View Full Version : What triggered your anxiety ?
Hi guys, Iv been off here for a while but I feel anxious again worrying i have the beginnings of appendicitis and a ruptured artery in the neck… usual fun stuff 🙄 just been pondering what triggered your health anxiety or depression or ocd ? Was there an actual significant event in anyones life ? Or a culmination of smaller things ? I never used to suffer from health anxiety as a child of teenager. I was brought up in a rat infested house where they where running across the dinner plates 🤣 I was sneaking down drain pipes to run away at night. Never once thought about my health/infection/what I was doing could cause a major injury to myself. I continued in my happy go lucky ways when I moved into my dads… a much cleaner more normal home. (I caused that poor man some terrible grief I was an absolute delinquent) The only thing I remember causing me anxiety was my mum going thru one of her crazes which was religion she decided to become a Jehovah’s Witness 🙃 She was never a proper one, she still had a sneaky Xmas day and never banged anyones door down shoving the watch tower magazine in their faces. I vividly remember one day me asking her would we all go to heaven.. I assume I was fairly young like 11ish… she told me that her and my beloved father would go to hell never to be seen again because of their sins but if I died as a child don’t worry I would go to Heaven. That judgement day was coming soon and we would all be judged and sent off to our allotted places… shockingly that very much upset me…. I remember becoming inexplicably afraid of thunder storms. Every time I would hear thunder and see lightening I thought it was judgment day coming… thunderstorms still made me feel very uncomfortable well into adulthood. It’s only past few years I have made my peace with them (I’m nearly 33) but I still didn’t have HEALTH anxiety, but I think it gave me a sort of fear of death and going to hell. Roll on to me being 18 years of age now a chronic weed smoker along with my weekend activities of alcohol and cocaine when I could afford it. I had a good friend I loved him to bits felt he ‘got me’ it was slowly turning romantic I suppose. One night I was supposed to meet up with him he never showed.. got a phone call an hour or two later.. he was dead he had been stabbed thru the heart. I hadn’t really known anyone who had died before, parents are only children and my dads parents died before I was born. Mums side grandad had died before I had been born and grandma had recently died but she was 89 and demented so it didn’t traumatise me as such. I remember going into utter disbelief and walking to my friends house and sitting in her house smoking lots of weed. A few days later I had my first panic attack. Utterly completely out of the blue and it was a monster. Thought I was having a heart attack. Pins and needles down my jaw, my left arm, my feet, my kneecaps, racing heart. I remember it so vividly. It faded away as panic attacks do but I kept having them every time I took a pull of a spliff. My dad explained to me that once you have had a panic attack your body will mimic that feeling again if put in same situation as it’s a learned response ? I got convinced I had a heart condition and it seriously spiralled from there. It’s took years of self reflection to even get to that point of pin pointing liams death as a potential cause of my health anxiety. I just didn’t relate it to my health anxiety as he died from a violence but a doctor pointed out to me once it was because it was so sudden and I think a lot of the illnesses I fear are those sudden death ones. Like heart conditions, aneurysms ect. Anyway very long rambling post, congratulations if you made it this far ! Let me hear your stories ?
For me I was sexually, physically and mentally abused by my father. For years. From like birth to maybe 10 or so. I never connected the dots until I was in my 30s. My mother got breast cancer when I was 15. She died when I was 34 after the cancer came back. Watching that plummeted me deeper into HA. I spent my entire life hiding the abuse. I learned early on if I was “sick” or acted sick then he would leave me alone. I truly think that’s how it started for me. I turned all my trauma into over analyzing everything about myself. And I had nobody to turn to so I just fell deeper into the hole of HA.
Sara, you might want to bang on a trigger warning on your thread title, lovely. Give people a bit of a head's up that there may be some triggering content in replies. (As with Scaredtoo's comment) X
Hello all
I’m so sorry for what you guys have been through kind of makes you think you’re not that bad off after all but since you asked the question….
My HA started when my mam died suddenly she was only 62 she had just had her house decorated and new carpets fitted that day my husband and I were on our way to put her furniture back for her when I got a call saying she had collapsed that was it she was gone life has never been the same..
Since she died I’ve had a ton of grief from my “family” especially my mothers other daughter( she literally is no sister of mine) she likes to act like she’s an only child she actually had an appalling relationship with my mam but now acts like she was the only child she had it grates on me and makes all my anxiety and stuff worse because I’m so angry not just at her but my other siblings as well for seemingly believing her rubbish
But I have to rise above it even when she constantly causes trouble with my other family members it’s just all a mess now and drives me mad with anger
I’m sorry for the people who read this who may have lost siblings they were close to and feel like I’m being harsh I can’t be around people like her “family” or not
Best wishes
Caz x
My HA started when my mam died suddenly she was only 62 she had just had her house decorated and new carpets fitted that day my husband and I were on our way to put her furniture back for her when I got a call saying she had collapsed that was it she was gone life has never been the same..
