View Full Version : How to be rational when you don't know what is normal? I think my life is over.
Hi again guys.
Since 2020 I have had an on and off phobia about my bladder and I ended up very hypervigilant over this, monitoring how much I would pee and so on. This caused my first real big HA spike in years. I'm still struggling with HA as a result. However, I had moved on from this symptom and had even started drinking fizzy drinks again that I had deprived myself of because I was convinced I had interstitial cystitis and couldn't drink them.
I have a Mirena coil in and noticed some cramping last Friday. I ended up developing my first period in 7 years - clots and all! Cramps, blood, the works. It finally went away on Saturday/Sunday. I was working yesterday then at night, I had to pee 3 times within 3 hours - full pees as well! My partner commented on it which made me focus on it and now my fear is back. I tried to force myself to sleep early and woke up at 3am to use the bathroom.
I've been having a stressful time recently which is likely the cause, but I also thought perhaps my period returning has had an impact with water retention, hormones etc. However, I haven't had one in so long and I didn't have HA at the time I had them, so I cannot remember.
I'm trying so hard not to spiral again. I am exercising, staying busy, going to therapy etc but I can't seem to defeat my thought process that my life will be like that forever and I'll never enjoy anything again.
How can I be rational when I don't know what is normal for me?
Since 2020 I have had an on and off phobia about my bladder and I ended up very hypervigilant over this, monitoring how much I would pee and so on.
What started the phobia off?
Unfortunately, the need to urinate is part of the stress response (fight or flight) where the body naturally purges what will hinder us in getting ourselves away from danger. Hence this (normal) bodily response plays directly into this particular health anxiety fear.
I have a Mirena coil in and noticed some cramping last Friday. I ended up developing my first period in 7 years - clots and all! Cramps, blood, the works. It finally went away on Saturday/Sunday. I was working yesterday then at night, I had to pee 3 times within 3 hours - full pees as well! My partner commented on it which made me focus on it and now my fear is back. I tried to force myself to sleep early and woke up at 3am to use the bathroom.
I don't know how the coil works but I'd imagine that if you've had a full period after years of not having one, then the most likeliest reason is that it's no longer fitting properly?
How can I be rational when I don't know what is normal for me?
My 'normal' has changed more times than Madonna's reinvented herself. As we age, our bodies change. Stress, (and you know you're stressed) means that we're invariably in the sympathetic nervous response (fight or flight) and that causes all manner of symptoms, including urinary ones.
Get your coil checked and the doc will most likely test your wee as a matter of routine. But you do need to understand that hypervigilance with your bladder equals urinary stress symptoms and chronic stress equals hypersensitivity makes this a longer-term symptom. It's biology. You need to address your stress levels. Everything else you're doing is spot on but as long as you are ramping up your stress response with your fearful thoughts, then this will continue.
I'll also add that peeing more was normal for me when I had periods. I believe that's because there is increased blood flow to the uterus?
When it comes to thoughts we need to be able to challenge or re-frame them. They're just thoughts, not reality. You're telling yourself that 'you'll never enjoy anything again' but how can you possibly know that? Try and change the inner dialogue because the biggest problem here is the thoughts that you are choosing to run with instead of acknowledging their existence but challenging their truthfulness.
It appeared one night I couldn't sleep. I kept feeling like I had to pee and I focused on it and panicked. I've had umpteen tests, cultures, ultrasounds and they've all been fine! My aunt was unwell at the time suddenly and died 3 months later and one of her symptoms was incontinence out of the blue which I think played a part in this phobia development. :(
Only once or twice I've felt bursting within an hour of going as if my body is processing too quickly and sending things out my bladder.
I recently had my coil checked along with a smear and was told everything was fine. But it IS due to come out in 8 months so the doctor did say the hormones are beginning to reduce which is probably why I have my period...
Thanks Nora. That's the part I find hard. I was bursting the other night within 30 minutes again and I tried to redirect my thoughts and I thought well if this was my partner he would just shrug it off and go but I let myself get worked up over it. Before it I actually was thinking how I can show my therapist I've drank fizzy juice which was one of my challenges to give evidence to myself that it doesn't affect my urination as I'm not ill, then this happens!
