So sick of feeling like this

[anxietybegone]

Just when I think I'm in a good place with my HA , something else comes along. This is the worst type of anxiety I've had as you cannot escape your own body. Ever since my little girl was born my health anxiety ramped up to the max, first of all coming in waves and now I just feel like it is here to stay. I have 2 sons 17 and 18 (Did not worry like this after having the boys) and my daughter will be one next week. I feel like my constant worry about health depletes the happiness from my life and I just want nothing more than to be able to enjoy my so longed for little girl without this constant worrying. I'm so fed up of it. I've tried everything bar medication as I think taking tablets will make me worry about side effects etc. I won't even take the pill as scared the increased oestrogen is increasing cancer risks. So where does this leave me ? I can't carry on like this , have tried therapy too. I wish I was just someone who didn't give a sh*t about anything, life would be easier. The worst thing is , I hate going to my doctors , it gives me full blown anxiety and dread waiting for the appointment and nervous even speaking to them (I've been like this for years)so I feel like it's some kind of cruel joke that I have to have health anxiety as now I feel like always need to see the doctor to check things.

I've had a small lump down below (vulva) that has been there for a while had a benign one removed years ago. My own gp looked at it and concluded she doesn't think it needs any further treatment at this stage. Why did she have to write 'at this stage' because it made me anxious again that it could turn into cancer down the line. So I made an appointment with a private doctor who said it didn't look pathological and was nothing to worry abou but she said she would refer me privately to a gynaecologist which is on 21st June as I was so anxious. On one hand I am pleased to see a specialist but now I'm scared I will misinterpret his words and start worrying again. I don't want it cut out if it is unnecessary - for a start I can't justify the private cost of that just now but I'm betting he will say , "nothing to worry about but it's up to you if you want it removed or not." Then I will think I NEED to have it removed as he gave me the option. Please can anyone give me any hope that this will get better, it's honestly the worst thing I've ever gone through mentally.

[rc906]

I know the exact feeling that you're going through. Been through an exceptionally hard time myself recently.

One thing I will say, is that if there is something actually wrong, no medical professional will say "Meh, up to you if you want to leave it or not." I can guarantee that with 100% certainty, if there is something that even gives the slightest hint of being sinister, no Doc in their right mind will ignore it or leave it to chance.

Obviously nothing I say will make your anxiety go away, but just know that if a doctor looks at something, you should definitely believe what they say. If the doc looked and says that it's nothing to worry about, it's nothing to worry about.

Hope you feel better soon!

[NoraB]

Just when I think I'm in a good place with my HA , something else comes along. This is the worst type of anxiety I've had as you cannot escape your own body. Ever since my little girl was born my health anxiety ramped up to the max, first of all coming in waves and now I just feel like it is here to stay. I have 2 sons 17 and 18 (Did not worry like this after having the boys) and my daughter will be one next week.

Maybe get your FSH levels checked out because it sounds like you are in peri-menopause territory. I had my youngest when I was 39 and I started the menopause not long after. A lot of women's anxiety ramps up during the menopause.


I've had a small lump down below (vulva) that has been there for a while had a benign one removed years ago. My own gp looked at it and concluded she doesn't think it needs any further treatment at this stage. Why did she have to write 'at this stage' because it made me anxious again that it could turn into cancer down the line. So I made an appointment with a private doctor who said it didn't look pathological and was nothing to worry abou but she said she would refer me privately to a gynaecologist which is on 21st June as I was so anxious. On one hand I am pleased to see a specialist but now I'm scared I will misinterpret his words and start worrying again. I don't want it cut out if it is unnecessary - for a start I can't justify the private cost of that just now but I'm betting he will say , "nothing to worry about but it's up to you if you want it removed or not." Then I will think I NEED to have it removed as he gave me the option. Please can anyone give me any hope that this will get better, it's honestly the worst thing I've ever gone through mentally.

Doctors generally know cancer when they see/feel it. Women commonly have lumps around the vulva and only rarely will they be cancerous. Best to get checked, obvs.

You have to appreciate that the doctor can't win here no matter what they say because you have health anxiety that's not been effectively addressed. You will create your own narrative and freak out over terms you do not understand. That's the way with HA..

If you think you will most likely misinterpret what the specialist says, then take someone with you. Ask the specialist for clarity. Have them write it down for you in simple terms.

Two doctors have looked at your lump and said it doesn't look cancerous and now you will be seeing a third doctor in a few weeks where I hope he/she can put your mind at rest. Doctors generally don't like to remove bits of us unless they are causing an issue as scar tissue can cause problems later on, and I would especially advise you to consider that the tissue around the vulva can atrophy considerably during the menopause in which case scar tissue could become a problem, as my episiotomy stitches have proved to be. Those buggers have well and truly come back to haunt me! If a lump needs to be removed then it's a case of needs must but the majority of lumps will not be cancer.

[anxietybegone]

Thank you so much. Yes that's how you really know its anxiety when you don't believe the professionals , in my case two of them, I know this logically but it's getting my mind to make it stick. I love your letter to Dave , I'm going to call my anxiety something to and write her a letter. Sorry you've been going through a bad time , anxiety is a B*#ch , had enough of it.

[NoraB]

Am I on an ignore list here or what? :huh:

[anxietybegone]

Sorry I was in the car did a quick reply and then had to go. I was going to say today when I could reply properly that I actually found your comment really reassuring so thank you so much . I've had my thyroid tested before and it came back normal , is the FSH level test a different kind of thing? I totally get when you say I will create my own narrative because that is exactly what I do and like you say when that happens the doctor actually cannot win and that is the exhausting part. One thing I've noticed about people who suffer health anxiety , you are all so kind to others offering reassurance and comforting words. Intelligent too. I'm a very creative person and I think that is what drives it xx

[NoraB]

Sorry I was in the car did a quick reply and then had to go. I was going to say today when I could reply properly that I actually found your comment really reassuring so thank you so much .

Cheers for replying. It's been known for people to ignore me so I'm paranoid now lol :scared15:


I've had my thyroid tested before and it came back normal , is the FSH level test a different kind of thing?

FSH is a hormone released by the pituitary gland. It's a good indicator if a women is entering the menopause and a lot of women experience a significant increase in anxiety & other MH issues at this time or they can develop MH issues for the first time. It's a rollercoaster for so many reasons...


I totally get when you say I will create my own narrative because that is exactly what I do and like you say when that happens the doctor actually cannot win and that is the exhausting part. One thing I've noticed about people who suffer health anxiety , you are all so kind to others offering reassurance and comforting words. Intelligent too. I'm a very creative person and I think that is what drives it xx

I can agree with that. I'm creative too. That said, one of the worst cases of health anxiety I've seen (aside my own experiences) was in a person who was highly intelligent and logical - such is the power of this mental health condition..