View Full Version : Health Anxiety is relentless
flatterycat
15-05-22, 18:29
I’m female, 53 and suffered with HA on and off since I was a child.
I’m on medication, had cbt, counselling and various other help and yet it still has a hold on my life. I know it’s not a separate entity, that only I can manage it, but I just need to write on here as it helps to get it down in black and white. I used to get acute bouts of HA, but over the last few years, it’s become much more chronic, bouncing from one thing to the other. Despite people saying to me (each time I have a new health concern) that it was ok before and that it will be this time, I see it more as the opposite - the fact it’s been ok before means that this time it’ll be bad. I think to me, it’s a case of getting away with it so many times before that when we look at it statistically, the odds are getting less in my favour that it’ll be ok.
I was worried about a chronic cough a while back and after a normal chest X-ray, I felt better. Then I feel something else and off I go to get checked. The cycle is non-stop. I’ve recently been promoted to Head of school and am thinking there’s no way I am going to be capable of doing the job; the dark thoughts and what ifs fill my head.
Just after Christmas I noticed that when I look up, the front, right side of my lower neck protrudes more than the left. I panicked and eventually saw my doctor who examined my neck and said she could feel what I meant, but that she just thought it was the anatomy of my neck and nothing worrying. Since then I have had periods where I can stop myself checking but then this week I started again. The creeping urge that something is wrong and if I don’t check it I will miss it etc. All the while I know that I should not be checking, that it will make it worse, that the cycle will just go round and round and the desperation for certainty and reassurance will never be met. I’ve been checking my neck for the last few hours and got my husband to check too. The dread that it’s cancer rushes through me, then I have to check again.
Don’t check. Don’t Google. Such simple answers. But it’s not is it; not to the HA sufferer; if it were, then I imagine sites like this would have a lot less posts like mine. Years ago I could rely on the fact that I was ‘young’ but since turning 50 I find it’s fuelled my fears ten fold - suddenly I’m in the age group that makes many of my fears more likely (to me anyway) and every pain, bump, sensation is evidence. I’ve lost any idea of what is ‘normal’ checking. Sometimes, going to the loo, fills me with anxiety because we are told to check. Just before the monthly boob check, (assuming I’ve managed to go a month) I’m anxious. I never used to check my neck, groin, armpits for lumps, but now I do. What is normal? What if I miss something if I let it go just this once. What if I agree to stop checking like the therapists advise and the one time I do, I miss something. I know I’m hyper-vigilant and that everything I do increases my fears, but then I can’t ignore it, just in case.
Just wanted to get thoughts in type.
Sarah
I’m female, 53 and suffered with HA on and off since I was a child.
I’m on medication, had cbt, counselling and various other help and yet it still has a hold on my life. I know it’s not a separate entity, that only I can manage it, but I just need to write on here as it helps to get it down in black and white. I used to get acute bouts of HA, but over the last few years, it’s become much more chronic, bouncing from one thing to the other. Despite people saying to me (each time I have a new health concern) that it was ok before and that it will be this time, I see it more as the opposite - the fact it’s been ok before means that this time it’ll be bad. I think to me, it’s a case of getting away with it so many times before that when we look at it statistically, the odds are getting less in my favour that it’ll be ok.
I was worried about a chronic cough a while back and after a normal chest X-ray, I felt better. Then I feel something else and off I go to get checked. The cycle is non-stop. I’ve recently been promoted to Head of school and am thinking there’s no way I am going to be capable of doing the job; the dark thoughts and what ifs fill my head.
Just after Christmas I noticed that when I look up, the front, right side of my lower neck protrudes more than the left. I panicked and eventually saw my doctor who examined my neck and said she could feel what I meant, but that she just thought it was the anatomy of my neck and nothing worrying. Since then I have had periods where I can stop myself checking but then this week I started again. The creeping urge that something is wrong and if I don’t check it I will miss it etc. All the while I know that I should not be checking, that it will make it worse, that the cycle will just go round and round and the desperation for certainty and reassurance will never be met. I’ve been checking my neck for the last few hours and got my husband to check too. The dread that it’s cancer rushes through me, then I have to check again.
Don’t check. Don’t Google. Such simple answers. But it’s not is it; not to the HA sufferer; if it were, then I imagine sites like this would have a lot less posts like mine. Years ago I could rely on the fact that I was ‘young’ but since turning 50 I find it’s fuelled my fears ten fold - suddenly I’m in the age group that makes many of my fears more likely (to me anyway) and every pain, bump, sensation is evidence. I’ve lost any idea of what is ‘normal’ checking. Sometimes, going to the loo, fills me with anxiety because we are told to check. Just before the monthly boob check, (assuming I’ve managed to go a month) I’m anxious. I never used to check my neck, groin, armpits for lumps, but now I do. What is normal? What if I miss something if I let it go just this once. What if I agree to stop checking like the therapists advise and the one time I do, I miss something. I know I’m hyper-vigilant and that everything I do increases my fears, but then I can’t ignore it, just in case.
Just wanted to get thoughts in type.
Sarah
Hi - I am almost 54 years old and like you suffered a health anxiety for ever it seems well I can certainly remember being 12/13 and in a class in school and couldn’t get my breath and there it started - I have now been in a downward spiral since about November last year sparked by a fall out with my eldest child (who incidentally still won’t speak or return any messages) but I was also completely terrified of catching covid and just knew I would be one of those who didn’t end well ….. well I got covid on 1 February after all that time working in a school and from there my anxiety has snowballed badly - I am still left with a cough and congestion in throat and sinus after 14 weeks and so convinced along with their breathing issues it is lung cancer ……. Added to that I have a larger lymph node one side which has been like it for at least 9 plus years - honestly there are other things which I then obsess about and I could have been writing all day about the list I am worried about ….. so I understand how you feel 😢😢 I did have breast cancer 14 years ago and had chemo and radiotherapy and surgery - all good but just feel scared right now …… now have rare type of lupus - I write this feeling I must sound completely crazy but just don’t know how I am holiding things together right now - it is getting tough as don’t sleep as stress and then cough (I think half the time I don’t even need to cough!!!)
flatterycat
15-05-22, 23:57
Hi - I am almost 54 years old and like you suffered a health anxiety for ever it seems well I can certainly remember being 12/13 and in a class in school and couldn’t get my breath and there it started - I have now been in a downward spiral since about November last year sparked by a fall out with my eldest child (who incidentally still won’t speak or return any messages) but I was also completely terrified of catching covid and just knew I would be one of those who didn’t end well ….. well I got covid on 1 February after all that time working in a school and from there my anxiety has snowballed badly - I am still left with a cough and congestion in throat and sinus after 14 weeks and so convinced along with their breathing issues it is lung cancer ……. Added to that I have a larger lymph node one side which has been like it for at least 9 plus years - honestly there are other things which I then obsess about and I could have been writing all day about the list I am worried about ….. so I understand how you feel 😢😢 I did have breast cancer 14 years ago and had chemo and radiotherapy and surgery - all good but just feel scared right now …… now have rare type of lupus - I write this feeling I must sound completely crazy but just don’t know how I am holiding things together right now - it is getting tough as don’t sleep as stress and then cough (I think half the time I don’t even need to cough!!!)
