View Full Version : So many many problems 🙁
Hello all
Seems ages since I’ve been here but trust me this evil anxiety of mine is never far away 🙁
Sometimes I feel like it’s not going to defeat me sometimes I feel like ok you know what it is you’ve had it before you’ll be fine other times I am so seriously fed up of my every day life being affected by this other person I feel I live with it gets hard to cope
I’ve had a lot of stress recently got made redundant got another job while that’s a good thing starting at a new place with new people is daunting but I’ve been there a few months now so getting better but none of my colleagues know anything about my secret life
I’m a carer for my Autistic son he graduated from university getting a first which obviously I’m over the moon about but now he’s petrified of working and getting a job that he’s also having anxiety issues that I can’t take away from him 😞
My youngest daughter (26) has just started anti depression tablets I said to my husband last week that I didn’t feel like she was happy I didn’t know and she came to our house while I was at work one evening burst into tears and confirmed my worse fears
I just feel so out of control that the only thing I can control or this monster I live with can control is my HA so my period lasted longer this month (8 days) worried about that I keep going hot for no reason worried about that having a fibromyalgia flare up makes me ache especially my back and arms so therefore my chest I always think it’s my heart worried about that
I spoke to a doc last week the only doc I’m happy seeing or talking to is on maternity leave so I worrying about worrying and who I can talk to about it because she isn’t there it feels like it’s spiralling and I don’t know what to do
Sorry guys hope someone came help
Thanks for reading x
Hello all
Seems ages since I’ve been here but trust me this evil anxiety of mine is never far away
Anxiety is not so much 'evil' as misunderstood.
I’m a carer for my Autistic son he graduated from university getting a first which obviously I’m over the moon about but now he’s petrified of working and getting a job that he’s also having anxiety issues that I can’t take away from him
Firstly, way to go Caz's son for graduating from uni. :shades: (School is a massive deal for autistics, let alone university). You must be incredibly proud of him.
And I totally get the anxiety around looking for a job, but happiness in the workplace is absolutely achievable if he's in the right environment. There could be some trial and error involved, or he could be lucky enough to find the right job first time. But having those qualifications means that he has a lot more choice (Whereas I never had that).
You can't take the anxiety away from him; that's for him to work through as it is for you to work through yours, but you can keep being his mum and loving him. (Also, you need to look after yourself so that you have the strength to support your son)
My youngest daughter (26) has just started anti depression tablets I said to my husband last week that I didn’t feel like she was happy I didn’t know and she came to our house while I was at work one evening burst into tears and confirmed my worse fears
It's horrible to know that your child is struggling with their MH. All three of my sons have had their MH issues. My middle son became suicidal a couple of years ago and I felt so helpless. All we can do is love and support them in whatever way they need us to..
I just feel so out of control that the only thing I can control or this monster I live with can control is my HA so my period lasted longer this month (8 days) worried about that I keep going hot for no reason worried about that having a fibromyalgia flare up makes me ache especially my back and arms so therefore my chest I always think it’s my heart worried about that
I have fibro too, but I'm also thinking menopause here? (Feeling hot and our periods going funky sounds like the perimenopause to me)
Sorry guys hope someone came help
Don't apologise for asking for help. We're all here to help one another. X
Hi Nora
Thank you so much for your message 😊
I know everything you said is right it’s so hard to get it through to yourself sometimes
I am so very proud of my son school wasn’t always easy for him but he worked so hard and got to where he is I think he just didn’t give much thought to what happens after but I am definitely helping in through at his pace and he is getting used to being grown up ☺️
My daughter is doing much better probably due to the pills she always bottles things up I usually notice something is troubling her long before she tells me
I thought maybe peri menopausal too I just wasn’t sure if it comes out the blue like that? I guess it does just as your period does 🤦🏻*♀️ I have been dreading this time of life I’m not going to lie I’m not sure how I will cope with all these extra symptoms on top of everything else 😬
Thanks again for your kind words they really do help x
I thought maybe peri menopausal too I just wasn’t sure if it comes out the blue like that? I guess it does just as your period does 臘*♀️ I have been dreading this time of life I’m not going to lie I’m not sure how I will cope with all these extra symptoms on top of everything else
My menopause coincided with the death of my mum, development of fibromyalgia, my son's autism DX, and also my own. I pretty much skipped the perimenopause and went straight into ovarian failure after the birth of my son.. :scared15:
Your GP can give you an FSH test to see what your hormones are doing. (Higher levels are indicative of menopause)
Re coping..
