My fear

[BlackLily]

I don't know why, but it's my daughter's school that makes me have a panic attack. Even thinking of going there sets me off. I was fine up til about 3 weeks ago & when I was almost there this huge panic attack happened. Ever since I have been scared to go there. It got so bad that this morning I couldn't even go through the door to take her there. I don#t have no one who could take her for me so she is missing loads of school cos of me. Her teacher's already want to talk to me cos of the time she has missed. She has missed about 3 weeks since she has started in September, 1 week because she was ill, the other 2 because of my panic attacks.

I was thinking of registering her with another school to overcome the problem, but if that doesn't solve the problem, what am I supposed to do??

I just feel like running away.

[jacq]

Hi Blacklily, I totally sympathise with you. 3 years ago my panic attacks got so bad that i left my kids at school and walked out of the playground, i never went back. As a result we had to move house and put the children in a new school which was terrible and made me feel so guilty but i just could not face going into the playground. We now live in a small village and the school is opposite my front door, we even have a lollipop lady who crosses the kids over so i just stand on the doorstep but i am so conditioned to feeling nervous about the school run that even that makes me anxious. I think the cause of my school anxiety was 2 things, firstly i was bullied at school and i worried that my children may suffer the same and all the bad feelings came back, and secondly i remember standing in the playground one day waiting for them to come out and they were a good 5 minutes late, as the time ticked by i started to feel more and more anxious and felt trapped as i knew i had to wait. This feeling got worse each day untill i was rushing in at the last minute to take them in and turning up at the last minute of an afternoon. When we moved schools i made a decision to be open with there school secretary and explain my situation, this took some of the pressure of didn't make me feel as bad if i couldn't attend open evenings or assemblies. Looking back the worse thing i could have done was avoid the situation and should have looked for a solution such as walking in with a friend or relative to distract me or aproaching the school to make arrangements to maybe take the kids in before it got busy and collect them a bit earlier, maybe this is the way you should go, i was suprised at how understanding the new school was and the school secretary even admitted that she suffered panic attacks and that she knew of other mothers the same. Good luck and try not to put too much pressure on yourself, it is understandable that we should still feel scared of what the teacher is going to say as they tend to talk to everyone as though they are a naughty child.

Jacq x

[BlackLily]

Thank you so much for replying. I understand everything you have said as it seems to be what it happening to me.

I got low self esteem so I haven't been able to make friends with any of the mother's at the school. I feel like they are judging me as, no word of a lie at the age of 23 I am the youngest mother at the school. I also have a 4 month old daughter so I think they are judging me for having 2 children at a young age.

I was also bullied at school. I find schools a threatening place to be. The thing is my daighter has made loads of friends and is quite popular so I know she isn't having the same problems as I had. She is more outgoing than I was at school age. Also, the worst thing is, all parents have to stand in teh school yard until their children's class have gone into the school so the standing around with loads of people make a panic attack come on.

I live a 10 minute walk from the school. To get there I have to walk down an alleyway at the side of the school. The further & further I go down this alleyway, the more anxious I feel. I have also left it til last minute to get to the school both to take my daughter & pick her up.

I even suggested to my boyfriend that we move area but we don't have the finances to move at the moment. Because things are getting so bad, I've been thinking of putting my daughter in the next nearest school, but I'd have to get a taxi there & back everyday. I don't care about the money I would have to spend going there & getting back.


Since the panic attacks started again because of the school, I have found that I can't go anywhere on my own, even to the local shop.

I feel like such a rubbish mother. I wish I could do more & go places without having to rely on other people.

I built up the courage finally to talk to my mother about it. She lives in Devon so we don't see each other & she told me to book a doctor's appointment as she wants me to get better.

[Bill]

Hi there,

Your panic attacks stopped because they weren’t troubling you. It only takes one bad experience (one off day) to start them off again because that one experience is enough to frighten you into thinking that they’ll happen each time thereafter and it’s that fear of them happening that then re-creates them each time.

The only way to stop them is to not let the fear of them happening make them happen by not allowing them to restrict you and carrying on as if you fell over that day.

If you go out thinking they’ll happen, they will! If you go out thinking “so what” if it happens again, it won’t!

You say you’ve suffered panics for the past 8 years but what is actually keeping them going is by retreating each time they happen. If you stay where you are, you will feel uncomfortable for a while but nothing will actually happen until the fear subsides. Once you achieve this, they won’t bother you anymore because you’ll have learnt not to be afraid of them. It’s your fear of them that makes them happen.:hugs:

[Krakers]

Hi Black - I know exactly how you feel.

My other half has to not only take my daughter to school, but also pick her up. This has happened since last year I was extremely anxious and was held back and called into the headmistresses office. It was almost unbearable. Not least, since they hadn't got the story right and my daughter hadn't actually done anything I'd disapprove of.

Since then, I've missed practically every school run. 2 weeks ago my other half was ill, so my daughter never went to school for a few days. We got a crappy letter off the school asking for explanations.

Funny thing is, 4 weeks before I collected my daughter and had an in depth conversation with her teacher about my condition. I asked for special dispensation to park on the (usually locked) car park, and explained it would help greatly.

I've yet to hear back despite being promised 1 week max. I'm going to follow it up next week, as I'd like to help out to the best of my abilities. Maybe her teacher wasn't listening, maybe the caretakeer wasn't happy opening up for me, but whatever the reason I intend to find out.

From everyone else I've spoken to they have always been most accomodating previously. Maybe your childs school could also help ? Even if its 5 minutes late in the morning, you miss all the other parents and your child still gets their day at school.

I know its hard, but have a think about any and all ways in which it would make it easier for you.

The only thing I will say is that avoidance isn't an option. It only solidifies our unreasonable beliefs to the point they're hard to break.

Have a think, then decide whats best for you both. Even if you have to go 20 mins after the end of school, you'll find most headmistresses there. If not make an appointment when you're conformtable.

Krakers.