Obsessed with bad memories

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Can anyone relate?

They aren’t particularly traumatic memories but they are ones that now make me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Whenever they’ve popped into my head in the past I’ve just disregarded them and focused my attention on something else. Now however they are all I think about all day every day.

I’m starting to wonder if this what every day for the rest of my life will be like. Just going over unpleasant events constantly and having panic attacks.

Has anyone been through something similar and come out the other side?

Cheers.

[Lolalee1]

Yep, I have.Everyday for months.I am fine now after having therapy sessions.

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Yep, I have.Everyday for months.I am fine now after having therapy sessions.

Are there any techniques you’d recommend? How did you deal with these thoughts popping into your head relentlessly?

[Lencoboy]

I certainly have on numerous occasions, but I won't bore everyone else on here to death with all my past woes on this occasion.

[Darksky]

Your memories have become intrusive thoughts. And that’s how you must treat them. You need to find something that really occupies your mind. Not physical because I rarely find that helps. It leaves your mind to go walk about. Even reading oddly enough does not always take my mind with it.

Strangely jigsaws absorb me, and knitting…the more complicated the better. Art…that’s totally mindful. Don’t even have to be any good at it. Writing…anything creative.
Was it Claire Weekes who said intrusive thoughts were like a tiger behind glass. They can roar at you but can’t hurt.

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Your memories have become intrusive thoughts. And that’s how you must treat them. You need to find something that really occupies your mind. Not physical because I rarely find that helps. It leaves your mind to go walk about. Even reading oddly enough does not always take my mind with it.

Strangely jigsaws absorb me, and knitting…the more complicated the better. Art…that’s totally mindful. Don’t even have to be any good at it. Writing…anything creative.
Was it Claire Weekes who said intrusive thoughts were like a tiger behind glass. They can roar at you but can’t hurt.

Thanks for the reply.

It’s annoying as I’d been making very good progress but then this started on Monday!

[NoraB]

I've had bad memories since 1975. :scared15:

Distraction helps.

Music helps (as long as the songs are not connected to bad memories)

Accepting that the past cannot be changed and that I am not responsible for other people's actions (Only my own)

Reminding myself that every human being has memories/thoughts that they are ashamed of. (Things that we regret saying or doing. Things that we didn't say/do and should have.)

We all have our 'shadow side'. It's part of being human.

I also find that humour helps. Humour is an antidote to fear. But there are limitations with humour. (Some things should never be made fun of)

Me running to get out of the rain, tripping up and doing a belly-slide across the grass in front of everyone? I can find humour in that. I can find humour in my very long history of health anxiety and the ridiculous things I did when rationality went missing in action, like poking through a Tupperware box of my own poo when I was convinced that I had bowel cancer. This is me removing the power from those embarrassing memories and seeing them for what they are. (Also, if laughing about my embarrassing memories help someone to feel a bit better about theirs, then that's a bonus)

The darker stuff? I deal with this by reminding myself that human beings can be horrible, but it's rarely about those of us on the receiving end of abuse. These memories are the ones that stick in the psyche. They are still doing damage decades after the event, you know? These are harder memories to handle, and these buggers can resurface during our happiest moments. We can try to re-write the script, or to bury the past and pretend that things didn't happen, but the problem is that the sub-conscious never forgets (this is why deeply buried stuff comes out during hypnosis). It's always there. So, we have to find a way to live with those memories.

I have OCD and intrusive thoughts happen as my 'norm'. It's a case of which thoughts require further attention (is there a resolution etc?), which ones I can give myself the pep talk for to remind myself that some things are beyond my control, and which ones I can distract myself from using music and other means of escapism.

Are you able to give an example of the type of thoughts that are problematic to you, Rhys?

[Rhys1879SAFC]

I've had bad memories since 1975. :scared15:

Distraction helps.

Music helps (as long as the songs are not connected to bad memories)

Accepting that the past cannot be changed and that I am not responsible for other people's actions (Only my own)

Reminding myself that every human being has memories/thoughts that they are ashamed of. (Things that we regret saying or doing. Things that we didn't say/do and should have.)

