View Full Version : What's an anxiety sufferer?
These are just some thoughts I've been thinking lately-
What exactly is an anxiety sufferer? We go to the doctor who tells us we’re suffering from anxiety. Eh? What’s that? Does that mean we suffer excessive worry? How can that be when the body feels so ill? There must be more to it. I feel Too ill just for it to be worry. I know….a tablet will sort it and I can get on with living again.
Well, actually no because tablets only ease our symptoms. So then we all worry too much? Well no, because some people suffer panics when they don’t actually worry about everything. Some others just suffer a specific phobia.
I once met a medium. Instead of greeting me with a “Hello, pleased to meet you”, she said “Oh, I can see you’re surrounded by fear”. I felt quite offended that she could be so rude but then I realised that she had hit on something sensitive to me that I try to keep hidden that fear is always around me.
So I wonder, are we all actually fear sufferers? Ooh I can hear you now reacting just as I did!!! To suffer fear must be a weakness and I won’t admit to being weak. In reality, everyone suffers from fear. We’re all afraid of something but we worry too much about it, have been put under too much stress or have been treated badly in the past etc etc etc.
There are So many different causes and reasons why we are like we are so I guess for simplicity we’re bunched together as anxiety sufferers. However, personally I think the title is misleading because it doesn’t indicate what the real issues are. If we think to ourselves that fear is the cause and ask ourselves what are we afraid of, we can then better treat whatever the cause is rather than being sidetracked by symptoms of fear that make us feel ill when in reality we’re not. Anxiety symptoms are all caused by the way we’re thinking which is normally incorrect programming due to fear.
I feel if we tackle our fears, we tackle our anxiety. Fear is a natural reaction which sometimes becomes irrational and also disguised by our modern lifestyles. In the old days our fear would help us to run to keep safe but these days there is nowhere to run because we’re stuck in homes or in the office suffering too much stress. If our fears grow out of proportion they create anxiety but in truth I feel we have to remember we’re trying to treat our fears and the natural symptoms fears cause, and then perhaps we can better understand what’s really wrong with us.
What do you think?:shrug:
Bill hi, well it seems you have answered the question yourself. All i know is that one day this thing appeard and one day i hope it goes back from where it came from , cos i for one do,nt want it.:smile:
Lilith1980
23-11-07, 09:31
I do think part of it is fear, of the unknown, and uncertainty of the future.
My fear is being let down and abandoned. I was let down in childhood and although I didnt think I'd carried it with me I now think I have due to what I am feeling these days.
The fear of being let down scares me and upsets me. Although last night, when I was feeling anxious, I had a brief moment of thinking that the uncertainty of it all is what worries me too. And the not being able to control what is going to happen. But there is no certainty in life. I cannot say that I will never be let down or hurt again because that would be a certainty.
I know that I would be devastated, and I'm not sure how much my confidence would suffer, although I think it would, I just dont know to what severity. But despite all this, I believe I would cope, just as I have done all these years.
That's not to say I want to be let down, but I think if I come more to accept that I cannot control these things, and that life is never certain, and to not look too far ahead but live for now, then I would spend less time draining myself emotionally and my fear or the fear itself will hopefully diminish.
I also know I have to work on my core belief of feeling worthless to help reduce my fears. I know that building my self esteem will have a great impact on how I deal with certain situations and how I view myself compared to people around me.
I have a lot to work through but I think I am gradually sussing all this out and becoming wise to it and that is certainly helping :D
hi,
just wanted to say, love this post, bills ideas were thoughtful and rickards response made me laugh, just the depth in contrast to the simplicity of rickards answer...loved it, and both of you are very true i feel!
i tend to agree with rickard more.....i just want it gone, it was never invited, and frankly still isnt....like an annoying uninvited guest that wont leave your couch....or a pimple........
and i so so agree with bills description of that ill feeling..how can it relate to the mind....thats my exact problem...i get sick spells all the time, every day, a few times, and frankly, still scares me, and mostly i find it irritating and becoming just plain boring....im getting used to how limited my life has become because of this monster, ive gotten over the 'woe is me' stage, and now seem to be entering the anger phase- i call phase two...
all very boring, and basically would be nice to feel normal enough to forget about myself and be able to think about others, other things, and be able to just live.........good work ppl, keep workshopping it.....