I’m sorry you are struggling too. I too have a vivid memory of the first time I started worrying about my health! My cough went on for months which. I was so worried. After the clear chest x-ray I haven’t noticed my cough as much! At least you know that something you’ve had 9 years isn’t going to cause any worry. I don’t really know what a lymph node feels like. I can’t feel a lump, but can feel an area that’s definitely thicker/protrudes more than the other side. I hope you start to feel less anxious soon.
Congratultions on the Headship, Sarah but I should imagine that the added responsibility really ramps up your HA because you can't afford to be ill as so many people rely on you? Hence the compulsive checking "just in case" you miss anything? I'm 63 and the mum of 2 autistic adults who rely on me to keep well and not grow/look old because I am not allowed to die!
Don’t check. Don’t Google. Such simple answers. But it’s not is it; not to the HA sufferer; if it were, then I imagine sites like this would have a lot less posts like mine.
Don't Google for sure.
Re checking, I'd say that women of a certain age need to be checking themselves on a regular basis. As do men. This can be done once a month during a bath or shower. The emphasis being on the once a month. It should be a case of awareness, rather than obsession. To me, either extreme is unhealthy. As in checking too often or not checking at all..
] Years ago I could rely on the fact that I was ‘young’ but since turning 50 I find it’s fuelled my fears ten fold - suddenly I’m in the age group that makes many of my fears more likely (to me anyway) and every pain, bump, sensation is evidence. I’ve lost any idea of what is ‘normal’ checking. Sometimes, going to the loo, fills me with anxiety because we are told to check. Just before the monthly boob check, (assuming I’ve managed to go a month) I’m anxious. I never used to check my neck, groin, armpits for lumps, but now I do. What is normal? What if I miss something if I let it go just this once. What if I agree to stop checking like the therapists advise and the one time I do, I miss something. I know I’m hyper-vigilant and that everything I do increases my fears, but then I can’t ignore it, just in case.
Being hyper-vigilant means that you will almost certainly misinterpret normal bodily functions and sensations which feeds directly into your imagination that something is wrong with you. You also must understand that your fifty year old body (while still being amazing) is going to be a lot different to your younger body. More bumps. Less collagen. Different hormonal set-up entirely.
That said, I don't know whose body I am currently inhabiting but it aint mine. :lac:
Re the loo, a courtesy glance as you toss in the loo roll is sufficient. Should anything be amiss in the ol' colon - then it would be obvious and constant. And this still doesn't equal things like cancer. There's no need to peer into the pan and scrutinise your crap. I had blood in the pan and on the loo roll earlier this year. It was obvious and it did warrant speaking to my GP because it was a first for me (despite having piles since I gave birth to my eldest in the 80s, thanks Son) but it was nothing more sinister than a fissure. So even when we do see claret in the pan, there's no need to lose our shit (scuse the pun) because 9/10 it will be something minor. And even when it's not minor, it doesn't mean cancer. HA always takes us to worst case scenario and it goes full-drama with it. My health imaginings made Grey's Anatomy look like Trumpton, but reality is generally less dramatic and to prove that point I've actually dozed off to 24 Hours in A&E. It was where a little old lady was debating between a cheese sandwich. Next thing? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
Anyway, I'm rambling. HA is awful, horrible - really mucks about with our lives but there is a way out, believe me..
flatterycat
16-05-22, 20:23
Thank you Pulisa and Nora.
Pulisa - I kind of fell into the Headship role having never wanted it before and find myself in a position I don’t know that I want. I will give it bloody good go though! It must be really tough being mum to two autistic children (even if they are adults!) and a lot of work trying to make sure you don’t grow old or look it :)
Nora - Thanks for your advice. Monthly checks were something I used to do for my boobs, but never really felt the urge to check anything else. Even though I had HA then, it was different. Over the last few years the checking has slowly become part of my everyday life. I often think that if I am checking it will make it more likely that I catch anything early - of course I know that that’s true for boobs and poos, but the checking has grown to include my neck, eyes, collarbone, stomach… and I can’t just check once, I have to keep doing it again and again. That’s where I get stuck on what normal people check! I also suffer with OCD and although I am no doctor, I am convinced they are the same beast! The checking urges feel the same as urges I have to carry out certain random rituals, all of which I do under some misguided attempt to protect myself.
Tomorrow I have blood tests booked - doctor ordered them after I asked for some - then I panicked even though it was me that brought them up! She said I didn’t need to have them done; it was only because I mentioned it! My HA brain could never have then said ‘ok I won’t bother’, so I booked in for them. My HA also says that the results will turn out to be abnormal and it will be because I pushed for them! Tempting fate again!
Work was difficult today, but I managed to go through the motions despite the feelings of fear rushing through me and the churning stomach. I even managed to get my boss to check out my neck to see if she could feel the area where I feel it is enlarged/feels bigger than the other side! A new low!
Thanks agin both of you xx
I also suffer with OCD and although I am no doctor, I am convinced they are the same beast! The checking urges feel the same as urges I have to carry out certain random rituals, all of which I do under some misguided attempt to protect myself.
Health anxiety falls under the umbrella of OCD. I have OCD too. However, I have also been able to successfully control my health anxiety..
Tomorrow I have blood tests booked - doctor ordered them after I asked for some - then I panicked even though it was me that brought them up!
This is classic HA narrative. You requested blood tests but your HA is trying to twist this into something like, 'Yes, but the doc wouldn't have obliged unless he/she thinks there is a serious problem'.
My HA brain could never have then said ‘ok I won’t bother’, so I booked in for them. My HA also says that the results will turn out to be abnormal and it will be because I pushed for them! Tempting fate again!
How many abnormal blood results have you actually had? Aside pregnancy, there have been had two occasions where my bloods came back deficient in Vit D and Vit B12. Aside this, there's been no abnormalities but we have to expect issues as we age because that's the norm. Rarely will someone live to old age with no issues at all. The majority of us have to give our bodies some help as we age..
