View Full Version : I’m such an idiot ! Smokers post
Can’t sleep tonight I’m very busy with some good old fashioned self loathing. Basically I caught the covid (dreadful would not recommend) and I stopped my 15-18 fag a day habit because I felt so unwell. After 4 days of being poorly I got abit better where I thought I could potentially smoke now but I knew I had done the hard initial few days and got off relatively lightly cravings wise. I have not smoked for 25 days ! Every single day I have thought of smoking and haven’t. I have crunched bags and bags of mint imperials. I think I have thought about smoking so much because I hadn’t quit by making a conscious decision if that makes sense. Anyway past few days have been horrible and I have I’m sad to say smoked. It started as half a cig now today Iv had 3. Have I stated a habit off again or could I try and call this a blip and start again. Will I have those initial fierce cravings ? I can’t believe myself 32 years old and still smoking. I curse the older girl who gave me a fag behind the science block and made me smoke it ! Those bloody year 11s picking on us yr9s 🤣 anyway I digress. So my other worry that is sending me mental is this. I (obviously) have health anxiety. Mine is cardiac, brain, lung and blood clot centred. So my doctor referred me to cardiologist to draw a line under my fears. I went to see him last week he was a very pleasant fella he didn’t actually check my heart he just said as I had an echo done when my son was a tiny baby he was reassured by that as ur heart doesn’t structurally change. He gave me a quick ecg and said all was normal. He did give me one thing called a zioxt patch it’s like an ecg monitor but it’s very small and sticks just below ur collarbone and records cardiac events for up to 2 weeks. I haven’t had even a palpitation for weeks. Anyway as soon as I put the patch on it felt very itchy it got worse and worse I managed to keep it on for 3 days before I had to peel it off and good job I did as my skin underneath round where the edges of the patch. Where was red, shiny and blistering. The day I took it off later on that night I had the cig. Well the past few days Iv been quite anxious. For the past few hours Iv got this irritating sharp pain in my ribs below my left breast, I’m sure a lot of you have felt it the sharp pain when you breath in. Now has the very few cigarettes caused all this ? Where my lungs not recovered from covid I’m concerned about and the cigs have irritated them. Obviously my old fear is lurking is that pain my heart. As I have had a good upswing on my chest symptoms the past few days and Iv took that stupid patch off so the cardiologist won’t even be able to see them. What do you lot make of this? Am I just being insane ? Is it something I should speak to GP about? I’m trying to be rational but as we all know it’s difficult 🤣anyone have some sensible suggestions or similar experiences ? I do not want to go off on the deep end over something that’s very likely to be silly x
Sar, you seem to be a "brass tacks" sort of person, so I will tell it to you very straight, too.
It sounds to me like you are creating a familiar unpleasant mental feeling/scenario (HA) to distract yourself from feeling or having to deal with an unfamiliar mental feeling/scenario (guilt or disappointment over not 'fully quitting' cigs?)
I read your post above as nothing but good news. You broke a habit for 25 full days. That's amazing. You absolutely *can* try again, and you should, not in spite of your failure, but because of it...
...as once you've failed you know exactly what failure feels like. It is no longer scary.
What IS scary? Never trying again, or putting off trying again.
Cheering you on.
I'm a smoker and honestly, you did incredibly well not smoking for such a length of time. Everyone is entitled to a little slip up, it's not a failure.
I gave up smoking in the same way you did. It’s been 9 years now, and you can definitely do it again. Well done!
Re the other stuff, you confused me a bit, but I think it’s best to speak with the specialist about it!
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Sar, you seem to be a "brass tacks" sort of person, so I will tell it to you very straight, too.
It sounds to me like you are creating a familiar unpleasant mental feeling/scenario (HA) to distract yourself from feeling or having to deal with an unfamiliar mental feeling/scenario (guilt or disappointment over not 'fully quitting' cigs?)
