martingrcrim244
13-04-22, 16:13
Good Morning,
I am new to this forum and only found out about it after suffering from health anxiety for several years, post diagnosis of a serious blood disorder that is in remission and could still come back anytime, if not for regular monitoring by a hematologist.
Usually every month, I visit my hematologist for a CBC and CMP (Complete Metabolic Panel) this includes testing your kidney function and liver enzymes. I started to develop health anxiety about three years ago when my kidney levels would bounce around. I would go back to my doctor and get it tested again to confirm it had come down, then it would go up again. It drove me crazy for 3 years. About 2 years ago my liver enzymes went up above average a little bit, on the next test they had come down. Last year they went up again and came back down. The last time I had them tested was in July 2021 and they were elevated. My doctor wanted to check it again in October and I said no. Since then I have lived in fear that I have liver failure. It has affected every part of my life. I don't worry as much about my blood disorder, but am convinced I am dying of liver disease. I look up certain symptoms, such as red palms, terry's nails, check the bottom of my feet to see if they are yellow, etc. I am convinced I have the Terry's nails and red palms. My palms go red when resting on my desk at work and then turn to a more normal color in the day. My fingernails I think are turning white or have white lines across them. I constantly spend all my time googling the symptoms of liver failure, even if my bowel movement is a different color for days, I worry I am dying of it. I have to seek constant reassurance from my family and therapist. My family tells me, there is nothing wrong and I am fine. I am terrified of going to my GP for a liver or kidney test, so I avoid that blood work, because it would increase my anxiety to the point, I would probably have to be put in a mental hospital. I am on medication for depression and do not take anti-anxiety medication, because I do not want to get addicted to it.
My life consists of going to work, coming home and going to bed and googling my symptoms for hours on end till I can't sleep. Wake up and repeat. I do not find joy in doing things with my friends or family anymore because I am constantly worried about the next medical problem, even though I did have a serious disease I was diagnosed with and am being monitored for it with frequent blood work. I have to also deal with it, because it could come back at any time and put me in the hospital for several weeks.
I think having it started my health anxiety worries really bad. I have worked with my therapist on coping skills and medication with my psychiatrist. I just feel I can't take much more of it.
The only thing a mental hospital would do is, get my medication steady, have some group meetings to talk about your feelings and then they would send you out the door.
I just cling to God and pray every night for this to go away. I also have co-dependency issues with my parents, because they took care of me when I was sick 5 years ago. I am an only child and need to build my own life.
I know that this is a complex post and may be hard for some to understand. I just need some advice or positive messages, that I can keep on living.
I am new to this forum and only found out about it after suffering from health anxiety for several years, post diagnosis of a serious blood disorder that is in remission and could still come back anytime, if not for regular monitoring by a hematologist.
Usually every month, I visit my hematologist for a CBC and CMP (Complete Metabolic Panel) this includes testing your kidney function and liver enzymes. I started to develop health anxiety about three years ago when my kidney levels would bounce around. I would go back to my doctor and get it tested again to confirm it had come down, then it would go up again. It drove me crazy for 3 years. About 2 years ago my liver enzymes went up above average a little bit, on the next test they had come down. Last year they went up again and came back down. The last time I had them tested was in July 2021 and they were elevated. My doctor wanted to check it again in October and I said no. Since then I have lived in fear that I have liver failure. It has affected every part of my life. I don't worry as much about my blood disorder, but am convinced I am dying of liver disease. I look up certain symptoms, such as red palms, terry's nails, check the bottom of my feet to see if they are yellow, etc. I am convinced I have the Terry's nails and red palms. My palms go red when resting on my desk at work and then turn to a more normal color in the day. My fingernails I think are turning white or have white lines across them. I constantly spend all my time googling the symptoms of liver failure, even if my bowel movement is a different color for days, I worry I am dying of it. I have to seek constant reassurance from my family and therapist. My family tells me, there is nothing wrong and I am fine. I am terrified of going to my GP for a liver or kidney test, so I avoid that blood work, because it would increase my anxiety to the point, I would probably have to be put in a mental hospital. I am on medication for depression and do not take anti-anxiety medication, because I do not want to get addicted to it.
My life consists of going to work, coming home and going to bed and googling my symptoms for hours on end till I can't sleep. Wake up and repeat. I do not find joy in doing things with my friends or family anymore because I am constantly worried about the next medical problem, even though I did have a serious disease I was diagnosed with and am being monitored for it with frequent blood work. I have to also deal with it, because it could come back at any time and put me in the hospital for several weeks.
I think having it started my health anxiety worries really bad. I have worked with my therapist on coping skills and medication with my psychiatrist. I just feel I can't take much more of it.
The only thing a mental hospital would do is, get my medication steady, have some group meetings to talk about your feelings and then they would send you out the door.
I just cling to God and pray every night for this to go away. I also have co-dependency issues with my parents, because they took care of me when I was sick 5 years ago. I am an only child and need to build my own life.
I know that this is a complex post and may be hard for some to understand. I just need some advice or positive messages, that I can keep on living.