View Full Version : Old timer, need some advice
Hi,
I used to post on here all the time about all sorts of stuff, my main obsession being mouth cancer. I wouldn't go the dentist beacuse of fear he'd say yes, that's what it is. I started meditation and managed to force myself there, said my mouth was perfectly healthy and to come back in 6 months. Great, victory! But I have the same issue now with my smear. I cant face it. I had mild changes years ago which was monitored, then got an all clear but to come back in a year. I didn't, I havent. So I'm about 3 years overdue for a checkup. So scared I've got cervical cancer. I need to go. Any advice to get my ars*e there?
Also freaking out my general health. I drank a lot after my dad died and have put on weight and am terrified of an impending stroke. But that doesn't stop me having a drink each night because it squashes my worries..
Hope everyone is OK and any advice so appreciated x
Medication** not meditation
Someone made an appointment for me to go the dentist, and drove me to it, and chucked me out of the car in front and drove off. It worked. Perhaps family or a trusted friend could do the same for you with the gyn? Also, definitely tell them your back story. Most gyns tend to be understanding about that sort of thing. Don't go back to anyone who shames you for it, for sure.
Hi,
But I have the same issue now with my smear. I cant face it. I had mild changes years ago which was monitored, then got an all clear but to come back in a year. I didn't, I havent. So I'm about 3 years overdue for a checkup. So scared I've got cervical cancer. I need to go. Any advice to get my ars*e there?
You faced the dentist so you can do this..
My mum had a smear that came back like yours but the next one was clear. These things happen, and more often than we think. HA always takes our minds to what we fear the most.
Phone up and make the appointment. Chances are that your previous smear will have been just 'one of these things' and you will be fine this time and reassured. If you don't go, this will continue to fuel the health anxiety.
Ask yourself what could you live with here. Not going, taking your chances, but living in fear? Or going and having your mind put at rest? The smear takes a matter of seconds and then it's done. 14 days and you know. It's a no brainer for me..
Also freaking out my general health. I drank a lot after my dad died and have put on weight and am terrified of an impending stroke. But that doesn't stop me having a drink each night because it squashes my worries..
General health & fitness can improved at any age. Maybe ask your GP for some help with losing weight? Re alcohol. Do you think you have an addiction? 'One' drink a night might not sound like one but of you can't go a day without a drink then it could be addiction and you could ask for help with this too?
If you improve your general health then that will be one less worry for you. And it's a biggy. You will feel better in body & mind so there is much to work for here..
I ask myself what the problem is. Then I ask myself if I can do anything about it. If the answer is yes, then I set about making those changes, and with help if I need it. If the answer is 'no, this can't be changed', then I need to work on accepting the situation and re-framing my thoughts..
Make the appointment for the smear. Don't think, just do it.
Just book it to start with.
Then maybe plan something nice to do straight after, and you’re not allowed the nice thing unless you have the smear.
My last 2 I was very nervous, so I told the nurse and she was amazing.
Thanks so much for the replies.
I went to the gym today for the first time in 2 years (maybe more), and loved it. Reminded me why I used to enjoy it so much and I'm going again tomorrow.
The drinking is a problem NoraB, yes. I've had a bottle of wine a night or more since my Dad died June 2020, first lockdown. Infact, it was 3 bottles, drinking first thing in the morning and all through the day. I've worked with a psychologist to get it down to 1 bottle, and I've been able to do my driving lessons and have my test next month. I've achieved a lot the past 6 months but its not enough. I qualified as an OT 2019, but since my dad passed I became my mums full time carer. I just feel I'm not achieving what I should be. I should be working but after this time off I find the idea terrifying. I also worry what will happen with my mum.
The smear test, I will book it tomorrow, but I am honestly terrified and convinced ill have C and won't cope.
How do I do it without going into meltdown. I fear waiting for results will result in more drinking and I've made such progress.
Thanks again x
Thanks so much for the replies.
I went to the gym today for the first time in 2 years (maybe more), and loved it. Reminded me why I used to enjoy it so much and I'm going again tomorrow.
Excellent!:yesyes:
The drinking is a problem NoraB, yes.
Good that you recognise this.
I've worked with a psychologist to get it down to 1 bottle, and I've been able to do my driving lessons and have my test next month. I've achieved a lot the past 6 months but its not enough.
Not enough? I don't see it that way at all. You've accomplished a hell of a lot in a a very short time. You should be proud of yourself! :shades:
The smear test, I will book it tomorrow, but I am honestly terrified and convinced ill have C and won't cope.
I know you're scared but you have no proof that you have cancer, only thoughts that you do (see my signature)
How do I do it without going into meltdown.
You challenge those thoughts and apply logic. Then you do something nice to distract yourself. On the day you have your smear, plan to go somewhere nice afterwards or treat yourself - even if it's a coffee in a cafe. Associate something nice with having the test. I do that will all of mine..
