I haven’t been here in 5 years. Past childhood embarrassment

[dancerja77]

I was doing so well. I was taking Prozac, it was really helping, and then I stopped. I thought I was cured. I don’t think I am.

I just had a memory pop up in my head of me being in like maybe 12-14 years old using my family members electric tooth brushes to masturbate because I was a kid and had the craziest sex drive ever, and now I was to jump off a cliff. I’m almost 30 now and I’m so disgusted at that. How / why did I do that? I hate myself. I know I can’t judge my past mistakes on current feelings but I just feel so guilty. I feel like I need to confess, but it won’t change what I did and will definitely be awkward to share. I just wish I could take it back, I have obsessive tendencies where my anxiety is relieved by confession, and then the cycle starts again, so I know I just need to forgive myself and get over this. Please tell me I’m not the only one who did something incredibly stupid and gross like this.

[Lencoboy]

Don't beat yourself up over what you did at the age of 12-14 with regards toothbrushes used as masturbation aids.

I did very similar things both at that age, and throughout my childhood as a whole, whilst not with toothbrushes per se, but with other objects that some may consider extremely bizarre/oddball, but luckily never came to any harm in any way, in the sense that I never grew up to be a paedophile or a rapist, and never had or have any desire or intention of being such a nutjob of a person.

I won't name the objects/items I used to use as it's private and personal to me and not really the done thing on here, but I'm sure your parents won't lose sleep now over what you did with their toothbrushes all those years back, as it's water under the bridge, and of course didn't involve any paedophilia, etc.

[Catkins]

Honestly don't worry about it. What you did was out of natural curiosity and doesn't mean a thing. In fact I remember seeing a while ago an attachment you could get to put on an electric toothbrush specifically for the purposes of pleasure, so for someone to have designed it it means a lot of people were already doing it and someone saw a way to make some money.

I understand the urge to confess things, when I was a lot younger I did experience similar at times, one that particularly springs to mind is the night before my husband and I actually got together, I spent the night with my previous boyfriend (I was 19). For years I felt terribly guilty about this and to be honest I felt a bit of a loose woman, spending the night with two different men on consecutive nights. It literally ate away at me for years until I eventually confessed to my husband (we still weren't married then), he wasn't bothered in the slightest, we weren't together at the time so it didn't matter at all. But the anxiety I felt about it and the guilt I felt was incredibly hard to deal with.

There are a myriad of things that I could have, over the years, felt exactly the same way about. But what helped me was talking to a counsellor and learning to accept myself more. When we're young we all experiment, we all make mistakes. It's part of living.

I must point out I still make mistakes and I expect I will continue do so for the rest of my life, but now I am a little better about not giving myself a hard time.

[Lencoboy]

Honestly don't worry about it. What you did was out of natural curiosity and doesn't mean a thing. In fact I remember seeing a while ago an attachment you could get to put on an electric toothbrush specifically for the purposes of pleasure, so for someone to have designed it it means a lot of people were already doing it and someone saw a way to make some money.

I understand the urge to confess things, when I was a lot younger I did experience similar at times, one that particularly springs to mind is the night before my husband and I actually got together, I spent the night with my previous boyfriend (I was 19). For years I felt terribly guilty about this and to be honest I felt a bit of a loose woman, spending the night with two different men on consecutive nights. It literally ate away at me for years until I eventually confessed to my husband (we still weren't married then), he wasn't bothered in the slightest, we weren't together at the time so it didn't matter at all. But the anxiety I felt about it and the guilt I felt was incredibly hard to deal with.

There are a myriad of things that I could have, over the years, felt exactly the same way about. But what helped me was talking to a counsellor and learning to accept myself more. When we're young we all experiment, we all make mistakes. It's part of living.

I must point out I still make mistakes and I expect I will continue do so for the rest of my life, but now I am a little better about not giving myself a hard time.

Spot on Catkins.

Without getting too embroiled in this issue, I reckon most people have 'played with themselves' as children, but before the 90s especially, such activities during childhood were rarely ever discussed, given their highly controversial and taboo nature, which no doubt often resulted in many kids keeping schtum about it.

[Catkins]

I agree. It's a perfectly natural part of development, fortunately I think it's more accepted now.

[Lencoboy]

I agree. It's a perfectly natural part of development, fortunately I think it's more accepted now.

I agree.

But unfortunately there still remains a few hoity-toity prudes who perceive it as some depraved and sinister activity.

But always times and places for it obviously.

[Dancerja7777777]

Thanks, what I feel most guilty about is how disgusting that is that they brushed their teeth with the same object, I just can’t get over than and feeling the need to confess :(

[Lencoboy]

Thanks, what I feel most guilty about is how disgusting that is that they brushed their teeth with the same object, I just can’t get over than and feeling the need to confess :(

Don't worry about it now, it's way in the past. And those who used the toothbrushes straight after what you did to them obviously weren't damaged by it all.

[NoraB]

Spot on Catkins.

Without getting too embroiled in this issue, I reckon most people have 'played with themselves' as children, but before the 90s especially, such activities during childhood were rarely ever discussed, given their highly controversial and taboo nature, which no doubt often resulted in many kids keeping schtum about it.

Everybody has a fiddle. It's normal. I've spent many a contented hour fiddling....:yesyes:

[NoraB]

I agree.

But unfortunately there still remains a few hoity-toity prudes who perceive it as some depraved and sinister activity.

Don't you believe it! As soon as the house is clear, it's on with the rubber suit and a liberal dusting of Johnson's talc to avoid chafe. :)

[Dancerja7777777]

I reckon, but I still feel like a horrible person, like I poisoned them or am some type of freak. I have no idea how they’d react if I told them, but it probably doesn’t make sense to admit to it, it was over 15 years ago. I might need to get medicated for this.

[NoraB]

I reckon, but I still feel like a horrible person, like I poisoned them or am some type of freak. I have no idea how they’d react if I told them, but it probably doesn’t make sense to admit to it, it was over 15 years ago. I might need to get medicated for this.

They'd most likely have no idea what you're talking about, or they'd laugh and tell you to stop being such a daft bugger..

But, you have OCD (I have OCD) so I understand that your mind will go a certain way. You're not a freak; you have a mental health condition. My OCD (presently) isn't a problem; it's low-level, but it has been a very big problem in the past. Working on my health anxiety had a knock-on effect on my OCD (they are connected), so I am able to challenge all intrusive thoughts. I still have them, but I don't 'run with them' or allow them to consume me as I have done in the past..

I do think you need professional help, but medication only goes so far. I suggest that you also need therapy in order to learn how to challenge these irrational thoughts..

[Pkstracy]

Maybe this will help, anytime I want to confess something, because of my ocd, I write a letter as if I am writing to that person , I don't give it to them, and I confess it all, then I fold it up and either tuck it away in a box that I keep hidden, or I burn it, or tear it up into small pieces and throw it away bury it. It helps a lot.