My mum went suddenly too, Caz. (She was a bit older though)
My life hasn't been the same either. I still miss my mum and she's been gone 12 years..
I’m sorry for the people who read this who may have lost siblings they were close to and feel like I’m being harsh I can’t be around people like her “family” or not
My brothers really looked after me when Mum died. I'm their little sister. We never argued. We just did what we had to do and supported one another. I'm so sorry that this wasn't the case for you. X
My mum went suddenly too, Caz. (She was a bit older though)
My life hasn't been the same either. I still miss my mum and she's been gone 12 years..
My brothers really looked after me when Mum died. I'm their little sister. We never argued. We just did what we had to do and supported one another. I'm so sorry that this wasn't the case for you. X
Hi Nora
I’m so sorry you lost your mum the same way it’s so awful 😞
My mam has been gone 14 years this year I’ve developed this anxiety plus fibromyalgia since she passed
I’m so glad you were looked after when you lost your mum that’s how family should be
I am the 4th of 5 and the youngest girl so the little sister also but my mothers other daughter is a narcissist and makes sure every situation is about her even this…I have 3 brothers 2 older 1 younger I don’t speak to my youngest brother because she told him lies about me and my children and he turned on me also now she has started with my eldest brother who I have always had a really good relationship with it’s a shame they are allowing her to do what she does best especially since they know what’s she’s like and have seen her do this kind of stuff all her life it feels like they believe if they keep her close then they somehow still have a connection with my mam because they never took the time to go see her stay in touch as they should it all stems from guilt
She has them convinced she was at my mams bec and call and the truth is so far away from that it’s almost laughable I was the only one who spoke to my mam every day had her here for dinner once a week I made sure my children respected her none of my siblings did that
It hurts but I feel angry more than anything I just have to remind myself that my mam knew she used to say it to me all the time they have to push me out the family because my presence contradicts the lie they live
Anyway sorry for rambling on 🤦🏻*♀️ It’s nice to get it out
Caz x
I am the 4th of 5 and the youngest girl so the little sister also but my mothers other daughter is a narcissist
Sorry if I'm being dense, but is she your real sister or step? X
My mum went suddenly too, Caz. (She was a bit older though)
My life hasn't been the same either. I still miss my mum and she's been gone 12 years..
My brothers really looked after me when Mum died. I'm their little sister. We never argued. We just did what we had to do and supported one another. I'm so sorry that this wasn't the case for you. X
Sorry if I'm being dense, but is she your real sister or step? X
Hi Nora
Sorry if I confused you 😬 she’s my real sister I call her my mothers other daughter just so I can distance myself even when talking of her 😂 x
I call her my mothers other daughter just so I can distance myself even when talking of her x
That makes sense then, thanks. X
Sorry Nora I will edit it shortly x Scaredtoo… I’m so sorry for what happened to you as a child. You must be an incredibly strong person to have coped and still be here to tell the tale. Really not surprised you have got health anxiety given what you have divulged. How do you feel you cope these days ? Xx Scaredcaz… it seems sudden death is theme here I know other people with health anxiety who have also had some die close to them suddenly. I think it makes you question your own mortality doesn’t it? Your sister sounds hideous 😩 you can choose your friends but can’t choose your family unfortunately, I hate the saying blood is thicker than water, some people simply do not get on and never will, sharing some genetic makeup won’t make a difference. I’m just not sure why I developed health anxiety specifically, like I say no sudden deaths till Liam, dad was a raging alcoholic when I was younger and still lived to tell the tale. Mum used to get poorly with chrones but she was always better. Can only put it down to the panic attacks really because I was fairly young could not believe that they where panic attacks. Refused to believe in fact x
What triggered mine? I was molested at eight by a neighbor, when I told my mom she told me I told you not to go over there, I was eight! When she said this...I was mentally, emotionally and physically abused by my "dad" found out a few months agon he isn't my birth father, I was abused by my ex husband.