I'm just frightened of what life would be like if I had to pee that badly and that much every hour if it never went away. Which is silly as it has done before. The feeling itself was so uncomfortable as I kept having to go, I found it impossible not to react negatively to it.
Ever since I read in 2020 online that you should be peeing every 3-4 hours, I panic if i need to go before 4 hours.. it is hard to remind myself that my body isn't a machine that sticks to the same schedule every day to the second
It appeared one night I couldn't sleep. I kept feeling like I had to pee and I focused on it and panicked. I've had umpteen tests, cultures, ultrasounds and they've all been fine! My aunt was unwell at the time suddenly and died 3 months later and one of her symptoms was incontinence out of the blue which I think played a part in this phobia development. :(
Absolutely the reason for the phobia as this coincided with what was happening with your aunt. I developed 'breathing difficulties' at the same time as my grandad was hoiked off to hospital with actual breathing problems. This is classic health anxiety. Someone we know or love falls ill. We get a symptom common to anxiety (and that we've experienced a trillion times before) but the HA mind makes a connection between the symptom that the other person (who is ill) is experiencing and the one we're now experiencing. In your case (urination) the symptom is real because it's a normal function of the stress response, but your HA mind is overriding logic and straying into the irrational zone and this builds and builds and we develop more anxiety symptoms which feed into the belief that there must be something seriously wrong in our bodies, when actually the reverse is happening. The stress response is about protection. It's our bodies doing exactly what they're meant to do to keep us alive. It just feels unpleasant and especially so when there is no real danger. The brain is responding to you alerting it (via your fearful thoughts) that you're not safe. Your 'machine' is working perfectly.
Also, incontinence doesn't happen 'out of the blue'.
Only once or twice I've felt bursting within an hour of going as if my body is processing too quickly and sending things out my bladder.
I have honestly experienced this more times than I can say..
I recently had my coil checked along with a smear and was told everything was fine. But it IS due to come out in 8 months so the doctor did say the hormones are beginning to reduce which is probably why I have my period...
There you go then, you have a logical reason for the period.
I was bursting the other night within 30 minutes again and I tried to redirect my thoughts and I thought well if this was my partner he would just shrug it off and go but I let myself get worked up over it. Before it I actually was thinking how I can show my therapist I've drank fizzy juice which was one of my challenges to give evidence to myself that it doesn't affect my urination as I'm not ill, then this happens!
I'm a bit confused here. Has your therapist asked you to drink fizzy juice? Only fizzy drinks are more likely to make you need to go for a wee. Drinking a fizzy drink will affect your urination (as it would affect most people's) so I don't understand why you've been asked to do this? The carbon dioxide adds volume to the liquid that's already in your bladder - meaning that you will need to pee more..
I'm just frightened of what life would be like if I had to pee that badly and that much every hour if it never went away. Which is silly as it has done before. The feeling itself was so uncomfortable as I kept having to go, I found it impossible not to react negatively to it.
So, in the HIGHLY UNLIKELY scenario that this happened to you, there are medical procedures and medication to help with incontinence. This is 2022, not 1822 after all. My aunty has bladder issues. She's over 80 years old and wears a piss bag. She goes out every day, still drinks her wine, plays croquet, and whatever else she gets up to. She has this wonderful 'fark it' attitude which I wish I had inherited from her. Girl also has glaucoma but she sticks the proverbial V's up to that too! :roflmao:
Ever since I read in 2020 online that you should be peeing every 3-4 hours, I panic if i need to go before 4 hours.. it is hard to remind myself that my body isn't a machine that sticks to the same schedule every day to the second
Google strikes again!!!
It is nigh on impossible to say how often a person SHOULD be going for a wee because people are different sizes, have different diets, sweat more (or less) may or may not take medication and if they do it might be regular or irregular. Your body IS a machine, but your machine is unique to you. And if you are experiencing chronic stress, it is almost a certainty that you will pee more and that's because the stress response (which all humans have) requires you to purge urine, poo and undigested food because these things will slow you down. When faced with a tiger coming your way (with a drool on) you need to shift and fast. With you, there is no tiger. It's your thoughts which are triggering the stress response but the body will respond in exactly the same way..