We don't have any choice in what life throws at us (albeit menopause is natural, and all women experience it) but it's up to us how we get through this turbulent time in our lives..
We're not all 'menopause Goddesses' though. For many of us, it's an epically shitty time and we have to battle murderous thoughts when people don't flush the loo and we wake up at 2am, bedsheets sodden in our sweat (at least, we hope it's sweat). :unsure:
Take some advice from ol' Nora. Don't bother with those menopause self-help books where middle-aged women are gliding through wildflower meadows, long glossy hair artistically backlit by the sun. And definitely avoid those where a perky-boobed menopausal women are doing high-kicks in their size 8 leotards! :lac:
What happens is that we go home and attempt to squeeze ourselves into a pair of migraine-inducing patterned sports leggings and we end up in a sweaty rage on the bedroom floor while Eminem's Till I Collapse plays in the background (Only we went straight for the collapse bit) :roflmao:
If you have a good sense of humour, this will help you. Victoria Wood did some great stand up on the menopause. I remember watching those shows with my mum, except that my ovaries were still playing ball at that time, so I didn't get most of what Victoria was on about, However, my mum was literally shaking with laughter. After my own menopause, I watched those shows again and I 'got it' and I was shaking with laughter too. (Until a bit of wee came out) :ohmy: X
Hi Nora
Thanks again for your message you do cheer me up 😀
I have decided to take a day at a time and maybe write things down as they happen and if need be go docs with the list and see what they say
I LOVE 🥰 Victoria Wood and will be definitely checking that out
Thanks again x
Hi hun I was thinking with you having children in their 20s you are perhaps entering menopause years ? I seem to remember my mother skidding into it with all the grace of a drunken elephant. There didn’t seem to be any peri menopause. It was straight to sweating buckets and death threats 🤣 was an edgy time for us all. I was sure my stepdad was going to leave her.. he didn’t much to my eternal disappointment. My son is also autistic but much younger (5) you must be so proud of your baby! Unfortunately you can’t take his anxiety away but I am on a forum for carers of children with autism and autistic adults themselves and I was comforted to find a lot of the adults said as they got older their anxiety symptoms really lessened in severity. Sometimes we just have to let our children get on with things and be there as a shoulder to cry on. It’s really difficult to take a backseat in your child’s life though isn’t it as your natural urge is to protect them. That’s something I’m struggling with my 12yr old daughter at the moment. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. In regards to her I would definitely keep a close eye on her but not where it’s insanely obvious and you annoy her and just again be there as a shoulder to cry on and a completely none judgemental sounding board. It’s very encouraging that she recognises there is a problem and she is taking steps to address it ! Seems you have been an excellent parent and brought up well adjusted adult children so well done to you x
sweating buckets and death threats
I think I have the title for my menopause book. :roflmao:
Hi hun I was thinking with you having children in their 20s you are perhaps entering menopause years ? I seem to remember my mother skidding into it with all the grace of a drunken elephant. There didn’t seem to be any peri menopause. It was straight to sweating buckets and death threats 🤣 was an edgy time for us all. I was sure my stepdad was going to leave her.. he didn’t much to my eternal disappointment. My son is also autistic but much younger (5) you must be so proud of your baby! Unfortunately you can’t take his anxiety away but I am on a forum for carers of children with autism and autistic adults themselves and I was comforted to find a lot of the adults said as they got older their anxiety symptoms really lessened in severity. Sometimes we just have to let our children get on with things and be there as a shoulder to cry on. It’s really difficult to take a backseat in your child’s life though isn’t it as your natural urge is to protect them. That’s something I’m struggling with my 12yr old daughter at the moment. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. In regards to her I would definitely keep a close eye on her but not where it’s insanely obvious and you annoy her and just again be there as a shoulder to cry on and a completely none judgemental sounding board. It’s very encouraging that she recognises there is a problem and she is taking steps to address it ! Seems you have been an excellent parent and brought up well adjusted adult children so well done to you x
Hi Sar
Thank you so much for your lovely message 😊
You’re right I am of that age 🥴 I’ll be 50 in 3 weeks 😱
I’ve actually been docs this morning it was kind of playing on my mind and I knew if I didn’t address it I would only get worse
She said we should watch and wait for now with the stress I had been under the last couple of months she said she wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the cause so she wants me to just write down my periods and stuff for a couple of months she said not for me so that it’s not all flying round in your head it made sense and made me feel better and I will do as she says at least then I feel like I am tackling it….
