Severe fear and sadness, cannot stop crying

[Lana]

Hello, and Happy New Year to all. I have not been on the site for days (probably several weeks), but I obviously need your help, and words of comfort.

So, in the past three or four days I cannot stop crying, I cannot stop a feeling that I will die this year. I am extremely depressed, to say the least, and I am becoming sort of desperate, because I do not know how to stop this horrible feeling and fear.

I also think I am coming down with something, so now I "put two and two together", and I think I will get a bad case of covid and die. The feeling is so horrible, I cannot even explain it.

My husband and my 23 year old son, who is currently home, do not know how to help me. I also have had Fordyce spots on my lips, but now I think that I have more, and I am also scared of that (maybe they are something else). I am just asking for little help, if anyone knows, how to pull myself together and get rid of this. It truly is horrible, and I just cry, almost like grieving .... Please help , anyone, and thank you in advance.

[BlueIris]

Lana, feel free to message me if you want to chat? I know this can be a tough time of year.

[Carys]

Hi Lana,

You sound so terribly low, and its not nice to read knowing how desperate you are feeling. Can I ask whether you think anything has triggered this ? The last two years have drained each of us in some way or another and the pandemic alone would be enough, with its ongoing terror reports, to make anyone feel bad. What you are getting is clearly intrusive thoughts and they are affecting you badly as you are giving them credence. I think, as with any other instrusive thought, the key is in acceptance they are just 'thoughts and fears' and then distraction of the ultimate variety. The more you believe your intrusive thoughts, they more they will affect your behaviour, the sadder you will feel and the more you will withdraw. You certainly don't have the ability to have see the future ;) and so I think its time to reassure yourself that these are fears created from an anxious mind - then go and do some cooking, cleaning, walking and living. It will feel hard at first, but the more you fill your mind and act in normal ways despite the thoughts your mind is throwing up, the better you can feel.Another quick question ? (as it seems you are my age possibly) are you in menopause ?

[Lana]

Dear BlueIris & Carys,

Thank you so much for responding, for reaching out to me. I am not sure what exactly triggered this episode, but since I lost my mother more than a year ago, the death thoughts are , more or less, with me all the time. That was not my first loss of someone close to me, I lost my dad when I was about 30 years old, but nothing compares to me thinking about death and my own mortality like this time since I lost my mother.

No, I am not in menopause any longer, I am 60 , but I am in reasonably good health, and doing all my check ups on time. But, of course, I am no stranger to depression and severe anxiety... For some reason, though, it just hit me really hard this time. I definitely think this Covid thing has a lot to do with it, and I know I am not the only one who has had enough , and who is exhausted by the virus itself, but also the fear mongering about it....I do not know, but, again, thank you both so much. Yes, I will try hard to recognize this as intrusive thoughts that are nothing more than that. I simply have to, because, this feeling of despair is very, very unpleasant and hard to bear.

[Carys]

HI Lana, I'll PM you....


but I wanted to add here, maybe you are feeling true and legitimate grief ? I lost a family member during lockdown last Christmas, and I know I've not yet 'let everything out' and worked through the trauma of that event and the horrible situation surrounding it.

[Scass]

Hi Lana,

I sometimes get bouts of sadness and loneliness, particularly since my parents died. Some days (like yesterday) I just feel so low and unhappy. It does pass, I tend to find something to keep me busy. I’ve found keeping a journal helps, and I try and read every day, because books are my saving Grace. Do you have anything like that you could do?

Sending you a big virtual hug x


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[StephA]

Lana,
I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. It’s hard losing someone you’re so close too and this covid business certainly isn’t helping our mental health. My heart goes out to you. I’m having some bad anxiety about an issue I’m having too. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and send you a big ((((HUG)))! Hang in there.

[pulisa]

Hello Lana...I'm so sorry that you are in such distress. From the covid point of view I can see how frustrating it is to have our age group described as "vulnerable"/ "at risk" etc. It hardly helps with anxiety and I know the US is experiencing another big wave of cases again like us here in the UK..

I've had a pretty dreadful Xmas and New Year too. I think it's a bad time for many people and you are recently bereaved too...Losing your mum as you did will have been very traumatic. Trying to distract yourself when you are so low is really hard especially when you have no concentration or motivation. Do you have anyone you can talk to who you trust? xx

[Fishmanpa]

It couldn't hurt to reach out to SAMHSA (https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline) for some real time help. A voice on the other end of the line would be more comforting than words on a screen and could give you some real life resources and help.

FMP

[Lana]

Guys, all of you, thank you so, so much. There are some truly wonderful people here, on the Forum, and when I feel that I am at my lowest, I come here. You proved so many times this is a good place to find some comfort.

Fishmanpa, I definitely will check SAMHSA, thank you so much.