I read your post above as nothing but good news. You broke a habit for 25 full days. That's amazing. You absolutely *can* try again, and you should, not in spite of your failure, but because of it...
...as once you've failed you know exactly what failure feels like. It is no longer scary.
What IS scary? Never trying again, or putting off trying again.
Cheering you on.
I completely agree with kylikki's interpretation of how you are feeling with the emphasis on "creating" the familiar HA scenario as you struggle with yourself over your perceived "failure" to resist the lure of nicotine. I think you've done incredibly well to do 25 days cold turkey. You can try again when you are mentally stronger and fully recovered from Covid? Also it's harder for you as you are an exhausted carer ....but not impossible. Dont beat yourself up about this and recognise the HA episode for what it is? x
Alright guys, thanks as ever for the support it’s much appreciated. What kylikki said deffo has merit I could potentially be creating something to focus my worry on as a distraction. I have never thought of it that way ! You know what, I do in times of stress tend to start going nuts thinking I have blood clots 🤣 holidays are so fun for my partner with me and my delusions, because I’m separated from my car and usually end up walking miles with the family and then obviously my calves get really sore because I am a lazy git at home and I then convince myself that it is DVT. 🤣 it’s a pretty predictable pattern tbh. I have had one cig today I haven’t actually bought any just pinched them off partner as and when. He’s really unhappy about me cracking although I don’t see him attempting to quit. I’m going to give myself a quit day and then start afresh. You know what though I cannot keep chewing all these mints they are giving me a bad stomach. I have been told to get a vape but I know this sounds an oxymoron because I will happily smoke a cigarette but I’m to scared to smoke a vape my HA won’t let me 🙄 nicotine gum is foul plus for me it’s sort of something to do with my hands if that makes sense. How are all you lovely people today anyway ? X
My sister has smoked heavily since she was 16 and has no interest in giving up although she has cut down to about 10 a day now. She would overeat if she couldn't smoke and also needs something to do with her hands if she isn't smoking. I think the power of nicotine is much undermined in terms of its addictive properties but smoking itself mimics breathing exercises to calm anxiety so it's not surprising that people reach for a cigarette when very stressed.
My sister has smoked heavily since she was 16 and has no interest in giving up although she has cut down to about 10 a day now. She would overeat if she couldn't smoke and also needs something to do with her hands if she isn't smoking. I think the power of nicotine is much undermined in terms of its addictive properties but smoking itself mimics breathing exercises to calm anxiety so it's not surprising that people reach for a cigarette when very stressed.
Well that’s me Iv been scoffing my face for the past 25 days. As I’m already a big overweight now at 5,2 and 11stone it’s quickly become a problem. Honestly I have dreams of being 9 and half stone with muscled legs. Instead of looking like a sausage roll on legs 🤣thing is if I smoke getting into fitness is hard for lack of puff although I actually think it’s stamina rather than lung function and if I don’t smoke I’m hideously over eating. Everyone keeps telling me to get a vape but I have honestly read some funky stories now where I don’t trust them xx
glassgirlw
23-02-22, 00:14
For what it’s worth I used a vape to quit smoking. Unfortunately pretty sure I’m now just hooked on the vape instead lol. I do think if you decide to transition to vaping it’s important to find a reputable shop and do your research. I’ve been vaping probably three or so years now, no cigs. So it does work, and I do feel loads better breathing wise. But I never intended it to be a permanent thing. Hopefully I can either wean off these or just cold Turkey it when I’m ready. Right now I’m too focused on weight loss so I’m afraid quitting vaping will curtail that progress.
MyNameIsTerry
23-02-22, 06:46
Two pronged attack: vape with some CBD. :biggrin:
I just want to say I think you have done really well to go that long cold turkey. You can do it.
People often think quiting is all about the first month but a lot is about the months to come. It can take a long time to get out of that automated habit of reaching for one when you wake, after a meal or when stressed. This is what my dad said.
He quit earlier in life for a short time but restarted. In his mid 60s he found himself with a minor (unconnected) skin cancer due to working in the sun all his life. It was sitting in the waiting room with some less fortunate that hit him. Then he gave up permanently and it's been about 12 years now. He cycled it down over months which he previously found got him to 6 a day before he started again.
He found his hands wanted a ciggie even when his brain didn't. You probably know that feeling. It went on for years and he found you end up twiddling pens or busy your hands some other way. The nicotine may be gone bit the subconscious has a load of programming, like any habit, that needs discarding.
Just build up with exercise. Walking is a good start. Don't worry about intense stuff. If cardio is difficult there is always weight training. Add some muscle and you will burn more calories everyday anyway as well as increase your base metabolic burn. And forget these silly quiting adverts that show them all running marathons and climbing Everest a month after quiting. You can spend years training to that standard if you want to but the impression those adverts give is BS. My dad was fitter, as a smoker, in his late fifties than the 20-somethings in my office wheezing their way up a flight of stairs. But then he had a hard physical job. Those ads always remind me of the pain rub ones where one minute they're all but bed ridden and the next doing cartwheels :roflmao: if only, but a lot of doctors might be out of a job :winks:
Well that’s me Iv been scoffing my face for the past 25 days. As I’m already a big overweight now at 5,2 and 11stone it’s quickly become a problem. Honestly I have dreams of being 9 and half stone with muscled legs. Instead of looking like a sausage roll on legs 藍thing is if I smoke getting into fitness is hard for lack of puff although I actually think it’s stamina rather than lung function and if I don’t smoke I’m hideously over eating. Everyone keeps telling me to get a vape but I have honestly read some funky stories now where I don’t trust them xx
My sister's GP told her that she would be better off health-wise by cutting down but not stopping completely as her weight and BP just soared when she tried to quit completely. She's never had any smoking -related health problems and is in her early seventies.x
Heather1234
23-02-22, 13:13
For what its worth, you did amazing!! You still are. I just caved a few weeks ago because of HA. Really, because of me, but HA is my excuse. Anyhow, we can both quit for good. We know its whats best. Im using patches & prayer. Hugs!!
Alright guys, thanks as ever for the support it’s much appreciated. What kylikki said deffo has merit I could potentially be creating something to focus my worry on as a distraction. I have never thought of it that way ! You know what, I do in times of stress tend to start going nuts thinking I have blood clots 藍 holidays are so fun for my partner with me and my delusions, because I’m separated from my car and usually end up walking miles with the family and then obviously my calves get really sore because I am a lazy git at home and I then convince myself that it is DVT. 藍 it’s a pretty predictable pattern tbh. I have had one cig today I haven’t actually bought any just pinched them off partner as and when. He’s really unhappy about me cracking although I don’t see him attempting to quit. I’m going to give myself a quit day and then start afresh. You know what though I cannot keep chewing all these mints they are giving me a bad stomach. I have been told to get a vape but I know this sounds an oxymoron because I will happily smoke a cigarette but I’m to scared to smoke a vape my HA won’t let me nicotine gum is foul plus for me it’s sort of something to do with my hands if that makes sense. How are all you lovely people today anyway ? X
You can do it, Sar!! I have faith in you overcoming both your smoking and your HA thinking.
Your note about blood clot fears at the holidays resonates, that's when I had my first and only DVT fear, too -- but that was 7 or 8 years ago now and hilariously I learned DVTS are really boring and almost never fatal even if they progress to PEs.
Not nearly exciting enough for my HA :roflmao: I'm stuck on neurological disorders now instead, even though I'm pretty sure I my real issues are orthopedic and run in my family.
Learning to challenge the "automatic" and "OCD" part of my thinking has helped dramatically, though. I too use my HA to deflect from other unpleasant thinking or stress.
If it's keeping your hands busy that you want... do you knit, crochet, sew, etc.? or even just play games on your phone, or doodle?
Fibercrafting keeps my hands good and busy and hence quiets my brain down.
Wishing you all the best!
Edit to fix typo
Two pronged attack: vape with some CBD. :biggrin:
I just want to say I think you have done really well to go that long cold turkey. You can do it.
People often think quiting is all about the first month but a lot is about the months to come. It can take a long time to get out of that automated habit of reaching for one when you wake, after a meal or when stressed. This is what my dad said.
He quit earlier in life for a short time but restarted. In his mid 60s he found himself with a minor (unconnected) skin cancer due to working in the sun all his life. It was sitting in the waiting room with some less fortunate that hit him. Then he gave up permanently and it's been about 12 years now. He cycled it down over months which he previously found got him to 6 a day before he started again.
He found his hands wanted a ciggie even when his brain didn't. You probably know that feeling. It went on for years and he found you end up twiddling pens or busy your hands some other way. The nicotine may be gone bit the subconscious has a load of programming, like any habit, that needs discarding.
Just build up with exercise. Walking is a good start. Don't worry about intense stuff. If cardio is difficult there is always weight training. Add some muscle and you will burn more calories everyday anyway as well as increase your base metabolic burn. And forget these silly quiting adverts that show them all running marathons and climbing Everest a month after quiting. You can spend years training to that standard if you want to but the impression those adverts give is BS. My dad was fitter, as a smoker, in his late fifties than the 20-somethings in my office wheezing their way up a flight of stairs. But then he had a hard physical job. Those ads always remind me of the pain rub ones where one minute they're all but bed ridden and the next doing cartwheels :roflmao: if only, but a lot of doctors might be out of a job :winks: hi Terry I would love to get all chillaxed on the cbd but Iv found after several years of heavy weed use it now brings on horrific panic attacks even a bloody puff it. It’s most annoying I am in a circle of smokers and I can’t ever participate. Your i dad is right you have sort of automatic cig times and then u have to find something to replace it and usually the only thing as ‘rewarding’ as a cig is food. Hence why I think a lot of smoke quitters stuff their faces and fidgit. That’s what I’m going to do some walking and weights I couldn’t do anything intense anyway I would collapse into a heap of quivering lard 🤣🤣🤣
For what it’s worth I used a vape to quit smoking. Unfortunately pretty sure I’m now just hooked on the vape instead lol. I do think if you decide to transition to vaping it’s important to find a reputable shop and do your research. I’ve been vaping probably three or so years now, no cigs. So it does work, and I do feel loads better breathing wise. But I never intended it to be a permanent thing. Hopefully I can either wean off these or just cold Turkey it when I’m ready. Right now I’m too focused on weight loss so I’m afraid quitting vaping will curtail that progress.
See that would be me if I got on a vape. Still puffing away on it till well into my dotage 🤣 so ur lungs feel better on it than cigs? I read about popcorn lung and the occasional story about people having some random body packing up incident after smoking them and it’s freaked me out abit x
For what its worth, you did amazing!! You still are. I just caved a few weeks ago because of HA. Really, because of me, but HA is my excuse. Anyhow, we can both quit for good. We know its whats best. Im using patches & prayer. Hugs!!
Thanks Heather ! I like that patches and prayer 🤣 I hope u succeed. I might have to send my partner to live somewhere else when I next try to quit. I seem to spend a worrying amount of time plotting his demise when I’m craving a cigarette and he’s there being highly irritating. Xx
You can do it, Sar!! I have faith in you overcoming both your smoking and your HA thinking.
Your note about blood clot fears at the holidays resonates, that's when I had my first and only DVT fear, too -- but that was 7 or 8 years ago now and hilariously I learned DVTS are really boring and almost never fatal even if they progress to PEs.
Not nearly exciting enough for my HA :roflmao: I'm stuck on neurological disorders now instead, even though I'm pretty sure I my real issues are orthopedic and run in my family.
