~S~
13-02-05, 11:09
Hi Guys
I found this website a few days ago, Ive been in the chat room and spoken to a few of you, I just wanted to tell you (and thank you) you have all helped me so much in the last few days!!! This is my first post and after speaking to a few of you I thought it was about time to ‘introduce myself’.
I first suffered from Anxiety/PA’s when I was 16 which I think was caused by the worry of leaving school, (which college course to choose, what job I wanted to do etc etc….) Luckily once I had left school my PA’s went and I never thought about it again.
I lived life to the max, (did stuff that I loved doing but which is impossible nowadays) I had fantastic holidays abroad, went shopping to loads of different shopping centres and clubbing to different clubs around the UK, had great boyfriends, basically I had a fab life …….that was until about 2 years ago….
I got myself into a very bad relationship, the guy was very possessive and I felt very claustrophobic and was unable to do anything without asking him first, I remember I went to Tesco’s once and he called me 20 times on my mobile because he didn’t know where I was and he was convinced I was cheating on him!! He put so much pressure on me! …
Anyway I was in the relationship about a year before I finally felt strong enough to leave, it took a lot of courage to leave that day, he had really brought me down and slowly without me realising it had taken away every bit of confidence I had ever had!.
I had really hit rock bottom, I felt like I had no life, I was feeling sick all the time, panicky when I had to go out (even to the local shop/pub), worrying I was going to faint, be sick, and that horrible feeling of not really being there and as though the stuff around me is not really happening. My mum didn’t know what was going on with me as I kept saying to her that I wanted to kill myself (seemed like the best way out - I thought I was mad!) It amazes me to look back over the last two years of how I have changed as a person and how this guy brought me down so much! I think anxiety was always there, but he triggered it off again.
Anyway I am pleased to say I finally got myself together after a year of every weekend sitting in my room depressed and worrying about my not to be future. The first time I went to the shopping centre was hell, I only stayed an hour then came home - but I had done it - I had taken the first step to recovery and I was still alive - much to my brain telling me I wasn’t going to live through it!
I also got a dreaded letter delivered to my in-tray at work inviting me to a course, which my manager said would be excellent for a few of us to go on, luckily the course wasn’t too far away but it meant going on ‘THE MOTORWAY‘…. A big, big problem for me as there is ‘no escape’ anyway I thought this illness is not going to ruin my career so I went - I cannot describe to you how I felt that day (guess I don’t need to really), it was bad…. I am lucky that I can hide my anxiety really well and no one would have guessed that I was sitting there feeling so ill, (needless to say I learnt nothing on the course - but I did learn that I am still the strong person I used to be 2 years ago - I had faced the motorway and had been more than 30 minutes from my ‘safe place’ home!).
I know that I am not completely recovered as every time I do go out I get the horrible feelings, but I try to ignore them (easier said than done) and most weekends I manage to get out to the local shopping centre (as long as I have my car with me and car keys safely zipped up in my pocket), I still have problems going further than half an hour from my house though so I am really limited with the stuff I can do.
I hadn’t told any of my friends about how I feel, but after speaking to you guys I got the courage to tell my friend yesterday about all my symptoms and to my amazement she said she gets it a bit too! Not as bad as I get it though, it doesn’t stop her doing things like it does me. She guessed there was something wrong with me as I only wanted to go
I found this website a few days ago, Ive been in the chat room and spoken to a few of you, I just wanted to tell you (and thank you) you have all helped me so much in the last few days!!! This is my first post and after speaking to a few of you I thought it was about time to ‘introduce myself’.
I first suffered from Anxiety/PA’s when I was 16 which I think was caused by the worry of leaving school, (which college course to choose, what job I wanted to do etc etc….) Luckily once I had left school my PA’s went and I never thought about it again.
I lived life to the max, (did stuff that I loved doing but which is impossible nowadays) I had fantastic holidays abroad, went shopping to loads of different shopping centres and clubbing to different clubs around the UK, had great boyfriends, basically I had a fab life …….that was until about 2 years ago….
I got myself into a very bad relationship, the guy was very possessive and I felt very claustrophobic and was unable to do anything without asking him first, I remember I went to Tesco’s once and he called me 20 times on my mobile because he didn’t know where I was and he was convinced I was cheating on him!! He put so much pressure on me! …
Anyway I was in the relationship about a year before I finally felt strong enough to leave, it took a lot of courage to leave that day, he had really brought me down and slowly without me realising it had taken away every bit of confidence I had ever had!.
I had really hit rock bottom, I felt like I had no life, I was feeling sick all the time, panicky when I had to go out (even to the local shop/pub), worrying I was going to faint, be sick, and that horrible feeling of not really being there and as though the stuff around me is not really happening. My mum didn’t know what was going on with me as I kept saying to her that I wanted to kill myself (seemed like the best way out - I thought I was mad!) It amazes me to look back over the last two years of how I have changed as a person and how this guy brought me down so much! I think anxiety was always there, but he triggered it off again.
Anyway I am pleased to say I finally got myself together after a year of every weekend sitting in my room depressed and worrying about my not to be future. The first time I went to the shopping centre was hell, I only stayed an hour then came home - but I had done it - I had taken the first step to recovery and I was still alive - much to my brain telling me I wasn’t going to live through it!
I also got a dreaded letter delivered to my in-tray at work inviting me to a course, which my manager said would be excellent for a few of us to go on, luckily the course wasn’t too far away but it meant going on ‘THE MOTORWAY‘…. A big, big problem for me as there is ‘no escape’ anyway I thought this illness is not going to ruin my career so I went - I cannot describe to you how I felt that day (guess I don’t need to really), it was bad…. I am lucky that I can hide my anxiety really well and no one would have guessed that I was sitting there feeling so ill, (needless to say I learnt nothing on the course - but I did learn that I am still the strong person I used to be 2 years ago - I had faced the motorway and had been more than 30 minutes from my ‘safe place’ home!).
I know that I am not completely recovered as every time I do go out I get the horrible feelings, but I try to ignore them (easier said than done) and most weekends I manage to get out to the local shopping centre (as long as I have my car with me and car keys safely zipped up in my pocket), I still have problems going further than half an hour from my house though so I am really limited with the stuff I can do.
I hadn’t told any of my friends about how I feel, but after speaking to you guys I got the courage to tell my friend yesterday about all my symptoms and to my amazement she said she gets it a bit too! Not as bad as I get it though, it doesn’t stop her doing things like it does me. She guessed there was something wrong with me as I only wanted to go