ckelley116
28-04-22, 13:33
I hate even having to type that.
Between February of 2018, after being diagnosed via MRI with tenosynovitis running rampant through my right (dominant) hand and bursitis/a ganglion cyst in my left foot, and December of 2019, I had three separate rounds of bloodwork to test me for RA or another autoimmune disorder. Almost everything came back clear - I was negative for RA/autoimmune-specific things all three times, ESR was within range, and only my CRP level was elevated. In February 2018 it was a little over 11, March 2018 it was a little over 12, and December 2019 it had dropped to 8. Nowhere near the levels I was told to expect if I did have some inflammatory disease, and the rheumatologist said it was highly likely I was in the clear.
After the tenosynovitis, which was likely to be caused by overuse (I'm on a computer almost my entire day), I haven't had any hallmark RA symptoms. No terrible pain. No visible swelling. No redness. No warmth. No tenderness. No morning stiffness. I haven't had fatigue or the flu-like symptoms so many others have experienced. The blood test in 2019 was just to see if I could in fact put all of this behind me, not because of any new symptoms. Since the tenosynovitis resolved I have felt, at least in regards to what I've been led to believe is common with RA, completely normal for 4 1/2 years.
So why do I still jump right to it every time I have an ache or a pain? Last Wednesday the underside of my left big toe started hurting, between the base of the toe and the ball of my foot. Not even in the joint, from what I can tell anyway. It's not a major pain. I'm not limping, it doesn't hurt to touch, I can pull the toe (gently) back and forth without feeling anything. If I contract my toes (like if I'm trying to crack them), I can feel it maybe 2 out of 5 times but again, it's not super painful. It's not swollen or red or tender or stiff and I don't really feel anything at rest unless I hyper-focus (which I'm trying not to do). I am doing my best not to keep doing these little checks but I am not always successful. And stupidly, I've started kind of experimenting with the big toe on my right foot the same way to compare. Now that toe is feeling similar, which is scary because one of the things common in RA is symmetry. When a joint on one side of the body is inflamed, the other typically follows. I keep telling myself that like all other aches and pains this too will resolve, but while it's happening it's so hard to believe.
I am 41 years old, getting older, and living in a human body which can be injured and which can experience weird aches and pains and other sensations. I know that and I know that not everything is a sign of something sinister. But since this RA seed was planted more than 4 years ago, I haven't been able to let it go. I just want to stop going back there every time I feel something.
Between February of 2018, after being diagnosed via MRI with tenosynovitis running rampant through my right (dominant) hand and bursitis/a ganglion cyst in my left foot, and December of 2019, I had three separate rounds of bloodwork to test me for RA or another autoimmune disorder. Almost everything came back clear - I was negative for RA/autoimmune-specific things all three times, ESR was within range, and only my CRP level was elevated. In February 2018 it was a little over 11, March 2018 it was a little over 12, and December 2019 it had dropped to 8. Nowhere near the levels I was told to expect if I did have some inflammatory disease, and the rheumatologist said it was highly likely I was in the clear.
After the tenosynovitis, which was likely to be caused by overuse (I'm on a computer almost my entire day), I haven't had any hallmark RA symptoms. No terrible pain. No visible swelling. No redness. No warmth. No tenderness. No morning stiffness. I haven't had fatigue or the flu-like symptoms so many others have experienced. The blood test in 2019 was just to see if I could in fact put all of this behind me, not because of any new symptoms. Since the tenosynovitis resolved I have felt, at least in regards to what I've been led to believe is common with RA, completely normal for 4 1/2 years.
So why do I still jump right to it every time I have an ache or a pain? Last Wednesday the underside of my left big toe started hurting, between the base of the toe and the ball of my foot. Not even in the joint, from what I can tell anyway. It's not a major pain. I'm not limping, it doesn't hurt to touch, I can pull the toe (gently) back and forth without feeling anything. If I contract my toes (like if I'm trying to crack them), I can feel it maybe 2 out of 5 times but again, it's not super painful. It's not swollen or red or tender or stiff and I don't really feel anything at rest unless I hyper-focus (which I'm trying not to do). I am doing my best not to keep doing these little checks but I am not always successful. And stupidly, I've started kind of experimenting with the big toe on my right foot the same way to compare. Now that toe is feeling similar, which is scary because one of the things common in RA is symmetry. When a joint on one side of the body is inflamed, the other typically follows. I keep telling myself that like all other aches and pains this too will resolve, but while it's happening it's so hard to believe.
I am 41 years old, getting older, and living in a human body which can be injured and which can experience weird aches and pains and other sensations. I know that and I know that not everything is a sign of something sinister. But since this RA seed was planted more than 4 years ago, I haven't been able to let it go. I just want to stop going back there every time I feel something.