How to approach my therapist during this tough time

[Flying Stars]

Hi all

This is my first time back in a while and any advice would be appreciated.

I've had health anxiety/anxiety for several years now (losing my mom/nan suddenly as a teenager, tricky relationships and high pressurised job in my 20s etc). I'm 31 now, and although I have lived with an ex/had my own place before, I've found it really difficult moving out of the family home again after lockdown and into my own flat.

My dad is 78 and has always been very active - driving and working full-time - until Xmas last year when he had a severe reaction to the Covid booster and has since been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety (obviously we're not a good mix together lol). I've always found him to be the strong one and encourage me but now it feels like I've somewhat lost that. I have an older brother who doesn't speak to me and my dad lives in a big house which I now feel is my responsibility as well as my own flat and (still) a high pressurised job (which I'm doing well at, thankfully, I work from my flat mostly).

The last few days (I had annual leave) and its been the worst anxiety experiences I've had. I've felt like I'm going mad. I don't have much faith in the doctors and I've always managed to stay clear of anxiety/depression meds.

I've had a therapist for a few years now, and she's been an amazing help, but I feel more and more lately after our sessions I'm feeling worse. She is encouraging me not to visit my dad's as much, to focus on myself alone and to keep moving forward with less contact at home and to properly move all my belongings out.

However, I've never felt this lonely before and although I get reasons why she may give the advice (that me being with my dad being so depressed and not wanting to take responsibility is making me worse - which to an extent it is) but I can't carry it through, hence I feel bad after sessions.

I haven't approached her openly about this as I feel my anxiety is bad enough as it is without having to tell her the truth - that I'm spending much more time at my dad's than at my flat alone. (Silly I know, as I'm paying for therapy!) My dad still will cook me a tea and listen to me but he isn't the same no more.

I like my flat, I've decorated it lovely, but it's about 45 mins away from where my dad lives and since moving there earlier this year, I've gone through a change in job and a break-up, let alone see my dad change into an unrecognisable person due to his mental health (he now no longer drives or goes to work).

I'm really struggling to have hope for my future as I feel like I'll always be alone.

Any advice would help right now.

Thanks so much x

[pulisa]

My opinion is that you should tell your therapist about how you really feel and how you feel drawn back to being with your dad because you feel better there regardless of how his mental state is? Because you feel lonely, isolated and low? Otherwise the therapist will go on thinking that her advice is helpful and appropriate when it clearly isn't as straightforward as that.

[Darksky]

I agree, always give her the full story. How can she help you to her full extent when she only knows half of what’s in your head. The fact that you feel worse after sessions really needs addressing with her.

Good luck with it.

[Flying Stars]

Thank you both. I managed to get an appointment with her tomorrow evening, so I’m going to see her in person and express this. Pulisa, that makes sense about me feeling better at home regardless of my dad’s mental state. It’s been a tough year for me regardless of my dad, and I don’t think people necessarily want to be alone or in a new place when they’re struggling with anxiety/ job and relationship changes and catching Covid (!) I think most people want to be with a parents/at home if confronted with all this and single. It concerns me a little that she is pushing me with her direction (I didn’t think therapists should really do that). I know it’s coming from a good place, but a bit too much for the moment. (It makes you wonder if they would be alone if feeling in a similar way too…)

Will see how it goes tomorrow night.

[pulisa]

Its all very well for her to dole out the platitudes with all the "moving forward" guff..but if you're not in the position to mentally then she's just making things worse and should be told so.

I'm not surprised that you feel fragile and need some familiar comforting surroundings and your dad's company. He needs you too and what's so bad about that?

Good luck tomorrow..You'll feel better once you've put her right :hugs: