jude
12-02-05, 20:51
Hello everyone,
I wanted to write this post here because it feels like a success to me, if only a small one.
After months of wondering what this awful fear is of, what this terrible dread is that comes over me is all for, Why I want to 'jump' out of myself, I have finally worked it out.
This may sound to you like Im stupid but I have realised that the fear is of the illness itself.
I am scared of the illness. The dread is the realisation that I have to face it. The needing to to jump out of myself is just the need to escape how I am feeling. Like I want to be a person without this illness, not me.
This realisation has helped me to cope.
Maybe other people realise this from the beginning, I dont know. Maybe Im a bit slow on the uptake or something, but I feel as though my mind has been shrouded in a cloak, and I have just had it lifted for a while so I can make sense of this muddle.
So I feel like its a sucess story.
I also want to thank you all for your help these past few weeks. I dont know what I would have done without you. You have helped me to make sense of it all. I know I am not cured, and will need you all for a long time yet, but hope this is a step in the right direction.
Jude x
I wanted to write this post here because it feels like a success to me, if only a small one.
After months of wondering what this awful fear is of, what this terrible dread is that comes over me is all for, Why I want to 'jump' out of myself, I have finally worked it out.
This may sound to you like Im stupid but I have realised that the fear is of the illness itself.
I am scared of the illness. The dread is the realisation that I have to face it. The needing to to jump out of myself is just the need to escape how I am feeling. Like I want to be a person without this illness, not me.
This realisation has helped me to cope.
Maybe other people realise this from the beginning, I dont know. Maybe Im a bit slow on the uptake or something, but I feel as though my mind has been shrouded in a cloak, and I have just had it lifted for a while so I can make sense of this muddle.
So I feel like its a sucess story.
I also want to thank you all for your help these past few weeks. I dont know what I would have done without you. You have helped me to make sense of it all. I know I am not cured, and will need you all for a long time yet, but hope this is a step in the right direction.
Jude x