It's common to feel very unwell with severe anxiety. And given your age I'd throw in hormonal imbalance too. This alone can cause women to experience anxiety (and develop HA) for the first time in their lives.
Work was difficult today, but I managed to go through the motions despite the feelings of fear rushing through me and the churning stomach. I even managed to get my boss to check out my neck to see if she could feel the area where I feel it is enlarged/feels bigger than the other side! A new low!
I totally understand the desperation and the urge to check right there and then, regardless of what people might think. This is how HA consumes us..
You can control HA. It's not easy by any means, especially for people who have OCD but it's doable..
The positive here(and it's a biggy) is that you managed to carry on working alongside those awful feelings and sensations. Maybe focus on this 'win' rather than what you consider to be your low?
Yes I agree..Amazing that you could carry on with your very responsible job despite everything churning through your brain..
Re the blood tests I would suggest that you don't ask for a print out of the results when they come in..Absolute dynamite with an HA mindset as you will focus on any minor discrepancy in the ranges which may be normal for you anyway. If the GP says they are "satisfactory" then they are.
Don't beat yourself up for getting a colleague to have a feel of what you think you can feel..Sometimes the urge gets the better of us.
Having the blood tests will make you feel "at risk" and you will be laying yourself open to the feared "bad news" but these are fears and not fact and getting a normal blood screen may well make you feel reassured that nothing sinister is going on in terms of lymphatic anomalies.
Re the blood tests I would suggest that you don't ask for a print out of the results when they come in..Absolute dynamite with an HA mindset as you will focus on any minor discrepancy in the ranges which may be normal for you anyway. If the GP says they are "satisfactory" then they are.
Absolutely!
I melted my brain trying to decipher my blood test results. Don't go there. The doctor has done the time in med school, we haven't. They'll let us know when there is a problem.
carriewriting
18-05-22, 09:05
FlatteryCat so much of your post is my story. I'm 52 with long-term HA that has been relentless the past few years jumping to one worry to another, sometimes hour to hour. I sabotage myself with HA whenever something good happens or I'm about to succeed at work by becoming fixated on some HA worry.
Pulisa and Nora have helped me so much so please re-read their wise words when you're feeling down.
I found that after 50 I had an initial spike in HA. Crossing that number felt like everything I'd feared for so long was now even more likely.
However, this year I've been able to change the narrative and I honestly never thought that would be possible.
I still get HA every day, worrying about this skin spot or that pain in my belly or dementia like memory blip, but when I feel myself starting to panic, I remind myself that whatever happens to me from this point forward is my story. That's the way it is supposed to be. There's no point fearing what might come. It just ruins today.
The panic is still there, but it doesn't have as much power over me.
I worried relentlessly about health issues all through my 30s and 40s and nothing happened. What a waste. I don't want live that way anymore.
The other thing my therapist has helped me accept is that these HA thoughts are long standing and won't go away overnight. It will take time to retrain my brain, so there's no point getting down on myself or frustrated that my HA thoughts are still coming. Coping with them a bit better is a big win.
I really wish you all the best. On bad days I find listening to the audiobook of Stop Worrying, Start Living by Dale Carnegie is very soothing. It's an old book, published in the 1930s, so some things he says are a bit on the nose, but overall I find it very helpful.
flatterycat
18-05-22, 13:38
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.
Nora - you speak so much sense and I wish I could be like you.
Pulisa - I definitely wonÂ’t ask for print out of results. 😱
Carrie - Although itÂ’s awful that youÂ’ve also suffered for so long, itÂ’s given me hope that I can manage it better.
IÂ’m currently in a state here at work, waiting for my blood test results which I had done yesterday. They included the usual fbc, liver, kidney, sugar, cholesterol, thyroid and a bone profile. Doctor called it a well-woman check.
I sent an online request to speak about them and a receptionist just called me to say they arenÂ’t back yet and that I already have a telephone appointment for next week so the doctor will discuss them then.
My HA is thinking that the results are in but she didnÂ’t want to tell me they were abnormal. I just want them to be normal so I can carry on and not be feeling like this. But then, I question whether I would and how soon it would be until IÂ’m worrying about something else😏
Sarah x
So....what was the point of having the bloods done if you are already doubting whether you will be able to benefit from knowing the screen was normal?
Have you ever heard of a doctor not wanting to tell a patient that tests were abnormal?
flatterycat
18-05-22, 15:41
So....what was the point of having the bloods done if you are already doubting whether you will be able to benefit from knowing the screen was normal?
Yes that's a good point. Rational thinking goes out of the window when the HA is high. I was the one who proposed the tests and when the doctor said no problem the anxiety shot up. They can't win!
flatterycat
18-05-22, 15:42
Have you ever heard of a doctor not wanting to tell a patient that tests were abnormal?
No I haven't and I need to remember that.
Nora - you speak so much sense and I wish I could be like you.
Hasn't always been the case FC. I've had to work very hard to get to where I am with health anxiety. I have 47 years of HA experience - including a breakdown. My point is that I overcame all of this to get to a better place where I am more rational about my health, but as I keep saying it is work in progress..
My HA is thinking that the results are in but she didnÂ’t want to tell me they were abnormal.
If they were back and abnormal you probably would have heard by now regardless of whether you have a telephone appointment booked next week..
I just want them to be normal so I can carry on and not be feeling like this.
That's not how it works with HA..
But then, I question whether I would and how soon it would be until IÂ’m worrying about something else
And this is why..
Normal test results bring short-term comfort to a long-term problem. It's therapy you need in order to challenge your thinking. It's not realistic to expect there never to be any issues when we enter into middle-age but these are generally minor issues which are corrected or easily managed. Having HA we tend to bypass 'minor' and go straight to terminal illness..
Full blood counts are normally done quickly so you would have been contacted by now if there had been anything "sinister". The lab would alert your GP. I've been rung at 5am by the lab re my daughter's results in the past (She is ok now..Not lymphoma etc)
You won't believe what we say and will still be full of fear but it's important to put some perspective into this. No news is good news.
flatterycat
18-05-22, 19:58
Thanks again for your support - I admire the time you give to help so many on here. Hearing from people who have suffered with anxiety for as long as me and still managed to beat it (well, manage it so well that you can live your life without anxiety dictating) really gives me hope.
I often feel like one of the worst HA sufferers when I look back on the years of fears and reassurance seeking. Having been on medication since 1998 and having had numerous talking therapies makes me feel a bit of a failure too. I know on one level that’s not true - but on an emotional one that’s what it feels like.
