Anxious about Hen Party Weekend - Advice needed 😪

[Kendra]

Hi hope everyone are doing ok?

Been a while since my last post. Not because I've been doing well like but hey ho.

I am at my step daughters hen weekend next week for 2 nights about 40 minutes away from home.

I am so anxious and worried i am going to be anxious and panic and want to come home.

I have barely been or done anything since before lockdown and just wanted to know if anyone had any advice if they are the same about travelling and being away from home? This is a new thing to add to the millions of other things i avoid and dont do anymore.

I need to sort this out because eventually I'm not going to leave the bloomin house.

Anxiety just keeps adding things onto itself.

Any advice or help would be truly appreciated.

Thanks

Kendra xx

[Catkins]

I have felt like this before. Now if I go anywhere I prepare before hand, this involves taking enough of my own things with me so I can have a kind of mini home from home I.e. books, headphones for my phone so I can do some guided meditation when I'm away, snacks (I sometimes worry that I might feel wobbly if I haven't got anything to eat) that kind of thing. Also making sure I have some time away from hustle and bustle just to relax on my own (this can just be going to bed before everyone else so I can switch off for a while).

Sometimes I need them, sometimes I don't. I would also recommend not drinking. I know that might not be so easy on a hen weekend, but feeling anxious and being drunk/having a hangover isn't a good combination for me. Sometimes I can drink and that's fine, but sometimes I don't feel settled enough to do so.

Yesterday I went on a staff leaving do in a nearby city. I went on the train, had everything I might possibly need in my handbag and access to the train times on my phone so I could leave when I'd had enough.

It was fine and I even enjoyed myself. Yes I left before quite a few of the others, but I wasn't the first to go. I didn't drink like a fish, just had a couple of fruity ciders and that was enough for me. A few months ago I was in a place where a shorter time of socialising was more comfortable and I didn't drink at all.

Do what makes you feel comfortable and safe. A few years ago I was due to go away for two nights, I was in an incredibly stressful position in my life and knew that 2 nights away, drinking etc was too much for me, so I went for one night and one day and I was fine with that.

Hope this helps a bit.

[pulisa]

That's a very helpful post, Catkins. I always think quality not quantity of time spent away from home and there's no point setting yourself up to fail if you expect too much of yourself. You're in control of what you do, Kendra so you must do what suits you and don't feel that you "have" to do anything you don't feel happy or calm about.

[Kendra]

Thank you both for replying. I have spoken with my step daughter about it and she understands if i don't go.
Im still anxious and trying to fight it but its so hard.
I avoid so many things. I think i will just see how i feel Friday morning when i wake up.
Im having talking therapy so hopefully in the future I won't feel this anxious the next time. Xx

[pulisa]

Anticipatory anxiety is the bugbear of us all on here! I think it's a good idea to try to stop thinking about the weekend until you actually get to Friday and then see how you feel?

Your stepdaughter understands and if you decide not to go then it won't ruin her weekend so you don't need to feel "guilty". It sounds like it would be a major challenge for you anyway and maybe gentler steps should be made first? See what your therapist suggests? It's always good to have support and advice when you're trying to manage anxiety so that you don't feel so isolated and "stuck".

The pandemic has made everything harder and I certainly have got out of the habit of challenging my anxiety. I'm going on an overnight trip tomorrow with my daughter and am anxious about it but will try my best to actually enjoy it!!:D That's far less of a challenge than a hen party weekend so please don't feel that you shouldn't be feeling this way about going?!

[Darksky]

I tend to agree that it’s a big amount of time for you atm. Couldn’t you just do maybe one day and and an evening. Then have some prearranged ‘reason’ to excuse yourself. One that your step daughter is aware of.

I like what I call baby steps. I’m not a fan of chucking myself in the deep end. Because if somethings too big and you fail it can knock your confidence somewhat. But small victories add up to big ones.

[Kendra]

Thank you for all your kind replies. It really helps having someone who understands.
At the minute im doing all the girlie things i would usually do before going away but the anxiety is saying you wont do it whats the point.
My therapist said its a very big leap from what exposure therapy ive been doun. (only just managed to go to a shop by myself the last week or so 😪.
I have thought about breaking it up a bit maybe one night/day but im so embarrassed by the way i am id worry about getting away if i managed it.
I will see what tomorrow brings.
I am so grateful for your replies. Thank you 😘😘

[pulisa]

Why jeopardise the significant progress you have made by taking on too much too soon? Remember what your therapist has said?

Would you actually like to go if things were different and you could go and really enjoy yourself?

[Kendra]

Yeah i would. I feel like ive lost myself so much through having anxiety. I dont go abroad anymore, barely drive, go far from home. Its just built up and here i am.
I must admit i dont think a big drinking binge would help me right now either.
I just know im going to be upset over the weekend because i haven't gone.
BUT is that better than going and pushing me over the edge? Most likely yes. Thanks for listening to me rabble on 😊

[Kendra]

I hope you had a lovely time away with your daughter ❤️

[pulisa]

There's your answer, Kendra.

Work towards getting that spontaneous enjoyment back. Build up your confidence slowly but surely by small "victories" which are anything but small when you're trying to manage anxiety. Expand your world again at your own pace and don't feel guilty if you feel certain challenges are just too much to take on.

[pulisa]

I hope you had a lovely time away with your daughter ❤️

Thanks! I managed to survive unscathed but glad to be home now!:D