I remember when my son was 5 I remember worrying about what he was going to be and how he was going to be at 21 and here he is all grown and while I am his mother and obviously bias 😏 he is an amazing human being I’m so proud to call him mine as well as my girls (I have 3 daughters also) I have put a call in to my local adult social care team see if I can get him some help for preparing for work he has overcome so much in his life but I’m always afraid to sit and think oh he will be fine in case he isn’t 😬 I worry about his anxiety sometimes it gets hard for me dealing with mine I worry how his brain would cope if it really got hold of him
My youngest daughter is doing much better she’s a lot happier she is taking the pills,she has been left home just over a year now but she was talking of coming home and leaving her partner 🤦🏻*♀️ I just asked her to give it time and not make permanent decisions on temporary feelings and she seems to have turned a corner I hope it lasts
Thank you for your compliment I definitely try my best you are right when you say I should try and let them work through their own stuff that’s where my trouble starts 🫤 I hate not being able to “fix” stuff for them all I can do is be there I know they worry about me a lot and I feel guilty for that
I wish you well with your family 😊 sounds like you’re a great parent too
Best wishes
Caz x
Nora….if you write that book I’ll buy it for sure 😀 x
Nora….if you write that book I’ll buy it for sure x
You can have a signed copy for free. :winks: X
ankietyjoe
06-10-22, 18:43
Sorry to hear you're struggling the way you are right now, but you have every right to feel the anxiety, the pressure, the strife.
My life has parallels to yours, and I am also taking care of multiple relatives with some serious mental and physical health issues, and it takes it's toll.
Funnily enough I started CBT again for the first time in 15 years a few weeks back as a kind of reality check, and the therapist pointed out that what I'm enduring would be classed as domestic abuse under different circumstances, and it really made me stand back and take a check on how much I put up with before I reasses who needs more care, myself or them. Sometimes, it's YOU that needs the time out and self care, which is something I know I ignored for far too long.
But, anxiety will be normal in the situation you're in. Maybe use it to judge your ability to 'keep going'. You will need some time to yourself at certain points, so make sure you take it. Very difficult with autistic relatives, but worth considering I feel.
I am just 50 and definitely peri menopausal with so many similar symptoms. It seems a bit like pregnancy, in that everything is heightened.
You’ve had a really tough few months and it sounds like you are doing your best for everyone around you. X
Hi hun, I’m glad you went doctors, I know us hypos should try and stay away from them but when’s there a genuine issue that’s what they are there for. I’m hoping you are feeling abit reassured ? Oh God is she talking about leaving her partner 🤣 I suffer from depressive spells and I start phoning my sister and plotting my escape from that horrendous man (he isn’t) in my head he becomes the source of all my troubles and anxiety and I seem to conveniently forget I had anxiety and depressive spells way before him! You deffo gave her the right advice on the wait and see approach. Life decisions shouldn’t be made when anxious, depressed or high 🤣 of course you want to fix things for them as you have fixed things their whole life. Children also sort of expect their parents to just know what to do don’t they ? Like they think you have the answers and solutions for everything and you feel helpless if you can’t meet the expectations that you have met their entire childhood. I dread my children being actual adults. I think I will struggle taking a step back with my eldest. As for my youngest I suspect he will always be with me… and that freaks me out. He’s 6 in December, completely non verbal not even one word, still in nappies, doesn’t use pecs or anything although he makes his needs known rather effectively by pushing, pulling us about. He has been diagnosed with asd, severe global development delay and learning difficulties. I had hopes he would magically catch up and suddenly become a chatter box and use the toilet but if I’m honest my hopes are slowly dying. He’s a delightful little boy though, very happy, smiling and laughing all day long, eye contact is brilliant, not obsessed with routine or anything. Just completely utterly feral however, incredibly hyperactive and destructive the sensory seeking is off the scale but he goes to a special school and gave me his first hi five 3 days ago so there is some progress in his own little way ❤️
He’s a delightful little boy though, very happy, smiling and laughing all day long, eye contact is brilliant, not obsessed with routine or anything.