Your support is helping so thank you again xx
I've never had therapy for HA but have made my own "rules" which I stick to because I'm boringly disciplined when it comes to how I live! :) The therapy and meds package isn't necessarily a game changer in terms of alleviation of HA so don't feel that you are a "failure"?
Omg Sarah I could have written this post I have suffered with anxiety since I was a kid and have had many rounds of various therapy I’m now 58 and it’s getting worse not better also like you I feel like the boy who cried wolf and think whatever “illness” I currently think I have will be the one that is real and will finish me off spent 30 minutes today checking and re checking my blood pressure and now convinced I’m on the verge of a heart attack or a stroke it’s exhausting and relentless and sometimes I hate being me wishing you peace of mind soon
I often feel like one of the worst HA sufferers when I look back on the years of fears and reassurance seeking. Having been on medication since 1998 and having had numerous talking therapies makes me feel a bit of a failure too.
If HA was an Olympic sport I always say I'd have been up there with a gold medal around my neck. :yesyes: I was really, really good at HA. Irrationality? Gold medal. Googling skills? Gold medal. Contorting myself into impossible positions to get a better look at my bits? Gold medal. I pushed my brain the the point of having a full-on panic attack at the sight of Mary Berry! :scared15: (re-read this last one a few times)
There have been few things I have excelled at in life but I can say that I've given health anxiety my A game. :roflmao:
Mary Berryitis!!! That's a new one for HA stalwarts!:D
flatterycat
20-05-22, 10:30
It's hard to imagine that you were ever that bad Nora. How did you recover?
flatterycat
20-05-22, 10:35
I've never had therapy for HA but have made my own "rules" which I stick to because I'm boringly disciplined when it comes to how I live! :) The therapy and meds package isn't necessarily a game changer in terms of alleviation of HA so don't feel that you are a "failure"?
You have done amazingly well to get to where you are without any therapy or medication.
flatterycat
20-05-22, 10:36
Omg Sarah I could have written this post I have suffered with anxiety since I was a kid and have had many rounds of various therapy I’m now 58 and it’s getting worse not better also like you I feel like the boy who cried wolf and think whatever “illness” I currently think I have will be the one that is real and will finish me off spent 30 minutes today checking and re checking my blood pressure and now convinced I’m on the verge of a heart attack or a stroke it’s exhausting and relentless and sometimes I hate being me wishing you peace of mind soon
Hi Smogie
Sorry to hear you are struggling too. You've described my thought processes exactly.
flatterycat
20-05-22, 10:41
Still struggling here.
I'm very tearful and just about holding it all together. I sent an econsult to my doctors and received a text message to say that I already have a telephone appointment booked in for next Thursday, so the doctor will speak to me then. I think this appointment was already in the system as my doc rings me every few weeks to check in on me. All I can think is that my results are abnormal and that as my doctor is already speaking to me next week, they know it will be dealt with then. I feel sick with anxiety and can't think straight.
Mary Berryitis!!! That's a new one for HA stalwarts!:D
I'm special. :emot-prettywink:
It's hard to imagine that you were ever that bad Nora.
I had a mental breakdown FC. It was as bad as it gets (and still be alive)
Correction: It's next to last in terms as as bad as it gets - there is another level and that's to be admitted to a mental hospital. (and my husband apparently gave this some serious thought)
How did you recover?
Firstly, I prefer the term, 'control my health anxiety' because I have OCD, other MH disorders, a brain that's at odds with the world, and I came out me Ma's foo worrying. It's work in progress and always will be but I do believe that people who are less complex can absolutely kick this condition to the gutter..
In answer to your question..
I worked my @rse off. I tried everything and anything. If somebody had told me to go roll around a field of cow pats during a full moon (and it would help) I would have done it. There were lots of things that didn't work but I just kept going..
The most important thing I did was to accept death, dying, and that fact that one day I won't be here (and the world will not fall part)
flatterycat
20-05-22, 11:33
I had a mental breakdown FC. It was as bad as it gets (and still be alive)
Firstly, I prefer the term, 'control my health anxiety' because I have OCD, other MH disorders, a brain that's at odds with the world, and I came out me Ma's foo worrying. It's work in progress and always will be but I do believe that people who are less complex can absolutely kick this condition to the gutter..
In answer to your question..
I worked my @rse off. I tried everything and anything. If somebody had told me to go roll around a field of cow pats during a full moon (and it would help) I would have done it. There were lots of things that didn't work but I just kept going..
The most important thing I did was to accept death, dying, and that fact that one day I won't be here (and the world will not fall part)
I believe I also came out of my mum with anxiety - I can remember the first time I actually worried about my health (when I was around 5 or 6).
Love the cow pat analogy - I can completely agree with that - if it helped, I'd do it.
My OCD is awful right now, especially while waiting for these blood test results. Did/do you take any medication for the anxiety?
I believe I also came out of my mum with anxiety - I can remember the first time I actually worried about my health (when I was around 5 or 6).
Me too. I recall being five years old and experiencing what I now know to be health anxiety. I understand that I was experiencing constant fight or flight (coinciding with school) and that these strange symptoms made me think I was unwell and this was the pattern until I learned about the stress response..
Love the cow pat analogy - I can completely agree with that - if it helped, I'd do it.:shades:
Did/do you take any medication for the anxiety?
Unfortunately for me, when I had my latest (and most severe) flare up of HA, I'd also developed fibromyalgia (with multiple chemical sensitivity) so the anxiety meds I'd previously taken without having side-effect issues were now incredibly problematic, and at the lowest dose. My doc tried me on several medications but I had to be taken off all of them within a few days. I controlled my HA with therapy alone (and of course going through my lifestyle with a very fine toothcomb to see where potential triggers/stimulants were) because I had no choice. I think there is a really good argument for the combination of meds & therapy but relying on meds alone for HA will only ever take the edge off the symptoms. Meds can get us into a more receptive state in order to engage with (and benefit from) therapy but they will not deal with the root cause..
Still struggling here.
I'm very tearful and just about holding it all together. I sent an econsult to my doctors and received a text message to say that I already have a telephone appointment booked in for next Thursday, so the doctor will speak to me then. I think this appointment was already in the system as my doc rings me every few weeks to check in on me. All I can think is that my results are abnormal and that as my doctor is already speaking to me next week, they know it will be dealt with then. I feel sick with anxiety and can't think straight.
