elliesun
11-02-22, 15:18
Hi guys,
I posted a really long time ago and never thought I'd be back.
2 years ago, during the lockdown, I became very aware of my bladder. I panicked and convicned myself I had a UTI. Got antibiotics but turned out negative. Cue googling for hours every day and discovering interstitial cystitis. I spent days and days reading reddit forums about people who had this, their lives were over. So was mine, I'd be getting a catheter and living in misery for the rest of my life and all my family would be fed up of me and my partner would leave me. I ended up in hospital and when there, my symptoms eased.
To cut it short, it reappears every now and then but never as severe as that first episode of worry. I've had numerous UTI tests, urine cultured, 2 bladder ultrasounds. Apparently I am healthy. At my worst, I would time myself between needing to urinate and not let myself go if it was less than 3 hours because I read on google that 'norrmal' people urinate every 3-4 hours. I was so hyperaware of my bladder that I could feel a sensation in it. As soon as even a little bit of urine went in, I could feel it and I spiralled over it. My urethra would sting only after urinating, but I was told this was likely BV or thrush which I am prone to.
I started my new dream job last August and have been great since. Even times I would go to the toilet and remark to myself that I wasn't constantly focused on it. I was able to go when I needed, do it, then leave and have a happy life. The health anxiety was gone. I was working, having fun with friends, family and partner and living a normal life.
Being off work in December, I fell out of routine. Staying up to 5am, waking at 3pm. One night, I couldn't sleep and began thinking of my bladder. BOOM. It's all came back. Days spent too afraid to move, focusing on my bladder and urination, too scared to sleep. Constant panic attacks. I decided to get back to work and was surprised that it had eased.
When I'm working, I forget all about it for the most part. Sometimes it pops into my head 'wow you haven't thought about this all day!' and I feel normal. However, as soon as I'm back home, I find myself with time to think about it. Weekends are hard because I have so much free time. I am still convinced there is something wrong, that is is Interstitial Cystitis. There can't be anything else and my life is over at the young age of 25.
However, the rational part of my brain says that this cannot be any illness or interstitial cystitis because I forget about it when working or distracted. I also am fine when sleeping.
I have started CBT and am hoping this will help but I just want someone else to reassure me for the last time.
My question is - if there was something wrong with my bladder that had been missed on ultrasounds etc, it wouldn't go away would it? Does the fact I feel better when distracted point to this being anxiety?
I posted a really long time ago and never thought I'd be back.
2 years ago, during the lockdown, I became very aware of my bladder. I panicked and convicned myself I had a UTI. Got antibiotics but turned out negative. Cue googling for hours every day and discovering interstitial cystitis. I spent days and days reading reddit forums about people who had this, their lives were over. So was mine, I'd be getting a catheter and living in misery for the rest of my life and all my family would be fed up of me and my partner would leave me. I ended up in hospital and when there, my symptoms eased.
To cut it short, it reappears every now and then but never as severe as that first episode of worry. I've had numerous UTI tests, urine cultured, 2 bladder ultrasounds. Apparently I am healthy. At my worst, I would time myself between needing to urinate and not let myself go if it was less than 3 hours because I read on google that 'norrmal' people urinate every 3-4 hours. I was so hyperaware of my bladder that I could feel a sensation in it. As soon as even a little bit of urine went in, I could feel it and I spiralled over it. My urethra would sting only after urinating, but I was told this was likely BV or thrush which I am prone to.
I started my new dream job last August and have been great since. Even times I would go to the toilet and remark to myself that I wasn't constantly focused on it. I was able to go when I needed, do it, then leave and have a happy life. The health anxiety was gone. I was working, having fun with friends, family and partner and living a normal life.
Being off work in December, I fell out of routine. Staying up to 5am, waking at 3pm. One night, I couldn't sleep and began thinking of my bladder. BOOM. It's all came back. Days spent too afraid to move, focusing on my bladder and urination, too scared to sleep. Constant panic attacks. I decided to get back to work and was surprised that it had eased.
When I'm working, I forget all about it for the most part. Sometimes it pops into my head 'wow you haven't thought about this all day!' and I feel normal. However, as soon as I'm back home, I find myself with time to think about it. Weekends are hard because I have so much free time. I am still convinced there is something wrong, that is is Interstitial Cystitis. There can't be anything else and my life is over at the young age of 25.
However, the rational part of my brain says that this cannot be any illness or interstitial cystitis because I forget about it when working or distracted. I also am fine when sleeping.
I have started CBT and am hoping this will help but I just want someone else to reassure me for the last time.
My question is - if there was something wrong with my bladder that had been missed on ultrasounds etc, it wouldn't go away would it? Does the fact I feel better when distracted point to this being anxiety?