oceanscape
16-08-22, 10:00
Hi everyone. The last 4 weeks have been the most difficult and stressful of my life.
I'd be so grateful for:
(a) some reassurance that what I am describing below is likely to be stress related / health anxiety and not some deadly or sinister problem; and
(b) advice on next steps as I clearly need medication or therapy to help me as I cannot live like this anymore and I am literally going crazy.
4 weeks ago: got home from work insanely tired & feeling start of a sore throat; worried I was getting ill. The next day I felt fine but a few days later I got a weird spot on my thumb and I was *convinced* I had Monkeypox. A few days later a couple of other spots appeared on my hands. In the meantime I was constantly checking and photographing my entire body to keep track of any new spots or marks. I told work and family I had COVID as I was so scared of spreading it. I isolated at home and spent 24/7 in immense state of panic and worry.
3 weeks ago: spots had not gone so I went to a clinic to get a Monkeypox test. They also tested for other STDs at the same time. They told me the spots didn't look like Monkeypox but I was convinced.
The test results took 5 days to come back and in that 5-day period I never left my house; friends and family were concerned my COVID was bad and arranged deliveries etc. for me. I was so worried and stressed I could barely eat and lost 5kg. I did consider suicide for one second but snapped out of it, I would never be able to do that but that's how low I sunk. I was so depressed and scared. I was supposed to be going on a special family vacation with elderly parents and disabled brother but told family I had to cancel and they should still go; they didn't want to go without me so cancelled. I was devastated to ruin their trip like that as they were so excited, I was crying on the phone incessantly. I've also likely lost c. $5k as I paid for the trip and don't think the insurance will pay out given nothing was actually wrong with me.
2 weeks ago: tests came back, all negative. I felt so happy and relieved. I collapsed on the floor crying and felt like a 1000kg had been lifted off my shoulders. Immediately went to see friends and family and thought I was over this horrible experience. We re-booked the vacation for 2 weeks' time; was excited and looking forward to it.
1 week ago: started getting muscle tension in my arms and legs, especially on my left side. This was accompanied with pins and needles / tingling / pricking sensations in my left knee and on the sole of my left foot. Also waking up and needing to urinate 3-4 times during the night. Started to get a bit concerned about MS or ALS but told myself it was stress. But then I was like "how can it be stress, I'm over my stress and happy now?" -- is it a delayed stress reaction to the previous 2 weeks?
Last few days: tingling sensations continue. Left side feels weaker than right but I can still do everything and don't think it is actually weaker. More of the "hand spots" have appeared - I think it is Pompholyx / Dyshidrosis (eczema) but they don't itch so maybe not. Terrified about what they could actually be but haven't been able to get a doctor appointment. Also terrified they will suddenly explode into hundreds of spots and/or start to cause me immense pain or itching or bleeding. Every minute I am checking my hands to see if they've changed.
Last night: my left thigh started twitching in bed after I was having a panic about the hand spots. I spiralled into a panic attack and literally thought that's it, I have ALS/MS or some other disease. Everything I read online said if the twitch is on one location only then it's more likely to be "bad" - it was only my left thigh, nowhere else twitched. It lasted about an hour and I couldn't sleep as it was too disturbing and scary. I've never had this before in my life. I also had to urinate 3-4 times again and my bladder feels weird.
I woke up this morning after c. 2 hours sleep. The delayed vacation is supposed to start today; I am terrified my symptoms are going to get worse during the trip and that I won't be able to relax and enjoy it.
I'm just so alone and scared, I don't know why symptoms keep appearing. I used to be so happy and free and now I feel like every minute I am waiting for a new symptom to crop up and convince me I am dying.
I'd be so grateful for:
(a) some reassurance that what I am describing below is likely to be stress related / health anxiety and not some deadly or sinister problem; and
(b) advice on next steps as I clearly need medication or therapy to help me as I cannot live like this anymore and I am literally going crazy.
4 weeks ago: got home from work insanely tired & feeling start of a sore throat; worried I was getting ill. The next day I felt fine but a few days later I got a weird spot on my thumb and I was *convinced* I had Monkeypox. A few days later a couple of other spots appeared on my hands. In the meantime I was constantly checking and photographing my entire body to keep track of any new spots or marks. I told work and family I had COVID as I was so scared of spreading it. I isolated at home and spent 24/7 in immense state of panic and worry.
3 weeks ago: spots had not gone so I went to a clinic to get a Monkeypox test. They also tested for other STDs at the same time. They told me the spots didn't look like Monkeypox but I was convinced.
The test results took 5 days to come back and in that 5-day period I never left my house; friends and family were concerned my COVID was bad and arranged deliveries etc. for me. I was so worried and stressed I could barely eat and lost 5kg. I did consider suicide for one second but snapped out of it, I would never be able to do that but that's how low I sunk. I was so depressed and scared. I was supposed to be going on a special family vacation with elderly parents and disabled brother but told family I had to cancel and they should still go; they didn't want to go without me so cancelled. I was devastated to ruin their trip like that as they were so excited, I was crying on the phone incessantly. I've also likely lost c. $5k as I paid for the trip and don't think the insurance will pay out given nothing was actually wrong with me.
2 weeks ago: tests came back, all negative. I felt so happy and relieved. I collapsed on the floor crying and felt like a 1000kg had been lifted off my shoulders. Immediately went to see friends and family and thought I was over this horrible experience. We re-booked the vacation for 2 weeks' time; was excited and looking forward to it.
1 week ago: started getting muscle tension in my arms and legs, especially on my left side. This was accompanied with pins and needles / tingling / pricking sensations in my left knee and on the sole of my left foot. Also waking up and needing to urinate 3-4 times during the night. Started to get a bit concerned about MS or ALS but told myself it was stress. But then I was like "how can it be stress, I'm over my stress and happy now?" -- is it a delayed stress reaction to the previous 2 weeks?
Last few days: tingling sensations continue. Left side feels weaker than right but I can still do everything and don't think it is actually weaker. More of the "hand spots" have appeared - I think it is Pompholyx / Dyshidrosis (eczema) but they don't itch so maybe not. Terrified about what they could actually be but haven't been able to get a doctor appointment. Also terrified they will suddenly explode into hundreds of spots and/or start to cause me immense pain or itching or bleeding. Every minute I am checking my hands to see if they've changed.
Last night: my left thigh started twitching in bed after I was having a panic about the hand spots. I spiralled into a panic attack and literally thought that's it, I have ALS/MS or some other disease. Everything I read online said if the twitch is on one location only then it's more likely to be "bad" - it was only my left thigh, nowhere else twitched. It lasted about an hour and I couldn't sleep as it was too disturbing and scary. I've never had this before in my life. I also had to urinate 3-4 times again and my bladder feels weird.
I woke up this morning after c. 2 hours sleep. The delayed vacation is supposed to start today; I am terrified my symptoms are going to get worse during the trip and that I won't be able to relax and enjoy it.
I'm just so alone and scared, I don't know why symptoms keep appearing. I used to be so happy and free and now I feel like every minute I am waiting for a new symptom to crop up and convince me I am dying.