You are not thinking straight. Abnormal blood test results are notified to the patient there and then not delayed for a week.
You have done amazingly well to get to where you are without any therapy or medication.
I've had 2 bouts of hospitalisation but decided I was going to do better by making my own rules and sticking to them if I could. Rules for me just meant self-care and asking myself what benefit would come from giving in to certain behaviours or checking rituals. I also had huge motivation to get better as I had to have carers for my children and I hated that. MH community care is pretty rubbish in Surrey so it was down to me to sort myself out realistically.
Rules for me just meant self-care and asking myself what benefit would come from giving in to certain behaviours or checking rituals.
THIS!!!!!
flatterycat
21-05-22, 08:08
Woke up this morning with churning stomach and feelings of dread. You all know the drill!
I keep going over and over the fact that the doctor would have called me if my results were normal, instead of them saying I have an appointment booked anyway and can chat to doctor then. Really finding it hard to cope.
What sorts of rules did you put in place Pulisa and Nora?
x
Why would a GP make an extra phone call to tell a patient that her blood tests were normal when she already had a routine appointment booked in for the following week?
Woke up this morning with churning stomach and feelings of dread. You all know the drill!
I keep going over and over the fact that the doctor would have called me if my results were normal
My doctor would never do that...:huh: I've never heard of that at all. :unsure:
What sorts of rules did you put in place Pulisa and Nora?
Rules in respect to what, exactly?
flatterycat
21-05-22, 09:39
Yes I completely understand that.
It’s because my doctor is very supportive and knows the levels of anxiety I experience waiting for results. Having said that, she only works on a Thursday.
flatterycat
21-05-22, 09:41
Rules in respect to what, exactly?[/QUOTE]
My mistake. I see know you were talking about rules around challenging the HA. I read it as you both having put in place rules about checking, ocd type behaviour
Yes I completely understand that.
It’s because my doctor is very supportive and knows the levels of anxiety I experience waiting for results. Having said that, she only works on a Thursday.
I would suggest not being overly reliant on your doctor's "support" because being able to wait for results is just what happens in the NHS regardless of whether you have HA or not. You haven't had a phone call so you are panicking. To me no phone call would mean "phew"..no problems because the surgery is quick to get in touch with me with any issues which need a follow up. I'm just like any other patient.
flatterycat
21-05-22, 19:23
I would suggest not being overly reliant on your doctor's "support" because being able to wait for results is just what happens in the NHS regardless of whether you have HA or not. You haven't had a phone call so you are panicking. To me no phone call would mean "phew"..no problems because the surgery is quick to get in touch with me with any issues which need a follow up. I'm just like any other patient.
Thanks Pulisa
A couple of years ago it was suggested that I stick to one GP instead of seeing so many different ones, which I was doing at the time. My GP agreed that she would support me and that’s when we changed my medication. She would ring me every few weeks and check in and if there was anything worrying me she would see me if she felt it was needed. Then she went down to one day a week. The idea of this was that it would stop me rushing to doctors in between.
I’ve tried really hard to keep busy today but keep getting waves of feeling a bit nauseous and panicky and then needing to rush to the loo. I don’t know if this is down to all the high anxiety over the last week or so, but it’s just another thing my HA is latching on to.
I hope you’re all having a nice evening x
Did she ever say that an appointment wasn't necessary and if so, how did you cope with that? Personally i wouldn't have wanted a GP to ring me every few weeks because it would have given my mind something to work on in anticipation of the call and would represent a "safety net" which really was a safety behaviour and unhelpful to me in the long run.
It's quite normal for your guts to play up due to continuous high anxiety..or to go the other way and slow down. i'm sorry that you're having such a rough time..Do you have any diazepam to take in a crisis just to help calm you down a bit?
flatterycat
21-05-22, 23:22
Did she ever say that an appointment wasn't necessary and if so, how did you cope with that? Personally i wouldn't have wanted a GP to ring me every few weeks because it would have given my mind something to work on in anticipation of the call and would represent a "safety net" which really was a safety behaviour and unhelpful to me in the long run.
It's quite normal for your guts to play up due to continuous high anxiety..or to go the other way and slow down. i'm sorry that you're having such a rough time..Do you have any diazepam to take in a crisis just to help calm you down a bit?
She has reassured me over the phone and not wanted to see me, but it’s often something I’ve found while checking so on those occasions I’ve gone in.
I know what you you’re saying and deep down I know it’s been a safety net that I’ve created. I think she’s been there more because I lost my mum last year and I’ve really struggled with that. I still cannot believe she’s gone and it’s still really painful if I allow myself to think about her.
I already take Sertraline and Pregabalin (very low doses) and that makes me feel bad enough that I’m on the two, so I wouldn’t want to take anything else. However, I might consider increasing the Pregabalin for a while.
Did she ever say that an appointment wasn't necessary and if so, how did you cope with that? Personally i wouldn't have wanted a GP to ring me every few weeks because it would have given my mind something to work on in anticipation of the call and would represent a "safety net" which really was a safety behaviour and unhelpful to me in the long run.
I agree with this. No doubt the doctor thought that she was trying to help FC but safety behaviour only serves to keep HA going..
I think she’s been there more because I lost my mum last year and I’ve really struggled with that. I still cannot believe she’s gone and it’s still really painful if I allow myself to think about her.
I really struggled when I lost my Mum, FC. I was still very much in the denial stage of grief after a year. It took my several years to reach the acceptance stage but I got there and now I think about her a lot of the time and without it hurting. It helped me to 'talk' about her. At the time, I was a blogger. I wrote about my mum in my own way which was with humour. I wrote about the time when we were kids and we were holidaying in Bournemouth. We drove to the seaside for the day and were almost there when I noticed a flash of pink in the footwell on Mum's side of the car. Mum was still wearing her slippers - pink fluffy mules which were the height of fashion in the 70s. I pointed this out to her and she started having a go at my dad for having rushed her out of the holiday cottage lol. Dad (between the howls of laughter) had to do a detour to the local shop to buy her a pair of flip-flops. He came out swinging a pair of bright yellow ones. Mum wasn't thrilled at all(yellow was not her colour) but it was all they had in her size and at least she had something to wear on her feet. Later that day she got caught in some quick sand. Dad got her get out swiftly enough but she was minus one of the flip-flops, so it was back on with the pink fluffy slippers! I got a lot of feedback on this story and a few years later, a lady messaged me and she told me how she'd laughed at this story and how my mum came across as such a character, and that's because she was. Mum was a real life Hyacinth Bucket (sorry, Bouquet) and it really helped me to focus on the many laughs she gave us rather than her last morning on this earth..