Learning to challenge the "automatic" and "OCD" part of my thinking has helped dramatically, though. I too use my HA to deflect from other unpleasant thinking or stress.
If it's keeping your hands busy that you want... do you knit, crochet, sew, etc.? or even just play games on your phone, or doodle?
Fibercrafting keeps my hands good and busy and hence quiets my brain down.
Wishing you all the best!
Edit to fix typo
Are they boring and almost never fatal ? As I have never had one (despite my many suspicions) to be fair my usual suspects for HA are the sudden death types, you know boom you have just popped off your perch with no warning. Stuff like cardiac stuff, brain, lung ect. I know a lot of people fear ms and things like that it’s never been a particular worry of mine. Although I suppose it would just be another one to add to the list anyway 🤷🏻*♀️ U know what the main problems my family have are mental health issues (shock) and drug and alcohol problems. I have my dad who’s had a few breakdowns, depression in the past. Brother is a paranoid skitzophrenic (I can’t spell it for life of me) 2 sisters with quite severe anxiety issues also. And quite a bit of autism ! One of my brothers has aortic valve disease and so did grandmother that died at 40 but unsure if it’s genetic and my brother doesn’t care to investigate it and dad was to young to remember the details. My mum is actually adopted, her biological family are riddled with cancer but they are a big family of smokers and drinkers and generally unhealthy people. Actually if I’m honest my mums bio mum sickens me. Best thing that ever happened to my mum being adopted by my lovely nan and grandad ❤️ I don’t knit or sew or anything like that to be honest that’s not a bad idea… you are just full of helpful suggestions aren’t you. I’m quite a good sewer actually I wonder if could do a tapestry ? I remember my mum doing them when I was little.
glassgirlw
25-02-22, 00:24
See that would be me if I got on a vape. Still puffing away on it till well into my dotage 藍 so ur lungs feel better on it than cigs? I read about popcorn lung and the occasional story about people having some random body packing up incident after smoking them and it’s freaked me out abit x
I for sure breathe way easier now than on cigs, yes. Don’t have that horrible cough every morning that I used to have. Don’t get winded going up and down stairs, or walking the shops. So I feel like they are a lesser evil than cigs but I also feel we’re not meant to inhale things other than air, so I’m sure they’ll find some negatives about them eventually. Hence why I’d eventually like to quit it all lol. They got somewhat of a bad rap in the media there for awhile. The popcorn lung thing was found to be the prefilled weed cartridges which I don’t use anyway. I fill my own cartridges as needed. They aren’t without risk - but cigarettes aren’t either. I chose what I felt was the “healthier” (lol) option and I do feel loads better than when I smoked.
I for sure breathe way easier now than on cigs, yes. Don’t have that horrible cough every morning that I used to have. Don’t get winded going up and down stairs, or walking the shops. So I feel like they are a lesser evil than cigs but I also feel we’re not meant to inhale things other than air, so I’m sure they’ll find some negatives about them eventually. Hence why I’d eventually like to quit it all lol. They got somewhat of a bad rap in the media there for awhile. The popcorn lung thing was found to be the prefilled weed cartridges which I don’t use anyway. I fill my own cartridges as needed. They aren’t without risk - but cigarettes aren’t either. I chose what I felt was the “healthier” (lol) option and I do feel loads better than when I smoked. hi yeah I get you. I will really consider it. Won’t lie Iv smoked a fair bit today about 8-9 cigs. Filled with anxiety watching the Ukrainian invasion. X
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-22, 07:20
Sar, my dad ended up a Polo Pacman :roflmao:
Write today off as a wobble. A lesson learned. Don't kick yourself, anxiety wants that to reinforce it's reason to exist. Start tomorrow afresh and see what happens.
Sar, my dad ended up a Polo Pacman :roflmao:
Write today off as a wobble. A lesson learned. Don't kick yourself, anxiety wants that to reinforce it's reason to exist. Start tomorrow afresh and see what happens.
