bethyboo
22-11-07, 10:49
hey there, juust wanted to have a rant as while im sorry for not using this site except for when i need some reassurance..its the only place i feel like people understand.
I have suffered from panic attacks and ocd and acute anxiety for years but came off effexor 4 months ago cold turkey, a big mistake i know as it was more than horrendus but i did get through it after going through the worst deppression i have ever had. My problem is now that while i hate and i mean hate medication...i still everyday wish i was back on it. Ive spent 9 years on and off medication including seroxt. i have always been loud and bubbly(mainly as a defence mechanism for my insecurities) but i have always been quite happy with myself and my life, i felt confident and content alot fo the time. scince oming off effexor i feel like i ahve completely lost myself. i ahve no confidence whatsover, i feel bad about myself everyday,negative thoughts about my physical appearance and self worth..something i ahve never really felt before even when i have been going through a mad phase. I have two lovely boys and while i feel like i cope better with my life as in beign organised and putting my children first my constant thoughts are of paranoya and insecurities. I ahve tried really hard over the last few months to change my life. i go to the gym 3 times a week, i eat healthily, i gave up drinking(i used to drink a bottle of wien every day) and have stopped smoking cannabis(have done most of my life). so why do i feel so bad, i feel healthier but mentally pathetic and weak.... everyday is sucha bloody sturggle, i can feel myself wantign to cry again all the tiem,,am so so oversensitive and just feel like i need to go back on meds. i just wasn tto be numb again, i dont want to be overanalizing all the time and feelign shit about myself. does this go away....is it gna take another few months or is this just the real me?????? i just dnt know what to do anymore..i ahve gone throught hell the last few months and have used every bit of strenght i ahve to get through it and stay off meds but now i jsut think what is the bloody point..at least on meds i was coping and numb.
I have suffered from panic attacks and ocd and acute anxiety for years but came off effexor 4 months ago cold turkey, a big mistake i know as it was more than horrendus but i did get through it after going through the worst deppression i have ever had. My problem is now that while i hate and i mean hate medication...i still everyday wish i was back on it. Ive spent 9 years on and off medication including seroxt. i have always been loud and bubbly(mainly as a defence mechanism for my insecurities) but i have always been quite happy with myself and my life, i felt confident and content alot fo the time. scince oming off effexor i feel like i ahve completely lost myself. i ahve no confidence whatsover, i feel bad about myself everyday,negative thoughts about my physical appearance and self worth..something i ahve never really felt before even when i have been going through a mad phase. I have two lovely boys and while i feel like i cope better with my life as in beign organised and putting my children first my constant thoughts are of paranoya and insecurities. I ahve tried really hard over the last few months to change my life. i go to the gym 3 times a week, i eat healthily, i gave up drinking(i used to drink a bottle of wien every day) and have stopped smoking cannabis(have done most of my life). so why do i feel so bad, i feel healthier but mentally pathetic and weak.... everyday is sucha bloody sturggle, i can feel myself wantign to cry again all the tiem,,am so so oversensitive and just feel like i need to go back on meds. i just wasn tto be numb again, i dont want to be overanalizing all the time and feelign shit about myself. does this go away....is it gna take another few months or is this just the real me?????? i just dnt know what to do anymore..i ahve gone throught hell the last few months and have used every bit of strenght i ahve to get through it and stay off meds but now i jsut think what is the bloody point..at least on meds i was coping and numb.