I lost my dad when I was 26, and that was bad enough, but losing my mum was much worse. The pain eases in time but you never get over losing a parent. I don't think so anyway. I just learned to live without them but I became a different version of myself with each loss..
One day, I was in a café looking at a mother and father with their grown up daughter (presumably) and it hit me that I was a daughter in my memories, on paper, and in photographs, but I was no longer a daughter in life. Both my parents were gone and I was overwhelmed with sadness. At that moment, a song started playing and it was one of theirs. I felt like they were saying, 'We're still here. You're still our daughter..'
What's your take on the afterlife, FC? Are you a believer? If so, there's lots of literature which can help & comfort you. If you're not a believer, there's lots of literature that can help you there too. Grief counselling might be useful for you? Or if you like writing, maybe write about your mum? It can be incredibly cathartic..
I'm sorry you're struggling but I get it because I've been there. :hugs:
One day, you will be able to think about your mum and it not cause you pain.
One day you will want to think about her, and it will comfort you to do so..
I have a beautiful picture of Mum holding me in her arms when I was about 12 months old. I'm gazing off into the distance (as per) but she looks happy (rare for her in photographs) and she always told me that having me made her very happy. I didn't know this photograph even existed until last year when I asked my (much older) cousins if they had any pictures of Mum or Dad. My cousin went into her attic and found a load of old (projector) films and I got them printed out as photographs. Since the only picture I had of me as a baby went missing years ago - you can imagine my joy at finding this one?
flatterycat
22-05-22, 08:28
I really struggled when I lost my Mum, FC. I was still very much in the denial stage of grief after a year. It took my several years to reach the acceptance stage but I got there and now I think about her a lot of the time and without it hurting. It helped me to 'talk' about her. At the time, I was a blogger. I wrote about my mum in my own way which was with humour. I wrote about the time when we were kids and we were holidaying in Bournemouth. We drove to the seaside for the day and were almost there when I noticed a flash of pink in the footwell on Mum's side of the car. Mum was still wearing her slippers - pink fluffy mules which were the height of fashion in the 70s. I pointed this out to her and she started having a go at my dad for having rushed her out of the holiday cottage lol. Dad (between the howls of laughter) had to do a detour to the local shop to buy her a pair of flip-flops. He came out swinging a pair of bright yellow ones. Mum wasn't thrilled at all(yellow was not her colour) but it was all they had in her size and at least she had something to wear on her feet. Later that day she got caught in some quick sand. Dad got her get out swiftly enough but she was minus one of the flip-flops, so it was back on with the pink fluffy slippers! I got a lot of feedback on this story and a few years later, a lady messaged me and she told me how she'd laughed at this story and how my mum came across as such a character, and that's because she was. Mum was a real life Hyacinth Bucket (sorry, Bouquet) and it really helped me to focus on the many laughs she gave us rather than her last morning on this earth..
I lost my dad when I was 26, and that was bad enough, but losing my mum was much worse. The pain eases in time but you never get over losing a parent. I don't think so anyway. I just learned to live without them but I became a different version of myself with each loss..
One day, I was in a café looking at a mother and father with their grown up daughter (presumably) and it hit me that I was a daughter in my memories, on paper, and in photographs, but I was no longer a daughter in life. Both my parents were gone and I was overwhelmed with sadness. At that moment, a song started playing and it was one of theirs. I felt like they were saying, 'We're still here. You're still our daughter..'
What's your take on the afterlife, FC? Are you a believer? If so, there's lots of literature which can help & comfort you. If you're not a believer, there's lots of literature that can help you there too. Grief counselling might be useful for you? Or if you like writing, maybe write about your mum? It can be incredibly cathartic..
I'm sorry you're struggling but I get it because I've been there. :hugs:
One day, you will be able to think about your mum and it not cause you pain.
One day you will want to think about her, and it will comfort you to do so..
I have a beautiful picture of Mum holding me in her arms when I was about 12 months old. I'm gazing off into the distance (as per) but she looks happy (rare for her in photographs) and she always told me that having me made her very happy. I didn't know this photograph even existed until last year when I asked my (much older) cousins if they had any pictures of Mum or Dad. My cousin went into her attic and found a load of old (projector) films and I got them printed out as photographs. Since the only picture I had of me as a baby went missing years ago - you can imagine my joy at finding this one?
Thank you for sharing those wonderful memories of you mum Nora. I’m sat here crying, even though your story was so funny. I haven’t had any grief counselling. Not long after we lost mum we moved house into a bit of a project and every spare moment has been spent doing the renovations. We are doing it bit by bit because we can’t afford to get people in to do everything and I’ve found that’s been a big distraction, especially while working full time too. As for the afterlife question, that’s another one of my biggest fears (if not the biggest) and I know deep down (and from your own posts) that it’s at the root of my HA.
Thank you for all the help you are giving me x
Special photographs are absolutely priceless, aren't they?....They really can speak to you.
It'll be 32 years at the end of May since I lost my Mum suddenly. My son can barely remember her and my daughter never got to know her as she wasn't born until the following year. Your grief and devastation will still be profound, FC along with a sense of incredibility that she is no longer "there" and the void could well be the cause of your increased anxiety, insecurity and desperate need to keep a very close eye on your own health?
Has your GP ever suggested Cruse counselling and would it be an acceptable option for you to consider? As for meds, if you think you need more pregabalin then ask your GP about this possibility? My son is on a whole load of psych meds to keep as stable as possible and my daughter is on pregabalin which has helped her more than any other AD. Don't feel ashamed of being on psych meds:hugs:
Thank you for sharing those wonderful memories of you mum Nora. I’m sat here crying, even though your story was so funny. I haven’t had any grief counselling. Not long after we lost mum we moved house into a bit of a project and every spare moment has been spent doing the renovations. We are doing it bit by bit because we can’t afford to get people in to do everything and I’ve found that’s been a big distraction, especially while working full time too. As for the afterlife question, that’s another one of my biggest fears (if not the biggest) and I know deep down (and from your own posts) that it’s at the root of my HA.
RE grief counselling? Maybe it would be an idea to ask your doctor to sort this out for you?
Weird one with me and the afterlife. I lost my fear of death (itself) when I was 12. This was because of a profound experience I had. HA went into hibernation for 5 years until I had my first child and then it was back, and how! Even more so when I had my third child who is autistic, and I had him late. The fear of dying and leaving him consumed me. Death itself? Not afraid at all. There are several aspects to health anxiety that we need to accept in order to effectively control the condition. This is to accept our own mortality, the acceptance of potential illness (but that this doesn't mean death) and the acceptance that our children will survive when we die. They will be sad, yes, but if we've done our jobs right as parents then they will not only survive, but thrive. So what matters is what we do now while we are alive because that's all we ever really have...