Well that has been with mint imperials my teeth will end up crumbling off them 🤣 you know what the anxiety for the war is how far is putin gonna go with these people. People are saying he’s a nutter I refer to him as one but the facts are he isn’t. However he is determined to go down in history books the old bugger. I wish he would just get taken out by a swat team… however who knows what would happen then with the power vacuum over there. It’s a dreadful state of affairs isn’t it. I took myself off to bed at 7.30pm and have only just woken up at 9 🤣 xx
Yet old Putin is terrified of omicron....Pity the Queen can't pay him a surprise visit! :D
Yet there still must be ways and means to infiltrate his covid bubble..Just find his weak spot and recruit from amongst the disaffected.
Yet old Putin is terrified of omicron....Pity the Queen can't pay him a surprise visit! :D
Yet there still must be ways and means to infiltrate his covid bubble..Just find his weak spot and recruit from amongst the disaffected.
My bets is if you put smelly old putin in a boxing ring with Queen lizzy she would come out victorious… they just don’t make them like that anymore 🤣 someone deffo needs to send at least a good old d&v virus his way to put him out of action for a few days the big toad 🧐
Do you reckon he's "on the spectrum" with a hefty dose of psychosis?
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-22, 14:48
Can't the queen send him a gift box or something and cough inside it before wrapping? A payback for Salisbury?
Can't the queen send him a gift box or something and cough inside it before wrapping? A payback for Salisbury?
Should just send him an English muffin laced in arsenic. Would be a fitting end to the slimy little toad. What is he compensating for I wonder with all this military force 🤣
Do you reckon he's "on the spectrum" with a hefty dose of psychosis?
I think he could very possibly actually be on the spectrum. He seems to have a lot of what you would call classical symptoms. In regards to psychosis he deffo has that. My partner pointed out when you have lived such a terrible life as him no wonder he sees assassinations and plots everywhere.
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-22, 17:19
Should just send him an English muffin laced in arsenic. Would be a fitting end to the slimy little toad. What is he compensating for I wonder with all this military force ��
Did you ever see that photo of him bare chested on his horse? :roflmao:
Did you ever see that photo of him bare chested on his horse? :roflmao:
Oh my god yes !!! He was clearly aiming for some kind of napoleon vibe the wet lettuce. (I believe they are around the same height also) he’s always posing himself being so incredibly manly isn’t he 🤣🤣 we all know his testicles where utterly crushed in that saddle on he probably needed a step to mount and dismount. He’s such an turd.
Yes..a Poo-tin of a "man"..if you can call him that.
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-22, 18:07
Someone should paintshop him onto a big pink unicorn.
I did see a sort of Brokeback Mountain version with a bare chested Trump on the back with his arms around him :emot-puke:
Yes..a Poo-tin of a "man"..if you can call him that.
He does really have a ‘drying’ effect doesn’t he 🤮🤣
Someone should paintshop him onto a big pink unicorn.
I did see a sort of Brokeback Mountain version with a bare chested Trump on the back with his arms around him :emot-puke:
Ahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣 u know what no matter how much he subliminally threatens us you can never make a Brit lose their sense of humour. He’s become a thing of mockery on all social medias I have seen today. The memes have been amazing !
Someone should paintshop him onto a big pink unicorn.
I did see a sort of Brokeback Mountain version with a bare chested Trump on the back with his arms around him :emot-puke:
Sort of Rootin' and Tootin' with Putin?
glassgirlw
27-02-22, 03:17
Sort of Rootin' and Tootin' with Putin?
literally just spit water all over myself.
Im off to find a new shirt. :roflmao:
MyNameIsTerry
27-02-22, 07:58
Sort of Rootin' and Tootin' with Putin?
:biggrin:
Just to clarify...Trump was on the back of the horse, not Vlad.
Trump strikes me more a receiver where as Putin is a giver. Probably known as "Vlad the impaler" amongst some of the guards at the Kremlin...:whistles:
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