Thanks for your reply Nora!
You're so right. I go months without it and it only happens slightly and I've only had 2 days where I've had the bursting every hour for a few hours. The rest of the time is spent worrying it'll come back or monitoring myself!
I basically researched interstitial cystitis and read that you shouldn't drink or have fizzy drinks so I stopped for a year. I started again and was fine for 6 months. Then I relapsed with HA and convinced myself it was because I drank juice so my therapist is asking me to evaluate if it was the juice or the stress I was under to provide evidence to myself that it's a stress response to hyperfocus on my body rather than juice and it was really only in my head at this time, I just became worried after 6 months ir was coming back while I was signed off work.
I wish I had that attitude!!! Good for her, living life to the full! My dad is very much that way, he doesn't see the point in worrying which is so alien to me as I can't help but do anything but!
You're right. I know that each time I've worried about this its been because I focus on it and exacerbate it but changing my thinking is so difficult. Before I've ever had a chance to properly react my heart is pumping and all the other good symptoms! I'm at the stage I'm scared to even use the bathroom incase the feeling comes back. I've just been trying to keep busy but I'm scared to go out my usual long walks incase it comes back.
Ahhh it's all so rubbish. I have Claire Weekes book which I am going to read again and a session with my therapist on Saturday which will help break up the weekend. The only time I feel fine is busy at work!
but changing my thinking is so difficult.
Indeed it is, but it's by no means impossible either.
I have Claire Weekes book which I am going to read again and a session with my therapist on Saturday which will help break up the weekend. The only time I feel fine is busy at work!
I like Claire. She knows her stuff. I listened to this lady on repeat when I had my breakdown..
You're right. I actually think I may have a vaginal infection as I have stinging etc and when on the phone to my mum, she says these symptoms are common with thrush and bacterial infections! Who knew?! I will go to the doctor and then I will accept their diagnosis and continue working on my anxiety as I know my thoughts and my reaction are the problem. I've heard Claire Weeke's audiobooks are great so I'm gonna see if I can get a hold of them.
You're right. I actually think I may have a vaginal infection as I have stinging etc and when on the phone to my mum, she says these symptoms are common with thrush and bacterial infections! Who knew?! I will go to the doctor and then I will accept their diagnosis and continue working on my anxiety as I know my thoughts and my reaction are the problem. I've heard Claire Weeke's audiobooks are great so I'm gonna see if I can get a hold of them.
Good work, Ellie. :yesyes:
So desperately trying to get out of this spiral. I use the bathroom about 7:45am then I don't go until 3pm or around then and don't really feel the need to go as I'm busy at work.
However, when I pee at 3 when I finish work, I find myself needing to go at like 5/6. Tonight I went at 7:15 rying to hold off incase I didn't really need it and here I am again feeling the urge to go!!
I don't even know what is normal but I used to he able to go HOURS without even thinking about using the bathroom :( now unless I'm at work, my life revolves around it. However, reading old posts of mine, this has came and went before..
I ended up getting a urine test and they found protein, blood and some white blood cells so she said she wasn't really sure if it was an infection and didn't explain why my urine had those things in it.
I'm going out with my partner tomorrow and I'm so anxious that I'm gonna need the toilet and ruin the drive there snd the whole day's fun.
I feel it kind of around where my pee comes out and a little bit at my bladder so it's hard to ignore but I know I am anxious about it and I do think about it :( it feels worse when I stand up, if I sit very still I can't notice it but we are going walking tomorrow and I just feel sad I spoil yet another thing.
So basically, you pee a lot less when you are distracted. And you pee a lot more when you have the time to think those anxious thoughts?
I'm thinking that, if there was a mechanical problem with your bladder, you'd be piddling for Britain at work too. I've worked with women with bladder issues and they were frequently having bathroom breaks.
Re your anxiety about going out. Buy yourself a portable urinal bottle (unisex) and you won't even have to leave the car for a piddle. And just knowing you have it might alleviate some anxiety. Wear a stress incontinence pad (or knickers) to quelle any anxiety you have about 'leaks' and you're set to go.
