View Full Version : Work fear/anxiety
Hi all, I apologize for being a bit of a frequent flyer as of late; I've just had a lot of things to stress about all at once and it's made it hard to cope with any one thing.
My biggest anxiety for awhile has been feeling unsafe in general. I had a big fear of being robbed or someone breaking into my house while I was at work. I also have a fear of someone doing it at night. Every night before I go to bed I go through my entire house just to make sure no one is hiding there (thankfully it's a smaller house), and have to check the window locks, etc. I still sleep with a light (and sometimes the TV) on, and with pepper spray and a screwdriver next to my bed just in case. Anytime I hear something that remotely sounds like a bang outside, I panic. I've been obsessively keeping up with the city police reports that they put out daily, but I know they're not super accurate because I've seen posts where the police have responded to gunshots but there's never a mention of those in the reports.
Unfortunately, my fears have now bled into my job. There have been some threats made towards someone at my workplace, not specifically in my department but in a department that mine works with regularly. I don't think that someone would target me individually because I'm low level admin. But people are just so crazy lately - what if they did? And what if they didn't even have to target me individually, what if they just came into my office and caused harm? I also have a lot of panic that what if they didn't come after me, but they came to my home and hurt my pets, or they went after my family members?
I know that I need to find a new workplace anyway, because even though I really do love my job, it really doesn't pay well (though the benefits are amazing). But this is like a kick in the pants to get moving. I was going to possibly make a push to move up in my office, but now I don't know if I should. And I have no idea what other career I'm going to step into. Or if I could have any job security with the recession coming up. I'm just so stressed and so scared.
And I was thinking, how would I even know I could find a safe place to live/work? I may be able to go somewhere that seems less likely to be under threat, but all it takes is one person to freak out. Schools aren't safe. Medical settings aren't safe. Banks probably wouldn't be. Tech might be physically safer but I'm hearing that those jobs aren't always stable. I'm just in a major panic and don't know what to do. I feel like I've made terrible life choices.
There was a woman who was shot and killed in a Subway because she put too much mayo on a man’s sandwich. I read that and went into a panic - nothing is safe.
I was able to distract myself a bit today as I visited with family, but I’m back home and it’s just as bad or worse. It’s so hard for me to leave my house because I am so afraid someone will hurt my dog. Even with alarms and cameras, if someone wanted to do something bad they could before anyone could stop them. And I just don’t know how to feel safer.
There was a woman who was shot and killed in a Subway because she put too much mayo on a man’s sandwich. I read that and went into a panic - nothing is safe.
Poppy, you're reading about it because incidents like this (in the grand scheme of things) are uncommon. The majority of Subway operatives (and people in general) go about their lives safely.
I was able to distract myself a bit today as I visited with family, but I’m back home and it’s just as bad or worse. It’s so hard for me to leave my house because I am so afraid someone will hurt my dog. Even with alarms and cameras, if someone wanted to do something bad they could before anyone could stop them. And I just don’t know how to feel safer.
Do you have OCD?
Maybe stay away from the news? Don't go seeking this stuff out...
I think seeking this stuff out just feeds into the feeling of being unsafe as Nora says. Not being able to resist the lure of material which we know will be really unhelpful to us but which we just have to do because we "need" to..Or because it's a way of filling spare time?
There are a lot of "what if's" in your first post..and also that uncertainty around getting another job..You really love your job so why rock the boat now of all times? Your mental health is wobbly and putting yourself through the stress of job searching and all that entails...? This cost of living crisis must be a real trigger re your pay but is money the be all and end all? Your parents won't let you go under. Having good and stable mental health is priceless and a increased pay cheque doesn't guarantee "safety".
P is right, changing jobs is extremely stressful! My view is that you can change your job, you can move house, you can even move country but you don't leave your anxiety behind (unless of course it was directly related to the work you were doing). Does that make sense? Work on the anxiety itself and when you're in a better place mentally, then think 'do I really want to change jobs?'.
You certainly do take your anxiety with you! Also a change of jobs now would just bring you more uncertainty which would add to your feeling of being "unsafe". Do you really want to take on another challenge now? Who or what am I doing this for?
Thanks for the replies. I wasn't really seeking out news at all, as I'm trying to shield from some of that stuff. It just happened across social media without much warning.