You know, there's a lot to be said for being happy, Sara. I understand that being his parent will be incredibly challenging for you, but your little boy is happy in his own world and that's really good to hear.
How awesome that he gave you a hi-five! :shades:
Cherish that non-verbal communication, Sara...It's a breakthrough and major progress.
As Nora says, the fact that he's a sunny, happy little boy is absolutely priceless. I don't doubt that he's a human dynamo though and you must be exhausted!!
You know, there's a lot to be said for being happy, Sara. I understand that being his parent will be incredibly challenging for you, but your little boy is happy in his own world and that's really good to hear.
How awesome that he gave you a hi-five! :shades:
I know and his beautiful little smile when he did it too ! There’s one thing to be said about him. When he does a new thing it gives me so much joy like literally fills my heart with happiness. Like my daughter was such a beautiful happy little girl but you did take the doing new things for granted. It was like yayyy clever girl but with him I’m on the phone to everyone who will listen screeching about what he’s done just giddy with joy 🤣 x
Oh I do Pulisa. There’s a comedian called Paul smith he’s on YouTube a scouse ginger fella and he’s got an autistic son. He sounds like Stephens twin and it makes me scream with laughter. Especially when he talks about what an effective communicator he is. Honestly have a watch it’s so funny. He such a happy boy my baby he’s a real favourite in his school because of happy he is x
You just have to rip up the standard "milestones" book and celebrate every new achievement, don't you? No matter how "small" compared to mainstream children's progress..To us it's huge.
I've never heard of Paul Smith but will have a watch...xx
Yeah deffo Pulisa. I love it when he does new stuff… I mean its usually something dreadfully naughty but generally hilarious. He outshone himself in summer. He escaped the house and then I heard a car alarm go off looked out the window and realised he was outside bouncing on top of the roof of the neighbours Mercedes’ sprinter van… naked bar one sock 🤣🤣🤣 His climbing is crazy and really persistent he loves it. I love Paul Smith because we are from Liverpool so find him so relatable but when I seen the autism stuff he did I nearly cried because it felt like he was talking about my son and Iv never met anyone who had an autistic child exactly like him. It was so funny x
I know and his beautiful little smile when he did it too ! There’s one thing to be said about him. When he does a new thing it gives me so much joy like literally fills my heart with happiness. Like my daughter was such a beautiful happy little girl but you did take the doing new things for granted. It was like yayyy clever girl but with him I’m on the phone to everyone who will listen screeching about what he’s done just giddy with joy 藍 x
Does your little boy have special interests? My lad was nuts over owls (and has only just moved on from that obsession). The joy on his face when he held a real one! When he was in mainstream, they used to try and calm him down by reading Owl Babies to him. Many a time, I'd be called to school and I'd find him in a corner clutching several cuddly owls, bless him. He also has a very much-loved Hedwig, who he still sleeps with. (As well as about 30 plushies - three of which are huge) :yesyes:
His special interest is wires 🤣 hdmi, charger, hoover wire, fan wire, if he can get his hands on it then it’s getting yanked out of wall and he spends hours running them through his hands. Failing a wire then he will substitute with a skinny belt or a handbag strap 🙄 his special interests really are climbing, bouncing and wires. He spends half his day on his headboard falling plank style face first into the mattress he’s crazy. He loves being outdoors like he likes trees and fields and stuff. Loves it in fact. Who doesn’t love Hedwig ! Did he get to hold an owl ! I bet his face was beautiful to see ❤️❤️
His special interest is wires 藍 hdmi, charger, hoover wire, fan wire, if he can get his hands on it then it’s getting yanked out of wall and he spends hours running them through his hands. Failing a wire then he will substitute with a skinny belt or a handbag strap his special interests really are climbing, bouncing and wires. He spends half his day on his headboard falling plank style face first into the mattress he’s crazy. He loves being outdoors like he likes trees and fields and stuff. Loves it in fact. Who doesn’t love Hedwig ! Did he get to hold an owl ! I bet his face was beautiful to see ❤️❤️
Your lad sounds like my friend's autistic son. He's non-verbal and a sensory seeker too.
Yes, my son got to hold an owl (several times), and his expression was of pure joy.:yesyes:
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