Dealing with a hoarder?

[Pendarren]

Hi, does anyone have advice for me on how to deal with a hoarding partner? Someone who collects from free collection sites, friends or charity shops wheather we need or would use the items. I am not able to give anything away to another home, even things of mine I no longer need. All things she collects are HERS and I "have no right in what happens to HER things". Please help.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Pendarren and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Fishmanpa]

I wanted to respond as my ex wife suffered from severe depression which manifested itself into hoarding. The difference was that she didn't buy or collect things but refused to let go of things we no longer needed. Old magazines (you never know when you'll need that recipe...and she didn't cook!) to clothes, etc. etc. etc. It started after the birth of our daughter and got worse and worse. Any time I tried to throw things away, she would go ballistic! Our marriage was in trouble and we went to counseling. After a couple of sessions, the counselor wanted to see us separately. She stopped going after a couple of sessions and it was then I knew our marriage was over. It was a very, very difficult time and decision but the counselor actually advised me to leave. The legal aspects of the divorce and custody of the children and all the details involved were staggering. I often had the kids for the majority of the time as she couldn't function. When push came to shove, I was permitted to go into our home and clean things out. I would go on a schedule and make sure the home was fit.

It took some time but eventually, she did seek help and started the journey to healing. To this day, the memories of that time are painful. Thankfully, my son has handled all of this well but sadly my daughter has been affected greatly by all of it and the separation and divorce and suffers from depression and anxiety. She's been getting professional help since her teens and while she has her bumps in the road, she's doing Ok.

You have some serious decisions to make. Your partner and you need professional help to help deal with this. Hopefully she and you can seek it and find the solutions.

Positive thoughts

[Panicattacka]

When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.

[pulisa]

This information from Mind may be helpful for you...

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hoarding/about-hoarding/

[Pamplemousse]

When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.

Can you be any more of an ar$ehole?

[Pamplemousse]

This information from Mind may be helpful for you...

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hoarding/about-hoarding/

I didn't realise there was such a thing as "digital hoarding"? Might explain why my NAS box is so full.

[Fishmanpa]

When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.

You have no idea at all what its like to be in a situation like that do you? :lac: Perhaps you should reconsider a few things before posting next time eh?

FMP

[NoraB]

When she next leaves the house, build a big bonfire in the back garden of all the useless crap in your house and burn it. When she comes back, ball's in her court.


This is a mental health forum. You have mental health issues. Where's your empathy for another human being who is suffering with their mental health?

[Pendarren]

Thanks for responding, it's good to know I'm not alone and that this space is here for us. I am seeing a councellor to help me deal with my situation and it has been suggested that she gets professional help, but i can't see a way to get her to agree to it. Any ideas? Thanks again.

[pulisa]

Does she actually think that she has a problem or does she think that it's you who has the problem and that you should just turn a blind eye and let her carry on? Is she aware of the distress her behaviour causes you?

[Fishmanpa]

I am seeing a councellor to help me deal with my situation and it has been suggested that she gets professional help, but i can't see a way to get her to agree to it. Any ideas? Thanks again.

As I said, getting help is important. I don't have any suggestions for persuading your partner to seek help. It comes down to whether you can deal and live with it. We were having marital issues in general but for me, the hoarding was the straw that finally broke the camel's back. After my ex stopped going to the counselor, I continued to go. I had to clean up the house. We had two young children and it just wasn't healthy. It was advised that I give her ample notice that I would be doing so. So I let her know I would be cleaning up the back yard and discarding some old newspapers and magazines in the basement. I chose a day when she would be out of the house with the kids visiting her parents. The yard had old weather worn and broken toys and furniture. I cleaned everything up and placed it on the curb for trash pickup. When she came home, she totally lost it and started screaming she needed these things and began throwing them into the minivan saying she would take them to her parents house to save! The kids were watching this and crying :( Neighbors came out to see what the commotion was about. Its still a painful memory. I spoke about the episode to my counselor and as much as it was her job to try to keep us together, she recommended I leave, at least for a little while. It was soon afterwards that I left and it became apparent that it would be permanent soon afterwards.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and I personally know how painful it can be.

Positive thoughts