I fear waiting for results will result in more drinking and I've made such progress.
Try and distract yourself. Remind yourself how far you've come. Work on challenging those irrational thoughts. Spend as much time in the 'now' as you can as opposed to a fearfully imagined future. If you do end up drinking more than you should, consider it a mistake to learn from. You're human. It's not always the mistake that matters but our response. You've proved to yourself what you can do so keep that thought in mind instead of fearing something that might not even happen..
Remember, this is a situation that you can change. You are changing it.
Wow, thank you Nora, needed to read that today!
Seem to have caught a cold and missed the gym and feeling really down about it. I bottled ringing for the smear but I'm definitely going to tomorrow after reading your post. Thank you again xx
Try not to think you’re not doing enough! You had a parent die two months into a pandemic that’s still going on! We all have had our lives turned upside down and many are just surviving! It also is so easy to feel like because we’ve been out of whack for so long that we can’t do things anymore. I’ve been a stay at home mom and worked from home since 2014. I’m in law school now and just got hired for my first “real” job in nearly a decade! I’ve been so anxious about my ability to function in this setting, but after my first day of training I felt so empowered and energized! A lot of it is just doing it - everything seems scarier in our minds than in reality. The more you do the less scary it will all become.
I also always try to avoid using the word “should” about myself. You shouldn’t be doing anything in particular - you do what you do and what works for you right now. That’s all we can do! Don’t compare yourself to an imaginary version of yourself who didn’t just go through a traumatic several years!
Hi Erin,
So true and helpful to read. I think we do forget the impact the pandemic will have had on everyone, especially those who were already struggling. Congratulations on law school and starting a new job!! I hope to be able to get myself into something again soon. Like you say, it's this feeling of anxiety about it that stops me. I cant remember how to do a normal day! The smallest things take me a big run up and I just think wow, how would I cope being back at work. I often compare myself to my friends as well and think they must think I'm so strange not being at work. They're all married with kids, full time jobs. They know I care for my mum, but I often feel very self conscious and embarrassed what other people must think of me. Difficult mind set to try and recover from!
Losing my dad during the pandemic was and still is surreal, we weren't allowed to see him in his final days so it still just feels he was zapped out of the world out of the blue.
Thank you for your helpful reply xx
As Nora said, you are changing this. I've been here as long as you have and I've seen your journey through the years. There's a big difference in your posts from then until now and while yes, you do still struggle from time to time, the way you push through is noticeable and your contributions show the wisdom you've acquired through the years. This is just a blip in the big scheme of things and I know you have the inner fortitude to push through and continue on the healing journey.
FMP
Hi Erin,
So true and helpful to read. I think we do forget the impact the pandemic will have had on everyone, especially those who were already struggling. Congratulations on law school and starting a new job!! I hope to be able to get myself into something again soon. Like you say, it's this feeling of anxiety about it that stops me. I cant remember how to do a normal day! The smallest things take me a big run up and I just think wow, how would I cope being back at work. I often compare myself to my friends as well and think they must think I'm so strange not being at work. They're all married with kids, full time jobs. They know I care for my mum, but I often feel very self conscious and embarrassed what other people must think of me. Difficult mind set to try and recover from!
Losing my dad during the pandemic was and still is surreal, we weren't allowed to see him in his final days so it still just feels he was zapped out of the world out of the blue.
Thank you for your helpful reply xx
Please don't compare yourself to other people? I'm a carer too and it gives you different priorities and plenty of responsibilities which others may not be able to cope with. It's a hugely important job though although it's unpaid and comes without time off. I think you are doing incredibly well considering the trauma of losing your dad as you did. We all have our coping mechanisms..I certainly do. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to "achieve"? "Achieving" is not always just about material stuff and well paid jobs.
Fishman and pulisa, I was so emotional reading those replies. Its nice (and unusual) for me to have any positive comments about the stuff ive been battling.
You're right fishman, I have come a long way from where I was, I don't really think of it but I have. So it's nice to hear and read it. My partner (yes, the same one who's a bit of an a*se) tells me daily that I'm pathetic, get a job, stop drinking, get to the gym. And pulisa, he also laughs and says I'm not a carer, what do I do all day, I'm lazy. And I have to justify over and over that yes I am a carer. I don't know if he thinks being a carer means the person in question has to be completely disabled and unable to do anything for themselves? But that has greatly undermined me I think for a long time. Being a carer isn't easy, and as you said there is no day off. My day doesn't end until my mum goes to bed, because she has severe cognitive impairment, so she needs a lot of prompting to complete self care needs.
He also tells me that my recovery isn't enough, has even said how long are you going to grieve for, its been nearly 2 years. And I've had to tell him there is no time limit, I'm trying my hardest. He says these things in response to my drinking on an evening, it frustrates him. But honestly, from what it was to what it is now, I think I've done quite well so far on that front.
Just want to say thanks again for those messages, really means a lot to me.
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