Hello peach,
Sometimes I feel that our fears are so deeply engrained and were created so long ago that we forget what actually caused them and only think about how we feel in the present.
That's where I think therapy helps to delve, to unlock the origins so that we can discover what created the fear, and then it's possible to work out how to re-program the mind so that the feelings then leave us alone because we develop coping strategies.
well all i can say is wow! lol that was alot to take in..some of what you said i totally agree with but at the end of the day i think it boils down to something has happened in our lives to cause panic attacks. panic attacks are intense fear therefore we fear the next one which sometimes causes the next one which then starts to cause anxiety, and anxiety is just a feeling which is caused by worrying. think about it when your not worrying and uv got something else on your mind or your busy you feel great when your sitting dwelling and thinking you feel like crap. once u over come the worrying it al starts to go away.
thats just how i look at it anyway
:) peace out all x
hi bill,
what you say makes good sense...ive got that classic story of 'awful childhood with two bad parents'. i thought for years that i was not affected by it, and this all seems to have resurfaced only in the last few years...when all this trouble began....i still find it hard to accept that my mind can make my body feel so ill.
and lawzy, my anx has progressed past the point of only feeling bad when i think about things....i find these days i wont be thinking anything- not conciously anyway, and boom, my body will all of a sudden feel sick or lightheaded or bring on a panic attack.....i am definatly not thinkng myself ill....
i figure this must be on an unconcious level....i am constantly feeling uneasy and not safe...even though conciously im telling myself 'im safe, this is a comfortable place im in'..it doesnt seem to help any...i used to be a very outgoing, happy person who wasnt afraid of anything and was able to do things like jump on a plane for 8 hours and love it.....now everything scares me, its a real pain in the butt....
two days ago i went to the hardware store in the evening...all was fine, then bam....panic attack in the isle.....its just ridiculous.....i just need this all fixed, but cant see how i can keep trying to fix it without meds....think i need a permanant sedative....hehe....:wacko:
What you've both said is like two halves to a puzzle.
Lawzy, I agree with what you say about something happening to cause the panics which starts us off worrying and that if we keep our worries at bay then we stop our panicky feelings.
However, as peach says, she's not aware of actually worrying and so.." i still find it hard to accept that my mind can make my body feel so ill." which means i am definatly not thinkng myself ill....i figure this must be on an unconcious level. This means that it has become engrained into programmed thinking so despite saying im telling myself 'im safe, this is a comfortable place im in'...........The subconcious is saying now everything scares me, its a real pain in the butt...
Peach, you need to convince yourself you have nothing to fear because you're not really believing what you're telling yourself. Praise yourself for what you achieve rather than look at how much of an effort it was. You also need to build confidence in your own abilities. Despite having a panic out shopping, you Did do the shopping. You coped which shows strength in yourself that you don't realise you have. You're Much more capable than you realise or give yourself credit for. Remind yourself of that.:hugs:
hi bill,
thanks so much for taking time to talk to me. its really interesting what you said....
reprogramming the unconcious will be a tough one...but im up for anything, like most of us on here......
Hi
Did it start suddenly. I was in hospital when it started. I distrusted the whole Hospital, cutbacks and all and when I was told that the illness I had been diagnosed with from one of the best consultants the hospital had to offer wasn't diagnosed at all I lost complete faith in the system and tried to do anything to discharge myself. I felt panic sticken as if I was being held against my will. That initial surge of fear started me on this fear of fear cycle.
I feel as the time ticks I am reinforcing the new synapses in my brain that my amagadela (i think it is called) is controlling the way I behave. I have woken a small section of the brain that protected my ancestors from wild animal attacks BC ( before civilisation) and as Civilisation is such a tiny part of the total time line it aint suprising that this can still happen. Now what I need to do is give my rational mind a boost again and put it back in control. This can only be done, in my eyes, by spending the same amount of time reconditioning my thoughts to re-route the new neural pathways back to my rational section of the brain.
NLP, Hypnosis, Meditation, Yoga, removing stressors for the duration of the treatment, are possible fast track routes to regain mental health.
Sadly I have learnt that keeping away from people and friends, family and NORMAL things in life are also major stressors. If you have too much time on your hands then you have too much time to think about how your life has been affected.
Taking up hobbies, going on holidays, thinking about the most enjoyable work you get your teeth in to and get re-trained and go looking for employment in that work. Buy a house in the country. Complete life changes have to be made as you current lifes route isnt working any more.
