I'm a mess and can't go on anymore

[FamilyPicnic]

I am a mess and I feel like I can't go on any more. I am upset and scared and depressed and have totally convinced myself that I have metastatic cancer. I have definite abdominal problems and this has been confirmed by the doctor (it's not anxiety). I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy and nothing terrible was found, therefore at the same time there also was no good solid reason found for my symptoms. The doctor has more or less forgotten about me after the clean scopes. There are other parts to the abdomen than just the colon and stomach and I am sure something has been missed because not everything was checked.

When I compare myself to the person I was 2 years ago I shudder. I barely leave the house, I talk to no one, I do nothing, my body hurts top to bottom, I am sickly looking, my entire abdomen hurts and it's difficult to bend over because of the discomfort that gives me. I know I need to go back to the doctor but I am terrified of what she will find. And I have seen too often, that doctors can be wrong, a test comes back negative so they say everything is fine and that's the end of it, when in reality something was missed or the doctor didn't do enough testing, etc. It happens over and over. I can easily list a dozen people I personally know (including myself) that this happened to. I want to be the person I once was but am afraid it's too late.

[Carnation]

Then you have to go back to the doctor familypicnic. Or get a second opinion. The fear of going is not going to be the torture you are putting yourself through now by feeling so down and negative. You need it confirmed one way or another. Then it can be dealt with. As it stands you feel neglected and losing your hope. x

[Scass]

Yes, like Carnation said, you need to go back to the doctor. The way you are being at the moment is uncomfortable, and so you should explain this to your doctor and ask to be referred for further abdominal tests.

We aren’t medically trained so we can’t guess what (if anything) is wrong with you. I think that you must have presented in a certain way which is why they did those tests, but perhaps it’s something else. What tests would you like them to do? Be strong and confident in advocating for yourself. Explain to them the way you did in your post. In fact print it out and hand it to them if you think it will help.

In the meantime, do what helps, maybe find some mindfulness/relaxation exercises to start to practice every day.

[Darksky]

I think really you should go back to doctor and ask for an ultrasound on your abdomen. They can then check your liver, gall bladder, kidneys etc.
My son had one recently for abdominal pain and came back with a prescription for a ppi So abdominal pain doesn’t always mean something bad is going on. Most times it’s something easily fixed.

But the only way you can find out and relieve this agony of doubt is to go back to see your doctor. Take a deep breath and dial that number.

[FamilyPicnic]

Logically I know that, yes, I need to go back to the doctor. And I actually did make an appointment but her first available isn't until the end of the summer. So I sit and wait for 4 months. I know, I know, call them and say I need to be seen sooner, ask to see someone else, go to urgent care, etc. I don't stand up well for myself in the doctor's office. When I'm blown off I just give up. Before I go to the appointment I have planned what I will say but it never goes as planned, my communication skills are not that good. Doctors come across with the "I am right" attitude and I feel so helpless and wrong with telling them maybe you aren't. And more than anything else I avoid going because I am so afraid of further testing and what it will show. I'm not an idiot, I know what I should do and what I should say, but for some reason I can't carry it through. (and I'm not going to take anyone with me to stand up for me)

[NoraB]

Logically I know that, yes, I need to go back to the doctor. And I actually did make an appointment but her first available isn't until the end of the summer. So I sit and wait for 4 months. I know, I know, call them and say I need to be seen sooner, ask to see someone else, go to urgent care, etc. I don't stand up well for myself in the doctor's office. When I'm blown off I just give up. Before I go to the appointment I have planned what I will say but it never goes as planned, my communication skills are not that good.

I have problems with verbal communication and that's why I write things down and give the sheet of paper to the doctor if I'm unable to speak as I need to. Or, I take somebody with me who will speak for me. There's always a solution..


Doctors come across with the "I am right" attitude and I feel so helpless and wrong with telling them maybe you aren't. And more than anything else I avoid going because I am so afraid of further testing and what it will show. I'm not an idiot, I know what I should do and what I should say, but for some reason I can't carry it through. (and I'm not going to take anyone with me to stand up for me)

You have a right to ask for a second opinion.

You mention looking 'sickly'? Anxiety alone can cause people to look pale & ill. This is because the fight or flight response is constantly being triggered and this (normal) response diverts blood away from the face and into the parts of the body that need it. Something for you to consider..

While you're waiting to see the doctor, why not do some detective work? Many people have food sensitivities & intolerances rather than allergies and these cause lots of symptoms including abdominal pain. I have an intolerance to gluten and dairy and numerous other foods. If I eat bread, I am in pain for days. Maybe keep a food diary and see if you can make any connections? It's worth doing while you wait to see your doctor..


And I have seen too often, that doctors can be wrong, a test comes back negative so they say everything is fine and that's the end of it, when in reality something was missed or the doctor didn't do enough testing, etc. It happens over and over. I can easily list a dozen people I personally know (including myself) that this happened to. I want to be the person I once was but am afraid it's too late.

