UnhingedPianist
17-09-22, 13:34
Hi.
I thought i'd share some background information first - I will try to keep this short. I'm a 25 year old guy. I've been having bouts of severe anxiety, intense panic attacks and OCD since I was 2 years old. When I was 3, I almost chocked to death on a hard candy, and after this, I was afraid of swallowing food for almost two years and became anorexic. I was bullied badly in school from 1st til 7th grade. Way later, in my late teens, symptoms of depression (I say symptoms, because it is undiagnosed) appeared. Then, in 2020, as the world went to shit, the panic attacks returned with a bloody vengeance - several months on (daily attacks, sometimes lasting for hours), a couple months off. I started drinking heavily to be able to do anything and developed alcoholism (my father is an alcoholic). I have gotten rid of it now. Mental health issues are deeply rooted in me, since I inherited a lot of this from my mom and maternal grandpa, who both suffer from anxiety disorders. One of my half-brothers was once admitted to an actual psychiatric ward.
Right now, i'm still battling with the panic and the OCD to a bit of a lesser degree, thank god, but right as the panic subsided, my health anxiety went through the roof. Today is another one of those days where i'm wondering if this is something serious this time, or if i'm just anxious again.
I've been a little tired lately (but nothing special), and practicing and writing music several hours (up to 10) every day. Today, I went to the fridge to grab a sizeable bowl of pasta. Literally 10 seconds later, I thought I don't want that right now, and went to put it back again. When I got back to the fridge and opened it, there was no room to put the bowl of pasta anywhere, even though I had just taken it out seconds ago and there was nobody else in the house. I have no recollection of moving anything around in the fridge after I had taken it out, as hard as I tried to remember it. And that's what scares me. The bowl was right at the front of the lowest shelf, with a can of beans next to it. I removed it, went to put it back, and it's as if the contents of the fridge had magically shifted.
As these random things happen (every few days), and I notice them, my alarm bells start to ring and all the crap i've ever googled comes to my mind. Usually, this leads me to be convinced that i've developed a brain tumour.
I would occasionally mishear/misread words, put things in weird places and forget words. Of course, this increases whenever I get less sleep, but my mind never ceases to worry. Some of these things feel stupid to even type out.
I almost never have headaches, and they're always mild. I don't have dizziness (outside panic attacks), change of personality or loss of sensation anywhere - literally no neurological symptoms that might indicate something serious - yet i'm still worried to death over every one of these incidents.
I'm very curious what you think about the fridge incident, because my heart rate is still elevated as I think about this - I can't explain how something like this can happen.
Many thanks for reading this.
I thought i'd share some background information first - I will try to keep this short. I'm a 25 year old guy. I've been having bouts of severe anxiety, intense panic attacks and OCD since I was 2 years old. When I was 3, I almost chocked to death on a hard candy, and after this, I was afraid of swallowing food for almost two years and became anorexic. I was bullied badly in school from 1st til 7th grade. Way later, in my late teens, symptoms of depression (I say symptoms, because it is undiagnosed) appeared. Then, in 2020, as the world went to shit, the panic attacks returned with a bloody vengeance - several months on (daily attacks, sometimes lasting for hours), a couple months off. I started drinking heavily to be able to do anything and developed alcoholism (my father is an alcoholic). I have gotten rid of it now. Mental health issues are deeply rooted in me, since I inherited a lot of this from my mom and maternal grandpa, who both suffer from anxiety disorders. One of my half-brothers was once admitted to an actual psychiatric ward.
Right now, i'm still battling with the panic and the OCD to a bit of a lesser degree, thank god, but right as the panic subsided, my health anxiety went through the roof. Today is another one of those days where i'm wondering if this is something serious this time, or if i'm just anxious again.
I've been a little tired lately (but nothing special), and practicing and writing music several hours (up to 10) every day. Today, I went to the fridge to grab a sizeable bowl of pasta. Literally 10 seconds later, I thought I don't want that right now, and went to put it back again. When I got back to the fridge and opened it, there was no room to put the bowl of pasta anywhere, even though I had just taken it out seconds ago and there was nobody else in the house. I have no recollection of moving anything around in the fridge after I had taken it out, as hard as I tried to remember it. And that's what scares me. The bowl was right at the front of the lowest shelf, with a can of beans next to it. I removed it, went to put it back, and it's as if the contents of the fridge had magically shifted.
As these random things happen (every few days), and I notice them, my alarm bells start to ring and all the crap i've ever googled comes to my mind. Usually, this leads me to be convinced that i've developed a brain tumour.
I would occasionally mishear/misread words, put things in weird places and forget words. Of course, this increases whenever I get less sleep, but my mind never ceases to worry. Some of these things feel stupid to even type out.
I almost never have headaches, and they're always mild. I don't have dizziness (outside panic attacks), change of personality or loss of sensation anywhere - literally no neurological symptoms that might indicate something serious - yet i'm still worried to death over every one of these incidents.
I'm very curious what you think about the fridge incident, because my heart rate is still elevated as I think about this - I can't explain how something like this can happen.
Many thanks for reading this.