sorry to hear you are also experiencing this. I have just returned from the docs and she has prescribed beta blockers and antidepressants. She told me in no uncertain terms that I am not going mad and I am not psychotic. It's just my anxiety and depression has reached a level that is not managable. I could accept that today as I am feeling a little more rational, if I had gone yesterday I would have found it hard to accept as I was sure I needed phychiatric care.

Woe this anxiety thing has suddenly got a whole lot scarier!

She promised me I would feel better and I have another appointment on Wednesday so I feel a little sense of relief now, it was the outcome I wanted, if I had been told to go away it's just anxiety I would have dispaired if she had said yes you are right you are psychotic and need to go to hospital then God knows....

I hope we both get some relief soon. We can get better that I feel confident about today.

Thanks again for your response.

Take care Greeneyed xx

[joannap]

hi greeneyed

glad the doc has put your mind at rest but really - if you were going insane - you would not know about it or worried that you were. it sounds like you have managed your anxiety/depression/ocd really well before - was it pretty mild? as i have been on and off antidepressants and beta blockers for over 10 years and have felt as bas as you are describing now 5-6 times during that period. i get the mind chatter pretty much constantly even when i feel well. i have had 10 yrs of mind racing so i think you can safely say you are not going insane!

just be aware that antidepressants can make some people feel even worse before they start to feel better. i have only been on citalopram for just over a month and the first 2 weeks were terrible. hope you feel better soon. x

[SarahSRE]

Hi Greeneyed

Glad you a teeny weeny bit better. Yes I agree with everyone else and the doctor it is acute and anxiety and nothing more. It's absolutely horrible isn't it and it's EXACTLY how I feel when I have it. The thing that helps me is trying not to add fuel to the fire. I learned this by reading the section on anxiety on the left of this page, also scroll to the bottom and click "When the Gloves Come Off" and also within that article you can access the hypnotherapists own website which is very good, have a look at CBT. The reason you feel like this is because of your thoughts. You then feel anxious which makes you have more thoughts which makes you feel more anxious. Now it takes time to get out of this cycle but it NEVER EVER lasts for ever so remember that. I've had it sooooo bad before but am getting better at managing it. It takes time and effort but I'm going to get there just like you are.

Love Sarah xxx

[Oceanblue]

Hi there,

Just wanted to say that I do know how you have been feeling too. On many occassions I have felt as though I've been going mad, but this was before I had been hospitalised and actually experienced this. The first time I spent in hospital was for 2 weeks, the second time was for 3 month's and sometime during this 2nd stay I became Psychotic. The difference is extreme, you are at times completely unaware of what you are saying and doing. You don't realise your state of mind at the time, and the things you see, think and feel that seem very real to you at that moment, are not actually in reality. (If this makes sense). Delusions, Hallucinations,... etc.

I'm glad you've had a chat with your doctor and he/she has prescribed you with medication that is suitable and will now help you.

Sleep is so important, try and rest as much as you can.

Take care of yourself and hope you feel much better soon.xx:flowers:

[Greeneyed]

Thanks everyone for your replies. In answer to your queries yes I have had OCD, anxiety etc for years and have managed it okay though at times it has been hard and I have had to spend my days pacing parks practicing mindfulness for days on end just to keep it together. I deal wih obsessive and intrusive thoughts daily, though in the main I accept them as part of my life. I am currently having a second course of CBT, though this is no longer helping as I am not well enough to use the therapy. I think the reason it has escalated so much this time is that I am suffering from depression which has been building for some months. I never had depression until this year and I think this has influenced my ablity to deal with the anxiety. I wouldn't have classed my problems as mild previously but yes they do feel mild in comparison to what I have been through the last few days. this has felt like an altered state, that I can only describe as like a bad trip (but without the halucinations!) and without the security that when the chemicals wear off it will end!

I feel a little better now but still only a moment away from going back there, very anxious and very down so I am cautious.

I do feel at the moment I will get better even if it takes a little time :)
Thanks everyone so much for taking the time to reply to me and making me feel better, it means a lot xx

[Greeneyed]

Just a quick upate for those kind enough to reply and to give a bit of reassurance to those in the same boat.

I am back on the planet now. I am still anxious and very down but I feel as if the "bad trip" has ended. For anyone who feels as if you have gone off the edge as I did, you can come back! I am still not eating properly but my sleep is better and hey I've lost a few pounds which isn't a bad thing :)

Boy what a scary experience, now back to the general suckiness of Anxiety and Depression but no longer feel trapped and insane and feel as if I have reinhabited the world and my own body, if anyone knows what I mean by this. :)

Now just one day at a time to start feeling better :) I hope I never go back there again!

Thanks everyone.