Well it’s back

[steven67]

Hi all haven’t been on here for some time because I beat it ,
well I’ve also been carer for my poor mother 18 yrs but sadly she passed away 2 yrs ago in oct then 6 months later my sister passed away let’s just say in both cases the nhs are not my favourite group of people, my mothers death has been devastating she died in my arms I was giving her CPR and seen her eyes go , I watched her die and I couldn’t save her even now I see her poor lovely face over and over , i used too call my mother my little buddy I moved in with my mother and father too look after my mother , my mother was disabled with terrible arthritis I now look after my father who was together with my mother for 64 yrs , my poor sister who was disabled with both arthritis she went down ill after her husband died at 49 yrs old , well it started with dizziness and then pains ears , and others and so on , as one disappears and another raises , before my mother died nothing what so ever , they call it grief I suppose it’s shock all I say is that there no cure for what have , because there’s no cure for a broken heart,take care everyone

[Lana]

I totally understand you. My mother died 2 years ago and I was her only care giver. For me the whole existential anxiety worsened, and I also carry horrible feeling of guilt. She also was my friend who supported me in my darkest hours. I am sobbing while I write this. On top of everything, as you may see from my today's post, I am horribly scared that I may have brain tumor.

I wish you all the best, from my heart.

[mrsgilby569]

I’m so sorry for your loss. You have been through a lot. Sending you virtual hugs. X

[Catkins]

I am so sorry for your losses.

[NoraB]

they call it grief I suppose it’s shock all I say is that there no cure for what have , because there’s no cure for a broken heart,take care everyone

Steven, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this heartache.

I lost both my dad and my mum (26 and 11 years ago respectively). I know what a 'broken heart' feels like. Mine broke twice. I watched the life leave my dad's eyes, but my mum was already gone.

It took me a long time to come to terms with my mum's death, but I got there eventually. Sadness and pain eventually gave way to the happier memories I have of her (and us) and it's those memories which enter my mind now, rather than the day she died. You do learn to live with it, Steven. It won't always hurt as much as it does now...

I realised that the best way to honour my parents' memories is to live as best as I can, and that's despite the challenges that life has given me.

We're here for you if you need to 'talk'...

[steven67]

Many thanks �� everyone for your kindness I suppose if I didn’t have a great mother and sister who deeply cared about me and rest of my family I wouldn’t feel this way , I have never felt pain like this in my life , I’ve lost seven of my family in two yrs , I do think if I had done this sooner or done something different, that they would still be here today I feel so GUILTY , after my mother passed away I visited my sister and her very words were too me , Dont let it [Grief ] do too you what it has done too me , dad’s ok he has COPD from work related never smoked but he’s ok and did say to me you did more than you or anyone else for your mother , I look after him now well we look after each other ,at least I do release that the memories I have are very happy ones , we had less in those days but I know we had so much more , I will get back too my normal life , I think being negative will refect on my fathers well being as well as my own, and my mother would be breaking her heart too see me this way , the road back is tough but I’m determined to get there and living a happy life enjoying ever moment creating happy memories and not dwelling but remembering of those happy memories of the past and trying not too control the future outcomes because the future hasn’t happened yet , FEAR of the future is not important but enjoying here and now is the most important, it’s a long road with ups and downs I and we all need too start laughing again slowly and building up , someone said too me a long time ago never remember how someone died just remember how they lived and the only thing too fear is fear itself, many thanks to everyone
god bless each and everyone of you

[NoraB]

and trying not too control the future outcomes because the future hasn’t happened yet , FEAR of the future is not important but enjoying here and now is the most important

You've sussed it, Steven. The here and the now is all that any of us really have. (Yet most of us are forever time travelling back to the past or to a fearfully imagined future)


Someone said too me a long time ago never remember how someone died just remember how they lived and the only thing too fear is fear itself,

Two great quotes on one sentence.

I was angry about my dad's death, and for a long time. He was only 58 and I felt cheated out of time with him. I saw only what I'd lost, including a future that wouldn't happen. Eventually, these emotions gave way to what really matters, and this is that my dad had 57 very happy years on this Earth. That last year was hard for him, and for us as a family, but even then, the dude never lost his sense of humour, and it really was a privilege for me to hold his hand as he passed away, (or 'went back home' as I believe)

Not everybody can say they had 57 happy years. Longevity is just quantity of time, not quality. So, in terms of this, my dad did very well..

[steven67]

You've sussed it, Steven. The here and the now is all that any of us really have. (Yet most of us are forever time travelling back to the past or to a fearfully imagined future)



Two great quotes on one sentence.

I was angry about my dad's death, and for a long time. He was only 58 and I felt cheated out of time with him. I saw only what I'd lost, including a future that wouldn't happen. Eventually, these emotions gave way to what really matters, and this is that my dad had 57 very happy years on this Earth. That last year was hard for him, and for us as a family, but even then, the dude never lost his sense of humour, and it really was a privilege for me to hold his hand as he passed away, (or 'went back home' as I believe)

Not everybody can say they had 57 happy years. Longevity is just quantity of time, not quality. So, in terms of this, my dad did very well..sorry for your loss
its hard coming too terms with loss , my father and I went for a day out too western super mare a few weeks back and we as a family used too go there on holidays with the caravan plus too Paignton which was a favourite destination 6 kids mother father and the dog , I got quite emotional thinking back of the wonderful memories, as my best mate said too me at least they were happy memories and I thinking too myself now being the way I’m at this very time, I’m not making any happy memories at all ,
we have a static caravan in west wales where my father and I visit quite often,
my mother or sister aren’t with us anymore and as you and I do believe death is not the end , perhaps life is a test and I will definitely meet up with my mother and sister again, but not for long time I hope , I just think all those wasted yrs with HA you can’t get them back but you can move forward and the only person stopping me from moving forward is in my case ME , so we have a life so we need too live it too the full my mother would be happy for me too do that , god bless take care

[Carnation]

All those feelings are all part of grieving.
Guilt. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Vulnerability. Anxieties.
I cared for my mum, dad and MIL.
I did my best to try and save my mum on many occasions but it wasn't to be. 5 years have passed and I still have those memories that haunt me.
The responsibility is HUGE when being a carer and so many times people told me I was doing a great job and somehow I still think I could have done more.
I too suffered bad experiences with anything NHS related to the point of disgusting and neglect.
And all of that takes time to recover from.
Saying that I try to honour my mum and dad by living the best life I can. And as time goes by you cope better and better and you do a lot of thinking and realise you are not the only one that feels this way and goes through a mourning period of emotional torture. It is the circle of life. And we are living we need to do just that and honour our passed loved ones.
My heart goes out to all on this thread. :hugs:

[steven67]

Carnation first I’m sorry for your loss , your spot on you nailed it , it hits you then smash’s you too pieces without mercy , I now worry about my father , I never had any help from my brothers or sisters except one who was passed away they all live local one lives down the road in the same street and we were all very close and I know people have their own lives of course they do , but pop in once a week for 30 minutes for chat used too cheer my mother and father up , I really don’t know what’s wrong with people today especially my family the thing is it hurts my father and also used too hurt my mother, they’re just gone selfish then I have too deal with the disappointment my father feels , the only regular visitor we have is my niece she’s a paramedic heart of gold I suppose the last stage of grief is the acceptance and the hardest too come too terms with , take care many thanks