We all have our 'shadow side'. It's part of being human.

I also find that humour helps. Humour is an antidote to fear. But there are limitations with humour. (Some things should never be made fun of)

Me running to get out of the rain, tripping up and doing a belly-slide across the grass in front of everyone? I can find humour in that. I can find humour in my very long history of health anxiety and the ridiculous things I did when rationality went missing in action, like poking through a Tupperware box of my own poo when I was convinced that I had bowel cancer. This is me removing the power from those embarrassing memories and seeing them for what they are. (Also, if laughing about my embarrassing memories help someone to feel a bit better about theirs, then that's a bonus)

The darker stuff? I deal with this by reminding myself that human beings can be horrible, but it's rarely about those of us on the receiving end of abuse. These memories are the ones that stick in the psyche. They are still doing damage decades after the event, you know? These are harder memories to handle, and these buggers can resurface during our happiest moments. We can try to re-write the script, or to bury the past and pretend that things didn't happen, but the problem is that the sub-conscious never forgets (this is why deeply buried stuff comes out during hypnosis). It's always there. So, we have to find a way to live with those memories.

I have OCD and intrusive thoughts happen as my 'norm'. It's a case of which thoughts require further attention (is there a resolution etc?), which ones I can give myself the pep talk for to remind myself that some things are beyond my control, and which ones I can distract myself from using music and other means of escapism.

Are you able to give an example of the type of thoughts that are problematic to you, Rhys?

This is going to sound really stupid but please bear with me and try not to judge. The one that has been torturing me for a while is when I was about 7/8 years old, I stayed at a friends house and for some reason when we went to sleep that night I went under the sheets and started tickling his feet. Then for some bloody stupid reason I licked his foot! How stupid is that?! I keep going over this again and again. Why the hell did I do that? What if I’ve deeply traumatised him? Am I some sort of sicko?

I’ve never done anything like that since and before my anxiety whenever it popped into my head I just sort of felt embarrassed for a moment then got distracted by something and forgot about it.

Now however the thought fills me with absolute dread. I ruminate on it constantly.

The annoying thing is I was doing so well, I’ve been suffering with anxiety since May but was finally starting to make progress then this happened on Monday.

I keep telling myself that when I get over the anxiety it will not bother me anymore but at the moment there doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

[Carnation]

I wouldn't label that as a bad memory but for some reason you have. I see it as an innocent child playing and discovering. It obviously haunts you and maybe if you start to see it as an innocent and playful memory and not something yucky as you might perceive it, then it may not have the 'bad' label.

[NoraB]

This is going to sound really stupid but please bear with me and try not to judge. The one that has been torturing me for a while is when I was about 7/8 years old, I stayed at a friends house and for some reason when we went to sleep that night I went under the sheets and started tickling his feet. Then for some bloody stupid reason I licked his foot! How stupid is that?! I keep going over this again and again. Why the hell did I do that? What if I’ve deeply traumatised him? Am I some sort of sicko?

I'm with Carnation here. This sounds like the innocent behaviour of a child, nothing more. (I very much doubt that your friend has any recollection of this tbh)


I’ve never done anything like that since and before my anxiety whenever it popped into my head I just sort of felt embarrassed for a moment then got distracted by something and forgot about it.

Now however the thought fills me with absolute dread. I ruminate on it constantly.

You could try and re-frame the memory. Make it humorous. Or just see it for what it really is; two innocent children having a laugh.

[Lencoboy]

I'm with Carnation here. This sounds like the innocent behaviour of a child, nothing more. (I very much doubt that your friend has any recollection of this tbh)



You could try and re-frame the memory. Make it humorous. Or just see it for what it really is; two innocent children having a laugh.

I reckon Rhys probably sees this more as some kind of 'guilty' memory. But I definitely don't consider his childhood antics of tickling/licking his friend's feet to be perverted nor 'sick' in any way; at least not at that age of 7-8. Just little kids innocently playing around and hardly likely to be a case for Operation Yewtree!