Sorry Nora I will edit it shortly x Scaredtoo… I’m so sorry for what happened to you as a child. You must be an incredibly strong person to have coped and still be here to tell the tale. Really not surprised you have got health anxiety given what you have divulged. How do you feel you cope these days ? Xx Scaredcaz… it seems sudden death is theme here I know other people with health anxiety who have also had some die close to them suddenly. I think it makes you question your own mortality doesn’t it? Your sister sounds hideous 😩 you can choose your friends but can’t choose your family unfortunately, I hate the saying blood is thicker than water, some people simply do not get on and never will, sharing some genetic makeup won’t make a difference. I’m just not sure why I developed health anxiety specifically, like I say no sudden deaths till Liam, dad was a raging alcoholic when I was younger and still lived to tell the tale. Mum used to get poorly with chrones but she was always better. Can only put it down to the panic attacks really because I was fairly young could not believe that they where panic attacks. Refused to believe in fact x
Thank you for the kind word. I’m sorry if I triggered anyone. Didn’t mean to.
Coping is just the only thing I can do. Trigger warning here on what I’m about to say. I have been close about two times in my life to ending it all. Each time I picked myself up and walked into the hospital and said help me. I truly believe my faith and strength in God has kept me going. I’ve had a lot of counseling and I’m on meds. The problem is the abuse was so traumatic and the flashbacks so prominent that sometimes along with the HA it just leaves me in a total state of hopelessness. I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of this hypochondria ever. I can go into remission but it comes back a lot. Meds have helped greatly. Counseling is great. Expensive but great. That being said I think we all have the same thing in common, the fear and suffering we put ourselves through, regardless of what triggered us. On a lighter note a lot of things trigger me like I can’t watch medical shows or read magazines with health articles. Some things I do to relieve stress that I learned in therapy are to distract myself. I have a jigsaw puzzle app on my phone and a coloring app. I also journal.
What triggered mine? I was molested at eight by a neighbor, when I told my mom she told me I told you not to go over there, I was eight! When she said this...I was mentally, emotionally and physically abused by my "dad" found out a few months agon he isn't my birth father, I was abused by my ex husband.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. As a survivor of abuse myself I just want to say you’re not alone. I know it isn’t easy.
I don’t think recovery from health anxiety is possible. Not in a doom and gloom way. I think to have it tightly controlled is possible but I think we will always be vigilant of our bodies even when in a good head space. I have come to terms with that. I spent so many years just wanting to get better and be the old me but I now accept the old me was a teenager and the person I am now is an adult so there is no being the old me against I will always have a degree of anxiety… well currently have a lot more than a degree of it! What I mean is even if I got totally better I would always tend towards being anxious and a worrier if that makes sense. Medical shows trigger me intensely also as does any kind of negative medical news or newspaper articles. I unfortunately have morbid curiosity ans can’t help myself but to continue reading them. I don’t go looking for them but if I come across them in morning news I end up reading them. I need to learn healthy ways to relieve stress as what I usually do is spend inordinate amounts of money which has got me into a good bit of debt in the past with credit cards ect. Well it’s not so much the past I am firmly in debt now 🤣 I find when I’m anxious if I go to shop and start buying things like clothes or household goods I am soothed incredibly the more I buy. It’s like a warm blanket coming over me. It’s something I really need to work on. I also online shop my partner gets angry about parcels now. I have a deal with Amazon man to leave them in the recycling bin 🙄 probably do need to control myself abit better really. My other distraction is planning things like holidays, events with friends ect, I’m abit obsessive though and end up getting wrapped up in planning my plans and trying to control things! In regard to flashbacks ect have you ever been diagnosed with ptsd x
I’m so sorry to hear that 😟 abusers should be lined up and shot publicly. That’s my belief. Maybe the world would become a safer place.
Thank you for the kind word. I’m sorry if I triggered anyone. Didn’t mean to.
I think most of us trigger people on here in some way or other, it's impossible not to on an anxiety forum...
have been close about two times in my life to ending it all. Each time I picked myself up and walked into the hospital and said help me. I truly believe my faith and strength in God has kept me going. I’ve had a lot of counseling and I’m on meds. The problem is the abuse was so traumatic and the flashbacks so prominent that sometimes along with the HA it just leaves me in a total state of hopelessness. I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of this hypochondria ever. I can go into remission but it comes back a lot. Meds have helped greatly. Counseling is great. Expensive but great. That being said I think we all have the same thing in common, the fear and suffering we put ourselves through, regardless of what triggered us.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. I'm glad to hear you have a faith and that it helps you to keep going. My belief is that God can't stop shit things from happening to me (free will), but 'he' can give me the strength to keep going through it all, and that's what I always pray for. I do understand what it is to be abused physically and mentally and I had a 'dodgy' encounter as an eleven-year-old with my older brother's mate, not that I realised it was abuse until years later. My heart goes out to you. X
I also journal.
Do you find that helps you?
Mine was triggered by my ex, he was a real MF I was beaten down like a dog, I had a fractured skull,jaw,arms and my body covered in bruises. I was kicked constantly in the stomach and back and literally up the bum.I ended up having a Hysterectomy at a young age which still saddens me everyday.
He kept me away from my family and friends and I wasn’t allowed to work.Honestly if I got my hands on a gun I would have shot him.
I could go on but I want sleep tonight without intrusive thoughts which I get often,lately.
Mine was triggered by my ex, he was a real MF I was beaten down like a dog, I had a fractured skull,jaw,arms and my body covered in bruises. I was kicked constantly in the stomach and back and literally up the bum.I ended up having a Hysterectomy at a young age which still saddens me everyday.
He kept me away from my family and friends and I wasn’t allowed to work.Honestly if I got my hands on a gun I would have shot him.
I could go on but I want sleep tonight without intrusive thoughts which I get often,lately.
Another man who should of been sent to the firing squad! Absolutely sickening ? Did he go to jail? I had a ‘relationship’ when I was 15 with a 19/20 year old. He also beat me down like a dog. I remember seeing someone who I used to go to school with walking past as we where driving. I waved at this boy and He back handed me so hard right in the nose and fractured it. As I say I’m nearly 33 now and my left nostril is completely blocked. I’m guessing my septum is deviated perhaps. That was a milder incident I won’t go into the rest. If I heard he died I suppose I would probably laugh as awful as it sounds. I’m so sorry your choice to have children was taken away from you darling from the bottom of my heart I am 😫 how do you feel you cope these days x
Hi Sar :flowers:Yep the Muva fucca went to clink:yesyes: where he forgot his soap on a rope lol.I still remember the day my divorce was finalised,the cops handcuffed the arsewipe and took him straight into the lockup.
I am coping ok I do have bouts of depression and anxiety but have been on new medication which is helping.x
What a joyous day that must of been for you, I would of loved to have seen the horror on his face. What medication are you on now ? I probably need to start taking meds. Today I’m having sweats and bouts of anxiety bubbling over in my body. Like zaps of it almost. I am due on that seems to make it worse Iv noticed. Iv noticed when I’m anxious sometimes I have bouts of hyperactivity. Iv currently got a man drilling my wall and the noise is making me jump I actually feel like attacking him. He’s here in my request aswell putting up shelves so it’s totally irrational. 😅 x
I don't want to go into the graphic details of my past on here, but I empathise with you ladies, and I'm so sorry you went through this kind of shit too.
All I can say is that I see some very strong women here. :hugs:
Lola, I really hope your ex's cell mate was a very large bloke with respect for women and a penchant for hairy man bums. Whatever that b'stard took from you, he didn't take your sense of humour (And I know how important that can be) X
Nora:flowers:The mongrel got bashed and broomsticked just like he had done to me.Amazing you know in clink and how cheap it can cost.:winks:
After years of Therapy I am doing Ok. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea on here,but that’s ok.
Thank You.X
unsure_about_this
10-10-22, 17:30
media, google
My dad get his first test kit for bowel screening because of his age (all his test kits have come back fine - he did have to repeat one as he forgot to put the date on) my mums results have come back fine. I got symptoms straight after reading his letter
It been a nightmare since 2010 onwards for me.
Nora:flowers:The mongrel got bashed and broomsticked just like he had done to me.Amazing you know in clink and how cheap it can cost.:winks:
After years of Therapy I am doing Ok. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea on here,but that’s ok.
Thank You.X
Same for me. (I imagine I'm on a few ignore lists lol)
It's good to hear that you're doing ok. X
I can't imagine what you've been through, Lola ..and what "legacy" you've been left with..I'm sure therapy has been helpful but you must be incredibly strong and resilient to cope with so much trauma, loss and illness.It's good to have you back on NMP x
Thank you pulisa:flowers:I have been doing it a bit tough this last year after losing mum then covid and spending time in a wellness centre.
I just spent nearly 3 wks in hospital with another clot on my left lung got home last week.I am not that strong,it is a front I put on to cover my sadness my charity work for the homeless is what keeps me centered.X
It takes strength to maintain a front in the face of so much adversity and illness. I'm sure that the charity appreciates all your hard work and I'm glad that you have found such a worthy cause to fight for:flowers:
As usual, Pulisa has said exactly the right thing. I’ve tried to think of a response to you brave, strong women for a few days, but can’t find the words. X
Lola, you are amazing! Remember that. :hugs:
All the stories on here show me what courageous people you all are. :hugs:
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