I need to switch jobs because more money would be great, but also I need to just move up/get a new challenge. My job is really stagnant and there's no room for advancement. I love it because I love the people I work with and I like a lot of what I do, it's just become a bit repetitive. It was my goal at the beginning of the year to take steps into a new career path, but honestly I'd be lying if I said my fears aren't really pushing me quickly. We have a "contact us" section on our website and a few days ago there was a rant posted about the goings on, and we heard from our marketing department that they had received calls as well. I'm not really involved with what's going on, but I am so afraid someone will see my name on the site and just lump me in, or dox me or something; and of course if they came into my totally unsecured office as well there's not much that can be done.
It's funny (ish), but my dad worked with water/wastewater and he would receive threats from people as well. So really, even the most mundane of things are risky, but that was before the pandemic. People are just so much angrier now, and it's getting worse. I just want to hide from it all. But really, for as unsafe as I personally feel I am much more concerned that something would happen to those that I love. I would never forgive myself.
I think it's less the idea of uncertainty that is making me feel unsafe, and more the thought of a mob coming after me. I'm not really afraid of the abstract, but actual people doing harm.
Nora, I've never been officially diagnosed with OCD, but there have been times on my third or fourth round of checking the house that I wonder. I may speak with my therapist about this stuff but really, there's not really anything she can do aside from support me in changing jobs, if that's the path I take. I may also talk to my mom about job changing and see what she has to say, though I am cautious to mention the outside "threats" to her as I don't want her to worry.
I had a good time with family this weekend and mostly was able to ignore my fears, though admittedly every now and then I'd remember them and feel stressed/sad. I know I shouldn't read into anything, but before my brother left he told us all to "be careful" and that just felt a bit ominous. I met with friends for lunch today, both had gone to the local fireworks show and one asked if I heard about the shootings on the 4th, and he said he had wondered if the fireworks were a safe place to be, since its such a huge event. They had a good time but I did have to agree with him, though the area they have it is fairly spread out so a bit harder to target, I would hope.
Anyway, I have to go to work tomorrow and I won't lie, the idea of doing so has me scared and upset. But there's not really anything to be done about it, I have to go.
I did decide to at least look into job postings to see if there is anything I might qualify for. I'm still nervous about it for a handful of reasons. But I also suppose I do need to grow, as well. But I think the pandemic really changed the job landscape in a lot of ways.
I don't know if that would make me feel safer, or not. Maybe just unsafe in a different way. Everything just feels so temperamental. I spend so much time worrying about what the next "right" move is, and so afraid that I'll slip up and something bad will happen.
I have to admit, last night was really rough. I took my dog out to use the bathroom and turned on my hose to water my plants, which is on the side of my house. I noticed that my neighbor's basement door was open. I held my dog pretty closely because I was worried someone would pop out (he doesn't like strangers) but no one did and the lights were off, and the door is still open this morning. Which made me worried that someone had kicked it in to steal something, which then made me worry more that someone could kick in my doors or my basement windows or something.
To top it off, I think people were still setting off fireworks last night. It started with some popping noises outside, that continued and got louder sometimes, but of course I spent a lot of time playing "fireworks or gunshots?". The police never appeared to come, so I guess fireworks. But between those two things I didn't get much rest at all, as every little noise I heard I was wondering if something was happening.
I recall feeling similar anxieties back in the early 2000s when the UK went through a bit of a gun crime epidemic, though obviously not quite the same as certain other countries of the world where gun crime is generally more prevalent (sorry Poppy), plus our 'epidemic' back then was mainly concentrated in the big cities and rarely in the smaller towns and villages. Ditto for knife crime today, which, still, is not only mainly concentrated in the major cities and larger metropolitan areas, but usually involves perpetrators and victims who are known to each other (and more often than not, drug and/or gang-related), while random attacks on strangers simply for kicks are generally quite rare.
In fact, it does also seem that especially in our increasingly cashless society, more 'traditional' crimes, such as street muggings of individuals, armed robberies of shops, etc, have declined in prevalence over the past decade or so.
Lenco, we haven't really had any sort of mass event where I am, though in the US that's always just a matter of "yet". Most crime tends to be on a smaller scale. My city is generally pretty safe, and I live in what I'd call a medium-safe area. There's a lot of college kids here, and to be honest I feel a lot safer when they are all back. But there's been an uptick in drug use/trafficking, homelessness, and theft.
And since I'm in town, there are people who just sort of wander by and they aren't always on the up and up. Mostly it's just crimes of opportunity, so if your door is locked you're okay, but I see video camera recordings that people post sometimes of individuals trying doors to see if they are unlocked or looking at windows to see if they can break in, that kind of stuff, and that scares me. Especially as things become more unstable and the economy worsens, I feel like it's just going to become more prevalent.