So basically, you pee a lot less when you are distracted. And you pee a lot more when you have the time to think those anxious thoughts?
I'm thinking that, if there was a mechanical problem with your bladder, you'd be piddling for Britain at work too. I've worked with women with bladder issues and they were frequently having bathroom breaks.
Re your anxiety about going out. Buy yourself a portable urinal bottle (unisex) and you won't even have to leave the car for a piddle. And just knowing you have it might alleviate some anxiety. Wear a stress incontinence pad (or knickers) to quelle any anxiety you have about 'leaks' and you're set to go.
You're right Nora. I just woke up and managed to sleep the full night again without waking up which tells me that if there was an issue like overactive bladder or interstitial cystitis, it wouldn't just disappear when busy or resting!!
I'm thinking that I am so hyperaware of my bladder I am feeling anytime there is anything there and rather than ignoring it until I really have to go like most people do, I'm panicking and running to the bathroom and basically training my bladder to go so I'm gonna work on only going when I need to as there's been times I've panicked myself into feeling bursting and it's definitely not been a full bladder.
I've thought about getting one of those SheWees but I'm so worried as to what my partner would think - how stupid, anxiety strikes again here clearly.
I just hate that feeling of needing the bathroom, likely as I've got so much anxiety around it that I perceive it to be something it really isn't. I went when I posted last night and felt fine as I was just sitting st my computer but as soon as I stood up for bed, I felt the feelings so I ignored them and went to sleep.
I do wish I could cancel today but I know my partner would be so disappointed 😞
You're right Nora. I just woke up and managed to sleep the full night again without waking up which tells me that if there was an issue like overactive bladder or interstitial cystitis, it wouldn't just disappear when busy or resting!!
Indeed.
I'm thinking that I am so hyperaware of my bladder I am feeling anytime there is anything there and rather than ignoring it until I really have to go like most people do, I'm panicking and running to the bathroom and basically training my bladder to go so I'm gonna work on only going when I need to as there's been times I've panicked myself into feeling bursting and it's definitely not been a full bladder.
That's common for me when I'm out. Always has been a thing with me because I get so anxious. Helps when you understand the stress response...
I've thought about getting one of those SheWees but I'm so worried as to what my partner would think - how stupid, anxiety strikes again here clearly.
Maybe he would think, 'Good on her, she's making practical decisions to help herself. And I can tinkle in it myself if I get caught short in a traffic jam.' :winks:
I just hate that feeling of needing the bathroom, likely as I've got so much anxiety around it that I perceive it to be something it really isn't.
I understand. I've had umpteen ultrasound scans aside when I had my babies and I always get so anxious that I can't wee when I want to go, and that makes the problem worse - obviously. My bladder always goes on overtime anywhere where my anxiety is raised (pretty much everywhere that isn't home) and in hospitals it's a given, especially for scans when I am not able to have a wee. But I know that, if I was able to relax, it would be a lot better for me. Difference is that I know what's happening and why..
I do wish I could cancel today but I know my partner would be so disappointed
Did you go out? Did you have a nice day?
It turned out ok. I had the usual type of irritation down below but I managed to ignore it and didn't notice it when walking. I used the bathroom once when we were there and was fine! I was so proud I managed it. I got home about 5pm and didn't use the bathroom until bedtime, I felt a slight urge to go but nothing major and I wasn't as anxious which was good. My partner went 3 times to the bathroom when we were there and didn't think twice about it and I was paranoid about going once! :roflmao:
However, the anxiety is back today. I just find it hard to accept 100% that anxiety can cause the burning and tingling after I urinate. I don't feel it when I sit down, but I've sat in one place all day because I know when I stand up to go a walk or do anything I will feel it and my anxiety will shoot up. Feeling that stinging spasm down below or the feeling in my bladder just causes sheer panic which is so silly as it's likely just irritation etc or maybe it is stress who knows?
I'm trying hard to address this in therapy. I know the problem is 2 years worth of panic of the bathroom. i forget what is normal and what is ok. I don't remember anything about my toiletting before this struck except that I didn't have to go that often, or at least not every hour, so likely just a normal amount! Now, even feeling the urge causes panic attacks. I know it's not normal and I cannot go on this way, but I'm not sure what else to do. I've tried most of the antidepressants and my GP has said there is no point trying any more as I had such bad reactions that they likely 'don't work with my body chemistry' so I can't even use these to help me.