Lets go out there and grap the proverbial bull by the horns.
Easier said than done.
Love to all.
Mee
I agree with all that Mee has said and to do all those things is good therapy.
I've never really understood the techinical reasons until Mee explained it. To me, it's like incorrect learned behaviour.
An example would be if you go out and have a bad experience, then the next time you go you will feel panicky. Your body will most probably react as it first did during the bad experience because just being in the same situation is enough to reproduce fear reaction even though you're probably not even "thinking" about the bad experience. Your mind and body are acting out on "learnt behaviour" so it's almost as if the subconscious is talking.
The way to overcome it is to re-programme the mind to get the body to react in a positive way without fear. This would be done by re-visiting the situation over and over, using positive thinking but also as Mee says, easing the stresses in our lives and having a relaxation technique as back up.
The more we confront somewhere where we had a bad experience And by using the right methods, the more we build our confidence by proving to ourselves we can cope and so the thought processes are then brought back to normal in time.
A little example- When I had panic attacks, I experienced them when my mind just had too much stress to cope with. When I went into shops I'd panic. It felt as if everyone was looking at me and they all appeared "alien". I couldn't understand why because I wasn't actually thinking anything before I went in the shop. I remember though that it kept happening after the first time I experienced it. Without realising it, my mind was instructing my body to panic. I wasn't aware of it.
When I sorted the stresses in my life, learnt a new way of thinking and started using coping methods, the panics gradually stopped. Now I can go into shops without having any reaction or for that matter just go out without my body reacting to subconscious thoughts. Never give up!:winks:
Bill I think you give great support on this forum and I wonder if you could help me.
I have lots of stress in my life,work,home,hubby and 2 teenage boys.I cope when things are running smoothly but there is a lot of conflict at home between my hubby and eldest son aged 16 and going through adolescence.My hubby is his stepfather,we've been together 7 years,married for 3.
Last week I felt great,happy even.I've been on citalopram 20mg for 8 weeks and I thought they were doing a good job.Then this weekend there was a fall out between H and S which resulted in a fall out with me and hubby.Yesterday my anxiety was sky high and today I woke up feeling panicky and my legs felt so weak I thought I would fall down.
In my last marriage I ended up running to a womens refuge several times due to my husbands drinking and abuse.I think this is why I react the way I do when there is any arguments at home.Is this a form of ptsd? I need to convince myself that that was then and this is now and that everything will be ok.I dont know whether to go back to gp or what.I've rung work to say I wont be in for a couple of days cos I feel so ill. I keep saying that Im calm and relaxed,safe and secure,but to be honest I dont feel safe at all.Please help me
julie x :weep:
Hi Hopeful
I empatise with your situation. It is very difficult to remove yourself from stressors at home, you are torn between your new husband and your son, both of them trying to compete for "top dog" position. It is normal for us males to push the boundries. May be you could talk to your husband to spend some one to one time with your son doing bonding.
What I mean is that he or you could organise to go go karting or even better paint balling. Then he can release his energy in a safe environment. Boys just love to compete for the alpha position. This would give you the peace of mind that they are bonding and you get some time to yourself. Why not book yourself a massage with someone you trust that way your mind is calmer knowing your two boys are bonding and you get relaxed also. You need to take control before things get out of hand. The only way to do this is for you to organise these boys days for your husband and son can go and have good fun. This will make them good friends and hopefully without all the tension they will learn to respect your husband and treat him as a equal or a friend. He will never become accepted as there father as kids only see that this outsider is taking there mums attention away and taking control of there environment. I think if you talk to your husband and explain what you would like him to try he should give it a go. I think it is important that you organise the events but do not let on to your kids as this wants to look like your husband is treating them. If you think your son would not go then organise the event and take him only to meet up with your husband to do something boys love.
Being a boy (once) in a very similar relationship my step father took an interest in me and took me out to football matches and go-karting or paint balling I found I could release my anger in a constructive competitive way and so I began to look forward to these monthly days out.
I should add for the first two occasions I would suggest that it is just your Husband and your eldest son ONLY.
Hope this helps. It did for me.
Love always
Mee.
Hello Julie,
I think every mother who is in your position will be understanding how you're feeling at present. You want the family to get on together as we all would want.