It makes me want to work remotely, so I can stay home and keep an eye on things. I know it's weird, but I'm of course afraid for my own safety, but I'm so worried about my pets. I have a little ledge my cat likes to sit on, and I was wondering the other day if that's a bad idea, what if someone decided to throw a rock at him, or worse, shoot at him? And I get so nervous leaving them alone because what if someone broke in and meant them harm? I'm going to have a rough time on vacation, as I'm leaving my cat behind and having someone drop in. I have an alarm system and a camera indoors and on my porch that alert me to movement, and a motion sensor in my basement but I feel like even if something happened, I may see it but I'd not get home in time to intervene, and my dog hates strangers so I wouldn't trust any sort of police force to keep him safe.
Anyway, I'm rambling again. It's frightening, but it also makes it really hard for me to get excited about making updates to my house. I knew this wouldn't be my forever home, but I feel like it just makes me want to get a better paying job so I can move, as if I could find a safer place to live somewhere else. Honestly, I need to move upward in my career anyway, both for my own personal goals and to build up my savings. I'm afraid that in a year or so my dog is going to have more health care costs and I don't want finances to be the reason I can't care for him.
Lenco, we haven't really had any sort of mass event where I am, though in the US that's always just a matter of "yet". Most crime tends to be on a smaller scale. My city is generally pretty safe, and I live in what I'd call a medium-safe area. There's a lot of college kids here, and to be honest I feel a lot safer when they are all back. But there's been an uptick in drug use/trafficking, homelessness, and theft.
And since I'm in town, there are people who just sort of wander by and they aren't always on the up and up. Mostly it's just crimes of opportunity, so if your door is locked you're okay, but I see video camera recordings that people post sometimes of individuals trying doors to see if they are unlocked or looking at windows to see if they can break in, that kind of stuff, and that scares me. Especially as things become more unstable and the economy worsens, I feel like it's just going to become more prevalent.
It makes me want to work remotely, so I can stay home and keep an eye on things. I know it's weird, but I'm of course afraid for my own safety, but I'm so worried about my pets. I have a little ledge my cat likes to sit on, and I was wondering the other day if that's a bad idea, what if someone decided to throw a rock at him, or worse, shoot at him? And I get so nervous leaving them alone because what if someone broke in and meant them harm? I'm going to have a rough time on vacation, as I'm leaving my cat behind and having someone drop in. I have an alarm system and a camera indoors and on my porch that alert me to movement, and a motion sensor in my basement but I feel like even if something happened, I may see it but I'd not get home in time to intervene, and my dog hates strangers so I wouldn't trust any sort of police force to keep him safe.
Anyway, I'm rambling again. It's frightening, but it also makes it really hard for me to get excited about making updates to my house. I knew this wouldn't be my forever home, but I feel like it just makes me want to get a better paying job so I can move, as if I could find a safer place to live somewhere else. Honestly, I need to move upward in my career anyway, both for my own personal goals and to build up my savings. I'm afraid that in a year or so my dog is going to have more health care costs and I don't want finances to be the reason I can't care for him.
Sorry to hear about your constant fear of something untoward happening to you both at work and at home, and of course you struggling with the current financial climate.
At least you aren't currently living in a full-on war zone like Ukraine or Syria right now.
Sorry to hear about your constant fear of something untoward happening to you both at work and at home, and of course you struggling with the current financial climate.
At least you aren't currently living in a full-on war zone like Ukraine or Syria right now.
Thanks, and I am certainly grateful of that. Our government is doing some pretty concerning things right now but hopefully it won't come to those extremes.
I've been working on addressing my anxieties as best I can, but it's been a bit of a struggle. I'm less anxious about work now; we have a new boss coming in a couple of months and that does make me a bit nervous as I'm hoping they don't implement a ton of changes. That said, I'm a bit optimistic as I'm thinking it will be a good transition time for me to explore other things.
At home, though, I've felt less secure. My neighbor the other night was screaming profanities at his cat, and that scared me, but I actually settled down pretty quickly. But of course other things have happened - I was walking home yesterday and I think someone may have catcalled at me and then shouted something else (angry) after I didn't respond, but I had one earphone in and I was too afraid to turn around, so I don't know who it was or if they even were talking to me. I also saw several police cars with a pulled over car on my way to work this afternoon, which I realize doesn't mean much of anything but it's still concerning.
I'm trying to stay off social media, but I find it's a hard line between scaring myself and just being aware of what's going on. Someone had a post that they had some yard supplies stolen by individuals they were pretty sure were on drugs, but it was on the other side of town; however someone commented on that post that two trailers had been stolen near where I live and that the thought people were "casing the area" which of course scared me, and then the police report today said that noon yesterday a woman's car was stolen about a block away from me. I suppose on the bright side no one seems to actually be breaking into houses and I keep everything locked and alarms on, but I'm just worried it could escalate.
I'm going on vacation in a month and was going to have someone come to my house and care for my cat, but now am thinking of boarding him so I don't have to worry about him while I'm away.
I think it feels more difficult too, being that I own my home. My kitchen is coming along really well and it's going to look so nice, but I just keep thinking if I was a renter I could cut loose at the end of a lease and move somewhere else; as is I'm kind of stuck where I am, and constantly worrying if each upgrade will improve house value as I don't know if I'm going to be here forever. Although I did start fantasizing the other day about just having my whole house moved somewhere else :roflmao:.
We have an important election coming up in our state in a couple of weeks, and people are heated about it, and I think it's making me extra nervous. My mom was sending out postcards and even she was wearing gloves while she did it "just in case", and she won't put out a yard sign for fear of retaliation - and she's not an anxious woman, so that scares me too. On top of that, there is a lot of talk of civil unrest and comparisons to various civil wars, except everyone here is armed to the teeth and there's already so much violence.
I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself admittedly too - I miss being in college and the dream of graduating, getting a good job, getting married, etc. - all really boring, normal things that are in reach and yet aren't. I'm even nervous to date because I'm concerned I'll match with someone online who is off their rocker. I've in the past had some bad dates and am probably pretty lucky I didn't get harassed more than I did at the time.
Anyway, it just helps to vent. I'm scared and I'm sad and I miss getting excited about things. I am excited about my vacation, but again, fear the reality of coming back to where I am now.
Admittedly struggling a bit more today. Someone posted a story on Facebook about the local grocery store, and that she was there and being followed with her two young children by an older couple. Who knows if they were really threatening to her, as every now and then someone does post a similar story, but of course it got me worried about going out alone, or particularly walking my dog alone. He's really reactive so would put on a show if someone came near, but unfortunately that also means we tend to walk in places that are less frequented, or at off times. Definitely going to include pepper spray when we go out now, just in case, because of course I also worry about someone being threatened by him and then harming him as well.
Otherwise I've been doing better; my neighbors shot off fireworks Saturday at midnight and of course I originally thought they were gunshots but was able to see them so calmed my mind a bit. I've slept a little better but that may be due to just feeling more tired in general.
It does seem like social media in particular has made the world seem like a far scarier place over the past 20 years or so than it probably really is.
Plus of course, it's more capable than ever of being 'doctored'/ sensationalised/exaggerated for maximum effect.
On the other hand, I was watching some old episodes of Crimewatch UK from the 80s on YouTube last week, and many things actually seemed far more unsafe back then than now. Especially armed robberies and muggings seemingly being more commonplace back then than now.
You're probably right Lenco. I think there's just a much greater awareness of incidents because of people posting on social media, or police updates. And I never really know what to make of the "trafficking" posts where people claim to be stalked through grocery stores. It's certainly possible, but there are also just weird people out there. And it's good to be aware and cautious but maybe some weird people aren't really harmful. It's just sad you can't always tell.
You're probably right Lenco. I think there's just a much greater awareness of incidents because of people posting on social media, or police updates. And I never really know what to make of the "trafficking" posts where people claim to be stalked through grocery stores. It's certainly possible, but there are also just weird people out there. And it's good to be aware and cautious but maybe some weird people aren't really harmful. It's just sad you can't always tell.
Yes, I think we're generally more aware of and clued up about crime and likewise issues now than ever before, rather than greater 'actual' prevalence.
Ironically, quite a few of the cases featured in the 80s Crimewatch UK episodes often never even made the mainstream national news headlines, not even certain gun crimes that occured back then.
Today was kind of hard. I’ve been just casually watching the daily updates and they’ve been pretty boring - nothing one day, and the rest just domestic disputes or shoplifting. I’ve also stayed at my parents’ this week so by default have felt safer.
Yesterday though, was awful apparently. A couple of people were robbed at gun point in broad daylight (in a trailer park, but still). A couple of unlocked vehicles were robbed in my neighborhood, but the thieves also broke several car windows to steal things. A couple had their tires slashed, another man not too far away had his car stolen. And apparently some guy lost it in a Verizon store and destroyed a display of smar****ches and threw a phone that hit and injured a little girl.
I’m going to a protest tomorrow with my mom because she asked me to go and I know it’s the right thing to do, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I’ve also been putting stuff back to order in my house but I am definitely fighting anxiety and perhaps some depression in doing so - it all just feels so pointless, scary, and sad. Again I fantasized about picking up my house and moving it somewhere else.
The college kids are moving back into my neighborhood, which will hopefully help. I’m just upset at going back to my house this weekend, and then leaving my cat alone for my vacation with just daily check ins. I can’t tell if I’m just a mess or if crime is truly skyrocketing the way it seems to be.
I went to the rally and it actually went pretty well. We seemed to get a lot of support. I am trying to rein in my anxiety of thinking someone saw me there and I’ll get fired or something, but that’s probably unlikely.
Unfortunately it wasn’t all great - we had breakfast on a splash park patio beforehand and a man came up to me and asked me the time. Totally normal, but it frightened me some, he was definitely either drunk or high and that was the reason. We also did a little march that went though an underpass tunnel and there was a couple of homeless men there, which really just made me sad. They were sleeping and the police made them leave. We used to have like two homeless individuals in my city and now there are a lot - I think there’s even a camp. It’s tragic and does make me feel sort of unsafe (mainly because drugs are involved) but honestly most of the stuff that happens doesn’t seem to be at their fault. For example, the car breakins and the robbing at gun point was both committed by high school kids.
IDK, it just feels helpful to rant/vent about it as no one I know deals with or worries about such things - they all either live in the posh neighborhoods or out in the country.
I went to the rally and it actually went pretty well. We seemed to get a lot of support. I am trying to rein in my anxiety of thinking someone saw me there and I’ll get fired or something, but that’s probably unlikely.
Unfortunately it wasn’t all great - we had breakfast on a splash park patio beforehand and a man came up to me and asked me the time. Totally normal, but it frightened me some, he was definitely either drunk or high and that was the reason. We also did a little march that went though an underpass tunnel and there was a couple of homeless men there, which really just made me sad. They were sleeping and the police made them leave. We used to have like two homeless individuals in my city and now there are a lot - I think there’s even a camp. It’s tragic and does make me feel sort of unsafe (mainly because drugs are involved) but honestly most of the stuff that happens doesn’t seem to be at their fault. For example, the car breakins and the robbing at gun point was both committed by high school kids.
IDK, it just feels helpful to rant/vent about it as no one I know deals with or worries about such things - they all either live in the posh neighborhoods or out in the country.
I do feel for you Poppy.
You were dead brave to attend the protest with your mom; something I would never have the bottle to do personally, even if the cause was something I felt strongly about.
As for your fears of crime right now, whilst I do totally sympathise with you, unfortunately I'm not really qualified to make judgements on the current crime situation Stateside, as there are many variables on both sides of the Atlantic, plus many conflicting opinions of course, again in both the USA and the UK.
Thanks again Lenco. I think what had me shaken was that all of the crimes that were listed took place during the day. I figured at least people would wait to steal or break into cars until it was dark. I also had previously told myself things like "well, they probably left their car unlocked" but no, smashing windows is apparently okay. A few weeks ago they were drilling into car locks in the lot of a popular hiking trail. That just made me wonder, if we're okay with breaking into cars, what would stop someone from just breaking into my basement windows?
The robbery I found out was between two people who knew each other. Not sure if that makes it "better". But they were firing at the people they robbed while they were driving down a road that I used to walk my dog on around that time. I don't live over there anymore and I don't walk my dog in neighborhoods anymore either, but I still had a thought like, "what if that happened while I was out with him?'
The protest itself actually went really well - but I have never been afraid before of a stranger approaching me to ask a question in broad daylight. We were just sitting there eating, along with other groups of people.
There's a city east of me that my dad grew up in, it used to be really nice when he was a kid (big, historic victorian houses, lots of middle and upper class people) but is absolutely horrible now. So much violence - it's known for it. I don't know what happened, I think ultimately people started moving out of the city proper and went to more suburbs and then the city itself just fell apart. I fear that is what is happening to my town now, as they continue to build the "nice" houses farther west and create little sprawled communities there and the houses in the town itself generally fall to slumlords. It makes it really hard to get excited about the renovations to my house, because it actually looks really nice now but I feel bummed when I feel unsafe and also wonder if I'll get the invested money back. But some of that ties into fears about what my future looks like.
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