Distractions can be helpful FC but when it comes to grieving the loss of someone we love we really do have to face our feelings in order to heal...
flatterycat
22-05-22, 09:03
Special photographs are absolutely priceless, aren't they?....They really can speak to you.
It'll be 32 years at the end of May since I lost my Mum suddenly. My son can barely remember her and my daughter never got to know her as she wasn't born until the following year. Your grief and devastation will still be profound, FC along with a sense of incredibility that she is no longer "there" and the void could well be the cause of your increased anxiety, insecurity and desperate need to keep a very close eye on your own health?
Has your GP ever suggested Cruse counselling and would it be an acceptable option for you to consider? As for meds, if you think you need more pregabalin then ask your GP about this possibility? My son is on a whole load of psych meds to keep as stable as possible and my daughter is on pregabalin which has helped her more than any other AD. Don't feel ashamed of being on psych meds:hugs:
Thanks Pulisa - sorry about your mum too.
Your last bit about your daughter taking Pregabalin has really helped. I’ve been on an Ssri for pretty much 20 years now, but when the doctor gave me Pregabalin 2 years ago, it was the one that really made a difference to my general anxiety levels. However there’s so much negative press around it (as there is around any drug if you look hard enough) that I reduced from 150mg to 75mg, so I know that I’m not taking the initial dose I was subscribed. My thinking was that I am still getting HA so the drugs weren’t really helping. Time to review.
Anxiety is really high again this morning and the blood test results are just on a loop in my head. I so want the doctor to tell me they are all normal so I can move on. But there’s a little voice that questions if I will.
flatterycat
22-05-22, 09:28
Distractions can be helpful FC but when it comes to grieving the loss of someone we love we really do have to face our feelings in order to heal...[/QUOTE]
I do feel a little bit like I’ve used the move and work as a distraction to quite a high level.
I think you have to have a distraction in order not to be overwhelmed and it's not as if you have blocked out your grief. Grief hurts and continues to hurt but inevitably we all have to face the world again even though we don't want to and why should everyone else just carry on when our loss is so immense and intense?
I'm sure your mum would have been very proud of your promotion to Head. Working on your new house to make things just as you want them must be very satisfying too. These are positive and practical ways of coping through grief but they don't take away the emotional pain.
You're on a very low dose of pregabalin. The bad press comes from much much higher doses which have not been prescribed by doctors. It's a controlled drug now so is prescribed and monitored very carefully. It has certainly been a good choice for my daughter.
flatterycat
22-05-22, 16:15
I think you have to have a distraction in order not to be overwhelmed and it's not as if you have blocked out your grief. Grief hurts and continues to hurt but inevitably we all have to face the world again even though we don't want to and why should everyone else just carry on when our loss is so immense and intense?
I'm sure your mum would have been very proud of your promotion to Head. Working on your new house to make things just as you want them must be very satisfying too. These are positive and practical ways of coping through grief but they don't take away the emotional pain.
You're on a very low dose of pregabalin. The bad press comes from much much higher doses which have not been prescribed by doctors. It's a controlled drug now so is prescribed and monitored very carefully. It has certainly been a good choice for my daughter.
Thank Pulisa - I really do appreciate your words. Hearing what you say about Pregabalin has helped a lot. I think if I were to take more it would help. I’m still stuck in a very negative thought pattern and despite knowing this I don’t change it. For instance, I can’t do some of the things I’d like to do because I keep getting overwhelming waves of fear which make me think there’s no point in doing this that or the other if I’ve got this or that disease. I’m saying to myself that if my blood results are normal I will do it. If my bloods are normal I will try it. If my bloods are normal I will try harder. I know this is an awful way to think but the ocd urges I get alongside (e.g if I touch that 3 times, it’ll be ok) It’s exhausting. Then I think of the appointments I attended with mum and how brave she was and I know I should stop being so self-pitying.
The head of school post wasn’t something I went for, I got it because I’m already the deputy there and there will be an executive head over two schools. I’ve never wanted to be a head and so I feel very unsure of the role, although I’m prepared to give it a go. The exec head is so much different to our current head and I’m quite nervous about meeting their expectations.
Today I’ve managed to do some weeding, mowed the lawn and sorted the hens out. Since we moved it’s been non-stop. We’ve just had our 11th skip taken!! We’ve also had builders in converting part of our house and the annexe outside. Originally mum and dad were going to do it up and move in, but dad is still going ahead. My relationship with my dad is quite up n down so I’m a bit nervous about that but I also like that my mum saw the place and loved it. Anxiety has been high all day and I’ve gone through different scenarios about my blood test results. Anyway, I’m waffling…
x
No you're not..It's good to talk!
My mother in law (91) had some bloods taken on Thursday morning.The phlebotomist told her that the doctor would ring her very quickly if anything worrying was found and that "no news is good news". She hasn't heard anything at all. That's good news as regards timescale and the lab's reporting back to the GP.
I know that you will not compare this to your own vigil but it's just how the system routinely works and from my own experience I would be satisfied that everything was satisfactory. I appreciate that you won't be though as you will be working out all sorts of scenarios to prepare yourself for bad news. What would your mum advise you to do in this situation if she were with you now?
flatterycat
24-05-22, 09:20
Thanks again Pulisa and I hope your mother in law gets good results.
I’m still a mess. Haven’t heard about results yet but know that it’s because I already have a telephone appointment booked and that they see that as when they will go through results. I know if there was anything urgent they would (hopefully) have let me know, however I also know that a small abnormal result would wait until my appointment.
I am terrified of a few results but mainly that I will have anemia. I know is really common but I also know from previous googling that it can be a sign of cancer in non-menstruating women. I have convinced myself that that’s what they will tell me. Or another result will be off that can also be a sign of a cancer. My hubby said to just ring and ask for my results but I’m so scared. All contact I’ve made so far has been through their e-consult system asking to speak to a doctor because my anxiety is so high waiting for results. Both times I’ve received a message back saying I already have an appointment to talk to the doctor. Sorry to go on but I’m such a mess and need to get it out there.
You must regret asking to have the bloods done in the first place? Why did you?
There are a lot of "I know"s in your reasoning about how this is all going to pan out. Actually you don't "know " anything yet..You've just convinced yourself that you do. There's no factual element to that as it's all supposition based on fear and a sense of preparing yourself for bad news. I presume you will hear on Thursday?
flatterycat
24-05-22, 14:24
You must regret asking to have the bloods done in the first place? Why did you?
There are a lot of "I know"s in your reasoning about how this is all going to pan out. Actually you don't "know " anything yet..You've just convinced yourself that you do. There's no factual element to that as it's all supposition based on fear and a sense of preparing yourself for bad news. I presume you will hear on Thursday?
Pulisa - I rang the results line in the end. She proceeded to read every test I’d had with the result. All normal except she said the B12 was on the low side. Never had this before. She said I have an appointment on Thursday anyway. She repeated (when I asked) that everything else was normal. I feel less anxious now, although I’m on edge about the b12 as know it’s classed as an anemia. My husband also said the same as you about asking for the bloods in the first place - says I’m looking for trouble.
You'll prove him right if you search for "reasons for low B12" on Dr Google. Or maybe you already have gone down this route instead of waiting for the GP to talk about YOUR lowish levels in person? I notice that you have used the US spelling for anaemia?
flatterycat
24-05-22, 19:21
You'll prove him right if you search for "reasons for low B12" on Dr Google. Or maybe you already have gone down this route instead of waiting for the GP to talk about YOUR lowish levels in person? I notice that you have used the US spelling for anaemia?
I haven’t, but it’s a conscious effort not to!
As for spelling - mistake my end.
I know that Nora had low B12 levels recently and i believe that she was just prescribed a supplement but I'm sure she'll elaborate when she's next online.
Do you feel compelled to seek out trouble, health-wise? One of my "rules" re my personal self-care is to only have tests/self-monitor if I think good will come of it and that I won't trigger my HA. I will also turn down tests if there is no clinical need. I don't ever ask for tests because I'm not medically trained and every test comes with its potential triggers.
flatterycat
25-05-22, 09:45
I know that Nora had low B12 levels recently and i believe that she was just prescribed a supplement but I'm sure she'll elaborate when she's next online.
Do you feel compelled to seek out trouble, health-wise? One of my "rules" re my personal self-care is to only have tests/self-monitor if I think good will come of it and that I won't trigger my HA. I will also turn down tests if there is no clinical need. I don't ever ask for tests because I'm not medically trained and every test comes with its potential triggers.
Yes I always feel like I need to be vigilant health wise.
Yes I always feel like I need to be vigilant health wise.
There's being vigilant and then there's being obsessively vigilant. I think it's sensible to be aware of red flag symptoms and to make a GP appointment if they occur to get a professional medical opinion. I don't think it's helpful or healthy to believe that hypervigilance is necessary as a protection mechanism against illness. I don't believe it's helpful to believe that researching and googling endlessly will give anyone greater knowledge than that of a trained doctor. I think it's really important to get the balance right to protect mental health.
flatterycat
25-05-22, 14:46
There's being vigilant and then there's being obsessively vigilant. I think it's sensible to be aware of red flag symptoms and to make a GP appointment if they occur to get a professional medical opinion. I don't think it's helpful or healthy to believe that hypervigilance is necessary as a protection mechanism against illness. I don't believe it's helpful to believe that researching and googling endlessly will give anyone greater knowledge than that of a trained doctor. I think it's really important to get the balance right to protect mental health.
Yeah you are so right. It’s learning ways to break the cycle and be able to see what’s sensible and what’s not. Unfortunately when I’m like this it’s hard to get any perspective. I think I’ve also got very low tolerance to any uncertainty at all. I notice that it’s all or nothing - as soon as I get a niggle or someone says get it checked, I have to sort it there and then. I wish I could be like those people on here who reach that point where they just say no more and finally manage the HA.
No reason why you can't. It's hard but this doesn't make it impossible. What's sensible is not googling and not rushing to the GP at the slightest niggle. If you do this you get a "reputation" and it doesn't bode well for being taken seriously in the future.
Good luck for tomorrow. Do ask about the pregabalin increase if you want to? x
flatterycat
25-05-22, 20:25
No reason why you can't. It's hard but this doesn't make it impossible. What's sensible is not googling and not rushing to the GP at the slightest niggle. If you do this you get a "reputation" and it doesn't bode well for being taken seriously in the future.
Good luck for tomorrow. Do ask about the pregabalin increase if you want to? x
Thanks. I will definitely talk about the Pregabalin.
I can relate to so much of your thread - I'm also mid 50s and also worry that 'this time' my luck will run out, especially now I'm in the "risky" age group.
I'm exactly the same waiting for test results, feel physically sick phoning up for them. I had a CT scan 10 days ago as I ended up in a&e with unexplained bruising which was almost certainly caused by the Sertraline I was taking for my health anxiety (ironic eh?!) Bruising now gone with stopping the drug & bloods normal but trace of blood in urine, although period started next day so surely that?! I know they only ordered the scan to be thorough but I'm terrified of what it will show. I was told my GP will contact me with results after 2 weeks and I jump everytime the phone goes. I'm hoping no news is good news and suspect I will end up having to call them for results but the thought of making that call gives me a full on panic attack.
Sympathies - HA socks.
flatterycat
04-06-22, 09:47
I can relate to so much of your thread - I'm also mid 50s and also worry that 'this time' my luck will run out, especially now I'm in the "risky" age group.
I'm exactly the same waiting for test results, feel physically sick phoning up for them. I had a CT scan 10 days ago as I ended up in a&e with unexplained bruising which was almost certainly caused by the Sertraline I was taking for my health anxiety (ironic eh?!) Bruising now gone with stopping the drug & bloods normal but trace of blood in urine, although period started next day so surely that?! I know they only ordered the scan to be thorough but I'm terrified of what it will show. I was told my GP will contact me with results after 2 weeks and I jump everytime the phone goes. I'm hoping no news is good news and suspect I will end up having to call them for results but the thought of making that call gives me a full on panic attack.
Sympathies - HA socks.
Hi Dobbiedoo
Sorry to hear you struggle too. Waiting for results is awful isn’t it, but I do know that if they see a problem, they contact you really quickly. That fear of ‘this time’ is also horrible and so hard to explain to others. I just wish I could get over the constant feeling that I’m ill and start enjoying things. After I got my blood results back I immediately started worrying about another issue and that’s continued over the last week or so, changing occasionally to other concerns. I know this is typical of HA, but that doesn’t make me immune to getting something and at 53, I feel like I’m now at even more risk.
Im sure your results will be fine - Sarah x
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