Doctors are human too and all humans make mistakes sometimes. That said, one problem here is that - aside your own personal experience - you cannot know (for certain) the full circumstances of those other people you've mentioned. I once blamed the NHS for my dad's death (and two misdiagnoses) until I realised that he'd withheld a critical symptom from his doctor (and us) because he was too embarrassed to talk about it. He was able to talk about the non-embarrassing symptom that cropped up later, and the doctor - along with asking my dad was he did for a job- went with the obvious diagnosis. Yes. doctors get it wrong sometimes but we have a duty of care to ourselves to give them the correct information- no matter how embarrassing it might be. And to speak out when we're not satisfied. It's not a case of telling your doctor that he/she is wrong. What we can say is that we're not satisfied and would like further testing. Requesting an abdominal ultrasound for abdominal pain isn't an unreasonable request..

But, you're also afraid to get further testing done so how do you expect to get an answer if you don't go?

Go with what you can live with. If the answer is that you would prefer to be scared shitless over finding out what (if anything) is wrong then do nothing. Otherwise you know what you have to do. Make the call.

All the best.

[Elliejane44]

Do you have any family support? Could a family member or friend help with seeing a doctor. It is not acceptable to wait 4 months when you are in pain

Ellie

[FamilyPicnic]

There is no one I can take with me to the doctor, nor do I really want anyone in there for this appointment. Every day I tell myself I'll call the doctor for an appt "later today," and then when I haven't I say I'll call tomorrow. But I never do. Now I am also worried about lung cancer. I can't take this any longer. At every doctor visit I feel I'm blown off. I'm given prescriptions and otc remedies but nothing helps. Why don't doctors try to get to the root of the problem and fix that instead of treating the symptoms without knowing what is causing them? Why don't doctors test for cancer before it's too late?

I've gone through the elimination diet and have tried to figure out what if any are my sensitivities but am coming up with nothing. Several months ago I gave up gluten, chocolate, dairy, soy, eggs, corn in the hopes that would help, but it hasn't made a difference.

I know what I need to do, I just can't get myself to do it. :scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15:

[NoraB]

Every day I tell myself I'll call the doctor for an appt "later today," and then when I haven't I say I'll call tomorrow. But I never do.

Instead of telling yourself that you'll do it later, do it 'now'.


Now I am also worried about lung cancer.

Why?


Why don't doctors try to get to the root of the problem and fix that instead of treating the symptoms without knowing what is causing them? Why don't doctors test for cancer before it's too late?


I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy and nothing terrible was found

You have been tested.


I've gone through the elimination diet and have tried to figure out what if any are my sensitivities but am coming up with nothing. Several months ago I gave up gluten, chocolate, dairy, soy, eggs, corn in the hopes that would help, but it hasn't made a difference.

One thing I will say here is that it can be difficult to work out sensitivities when we are severely stressed so this may not be an entirely accurate picture for you. Also, it could be anything that you're sensitive to, not just what's obvious.

My list of definite allergies & sensitivities

Cheese
Milk
Chocolate
Citrus
Wheat
Corn
Barley
Dried fruit
Alcohol
Mushrooms
Coconut (means I can't eat cheese alternative :weep:)
Caffeine
Pulses
Mould
Grass
Beech
Numerous chemicals
MSG (this one put me in hospital)

Do you drink a lot of soda? You have to look at absolutely everything. Plus, when giving up those kinds of things it's possible you've been experiencing some withdrawal symptoms which will make you feel like crap.


I know what I need to do, I just can't get myself to do it. :scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15::scared15:

Yes you can. You tell yourself you are going to do it. Not later, or tomorrow, but now.

[ErinKC]

I agree with the others. Perhaps another option is to call the doctor and ask if they can send you a referral for an abdominal ultrasound in the meantime while you wait for your appointment. Say, “We did the endoscopy and colonoscopy and I’m still having the same symptoms. I’m working to do an elimination diet to try and pinpoint if it has something to do with diet, but I’d also like to rule out anything else that may present itself on an ultrasound.” If your doctor has a portal where you can send a message that would be even better!

You may also consider trying a different doctor. I’m not certain if you’re male or female, but if the latter maybe give your gyn a call and ask for an appointment to investigate abdominal pain. It may be easier to get an ultrasound through them.

And finally, anxiety can cause SO many abdominal issues. Our gut and brain are so connected. You also say the last two years - so all of the pandemic! It’s probably not an accident that your anxiety has built up over that period, you’ve been leaving the house less, etc.

[FamilyPicnic]

I finally called and made an appt and I'll be seeing one of the NP's next week. I am beyond terrified. I'm afraid it's too late. This is on my mind 100% of the time. Whatever is wrong with me is definitely not normal. It's not anxiety, that much I am sure of. And I highly doubt it's food related. I have eliminated so many things from my diet and it hasn't made a difference. In fact, I eat pretty darn healthy, no soda, very few sweets, high on the fruits and vegetables, no red meat, no dairy. My entire midsection in so uncomfortable, both front and back.

[FamilyPicnic]

You may also consider trying a different doctor. I’m not certain if you’re male or female, but if the latter maybe give your gyn a call and ask for an appointment to investigate abdominal pain. It may be easier to get an ultrasound through them.

I did have a pelvic us because I was afraid my problems are from ovarian cancer. That came out okay, except, they usually have problems seeing my ovaries because I have a "tortuous, redundant colon" which hides the ovaries. So even though I was told it's okay, something could have easily been hiding behind my intestines. Nothing is clear/simple/easy/black and white.

[FamilyPicnic]

The reason I think I have lung cancer is because I have symptoms of it and have been living in a house with asbestos for the last 20 years, not realizing how dangerous this is. Chest scan showed some kind of non-specific damage.