I agree with Mee's comments regarding the bonding. It's something your husband and son need to attempt. Mee's obviously been in your sons position son I'm sure it's good advice.
The only thing I can add is about yourself. Don't look at your problems associating them with ptsd. I have lots of stress in my life,work,home,hubby and 2 teenage boys.I cope when things are running smoothly - I think your problems are purely because of what you've just said in this sentence. You cope fine when things are running smoothly but it's just the stress of everything that's making you panicky. If your husband and son can learn to get on by doing things together as Mee has advised then your panic feelings will also subside.
The only other thing I could suggest is that you have a quiet calm conversation with your son asking him to understand how his conflicts are making you ill. That depends on whether you think he'll listen though!
I can remember one of my brothers having fierce arguments with my father when I was very young. My mother would hold me behind her back. As they grew older, they got on together much better.
I'm sure a lot of mothers have been through this. Things should settle in time. Take care Julie:hugs:
Thank you so much Mee and Bill for your replies.
Mee. My hubby has already said to me that he would love my son to go with him in his lorry for a day now and again so they could talk man to man and have bonding time.Trouble is my son gets bored doing that.I will suggest they do something fun together,thanks for the advice.
Bill. I would love my family to get on together.My son is going through that awful stage where he's angry at everyone! Ive tried to talk to him many times but get nowhere.I've offered to get him some help with his anger/feelings but he refuses.Last night we had a row over him picking on his younger brother.He spoke to me like dirt.I told him that his behaviour is making me ill and that he must change his attitude.He said that he cant and I said that he must.He said that he'd leave and I said that if he wont/cant change his attitude towards me,his brother and my hubby then he can leave and that he knows where I am if he wants to talk.Anyway this all ended in him starting to cry and saying that his mum was throwing him out.I asked if hed like another chance and he said yes.I hugged him,told him how much he is loved and wanted and he apologised to me.He then stayed in his bedroom all evening and I left him to it.He seems better this morning but I feel awful.I've got a gp appointment tomorrow and going to ask for help/therapy for myself.I cant go on like this.I am sinking.
julie x:weep:
I feel sick,shaky,emotionally exhausted,scared and feel I'm totally losing my mind.Supposed to be back at work on Saturday but dont want to go.I just want to go to bed and sleep and wake up 'normal'.What is happening to me? Why cant I cope with life anymore? Is this what they call a breakdown? I need help and fast.Does anyone understand cos I dont.
julie x:weep:
Hopeful
I am sure you are. You mustn't let your mind effect you like this. If you let the thoughts run wild then you will feel terrible. You need some quiet time away from your family each day to relax. Try some relaxation tapes or try meditation classes, yoga. If you do not learn to relax fully you wont feel better. It seems to me that you are typical of any family, the woman seems to take on all the work within the family. Why not ask your husband to help out to give you a much needed break. Its coming up to xmas which should and will be a happy time for most families. As said in my last post book yourself some me time. Get yourself booked in to some form of relaxation classes. Check your local paper or community centre. Go for a massage. Start swimming. I would push yourself to go to work as work SHOULD take your mind off home life so long as it is not too stresfull and you enjoy your job. I found that I felt worse when I was hanging around at home. Keep your life as normal as you can but make time for YOU. ONLY you can look after your mental health.
Take care.
Mee
Hello Julie,
I'd agree with what Mee is saying. You need to get out of the house and away from all the pressures you're feeling. No doubt you're feeling trapped by it all. Getting out doing something you enjoy or going to work, if as Mee says, you enjoy your work, will help you to feel better. The more we stay in thinking about all our worries, the worse we feel.:hugs:
Don't be hard on yourself about the way you dealt with your son. Of course we feel guilty but you shouldn't because he drove you to it and something had to be done. It worked. It woke him up as to what he's doing but you also reassured him by showing he is loved. Sometimes we have to be firm to be kind. Don't be afraid of using firm but kind tactics. It sounds like he may have issues himself regarding his anger and no doubt he's found past things traumatic too. Be firm but show you love him and reassure him, just as you have. I'm sure things will gradually improve at home and you'll feel better as a result too..but as Mee says, don't forget to give You time to yourself to ease the pressures on you.:hugs: There's nothing wrong with you Julie other than having too much pressure to cope with but perhaps talking to a counsellor would help. If you think so, ask your doctor if the surgery has one?:shrug: Feel free to pm me if you'd like to.:hugs:
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