Unfortunately, we have to use the bathroom so I'm worried this anxiety will stick forever. I find myself watching other people and how often they go and it feels like they don't go often at all. A woman I work with says she only goes twice a day, I don't notice anyone else going often at work (how mental do I sound?) and at home, I feel nobody really goes that often that they'd be going 8-10 times a day like it says on the NHS website.
Arghhh it's so frustrating. I thought I was over this phobia and was actually thinking how proud I was to beat it and that night it came back now it's been here for weeks again. I'm so fed up. :weep:
I've had this bladder issue too and found that bladder retraining was effective and long lasting.
https://www.ouh.nhs.uk/patient-guide/leaflets/files/65610Poveractivebladder.pdf
I wouldn't advise you getting a Shewees device because this suggests that you have an actual mechanical bladder problem when it sounds like it's behavioural and ingrained. Very distressing and frustrating though.
I've had all the tests for IC and no infection was ever found despite "symptoms". This sounds very much like irritable bladder.
Have a read of the link and see what you think? You really don't want to be a prisoner to your bladder and it's possible to make things a lot more comfortable for you.
It turned out ok. I had the usual type of irritation down below but I managed to ignore it and didn't notice it when walking. I used the bathroom once when we were there and was fine! I was so proud I managed it. I got home about 5pm and didn't use the bathroom until bedtime, I felt a slight urge to go but nothing major and I wasn't as anxious which was good.
Good to hear.
However, the anxiety is back today. I just find it hard to accept 100% that anxiety can cause the burning and tingling after I urinate. I don't feel it when I sit down, but I've sat in one place all day because I know when I stand up to go a walk or do anything I will feel it and my anxiety will shoot up. Feeling that stinging spasm down below or the feeling in my bladder just causes sheer panic which is so silly as it's likely just irritation etc or maybe it is stress who knows?
Anxiety causes all sorts and when it comes to urinary symptoms it's all to do with the stress response. Not unusual for people to wee themselves when they are scared, right? It's fight or flight - biology. But I also used to get similar burning type symptoms (albeit more consistently) with Cystitis..
Unfortunately, we have to use the bathroom so I'm worried this anxiety will stick forever. I find myself watching other people and how often they go and it feels like they don't go often at all. A woman I work with says she only goes twice a day, I don't notice anyone else going often at work (how mental do I sound?) and at home, I feel nobody really goes that often that they'd be going 8-10 times a day like it says on the NHS website.
Sometimes I can go when I get up and then not go again until 3pm. Other days my anxiety will be higher and I will go every hour or more. Whenever I'm out, I have to scope where the loos are and I average three tinkles in any outing. I know it's because I am naturally highly anxious when I'm out. I used to have a phobia of public toilets. I held myself all the way back from Spain to England on a coach. Then I developed IBS and that changed things somewhat because then it was D prominent IBS. When I had to go I had to GO GO GO!! (still made sure I lined the bog seat with loo roll though and flushed first to muffle the noise) :unsure:
Stop focusing on people's toilet habits. You have zero control over them and you are not always privvy to what they are ingesting and it'll drive you nuts if you even try to go there. Bottom line; the more you focus on this symptom, the more it will bother you because the urge to purge is natural (and normal) with the human body when stressed and you thinking there is something wrong all the time means that your brain thinks it's in danger, hence the fight or flight response is always being triggered..
Arghhh it's so frustrating. I thought I was over this phobia and was actually thinking how proud I was to beat it and that night it came back now it's been here for weeks again. I'm so fed up. :weep:
Can you think of how you came to develop the phobia?
Lol at "privy"!!! Very convenient word to use in this context!:D
Lol at "privy"!!! Very convenient word to use in this context!:D
I love how your mind works. :yesyes:
Just a bit of comic relief to take the sting out of bladder angst..
Just a bit of comic relief to take the sting out of bladder angst..
You gotta larf mate, eh?
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.